Stressed About Screen Time? Your No-Guilt Guide to a Balanced Approach

In this episode of the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, host Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist, explores the multifaceted topic of screen time in parenting. Clare discusses the evolution of guidelines from health organizations, the implications of screen use on children's physical and emotional well-being, and provides practical strategies for managing screen habits within the family. She emphasizes the nuanced nature of screen use, especially for families living internationally or with neurodivergent children, and shares her own experiences and research insights. Clare also offers recommendations for setting boundaries, developing a family media plan, and reflecting on parental screen use to establish healthier habits. Lastly, she highlights the importance of unstructured play for children's development and advises parents not to be too hard on themselves as they navigate this complex issue.

00:00 Introduction to Globally Thriving Families
01:04 The Screen Time Dilemma
01:34 Evaluating Family Screen Habits
02:06 Personal Experiences and Challenges
03:03 Screen Time in Different Contexts
04:38 Physical Use vs. Content Consumption
05:15 Guidelines and Recommendations
06:47 Reported Effects of Screen Time
11:28 Neurodiversity and Screen Use
13:25 Emotional Regulation and Screen Time
16:42 Setting Boundaries and Family Media Plans
20:22 Parental Screen Habits and Their Impact
23:55 Summary and Final Thoughts

Resources mentioned in today's episode:

Children & Screens ; https://www.childrenandscreens.org/

Book - How To Raise A Healthy Gamer, Dr Alok Kanojia: https://www.healthygamer.gg/how-to-raise-a-healthy-gamer

 Book- The Phone Fix, Dr Faye Begeti: https://www.drfayebegeti.com/thephonefix

Family Media Plan: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/fmp/Pages/MediaPlan.aspx

Technoference: https://www.childrenandscreens.org/learn-explore/research/technical-interference-screens-and-the-parent-child-relationship/

