Conviction to Growth

So you have changes you want in your life, career, relationships. Now what? I break down the thinking and conviction to stay focused on making it a reality. 

You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable as you grow and let yourself change to create a new reality. It isn't always easy to say no to the life you were comfortable in. If you can question, if this decision will bring you closer or further away  from where you want to be? That one thought could help you say yes or no. 

You may have people around you upset by how you are growing, and they let you know. Having the understanding of why this is good, will help you not be defeated when you hear they aren't happy about it. They don't need to know why you are choosing this, but you do.

You can't bring your old self into a new life, you have to grow in thinking and habits to become that new person.

Let's jump in and learn some new thinking.

Thank you for listening. Share this episode with a friend that you think would enjoy it.

I would love it if you took the time to leave a rating or review for the show.

Want me to go more in-depth about anything? Let me know.

Send an email with questions to skahrhoff@live.com.

Transcript

Shannon Kahrhoff: 0:05

Hello, welcome to Decoding Clients for Stylists. I'm Shannon Kahrhoff Today I wanna break down of understanding some of the sacrifices you might have to do for bringing in changes into your life. You wanna make an adjustment in your life. Learn new things, create new habits. The truth is sometimes you have to let go of some things in your life, not all the time. Just some things to be able to achieve what you're working towards because you have, to give yourself the extra time to become and to work on projects to understand the different things that is coming. Today I wanna go over the conviction to growth. It is an actual decision to make changes. It is not just putting information in your head, it's creating the new habits. It's learning the process of how things are incorporated into your life to become a better person, a better worker, better. Anything. This pretty much is everything from me being a hairstylist, to being a mother, to trying not to have alcohol in my life as much as I did before, to making that decision in my youth to never pick up a cigarette. These are convictions in my life that I had literally made a specific decision in my life that this needed to not happen, not be a part of my life anymore. Learning this training system, the path that I'm on right now is a huge decision in my life, and I have to sacrifice some things to let myself have this extra time and brain power to become the person that I want. With this information, so some of the sacrifices I do is I don't have as much downtime. I focus my days off on learning more things, doing a different portion of the training. Each time I have some time, I have to give it the brain power I have to create new habits when I'm working. It's also understanding the changes that I need to incorporate into my daily life behind the chair on how I interact with my clients, letting them know some of the processes that are gonna be happening in the future helping them understand. What is coming. So this isn't the easy thing in life Sometimes you really have to make that decision to. Take one path or the other, and this is every decision you have in life pretty much, is do you wanna go down the route that everyone else is going down, or do you need to pause, think about what direction you want your life to go. And you might have to say no to going to a party or say no to going to this event because you need to focus this time on something else. That habit in my life is not important to me anymore just because that's what I usually do or what all my friends do, just because that was a normal thing and that's what everyone expects out of me. That's not valid reason anymore. You have to make that decision that that's not the life I wanna lead anymore and, and go. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I had to make the decision of. I can't be with my friends the way that I had been around them before, because my lifestyle has to totally change. My life is for my daughter now, and it was not that hard of a decision knowing that I could not go out and party with them anymore because drinking was not part of my life for the next nine months. It had to be. Put aside and focus on creating new habits for myself, new thinking, new processes, and I had a lot of stuff to figure out in that timeframe, but my friends assume that once my child was born, that I'd be out there partying with them again. Not understanding the person I was before is totally different than the person I was then, and their life hadn't changed any. They had a friend that got pregnant and had a baby who cares. That didn't affect them. It was one of those things that you, me, as a person, I had to understand where my priorities lied, and it's not the easiest thing. For most people to make those decisions of, no, that's not where I need to be at right now. That's not an important thing. Yes, every so often, go for it, but no, this is where my decisions had to go, and you have to be able to validate it in your own mind. You do not have to tell anyone else why you say no. They might harass you about it, might joke around and. Give you some flack for not doing what they want you to do, but you have to understand why you've said no and it's, it is something you have to understand your priorities on why you are choosing