Hard Truths

Have you heard the saying your life now is from the decisions you made in your life?

Life is all about what you choose for yourself. Even bad options are a decision. Have you ever stopped to look at your life to see why you do what you do? 

This week was all about decisions for myself and a few people I spoke with. for me it was holding a boundary for my protection. Others were what they chose for themselves. When someone is unhappy with their life, do they look back to see how they got there? Saw the choices they made? 

I believe you can change your circumstance at any moment if you so choose. Only you have the power to make changes in your life. 

Lets jump in.

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Want me to go more in-depth about anything? Let me know.

Send an email with questions to skahrhoff@live.com.

Transcript

Shannon Kahrhoff: 0:02

Hello, welcome to the Decoding Clients for Stylists. I'm Shannon Kahrhoff. Today I want to ask you a hard question. Do you ever look at your life and realize that the life you're living right now is because of the decisions you made throughout your life? So one decision, you have a hard decision, or the easy decision, depending how you're looking at it, and that decision leads you on this path. And then the next. Time you have to make a decision. It guides you another direction. I have had a few clients and people in my life lately that talk to me and. Each one had a different perspective on things. Now, me personally, I think the decisions I've made in my life has created where I am now, but I also realize that I can make another decision to change it or to stop that decision at any time, because I am in control of my own life. This week I had a phone conversation from a client that left me very angry and upset because I am a person that likes to get my clients in, and if I can, I do, but there's sometimes I have to put a limit to it, and 10 hours behind the chair is enough for me and I should not feel like I have to. Bend over backwards and help someone get in, especially when they themselves are not willing to give up time of their own agenda to get in in my open spots. So this made me angry because I made the decisions to get this person and her spouse in whenever they needed it, because of medical reasons for the the spouse. And now it's one of those things that she just assumes that I will get her in the moment she needs it. So my understanding from this episode is that. It is my decision on if I allow this behavior to be accepted and rewarded by getting an appointment by me coming in extra time. So instead of working 10 hours, I would work 10 and a half hours. Now I have no problem for the most part. If it is my decision, I am not good at someone guilting me or flat out calling me out for this behavior of me not acknowledging their expected outcome. Now again, I have done this in the past because of my own choices, but I have been going through a lot right now, and it's the matter of I am overworking myself. And I have made the decision that I need to make my hours, my hours and not stretching it beyond, and I tried explaining that, but she got angry and put out that I actually had the gaal to say no. So this is my decision. She pretty much solidified that my prices are increasing because I am realizing that I am putting in as much as I can right now, and it is making myself value my importance by doing this. This is not. Something that I take lightly, but it's a wake up call to me that I need to make changes in my boundaries and my level of taking care of myself. So I was very upset. For many days, I'm doing better. It made me realize that just because this is my decision weeks ago, months ago, years ago, it does not mean I have to keep making these decisions because I'm at a different step in my career than I was a few years ago, and it's not going to be there forever. I can change it any moment. It's my life. It is my decision, and once you realize that you can recognize a decision that no longer works for you, you can fix it. You don't have to hang in there and take it on the chin and keep going even though it makes you upset. So this started my whole thing this week and quite a few of my clients were talking about different things and it made me realize we are the decisions we make in our life on what our life direction goes towards. And you can totally be the victim and compare yourself to other people and wish if I would've had that life. My retirement would be so different. So I had a client this week, she's older, she's retired, and she is definitely not happy in where she is in her life and she loves to express that. Well, she made a comment at her appointment talking about how, if. This would've been her life. Wow, that would've been amazing. But this family member has the better life than her. She's stuck doing this, this, this, and this. And I said, I said something like, well, it was the decisions you made in your life that got you to where you are now. She was like, I did not choose to get divorced. I did not choose to do this. I did not choose to do this. But it was kind of her decision. She chose to stay in a relationship. She chose to stay where she is, instead of maybe making that really hard decision to break off that relationship, to be able to offer herself more, to do whatever. I'm not saying right or wrong, it's her life is not my life. You can only take control of your own life and your own direction that you choose to go. So think about that. If you get upset or angry about what you don't have in your life or in your career as a hairstylist, we can be angry. And use the excuse that so many hair stylists are using right now, that the economy is changing. People aren't coming to them as much, and it's one of those things that sometimes you have to look at yourself and how you approach your business, how you treat your clients, and how you do certain things to make a valuable view of what you're doing because sometimes it really is your fault on clients not coming back because maybe you're not good. Maybe you need to take more haircutting classes or color classes, or maybe you need to listen to my first season of podcast to learn how to have a better understanding of your clients, would to increase the value of your conversations and your consultations. Sometimes it's just learning how to be a better person in the business of hair because it is a lot of relationship work. So go back and listen to