Always Invest in Yourself - Real Life Stories: 8 countries, 20 years

 Insights from a Globally Mobile Parent with Raffiah.

In this episode of the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, host Clare O'Byrne interviews Raffiah, a parent who has moved internationally nine times over the past 20 years. They discuss the challenges and strategies of raising children in different countries, maintaining cultural roots, and coping with repeated transitions. Raffiah shares her personal experiences, including her initial struggle with loss of independence, her journey in creating a supportive and creative environment for her children, and how she engaged them in the moving process. The episode also delves into the importance of investing in self-development amidst family responsibilities and offers practical advice for parents navigating international relocations.

00:00 Introduction to Globally Thriving Families Podcast
01:07 Meet Raffiah: A Globally Mobile Parent
04:02 Challenges of Moving and Raising Kids Abroad
06:15 Finding Community and Coping with Loneliness
08:40 Creative Solutions for Parenting on the Move
12:27 Impact on Career and Personal Growth
17:29 Supporting Children Through Transitions
19:05 Involving Children in the Moving Process
20:29 Maintaining Cultural Heritage Abroad
24:05 Preparing Children for a Move
26:01 Managing Emotions and Friendships During Moves
29:06 Personal Reflections and Advice for Parents
36:10 Final Thoughts and Resources

Connect with Raffiah on Instagram: @keepusbuzymum 

Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting 

Connect with Clare: clare@globallythriving.com

Get the Free 5 Minute Parenting Reset for Busy Globally Mobile Families: Website: https://www.globallythriving.com

Connect with Clare on Instagram: http://instagram.com/globally_thriving

Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting 

Transcript

0:05

Are you a parent or caregiver raising your child internationally? Are you curious about how to nurture your child's development? But find all the parenting information out there confusing? If so, you are in the right place. Welcome to the Globally Thriving Families Podcast. I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist with a passion for supporting children and their families for more than 25 years. Whether it's understanding how to build resilience to practical tips for language development, screen time challenges, and staying calm amongst the chaos, Globally Thriving Families is here to help. Join me as we explore the topics that give you the insights and guidance you need to support your children to thrive. No matter where your family's adventures take you. Hi there. Welcome back to Globally Thriving Families, and this week I am excited because I got to sit down with my friend Raffiah, whom I met about eight years ago in Kuwait. And she has moved eight times in 20 years and has raised her kids in the process. So we had a great conversation about some of the experiences she's had and what she's learned along the way about herself and her kids. So if you've ever wondered about how constant transitions, shape parenting and our sense of identity, then this episode is for you. So here goes.

Clare 1:49

Hi Raffiah. Welcome.

Raffiah 1:52

Hello. Thanks having me.

Clare 1:55

Oh, thanks so much for being here. I'm really excited to talk to you today. So, just to get started, for the listeners, can you tell me a little bit about your journey as a globally mobile parent? You know a bit about the countries that you've lived in and, uh, bit about your family right now.

Raffiah 2:15

So I am originally from Trinidad and Tobago. It's uh, twin Islands in the Caribbean. And, um. Growing up I never knew, I would ever leave my tiny island. Um, so when I got married, my husband's job has us moving from country to country and um, to date we've moved nine times. So I can list you the countries

Clare 2:42

Yes, definitely go for it.

Raffiah 2:44

So from Trinidad our first move was, um, Houston and, from Houston, Egypt. Egypt to Oman, Oman Dubai, Dubai to Kuwait, Kuwait to Delhi Gurgaon and then to England. And now we're back in Dubai. Yeah,

Clare 3:06

Oh my goodness. Wow. That's a lot of places. And what's the time span that that has happened in I.

Raffiah 3:17

So that, so when we moved to Houston, that was in 2005. Yes. So since

Clare 3:26

Okay.

Raffiah 3:26

We've been on the move. Yeah.

Clare 3:29

A 20 year journey. My goodness.

Raffiah 3:31

25.. Yeah.

Clare 3:33

You have, you have two kids, right? So how old is the oldest?

Raffiah 3:39

So she's my first. So she was born when we moved to Houston. She's 18, she'll be 19 this year. And then she is 11, she'll be 12 soon. She was actually born in Dubai the last time we lived here.

Clare 3:57

Right.