to do this process. When I started doing my leadership development business. No one understood what this business was. To be honest, I didn't even know what it was at the beginning. I just knew that it was a step I probably needed to take. So I started in it, had no clue what I was doing, no clue what I had gotten myself into. But over the years, people were harassing me and giving me crap, like, how are you doing in the business? And for me. I got a little upset by'em because they had no clue what they were talking about. They just assumed they knew exactly what I was doing and becoming and wasting my money and my time because I got in some scam something. So these hoity-toity people thought they knew my life better than me. Go for it. But I knew what I was getting out of. It was exactly what I needed. And. No matter how much I could explain it to anyone they were not going to understand because it wasn't a physical object that they could see. I didn't have a new car. I didn't have a big beautiful house. I didn't have money flying outta my wallet, and so they thought I was a failure in this business. So what does anyone else do? You just let your success that you know you're having let, let it flow. It doesn't matter. The people that give you crap are just judging from their own perspective. Who cares? They mean nothing to me and it's okay. I got flack for homeschooling my daughter, and I got that from everyone under the sun from my friends, my family, my customers, and it was, and strangers on the road because they didn't understand why my daughter wasn't in school. So homeschooling probably was the hardest one I've ever had to fight through. I felt like I was at the airport. And I was walking the opposite direction of all these people coming out of the gate, going towards the luggage, and I was heading the opposite direction. I knew why I was doing it. Was I secure in my decision all the time? No, but it was one of those things that I fought through because I knew in my heart that it was right decision for me and for my daughter. At the moment, but it's, it's one of those things, if you know why you're doing it and you know it's the right steps for you, you feel progress in your growth and in your change. You have to keep pushing through just because everyone else is going the opposite direction and giving you looks and telling you something that they can't see. Visual examples of why you're doing it. It's okay. You are succeeding, you are growing, you know what direction you are growing towards. So just because there's no one else around you moving this opposite direction, it's okay. Take a deep breath, understand why you were making this decision, why you are putting yourself through the stress of change, this is a good stress of change because you are growing and becoming someone that you want to become. You wanna sharpen your skills. You want to push yourself towards more success. Do it. Don't let other people scare you off your path because they are harassing you, they are insulting you, or they are pressuring you to just, why are you making it so hard? Just do what the rest of us are doing. We're all succeeding. You don't need to change and grow and become anything different. Just be like us. It's okay and it's fine for some people, but if you are. Itching for something different. Keep going. You're great. But the conviction to growth is an important thing. You have to understand that growing and changing is not going to be the mainstream path for so many people because. Not everyone wants to change. They wanna do just enough where they can keep their nice, secure, steady job and be fine. They want it to be status quo. They want everyone to be on the same path as them, but they wanna be just a step higher. That's pretty normal. Right? Right. So I, I want you to think about what are you growing towards? What are you trying to change into your life? There's so many different changes that we can do, and not everyone around you will understand. Here's the best thing you can do. Stay quiet about your change. You don't have to tell everyone that, Hey, I'm going on a diet today, or, Hey, I stopped drinking today, or I'm starting to exercise with my dog every day. Yeah, because what happens is people start looking at what you're saying, they look at themselves. It's like, well, I don't wanna get a dog and start walking every day. Heck no. It's hot outside. It's nasty. And so they're going to poo poo your idea of what you wanna do. Now, if you are a strong person, you can look at them and say, whatever, I'm doing it for myself. This is my decision. It has nothing to do with you. But for anyone else that is starting a new path, trying to become different, to grow, to change in any aspect of your life, you know, those unsteady first steps into change and understand something new is hard. Those first few steps you're looking around like, what if someone sees me trip? What if someone sees me make a mistake? The people that are growing and changing. Will applaud you because you're making positive steps forward. You are growing, you're changing, you are changing your habits, your thinking, and. It's normal to misstep when you're learning something different, rowing somewhere else other than what you're doing already. So understand it actually is easier when you first start. Don't tell anyone because unless, okay, here's the thing. I suggest you only tell people that you feel will a hundred percent support you. You don't need anyone's thoughts and process and insults or challenges to your, your