Read People Like A Book by Patrick King

Ever wish you could read people’s true intentions like an open book? In this episode of Mind Set in Stone Podcast, Dave and Poppy explore Read People Like a Book by Patrick King, a deep dive into human psychology, body language, and emotional intelligence. 

Discover the secrets behind nonverbal cues, hidden emotions, and subconscious tells that reveal more than words ever could.

Join us as we break down practical techniques to improve social awareness, strengthen relationships, and develop the ability to understand what people really mean. 

Whether in business, friendships, or personal growth, mastering this skill can be a game-changer.

Tune in now and start decoding the world around you!

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Mind Set in Stone Podcasts. If you enjoyed our deep dive, be sure to subscribe and leave us a review! Share your thoughts with us on social media, and let us know which book you’d like us to explore next. Until next time, keep your mind set in stone and your curiosity open.

This has been a Big L Riz Media Podcast—where big ideas meet lasting impressions.

Transcript

 Welcome to Mind Set in Stone Podcasts, where we dive deep into the most compelling books on the shelf. Join hosts Dave and Poppy as they uncover the stories, themes, and ideas that shape our understanding and inspire curiosity. Get ready to explore the big ideas that leave a lasting impact.

Let's get started.

Hey there and welcome back for another deep dive. Today, we're skipping the telepathy but, you know, still tapping into some seriously cool mind reading vibes. We're talking about understanding the people around you like in a whole new light.

We're diving deep into Read People Like a Book by Patrick King. Have you heard of it?

I think you've probably seen it around; you know. I think it's become pretty popular and for good reason. This book is absolutely packed with like practical techniques to help you analyze people's motivations, decode what they're really thinking, and even get a sense of how they might behave in different situations.

It's like having a superpower, you know what I mean? But okay, confession time. I've always thought of myself as pretty good with people, like picking up on those social cues and everything.

But this book, oh man, let's just say it showed me some blind spots I didn't even know I had.

Yeah, it's so easy to just assume that we're good judges of character, right? But King, the author, he immediately challenges that, like right off the bat. He points out that we often fall into this trap.

It's called confirmation bias.

Confirmation bias. Okay, tell me more about this.

So, it's like when you buy a new car. Let's say you get a red Honda Civic, and then suddenly you see red Honda Civics everywhere you go, right?

It's like they multiply overnight.

Exactly. But it's not that everyone suddenly bought the same car as you, it's that your brain is now primed to notice it. So similarly with people, we tend to remember all those times when our judgments were right, when we were spot on.

And we conveniently forget all the times when we were totally wrong.

Exactly. Our brains just love to be right.

Okay. That makes so much sense. It's like remembering all the times you guessed the winning lottery numbers, but conveniently forgetting all those times you were way off.

But how do we actually get past that? How do we start reading people accurately?

Well, that's where observation comes in. The book really emphasizes that we shouldn't just rely on our gut feelings all the time.

Even though sometimes our guts, right?

Sometimes, yeah. But we need to be more like detectives, gathering clues and actually establishing these baselines for how people typically behave. So, once we understand someone's normal, then we can start to notice those little deviations, those subtle things that might reveal something more is going on.

So, it's not about making those snap judgments, but about taking a more measured approach or more observant approach, kind of like Sherlock Holmes but without the deer stalker hat, right?

Exactly. And King gives this great example in the book. It's a job interview scenario.

So, imagine you're interviewing someone and they're visibly nervous, right? Talking quickly, fidgeting the works.

I get picture it.

Yeah. And your gut reaction might be to just write them off, right? Like, oh, they're insecure, they're unprepared.

Yeah. I've definitely been guilty of that myself; I have to admit.

But here's where it gets interesting. Instead of just dismissing the candidate, the interviewer in the book, they decide to dig a little deeper. They consider the candidate's background, their experience, and they discover that this person has this history of, like, excelling in these self-managed projects.

