#16 What Is Your Creative Outlet?

Transcript

Chelsea: 0:00

And welcome back to the Brighter Podcast. My name is Chelsea,

BatSheva: 0:03

My name is Batsheva,

Chelsea: 0:05

and my life is so much brighter thanks to Batsheva

BatSheva: 0:08

my life is super brighter. Thanks to Chelsea.

Chelsea: 0:10

We love to come on here and share our stories, our tools and techniques, our life experience, and sometimes really get vulnerable with you in order to brighten someone's day and to hope that these episodes reach all that they're meant for. And today we're gonna be talking about our creative outlets. Last week we talked about how we comfort ourselves and, but Batsheva and I have both found that creativity is a huge part of that. so that's what we're gonna be diving into today. But before we do that, we like to arrive in the. Space together. So if you're able to close down your eyes, I invite You to do that. If not, please keep them open, especially if you're driving or doing something where eyes closed is not safe. And we'll begin by taking a deep breath in the nose and exhaling out the mouth. Another deep breath. And exhaling out the mouth. Last breath, deepest one, and exhale.

BatSheva: 1:26

Nice.

Chelsea: 1:28

Beautiful. Sometimes just doing that really can change the whole perspective, so. Diving into our creative outlets, we would love to hear what you all do for creative outlets. for me personally, I have found throughout my life, it's definitely changed. there was a time where I was really into pottery and throwing on the wheel, which I still love, and I hope to get back into the one lady who does it at her house. She like always has a wait list, but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to get in there soon. I've found that through sound, through the Tibetan singing bowls and crystal singing bowls and the tuning forks that I've been getting into recently. That's been a really big creative outlet and creating gifts for people. whenever we go on these trips to see our favorite band, the string cheese incident, or we go on Jam Cruise or something like that, everyone's always handing out stickers or trinkets or something that they've made, whether it's leather or magnets. And so coming up with something creative like that has also been fun. I went through a phase of being catchers and friendship bracelets.

BatSheva: 2:52

That reminds me, my cousin, who lives on the East coast in Connecticut, she just posted online, someone had posted this picture of these beautiful crocheted roses of all colors that I guess she had gifted her friend and she had made, and my cousin, I think she's in her seventies, but it was just like the most gorgeous cool craft.

Chelsea: 3:11

I love that. I love crafting. I feel like that's one of the things, as I have gotten a little older, it's really taking the time and dedicating that time to creativity, because you can find your schedule so filled with so many other things, and it's like coming back to that creativity, to that play to really enjoy life and to make it fun.

