Are You Fulfilled in Life?

Are you burned out from work? Feeling drained from work or life? Maybe you forgot to find your purpose?

Our focus in life changes as we go through our life. If we get lost in the day to day walk of life we may just be going on auto pilot. Why?

I know we can get distracted by our list of things to do and years go by not realizing we are lost in our life. It's time to look at our life and take control again. Ask yourself some questions and figure out what you really want. What's important to you.

Will the path your on take you to where you want? That only works if you know what you want. 

Burnout is from doing the work without any fulfillment. Doing the same action expecting different results won't work. 

Let's jump in to figure it out.

Thank you for listening. Share this episode with a friend that you think would enjoy it.

I would love it if you took the time to leave a rating or review for the show.

Want me to go more in-depth about anything? Let me know.

Send an email with questions to skahrhoff@live.com.

Transcript

Shannon Kahrhoff: 0:01

Hello, welcome to Decoding Clients for Stylist. I'm Shannon Kahrhoff. Today I want to talk about something that most time we don't talk in public about, and it's knowing if you're on the right path in your life. I know from experience that our path twists and turns through life figuring out what feels right at the moment. Sometimes you have to make changes, sometimes you need to change yourself, and sometimes you just have to hold on to the right path and trust that you're in the right direction. How do you know if you're not? On the right path, or if you deviated off of the path into the bushes lost and wandering, trying to find your path and how many people know and deep in their heart that they know that they are on that path. It is a path that they are creating on their own, cutting through the tall grass and the weeds to try and figure out how to create their own path. Breaking habits that you thought were needed and breaking society norms because we are in the world right now where everyone is creating so many new job models and intellectual information. You can create literally in your own home, sitting at a computer and knowing that what you went through could help someone else. And somehow people are making money and people are understanding the value and other people's knowledge, not the ones that you learned from college or your on the job training. Sometimes it's the information that can transform your life and help guide you into your own path to creating your own purpose and understanding. What you want out of life. And it's not limited by age. People in the seventies, eighties are creating whatever they want for their lives. Now. It's not one of those things that you have to start a new career, start the bottom, and move up. People are creating their own experiences, their own success, just by their own thought process and figuring out how to monetize it and share it with others. So you really have to understand that in our world right now, there really are no limits other than your own ambition, your hard work and your dedication. So think about your life where you are, are you fulfilled? So some signs that you might not be on the right path, and this could be financially, career, relationship as a parent, pretty much any area of your life, there might be something that's just leading you off path, that you're just following the well beaten path that someone else has created and decided that this is our society norms. So we all know we're taught to go to school, get good grades, get a good job. And the olden days, it was stay there until retirement and you're good. You have pension, you might have retirement funds, and you retire and live the best life. Well, now it seems like you go to school. Hope and pray you get a good job, but when they don't give you what you want, you jump to another job and you try and go up another level with more money and create a new path in the same industry, in the same realm. But this is how it was done 10, 20 years ago. And is it the same now? I have no idea. I'm not really in this world. I'm self-employed, so I kind of created my own path ish because I followed the society norms of what hairstylists did in my area. I thought this was normal. I thought this was the path that it was written in stone. This is what we had available at our fingertips. So I've learned that just because everyone else is doing it this way does not mean that you're stuck doing this. You can have more opportunities. You can create more experiences for yourself and open up the world a little bit more. So how do you know if you're not living on the right path? There are some symptoms that you can figure out, and I've seen this a lot in my industry in the salon because people get burned out. Why did they get burned out? Because they work and work and work and we trade. Our time for money, and sometimes this is great because everyone shows up on time. No one cancels. It all works. But then you have sometimes where people cancel the last minute or just forget about their appointment and don't show up. So you are out that half hour, hour or two hours of income that you are relying on, that you cannot replace, you cannot do over that time limit. To earn the money that you were supposed to, so you're screwed. So it is reliant on having people showing up at the right time to get the money that you are assuming you're going to make. And if you don't, you're out the money. But trading time for money, you put in so many hours of working and to make more money. In the past to make more money, you had to put in more hours. So you're starting at eight hour days and then your books are full. And to give yourself a raise, you have to work 10, 11, 12 hour days to try and create the income that you want. What happens is you're tired. Your life balance is outta whack because every everything else. Beyond those 12 hours gets put on the back burner. I'll deal