Do You Know What Your Child Is Consuming Online?

In this episode of the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, host Clare O'Byrne delves into the challenges and strategies surrounding children's online content consumption. Clare emphasizes the importance of staying curious and connected with your child, discussing key areas such as content quality, safety, privacy, and emotional wellbeing. She offers practical tips on how parents can monitor and engage with their children's digital habits without resorting to fear or restriction. The episode also highlights the value of critical thinking skills and the benefits and drawbacks of screen time. Clare encourages open conversations and provides resources like commonsensemedia.org to help parents navigate the digital landscape. Additionally, Clare offers free 20-minute consultations for personalized support.

00:00 Introduction to Globally Thriving Families

01:05 Understanding Screen Time Content

03:24 Evaluating Online Safety and Privacy

03:55 Emotional Wellbeing and Online Habits

05:10 Collaborative Parenting Strategies

09:40 Critical Thinking and Online Value

12:44 Balancing Online and Offline Experiences

14:15 Conclusion and Support Resources

Resources mentioned in the episode:

Parental Guides: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/parents-ultimate-guide-to-parental-controls

Book a 20 minute free consultation with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting

Connect with Clare: globally.thriving@gmail.com

Website: https://www.globallythriving.com

Connect with Clare on Instagram: http://instagram.com/globally_thriving

Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting

Transcript

0:05

Are you a parent or caregiver raising your child internationally? Are you curious about how to nurture your child's development? But find all the parenting information out there confusing? If so, you are in the right place. Welcome to the Globally Thriving Families Podcast. I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist with a passion for supporting children and their families for more than 25 years. Whether it's understanding how to build resilience to practical tips for language development, screen time challenges, and staying calm amongst the chaos, Globally Thriving Families is here to help. Join me as we explore the topics that give you the insights and guidance you need to support your children to thrive. No matter where your family's adventures take you. Hello and welcome. So in the last episode, I talked about screen time and the impact of just being on a device. So this week we are talking about the content because these are two quite different challenges that we have as parents. So whether you have a little one, a tween, or a teen, this is relevant to all parents. If you're not already in this situation, you soon might be, and this is not about scaring you in any way. It's about awareness building and exploring how you can support your child. If your child is younger, having insight into this before you have to navigate it is so valuable. Now this affects almost every family- what our kids are seeing, hearing and absorbing online from YouTube, gaming platforms and social media, even Pinterest. If your child has access to a smartphone or an iPad, then the possibilities are vast. In this episode, I'll share some ways to understand and explore your child's digital habits, and then we'll talk about why it's important above all to stay curious and connected. So what should you even be looking into? If you're not exactly sure what they're doing online these days, here are three different areas to consider. Firstly, content quality. So is it age appropriate? And maybe it's not just the actual age, but also bearing in mind your child's emotional maturity. Then think about is there violence, pornography, racism, sexism, bullying. Is the content, normalizing exclusion of anybody and being cruel? Also given that we are an international community, thinking about how other cultures are being represented in what they are accessing online. Does this fit with your values as a family? The Children's Commissioner of England report in 2023 found that the average age that children were exposed to pornography was 13, but 10% of nine year olds had also been exposed to it, which reinforces the need to know because we need to be able to follow up with our kids and support them if they have been exposed to violence and pornography, et cetera. The next thing is safety and privacy. So have your children shared any personal details, their address, the city they're in, the school, their daily routines, or any of the family routines that could identify them? If they're gaming, is it just with their friends that they know personally or are strangers joining in too? Sometimes that starts with friends of friends, but can get more removed each time. So if you are not already aware, do find that out. And then we have to think about the emotional wellbeing. So here you really need to be a detective to notice and observe your child's demeanor, their behavior. Have there been any changes in their eating habits or their sleep patterns, their general mood, their emotional regulation? Are they quick to become dysregulated? And does it happen frequently? Now, obviously there are multiple reasons why this could be the case, but if your child is spending time every day online in some capacity, then it does start to become a lifestyle for them. It's now a habit, and if you've noticed any differences in their mental health and their general wellbeing, then it's valuable to really explore what they're doing online. If you aren't totally sure, how do you become more informed? So you're going to want to start this conversation or process, not with fear or dictatorship or interrogation, but as far as possible with curiosity and connection. Now, I'm saying this with full acknowledgement that this is not easy. And when something is so emotionally charged, we often respond out of fear, but that's what leads to those power struggles and sometimes shut down in your child or escalating things into arguments. So how do we move past the fear and just flat out restriction and collaborate more with our child? Now when I talk about being collaborative, I don't mean to start treating them as a friend. I think it's actually important as parents that we put in place boundaries and rules regarding acceptable usage because our kids need that structure and that scaffolding. And although we want them to develop their critical thinking and awareness and working towards independence, we also need to remember that their brains are still developing. And so they need us to be the parents, and additionally, the way we approach the situation is key. It doesn't have to be delivered in a dictatorship kind of way, although sometimes it feels that that's the only way that's effective. Here's some questions that can start this collaboration and give you a chance to genuinely show some interest in what they're doing as a way to open the door to collaborating. So for instance, find out which creators they really like at the moment. What kind of things do they post about? Get them to show you something really cool or really funny that they saw recently, and find out a bit about those creators. How do they feel if things get heated during gaming with their friends? Have they ever gotten into arguments? And has it ever carried on into real life situations with those same people? How did they handle it? Has anyone they don't know tried to message them? Have they ever seen anything online that they