Raffiah 3:57

big age gap, but yeah, two

Clare 3:59

Yeah. That's amazing. I want you to think back to the first move that you made from Trinidad to Houston. Can you remember how you felt at the time and what that first experience was like? I.

Raffiah 4:16

Yes. That, was a shock to my system, to my whole way of life because, you know, living in Trinidad, working, you it's very different So I left my job in Trinidad. We moved to Houston, um, and you know, there's nobody that you know, so everything is all new. The area's all new. Um, it was the loss of, independence that was big for me. Um, I think that was the biggest, thing, the loss of independence because, you know, um, something simple as opening a bank account, having your own credit card, you know, it's.

Clare 5:02

Hmm.

Raffiah 5:02

Because you don't have a job. And I used to work in the bank for over 8 years, so it was,

Clare 5:07

Yeah.

Raffiah 5:08

It was really a shock. So then, you know, you have to think about, okay, how, how do I move on from this? And, you know, my husband, the next day we landed actually in Houston, he, he went off shore. So I was literally left on my own.

Clare 5:23

Really? How long did he go for that first trip?

Raffiah 5:28

I think it was about a week.

Clare 5:30

Yeah.

Raffiah 5:31

About a week. yeah. But you know, you can't sit and do nothing, you know, uh, Trinidad and, Houston, they drive on different sides of the road. So my first thing was, okay, let me jump in the, the car, the rental, and start driving. Let's, let's see how far I can go. There was a mall down the road, so, you know, it, it's the little things that you need to start doing to integrate, into your new environment. But, the lack of independence. Um, yeah, that was the biggest, as well as, you know, it's, it's a very lonely time each move. It is a lonely time

Clare 6:09

Yeah.

Raffiah 6:10

and have to put

Clare 6:10

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 6:11

yourself out there to, connect.

Clare 6:15

Yeah. So speaking of that, each time you've moved and you've had to kind of start again in terms of connecting or finding that community that you need, how have you actually managed to, to do that? And has it been difficult in certain places or easier in others?

Raffiah 6:37

Um, it has been different in each country. Where in Houston, I didn't have any children. Um, I studied real estate, which was a, A flexible option to work. and that community was, my, my go-to. And um, I kept busy as well. But each country is different as you have children, you connect with, with parents as well as the company itself that my husband works for. There is, a built in community because you have other expats from that same company. And, there is a group of, spouses that you can connect, but it depends on the location and how active they are. Uh, so, so yes.

Clare 7:17

Right. And so you were saying in Houston, just now, in Houston be you didn't have children and so the way that you were able to connect with the community was actually through working yourself, right? And, and then later as a parent, it's more through the children. Was there ever a part where. It was hard for you to find that community. Was there ever a time where you were actually a bit more isolated and lonely?

Raffiah 7:45

There

Clare 7:46

Yeah.

Raffiah 7:46

specific country yeah. So when we moved to Egypt, my first child was only 10 months. And, um, it's a country, the language is different. Um, and, we lived in a hotel. Literally for almost three months.

Clare 8:04

Right. Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 8:08

yes. That was a very lonely, period. And, you know, having a 10 month old, you know, she's at the age where she's very active. She started to eat solids and now you're in a new country and you're trying to find, you know, the foods and everything. So it,

Clare 8:23

Yeah.

Raffiah 8:24

and my husband, obviously, it's a, it's a new country. It's a new position. So he was busy at work. Right. Um. So That was one of the countries and the, the period of time that was very lonely, um, not able to connect with others. Yeah.

Clare 8:40

And so in those times when, when you felt like that, and may, maybe that's happened at other times too. How do you help yourself, like how do you cope with it?

Raffiah 8:52

Well, you know what? Initially for that period of time, it, it so happened that I was in an online group for moms, because I had just had

Clare 9:03

Mm-hmm. so we were

Raffiah 9:04

all pregnant at the same time. And funny enough, they were the, they were the ones that I leaned on online.

Clare 9:12

Oh, amazing. Okay.

Raffiah 9:14

Yeah. And then, um, but you know, just keeping busy with this toddler, at that time, you know,

Clare 9:21

Right. Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 9:23

trying to be creative, um, and keeping her active. Not letting her, you know, suffer in any way because it's also a move for her. Thankfully with little ones, once they're with you, they're, you know, they're contented. But, at that time with, with that's when I realized I really liked doing, Creative learning activities because there wasn't anything that I

Clare 9:50

Ah. could

Raffiah 9:50

reach out to. So I used to actually create simple things for her to keep her busy and to keep her mind busy. You know, you didn't want them always on a screen or you know, something like that. So that's when, I think that's the initial time I started to do the creative learning.