the first season to understand personalities and the personality code too see if you need to focus on that a little bit more, to work a little bit easier at understanding people and learn how to be an active listener. But sometimes it can be the economy, but the economy only plays so much. I survived 2008 when it was horrible in the salon life, but we survived. We learned new skills, we learned different techniques of how to do different things. It's all a learning experience. But you also have to understand that just because you're unhappy in this situation, you have to try not to blame anyone else. Look hardcore at yourself of your environment and see what isn't making you happy, and see if there's something that you can tweak or change, or only you can decide. Because you have to consciously pay attention to what you're doing and how you're doing it to understand what results you are choosing. Now, I've made many choices in my career, in my personal life and I can say. When I look back at certain things, I wish I would've made a different decision, but I would be a different person now if I would've made those decisions. But I can say that I might not have made that decision at that time. But chances are I made a different decision down the road. Once I was equipped or I was aware of different things, I made different decisions. And that's fine. You have to understand, you might not have been in a spot that you could have done this. You needed to educate yourself on something more. You had to build up your belief lid. You had to understand the value of yourself because. Change is a challenge at times, but that's okay. And you do have the decision on if you want the easier decision, the hard decision.'cause some things are just easier. I will say there are, there have been many things in my life that was hard. Leaving a salon at times has been super hard because I had relationships there. I thought I had friendships and value with the people I worked with, but. Most of them didn't live past me working there. Most of them, they might say hi to me in passing and that's about it. Was that value enough for me to stay in an uncomfortable position because I felt like I had friends. If they're your friends, they're gonna be there for you in different locations. You have to realize when you aren't happy with something, there's a reason why. Maybe you want more. Maybe you're realizing you're not being satisfied in that situation that you're in, maybe you aren't happy at the job because it's just the same day in, day out. Sometimes it's one of those things that you've, as a hairstylist, we create habits and expectations in our chair. I will say there's been many times in my career that I've had to mentally make a change on my expectations because I was tired of being pushed around, just like with my cancellation policy at one time. I'm very easygoing. I am not one of those people who likes confrontations. You have to push me to a certain limit and then the anger kicks in. But you have to understand, once I realized what I was doing, then I started training my, my clients on why canceling at the last minute was not a good thing, that I expected more out of them. And once they understood, and I did put a penalty on there, at times, I had a few clients that were. Perpetual cancelers the day of their appointment, an hour before their appointment sometimes it was their job that ran over and I tried to be understanding, but there was also a time whenever I realized that it wasn't just work that was making them cancel. It was something personal that. Was not a strong enough reason to strip me of my income for that night, throwing away my hours that I had booked out for her because she chose to go to dinner with her spouse. So it's one of those, I understood what was making me angry. I put in boundaries, I explained my boundaries, and then for extra. Oom, I put in a cancellation policy, so she had to pay me so much money, which was not a lot. It did not repay the time. I lost the income that I lost, but it made her understand that she had to pay this money before her next appointment. To be able to get another appointment, and that was enough for her to understand that it was not an easy thing to cancel an appointment at the last minute. It was my decision. It was me. It was my wake up call that made me realize that I'm short selling myself because I was to lax on too many things because I try to be relatable.'cause there were times I had to cancel last minute'cause my child was sick or something happened, the power went out, the hot water heater went out. But you have to understand when you realize that you have an issue, approach it as quick as you can and figure out how to make the decision that you want for the results you want for your life. And that's the facts of doing the hard things sometimes. I'm sure it doesn't sound hard to most people. They're like, just tell the person they're, they're ruining your night. Easier said than done. When you have a relationship with that client and you're trying to be professional and not that make them feel horrible for something that they did not understand affects you financially. So always start with. Figuring out why are you angry? How can you fix this and figure out the steps to get you there? Life is all about decisions and sometimes the hard part is pushing yourself to feel like you're inclined enough to make those changes and then hold them up and make them happen in the boundaries. That's a hard thing for me to figure out, but if I don't hold up my own boundaries, who will? Another client that I had this week was life changing. Honestly. I've known this girl since she was in high school and all through college, everything, and she's had this long-term boyfriend and she doesn't talk about him much. She was telling me this at her appointment and she made the decision to make a choice to change something in her life. She made a list of every reason that she made this decision, so she doesn't go back to this old habit that's comfortable, that's understandable and even though she's not comfortable, but it's what she expected for the rest of her life, and to see her strength and her understanding in. Looking back at her time with this person and understanding that she's not okay with not being in charge of her own life. She actually made the realization to herself that she had to change herself to fit into what made him comfortable and seeing this super hard decision