Like, they're really independent and take initiatives. So suddenly, those nervous behaviors, they take on a whole new meaning.

It's like their nervousness isn't about lacking competence. It's maybe more about the pressure of wanting to make a good impression, right?

Precisely. This example just shows how important it is to look beyond those, like, surface level observations and consider the context. Behavior isn't always what it seems, right?

At least not at first glance.

It's like that saying, don't judge a book by its cover. Okay, so we've tackled confirmation bias and the importance of observation. What's next on our journey to becoming, like, expert people readers?

Well, King takes us on this fascinating detour into the world of psychology. He introduces this concept of the shadow.

The shadow. Okay, hold on. Before you go any further, are we about to summon spirits or something?

No, nothing like that. We're firmly grounded in psychology here, I promise. But think of the shadow as this hidden part of our personality, where we repress all those thoughts, desires, and impulses that we deem unacceptable.

Unacceptable, either by our own standards or by society's standards, the stuff we just don't want to admit to.

Okay, I'm following you. So, it's like that part of ourselves that we keep locked away, hidden from the world and maybe even hidden from ourselves.

You got it. And King argues that recognizing someone's shadow can be incredibly revealing. It's like holding up this mirror to those hidden aspects of their personality.

And it helps us understand why they might react in ways that seem out of proportion to the situation.

Can you give me an example because this all sounds a bit abstract.

Sure, yeah. Think about that classic scenario of like the straight-A student who suddenly goes wild once they get to college. They've spent their whole life repressing this desire for freedom, for rebellion, just to meet societal expectations.

But now, in a new environment, their shadow is unleashed.

Wow, yeah. That's actually a really good example. It's like all that pent-up energy, it has to go somewhere, right?

And sometimes it explodes in these unexpected ways.

Exactly. And just to be clear, understanding the shadow isn't about excusing bad behavior. It's about recognizing that everyone has these hidden parts of themselves.

It's about empathy, really. It's about realizing that sometimes people's actions are driven by these forces they may not even be fully aware of.

This is already blowing my mind. So, we've got our detective hats on, we're looking for baselines, and we're considering the power of this shadow lurking beneath the surface. What other secrets does Patrick King reveal about how to read people like a book?

Well, this is where it gets really interesting. He dives into how our childhood experiences, particularly those formative years when we're just learning how to navigate the world, can have a lasting impact on our adult behavior.

This reminds me of that saying, hurt people, hurt people. It makes sense, right? If someone went through a lot of negativity or even trauma as a child, those experiences would totally shape how they interact with the world as adults.

And that's exactly what King explores with this concept of like inner child. It's like this younger version of ourselves is still there, you know, alive and well inside us. And it's carrying all those wounds, those joys, even those learned behaviors from our childhood.

And here's the thing, those childhood experiences, they can like linger beneath the surface, you know, they influence our emotional reactions, even our behaviors, sometimes without us even realizing it.

So, like sometimes we're not reacting as our adult selves, but our inner child is kind of taking over.

Exactly. And get this understanding, this whole dynamic can be a game changer in our relationships. Like let's say you have a co-worker who completely throws a tantrum every time someone challenges their ideas.

Yeah, I think we've all worked with someone like that.

Right. At first glance, they might just seem like they're being difficult.

They could just be a difficult person.

Maybe, but what if, you know, beneath the surface, their inner child is actually reacting from a place of like deep insecurity, like this deep-seated need for validation, because maybe when they were growing up, their ideas were always dismissed or even belittled.

Okay, yeah. That completely changes things. So instead of meeting their anger with more anger, you almost need to approach them with more empathy and understanding.

Exactly. It's not about excusing their behavior, but about understanding where it's really coming from, you know? And King suggests that by recognizing these inner child dynamics, we can actually navigate those, you know, emotionally charged situations with more compassion and maybe even find more effective ways to communicate in those moments.

This is fascinating. Okay, so we've explored this shadow and the inner child book, pretty deep stuff. What other psychological insights does this book offer?

