Stinky Attitude

My dog got sprayed by a skunk this week. As I'm cleaning and trying to get rid of the smell I started thinking of my stinky attitude I had about all the cleaning I had to do. I realized that a stinky attitude has the same lingering effect that a skunk smell has, it just doesn't burn the nose. 

With the help of an old book The Slight Edge, I go through the idea of making small adjustment by understanding your own philosophy you want for your life. We choose how our life works by the small decisions we make. 

Take control back in your life by being aware of your attitude through the day. By reframing your thinking instead of letting yourself getting smellier you choose to freshen up your perspective and you freshen up your thinking.

Let's dive in and learn how to get rid of the stinky attitude.

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Send an email with questions to skahrhoff@live.com.

Transcript

Shannon Kahrhoff: 0:03

Hello, welcome to the Decoding Clients for Stylists. I'm Shannon Kahrhoff. This week has been an interesting week for me, and so I'm gonna break down this little analogy that I've been thinking about for the last two days while I'm scrubbing down my house and washing everything in sight because I have a dog named Sassy who she earns that name, but she got skunked this week in my backyard. It was dark outside. She walked around the shed in the back and I lost sight of her. She came back drooling heavily, and I didn't pay attention to the stench that was on her until she was in the house eating some yogurt because I was worried. Here's a tip. When they're drooling that heavily, that means they were skunked. So apparently we have a skunk in my backyard. When I brought her in the house, it got the, the smell over most of my house. So I've been washing everything and I went to work on Friday not realizing how bad that smell clings to clothing, and I wound up smelling skunk on me as I'm driving to work. So I ask a poor coworker who's like, can you smell skunk on me? And she was like, well, no. She got closer. And she was like, oh yes, I can smell it. So I'm going around my room like, what the heck am I gonna do? I have fully of clients. My first one is a pregnant lady. Thank God she was past the nauseous stage. But, I called SOS to my mom. She brings me some new clothes. Luckily those weren't as bad, but it got me to thinking about how attitude, your personal perspective of things can leave an odor behind you. My dear coworker said that. Oh gosh. Yeah. It lingers after you, the smell of the skunk and got me thinking about how. Someone's bad attitude leaves a stench of emotion lingering behind them. And I know we all have been in that situation where someone walks away and you're like, blah, what the heck was that about? And I wanna get rid of that ick as fast as I can. This week I have been exhausted. I've been stressed and I down right cried Friday afternoon, the more I researched about how to get the smell out of my home, and I broke down with a client because I had to reschedule because I could not focus. I had to get home and start getting my house back into order. So as I'm scrubbing and washing loads of laundry and everything, washing my dog multiple times, this is my thought process. You have a natural energy flow around you. Either you are a blessing that you leave behind you with your conversations with people. You are a neutral, where people don't get much from you or you are a negative energy. Energy flow that you leave behind them where you might leave them in an ick feeling or you might leave a stressful feeling or anger. How many people have been upset about something and the first thing they think to do is go share their anger with someone around them and you get them angry at the situation or the people that you're angry at. So today I want to talk about the stench that you leave behind with how you relate to people. So let's think about this. So if you walk into work and something blew your day already at 8:00 AM 7:00 AM 9:00 AM whatever time you get to work and things did not go your way in the morning, we all have those days. But how do you work them? Do you try to let it go? Do you consciously focus on taking deep breaths, releasing the anxiety and the frustration you feel before you walk into an environment where you're around? People? Think about it. How many times have we been having a wonderful day? Everything's fantastic. You're seeing rainbows and butterflies everywhere, and a coworker or a client comes in and everything is dark. And Stormy, and it's the worst day in their life all over again. And how does that make you feel? You have to work in their environment with them as you can feel the frustration and the anger coming off of them. Now, sometimes you can walk away and wait for them to get into a better mood. They might drink their coffee or their soda or a nice sugary snack. But sometimes if you don't pay attention to your own emotional wellbeing,, it can become stinky in your area from all of the frustration, anger, and judgment that exudes to you. So think about the skunk smell in my home, on me on Friday. Luckily, some of my coworkers said it just smelled like I smoked pot, so whatever. But think about that. Whenever you're in a foul mood and you feel like sharing your experience to someone else, do you think that makes him feel better? No, most of the time it either frustrates them because you're dumping your emotional baggage on them or you're wasting