Because I thought we were going to start when sunset was happening and it looked really pretty out, and then it didn't happen.
Speaker 2So that's what you get for thinking.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's what I get for expecting. Well, someone was busy earlier when.
Speaker 2I wasn't what you heard me. No, no, I didn't. Someone was busy earlier when I wasn't.
Speaker 1hey, hey, hey, I'm in a relationship. What do you expect? Um, yeah, what was that? I saw a quote recently that said happiness starts with reasonable expectations, or something like that, and I was like yeah, how do you not? Have headphones on, because I left my headphones in California.
Speaker 2And so doesn't yours record me on the Zoom too.
Speaker 1Yeah, but it's okay if we have one, because then it helps me line up in editing.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1It's actually beneficial, but I'm bringing my headphones back with me when I come to California. Okay, all right, you ready, yeah, recording on everything.
Speaker 3Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1Okay, hi Mom, hi Chloe, hello, all right. Well, I'm not even going to ask how you are, because I know how we're gonna say who we are. This is breaking jaded hello oh yeah, hey, it's breaking jaded a podcast with a mom and a daughter. Um, it's about it. It's all pretty self-explanatory.
Speaker 1You're probably watching this because we told you about it already, so you know what it's going to be about, hopefully not hey, hopefully you're a rando that just decided to click on it because some clips resonated with you and if you are welcome. Hello, probably not. Okay, let's start with. Let's talk about the LA fires, because I just like our hearts go out to everyone that's been affected. I'm one to put myself in other people's shoes and in this situation I just can't even fathom it. So I've been avoiding putting myself in your shoes and I just I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It's absolutely devastating. I'm just thinking about the people who worked their whole lives for everything that they had, just for it to be, just for it to disappear in a matter of minutes or hours. So I just I'm so sorry and I'll give you a virtual hug and some all my condolences, because that's all I can do. Words aren't enough for a situation like that.
Speaker 2So, yeah, I personally experienced having my house burned to the ground. So I, I know exactly what that feels like. It's been um sort of re-traumatizing, just what. I can't watch the news. I haven't been able to watch the news because I, just I, I being an empath, I just feel everything those people are feeling and it's just devastating. I know that feeling like it's it's not even about. People are like oh, they have insurance and it's like that has nothing, they don't. That has nothing to do with it, whether they do, they don't whether they do or not.
Speaker 2It's not even. It's not even I mean. It's your home, it's your stability, it's everything. But it's not just that, it's what's in your home that you know, and it's and it's the memories in that home that you lose, and the pictures, and you know, it's. I can't, I can't even begin to explain what it's like, I mean, for me. I watched as the firefighters my house, my gas furnace exploded underneath my house, so it went up in a ball of flames immediately and I watched everything go down the hill down to the beach and, you know, in the water, as in a river, it's just so painful, you know. So, I know what they're going through and it's devastating and my hearts go out to you. We love you. What they're going through and it's devastating and, um, my hearts go out to you, we love you and we're sorry and um, and we hope yeah I'm gonna sending you lots of breath, blessings and prayers yes, I'm gonna link.
Speaker 1Um. I know someone personally, um, her name is hannah and she lost everything except her own life, her, her cat and her car. That's all she got out of that whole thing. So I'm going to link her growth on me down. She's raised, I think, $25,000 so far and their goal is $50,000. So I'll put that down below.
Speaker 2I'll also put some links that go out to either the firefighters or just the general public yeah, I have a link that goes to the fire, the incarcerated firefighters, which is, I know, we're going to talk about too but I was just about to ask you yeah, there's a, there's a go to fund me to help them because they've done so much for them. But yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1Yeah, so about that how do you feel about the prisoner? How do you feel about the prisoner? How do you feel about prisoners just being used to fight the fires? Because I say being used because I know we briefly talked about it earlier and it's it's controversial because they like the freedom, but at the same time, it's like they're getting paid $10 an hour or a day, I can't remember.
Speaker 2I'll put the. I'll put the link up.
A day, yeah, how do you feel about that? A day, okay, so it's very, like you said, controversial. It's a double-edged sword, you know, for people, for anyone when you're in prison, for a chance to get out of your cell and especially for them to have a way to give back, they're all for it, right, this feels like they have a purpose. They're giving back. Most of us, you know, that have been incarcerated, were adrenaline junkies. So, like you know, we love the hard work, we love the, you know, like the risking our lives, especially if it's to help other people. Like people don't get that about prisoners, but that's really who we are, you know, in a lot of ways. And so, for all those reasons, it's a good thing, you know.