Clare 10:08

Oh wow. That's really interesting. So, just for the listeners, give a bit of context to that. You're talking about, you're starting this journey, so just explain that a little bit more.

Raffiah 10:19

Yes, So throughout, you know, throughout many, many moves, um, I needed to keep my, my sanity, and creativity is usually my go-to thing, which I realized. And, I have a Instagram account that I've continued and it's called Keep Us Busy Moms. And it, it has

Clare 10:39

Right.

Raffiah 10:40

It has evolved from each country and the needs of my children or the needs of, of the community around. And it's you basically, um, I create, these learning activities for the age group of three to six because. at, eventually in one country. I did study early, childhood because I realized I liked it.

Clare 11:00

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 11:01

yeah. So through this Instagram, this has kept me from country to country, uh, going.'cause I was able to create different activities for children, especially in the expat community where you have moms, you know, seeking out different ways to keep their children, productive and busy.

Clare 11:20

Yeah,

Raffiah 11:21

And

Clare 11:21

absolutely.

Raffiah 11:21

some moms traveling. You have so many expats. You are on a plane with a toddler, what do you do? You

Clare 11:29

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 11:30

Yeah, so it's different avenues and I enjoyed it and it, gives me a source of calming to create. So it started way back then and I didn't know, and now, yeah, it's been almost 20 years now, so, Yeah.

Clare 11:45

that's really, that's really interesting. So it sort of started, it sounds like, out of a need, you know, in terms of for stimulation and development for your daughter. But actually you tapped into something that was really, beneficial for you too, in terms of being absorbed and engaged in it,

Raffiah 12:03

yes, and now,

Clare 12:04

it's actually evolved even more because it's part of that reinvention of you. Over the years? Yeah.

Raffiah 12:11

It just started organically, you know, it just started and grew, on its own, so

Clare 12:18

So, you know, Raffiah you're talking about reinventing yourself and, and getting involved in something else that a arose out of a need. How has this globally mobile journey actually impacted your career as a whole?

Raffiah 12:36

Well, you know, as you move countries, it's very difficult for, one to keep a career going if one spouse is, very involved in their job. So, um, it was very difficult to keep a career going. But every country I did try to have something, for me. So as I said in Houston,

Clare 12:58

Right.

Raffiah 12:59

um, I did real estate, you know, which was flexible enough. Um, I was, I had there in Houston and I still went to the office'cause I had a few houses I had to close. And, you know,

Clare 13:12

Oh my gosh.

Raffiah 13:14

um, I. Yeah, was three weeks old. I had to go back to the office to do paperwork. She's, she was sleeping and I was, was there

Clare 13:23

Oh my goodness.

Raffiah 13:26

doing some paperwork. And then, you know, different countries, um. I got involved in different things and that's when I studied the early childhood and I really got involved with that. So I was able to work in, kindergarten, in one country, um, in pre-K in another country. So

Clare 13:43

Mm-hmm. it was not a consistent

Raffiah 13:44

career, but as I said, I tried to invest in myself as much as I could along the way. Uh, I wish I did more.

Clare 13:51

Hmm.

Raffiah 13:51

Um. But, yeah, so I would, anybody that's now getting into the whole expat move, try to always, invest if you, if you have a child and study something, you know, always keep that, CV going so that, um, you still have something for you.

Clare 14:11

Yeah, and I think a lot of people will be able to relate to that. Um, kind of journey of not being able to do what they maybe originally studied for or, you know, the previous jobs that they had or the career is gonna look different and trying to, trying to get your head around that and also problem solve it and change path. Um, so thanks a lot for sharing that. Hmm. I wanna ask you another thing about yourself, and then we'll talk about your kids in a minute. But,, you know, you're going through these moves, you've gone through several of these moves, and, and I think in your case, you, you have a rough idea that that's coming, that a change is coming, but how do you. Cope with that change that, um, the constancy of change and that, you know, everywhere you go it's time limited.