their time because there's nothing they really, you really need from them. You're just sharing it to build up the anger and frustration yourself more.'cause if you think about it, the more you talk about it, don't you Work yourself up more. Can't you just take a deep breath, release it and try to not expose other people to the stench of negativity? What happens if you try to phrase it in a certain way or frame it in a certain way where it was a burden that you left your phone at home one morning and you had to turn around and go back? What happens if. Because you had to wait another five minutes or 10 minutes to leave the town again to leave your home. What happens? Because you were protected and now what could have happened didn't happen, and it's okay. I've had that experience before. I forgot something at home. I had to turn around and go home, grab something, or I chose a different route to go to work one day and then. You find out that a person that was on that road, the time that you were usually on that road, was the one who found the car accident, who had to call 9 1 1 and had to find the driver's deceased because I was late, because I took a different route to work. I was not the first one on the scene. I was not the one who had to have the emotional experience of finding deceased people in a car accident. So whenever those kind of instances happen, yes, I'm frustrated because I hold myself to a higher level where I need to be on time. I need to be there before my client, but because I have majority of consistency before my clients, they're more easygoing if I'm running late a few times. I try to keep myself positive by thinking maybe there's something I didn't have to see happened and it saved me that five minutes, or I missed that little whatever. You need to learn how to reframe things in your mind to try and let go of the anger and the frustration and it, it's not easy when you start out, but it's one of those things that you need to learn how to do because what happens if you have a new client in your chair, first thing when you come in, and you still have that emotional stench on you from your negativity, from your frustration, from whatever uncomfortable thing happened before you got to work. It's not going to make them feel comfortable. It's not going to be an easy sell for them to like you. Even if you are the most skilled person in the world doing the beautiful coverage on the hair and the perfect haircut and the perfect conversation style, if you have that stench of negativity and frustration in you, it comes through. People will feel uncomfortable around you, and they might not be able to pinpoint it. But what do you think that client will come back? Probably not because it wasn't an environment most people thrive on. Most people want, they want to be calm and relax when they get their hair done. When you are getting that trust factor in a new stylist list How do you release the stench of your attitude? For years, I was taught you leave your life and your problems at the back door, and I did. I went through cancer, I had it removed. I went, had a horrible emotional experience after that, but most of my clients did not know that I was scared that my life was ending soon because my body was collapsing on me. So you have to understand. By me not living every second of my life in my drama, in my negative thinking, I kept my clients happy. My clients didn't have to know the suffering that I was in because what happens if I dump my negative emotions on them constantly? It gets hard on them. They know they're gonna have to come in and support me instead of me supporting them or just trying to have a nice, easygoing conversation so they can speak their mind and emotions and whatever. Because for me, that's what's important. I want them comfortable. I want them happy. They do not need to be exposed to my problems because if, for me personally, if I talk about my negative. Things in my life, it builds it up and it makes it worse in my own mind. All of a sudden, something that I'm worried about gets to be full on fear because the more I bring it to life, I speak it into existence, the more likely it's going to disrupt my life even more. I have learned that I can feel my emotions, I can deal with it. But if I speak it, it makes it worse. I can speak about it once I am through the hurdle. Once I'm coming to the other side and I am efficiently controlling my emotions and fears, I've dealt with it. Now it's just putting my positive steps back in because I read this book one time, actually, I think I read it twice. It's called The Slight Edge. And the author is Jeff Olson. I read this years ago and it taught me a lot of different things because with a slight edge, you have a goal in mind. You have a philosophy, is what he calls it, of how you live your life. Let me read it from the book. Your philosophy is your view of life, something beyond feelings and attitudes. Your philosophy drives your attitude and feelings, which drive your actions. So you think about it, my philosophy is about survival, about making a positive experience for other people. In essence, it makes my life calmer because I can build joy and just have some fun times with my clients. I have the confidence in myself and I have the emotional balance I need in my career to get me through the day, to get me through my client's ups and downs. I sometimes I have to really focus on what is happening. I have to stop my mind and. Take a deep breath and realize