Okay, so he dives into this idea, and it's a simple one, but really powerful, that at a fundamental level, so much of our behavior is driven by like this desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

Okay, that makes sense.

Right.

So, you mean that most of our decisions, even the ones that seem like completely irrational, they all boil down to this like pleasure pain calculation.

Exactly. Think about it. Why do we procrastinate on that like big project?

Because that immediate pleasure of putting it off, Oh, yeah. it outweighs the potential pain of a stressful deadline later on. Or why do we reach for that extra slice of cake, even though we know it's not the healthiest choice?

Because cake is delicious.

Yeah.

And sometimes we just want what we want.

Precisely. It's our brain like trying to maximize reward and minimize threat, even when those threats aren't like actually real.

That actually reminds me of that story in the book about chaplains, you know, those chili flavored grasshoppers you can eat in Mexico. Oh, some people are completely disgusted by the idea of eating insects.

I get it.

Even if they've never tried them, right? It's like their perception of the pain, the like imagined taste and texture is so strong that it overrides any potential pleasure.

That's such a good example. It shows how our perceptions, even if they're not based in reality, can be like really powerful motivators. And you know what?

This is where it gets even more interesting. King takes this whole pleasure pain principle and he connects it to remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Oh, yeah.

I vaguely remember learning about that and like Psych 101. That's like a ranking of our needs, right?

Exactly. At the bottom, you have like those basic physiological needs, you know, things like food, water, shelter. And then once those are met, we move up to safety and security and then like belonging and love, then esteem and recognition.

And then finally, at the very top, self-actualization.

Right. The one everyone's trying to reach. But it's kind of hard to like focus on self-actualization when you're worried about where your next meal is coming from.

Exactly. And King suggests that understanding where someone falls on that hierarchy, it can actually give us some really valuable insights into their behavior. Like someone who is struggling to make ends meet, they're probably going to be much more focused on those lower-level needs.

Whereas someone who has a really strong sense of security, belonging, they might be driven by a desire for recognition, a sense of purpose.

So, it's like a whole different lens through which we can kind of view people's actions and motivations. It's not just about seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, but understanding the hierarchy of needs that are like driving those desires in the first place.

Exactly. And here's another layer of complexity. Sometimes people's actions seem, I don't know, downright self-destructive.

Yeah.

Have you ever known anyone who just seemed determined to like sabotage their own happiness, their own success even?

Oh, absolutely. I've had friends who stay in like toxic relationships way too long, or even co-workers who just seem determined to get themselves fired. It's like they can't see what's so obvious to everyone else.

Right. And this is where King introduces this concept of like ego defenses.

Ego defenses?

Yeah. So, these are like psychological strategies that we use often unconsciously to protect ourselves from these uncomfortable emotions like fear or guilt or shame.

So, it's like our brains have these like built-in defense mechanisms that just kind of kick in when we're feeling threatened, even if those threats aren't even real.

You got it. Think of it like this. You have a flat tire, but instead of changing it, you convince yourself it's not actually flat.

Oh no.

It's just a little low.

Oh my gosh. That is me sometimes.

That's an ego defense in action.

That is hilarious, but also so accurate. Okay. So, what are some of the common ego defenses that we might encounter when we're trying to read people?

Well, denial is a big one. It's that classic like head in the sand approach, where we just refuse to acknowledge a painful reality. Remember that example in the book about Fred, the guy who was like the diehard pop star fan.

He couldn't accept that his idol was capable of committing a crime. Even though there was like overwhelming evidence, he just clung to this like idealized image of his hero.

Because accepting the truth would just like shatter his whole worldview.

Right. His ego just couldn't handle it.

Too painful.

Exactly. And it's not just about pop stars or anything. We see denial in all sorts of situations, right?

People staying in those bad relationships we talked about, ignoring health problems, even just refusing to acknowledge their own flaws.

What other defenses are there? Because this is like really fascinating.