dedication. You want someone who's gonna back you up and applaud you for making changes and be willing to let you have that more time to figure out what you're doing to understand it. Because if you don't have those people applauding you and encouraging you, it can be harder. And it is hard when no one understands what you're doing and all they see is how much money and time you're investing into this. You spent what on that education? What in the heck can they teach you that is worth that much money wasted in one day? Well, a lot because what does it change or what does it cost you to feel more? Confident in your own body to feel more confident in your habits and your beliefs. Because you've stretched your thinking, you have researched thoroughly on how to have positive thoughts and positive steps and positive growth. Only you know what's worth it for you. No one can understand your thought process unless you verbalize it to them. No one understands the change that you're doing it because here's the truth, change is incremental. It is like a snail crawling every day when you read a new book or you work on the next step of the program, you are growing and changing. But does anyone see it? No. My best friend for most of my life didn't see me growing and changing. She knew that I had, was different than the very negative foul mouth high school friend that I was, and she, I grew under her nose and she had no idea about it. So I want you to understand that she knew I was in a. A personal development business? Did she wanna know what it was? Nope. Did she have a clue what I was doing? Nope. Did she care? Nope. But me investing time when I didn't have a lot of time. Taking that extra 15, 20 minutes in the morning or at night or between clients cracking open. Cracking open a book to read about how to. Think bigger. Dream bigger. Understand the possibilities that I have in front of me. If I'm willing to take a step, willing to take a, make a change in my life. By those small little steps, you make changes. And you know what? When you start putting more positive mindset in your. In your habits and your thought process, it becomes normal. All of a sudden, that inner voice that you have in your brain, it's not insulting you or reminding you that, Hey, don't trip up the steps like you did in 1972. I wasn't born then, by the way, but, but. That negative thinking process can be stopped by putting more positive mindset information in there. Reading the Magic of Thinking Big, or, oh, there's so many amazing books that you can read because. If you start putting positive thoughts in there, your brain becomes more positive. You have more of an uplifting thought process of, if I do this, then I can become this. I will get more confident doing this, and it'll be better. Okay? So I know in my soul that I am a more positive, happy person. When I'm doing these positive steps, because I'm growing and I'm changing, I'm not expecting my life to be the same normal balance that I've had for years.'cause I want to stair step up every day. Small incremental changes, working towards a positive. Do I succeed every day? Heck no. I was just in the darkest funk a few weeks ago because I felt like crap. I was tired. My body hurt all over because I was so stressed. I was so overwhelmed by everything. It was my thought process. I felt like I had put too much on my plate and I couldn't figure out how to get my thinking right again. Guess what? I had a slower week. I had time to rest to heal my body. I went to the chiropractor every week to try and get my body to feel better.'cause when you, your body feels better, everything feels better. But it's one of those functions I have to consciously keep in my mind that if my body hurts or my brain hurts. I'm in a dark place for if it happens for too long, and that's exactly what happened. I was not happy, I was exhausted. I had a hard time keeping awake in certain times of the day because I was exhausted. I was stressed out, I was worried and it was just bad. And. I want you to understand that just because I know this information doesn't mean I'm successful a hundred percent at mastering it. You still have your low points, but you know what happens? I find a positive podcast or a positive book that I'm reading to make sure that I'm slowly working that positive in again, because I don't wanna go too far down, down into the negative boat. I've been down that well before. I don't want that. I wanna stay positive. I wanna know that even though my whole body aches, it's okay. It can be fixed. Everything is changing. Everything is growing, and tomorrow is another day But I want you to understand that. Just because you know this, it's so easy to forget it because it's easier to be upset or sad or stressed because it's not going the way you think it is. So I had to relax, calm down, and reprioritize my thinking process and my habits. I know whenever I'm like this, I have to be careful with my energy level. I can't keep pushing through. I have to take a step back. Back, and. Let my body heal. So when I did that, I also had to step back from certain things, certain activities. So understanding your own body on how things work is key. But sometimes you just have to go easier on yourself. So my body doesn't relapse into a, a bad. Spot because I can't go down to the no energy body again. So understand, life is not easy. Life is not a simple thing. If you're trying to grow and change for some reason, I always feel like I'm hitting a great spot. I have a nice pace on, on work, home friends, my