felt unsure of? And what do they do when something upsets them or confuses them online? And right now, at this point, would your child be comfortable confiding in you about it? Ultimately, that's why you need to cultivate the connection with your child because you want them to be able to feel safe about being open. If they don't have social media yet, but they're asking for it, take it a little further. What do they plan to use it for? What are their goals for being on social media, and if they do use social media right now, how do they feel after scrolling TikTok or Instagram or Snapchat for an hour? I know when I've been scrolling on Instagram and the time just goes, and you don't even realize it. But after a while, I start to feel a bit antsy and a bit agitated, and actually sometimes it even leaves me feeling a bit anxious. And so if you can start that conversation with your child just to get them thinking about and tuning into their body and how it feels after spending a long period of time gaming or scrolling, then that's just another thing that's raising their own self-awareness of how it impacts them, which is really valuable. Now, as far as possible, if you can have your child be in a shared living space when they're online, then that is a way for you to also be able to monitor what's going on, what they're involved in, what conversations they're having. And you can also notice some of those subtleties, like their body language changing, if they're reading their messages, or if they're scrolling Because if your child is going off into their room and they've got their lights off and their curtains shut and their headphones on, you know, we can almost forget that they're in the house for an hour or so. But that's a time when we're also becoming a bit disconnected from what they're doing. Also when they're using headphones, then you can't actually hear who they're talking to and what else is being said. So if possible, get them to use speakers rather than headphones so you can keep in the loop about the conversations they're having and what is happening online. A good resource for learning more about keeping your kids safe online is commonsensemedia.org. And if you're not familiar, it's a website that gives good information on movies, TV shows, and video games in terms of content, and it categorizes the content and reviews it. So if your kid asks, can I watch Squid Games? Then you can search it up on Common Sense Media, and it will actually give you a rundown of what it's all about, what the themes are, if there's any violence, you know, what the content is basically. They also have guides for parents, so I know there's one on there called Guides to Parental Controls, and that gives really good information that you can actually start to put in place immediately, and most of their content is free. I believe that they do have some subscriber content, but I know that the Guide to Parental Controls is free to download. Now let's just talk briefly about critical thinking. Now with things like gaming and using the internet, generally, I do see it as an opportunity for young people to develop their critical thinking skills. So that is being able to pause, to question, to make sense of what they're seeing or hearing about. For instance, do they know if something is fake? Do they understand when an influencer is trying to sell a product or encourage some kind of action or response, and for them to be able to really consider the source of information, can they separate opinions from facts? Aside from safety, let's also consider the value of what they're consuming. And some of the tension that we feel regarding screens comes from assuming that the only value to the kids using devices is when it's something educational, or that somehow it's more justified if we think that they are learning something in the process. But there are actually so many functions of being online. You know, there's the passive TV watching: scrolling, watching YouTube and then the interactive, so the playing the video games, you know, there's the apps for maths and spelling, learning a language, and then the communication aspect with video chatting and texting and talking. And especially in our international community, our kids have most likely developed friendships that are now in other countries and cities. And having that ability to FaceTime or text is a great way for them to stay connected. And it's important. And then there are also the more creative projects, coding and art, making music or making videos and editing them. So there are so many uses for, living in this online world and it isn't just about things being purely academic that has a value. And thinking about us adults, there are times when we are. definitely stuck in passive consumption mode. Many of us like to scroll on Instagram at least once a day or, or other platforms, and which, you know, we will probably argue that it is relaxing, but there's usually a point at which it stops being relaxing and maybe gets you a little agitated. But sometimes it's still hard to, you know, close out the app, get off your phone even if you are feeling that way. So these platforms have been designed to keep our attention for as long as possible, and if adults with fully developed frontal lobes have a hard time stopping the scrolling, then of course our kids probably would have a problem with that too. And I'm not saying just because we like to do it that they should have free reign, but what I'm saying is if we have difficulty getting off our devices or recognizing when our body or our brain needs a break, then it must also be hard for them to self monitor, which is another reason why they really need those boundaries put in place, in addition to that open conversation about how it makes us feel when we spend too long doing something online. In anxious generation, Jonathan Haidt called phones an experience blocker-basically that phones are taking time away from all the other experiences that our kids could be having. So time outside, movement, exercise, interactions with people in real life. Whilst I don't disagree with this, I also think that we need to find some nuance here. So if we make phones and iPads the enemy, then that in itself also really impacts our home life and our relationship with our kids. You know, if we have that story, that narrative in our mind constantly, it sets us up as parents to be on the edge of dysregulation and getting into a power struggle if we are just automatically blaming screens for everything. So as adults, we also need to apply some critical thinking skills to this topic. Checking in with our kids, regularly, connecting with them, and being curious is a good first step to understanding what your kids are consuming online. Being online has benefits and there are burdens too. We know that. So be as informed as you can, set some boundaries, work with your child to navigate this together and be open to keep learning yourself. Try to stay curious and connected so that they don't feel the need to hide from you. And I know this is hard. I am also walking alongside you in this situation, this time in life, and I know that you and I are doing our best. So keep going and thanks so much for listening and we'll see you soon. If you'd like some support with screen time or any other parenting challenge, I'm offering a few free 20 minute consultations this June. No pressure. Just a chance to talk through what's on your mind. There's a link in the show notes to grab a spot if you're interested. I'd love to connect with you. You can also reach out to me on Instagram at globally_thriving