BatSheva: 3:33

And it's funny'cause one of the reasons Chelsea and I really wanted to put this episode up had to do with the fact that. We wanna specifically call out creativity as a technique and a tool for making our days brighter for self love, for self-compassion, self care, because as she mentioned, our last episode was on how we comfort ourself. Sometimes we do that in ways that is a little self-harming, even though in the moment it, soothes us like, we'll use substances or whatever, or food, to overcompensate for some negative feelings My own journey with creativity in my adult life, in my later adult life led me to ultimately incorporate it and weave it into the method that I created that I coach with. And that was like a non-negotiable deal breaker. Like working with someone as a coach, I do have them doing the daily Ws with me, like exchanging, you know, their wins was and wishes or not exchanging, sharing them with me and I give them the reply and we do some other techniques, but the creative writing or doing what lights them up creatively. It could be crafting, it could be DIY projects. It could be like singing karaoke. it's integral to the program because I coach from what I lived and experienced, and what happened to me is that after being a super creative child, mostly in the realm of performing if it was writing, singing, acting, I mean, I even love standup comedy, like all of that. every single kind of creative writing. and I did it very consistently throughout my entire life, including through college. Although as I've, I think, said here on the podcast before, I've definitely written about it, I definitely shut down a part of myself. That used to love to sing and act once I got to college.'cause I got, you know, rejected whatever, and I was so sensitive and all I really wanted was, approval I guess, and acceptance. So when I didn't get that, it just shut me down completely. So I kind of pivoted to directing, being a little bit behind the scenes. And then when I had. Something akin to kind of like a nervous breakdown in my early twenties, moving out here to LA and rebuilding from that. I rediscovered creativity. At that point. In my twenties, I wrote, acted, and sang in a one woman show. I had this explosion of creativity. I had a band we played around town. I was writing screenplays. I wrote a novel, and all of that was like an explosion of amazing creativity. It was like the main. Goal of my professional life was to be professionally creative, and I pivoted so sharply. Oh my goodness. Like, I don't know what astrologically my chart had in store for me, but I guess I know because I did live it for the past 20 years, but I chose. This path of diving into a spiritual life. In my case, it was through the tools and techniques as laid out by the Kabbalah Center, but I took it so seriously. I went as deep as a person can go, which they don't necessarily advise, but I wanted it. I chose a man to marry who was super intense in that world. Like following all the guidelines, almost like modern Jewish Orthodox life, although the way we were celebrating it and the way we were, like our intentions were very spiritually focused. and then having a family, which I really at that point wanted so desperately I wanted to be a mother. I had this dream of having two boys and two girls, and I fucking fulfilled that dream. I have two boys and two girls, you know, knock on wood. they're healthy and happy and it's all good. But in the process of having child after child and doing this spiritual system that meant like following all these rules and guidelines and kind of like subjugating. My own independence to like rules and someone else's guidelines. I really began to lose my creative spark. Little by little by little, I still would keep up, you know, a little bit here, a little writing there. I had a blog, a mom blog for a while. But by the time the fourth child hit and we opened our coffee shop, the retail store, which was like 24 7, needed attention and mothering. It was like a fifth child. my creativity had, shrunk to zero, I think like literally zero. And I was, that was probably the beginning of like my low point in my marriage, because I was just sacrificing that spark within myself. In order to support and help everyone around me, especially my husband, the business of my children, and they didn't notice or care, it was like kind of up to me. I would've needed to assert myself and I didn't, I did not assert my own needs and desires. I didn't even, I wasn't even in touch with them. So, you know, cut to five years later, I had. Begun to miss it so much and I started to take some guitar lessons and begin to learn how to accompany myself. The songs I had written, I had never been able to accompany myself on guitar. So I learned enough to be able to like perform a couple of them at like our five year coffee shop, celebration, anniversary of being open and one of my clients at the time. Who worked in a jewelry store around the corner. She's, she's this wonderful Russian girl, Natalia. She said, oh my God, you're born to do that. Why aren't you doing that? I used to be in a band in New York, like, I'm a drummer. We should be in a band. And I was like, oh my God. Yes, yes, yes. But in the back of my head, I was like, eh, fuck that. I have four kids, a coffee shop, a husband. Like there's no way in the world. Like I literally knew I was lying to her when I was