Connect with Clare: globally.thriving@gmail.com

Website: https://www.globallythriving.com

Connect with Clare on Instagram: http://instagram.com/globally_thriving

Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting

Transcript

0:03

Are you a parent or caregiver raising your child internationally? Are you curious about how to nurture your child's development? But find all the parenting information out there confusing? If so, you are in the right place. Welcome to the Globally Thriving Families Podcast. I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist with a passion for supporting children and their families for more than 25 years. Whether it's understanding how to build resilience to practical tips for language development, screen time challenges, and staying calm amongst the chaos, Globally Thriving Families is here to help. Join me as we explore the topics that give you the insights and guidance you need to support your children to thrive. No matter where your family's adventures take you. Hi there. So today we are talking about screen time. It's going to be the first of a few episodes all about screen related issues, and it's quite an emotionally charged topic in parenting at the moment. I know my social media. Feed is full of opinions about kids and screens. It's talked about in the news in documentaries between friends. Even schools are discussing it in their newsletters and they're having parent workshops that are devoted to it. So what I want to do is offer some considerations to you when evaluating the whole family screen habits rather than just demonizing screens and making you feel guilty. I think it's really valuable to think about the nuances of screen use rather than just having a black and white approach to it. And having said that, sometimes we also have to face up to some truths about what we allow to happen at home, myself included, so we will explore that a little bit too. Now, full disclosure, I don't have all the answers here. I have an 11 and a 13-year-old, and I'm really invested in looking at the research and learning from experts, about the impact of screens and how I can help my kids thrive. So that's why I also want to share that information with you. I've definitely made mistakes along the way. I felt really guilty. I've let them spend too long on the screen several times, and there's been times where it was really helpful having them keep busy on their screens. So when I needed to get something done, like packing up a house to move, or maybe just getting dinner made, or even just sometimes having some peace. If you can relate to any of those situations, then you're in good company. You're not the only person thinking or worrying about this. And for those of us who are living internationally and away from our family or our support network, there's also a dynamic with that and screen time. When you're first settling into a new country, for example, it takes a while to get established with activities and friends and social groups, and the family as a whole might be a little bit more isolated at first, so maybe there is more downtime and screens could be filling part of that. Also, in my case, I'm living in one of the hottest parts of the world where several months, a year, it is just too hot for the kids to be playing outdoors. So I know that's a factor in how much we use screens. Also, if you're a family that travels a lot during school holidays, you know, for instance, going back to your home country and possibly taking long haul flights. I remember from an early age, I let my kids watch however much TV and iPad they wanted on a plane because at that time it was like survival for me. I was often traveling by myself with them, and it kept the peace. It meant that I could eat something, I could watch something. I never was able to actually nap while it was just me and them, but just having a little bit of peace and not always having to entertain them. So for us, any screen time rules or boundaries that we had, on dry land was, they just, it just went completely out the window when we were on a plane. Okay, let's get into this. So when I think of screen time, I think of two distinct aspects. The physical use of devices such as iPads and phones and laptops, and the impact of that, and then the actual content that kids are consuming. So the internet safety, social media being quite controversial, topics which come under content. So the content will be discussed in another episode because it really deserves its own conversation. So today, let's get back to device use. So it's interesting how the conversation around screen time and technology in general has evolved over the years. I remember when the guidelines from organizations such as the World Health Organization, the National Health Service in the UK and the American Academy of Pediatrics, was really focused on specific time allowances for kids, such as zero to two, no screen time, age two to five, no more than one hour daily, et cetera, et cetera. And I think after age five. Their recommendation was no more than two hours daily, so there used to be a lot more emphasis on the time spent on screens. I believe the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry does still make a recommendation for children age two to five to limit non-educational screen time, to one hour on weekdays and three hours on the weekend. The challenge with that though is screens are so commonplace in our schools these days with iPads being used in almost all subjects. Now, I know it differs around the world, but most schools have incorporated iPads or laptops in some way, and the higher the grade, the more integrated technology is for completing schoolwork. So by the time children have come home from school, they've already been using their screens for possibly several hours. And then if your child is old enough to be getting homework, that is also often completed either with the use of a device or on the device itself. So those recommended times aren't even realistic anymore in many children's cases. So let's think about some of the reported effects of screens. In the research literature, excessive screen time has been associated with sleep difficulties, obesity, behavior difficulties, delayed language, eyesight issues, poor academic performance, poor attention, risky behaviors, cyber bullying, mental health difficulties. So this is where it gets even more nuanced. I emphasize the word associated because even the researchers talk about the fact that it's hard to show in research that screens have actually caused those effects. I am really interested in the research which is why I am grateful for organizations such as the Institute for Digital Media and Child Development to bring the research to the public through webinars, podcast interviews, and other resources There are many factors which are relevant when we look at sleep and obesity and behavior, et cetera, and screen time often isn't the only factor that is relevant in those issues. The reason I mention this is because as parents, if we are getting our information mostly from social media, at times scientific research gets sensationalized or misreported, and that can be confusing. It can give rise to fear and guilt, And the thing is shaming parents or scaring them is not helpful. So that's not to say that screens don't contribute to these difficulties. I highly recommend if you are interested in making sense of the research