with my family, my health, whatever you have to put aside to get those hours in to create the income that you want or need to succeed. Well, guess what? I learned something else and that knowledge helped me twist the narrative. I needed to understand that. I can do things a different way. Boom. The glass is broken, the ceiling is raised. I can create anything I want because I got information from education. I learned a new way of doing something because someone stepped outside of their own box and taught other hairstylists how to create new thinking, new habits, a new system, and it is helping so many people. You can do this in every industry if you want to learn something new and if you want to expand your life. So here's the fact. So many hairstylists get something called burnout. Burnout means you are done giving everything of your soul to your clients and to the salon because this is what was taught. You put in all this effort, all this work, and once those hours are done. It's wiped out. You have to start all over again and we get burnout. Burnout. To me, when I've had it, it's because I am doing the same thing over and over again, but I'm not getting the results I want. Hello? Cycle of insanity. Because if you expect this different results from the same action, it's not successful. You have to change something. Even if it's your own mindset. So. We get burnout. You get sick and tired of your job, you start looking around to see, okay, I've been a hairstylist for this many years. What the heck? Kind of job, a nine to five with the security of pay and health insurance and benefits and, oh, a retirement plan. What in the world can I do that I'm equipped with beyond hair? I could go be an educator. Yeah, but you have to go to school for that and get more hours of training to. Be equipped to be able to educate all the years behind the chair. They don't matter. They don't really care. They want you to have this little extra bit of education. So, okay, so you're burned out and you start looking for other things. What really needs to happen, and what I have done in the past is I realize there's something missing. I'm feeling hollow. I'm not feeling rewarded. I feel like I'm giving, giving, giving, and I don't see any value in the future with it. So I go take classes. Before I was learning new hair color techniques, new haircuts, new whatever. Not once did I ever think about taking a business management class. Never once did I think about creating better habits with my financial income because guess what? Yes, I was running my own business. I've been self-employed since 1999, but guess what? I never totally wrapped my head around that. I owned a business, I worked in a salon, so I thought the salon was the business. I file taxes for my income every year, but it's all up to me. It's my magic. It's my time invested, it's my everything to create more for myself. So through the years I've invested in learning how to get better at hair, it's great. It got me to wonderful stages in my career. I can do amazing hair. I love showing transformations. I just showed a client that I took someone's purple hair and turned it to a nice warm blonde. You gotta see it to believe it. It's just incredible. But I felt pride that day because I took someone's hair that they didn't realize it was purple to a beautiful blonde that she wanted. But guess what? That was a fleeting success for me. And yes, there's residual income from her coming in still, but it's one of those mindsets that you have to realize just because I'm, I'm happy in that moment. Does that mean I'm fulfilled in my career? Maybe. But I took another class and it was a hair extension class. Well, guess what? Hair extensions is a whole different world in our industry than just doing haircuts and colors and highlights and styles. It opens the door to so many different possibilities because it just is, our thinking is different and our mindset is different, but the training I. Signed up for the second training that I signed up for. Extensions was the one who blew me away because yes, they taught me the techniques for the extensions. They were very thorough. It was wonderful. Love the technique, but they taught me how to figure out my value as a hairstylist, not in the relationship with my clients. The financial value of being a hairstylist. They showed me how to figure out what my skill level is worth, what different things I can incorporate into my career that could make me do magic. I still think extensions are magic, but it's the training that I took from this company and what I took into myself, and it was a gradual thing. Because it's a step-by-step thing for me. I have to do one thing, create the belief that it's working. I'm valuable in this way, and then I can incorporate one more thing. But I was stressed through this whole process. I was so freaking excited to implement all this information, but I was stressed. There's good stress and bad stress. I'm in good stress right now because I have so much. Work to do in front of me, but there's a value in it for me. So it is stretching me. It is making me work harder and smarter and figuring out how to get everything done in my timeframe while I get time to relax and refresh my body and my brain. So stress doesn't always have to be bad. Sometimes stress is good because it is a good thing for you. It's putting you outside of your comfort zone and creating new things. Now, am I unhappy sometimes in my career, in my life, yes. I'm unhappy with myself'cause I'm not working hard enough or smart enough to incorporate this information into my business fast enough. Other people probably think this is crazy because I'm unhappy because I'm growing and changing, but I want it now. I want to be able to reach more and help more by doing this, but I'm also realizing that I have to do it one step at a time because if I try to jump all the way ahead in six months time, I'll miss all that value of learning it one step at a time. From one lesson to the next lesson to the