Speaker 2But should they be risking their lives for six cents a minute or, you know, I mean six cents an hour? I mean, you know, or up to it's not even close to a dollar an hour, I think. At the most they get paid like 70 cents an hour, and so, yeah, I mean, is that fair To risk their lives, not just 70 cents an hour? And so, yeah, I mean, is that fair?
Speaker 2To risk their lives not just 70 cents an hour to clean up the side of the road.
Speaker 1It's 70 cents an hour. To risk your life.
Speaker 2Well, and the other part of that is is that you know they are learning a skill right, but as of right now they can't go. They can't go, they can't leave prison and go work for a county or a city fire department. And how does that make sense? They're trained, they're well trained right, and so they should be able to take those skills and go and take it as a job skill that they can use in their further their career when they get out right.
Speaker 2So they can't, when they get out, when they get get released, they're not allowed to go work for a fire department no, no, holy shit, sometimes cal fire will hire them, but it's, it's questionable, um, so they can fight forest fires sometimes and some people and it's yeah, but um, whoa, arc, the anti recidivism coalition, is doing an amazing job of training them. They've created a program where they train them when they come out so that they can be firefighters, which is amazing and so cool, and they're the ones that I'll put the link in. They're doing a GoFundMe to put money on the books of the firefighters that have helped with the LA fires. But should that? I mean they should get that while they're in there, like I. So preach this all the time.
Speaker 2People should want us to learn job skills so that when we come out, because the chances of us doing another crime, if we have a job skill that gives us a career when we come out and a purpose and a purpose, then the chances that I mean the recidivism rate goes down tremendously, like tremendously.
Speaker 2I don't know the statistics off my top of my head, but I know it's like way up there Like it's under 13% when people have an actual career they go into. So some of the programs for, like software development and things like that, they've had such a high success rate, like almost 0% recidivism, because people have learned a skill that they can take into a lucrative career, that they feel like they're doing something with a purpose. So that's where the you know we need to take this and to me, you know, the goal is is to abolish all of this, not just abolish slavery, because that's what essentially, this is in prison, and that was on the ballot this year. Unfortunately, prop six did not pass, but it was to change the constitutional law, which says the exception to the law is that slavery is allowed, is abolished, except when you've committed a crime or except when you're incarcerated, and then it's allowed and there should be no slavery.
Speaker 2Obviously, I don't think Americans free I don't think Americans should allow slavery at all. And and six cents an hour is not even enough to buy the commissary needs that you have. And if people think that prison provides everything you need, they are dead wrong. They do not. You have to buy your toothpaste, you have to buy your toothbrush, you have to buy your shoes, your socks, your underwear Everything is bought from commissary. So all that money I mean and it's great For the firefighters, I mean for them. They're stoked because they have $200 a month. They no longer have to beg their family for money where everyone else does. But still like that $200 a month. Just to give you an idea like, well, at least in the feds, your maximum you can spend is $360 a month on commissary. That's on food and your hygiene and everything else. It's on groceries and basic needs, right? So they say up to $360 a month and for a grown man, he needs that just for food alone.
Speaker 2So I don't know, like I said, it has its benefits for sure. I don't know, like I said, it has its benefits for sure. We'd like to see it take it a whole lot further into, you know, building upon these programs so that when they get out they are able to use it. The other component of this I could go on for days. But the other component of this is are they getting the trauma care they need for all the things they're experiencing and seeing while they're doing this? Because I can guarantee you they're not. And that's sad, because to be brought back to a cell or camp, a fire camp or whatever, when all these men have just experienced and they feel that loss they've seen so deeply right and to not have any ability to decompress, it's very, very sad there was a report from the ACLU and University of Chicago Law School.
Speaker 1In a five-year period, four incarcerated firefighters were killed and more than a thousand were injured. So there's that, too, where they lost their lives and they just they that's it. Yeah, that's it. They were pretty much used as slaves, like you said yeah. And then their families like imagine it's controversial.
Speaker 2I didn't come home to you. You know, like that's, it's their families that lose. Besides they lose. You know it's their families that really lose there too.