Raffiah 15:08

You know, although I know the move is coming, it sometimes limits you in the location you're at'cause you

Clare 15:15

Mm,

Raffiah 15:15

you're gonna move. So

Clare 15:17

right.

Raffiah 15:17

negative. But when I know the move is coming. What what gets me more, um, focused is being organized. Like

Clare 15:30

Right.

Raffiah 15:30

for each move I will have a notebook, that's when I get myself organized in every possible aspect. Um. I guess just, you know, keeping myself, structured in,

Clare 15:47

Hmm

Raffiah 15:48

um, helps me. Yeah.

Clare 15:51

So you're thinking very practically there, but there, are there ever, was there ever a time or has there been times when you've just felt, Ugh, I'm sick of moving. I actually just want to stay in this country where wherever you were now, I don't want to keep moving. Have you ever felt like that?

Raffiah 16:12

Yes, yes. But you know, uh, you know what I realize and I think it's just because this is what we've done for so long. Even my older one has said this many times, after two to four years,'cause we're always moving, we get this itch like,

Clare 16:27

Ah, right.

Raffiah 16:27

We've been here quite a while.

Clare 16:29

Yeah.

Raffiah 16:30

so it's like, it's like expected.

Clare 16:34

Okay.

Raffiah 16:34

many times, many times you, you think of you gotta, you know, pick up and move. Like you just wish you could snap your fingers and reach the, the next location. Um, yeah.

Clare 16:45

Right, because it's that process as well, like moving, there's so much on either end, isn't there, you know, all the stuff that you do before the move and then all that sort of stuff afterwards. And I'm not just talking about the logistics, but also the um. Starting over again, right?

Raffiah 17:03

You are starting over, you know, each, each country. Even this move to Dubai, although we've lived here before, it's, it's all starting over'cause it's been 12 years and it's, it's like a brand new Dubai. So it is all starting over and then, you know, the children are a different age, it's different things that you will have to look into. Yeah.

Clare 17:27

Yeah, of course. So let's think about the kids for a second.'cause I know you said now they're 18 and 11. So how have they responded to this lifestyle of, of moving to each place and, and obviously they've been born into it and they've grown up with it, so they don't know any different per se, but I'm thinking just in terms of how do you support them. In the adjustments. And are there any particular challenges that, that you've had or they've had, along that process?

Raffiah 18:03

Um, you know. To support the children it's, different in each country and, uh, it's different at each, age that they're, they're at, you

Clare 18:13

Yes, of course.

Raffiah 18:14

Yes. You know, when they're younger, they move with me. You know,

Clare 18:18

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 18:19

Whatever mommy says or mommy does. And, and for me to, to make sure that they are comfortable, you know, I, I try to keep some sort of consistency. So creativity is something I always go to. You know, if I see they are being stressed, you know, we'll go to a cafe and I always have a bag of stuff. It's always creative stuff. It's like a, a little pack of crayons, a little, um, just plain paper as well.'cause you could do so much with plain paper. You can play, tic tac toe, you can play, that game boy girl animal thing. You can draw something. You know. That is so key to just forget about everything around. So with the children, um,

Clare 19:08

Hmm.

Raffiah 19:09

with a move, that's what I, I try to do as well as with a move as they get older, I would then get them involved. I would tell them, okay, what do you want your next bedroom to, to be like? You know, do you want a specific color? You know, so when you get them involved. The, as they get older, it also helps them to, to look ahead rather than to look back what they leaving.

Clare 19:35

Yeah. Oh, I love those examples. You just gave me the, you know, having the things just to be in the moment.

Raffiah 19:42

Yes.

Clare 19:42

I love that kind of, playfulness of that too. The creativity, the playfulness.'cause it's a lovely way. To cultivate the connection, right? And I also love, um, involving them in having that agency over what this move might look like for them in terms of their surroundings and their environment. I love that Giving them some choice a little bit control over it because you know, the kids, they can't control the move. It's already set in stone for them that this is happening and they don't get that choice. So along the way, it's lovely that they're able to have some choices and obviously it's. According to their developmental level too. Right. So I, I love that. Um, you mentioned that you're from Trinidad, so I'm thinking that there's probably got some really rich heritage around that. So. How, if, if you have, have you kept that kind of going in terms of, exposing your children to that or keeping that culture alive? Have you been doing that at all?