paperwork, and everything, I feel like I can be at an easy pace. Everything flows well, everything is understandable and easy, and then all of a sudden it's like I hit a speed bump or something and everything's out of a alignment. Everything is wrong. I know now how to fix it. I find my positive things. I know if I'm in a fully exhausted body, that there are certain movies or shows that I can watch and will uplift my spirit, which will make me happier. Certain books that I can read and remind myself of the positive steps that I can do. To become better, to think better, to feel better, and how to not give too much of myself out, especially when I'm in a bad mood. When you make changes in your life, know why you're doing it. Why are you making yourself uncomfortable enough to change? Is there a situation in your life that you're trying to fix? Is it just trying to get better at your job? Focus on it, understand why you're doing it. So whenever you have a set plan in place, you know that you're gonna go home after work and you're gonna go work on your educational platform for an hour, and you get home from work and someone calls you up and says, Hey. I have this going on. You wanna come with me tonight? You have to know why you're gonna choose the easy way of going out with this person, your friend, or if you're going to do the hard part and stay home and work on that for an hour, why can't you say, Hey, I have something I have to do right after work for an hour and then I can meet you there. That's usually okay. And then you have a reason why. You should go ahead and push through as soon as you get home and go get it done. Sometimes you're gonna have to say, no, I can't do that this weekend because I have this, I have to do. Because you know what you're building towards is going to get you somewhere, make you feel better, become more. It's not always the easiest thing, but it's just so worth it because every step forward. Increases the value of your life. You feel better. You feel better, and you're going into a direction that you know is going to get you the change that you are wanting. But don't be a lemming. You know how lemmings follow each other? They just get a big hoard of lemmings and they jump off a cliff. So they all jump into the ocean. Do they die? I have no idea. I've never learned that part about lemmings, but. Sometimes you have to see these people rushing off to this fun environment. Knowing that, will that bring me closer to my goal or further away from my goal? And I can tell you there was many years that it was taking me away from my goal to go hang out with the same old habits of my old self. Because what does it help? It actually took more energy from me. It did not refresh me with that lifestyle because it was draining. It took a day the next day to recover from that level of hanging out with your friends. I wanted something else. I needed something different, and I got it from a lot of small decisions, making those harder decisions. But as I understood the value and why I said no, it became easier. To separate myself from my old life of doing the same thing continuously and never liking the results. The next day or that night, I'm sitting there spending money trying to figure out why I'm bored instead of getting a good night's sleep, and starting over the next day with progress and enjoying my day. Life's not always like that, but you need to understand the decisions that you have to make sometimes to keep going in the right direction, because time is hard to find clear minded time to actually work towards something, to understand something. Reading that book, doing that next section of the educational section, you have to understand. It's so worth it, but sometimes you really do have to fight through the crowd to become who you want to be.'cause some people don't want you to grow too fast around them to make a difference in there. When I first moved into the salon I'm at now, when I first moved there so many years ago, I was a first stylist that rented my station. So I paid a flat fee every week to have that space. I had all my own supplies, I handled my own clients, my own finances. Everything was on me. I was able to use the station, the towels and the dryer. Everything else was supplied by me. Everyone else in that salon was commissioned. They walked in with their scissors, maybe their blow dryer. Everything else was provided for them. They had a receptionist to schedule their appointments, take the payments to do pretty much everything else. And it's just a different career path. It's no big deal. There's not that huge difference other than there's more responsibilities as a rental stylist than commission. They're an employee. So when I first came there, they did not like me coming in. The stylists, the owners were fine. I'm sure they were hesitant because I was the first rental they had in their salon, but. I was different. They were worried I was coming in and changing everything. This was their turf. This is how they do things. And there was a few of'em that flat out told me, this is how we do stuff. Don't screw around, don't mess with our schedule, don't mess with our stuff and we'll be fine. You stay in that shampoo bowl, not the one the owners told you to be in. And I'm like, sure, whatever. Now mind you, I just came from a horrendous experience at the salon before, so they weren't belittling me and they weren't. Trash talking me. So it was a win. So I'm working there and just doing my stuff. I come in when my clients have appointments, I leave whenever everything's