to check out Children and Screens, and I'll link it in the show notes. Now around the world, many organizations who previously made recommendations for screen use, time limits have changed, but what continues to be recommended is for the zero to 18 month population, which suggests eliminating screen use other than video chatting The reason for this is for babies and toddlers, learning via screens is limited, and that has come out of research with this age group. What has been found is that babies and toddlers benefit most from opportunities to explore their environment through movement, through sensory experiences, and having a caregiver to communicate with. So this is where the most language and cognitive development takes place. If your child is younger than 2-year-old and is viewing screens to get the most benefit from that, then co-viewing a show i.e. watching it side by side and interacting with them about it can potentially enhance the learning that might come from it. But the bottom line is for babies and toddlers zero to two is that they learn best through face-to-face communication and interaction with a parent or a caregiver or another child. This type of interaction is dynamic and more likely to incorporate gestures and facial expressions and movement and sensory experiences that will maximize their learning. Now that doesn't mean terrible things will happen. If you give your toddler your phone now and again whilst you're at a restaurant or putting them in front of the TV so you can shower. It might not be a significant educational opportunity for your child, but obviously it could be an important and much needed break for you. We can't just live in service of our kids all the time. We have to live in service of ourselves too. And sometimes that means letting them watch something. For children three to four years, the World Health Organization has given guidelines that children should have at least 180 minutes of physical activity a day at a variety of intensities and at least 60 minutes a day for moderate to vigorous physical activity. And'cause there's more, not to be sedentary for more than 60 minutes at a time. And also that they have 10 to 13 hours sleep. Now I'm mentioning this because it ties in with what screen time often displaces. So when kids are spending time every day on screens after school or at the weekends, it's often at the expense of unstructured play or time outside or physical activity. And so that is one of the aspects of screen time, which can start to become problematic for kids. Now let's talk about neurodiversity for a minute. So using screens does not actually cause ADHD or autism, and that's really important for parents to know this. Okay? So using screens does not cause ADHD or autism. Those are specific neuro divergences. That would be present for your child, whether they used screens or not. So using a device itself doesn't cause those. However, kids or adults who are neurodivergent may be impacted by screen use in ways that neurotypical kids or adults might not be. For example, neurodivergent kids might struggle a little more with emotional regulation after stopping screens, especially if they have spent a long time on them. For kids with A DHD in particular, I highly recommend limiting their device use. A DHD is an executive function delay basically, and hours of TV gaming and YouTube videos is not going to support their executive function development. Kids with A DHD need to be playing and interacting and having varied experiences, getting out of their comfort zone in order to develop these executive function skills. Autistic individuals have very distinctly unique needs, so it's not really possible to generalize whether they should be having less screen time or more screen time. You as the parent know your child better than anyone, and I would just suggest tuning into your child. To observe how it impacts their regulation. I'm pretty sure I am not the only parent who over the years at some point, has had to manage meltdowns or challenging behavior or defiance after screen use. So this type of response is related to a child's emotional regulation. So emotional regulation, if you're not familiar with this, is the ability to manage our emotions, behaviors, and reactions as a result of our experiences. Now this is a really valuable life skill that children develop in the early years. It's one of the aspects of executive function, which really underpins everything we do in life. Often, what happens if the child is getting overstimulated on a device? Then that transition time is then harder. Now, the way they develop this skill of emotional regulation is through real life practice, through play, through their experiences at school and with the family, through interactions with friends, through being exposed to situations where they have to problem solve and manage disappointments or frustrations, and this is why play is so vital for our children as it's developing this emotional regulation. So there's two things here. If your child is spending a lot of time on a device, they're not getting enough practice in real life situations. And additionally, if we frequently give our young children screens to appease them or help calm them down when they are having a bit of a meltdown or even a tantrum, then they might be missing out on that opportunity to develop these skills of emotional regulation. So it's in everybody's best interests to come up with a plan that works in your home. There will be discomfort and there will be pushback, and that is natural and it's to be expected. So how do we know how much is too much? Because I've mentioned excessive. time already in this episode, but I haven't really defined it. So you yourself in your home might have already figured this out. If not, I'm gonna give you something to do over the next week. I want you to be a detective. You're gonna carry on with your regular routines and activities and just notice, observe your child's moods, their sleep, their reactions, their responses, how they transition from one activity to another. How are they with getting their homework or their family chores done? I want you to really tune into all of that. now, if you are noticing irritability, increased impulsivity, anxiety, zoning out after screen time, difficulty transitioning to the other, maybe non-preferred activities, difficulty falling asleep. Difficulty finding enjoyment out of non-screen related activities. Then these could be the signs of having too much time on screens. If your child is frequently becoming dysregulated after screens, you will need to rethink how screens are used in your home. Here's three quick suggestions. Firstly. You can be in control of setting boundaries of when, where, and for how long screens are used. It is ideal to end the screen time before getting to the point of no return with them. Now, whether that's 20 minutes, 40 minutes, an hour or two, that, is up to you based on what you observe about your child. Secondly. Use something like a family media plan to guide a discussion with everybody in the family about how screens and devices are used. So a family media plan is literally a document which I'll put in the show notes for you. That is an agreement and it shows the the things that you are agreeing to and they are agreeing to. And having these kinds of conversations at a separate time when everyone is connected and calm is so much more effective than having