Speaker 1All right? Well, let's shift. So, speaking of difficult situations, it brings us to today's topic, which is understanding how people cope with overwhelming circumstances, especially those who process the world differently, like neurodivergence, like you and myself. So let's just, we're going to just kind of dive into the connection between neurodivergence, like ADHD, and addiction, dive into the connection between neurodivergence, like ADHD, and addiction. Um, so, basically, the moral of this episode is addiction is not a moral failing, um, it's often a coping mechanism, um, for people who feel too much or think too much or just process the world differently, um, and by understanding this, we can shift from judgment to empathy and support, which is what all addicts need. Mom, you have a lot to say about this, so you go ahead and share your personal story on this.
Oh boy, I don't know where to start. I don't know I start. I don't know I. You know I struggle with this constantly, like I can. It's interesting now that, like the getting to almost five years clean and sober and and finding, like, um, and really doing the work on myself that I'm doing like in all areas of my life, really doing the work on myself that I'm doing like in all areas of my life, so now when I experience things, I go, oh, okay, this is why I did that Like and I recognize, you know, also, learning about somatic therapy is allowing me to recognize, like, the things that happen within my body that are really, really interesting because, like I noticed I start to twitch, I noticed that I start to shut down, um, I noticed that like super sensitive but um, and all of this like, and then I'm super aware of my ADHD symptoms too, which can be absolutely crazy, like I.
Speaker 2I am so like here and there and there and there and there and everywhere, just in my speaking. I'm sure people who've watched this, who've watched this podcast, know they're like where is she going now? What is she talking about now? And I try so hard but it's just, my brain is like constantly and I try and slow it down, but it's very, very difficult for me and um, but you know, and these are the things that I used to use drugs to go, oh my god, this is too much, this is too much, I need to numb. And then I felt okay, like, I thought I, you know, especially, that's why, uh, stimulants like sort of like escalated it, which which I didn't like, you know, and but heroin, for me, sort of numbed it. I didn't have to feel so much, you know, I didn't have to Like, if I did do these things, I didn't care about it much, you know, like it just sort of chilled me out or nothing else mattered. And now I'm super hyper aware of it all and but it's, it's so cool to like, be so self aware and go, okay, like this stimulus does this and this stimulus does this, and I can understand.
Speaker 2I just wish that people as a whole, the world as a whole, would understand the correlation between neurodivergence, autism, adhd, all of these different things, and addiction, all mental health issues and addiction. Because if we had, if we're aware of them from the gate, and we had a way to, you know, to medicate or or therapeutically, preferably without medication. Right, then we wouldn't need to self medicate. Um, and I know there's no way to go to fix them, but I can tell you that, like what society is doing now with all these crazy drugs out there and all the you know, the social media stuff and the million different apps, Like for someone like me who's ADHD, oh, let me try this. Oh, let me try this.
Speaker 1You're constantly looking for a fix because it is really difficult to live. Try this, oh, let me try that. You're constantly looking for a fix because it is really difficult to live like this, like it's really difficult when your brain is constantly, you're your biggest self critic.
Speaker 1But when you are so hypersensitive, when you are so just constantly stimulated, your, your look, it's so draining and you're, you're always looking for a way out. You're always looking for a distraction, something to numb you, something to stop you from overthinking, something to stop you from spiraling. And, um, there's a, there's a statistic, a large scale 2023 meta analysis of substance abuse and ADHD. Studies found that, among respondents with at least one substance abuse order, up to 21% of them exhibited clear signs of ADHD, which is kind of insane. That's a big percentage, and this was broken out by substance. So 19% for cocaine, 18% for opioid and 25% for alcohol abuse.
Speaker 1Um, so, for people who are super hypersensitive or a little social like, have some social anxiety especially my generation, like we're not even just my generation we're going, if you're going to parties and you feel like you're your biggest self-critic, right. So you feel like you need to be a different version of yourself. You feel like you need to be a version that other people want to see. So, and the only way to do that is to drink a ton, or the only way to do that is to drink a ton, or the only way to do that is smoke or shoot up or something you know like it's in in alcoholics, anonymous meetings and NA meetings, all that like.
Speaker 2The first thing you hear from people like is that they, they felt that you know the first time they drank or when they started drinking or using or whatever. Usually it's drinking. That is how people start, but that's when they realize oh, I don't have social anxiety anymore, Okay, I don't have to worry about not fitting in anymore. I don't feel like because, well, and usually up until that point these people felt just like me, you know, felt like they didn't fit in, they didn't connect. They felt really really socially awkward and all of a sudden you put some substance in you and you're like it unlocks a version of yourself that you think other people want to see, which is just not all in your own head, or yeah, I mean, you're just, your inhibitions are lowered and you're just comfortable with connecting, whereas because that all that stuff that's in our brain keeps us disconnected yeah right, that's what happens with neurodivergence.