Raffiah 20:52

So,, I try to keep things consistent with, you know, whatever country we in. try to keep up. Certain, uh, traditions, you know, different times of the year if it's So Trinidad we have carnival, right? And during the carnival time, I would do the, uh, a craft where they will create a costume and, uh, I remember in one country I actually involved the whole community.

Clare 21:20

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 21:21

whole community, you know, I did a arts and craft table, so all the children were able to do some sort of costume, and then we literally walked around the community. It was like 20 children. So,

Clare 21:35

Oh, that's amazing.

Raffiah 21:38

even for Easter, I would have, you know,, Easter egg hunts and activities for them Christmas time. So I try to keep that consistent in whichever country we're in. Um,

Clare 21:51

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 21:51

Just so that the the children will have some sort of, you know, something to look forward to, Yeah. Even, even Valentine's.

Clare 21:59

Oh

Raffiah 21:59

Yeah. Yeah.

Clare 22:01

I love that. So you've kept up with celebrating your heritage. Do you go back there in the summer?

Raffiah 22:09

Yes. Uh, we try to, it depends on which location or if we've just done a move. So if it,

Clare 22:14

Right? Of course.

Raffiah 22:15

during the summer, we'll try to go for Christmas. Um, my husband's family is also in Toronto, so we would, you know, probably do, Toronto and then down to Trinidad. So, yeah, I mean, my children love the beach, you know, it's,

Clare 22:27

Yeah.

Raffiah 22:28

They're really beach people. So, uh, we're all beach people, so, yeah. that's, um. That is, we try to do a trip as

Clare 22:36

Hmm.

Raffiah 22:37

as much as we can.

Clare 22:38

And, when you go back, to Trinidad, does it feel different to the kids? Like did they feel connected to the place and do you still feel as connected to the place?

Raffiah 22:51

I, I don't feel as connected to the place because it feels like, you know. I have moved on globally, which I have

Clare 23:00

Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

Raffiah 23:03

yeah. Whereas, um, a lot of people still, they're in the island feel of things. So

Clare 23:09

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 23:10

back to this island feel and, and my kids enjoy that island feel.'cause we always go to the beach and, you know, we're in the pool and, you know, I think everybody could say when they go back to their country, food is, something that will always connect you. So we

Clare 23:27

Yeah.

Raffiah 23:27

of local foods and, and fruits and, and that's why I introduced the girls as well. You know, try to introduce them to all the local, foods. Um, just

Clare 23:36

of course.

Raffiah 23:37

drinking coconut water of a coconut. You know,

Clare 23:39

Oh, amazing. Yeah.

Raffiah 23:42

Yeah.

Clare 23:42

Yeah. Sounds amazing. I think that's the thing, isn't it? Like, uh, the longer you stay away and the more places that you're at in between where you are from really takes on a sort of a different identity, doesn't it? You know? There's a familiar, and then it also becomes less familiar in a way too. Mm-hmm. Have you had to do anything specific or have you done anything specific to prepare them for a potential move, you know, in, in terms of letting them know how you frame it and, you know, managing any concerns that they have expressed about a move, whether it's before the move or after the move.

Raffiah 24:31

Well, you know. I try to hint it to them. So once I, once my husband tells me, okay, this, this may be happening. I don't tell them in, I don't tell them get-go

Clare 24:43

Right.

Raffiah 24:44

I just hinted to them. Um, whereas, you know, we've been here this country for how many years and you know.

Clare 24:52

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 24:54

They, you know, there may be a move coming up until it's like solid set in stone, my husband got the letter, then I will tell them, okay, this is where we will be moving. Let's, let's view the areas, let's, so then, because they're older, I would sit with them. We would look at schools in the area. We would, look at houses. My older one loves to look at houses like its her thing.

Clare 25:19

Oh, right. Yeah.

Raffiah 25:22

Um, so. So that that really distract them. Distract them about just, oh, we have to pick up and move. That's where I get them involved. Um, it's such a short timeframe from when they know we're moving and when we start to plan and then we have to, then they have to, to go through their bedrooms and see what we could spring clean, which is, you know, always a good thing. So, yes. So it's.

Clare 25:49

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 25:50

It's a short timeframe from when I inform them for sure. And then, you know, everything starts rolling. Yeah.