like, oh. And I was flattered, but I was like, oh my God, not gonna happen. And then. I would sort of tell my husband, like, I wanna do this. Like, I wanna go on like, America's got talent, you know?'cause there's no like age limit there. And I was like, I wanna do, and he was like, he was looking at me like, I'm crazy because we're so busy. It wasn't that he actually didn't want that for me. I mean, he really wasn't trying to shut me down at all creatively, but he just, he needed his coffee, our coffee shop. Of course it's now his again,'cause I needed out of that world. But at the time, you know, we did found it together. He was like. Looking at our life, the coffee shop, the kids, his own life, and. He did not see where that would fit. And I also, I saw it through his eyes. I'm like, yeah, it doesn't fit. So I kept subjugating. But at the meantime, and as I've said, I started to support myself in more, self-compassionate and loving ways using all the tools we're sharing on all these podcasts, literally, which is again, what I built into the program that I coach with because it finally worked for me so well. it created a baseline for me to, you know, grow and be happy. And, so finally. After the separation, after the divorce. And if you wanna hear more about that story, you gotta go back to the previous episodes where I've told a little bit more of that story. a friend of mine out of the blue was like, I'm taking this writing class in the valley, why don't you come take it? And I was like, oh, the valley, it's kind of far from where I live. And I literally decided last. Minute I'd missed the first class. I went to the second class and this wonderful teacher, her name's Robin Finn and she teaches on Zoom and she's got a book out now. She's a wonderful method that I've actually since incorporated into the coaching method, and I do it with a little group myself every week. We have like our own little WhatsApp group that kind of spun off from her class, but she teaches this technique that, it's. Definitely a known technique. And actually Chelsea mentioned it during our, journaling episode, I think episode 10, where you just set a timer and you write, but in this case, she would give a prompt. So, whatever the prompt was, if it was a photograph, a memory, a phrase, we would start with that prompt and then. Not think, no rational thought and either type or write for 10 or 15 or 20 full minutes. And then it was a group of moms. It was a very safe and supportive environment. And then we would share, we would read it to each other and I was so real, I just put it all in the paper and I would be like sobbing reading my piece and like kind of mortified beyond belief internally. Literally mortified like I'm not an exhibitionist and yet. I just was somehow driven to be like, you know, I don't know these people. My friend didn't even end up taking the class. I'm like, I just, I'm just gonna lay it all out there. Because I felt, I guess intuitively there was like a therapeutic element, which there completely was and it was received with so much love, so much warmth. Actually, like my very first client as a coach ended up a year later coming from that'cause she kind of. Approached me and asked me like to mentor her as a writer. And so it was like my whole technique was born out of that like relationship. And then we, I would do that week after week and then, and it was, like so re reinforcing, like it literally was. Giving to me this nourishment and joy I was being seen and witnessed and loved for my creative output. And you know, obviously creativity, it's just ourselves reflected in art. So it was, yes, it was often being real and telling stories about myself, but it was art, it was written word, it was essays. It wasn't like journaling. It was stories and In the end, we had like a reading wine and cheese that we were gonna read the story that we loved the most, publicly to this audience of friends and family. And then we had to do our bios for this event. And I had this like, I was like at a crossroads'cause I was like, my first impulse was to do what I'd been fucking doing for 20 years. Just write like, BatSheva is a mom of four and you know, blah blah, blah, And then I was like, I. Forced myself to dig deep within and find the courage to write what was not exactly true at that moment. But it had been true in my twenties and I wanted it to be true again. So I said, you know, went to Yale, you know, plug my school. And then I was like, she's a writer. I. Singer songwriter, an actress, performer. I wrote it. I put it on the page, and I mean, nobody would've cared one way or the other, but for me it was a big act of courage. And of course, it's an act of courage just to share one's writing publicly or even in a small class or group. And it's one of those acts that's transformative in a very positive way, is assuming that it's like a positive audience. You know, that small environment and. That was for me, a turning point and I can look back and that was, I don't know, two, two and a half years ago. That my whole life is now again, back on track and going in the direction of full creativity, and I include the podcast within that. You know, singing, acting, writing, and living, and just believing in the creative process as the most important tool to elicit joy and to share ourselves like the joyful. Heart that we have within and connect with others through what we create.