in someone's life is incredible because. She made this decision on her own. No one coaxed her. She, she kept the secrets of her relationship away from everyone she knew, from her friends, from her family, from his family. Everything was quiet, was secret. It was her burden that she chose to bear alone because she thought this was her person. And I will say, I've seen so many people in my chair through the years. That don't make those hard decisions. They might say it, but they don't follow through because sometimes change is so hard that they can't get all the way through the change. They want to go back to what they feel is comfortable'cause that's the value they have in themselves, in the shape of their life. Who knows what their life's gonna hold in the future, but the decisions they make right now is the future that they're living. And by this young lady making this decision, I actually congratulated her on her way out because she made a super hard decision. She took. Her life in her own hands and figured out what she wanted and what value she wants. And I will say, the lady that was in my chair eight weeks ago is a different person than I just spoke to this week because she chose to break out of the limited thinking that she thought was possible in her life. She made a super hard decision and she said it was like a light bulb one day and realized that she doesn't want to feel like this for the rest of her life, and she had to let go of the image that she thought she was gonna have for the rest of her life. So who knows what's gonna happen, but I will say the direction her life is going to go now is a lot broader than what she thought her life was gonna be just a few weeks ago. So it's been an incredible week of talking to these people and not really realizing where my, my thought pattern and process has been because. I'm just a listener to my clients. I do ask questions. I let them go through things and talk. I think that's my biggest value other than great hair, but I'm a listener. I've learned how to let them feel comfortable and let them express themselves however they want, because some people just need people to listen to without putting any limitations on them or trying to coax them to think the way that you want them to think. I will say in the past when clients have beared their souls to me and they have told me things sometimes I remind them of what they said in the past because they were in a growth pattern at that time. And I will say some of them get angry at me because they are not in that space of strength that they were when they spoke the truth. And it's not my life to live. It is totally theirs, but. Sometimes it's very hard listening to them complain about the life they're living right now because of the decisions they chose a few years ago and the decisions they're choosing to live now, it's not my life, it's theirs, but I really want people to, to recognize when there is a feeling of anger, frustration, and. Unease, I guess look at your life. Figure out the life that you're living right now. Are you gonna be happy with that in 10, 20 years? Is this the life that you want? And sometimes you have to look at yourself and the steps that you've lived your life with and figure out if this is really worth it for you. If this is the life you want. Oh, that's awesome. That's amazing. You'll still have hard decisions coming up in your life one way or the other. Life is enough to throw you some curve balls sometimes, and then you have a new option to create what you want. Do the hard truths for yourself and understand I've had them in my life. I understand how you sit and you think, and you doubt. Am I strong enough to do this? Am I capable to do this? My hard decisions through the last few years have been incredible. I've made the hard decisions to move to a different salon, to move again to a salon. Do education that is way outside my comfort zone, expecting more of myself and understanding the life that I was living at that moment before I paid for that training. I knew this was not going to be sustainable for the rest of my life. I knew that was not the life I wanted to have when I'm 50, when I'm 60. So I made a hard decision. I changed everything. I opened up the future to whatever could be possible, and every time I've made another hard decision, you have to figure out if it's worth it for yourself, if that's something that's gonna make you happy, if that's something you're willing to put the work into to create more. Just like with my job, my business, I am someone who looks at myself whenever it's not making me happy. And realizing, am I on the right path? Is this really worth it? Do I need to stop or change? And if it's yes, I need to stop, hit pause, figure something else out, I will. But usually what I'm looking at is like, yes, I'm on the right path. Yeah, it's hard right now. There's a lot of change going on in my life. Change is good. The future I see is pretty bright right now because I am making those hard decisions and changing things, allowing my life to morph and change as it goes. And I am changing so much with my business at the salon. I'm trying to incorporate so many things and roll with it. Yes, it's causing me anxiety. Yes, change is hard for me, so very hard because I have to grow and change myself to be able to handle the future. It create so many new habits to be able to become the person I want for the future, not just for myself, my clients, and whoever else is around me.'cause I know there's so much more. But I had to do the hard truths with myself to realize, is this what I want? Is this all I'm gonna let myself have? Nope. There's so much more out there. What do you want? Is this where you wanna be? Are you happy with your life right now? If your life was like this for the rest of your life. Would you be happy? Great. That's fantastic. Is there something you wanna tweak a little change a little here. A little there. You need a new mattress? Go for it. But. Do yourself a favor. Figure out what habit you created that might not be working for you anymore, and go from there. Life is all about looking at your yourself, your life, what things do you need to change, and then figure out how you wanna change it. It could be the smallest little direction, and it could mean the difference to you in the future. Thank you guys. I hope that helped a little bit. If you have any questions, contact me. I'd be happy to reach out and have a good week. I'll see you later.