cleaned up and I can leave no problem in out work. Great. And over the years they realized that I was not causing them problems. What they realized is. I handled all my cash. I got to pick the supplies that I wanted to use on my clients, and over many, many years, they actually realized that they wanted the same job model that I had. So one by one. They slowly went to rental instead of being commissioned, no biggie. I didn't encourage them to go rental. They had the sweet life, man. They could come and go as they pleased. The owners did not make them stick to a strict schedule. They got lots of vacations and days off. It was amazing. They got more days off than I gave myself. But getting through those first six months and year of working there. It was a challenge because one stylist especially acted like she was the owner, manager. The owners worked there every day of the week. Why She felt like she needed to be the owner manager, it doesn't matter, but she liked to cause strife. She wanted to make sure I knew where my place was and it was not. In her area, it was totally fine. I survived. I'm used to passive aggressive people, so it was fine. But you have to understand when you are stepping into something new, you are gonna come across people like that.'cause you're going against what they think is normal. You have to understand that it's worth it. You live your life. You do what you wanna do to create what you want. You focus on what you're doing, and whenever you get that little person behind you nipping at your heels, trying to squish you down a little bit, use it as your motivation to become who you want to be and not become that person. Because there were times in my life I didn't understand what other people were doing, and I was so confused. I didn't understand it, but I did not feel safe to ask questions on why they think a certain way and why they're doing it. I'm one of those that sit back, watch, and understand a little bit, and if they're comfortable with me asking a question, then I will ask a question about why they're choosing to do, to do things a certain way, just because it's a different method than what I learned. So use it as motivation. Whenever someone questions you or tries to insult you by you changing. Because every time you make a change, you're gonna have to understand why you choose to make this change. Because when someone comes and insults you and tries to challenge you on why you think you're valuable enough to make a change, to become someone new, to become someone different than what is the status quo, you'll understand why this person is choosing to question you and you can sit back and go. Oh, it's because I'm focusing on this and this and this, and my goal is this. Only if you feel comfortable with giving that out.'cause there are some people that will use it as ammunition against you. They'll go back to the whispering Nancy's in the back and start spreading stuff. Can you believe she thinks she's worth this? Oh my gosh. Fine. That's okay. People are gonna do that. But you need to understand why you are doing it, so you stand strong in your conviction of why you are making yourself comfortable being uncomfortable with changes, because that's the trick. You have to get comfortable not following the crowd. And you will find people randomly on your path that also wants to grow and change. They might be quiet about it, but they're still going and doing it. They're investing money in themselves to create a better life, to challenge what they know now. They are hungry to go learn and become something different, to manage something different in their life. Those kind of people you need to keep. On your favorites because sometimes when you falter with why you are pushing yourself and challenging yourself and keep striving for something better, that person will also be your safety net with being able to reach out and say, Hey, I am struggling with this right now. What do you think? And because they're growing and learning and they make themselves uncomfortable in everything. That they want to grow in, they will understand the struggle, the mindset, your confidence level, and they are gonna be the one who will bolster you up and remind you of why you are worth more, why you are okay being different than anyone else in your area, in your, your company, in your town. Because you are focusing on becoming better, stretching and pushing the limits, you need those people around you that will help build you up whenever you are low and you do it in return when you have those people that have those low moments. Also, reach out, help'em out. You tell them the strengths that you see in them and why you are impressed by their skill levels. Just because they're uncomfortable with what they're learning at that moment, that's huge because you need those people in your back pocket to help remember your strengths, your power, and to keep pushing through. You're just having a bad day. Keep going, keep growing. Keep striving for excellence. Because it's fun. It is so fun learning how far you've come, when you look back in your years and you, you remember. What you were years ago, what your skill level was, and where your thinking was back then, what you thought was possible those years ago to what you think is possible now, it will blow your mind. It is so incredibly amazing to know just how far you've come by stretching and believing more. I hope this helped. Any questions, let me know. I'll be glad to help you if I can. You guys have a great week and I'll see you later. Bye.