Surviving the Summer Holidays: Six Strategies for Parenting on the Move

Navigating Summer Breaks as an International Family: Strategies for a Thriving Experience

In this episode of the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, host Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist, explores strategies for managing the unique challenges of summer breaks for internationally mobile families. Clare recaps the previous discussion on the difficulties of living out of a suitcase during holidays and delves into practical tips including using visual supports for trip planning, creating daily anchor routines, understanding sensory preferences, handling external parenting advice, and the power of storytelling. 

00:00 Introduction to Globally Thriving Families Podcast
01:01 Recap of Previous Episode: Challenges of Holiday Travels
03:40 Strategies for Managing Executive Function Overload
04:48 Establishing Anchor Routines for Stability
05:38 Understanding Sensory Preferences for Better Parenting
08:51 Maintaining Autonomy While Staying with Others
11:15 Exploring Identity and Belonging
12:51 Recap and Final Thoughts

Connect with Clare: clare@globallythriving.com

Get the Free 5 Minute Parenting Reset for Busy Globally Mobile Families: Website: https://www.globallythriving.com

Connect with Clare on Instagram: http://instagram.com/globally_thriving

Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting

Transcript

0:04

Are you a parent or caregiver raising your child internationally? Are you curious about how to nurture your child's development? But find all the parenting information out there confusing? If so, you are in the right place. Welcome to the Globally Thriving Families Podcast. I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist with a passion for supporting children and their families for more than 25 years. Whether it's understanding how to build resilience to practical tips for language development, screen time challenges, and staying calm amongst the chaos, Globally Thriving Families is here to help. Join me as we explore the topics that give you the insights and guidance you need to support your children to thrive. No matter where your family's adventures take you. Welcome back to the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, and today we are following on from the last episode where we talked about why living out of a suitcase during the holidays can be hard for the whole family sometimes. If you didn't catch it. Here's a really quick recap. So one of the unique features of a globally mobile life is that for some families, the extended school holidays often involve returning to their home country. Now, of course, this doesn't happen for everyone or happen every year necessarily, but it is common. So depending on where you are and who you're with and for how long, there might come a point at which the trip home has stopped being fun or an adventure or that nostalgic reunion that you were imagining and might start to feel a bit like being in survival mode. Now that's likely due to a number of factors, including the executive function overload of just coordinating the activities and scheduling the quality time, managing changes in the routine and the sensory overload that can come with that too. Then there's navigating generational and or cultural differences in parenting all whilst having an existential crisis about where we belong now that we are moving between countries. Now, don't get me wrong, I know there is so much value to returning home with our kids, to nurture relationships with grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles and friends. Of course there is. And we may also want to cultivate connection to our heritage, and this is what many of us really value, and it's why we make the effort to go when we can instead of traveling somewhere new. However, acknowledging that there are layers to these experiences is also important. Reflecting on the whole experience can help us understand more about ourselves and our kids, to be more compassionate with ourselves and have more realistic expectations of not only ourselves, but others. And this might help us be more intentional about how we spend our time and to be really present with the people we want to be with when we are away. So let's address some of the challenges and think about the ways we can support ourselves. Now, this isn't a fix in any way, but rather these are some insights into how you can manage the load and care for both yourself and your kids. So let's get right into it. So the first strategy is using visual supports to map out the weeks that you are away to manage the executive function overload. So managing the logistics of the travel plus the schedule of activities, keeping track of times and coordinating plans with everyone back home can be really draining. Now, visual supports can help with that, so that could be a whiteboard. So changes can be made easily, or written in pencil if you prefer paper timetables like me. But this isn't just about keeping you organized. For kids of any age, visual schedules can really help them to know what's coming, to reduce surprises. Even if you are not a planner and you're going with the flow, get some of the plans down on paper. I shared in the last episode that my husband and I, we have to write lists of people that we want to connect with when we're away to help us make sure that it happens. Having something visual can help take some of it out of your brain and make it a bit less overwhelming and help ensure that it happens too. The next strategy is anchor routines daily. So the change in routine in the summer is often a welcome one, but for some of us, whether it's kids or adults, the lack of routine and structure can be challenging as well. Even on super slow days, having anchors in the day can create some predictability for everyone. Whether that's the daily walk or the daily quiet time, or even a favorite TV show that everyone's gonna gather around, build in downtime as well to that routine. Because even if some of you like to be busy and to keep going, and you wanna make the most of the limited time, your nervous system will thank you for even micro opportunities to rest. Now, speaking of nervous systems from a sensory point of view. Knowing your own capacity and sensory preferences as well as your kids is so valuable, and that's the next strategy. One thing that sometimes gets overlooked as parents is to understand our own sensory processing needs. We're often absorbed with meeting our kids' needs, that we don't tune into ourselves. The thing is, honoring our own capacity for noise, for stimulation, for activity and movement, et cetera, helps us in our parenting as it directly affects our emotional regulation and therefore how we interact with our kids. Have you had times when you're frazzled or overstimulated from being in the noisy indoor play place for too long or that really long day of visiting relatives and trying to make sure the kids didn't break anything or that they stayed polite? Those days sometimes result in us losing it on our kids at the slightest thing. So reflect