Chelsea: 14:28

Wow. You literally are like living creativity. I love it. I love how much you play and allow yourself the opportunities, and I. You know, gift that to yourself to do that on a daily basis. And it's amazing. And over our relationship, I have definitely watched your joy and happiness grow with the more creative things that you get to do. And it's not even necessarily the success of them. I mean, of course everyone wants to be successful. You want, you know, especially in our society. you know, which kind of brings me, I guess to where. I was gonna lead about. we have a group that meets like twice a month. We call ourselves the conscious crew and we create our little homework and it's maybe some questions along with it and send that out. We changed who's gonna assign the homework every time and whose house is gonna be hosted at. And this last time the topic was creativity and it was actually a video that our friend Sydney, who assigned the homework, she posted it was a conversation between Brene Brown and. Oprah and they were talking about creativity, and Brene was saying that essentially along the lines of you have all this creativity inside of you, and if you don't express it, it manifests into something else and that something else can be. Anger. It can be resentment, it can be disease and illness. It can be pain. She was just saying like all these different things, you know, it can be grief, it can be depression, and I was actually coming off of a pretty high creative endeavor going on jam cruise, which like I had, I think I'd mentioned before. In the previous episode, it's like this adult Playland, you know, there's different theme days and everyone dresses up and it's just incredible. And for me, it was probably the most creative I've ever gotten with my makeup and. Face decor, I guess I'll call it. because I used all these different jewels and these temporary flash tattoos and this glitter, and it was just layering on layering. But I like, for the first time, I allowed myself to sit down in front of the mirror and just look at my face like a canvas of what, what can I do with this? What, you know, what does this? character that I'm playing tonight. What did they look like? And it was so much fun and people loved it. They're like, oh my gosh, your face is so cool to look at. And it was like pure joy and giving myself that gift of creativity in that moment whenever there's so much. I mean, there's creativity everywhere there. The whole thing is built by creative minds and musicians and artists. And just everyone that goes is a creative. I mean, I believe that everyone is creative, but these people really like to shine. So it was really fun. But yeah, thinking about that and thinking about, if we don't let this creativity out, what does it turn into?

BatSheva: 17:36

That's amazing. What was the group that you guys met? Like how did you direct that meeting that was about creativity? Like what did you guys do in your conscious group?

Chelsea: 17:47

I think it was like, how do you express yourself creatively? has creativity been something that has been encouraged throughout your life and cultivated? do you find it easy to be creative? What's your go-to creative process? Do you. encourage others to be creative and it was really interesting to see a lot of the men in the group were just like, this was not something that was given any attention to. Kind of back to like the societal norms. If you're not good at it, then move on. if you're not gonna be the best artist in the class, then you, you're not gonna be an artist. Like, what are you doing? And so it kind of reminds me of the phrase, the process is the point, and you're like. Being creative, just to be creative, not to be the best. I mean, you know, obviously we want success on the podcast, but the reason for me putting this information out there for doing this podcast is for me and for those that it may help, that may listen to an episode and get something out of it. Like that's what it's about for me. And so of course I wanna see it be successful and have lots of followers and all that stuff. And also I'm just enjoying doing it.

BatSheva: 19:03

Totally. That's so interesting. It's so true that it's creativity isn't even on the radar for like so many people who are just in different, I think men and women. But I think it is interesting in your group it was mostly the men, although I know for sure it wasn't your husband.'cause he's super creative, right?

Chelsea: 19:17

Yes, but he actually shared because his older brother is really, really creative. I mean, he is, he's always like made things and decorated for parties and events and I mean, he is just, he's got an eye for it Hunter had shared that growing up, you know, kind of like in his shadow that he wasn't as good as him. So he kind of disregarded that and was just like, ah, I'll find something else. But now he's kind of come back to it and also like not comparing himself to his brother because there, and that's the other thing too with creativity, is that we're all so unique and different, and that's what makes different artists. Appealing is their uniqueness, like what makes their style theirs? And recognizing that and just celebrating that in yourself and not looking to copy someone else. There's that famous quote, it's like, why be so and so they're already taken? Just be

BatSheva: 20:17

Hmm. That so speaks to me as a child. My older sister Tara, was a ballet dancer, for years. Took it very, very seriously. And as a competitive middle child, I did every single other type of creative class. Music. Singing, acting, writing. The only dance I would do would tap dance'cause it was so wildly far from ballet. I was so competitive. like just like you said with Hunter, like that was her thing and she was amazing at it and I wasn't gonna be second best and that's so sad now. And actually as an adult, I finally started taking ballet classes just to enjoy it, like, you know, as a sport

Chelsea: 20:57

Touching base on like the creativity, like it doesn't have to be art or singing or pottery or. You know, I mean, we were talking about it because one of the other people in the crew, he is like, you know, I, he has like a daughter and a wife, and he is like, yeah, they don't, you know, they're not really into it. And, but it's like everyone's into something, like whether they're into makeup or whether they're into, you know, beekeeping or gardening, like everything is You like you can make anything creative. It's like what is your, like what speaks to you though? what are you drawn to? What do you like? Do you like being outside? Do you like being inside? Do you like working with your hands? Do you like working with different materials? Do you like speaking? Do you like performing? do you like making things and gifting? It's just so many different ways to do it.

