Thriving Through the Festive Overwhelm

Managing Holiday Stress and Overstimulation for International Families

In this episode of the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, host Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist, discusses the mental load, pressure, and overstimulation that the holiday season can bring, especially for internationally parenting families. Clare offers insights on how to handle the chaos, prioritize self-care, and create low-pressure, memorable moments that foster connection and joy. She also introduces actionable micro habits to help families thrive during the holiday season.

00:00 Introduction to Globally Thriving Families
01:00 Holiday Season Challenges for International Parents
02:06 Managing Mental Load and Social Expectations
03:45 Sensory Overstimulation and Pressure
06:50 Creating Core Memories and Micro Moments
08:50 Practical Tips for a Balanced Holiday Season
11:05 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
12:21 Connect and Learn More

Resources mentioned in the episode: 

Thriving Through the Winter Holidays and the Heavy Work Suggestions: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lDcIxpX-0ip7JAqkI8vMW_gygLvnpuGu/view?usp=sharing  

Connect with Clare: clare@globallythriving.com

Get the Free 5 Minute Parenting Reset for Busy Globally Mobile Families: Website: https://www.globallythriving.com

Connect with Clare on Instagram: http://instagram.com/globally_thriving

Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting

Transcript

0:06

Are you a parent or caregiver raising your child internationally? Are you curious about how to nurture your child's development, but find all the parenting information out there confusing? If so, you are in the right place. Welcome to the Globally Thriving Families Podcast. I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist with a passion for supporting children and their families for more than 25 years. Whether it's understanding how to build resilience to practical tips for language development, screen time challenges, and staying calm amongst the chaos globally, thriving families is here to help. Join me as we explore the topics that give you the insights and guidance you need to support your children to thrive. No matter where your family's adventures take you. Hello and welcome to another episode of Globally Thriving Families. Whether you're staying home or traveling across time zones this winter, the run up to the Christmas holidays really throw everything at us all at once, don't they? The good stuff, like the fun, the joy, the celebration, the coziness. The traditions, but also the stress and the expectations, the pressure, the overstimulation. And if you're parenting internationally, there's often even more. If you want to see close family at this time, then you are probably the ones that will have to travel, maybe take a long haul flight, and then deal with the extended family dynamics, the change in routines, and that feeling of really wanting to make it all feel magical for your kids. If this sounds familiar, keep listening as we are going to talk about the mental load, the pressure, the overstimulation, and how to instill some micro habits to help you thrive over this season and to actually try to enjoy it. Now, if we love this time of year so much, then what are the challenges? So the number one thing I think of is the increased mental load for parents, and particularly moms. If your kids are going to school, this season feels like there are so many emails, messages on the WhatsApp, the end of term tests, the performances, maybe the celebrations. Perhaps you have to remember to send in money for stuff or bake something or contribute something. Our executive function system is having to work overtime to really keep track of everything, try and get stuff on the calendar to make it permanent or just to make the necessary plans of things that you want to do. And then there's the social side of it. So yes, it is a fun and festive time of year. Even if you don't specifically celebrate Christmas, there tends to be more opportunities for socializing, and before you know it, you might be doing way more than you usually do. Of course, we are all so different in how we respond to this. Some people love the social stuff and some people don't, and some people enjoy it, but need that extra bit of downtime to recover. Our unique sensory systems and nervous systems as a whole just dictates that for us. And that can be the difference between getting excited about this season and dreading it, and it affects the whole household in different ways too. I've talked about this before, but when our daily routines change our kids or ourselves, we sometimes lose that predictability of what's coming next. And for some of us that's difficult to manage. Of course the overstimulation is probably one of the biggest things about this time of year. The lights, the extra noise, the multiple events, even if your kids are getting Christmas presents, and you know when they get into that frenzy opening the gifts, and all of a sudden it's just chaos. If you're traveling, then it's all the stuff you're dealing with at the airports. Maybe it's meeting a bunch of visitors or new people, and even the good things that we love doing can still be an extra load on the nervous system. And this all applies to both kids and adults,. And if you or your child is neurodivergent, then that sensory overstimulation can be especially prominent for you at this time of year. Then there's the pressure aspect of it, we can feel all sorts of pressures as international parents and especially when we're far from home, we feel really responsible for creating a magical experience and that can be really dysregulating to the nervous system. There can be that pressure to do big, extraordinary things for the holidays. And that can be so fun doing special things, but it can also be a lot of logistics and money. And if there is too much going on, even if you love the chaos, eventually it catches up to you or your kids., And then there's that layer of guilt that sometimes exists. Niggling at the back of your mind, you might feel guilty for not seeing everybody, for not doing all the traditions that you grew up with. Maybe for saying no to events or for admitting that you need some space. When you are living away from home, the holidays