Let's see, there's rationalization, where we come up with these like logical sounding excuses for our behavior, even if those excuses are totally bogus.

We've all been there.

Right. And then there's projection, where we accuse other people of having the same negative traits or feelings that we're actually trying to deny in ourselves.

Ooh, that one hits close to home. I've definitely been guilty of projection a time or two.

What else? There's repression, where we bury those like uncomfortable thoughts and feelings so deep down in our subconscious, and they just like resurface in these other unexpected ways.

Okay, so we've got denial, rationalization, projection and repression. It's like this whole arsenal of like mental gymnastics that we use to just protect our egos.

Right.

But I mean, how does understanding all of this help us become better people readers?

Well, because recognizing these ego defenses in ourselves and in other people is actually crucial for like accurate people reading. It's like, we're trying to solve this puzzle, but some of the pieces are missing or they're deliberately hidden. So, when we can identify those defenses, we can start to see the bigger picture, right?

We can understand why people act the way they do, even when it seems totally illogical or even self-destructive.

This is blowing my mind. It's like we've been dropped into Psych 101 but in like the best way possible. So far, we've tackled confirmation bias, explored the shadow, the inner child, uncovered the pleasure pain principle, Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

We've even unlocked the secrets of these ego defenses. It's like we're building this tool kit for becoming like human lie detectors.

Well, not exactly lie detectors.

Okay, fine.

But definitely more attuned observers of human behavior. And speaking of observation, King actually dedicates a whole chapter to the power of nonverbal communication. So how to read people's bodies almost like a map of their inner landscape.

Okay. So, we're shifting from like psychology to body language. I've always been fascinated by this stuff, I have to admit.

It's like this secret language that we all speak even if we're not aware of it.

Exactly. And King draws a lot from the work of Joe Navarro. He's a former FBI agent who's now like this body language expert.

Wow, FBI. He must have some good stories.

I bet. But Navarro, he argues that the body doesn't lie. So, while our words, you know, they can be carefully chosen, manipulated even, our bodies often betray our true feelings.

Oh, yeah. It's like when someone says, I'm fine, but their whole body is screaming, get me out of here.

Precisely. And King, he calls these subtle cues, pacifying behaviors.

Pacifying behaviors, okay.

So, they're those unconscious gestures we make when we're like stressed or insecure or uncomfortable, little things like touching our necks or fiddling with our hair, even just like adjusting our clothing. They're all ways of kind of like self-soothing, you know, trying to regain a sense of control when things feel a little out of control.

Wait, so you're telling me that when I'm like playing with my necklace during a meeting, I'm not just being fidgety. I'm actually trying to like calm my nerves.

Exactly. And it's not just about what we do with our hands either. Our feet can be surprisingly expressive.

Our feet. Come on.

Have you ever noticed someone like tapping their feet during a conversation or jiggling their legs?

Yeah, all the time. I always just assumed it meant they were bored or, you know, impatient to get out of there.

Well, it can be a sign of impatience, but often it's just like nervous energy, like a way of releasing tension. Navarro actually calls those happy feet.

Happy feet.

Even though they might not always indicate happiness. On the other hand, if you see someone with like their toes pointed upwards, like little smiling feet, that often indicates like a more positive relaxed state of mind.

Wow. I never knew feet could be so expressive. This is fascinating.

So, okay, what other like body language cues should we be paying attention to?

Well, King goes into detail about all sorts of gestures. From the way someone crosses their arms to even like the direction they point their feet. So, for example, if you see someone standing with like their hands on their hips, their chest puffed out, they might be signaling confidence or even like dominance.

Whereas someone with their arms crossed, shoulders hunched, they could be feeling like insecure or closed off.

It's like their body is literally closing itself off from the world.

Exactly. Then there's eye contact or the lack thereof, right? We all know that maintaining good eye contact is a sign of engagement, respect.

But did you know that too much eye contact can actually be perceived as aggressive or intimidating?