Speaker 2Is, I mean, I know, for me it's that overthinking constantly? You're thinking you know what people are thinking, you're assuming you know what people are thinking of you, and or you're thinking you know what people are thinking, you're assuming you know what people are thinking of you, and or you're judging other people or whatever it is.
Speaker 2It's that constant overthinking, and so that part goes away and you can just be comfortable, right, yep, and that's where alcohol, you know, works unfortunately really well for that, and and so, people, it's an escape from that and you don't have to feel all these all this stuff anymore.
Speaker 1Alcohol, for example, with partying and feeling like it just kind of gets rid of that inner critic. It always alcohol addiction or any addiction can. It begins as a way to cope, but it always exacerbates the real issue and then it causes shame, it causes guilt, it causes so many problems and it really just makes it so much worse.
Speaker 2Um, it's a temporary fix and yeah, unfortunately, with alcohol, though it alcoholism usually it's very rare that, like someone, if they stick with just alcohol, it takes a long time before the consequences start getting severe enough that they realize oh, I'm an alcoholic Sometimes never, and that's really, really sad. But I mean depending on the level of alcoholism, because there are levels. They're functional alcoholics same with addicts, you know and then they're non-functional, but, um, but for some, you know, like it and it'll be like a whole life of just using a substance to numb that weight, pain or that you know disease or neurodivergence, whatever it is they're trying to numb and they never really know it because it doesn't cause the consequences that you know have the effects that they need. Unfortunately, the consequences are usually what bring us to our knees and that's what allows us to get help. Yeah, so it's a tough one there.
So it's really essential to forgive and support rather than judge people dealing with addiction. That's kind of our main moral here. Yes To just be more understanding and empathetic, because and it's not, that's the other thing too is I feel like most humans and I'm talking most, with no exaggeration have an addiction to something, whether it's your phone, because we all do heroin, some sort of opioid, alcohol, a person a relationship a lot of people.
Speaker 1it's very easy to get addicted to things because it distracts you from something else, and that's usually the fact that it can be food or fitness too.
Speaker 2Some people are health fanatics, yeah.
Speaker 1So it's really it's. We're not just talking about hard drugs and alcohol here. We're talking about addiction in general, and it really all stems, stems from multiple things, sometimes different factors, it depends but it really usually stems from a place of not feeling comfortable within oneself and not being enough for oneself or not showing up for oneself. So we'll talk about some solutions right now too, because we're not just here to bring awareness, we're here to talk about how we can work on it as a collective. You know, because we're all struggling with it, like I know I struggle with. I am so chronically addicted to my phone. I'm like those people with like there's people with vapes that they can't let go of.
Speaker 1That's me with my phone, and a lot of people are like that with their phone. It's very easy. You have the whole world at your fingertips. But for me, I will do this whole what was it called Functional freeze and I'll sit in bed for 24 hours at a time, just doom scrolling. And I'm not the only. I'm also depressed, so there's that too.
Speaker 2But yeah, I'll sit there for hours.
Speaker 1I will not move.
Speaker 3I mean, I'm not as depressed as I used to be.
Speaker 1At least it's not active. I'm not actively depressed right now. It comes and goes in waves, but there are times where I'll get depressed and I will sit on my phone and just waste brain, rot my life away, because I just that's where my brain goes. I'm comfortable and I feel safe in my bed. Nobody's bothering me, nobody's talking to me. I'm not judging myself, but then again I am because I'm literally. It's so bad. I'm not the only person there.
Speaker 3Everyone who has social media on their phone is going through this right now, some worse than others.
Speaker 1Right when you are doom scrolling, you are going through the emotions as if you're living. What's on your phone? For example? They show a celebration of life Someone's grandma died and then you feel it Like I go through. For example oh, I lost my dad today, and here's some. I'm going to post my memorial video that I made for him and I'm sitting there bawling.
Speaker 1And then two seconds later I relate two seconds later I scroll into the cute puppy and I'm like my, my nervous system is like what the fuck are you doing? And then I put my phone down and I look around me and I'm like whoa, I'm still in the same room. I went through about a thousand different emotions in the last 10 minutes.