kind of a panicky, irritable moment where you get frustrated, where your child's dysregulated, and then you end up just banning them for a week or a month as a consequence. Thirdly, using a visual timer or an analog clock might help your child visualize the time that they have left for screens, and you might need to give them the heads up when it's close to ending. Now it's up to us, like I said, as parents, to set the boundaries and make some decisions that our kids, they don't like. It's developmentally appropriate for children to push back and want some autonomy. If they're enjoying doing what they're doing, then it's natural for them to want to keep going just like we do. I don't like to have my show interrupted, and they probably don't like to have theirs interrupted. So if our kids just agreed without any opinion of their own, then we actually might start to worry about that too. So some amount of pushback really makes sense. When a child cannot transition from screens to another activity without an outburst or a meltdown, then that's a sign that something really needs to be tweaked with the routine. If you have a child who is particularly into gaming, then I've got a really good book suggestion for you. It's called How to Raise A Healthy Gamer by Dr. Alok Kanojia What I love about this book is the balanced approach to gaming. It's an easy read for parents. He's a psychiatrist that grew up loving gaming, so he has that lived experience too. I'm going to link it in the show notes for you. It actually gets into why kids love gaming so much, what's happening in the brain, and really gives some foundational information about what you as a parent can do to gradually work with your child to set healthy habits. If you are really interested, but you won't have time to read the entire book, then you can sign up to receive my book summary that I'll be doing once a month where I summarize some of the latest and most valuable parenting books that are around at the moment. Now there are a couple of truths that we need to face relating to our kids' screen time. Kids need as much unstructured play as possible in their life, and this is the main way they develop their executive function skills, which underpin every single aspect of their life. Also, and this is the difficult bit. As adults, we need to really reflect on how we are using screens and how this influences the children in our life. I learned a really interesting term recently called Technoference, which refers to the interruptions that occur simply by having phones and other devices in our presence. That could be notifications going off or just interacting with someone and still holding our phone as though at any point our attention could be diverted. It's not just about our kids being engrossed in screens, it's us too. There is some really interesting research happening regarding tech interference and how it impacts our relationships with our children or anyone in the family and their development. Even the TV being on in the background when nobody's watching it has been shown in research to impact a child's attention and engagement in play and the quantity and quality of parent-child interactions. How we model our screen habits really impacts our children. They are learning so much from what they see us do. Has your child ever commented on how much you check your phone or asked you to put your phone down during a conversation? I have definitely been asked, uh, more than a few times. Mom, can you not be on your phone right now? So think about how you respond to that. You know, maybe there are times when it is something that has to be done in that moment. And one of the things that you can do, to, preempt that in a way is it's almost like narrate what you're doing. So if you do need to, wait for an incoming message, or if you do know that you're gonna need to switch your attention and you've got your phone in your hand, you can just say it upfront."Now I'm just going to send this message then I'll be right with you" or"I'm all yours"."Or then we can work on something or then we can play." So if you can do that upfront, then that actually might help the dynamic between you and your child if they are feeling a bit fed up, that you're on your phone or you've got your phone in front of you. I know that parenting is, it's challenging and it's sometimes really stressful. And I understand that, you know, using our phones to take a break, whatever we're doing on our phone, whether it's doing wordle or it's sending a text to somebody, or if you're just checking something or if you're just connecting with somebody. We've built in this habit of doing those things, as a way sometimes to help us cope. I have another book recommendation. It's called The Phone Fix by Dr. Faye Bag Getti, and she's a neurologist in the uk. I'll put the reference in the show notes. It is a great book and it really clearly explains why we have developed these certain habits. What's happening in our brains when we do these things automatically, like picking up our phones in the morning before anything else, or constantly checking even without fully realizing it. I mean, it's wild once you start tuning into these habits, She also writes in a very nonjudgmental way. She's not trying to, um, depress you or scare you. It's really about understanding the neuroscience of our habits. So I really recommend that book if you, are interested. So to summarize, we know that research shows links between screen use and issues with sleep, attention, emotional regulation, obesity, and of course more research is needed. There's no specific amount of screen time that is either safe or harmful. It's more about what your children are actually doing on the screens that matters. However, if the amount of screen time gets in the way of being active unstructured play, and interacting face-to-face with friends, then that is when it's probably too much. And reflect on your own screen use before trying to change your kids' habits. You can consider a family media plan to help organize or set boundaries or even just guide the discussion with your household. So reflecting on your own screen use is so valuable as a first step to adopting healthier screen habits in the home. Coming up with a family plan is one way in which you can all discuss how and where and when, that you'll use the screens and decide what works for you as a family so that you can all enjoy screen time and still make time for other activities and responsibilities. And finally, I just want to say that as parents and caregivers, we are all doing our best. You haven't ruined your child by letting them watch TV so you can take a break or putting cartoons on your phone at a restaurant, or even if they have played Fortnite with their friends. There are so many experiences that impact a child's development and their wellbeing, and this is one part of that. So wherever you are at with this, tuning into your own habits and tuning into your child's wellbeing is a great starting point. So keep going. Thanks so much for listening. If you'd like to get in touch, please do. You can email me on globally dot thriving@gmail.com, or you can find me on Instagram at Globally_ Thriving. Also, if you check out my website, globally thriving.com, you can sign up to receive a monthly book summary, which is a handy summary of the latest parenting books straight to your inbox. Thank you so much for listening. See you next time.