this is not my emotion, this is not my life. It's okay. They need to release it, and I'm here, and then it's gonna flow right through me. It's done. I'm helping them by letting them express something in a safe space. It is okay, but by this slight edge I've learned how to keep myself on the positive line, how to make small changes, and when I have a hard day, I've learned how to reframe it to something that will make it feel more positive for me because I can dwell on my negativity. I can make a horrible day even worse by thinking about poor me. About how hard my life is and why does this have to happen to me, and why can't I just have an easy day? Whenever you are driving towards a goal and changing things in your life, you have to go through so many different barriers that you have in your own life to break through to the other side. So you think challenges are there to test you, to stretch you, to help you get through. You're learning how to be strong and you are successful every time you don't let that negativity take over your life. So yes, I have my stinky days of bad attitude, and sometimes I do take it out in front of my clients and sometimes I, I dump it on my family and friends, but it's one of those things that sometimes you have to work through. And in this book it has a thing where your slight edge is in the middle, and on good days you're way above the bar. And on bad days you are way below the bar. The whole idea is you don't stay up or down for long either you stay positive, you are achieving your philosophy and you raise your bar higher the longer you hold it. Pretty much whenever you're reading good books and you're changing your habits for the better, where you can learn new skills and implement it into your life, you slowly raise your bar of where you are at, what homeostasis, where you hold it, where you are, you're trying to improve yourself. Increase your positive mindset and your positive results. Can you think of a successful person, business owner, family member who has bad moments? Do you see successful people with bad attitudes? No, because to succeed, you also have to fail. You have to learn from your mistakes and your bad moments, but you can't live in it. You don't want the skunk stench to follow you everywhere you go. You want to smell happy and positive and loving to the most part. You can have your stinky moments, but don't make it a stinky day or week or month or year because once you're in a negative funk, you give up. You are just riping, man.'cause I learned that with a skunk spell in my house. It's not horrendous the first day, the first hour, but boy does it soak into your environment, into your life, and then you have to work doubly hard, triple hard to break these bad habits, to get rid of this stench of skunk in your life because it freaking reeks. No one wants to be around a stinky person. With their bad attitude. Whenever you notice that you have gotten yourself into a sticky, stinky situation, go scrub your brain like I did with my skunk smell on my dog. You use the right mixture to neutralize the stench, and then you put something on there to make them smell good. So if you have a situation at 8:00 AM on your way to work, you have a flat tire, you have this happen, you have that happen, stop. Think about how you can resolve it. Change the flat tire you put on your spare, you have to drive a little bit slower to work, but you're mobile. You can go and achieve what you need. What do you need to do to get yourself out of the funky, stinky mentality of how dare my tire blow on my way to work. You're gonna say, thank God I wasn't on the interstate when my tire blew, or my tire didn't explode on me when I'm driving. On a hill, thank God that I had a spare tire that had air in it and it wasn't neglected and flat. Thank God I know how to change a spare tire, or you have a service to come and change it for you. There are so many ways to reframe your negative thinking if you're in pain. If you are a migraine sufferer, which I was for a long time, you can be blessed that you know how to manage your migraines, that you have the knowledge to catch it before it explodes into horrendous pain. You can enjoy the days that you are migraine free. You can step outside and enjoy the sunshine and the warmth of the day. Think about what is positive in your life to negate the negativity that you have at that moment. Because think of it, whenever you're mentally throwing a tantrum, remember a skunk smell. It's like, oh my God, I reek of negativity. Okay. What can I do to reframe this in my head? Okay. I broke my foot. Well, thank God I went to the doctor and I have a boot to walk in for so long until it heals. Thank God there are doctors out there that know how to handle things. Thank God I don't have to wear heels for a little while. Think about whatever you can to reframe the negative. Whatever you need to make yourself positive. I'm not saying to ignore your emotions and you, you really need to be able to feel it, but it has to be short lived. Cut it off as fast as you can because the longer you're in a bad mood, the more likely it's going to clinging to you and the odor is gonna get worse everywhere you go. So you're gonna walk into your office and people aren't gonna meet your eyes. You're gonna walk into a crowd and people are gonna be like, what's that? Stench? Oh, oh is this person's attitude Because they can't see anything nice or positive. Everything is negative. They only talk about what happens