Speaker 1That's not healthy. That cannot be healthy. That's an addiction. Okay, no-transcript, that's what my body feels comfortable doing. That's what my brain and my heart feels comfortable doing right now. Um, and that's the same with people who go to heroin or go to alcohol. It's like they're doing it to feel better, but when in reality it makes you feel so much worse.
Speaker 2I don't think you should shit on yourself. But well, let me tell you this, so, like when I first got out, okay, so this, this will give you an idea of how social media works. Right, Because I can tell you that I had access to a phone through someone else's phone when I was in prison, right Near the end, and so, but I would pick it up. They'd be like here, Kendra, hang on to this for a second, right. And so I'd pick it up and I look through it, scroll through it, and I'd be like this is lame and put it down and go back to my book and read my book, right. And so when I got home and I got my own phone and you know, I start liking things and whatever you know, like all of a sudden, now it's noticing what I like, Now I'm addicted to it because it's-.
Speaker 2Your own algorithm yeah it's my own algorithm, right and the re. I realized the reason why I didn't like what was coming up because it was not my shit.
Speaker 1You know it's not my now, with algorithms it makes it, but that much. Yeah, it's so weird I was like uh, like so not interested at all.
Speaker 2It was not even something that interested me what was coming up. But then once it was my own algorithm so different, it like learns the things that you, you know, um, trigger you and so. But what I'm saying by that is, let me, when I moved so I just recently moved to San Diego, right, and because I'm so busy now, you know, building two different businesses and starting school and working as an advocate, I've got so many things going on.
Speaker 1You're doing amazing.
Speaker 2It's insane Going to the gym every day. Like so much going on, it's insane. I don't have time for my phone. Like I don't think I maybe spend five minutes a day on my phone and that's crazy, because I was spending, like you were hours and I like the days I didn't have anything to do. I would just get stuck right, like I would just, like you said, just get stuck in your bed or stuck on the couch and and just stuck on that and I'm telling you, chloe, I feel so much better, like so much better, and I didn't even realize how much better. I was thinking about it the other day Like, wow, I barely touch you, like I haven't even logged into Instagram, facebook. You know, the only time I do usually now is when you send me stuff.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I send you a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2But it's like once a day that I check all the things you sent me, you know.
Speaker 1And then you just feel, you realize that, like I said, when I'm in the bed and I'm going through a billion different emotions because and I confuse my nervous system and my cortisol skyrockets, because I'm not really going through anything in real life, but I'm experiencing it emotionally, especially because we're empaths. We feel very deeply. So when anything comes up on my phone, I'm feeling it, I'm experiencing it. So then I get addicted to that constant feeling, feeling, feeling. Then when I put my phone down, I'm like holy shit, my boyfriend's next to me. He's not cheating on me. He loves me, unlike what the phone just made me feel. Um, what do you watch? He loves me, unlike what the phone just made me feel. Um, what do you watch? I'm not. Um, I'm not drowning right now, I'm not getting eaten alive, like there's nothing wrong. Holy shit, I need to get off my phone.
Speaker 1And then the date like the last three days I was so busy with work. When I got home I realized I hadn't been on Tik TOK in so long. I got on it for a second, I start scrolling and I'm like ew, oh God, I can't put that. I don't want that right now. I don't want that because I feel completed in what I did with my day. I feel productive, I feel my purpose and I realized that this is real life, not that those are other people's lives, and a lot of it is fake, a lot of it is a front, because people like to pretend on the internet.
Speaker 3We all do Right.
Speaker 1Okay, so, so enough of that. Let's just wrap it up with some fucking solutions. When it comes to addiction, it's very important and I'm going to encourage our listeners and viewers to do this when you or a loved one is um might be using substances or distractions as coping mechanisms, it's it is important to not only be aware of it, but it is more than okay it's actually encouraged to reach out for help. It's very important to check on your friends and your family. Even if you're like, oh, they're just, they seem to be drinking a lot recently. They seem to be doing this a lot. You don't have to come at them in a please. Don't come at them in an attacking way. If you have an addict in your family, please don't ever attack them, even if you feel hurt. I'm cut. This is coming from someone who had an addict mother addict, dad addict, grandma addict everyone brother like he's not gonna like that. I have a family that's very addicted to things substances so I, coming from someone who never attacked them, never made them feel bad about it. I just came at them with love. That's the best thing you could do, and it starts with just being aware of the why, the why. My math teacher in high school taught me how important understanding why is. So when it comes to addiction, it is the most important to understand why, and so that's why we talked about neurodivergence and ADHD and people who are anywhere on the spectrum. It's very easy for them to become addicts.