BatSheva: 21:48

Cooking is another one.

Chelsea: 21:50

Oh yeah, that's actually something that people talked about in the group.'cause Hunter and I like to explore, especially if we're not, the thing is, is like not putting pressure on it. If you put the pressure on it of. like you're having to, like, you're making something for a group and you're like worried about how it's gonna turn out. That for me, kind of like, takes a little bit of the fun out of it because I like to just, you know, do it and then try it and see what it's like.

BatSheva: 22:20

Well, yeah, and for sure mothers too have that problem. I know like many mothers who are super creative when it comes to food cooking and baking, but they definitely burned that candle at both ends, you know, just having to churn out food day in, day out, like all the, plus all the cleaning and you know, the pressure, like you said. So it's true. It is important for people to reconnect with their creativity, in the environment that allows for that self-expression and without the pressure. That's such a good point. I really, by the way, love, love, love what you said that Brene Brown shared, which I had never heard, that creativity, if not expressed, manifests into something worse, something more painful. That's, I totally believe that. I hadn't heard it said that way, but yeah, that is my experience. That's really powerful.

Chelsea: 23:06

And I think of it just like as energy also. I mean, we are energetic beings. It, it is not something woo woo. There actually is so much research. Your heart has an electrical beat that has it going. So we are these energetic beings and so energy is flowing through us, and unless we're giving that energy out into something that we're choosing to be productive with, then it's gonna be expressed in some way. energy is not created nor destroyed, it's just transferred.

BatSheva: 23:37

And you know what else I was thinking to share? And it's kind of like a little. Not embarrassing, but I wanna share it because it's not easy to share, which is that I had this realization even just yesterday about performing and being creative on the scale that I'm doing it right now. Especially as a performer who is not in her twenties or thirties or even forties anymore. I have. Over and over experienced these bouts of self-doubt and self-criticism regarding being too old. Or like, will I be judged for, my appearance or for just my age in those realms of creating in public, in front of an audience. Once I change that, I have a feeling I'll be free, freer. I won't care as much. And luckily, I really don't care as much like I did in my twenties when I really, and anyway, I was super young in my twenties, you know, like the perfect ingenue age. But no, in college I shut all the way down because I was so freaked out by anyone judging me or. You know, overly like thinking that I'm not good enough or whatever. So luckily I have had the pleasure of seeing that shed, and that's what anyone who's not as old as I am or anyone who is as old as I am knows the others I'm saying, you can look forward to. The older you get it is a real thing. You literally just like, it's so much easier just to let that go. But I'm still, you know, I found this like little chunk of judgment that I'm nourishing. And I would like very much help to let that go, let that go, let that go because I believe that, I'll free myself in the process

Chelsea: 25:23

That's really vulnerable and beautiful. So many times our society is like, oh, like they're older people are like, not worth something, or they don't have anything to contribute, or like they're slow or whatever it is. But it's like there's so much more, there's so much more wisdom, there's so much more experience.

BatSheva: 25:45

We're such a visual culture, you know what I mean? And like our. Cultural standards of beauty are still so youthful. And I do believe that there's definitely a movement to shift and change that. And I think bottom line, it takes each one of us to do it personally, right? Like as well as shift the narrative and be the role model you want to see in the world. But I feel like this is also great. Preview because we did talk about that we wanted to do an episode on aging. At least one. I feel like, we could fill several episodes about it, but I'm happy that it came up.

Chelsea: 26:19

Maybe that will be the next one. Who knows? So as of now, we encourage you, be creative, and do it just for the sake of doing it, not because of the outcome, not because of what you're gonna come up with, not because of the praise you're gonna receive. But do it just for the joy of something that you love to do. And if you don't know what that is, then maybe just take some time and think about like what you enjoyed whenever you were a child. Because a lot of the times those things. Are still enjoyable for people. People still find those things like, oh yeah, I did like to do that. Or something. Maybe, maybe it was, playing with Clay or something. Play-Doh whenever you were younger and now maybe it's moving up to a different form of that,

BatSheva: 27:05

or Barbies

Chelsea: 27:07

or Barbies.