Really? I had no idea. So how much eye contact is the right amount?

Is there like a magic formula?

There's no exact formula. But a good rule of thumb is to just aim for a natural balance. So, it's making eye contact for a few seconds, then briefly glancing away, and then re-engaging.

So, it's all about finding that sweet spot between staring someone down and looking like you're trying to avoid them.

You got it.

And here's another fascinating concept from the book, mirroring. So, we tend to unconsciously mirror the body language of people that we like, like and agree with, but we subtly distance ourselves from those that we dislike or distrust.

Interesting. So, if I'm like nodding my head and subtly leaning in while someone is talking, it might be a sign that I'm like vibing with them even if I'm not consciously aware of it.

Exactly. It's a subconscious way of like building rapport and connection. On the other hand, if you notice someone crossing their arms, maybe angling their body away from you while you're speaking, it could be a sign that they're just not fully on board with what you're saying.

Interesting. Okay. This is amazing.

It's like everyone's walking around with these invisible like signs and signals. If we know how to read them, we can gain this whole new level of understanding.

That's what's so cool about body language. It's this constantly unfolding narrative that's revealing information about people's thoughts and feelings, even when they're not saying a word.

It's not just about deciphering these individual gestures, but about seeing the bigger picture, like how it all fits together.

Exactly. King stresses that the most accurate readings, they come from looking at what he calls clusters of behavior. So, these subtle combinations of gestures, postures, expressions, they paint a more complete picture.

He even talks about reading the entire person as the expression of holding, so holding on, holding back or holding in. Imagine someone who sits really rigidly, clenching their jaw, arms crossed really tightly across their chest.

Defensive.

Right. Their whole being just seems to convey this message of tension, control, maybe even fear.

Yeah. It's like their body is like literally holding on to all that stress and anxiety.

Precisely. Now contrast that with someone who, you know, sits back comfortably, arms relaxed, palms open, maybe a genuine smile on their face.

Okay. I can picture it.

Their posture conveys like openness, warmth, you know, a willingness to connect.

Night and day. Okay. So, we've covered facial expressions, gestures, postures, even like the subtle language of feet.

Is there anything else we need to know about like decoding all this nonverbal communication?

Well, we can't forget about the voice.

Oh, right. The voice.

It's another really powerful instrument of communication, capable of conveying a whole range of emotions, intentions. Think about how you can like hear a smile on someone's voice, even over the phone.

Oh, it's so true. And on the flip side, you can sense when someone's being like sarcastic or insincere, even if their words seem genuine.

Exactly. King actually points out that the voice can like betray nervousness, excitement, anger, even deception all through these like subtle variations in tone, pitch, pacing. For example, someone who speaks really quickly and breathlessly might be feeling anxious or excited, while someone who speaks slowly and deliberately might be trying to, you know, convey a sense of authority or control.

Wow. It's amazing how much information we can get from something as like simple as the sound of someone's voice.

Right. It's all about turning into those like subtle nuances, those non-verbal cues that often reveal way more than words ever could. Okay.

So, we've covered a lot of ground from the like depths of the unconscious to the very subtle language of body language. We've explored how to like decode facial expressions, decipher gestures, even interpret what our feet are trying to tell us.

Yeah.

But there's still more to uncover, right?

Absolutely. Now that we've delved into the world of psychology, body language, King takes us on another fascinating detour into the world of personality models.

Personality models? Oh man. Well, things are everywhere these days.

You can't scroll through social media without someone proclaiming they're an INFJ or an Enneagram Type 4. But I mean, how much stock can we really put into these labels? Are they just for fun or can they actually help us read people better?

That is a great question. And yeah, King actually dives into a few popular models, including the Big Five personality traits, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, even the Enneagram.

The whole world.

Right. But it's important to remember that no personality test is a crystal ball. We can't reduce the complexity of human beings to a few letters or numbers.