Speaker 1It does not mean you're a bad person If you are someone who's been incarcerated or are currently incarcerated. It doesn't mean you're a bad person If you're. If you are someone who's been incarcerated or are currently incarcerated, it doesn't mean they're a bad person If they are a what's it called? A child molester? What's that called in prison? A FOMO, fomo, chomo, chomo? If they're a CHOMO, a rapist or a murderer different story. We're not talking about you. We're not talking about them.
Speaker 1Okay, we're talking about Well, even Okay, no we're not going there, mom, we're not going there.
Speaker 2We're not going there If you're a chomo, a rapist or a murderer, unless you're like. No, like. There's gang members who murder because they don't know better or because they were gang members and they are some of the best people the most reformed people later on in life like but if you're, that's why I'm all for, drop lwop, like it. That's I won't, I won't.
Speaker 1Yeah, I can't agree with that, I don't yeah, it really depends on the situation, but we're talking about people who are really good people but have have.
Speaker 2There's a difference between a sociopath oh yeah, Psychopath and sociopath. It really can, we can talk about what it depends on and what type of person you are.
Speaker 1But what I'm talking about, what we're talking about is separating who they are as a person and their addiction. If they're a good person and they're addicted to something, just please do your best to understand a little better. Just be a little more understanding, a little more empathetic towards them, that's it. That's it Because, at the end of the day, they're hurting way more than you are, that's for sure. Because not only do they know they're usually do they know that they're hurting other people, they are hurting themselves, and that is just a deep, dark place that you shouldn't shame anyone for. So fostering empathy and understanding is very important, and I challenge all of our listeners to think a little differently about people with addiction.
Speaker 2Yeah, especially if you have a parent that struggled with addiction or struggles with addiction. I just know that it's not your fault, it's not personal, it's not something you can change, you know, or even a child like it's not personal. I know people want to take it personal because you feel like you raised this child and now they're all fucked up and so it's personal, like you have to, you know, and it's not personal, it has nothing to do with you. It may have to do with mental illness or neurodivergence or something like that that is untreated and that's something to take a look at and maybe see if you can get them help for that. You know. We just want to help people to reunite with their families, like so many people we know have resentments, that from addiction, and if we can do anything to help people overcome that, if you're one of those people want to share your story with us, please do. We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1Yeah, dr Umar said.
Speaker 3Children who don't forgive their parents for the problems they've caused often end up raising their own children the exact same way, because you kept all that pain and hurt inside you and you're going to let it out on your own babies. You have to forgive in order to free yourself, so your children are not affected by the way in which your mother raised you. If you don't forgive her, that karma will come back to revisit you in your own relationships with your children so, yeah, there is a.
Speaker 1I mean there is a. If you have addict parents, you do have to eventually learn to forgive and learn to sit with that trauma that they caused or that you yourself caused If you want to have children that aren't affected by it. Because addiction does cause a huge effect, does have a huge impact on your loved ones and, as the loved one who is impacted, it is on you to heal it and to forgive, not just for the addict, but for yourself, especially for your bloodline.
Speaker 2It's very important. Yeah, well, I mean you may not make the same mistakes with your children, but they like for one but they will read the children seeing resentments or unforgiveness.
Speaker 2That's a horrible, horrible thing to teach, especially towards family members. It's a horrible thing, like. I know you and I are working on that a lot right With our family members and it's, you know, it's. It's a hard thing to work on when it's one sided, but we are working on it together to come to a better place so that we don't feel resentments and we don't. You know, we find forgiveness within ourselves because that's all we can do, like, but that's in sometimes that's all you can do If the other party in the whole you know, it's kind of like the whole restorative justice movie If there's a victim and offender and offender victim in this. In this sense I guess we're both like I'm both, anyway, I'm kind of in the middle of it all, you're not but. But you know, like both parties have to be willing, right, and but that doesn't mean you can't look at your part, you can't forgive from afar, and that's. You know, sometimes that's all we can do is forgive from afar and yeah, yeah and that's. You know, that's where we're at with it.
