Handling Dismissive Comments About Anxiety

We explore what happens when well-meaning people say the wrong things about anxiety and how those dismissive comments impact your nervous system. Learn practical strategies to protect your wellbeing when others minimize your experience, from vagus nerve activation to powerful self-advocacy techniques.


Remember, wellness starts at Vegas. New episodes are released every Tuesday, so subscribe for notifications and to show your interest in this vagus nerve content.

Chapters

• 0:00 When People Say the Wrong Things

Transcript

Emily Feist: 0:00

Let's talk about those moments when someone says something about your anxiety that just doesn't land right. Or maybe they said just calm down, or you're overreacting. Or it might have even been a well-meaning but incredibly useless. Have you tried thinking more positively? Today, we are going to be talking about what to do when people say the wrong things about anxiety, because those moments can sting and if you don't understand what's happening beneath the surface, you might start questioning yourself If you've ever opened up about your anxiety and left the conversation feeling worse, not better.

Emily Feist: 0:43

This episode is for you. Welcome to 'It Starts at Vagus', where modern health meets modern day, living through the eyes of a massage therapist and that's me. I'm Emily, and I am a neuromuscular massage therapist that helps people relax their mind and their muscles, and I'm here to guide you through the philosophy of the vagus nerve. It's the body's ultimate key to calm, connection and overall well-being. So if you have stress, anxiety and have that burnout that you're just stuck, you're in the right place.

Emily Feist: 1:17

Take a deep breath in, settle down and let's explore how we can use our nervous system to support our bodies. Let's dive in.

Emily Feist: 1:25

You're at work and you're sharing with your coworker how you experience anxiety during an anxious moment and they look at you like, just deal with it. Yeah, that's not helpful. In fact, it can make it worse, because now you might start questioning your thoughts, emotions and even yourself. If this has happened to you too, you're not alone. The culture around us still has a lot to learn. When someone says something invalidating, your nervous system hears danger and your guard goes up, which is exactly the opposite of calming down. Even if their words are neutral, your body picks up on the deeper message of your experience isn't real or you're too much. That alone can induce the feelings of shame, hypervigilance or even emotional shutdown. And here's the hard truth your nervous system heard danger. Theirs didn't, but that doesn't make yours wrong. Your body is saying code red, grab all the snacks, no time to sit at all, scan for an exit and let's go. Meanwhile, theirs is saying it's fine, want to go grab lunch? Both of you are operating in different states of mind and that disconnect feel can feel awfully lonely. So let's go a little deeper.

Emily Feist: 2:54

Why do people minimize anxiety? Some people dismiss anxiety because they assume it's normal. They might say things like everyone's anxious these days. You just have to push through it or you're overthinking it. Here's why that happens.

Emily Feist: 3:12

First, they think that common means no big deal, but that's like saying cavities are common, so you don't really need to go to the dentist. Common isn't a synonym for healthy. Many conditions are common, but that doesn't mean we should ignore our body. We should learn ways how to support it. And when people say things that they don't mean to be rude they're not, but it kind of stings they just might not be ready to face their own healing journey. So they downplay yours to avoid something about themselves, and your honesty can feel threatening to someone who's been stuffing it down for years. That's not your fault and it's not your job to be their therapist.

Emily Feist: 4:01

So what do we do? How can we respond? Start by supporting your vagus nerve. Remember, the vagus nerve tells your body whether or not to be in that fight or flight mode or the rest and digest when we're calm. So start by taking a deep breath in, hold a moment and exhale. Do not forget to exhale. And no, holding your breath while glaring at the person does not count, even if it feels satisfying.

Emily Feist: 4:29

Another thing I like to do is to visualize their words. Grab the words as if the words are in captions in the air like in a cartoon and just take those words and throw them away. Those words aren't useful and they aren't helping you achieve your goal of nervous system regulation. Next, we wanna name what's happening Internally. Say to yourself that doesn't feel right. I feel dismissed and overlooked. Naming how you feel help you shift from chaos to clarity.

Emily Feist: 5:01

Third step is advocate or exit. You don't owe anyone an emotional TED talk, especially if they aren't a person who supports you to be the best version of yourself. You can respond by saying oh, I'm not looking for advice, I was just having a conversation about how I've been feeling lately. Or you could say I'm working on not overthinking and that comment made it harder. And lastly, you can say I'm going to step away and come back when I can feel like I can control what I say.

Emily Feist: 5:32

Those are just examples of how to shift the conversation, and I find the hardest part comes after the unwanted advice, after the conversation ends. That's often when our inner critic shows up and whispers maybe I am exhausting or maybe they're right. Here's what you need to say instead. Their discomfort with my anxiety does not make me a problem. I am not broken, I am healing and I am allowed to need what I need, because here's the truth You're not too sensitive. You are becoming more aware, more tuned in. That's not a weakness, that is growth.

Emily Feist: 6:16

Remember, many people do mean well, but imagine if they said something like I see you're struggling, do you want me to listen or to help? You're not alone. I've been there too. Or you don't have to fix this all at once. I'm here. Let's normalize those phrases. Remember those words when you have a friend that wants support. Let's help each other grow.

Emily Feist: 6:42

Thank you for spending part of your day with me. Remember to soothe your nervous system and to reclaim yourself again. Thanks for listening to 'It Starts at Vagus'. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you like this episode, go ahead and subscribe so that you get notifications and I get to know that you're interested in this topic of the Vagus nerve. Until next time, remember, wellness starts at Vagus.