Why Is Resting Hard?

Ever finally sit down after a long day only to find yourself more tense than before? Your racing mind and clenched jaw aren't signs of failure—they're evidence of your body's remarkable survival system working overtime. 

The truth about rest is both fascinating and frustrating: your nervous system doesn't automatically know when danger has passed.  So when you finally pause, instead of relaxing, your system uses that moment to scan for threats and process accumulated tension.

Think of it like leaving dozens of tabs open on your computer—even when you're not actively using them, they're draining your battery. 

Chapters

• 0:00 The Rest Paradox Explained
• 1:13 Your Body's Security Guard Problem
• 2:40 Why Rest Feels Unsafe
• 5:12 The Open Tabs Analogy
• 6:19 Two-Minute Relaxation Technique
• 7:47 Closing Thoughts and Resources

Transcript

Emily Feist: 0:00

Ever finally sit down after a long day and think sweet rest, only to realize that your brain is still buzzing, your body still feels tense and, instead of feeling better, you feel weirdly on. Yeah, same Turns out most of us aren't actually resting, we're just pausing the chaos while still clenching our jaw and our hands.

Emily Feist: 0:28

Today, I want to flip the script on rest, show you why it's not working the way you think it would, and why needing real rest doesn't mean you're broken, lazy or falling behind. You're actually more brilliant than you realize. Welcome to it Starts at Vagus, where holistic health meets modern living through the lens of a massage therapist and that's me.

Emily Feist: 0:51

I'm Emily, and I am a neuromuscular massage therapist who works directly with the nervous system to help people relax their muscles and calm their minds. I'm here to guide you in unlocking the philosophy of the vagus nerve, the body's ultimate key to calm, connection and overall well-being. If stress, anxiety or burnout have you feeling stuck, you're in the right place. Before we start, if you could do me a huge favor and hit that subscribe button. It encourages me to continue to make podcast episodes and I can't tell you how much it helps when you hit that like and subscribe button. We currently have listeners in over 130 cities and as the show gets bigger, we can expand the podcast, bring in guests and continue to support your wellness, because I want this podcast to continue to be worth listening to and help people all over the world get stress and anxiety relief. Naturally, thank you to everyone who has already subscribed. I truly appreciate it.

Emily Feist: 1:58

Now take a deep breath and let's explore how we can use our nervous system to support our bodies. First thing first. If you're tired, wired or both, you're not alone and you're definitely not broken. The truth is, your body is a survival machine. When life throws stress at you like deadlines or texts, that mental load, all of it, your nervous system doesn't just magically know when it's safe to relax. It stays on alert like a loyal but slightly over-caffeinated security guard that's pacing the halls at 3am. And when you finally do sit down for some rest, your body's like oh good, a minute to scan, to see how everything feels and if there's any more threats. Not exactly the deep rest that you're hoping for, right? So let's get nerdy for a second.

Emily Feist: 2:53

When you're stuck in that sympathetic dominance, aka survival mode, your body thinks resting is unsafe. Can you believe that it thinks resting is unsafe. Can you believe that it thinks resting is unsafe, the most easiest thing, the most thing that we crave for? It's like nope, we're not going to do that because I don't trust it. And it's not trying to be difficult. It's trying to keep you alive, which is a great thing, that's what we want. But let's pretend we're back in you know little house on the prairie days and there's a bear and it's running, and if we sit down too early we could become that bear's dinner Not exactly what we're going for.

Emily Feist: 3:39

So that is why your body doesn't always trust rest. When it's got things on its mind, it doesn't feel like it can. And because it never got the signal saying, hey, that bear is gone, now it still feels because we have that fast heart rate because of our sympathetic nervous system saying, hey, you better get going, something's after us. And when your heart beats that fast, it's not sure if it's because hey, there's that bear coming at you or because, hey, I got to get this deadline done. Your body's reacting the same way. So it's not sure when it is or isn't okay to rest. So kind of think of it like this it's like leaving 47 tabs open on your computer. Even if you're not actively using them, they're still draining your battery like it's their full-time job and so your body tabs. Those would look like planning, worrying, overthinking. All of that pops up when we finally sit down, because our body isn't demanding attention from people or interacting with them. When it has that moment to think, it's saying, hey, look at all these other things that you have to pay attention to that you never finished or never closed. That's why just sitting still doesn't always recharge you. Your tabs are still open. That is why it's helpful to have the post-it notes where you can write your list. It's helpful to cross that off, because your body and your brain goes okay, that part's done, we don't have to worry about it anymore.

Emily Feist: 5:20

So we can't really just quote unquote rest harder, because that's not a thing. You have to give little we're safe messages to your nervous system. They are small, they can be a little sneaky, powerful moves that help your body say we are safe. And what that looks like would be your deep breathing, a safe touch, cozying up with your favorite blankets, all of those saying okay, we're fine now. And when you add the vagus nerve in with the singing or humming that actively activates your vagus nerve to settle down that sympathetic dominance. So you can go into parasympathetic mode, which is our rest and digest, where we can calm down and actually relax and rest.

Emily Feist: 6:12

So today we are going to make a tiny little task Find two minutes, just two minutes. Sit somewhere soft, close your eyes and do a gentle sigh. After a few minutes start increasing how dramatic they are. And if you're struggling with that, think of when you do a big sigh to make the mirror foggy. You can visually see your breath going on that mirror and that will help your brain say okay, look, this is what we're doing. We don't do this when we're scared. We do this when we're settling down. Does it feel a bit dramatic? Yes, is it also effective? Yes, once you're done, do a little body check. Notice if you feel even like 5% lighter. Recognize that. That way you can create your neural pathways to say look, this is how we are relaxing.

Emily Feist: 7:10

It's time to unplug. Get out of that survival mode and teach your body how to relax, because it's not perfect, it's not going to happen overnight, because you have to teach your brain that it is okay in certain times it can be just learning how to do that habit and it becomes powerful over time. It's going to be easier and easier for your brain to realize when it's safe to calm down and rest. Thank you for spending your day with me. Remember to breathe, reflect and I will see you next time. Thanks for listening to 'It Starts at Vagus'.. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you liked this episode, go ahead and give it a subscribe button so that you get notifications and don't miss out on what's coming next. If you'd like a step-by-step video on how to do a pain-free and easy vagus nerve exercise, grab my free vagus nerve reset video in the show notes. It's what I do when I feel like I just not like myself. Until next time, remember, wellness starts at vagus.