can sometimes carry an extra emotional layer to it. You might feel torn about wanting to see loved ones, but not exactly looking forward to all the faff, as I call it, of all the travel and the time zones and the cost even. I can relate to this too. I want to see my family, but our close family lives in different countries. I want my kids to have core memories of being with family and being around a bunch of people that we care about and who cares about them, especially because they are third culture kids. We can't be everywhere all the time and maybe some years. We need to have that kind of courage and awareness to just sometimes maybe choose the nuclear family over the extended family if we feel that we need a rest or to save money. Do you ever feel that you want to see the people and want to be in a certain place, If you could just wave a magic wand and be there because the thought of the travel makes you wanna just cozy up and stay where you are and just be peaceful. If that's you, then I get you. If you or your kids have experienced this overstimulation and overwhelm and maybe even meltdowns during the season, then it's probably because of one or more of these things. It totally makes sense and big feelings at Christmas time it's not misbehavior. It's the body and the brain saying, I'm overwhelmed. I want to remind you of something that I think you know already, but sometimes we just need a reminder and it's about letting go of the pressure to be everything and do everything, and also to remember yourself in this whole process. Now, I know this is going to sound cheesy, but our kids, really don't need to have those big, big moments. All the time. And of course, you know, getting something that they really wanted or doing something that's extra special and fun. Of course that feels great and it feels exciting, but generally, what our kids remember is the times and the moments when. They feel safe and they feel seen, and it's the coziness, it's the connection, and it really is about the feeling rather than the thing itself. So it's worth remembering that the time where you're just playing some kind of silly game for a few minutes, or you're all cuddling up or you're having an adventure by. Going on a walk and you all get a hot chocolate or something. Yeah, it sounds so cheesy. It sounds like something out of a movie, but those really are the things Kids remember, and that the parents remember, because you are all kind of in sync with each other and enjoying each other's company. And even if you think about it, those kind of things, they're not overstimulating, you know, nobody's getting overpowered or bombarded with anything in those moments. So. These micro moments actually are what make it, that's what makes the core memories. We need to actually slow down and enjoy some of these very simple things, and that's what's actually magical about it. Now I know if you can't dramatically change how this season is looking for you in terms of travel or visitors or commitments, then it has to be about being proactive and the micro habits that you can put in place to take care of yourself and your kids along the way. So that you don't come out the other side feeling frazzled or burnt out. Or resentful And I know we're already in this season, but if you can make some decisions about things that you are not gonna participate in this year and. And try to feel okay about it. As parents, we do not have to strive for perfection. We only have to do what is good enough because that is exactly what's needed. Just good enough. I'm going to put two handouts in the show notes, and one of them will be some reminders about things to remember in this busy season that is going to help you thrive. And the other one is a list of all the heavy work things that you can do with your kids or yourself in very small amounts of time that is going to help with regulation in between. All of the chaos and the fun and the busyness. So this is all about micro moments that help with the transitions from one busy thing to another. Okay? So here's a couple reminders as well as what's in these handouts. Kids tend to thrive in simple low pressure environments and low pressure moments, and those things can end up being the thing that they really remember and they can feel the most connected. You know, one thing we started doing a few years ago was this thing called T by the tree. So yes. We celebrate Christmas, we put up a tree and it's going up earlier and earlier every year because we do love that kind of coziness and connection that comes with this time of year. And every evening we make a hot drink. And what we used to do when they were younger is we'd read something together or maybe I would read aloud something a little bit every night of some kind of Christmas related story. And sometimes we watch something short and Christmasy, but just coming together. And connecting. And the kids really remember that. And I really want you to remember that you exist for yourself too, not just being the joy maker and the creative director of this holiday season. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for everybody's happiness. You can show up and you don't even have to try your best. You can acknowledge your capacity, do what is good enough, and watch what happens when you actually prioritize yourself. Nothing will fall apart. It might not look exactly the way you want it to be or think that it should be, but that is part of letting go of the control. The point is that it isn't perfect without you. It's that you are okay with. However it is in the end, and if you are letting other people take care of some of those things, then you might have to accept that they will do it their way because the micromanaging can be exhausting. You know really hope that you are able to slow down a bit, prioritize yourself, enjoy doing something just for you And can enjoy this season. Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon. If anything in this episode sparked something for you, I'd love to hear about it. You can find me on Instagram at globally_thriving, or you can reach out to me on my website. Globally thriving.com Also, if you are curious about parent coaching and if it might be right for you, you can book free 20 minute call via the link in the show notes, and we can have a no pressure conversation just to find out more about it. See you next time.