BatSheva: 27:08

dressing them up.

Chelsea: 27:10

Maybe you used to play with your Barbie's hair and now you get like a mannequin and you start braiding it and then you can do your own hair. Who knows?

BatSheva: 27:18

Be creative and allow yourself that leeway to be a child as you create, because it's more fun and it'll feed you.

Chelsea: 27:27

yeah, it reminds me too, of my mom. She would always say the phrase that like, my dad was a big kid, and it's like. Fuck yeah. Be a big kid. Always like enjoy life until it's no more.'cause tomorrow's never promised. So live it up, have fun, smile, laugh, bring joy to others.

BatSheva: 27:48

Yes.

Chelsea: 27:49

play.

BatSheva: 27:50

Mm-hmm.

Chelsea: 27:50

Yeah. All right. Well, shall we wrap it up with our dubs?

BatSheva: 27:55

Let's do it.

Chelsea: 27:55

Okay, so let's see. I will start win number one is that, speaking of creativity, we were watching a couple the last. Couple nights, hunter had chosen a movie that he wanted, but they've been playing a little late. And so I, where I fell asleep watching them and I was just really bummed that I hadn't got to see the ending. And so the win is that last night I had some time and I watched both of the endings of the two movies that I had missed out and I'm really, I, it was nice closure and I feel good about doing it and Wow. Number one, or wow, the first wow, wow. For me today is that I am really grateful. Oh my gosh. We got snow this morning. Snow again. It's March 5th whenever we're recording this and we had just been in like 64 degree weather and we woke up to snow this morning and I'm grateful that Hunter got up and took Gypsy outside because it was freezing cold and I do not like taking her in the morning. First thing I like, I like to take her at night before we go to bed, but first thing in the morning. I'm so grateful that he is willing and loves to do that.

BatSheva: 29:20

You know, it's funny, I have children and cats and of course when the kids are young, there's like very little sleep happening for years, which is a fucking problem. But once they get older, I. I can sleep in. I mean the sleep, you don't have to wake up and walk anybody. And my mother, my 80 something year old mother was saying the same thing. Like she was exhausted coming back home from visiting me back east, but she could not allow herself to go to sleep'cause her dogs needed to be walked late at night in the cold. And I was like, gosh, like that's like it's, I had forgotten that dog. Parents like actually like you have to get up at the crack of dawn to walk them and it doesn't matter the weather. And that's a thing. So yeah, I get that. think

Chelsea: 29:59

I think everyone has to pee as soon as they wake up. Animals and humans. Ins and yeah, you gotta get'em outside.

BatSheva: 30:07

Oh my gosh, that totally makes sense. Well, thank you for sharing. I love that. And I'm going to share my wish. I think I decided to go ahead and wish, for what I mentioned in this episode, which is I am wishing to really be changed into a person, a version of myself that no longer even notices unless I'm celebrating somebody's age, and instead I just really receive them for who they are and what they're transmitting and what they're doing, and especially performers. I found myself judging them. or kind of like looking at from a beauty perspective. And so I'm just wishing for myself to really shed and release that old programming completely and instead look with fresh eyes, loving eyes, appreciative eyes, happy and grateful eyes at all the wonderful variations of women who are out there performing in all stages of life.

Chelsea: 31:10

So heartfelt. Yes. Let's all love each other. Love, love, love, radiate love. Well, thank you for joining us. Again, we'd love to connect with you if you have a creative outlet that you love or something that you're thinking about diving back into. We would love to hear about it, comment direct, message us, shoot us an email, visit the social media platforms that we have. And yeah,

BatSheva: 31:37

Subscribe and keep listening, and we hope your world is brighter and brighter and brighter. Thanks to the podcast and all the things you're doing.

Chelsea: 31:45

Thank you. We love you.