to them and how bad it can be. It's not the end of the world. This is where you course correct along the way. It's not saying I don't have bad days. I do. Oh, I really do ask anyone that's around me. But it is one of those things that when I realize how negative my mind and my thought process is I turn on a podcast to help me take my own internal voice and neutralize it by listening to something positive. Something about how to increase the knowledge of eating better Learning how to run my, salon a little bit better, how to do a better hair color or work on my finances more. Everything to me is learn something new that gets me out of my funk, that gets me out of my negative self-doubt and the negative mindset. Because there's so much positive in this world, you just have to step in the right direction. You have to course correct yourself into thinking of more positive, and it can be hard to start out with, but most habits are hard because you are erasing some of the bad habits that you have let yourself live in. And it's okay, we've all been there, but it's time to recognize what you want out of your life and ask for more, create more. If you are struggling with something, figure out what it is, why you are thinking this way, feeling this way, and see what you want to do to change it. You have options all the time, but it's one of those things that you have to recognize what you want different and what you can do personally to change it. I was doing a training last year and it was something I've been asked before, I've learned this before, but it's interesting when you don't use something that you learned, you forget about it until someone reminds you of it and you're like, oh, I know what game she's playing. But it's good because it gets you to the truth. So start with, what do I want different in my life right now and say it. And then you ask yourself, why? Why do I want that in my life? And you say it, you write it down, what will my life change if that happens? You're pretty much asking you what, why, how about everything? Until you can't answer anymore or you come to the realization of the truth that you would not let yourself think about before. How many times are we scared to ask for more?'cause that means we need to stretch ourself, learn new habits, new thinking, and God, we have to change. Change is good. Change is scary, and change can be hard to implement into new things into your life, but it's all good. You'll actually love the person you are. Down the road as you slowly change. because with this slight edge, it's not dramatic. Huge differences. It could be you want to exercise more, take your dog for a walk and every day it goes a little bit farther. Or take two small walks a day. I can guarantee that dog's gonna love. Honestly, that's why I got my dog. So I get to exercise more. But think about different things. What do you want? Do you wanna lose weight? Figure out how to become more active to eat just a little bit less. If you want to learn how to do hair extensions like I did, I did a lot of research online. I went to a hands-on class and I implemented a little bit at a time. Can't say that I was fantastic at the first install the second or the third or the fourth, but you know what? Every time I learned something, every time I got a little bit better, I learned something new each time, and each client who came in with some experience, I figured out one more thing about what I need to correct in either my installation or in the knowledge I share to them. When I install it on their care, on their maintenance, on everything, because everyone does things differently and it's all about learning more. To me, learning is a fun challenge because I want to constantly improve myself and become better. I think that comes from my leadership development background because with that, those years of constantly learning and creating new habits. I became a better person, better hungrier learner over the every time because that slight edge of increasing the more I read a day or how I implemented or subconsciously, it honestly changed my thinking pattern. I went from the can't happen mentality to I can achieve anything if I just put the right mindset behind it. The right skills, the little slight changes I made in my life over those times, and I can be honest, there were times I backslid because I was tired. My, something in my life happened and I didn't have time to keep up everything. I picked and chose what I could keep in my life in those habits that I created to make sure that I had enough growth in there to become what I wanted. And then when my life calmed down a little bit, I had that extra mind set time to bring all that back in because you have to know your strengths, your weaknesses, and understand when you are only able to achieve so much at a time. So you ebb and flow as you go through life, but the whole idea is to hold yourself accountable and bring in those positive steps as you need them. And don't let the skunk stench stick with you too long. You go put a lot of stuff in the washer and you scrub like crazy and you neutralize the odor. Because no one wants to smell like a skunk. So I hope that helps. I hope you understand, and if you want to understand a little bit more about the slight edge, go buy the book. I'm sure it's still on Amazon or a bookstore. I don't know. I bought it a long time ago, but it's a slight edge by Jeff Olson, OLSON. You guys have a great day. Have a good week, and I'll see you next. Bye.