for a minute, what energizes you, what drains you? What helps you reset and how can you accommodate this in your plans? You know, when our kids are younger, we tend to ignore these signals or we push through them for the sake of keeping the kids entertained or active. And that's often a reality of parenting as a globally mobile family because we don't have, that luxury of a village around us necessarily, or that flexibility. Even this year, I met up with an old friend and both of our kids, and we decided to meet at this indoor theme park, which happens to be inside of a mall. And we met there because logistically it made sense for both of us. But I'd forgotten that the noise of the indoor rollercoaster is so unbelievably loud. And wherever you stand in this place, it will come around past you about every four minutes. So not only was it impossible to try and kind of catch up with my friend and have a proper conversation, but it also gave me this massive headache afterwards. Fortunately, we hadn't planned to be there for long, so other than the headache, there wasn't any kind of lasting consequences. But these are the kind of things that you need to notice about yourself or your kids to be able to tune into those sensory sensitivities and, and preempt them when you're planning. On a side note, I couldn't help but think of the sensory sensitive kids and adults who were probably also having a really hard time with this insanely loud roller coaster. Now I'm a fan of narrating some of these needs to our kids to build in that awareness of sensory preferences for them and to model it. So just a casual reflection like, wow, that rollercoaster was so loud today. So when we get home, I'm definitely gonna lie down in a quiet room. And just saying it can open the door to them also being able to reflect. Building self-awareness and being able to communicate their needs, is really valuable. Now when it comes to staying in someone else's home, do you still feel in control of your routine? Do you feel like you can parent the way you want to? That probably depends on who you're staying with, I'm sure. But if you ever feel like you've lost your autonomy, you're not alone. If you have a people pleasing tendency too, this could be a really challenging part of summer as you may find yourself going along with plans or routines, or not holding a boundary for the sake of keeping the peace, and that can impact your enjoyment of the experience, but it also impacts your day-to-day parenting as well. Now, there aren't any quick fixes for this necessarily. But when it comes to managing other people's parenting views and advice. Try to reflect on this as early as possible with your spouse, if they will be with you, so that you can identify what are some of the topics or routines or aspects of parenting that you value, and what will you stand firm on? What areas are you happy to be flexible on? How are you gonna support each other in the moment and back each other up if you are being questioned about something or being given unsolicited advice? It's not easy because we are dancing on a line of being respectful and diplomatic, but also maintaining our role as the parent. Although I'm not really a fan of scripts per se for parenting, a few key phrases might be helpful in the moment to respond. So for example,"thanks so much, we can save this for later", or"thats's an interesting idea, I'll think about how it can work for"we're trying something a bit different right now, but I'll keep that in mind". And if you're giving up your autonomy to fit in with the routines of others, try to weave in micro moments of control that are non-negotiable for you. So maybe that's a daily walk or an outing. The trip to get coffee, a particular routine or a ritual or activity that you can kind of announce as something that you like to do or that you are all doing so that you are making it known that you intend to continue it while you're there. This is a really big topic and I am gonna delve into it more in a future episode because it is really fascinating. So as we move through these challenges from executive function overload and the sensory component and the parenting dynamics, the other deep layer to this that exists perhaps without us always giving much thought to is our identity and belonging. If you've moved frequently or lived away from your home country for long, you may not feel as connected to that place, or perhaps you have some complex feelings about it. Also, have you ever thought about your past self as in the person you were before having kids and before moving, and the person that you are now? It's fascinating, isn't it? And this is where storytelling comes in. So storytelling can be a really powerful way to reflect on our own shifting identity as a way to include our kids in that journey by sharing stories about where we lived, aspects of our childhood, the teachers we have, the silly moments, the embarrassing moments. We can connect our children to our earlier life and also help us process some of those shifts in our identity at the same time. And then when we visit those places, it can make those stories be more tangible for our kids to relate to. And this could become a valuable part of our children's story too, for when they become adults themselves. They're gonna have their own stories about those summers, and it's a beautiful way to build a foundation of belonging and values and even resilience for them. So to recap briefly, we've talked about using visual supports to support executive function and to reduce surprises. We've talked about building in anchor points throughout the day, such as outings to provide predictability, but also to build in regulation and rest. We've talked about tuning into your own sensory preferences, as well as reflecting on your parenting non-negotiables with your spouse, and discussing ways to support each other when you're managing parenting advice from others. And we've talked about weaving in micro moments of control when you feel like you're losing your autonomy. And lastly, using storytelling as a way to connect with your children and yourself. Now, like I said, there's no quick fix for anything, but I hope that this might help you reflect on your own situation and see where these strategies could apply to you. Also, and I know you know this, but no situation is ever perfect. So try to let go of the pressure to make summer a magical experience for your kids. Each summer holiday or each trip- it's going to have its ups and downs and looking after your own needs on a trip can actually be what makes a difference to how you parent. You might have a better chance of being able to join in the fun and be playful and be present with your kids if your needs are met too, because this in turn is what determines what kind of experience your kids have. If this resonates with you, please do let me know via my Instagram globally thriving or via my, website globally thriving.com. I would love to hear from you, and I'd love to know if there are any other strategies that you use to navigate the long summer break. So thanks so much for listening and see you next time.