Speaker 1So a positive example of this is you and me yeah, we. For those of you that are new, here we are. My mom was in prison for a while before that. She was addicted to some things and absent in my life, and I had to live with a narcissist alcoholic for most of my childhood and it was tough, but now we're reunited, um for half of your childhood child.
Speaker 1You always do say that yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever from most of my. It's a big deal, it kind of is, but I really remember most of my life which is after well, but it was not.
Speaker 2You were nine when you went with her, and it's not most of your childhood now okay, so for literally, mom, mom, mom, listen, you were with me longer than you were with her.
Speaker 1Listen, if I was with you from zero to nine and I was with her from nine to eighteen, that's half my life.
Speaker 2And then from so you say most of your life sorry, half my life yeah, I thought you.
Speaker 1For me it's most of my life, because I really remember more from 10 to 18 than I do from zero to nine. But my point, my point, is I.
Speaker 2The reason why it's so important to me is because, thank god, like you know, I know, I know, know those nine years were so important.
Speaker 1Yes, we know. Yes, we know, we understand.
Speaker 2We understand. You discredit them all the time, though I know because you don't remember. I don't know how you don't remember.
Speaker 1We're just trying to be a positive example for people who because there have been a lot of people who have approached both of us separately recently that are like your podcast has been such a beacon of hope for me, because I deal with my mom or my dad or my grandma and I.
Speaker 1They're addicts and I just can't forgive them or I can't understand and I just need this. You guys have been so hopeful for me and that's all we're here for. That's literally our whole, entire purpose in life is to just help other people understand that it is possible and it is important to move with empathy and forgiveness and understanding and to know to not take it personal when you have an addict in your life and to just move with love and move with a big heart, because that's all you can do. All you can do sometimes is hope, but as long as you are doing your best to focus on your own life, focus that it's not personal and just give them as much love as possible, it is on them to heal and try to get over that addiction, whatever it is, including yourself. It's just moving with love is just so beyond important and it's overlooked nowadays and if you watch any of our other episodes, we go deep into how overlooked it is to just connect with each other, just to be more understanding.
Speaker 1People are really afraid nowadays to open up To be vulnerable and authentic.
Speaker 1They're worried about being vulnerable, authentic and opening up and asking for help or just ranting to people because they're worried about a reaction. Okay, so, whatever, you're here for a purpose, you have a destiny and it's okay. Okay to feel, it's good to feel. If you feel like you feel too much. That's better than not being able to feel at all. So, please, you know, interact with us. Have you ever, do you ever, feel like your feelings are too much for this world? And do you know someone that uses substances to cope with their sensitivity? And you know, okay to be vulnerable. You can share with us and we'll talk about, ask us any questions. Just, you know, stay authentic, don't worry about being perfect, and we hope that be, vulnerable, please.
Speaker 1Yes, it's good. Vulnerability is strength.
Speaker 2Don't misconstrue it as being a lot of courage to be vulnerable yes, it does so um, and you never know who it might help.
Speaker 1But, yes, okay, well, we love you. If I know you, I love you. If we don't know you, we love you too, welcome love you um, we hope that you, we at least made you feel something today, because feeling is good. All right, mom, yeah right I love you I love you, mom.
Speaker 1I can't wait to see you. I miss you. I know I miss you. I'm coming to California for a week in two weeks, so we'll get some in-person podcast going. We're going to have a birthday party. We're going to have a birthday party. Oh yeah, I'm having a princess fairy birthday party. Girls only, she's reliving her childhood.
Speaker 3I'm reliving my childhood because mom always, like, you said, oh your foundational years.
Speaker 1Your foundational years, you had the most amazing birthday parties. Yeah, I was fucking four. I haven't had an amazing birthday party since I was. I had one when I had a pretty good sweet 16. Before that I'm trying to. I'm trying to relive this princess inner child healing birthday party. So I'm 23 and I'm having a princess dress fairy party, okay, and I'm excited.
Speaker 3It's helpful and I'm really stressed.
Speaker 1Sorry.
Speaker 2Okay, you were just preaching about all this and you're like wow, okay, she still has some work to do.
Speaker 1I want my. I want to be a diva. Okay, Hold on, hold on you are a diva.
Speaker 2That's my fault. I think I raised you to be a diva, it's fine.
Speaker 1All right.
Speaker 2We don't have an outro. Still, we'll get one, but I got to get on this call.
Speaker 3Okay, I love you.
Speaker 2Okay, bye.