Clare 26:00

Right. And I'm guessing at some point you've probably had to deal with, you know, emotions around the move or that experience of settling in and, you know, worries about, um, leaving friendships behind and that kind of thing. How have you managed to deal with that?

Raffiah 26:19

So at a younger age, it doesn't affect them as much, but I find when, when they're closer to the age of 10,

Clare 26:25

they

Raffiah 26:25

really make. good f riendship bonds, close bonds

Clare 26:28

Mm

Raffiah 26:29

So, um, so I remember my second one, um, I introduced journaling to her.

Clare 26:38

oh lovely.

Raffiah 26:39

I Yeah, but she was around six or seven for that move when I introduced it. So she didn't, you know, writing was not big, you know, part of her, so she would use basic words and I gave her a book of stickers, like I specifically found stickers where she could incorporate it in her journaling to express herself

Clare 26:59

Mm.

Raffiah 27:00

herself. And that was one way. That I found helped her, you know,

Clare 27:06

I love that. we will actually

Raffiah 27:07

sit, sit together, um, you know, and we will journal. And then when she got older, when she was like nine, 10, she was writing, A page every night about her day.'cause we had just moved to the country and, for a year she did that. So I, I felt for her and her personality, it worked. very much, the journaling. Yeah.

Clare 27:33

Does she still do that?

Raffiah 27:36

She does not journal, but what she does now, sometimes before she goes to bed, she will just color or she will draw something or she will just doodle. So she does that at the end of the day

Clare 27:50

Uh

Raffiah 27:50

goes to bed.

Clare 27:52

oh, that's really good. That's a great habit to get into. You mentioned the Trinidad, festivals, but do you have any things like objects that you always bring from place to place?

Raffiah 28:06

You know, there's not really any object. We bring our flag.

Clare 28:11

Yeah. Oh, that's good.

Raffiah 28:13

The girls do have something that they, they would keep because

Clare 28:18

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 28:18

a trunk that they will keep things specifically from that country. So there's not really one object that's per se, um, that we, we move country to country with each each child. They do have their own specifics, you know, for example, went through so many schools, she had so many uniforms. What I did for her, her uniforms, uh, the, the badge from her uniforms,

Clare 28:46

Yeah.

Raffiah 28:47

was able to get like a small quilt with

Clare 28:50

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 28:51

The, badges. So she has that as a keepsake and, you

Clare 28:54

Oh yeah. That's really nice. Yeah.

Raffiah 28:56

It's a nice memorabilia. Um, but yeah, that's what we have

Clare 29:02

Yeah.

Raffiah 29:03

each country.

Clare 29:05

Okay. this trend that was going around TikTok and Instagram a while ago, if you could take your younger self to coffee, so think about the Raffiah that was moving to Houston, maybe.

Raffiah 29:19

Mm-hmm.

Clare 29:20

20 years ago, what would you tell Raffiah of 20 years ago if you took yourself for coffee? I'd love to know.

Raffiah 29:31

Yeah, that, that's a very, very good question because you know, um. You, you are moving countries, um, for the benefit of your family and you know, your husband's job. And, um, you could get lost in it. You know, everybody has something. My husband has his job, which is consistent. My children have their school, which, you know, that's different schools, but it's consistent. What I would really tell myself is that you need to always invest in yourself. You can't forget about you. You're not just a wife, and you're not just a mother. You know, you have to always invest in yourself and you know, in any way that you can, take that time to invest in yourself.

Clare 30:19

Oh, I love that so much. That is such a good reflection. And you're so right. You know, like we, we get caught up in the different roles that we have but there's more to us than just the roles and who we're looking after, right? Who we're taking care of. So I love that. I think that it's such a good investment to keep being engaged, keep learning, keep doing the things that bring us joy, or just exploring the things that give us joy. and then just if you were going to give your top tips, to help parents who are supporting their kids through these international moves, it may not be as many as you, but just even, you know, through a move, what would you, advise? What would you tell parents?