Goodly. People are way too nuanced and unpredictable for that.

Exactly. But these models, they can at least provide a useful framework for understanding some of those broad patterns of behavior. Think of it like having a map.

It's not going to show you every single twist and turn in the road, but it will give you a general sense of direction.

Okay. Let's start with the big five. Refresh my memory.

What are those five core traits again? I feel like I should know this.

Yeah. The big five are openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.

Okay. That's a mouthful. Can you break down what each of those traits actually means for those of us who haven't studied this stuff?

Absolutely. People who are high in openness, they tend to be curious, imaginative. They're open to trying new things.

They might be drawn to creative pursuits. They love exploring different cultures, different ideas.

So, they're the adventurers. What about conscientiousness?

Conscientiousness, this is all about being organized, responsible, dependable. These are the planners, the rule followers of the world. They value hard work.

They strive for achievement.

Got it. So, openness is like being adventurous. Conscientiousness is being organized.

What about extroversion? I feel like most people kind of have a general idea of what that means.

You're right. Extroversion is probably the most like well-known trait. And it's all about being outgoing, energetic, drawing energy from like social interactions.

Extroverts are the life of the party.

They love the spotlight.

Right.

And then there's introversion, which is kind of the opposite, right? It's not that introverts are shy necessarily or, you know, anti-social. They just kind of recharge their batteries in solitude rather than in those like social settings.

Exactly. And then you have agreeableness, which refers to how cooperative, how compassionate a person is. Highly agreeable people are often described as like kind, empathetic, easy to get along with.

The people pleasers.

Sometimes they just like value harmony. They strive for cooperation.

Makes sense. And then lastly, there's neuroticism, which always kind of has a bit of a negative ring to it.

It does sound a bit negative, but it's really just a measure of like emotional stability. So, people high in neuroticism, they tend to be more prone to like anxiety, worry, mood swings. They may experience more stress.

They might find it harder to bounce back from setbacks.

OK, so we've got our five core traits. Openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. But how does knowing all this actually help us in like the real world?

Can we really like assess these traits in people just by observing them?

Well, it's not an exact science, but you'd be surprised how much you can actually pick up on just from observations. So, for example, let's say you're at like a networking event and you meet someone who's dressed really flamboyantly. They're like striking up conversations with everyone in the room and they seem genuinely energized by all the social interaction.

Chances are this person probably scores pretty high in extraversion.

Yeah, they're like a walking, talking example of what extraversion looks like.

Exactly. Now, on the other hand, imagine you're working on like a group project and you have that one team member who is always on top of their deadlines, they're meticulously organized, maybe a little bit of a stickler for the rules. This person probably scores high in conscientiousness.

Stamped on their forehead, conscientious. But what about those times when someone doesn't fit neatly into one category? What if they're a mix of different traits?

Which, I mean, most people are, right?

And that's where it gets really interesting. Remember, these models, they're just starting points. Most people are, like this really unique blend of different traits.

The key is to look for those dominant patterns, you know, those core pendencies that really shape how someone interacts with the world.

So, it's like, were these detectives, right, like gathering clues, trying to build a profile based on the evidence?

Exactly. And King gives some great examples in the book of how understanding these personality models can actually help us navigate these like tricky social situations. He talks about this one business partnership, one person was like super extroverted, loved brainstorming ideas, like in a group setting, while their partner was much more introverted.

And they preferred to like process information alone before, you know, sharing their thoughts.

But by understanding their different personality types, they were able to adapt their communication and actually find a more effective way to collaborate.

So, it's not about trying to like change people, or, you know, pigeonhole them into these like rigid categories. It's more about just recognizing those innate differences and then like adapting our own approach accordingly.

Exactly. It's about developing like that social agility to connect with people in a way that feels, you know, authentic and respectful, regardless of their personality type.

This is gold. Oh, okay. So, we've got like our basic personality map.

But King doesn't stop there, does he? He also mentions the Myers-Briggs in the Enneagram.