next lesson. Because I'm growing myself, I'm trying to absorb it into my cells to understand exactly how this step, how I can put it into my business, how I can incorporate this into action one step at a time. This is my story of how I stretched myself. I became more because I have been burned out multiple times in my career. What's kept me in it? I freaking love it. I love seeing the transformation that I'm doing on a client's hair from them upset about how their hair's not working and not behaving to using a new product on'em, and totally changing their, their day-to-day styling techniques. Yes. That sounds odd maybe for people not the hair, but it gives value to me because I feel like check mark's a win for today and someone walking out and loving their hair and making it easier to style for the next few weeks. What does this mean for your life, in your career? Are you burned out? Are you stressed, good or bad? Do you feel drained? After your day of work, there's a good drain and a bad drain. There's a physical exhaustion, there's a mental exhaustion, and then there's the soul sucking drain from your life. You have to figure out if you're unhappy about something. Why? Why does this something cause you to feel unhappy? To feel not valued, to feel exhausted. Yeah, only you can figure this out'cause it's your life, your day to day. Is it just your mindset where there's something that you can bring in to your job and adds a new flare, add a new habit? Or is it something else in your life that needs a tweak, something you need to work on, something you need to bring into your life? So here's the question. What are you working for? Yeah, everyone's working for the dollar so that it can buy you things, keep you in your home, keep you in your car, making it a new car, having the toys that you like, going out to restaurants, or vacations. That's a time swap Also, you'll trade your time for whatever you wanna spend it on. It's good. It's very good. But is that really what you're working for? Is there a value that you get from working? Does it make you feel successful? Does it make you feel valued, or do you feel undervalued? Think about it. You have to have a purpose in your life. Your job might not be your purpose on life. For many years, my purpose was my daughter. I wanted to break habits and cycles in my family. I'm watching it happen right now. And I gave so much of myself, but it was a value to me. She was my purpose and she still is, but she doesn't need me as much as she did before. She's an adult, so I feel like I can focus my direction wider on other things. So when she was younger, when I was homeschooling her and working and doing as much as I could. My a hundred percent focus was on my daughter on the everyday minute by minute concern for my daughter, but I owned a business and I had to focus on putting in my hours at work, working on my customers, building loyalty and relationships with my clients and my coworkers, because that was important to me. But did it always give me the value I needed? No, I was freaking exhausted most of the time from running in circles and jumping through hoops, trying to get everything accomplished. And I will say there were many times that my daughter was put on the back burner because I had to focus on work wasn't always the best thing, but there are times that you have to juggle a little bit. But my value was watching my daughter grow and learn and become. I had to course correct myself on becoming the parent that I wanted. I was not a good mom all the time. I had emotional breakdowns and freakouts. My daughter is a little bit too much like me. We're stubborn. So stubborn, and we like to be right. So you will understand through your life and all the stages that your purpose in life, will twist and change, but you have to give a full value to as much as you can. You have to figure out how to juggle. What is your purpose right now? What do you think drives you to get out of bed in the morning to get up with your alarm clock and get to work? What are you working towards? What are you working forward? What is the most value in your life? How long will that last before it moves on to the next one? You'll still give your effort, but it's your, not your a hundred percent rewarding emotion'cause you have ups and downs in your life all the time. Think about that. What is your purpose? What are you working for? I'm sure whenever you're closer to retirement, I hear my clients talking about only they only have this many months to work or this many years to work, and they get out of bed because they're working towards their retirement, so then they can live the full life that they can imagine as retirement. But I also have people in my chair that are retired and they feel hollow. They don't know what to do with themselves because their purpose is gone. They got to the golden gates of retirement and they're trying to figure out what, now I'm bored, I'm empty. Is this the rest of my life? So again, you have to re-figure out what your purpose is. Find joy in something. I know my family, they don't know how to retire. I think they're busier in retirement than they are in the working life because they don't know how to stop. They have, they strive on purpose, so some of'em got part-time jobs. They weren't ready to retire fully yet, so they just gave themselves extra time by getting a part-time job instead, the full-time job. I've known many that have thrown their lives into church in charities, in helping. And they get their fulfillment through there, through watching their grandchildren grow and helping raise them to doing different things. Your fulfillment does not have to be a paying job. It can be guiding someone and big brothers and big sisters. It could be fulfillment by hanging out with your friends more, by rewarding yourself with conversations, support systems, and understanding how to help each other and build each other up. That support system that not everyone has. It might be going on vacations more with your spouse and spending that one-on-one time that you haven't had since you first dated, before you had children and had to focus on so many other things. Figure out what your goal is in life. What are you wanting? Can the situation you're at right now get you to where you want to be down the road? Are you happy getting through? The day-to-day mindset. I know so many people, I'm one of them who thinks that, oh, when I have time, I'm gonna start exercising. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna go do this and this and this. To be in the best health of my life. I'm going to cook more. Ooh, those are red flags for me because I sure need to cook. But I hate cooking. I really hate cooking. I'll bake, but that's not good for you either. Figure out some things. Ask those hard questions to yourself. Just figure out why you're doing this, what you want out of it, and how can I make it even more valuable to yourself? There's this old commercial that when I was writing the notes down for this podcast, it popped in my head and it was from my childhood. I think it was a Dunkin Donuts commercial There was an alarm clock that came on and I think it was like three or four in the morning and he popped up out of bed and it was an older gentleman, he had gray hair, I think he was bald. He pops up outta bed and he said, gotta make the donuts. And it was his habit every day he went and made donuts at the donut shop. What's the purpose of it? I have no idea, but. You think about it, and this is what we do in our life. Your alarm goes off. You wake up, you gotta go make the donuts, you gotta go to the job and make some money. So great. But don't fall into the habit of just going down your well beaten path that you put yourself on when you were 18, 19, 20 something. Look around. Are you happy? Is it going to get you where you want? It's a big gamble. It's lottery system of careers. Right. But a lot of people just figured this out with being laid off in the last two years. So think about it. What would you do different? I had a client, she was a homeschool mom and her, her youngest graduated high school. They just moved and she was so nervous about figuring out who she was because her whole existence has been a wife and a mother and a homeschool mom. This is a huge identity to a mom. This is your identity. You are giving to your spouse. You are giving everything to your children, but she was a little worried about what she was going to do with her time. She's never focused on herself much in 20 some years, and she was literally scared and I was so excited by the idea of having time to focus on yourself. But this was me. This was her. Her fear was not knowing what to do with herself. She felt like her value was gone. And I think that's what empty nesters kind of find They have invested their whole life into raising their children. And now they jump the nest and they're lost. They don't know what fulfillment in their life really means anymore.'cause you have to keep recreating and understanding and finding options of fulfillment. No, I haven't spoken to this mom in a long time. I follow her on Facebook, she's a sweetheart and she has tried many things in the last few years of her graduation as a homeschool mom, she's still a beautiful wife for her husband, and she has found things that she absolutely loves, and I feel now it's just through Facebook. But I feel like she is happy because she's discovering what she loves to do, what she wants to do for the rest of her life, and try to enjoy every moment of it. She has figured out what her fulfillment, what fulfills her now as. A retired homeschool mom as a happy wife that gets to focus on her husband, her dogs, and her grandchildren, and her children. But it's not a full-time job anymore. So think about it. How many different things have been your method of fulfillment in your life? Now, if you're just in your twenties, it might not mean much because a sport might have been your fulfillment of accomplishment and validation. College, you could have been fulfilled and happy because you graduated with this degree, and then you starting a job and you're the low man on the totem pole, and you have to work on a different fulfillment method. So what could fulfill you? What do you see in your life right now that would make you happy? To give you a purpose to help create something? If it's not your job, it's fine. A job is a purpose to earn money, to enable you to do whatever you want. Not everyone is fulfilled by their job. It's no big deal. They'd rather just go, make the donuts, get the job done, make the money, and go live their life to the fullest. When the job is over. Good. There's no right or wrong here, people. It's all about your own life. Make it what it is and you can create your own happiness. But don't fall into the habit of letting yourself feel burned out and just staying on the path because you don't know what else to do. Search for something. Figure out what will make you happy, and if you really have no clue, dabble in things, figure it out. You can take a random class online anywhere you want. You can pick up hobbies. You can go start a group or join in any kind of a group You want to see if that's important. It's your own life. Don't fall short by not questioning what you want. Yeah, it might be hard to figure out because you've never really focused on what makes you happy. What's your purpose? What do you want out of this life? But ask those questions to yourself. Journal. That's my best thing ever. When you have a quiet space and you're trying to figure something else. Get a notebook or type. Type on a computer and figure out, just let your mind wander and write it down and figure out what you're telling yourself, because you might be amazed by what's rattling around in your brain that you don't let yourself fully enable listening to yourself and just roam and enjoy. I hope this helped. Figure out what you want, why you want it, and how to get it. Have a great week. I'll see you later.