Raffiah 31:17

Um, you have to listen to your children. You, you have to read your children and, you know, I think most, um, most parents who are with their children all the time,

Clare 31:30

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 31:31

do that, you know, so you need to read your children, you need to be able to let them express themselves. My, my girls are very different. I need to read what

Clare 31:41

Right,

Raffiah 31:42

will work for one and what will work for the other one. You cannot just say, okay, yes, we're doing this, or, um, it, it doesn't, it doesn't help. It just, it makes them, uh, shut down more. So I would, say

Clare 31:55

right. read

Raffiah 31:56

your children and, um, do something out of the, the norm of the move. Do something that's a little more calming,, even if it's just if there is a park in the area, if there is a cafe, it depends on what your child, um, would feel comfortable or calming to them.

Clare 32:16

Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 32:18

Routine is very difficult, but if there is something that you're accustomed to, to do, uh, in your last location, you know, try and do that in your new location. I also recommend having them keep in contact with the last friends, that they have,

Clare 32:35

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Raffiah 32:37

When sometimes you move and there's a time change. So when we moved here, there was a time change to England, uh, three hours, my daughter would still, I would allow her to wake up until nine so she could still speak to her friends because they still need that conversation and just, you know, to be involved

Clare 32:57

Yeah, because

Raffiah 32:58

the new location

Clare 32:59

absolutely.

Raffiah 33:00

They're not connected with anyone as yet. so, and I always try to have a get together, uh, with their, in their last location with their friends. Something that, you know, that they all remember and, and you know, not, not something on the outside. I like home, home parties. I like parties in the house where they could really connect. And so I would do that. Yeah.

Clare 33:23

I love those suggestions. So just to sort of recap,

Raffiah 33:27

yes.

Clare 33:27

So you're talking about tuning into your child. Amazing. Giving them some consistency. In their routines, if possible, finding ways to help them, um, reset. I think it sounds like you're saying going to the park or doing something creative if needed. Um, and then really emphasizing that keeping in touch. And also I love that what you just said about marking, you know, having some kind of celebration as they're leaving. So really sort of marking, that transition. Because it, it is a big deal to move from one country to another and acknowledging that with our kids, we don't have to sweep it under the carpet and pretend it's not happening, and everything will be easy and fine.

Raffiah 34:14

Yeah. I think a lot of people, you know, they, they like to say the phrase that children are resilient.

Clare 34:21

Mm.

Raffiah 34:21

I don't, I don't believe children are resilient. Every child's personality is different and they will take a move. I mean, we've moved so many times and it's, it's, it's still a move, know, it's still a new place. Still a new country. It's new culture. Children are not resilient, but if you help them with the move and you help them along the way, right, it makes the move, um, easier for them. They will still have fears, they will still be anxious, you know, it's up to the immediate family around for us to all ease them into it, I believe. Your child will need to know that this is, and, it's a good life lesson where, um, it's a difficult time, but you're going to get through on the other end. You know, it's not like a snap of your finger. It's like, yeah, we're gonna move. It's teaching the child, it's a process. And after this right, we will get to the other end. And in anything you try or anything you do, you know, it's a process. Life goes up and down you just have to know that how you deal with it along the way helps you get to the other end.

Clare 35:35

Yeah, that's beautiful. Raffiah,. You're right. When we support our kids with the ups and the downs because there will be, we don't need to save them or rescue them from the adversity as such, or the challenge. But it's supporting them through it and also letting them know that they're capable. And you, you see that? Yes. Oh, you are capable of doing this, you will get to the other side.

Raffiah 36:01

You gotta be their cheerleader

Clare 36:02

So,

Raffiah 36:03

That's, you know,

Clare 36:04

Hmm,

Raffiah 36:05

in life. I, you

Clare 36:07

Hmm. Oh, absolutely. Well. Raffiah, thank you so much for chatting today. This has been so insightful. I loved your reflections. I loved the things that you told us about and these experiences, and I think, I'm sure that a lot of the listeners will be able to relate to this in some way. And, you know, help them with any upcoming transitions or help them reflect on some of the moves that they've had. Uh, so that's been really lovely. Thank you so much, Raffiah

Raffiah 36:44

Well, thank you so much for having me this was an enjoyable chat.

36:50

So thank you so much for listening to this conversation and thanks to Rafia for sharing her experiences so openly. If anything in this episode sparked something for you, I'd love to hear about it. You can find me on Instagram at globally thriving, or you can reach out to me on my website. Globally thriving.com Also, if you are curious about parent coaching and if it might be right for you, you can book a free 20 minute call via the link in the show notes, and we can have a no pressure conversation just to find out more about it. Thanks for listening. See you next time.