He does. He sees them as like these additional layers of insight, recognizing that some people find those systems particularly resonant.

Yeah, for sure.

The Myers-Briggs, with its 16 personality types, it goes deeper into how people perceive the world and make decisions, focusing on things like, you know, intuition versus sensing, thinking versus feeling.

Right.

It can be really helpful for understanding different communication styles, potential areas of compatibility, especially in work settings.

Right. So, if you know your colleague is a sensor, you might want to focus on concrete facts and details rather than these big abstract ideas.

Exactly. Then there's the Enneagram, which has nine interconnected personality types, each with its own set of motivations, fears, even defense mechanisms.

The Enneagram, I feel like that one has a bit of a cult following these days.

It really does. But people are drawn to its depth and complexity. The Enneagram really explores why we do what we do, uncovering those unconscious patterns and motivations that are really driving our behavior.

So interesting. Okay. So, we've covered a lot of ground with these personality models.

It seems like the takeaway here is that while these models can be really helpful tools for understanding people, we don't want to get too caught up in the labels, right? Exactly. People are way too complex, way too dynamic to be reduced to just a single type.

These models are meant to be starting points for understanding, not definitive answers.

I like that. So, we've got our observation skills honed. We're becoming amateur psychologists, fluent in body language.

We've even got a handle on these personality models. What else does Patrick King have up his sleeve when it comes to becoming like a master people reader?

Well, he dives into the power of questions, but those really artfully crafted inquiries that can like unlock hidden truths, reveal those hidden motivations, even bypass those ego defenses we were talking about earlier.

Oh, this sounds good. I'm all about asking the right question. It really is like having this key that can unlock like these secret doors in a conversation.

Exactly. And King gives us this like treasure trove of these thought-provoking questions that are designed to elicit those aha moments. For example, instead of just asking someone like, what are your goals?

Which, let's be honest, often leads to those like really generic, socially acceptable answers. He suggests asking, what kind of prize would you work hardest for? And what punishment would you work hardest to avoid?

Okay, that's brilliant. It cuts right to the chase. You know, what really motivates this person?

Exactly. And it's not just about the answers themselves, but it's also about the emotion behind those answers. Do they light up when they talk about a certain topic?

Do they get cagey or defensive even? Those nonverbal cues, they can be just as revealing as the words themselves.

So, it's like we're not just listening to what they're saying, but we're observing their whole demeanor, their energy, like how their body language changes as they're responding.

Exactly. And King offers a whole bunch of these really insightful questions, each designed to kind of unlock a different facet of a person's personality. Like he suggests asking, where do you want to spend your money?

And where are you okay with like skimping or skipping altogether?

Okay, that's a good one, because it really reveals a lot about someone's values and priorities, right? Yeah. Like are they all about luxury experiences, or are they more, you know, practical and frugal?

Exactly. It gives you this little window into their inner world, their relationship with like money, resources. And then there's that classic question, what scares you the most?

Oh, man. That one always gets people talking.

Right. Because our fears, they often reveal a lot about our vulnerabilities, our insecurities, and even what we value most in life.

Yeah. It's like those things that we're most afraid of losing are often the things we like cherish the most.

Precisely. And then there are those questions that are designed to uncover someone's values and their guiding principles. King suggests asking, what is your most personally significant, meaningful achievement?

And on the flip side, your most meaningful disappointment or even failure.

Wow. That's a powerful one. It really gets people thinking about their lives, their choices, even just their definitions of success and failure.

Right. It's a window into their values, their regrets, even their aspirations for the future.

So interesting.

And here's the best part. You can use these types of questions, not just in formal settings, but in everyday conversations. It doesn't have to be this intense interview.

Yeah.

So, it's not like we're interrogating our friends and family, but it's about using these questions as conversation starters, ways to just deepen our understanding, our connection.

Exactly. It's about approaching those conversations with genuine curiosity, this desire to truly see and understand the people around us.

This is great. I'm already feeling more equipped to navigate those tricky social situations, and honestly, just build stronger relationships. But King doesn't stop at reading faces and bodies and like, psyches, does he?

He also talks about reading people through their possessions, their homes, even like their online behavior.

He does. And it might sound a little bit like we're going full on Sherlock Holmes here.

Put on your deerstalker hat.

Right. But King argues that these spaces, they can actually serve as like these extensions of our personalities, revealing all sorts of clues about who we are, what we value.

OK, so you're telling me that my like messy desk and overflowing bookshelf, they're actually saying something about me, even if I haven't like consciously curated that image.

Exactly. King suggests like paying attention to things like how someone decorates their living space. Is it like meticulously organized or is it this like glorious explosion of creative clutter?

Do they have like expensive artwork and designer furniture everywhere or are there walls adorned with like family photos and travel souvenirs?

It's like their home becomes this reflection of their inner world, their priorities, their like aesthetic sensibilities.

Exactly. And it's not just about like those physical spaces either. King also gets into like what our online behavior reveals about us.

Oh, this is so interesting. Social media is like this whole other playing field for like people reading, isn't it?

Totally. King suggests paying attention to like what kind of content someone shares. Are they constantly posting selfies, bragging about their accomplishments, or are they sharing articles about social justice issues or like heart-warming stories?

So, their social media feed becomes like this curated projection of their values and their interest, even if they're not consciously trying to craft a certain image.

Right. And it can be really revealing. King even cites some research showing that people can actually accurately judge someone's personality just based on their Facebook profiles, even if they've never met the person in real life.

Wow, that's both impressive and a little bit creepy.

Yeah.

It's a good reminder that we're constantly sending out these signals whether we realize it or not.

Exactly. And the more attuned we are to those signals, those subtle cues hidden in someone's body language, their words, their spaces, even their online behavior, the better we become at reading people like books.

It's like becoming this master detective of human behavior.

Right.

Okay. So, we've covered so much ground today, from the depths of the unconscious to the nuances of a messy desk, and even those carefully curated social media profiles. It's like a crash course in human observation.

But before we wrap things up, I'm curious, with all these techniques at our disposal, is the goal to become a human lie detector? Like are we trying to see through everyone's facades so that we can manipulate them to get what we want?

That's such a good question and it's important, and King is very clear that's not what this is about at all. In fact, he actually emphasizes that these techniques should always be used ethically and with a lot of compassion.

So, it's not about exploitation or manipulation, it's more about understanding empathy connection.

Exactly. It's about recognizing that everyone, even those who seem difficult or frustrating, are operating from their own unique set of experiences, motivations, and fears. And when we can see the world through their eyes, even just for a moment, it can totally transform our interactions, even our relationships for the better.

That's beautifully put. It's like instead of seeing people as obstacles or adversaries, we start to see them as like fellow travelers. We're all on this crazy journey of life, each with our own stories and lessons to learn.

Exactly. And sometimes a little bit of understanding and compassion can go such a long way.

Could not agree more. This has been such a fascinating conversation. And honestly, really eye-opening.

I feel like I have this whole new set of tools and perspectives for understanding the people around me and maybe even myself a little better in the process.

Me too. It's a good reminder that the study of human nature is this like ongoing journey.

Totally.

Full of surprises and aha moments.

Absolutely. So, to our listeners, remember, the next time you find yourself interacting with someone, whether it's a colleague, a loved one, even just a stranger you pass on the street, take a moment to truly like, observe, listen, ask those insightful questions. You might just be surprised by what you discover.

Until next time, happy observing everyone.

We hope you're leaving with fresh insights and a spark of inspiration. Remember to subscribe, leave a review, and check back for more episodes as we dive into new worlds of thought, one book at a time. Until then, keep your mind set in stone and your curiosity open.

This has been a Big L Riz Media Podcast, where big ideas meet lasting impressions.