When Calm Feels Stressful: Why We Cling to Chaos

Your pulse races. Your mind spirals. But strangely, this isn't happening during a crisis—it's happening during those rare moments when everything is finally calm. Sound familiar?

As a neuromuscular massage therapist, I've noticed an alarming trend: people whose bodies physically reject relaxation. Clients report feeling most anxious when their to-do lists shrink, or experiencing heart palpitations when they finally slow down. Your nervous system has adapted to survive—and even thrive—in chaos, making peace feel like unfamiliar territory.

This episode explores why your vagus nerve might be sending mixed signals, treating calm as a threat simply because stress has become your comfort zone. 

Ready to stop feeling anxious when things finally slow down? Subscribe now and join me every Tuesday as we explore how wellness truly starts with the vagus nerve—your body's master switch for finding balance in a chaotic world.

Chapters

• 0:00 Why Peace Feels Uncomfortable
• 1:03 Why We Find Comfort in Chaos
• 3:41 Training Your Body to Embrace Calm
• 4:32 Reflect, Replace, Support Your Nervous System
• 6:20 Starting Small for Lasting Change

Transcript

Emily Feist: 0:00

Have you ever wondered why peace feels unfamiliar and chaos feels like home? You're finally able to slow down and that to-do list gets smaller. Life quiets down and suddenly it's uncomfortable or, worse, stressful, almost like your body doesn't trust calm. Sound familiar. It's because your nervous system learned to survive and thrive in stress, and we're going to gently untangle that today.

Emily Feist: 0:27

Welcome to 'It Starts at Vagus' Vegas, where holistic health meets modern day . living Through the eyes of a massage therapist and that's me. I'm Emily, and I am a neuromuscular massage therapist that helps people every day relax their mind and their muscles. And we're going to go through the philosophy of the Vegas nerve. It's the body's ultimate key to calm, connection and overall well-being. So if you have stress, anxiety or burnout and feeling that you're just stuck, you're in the right place. Take a deep breath in, settle down and let's explore how we can use our nervous system to support our bodies. Let's dive in.

Emily Feist: 1:03

I have seen more and more people come to my massage practice saying that they feel the most anxious when it's quiet, when they have nothing pressing to get done. I also have a handful of people who are physically reacting negatively to being calm. It's strange but true. I can think of three people off the top of my head who have either fainted or have extremely high heart palpitations when they are in a calm setting. I feel like that's alarming. It's odd for the body to react to calm in such a drastic way, and when they go to the doctors, the doctors brush it off and just say, oh, you're just stressed. But my clients tell me that these negative reactions happen when they're not in a stressful environment. Now, I'm not a doctor, but here's my theory as an insight on why that might happen. First, we live in a go, go, go, fast-paced life, and in society Our mind doesn't settle down to think about what it's going through. So once you are in a relaxing environment, the body goes all right. Now it's okay to panic a little because we now have time to catch up on the things that are stressful. That happened earlier. This often happens with physical pain too. It's just like when you go to bed and suddenly realize that multiple body parts hurt. The two have a high correlation.

Emily Feist: 2:26

My other thought is is that the people that I know have very stressful lives and almost find comfort in stressful environments. For example, after a stressful day at work, they watch high stress crime shows or horror movies or even video games that induce that adrenaline feeling, but that is just feeding the stress. Your brain doesn't really know the difference between reality versus a TV show, or even your imagination. The brain just knows about the information that it is receiving from your senses and thoughts. And when you watch an intense show, your eyes and ears tell your brain that there is danger and that you should react because they are seeing what you are watching on TV. So even though you're relaxing your recliner with your favorite blanket, your body feels like it has to protect you. You see, the feeling of being stressed and intense might feel comfortable because you have the most practice with it versus practice being calm, which goes into the second theory, and that because you have the most practice with it versus practice being calm, which goes into the second theory, and that is, you have lots of experience with high chaos and therefore chaos is almost nostalgic. It's comfortable because it is known and the vagus nerve likes familiarity and remember, the vagus nerve lets the brain know whether to be in your fight or flight mode or rest and digest mode. So it's giving your body mixed feelings. When you find that chaos is calming, feeling relaxed feels very unsure because you have little experience with it and the brain goes are you sure it's safe? This doesn't feel right because it's not used to recognizing what true rest is. It's unfamiliar.

Emily Feist: 4:11

Since your nervous system learned to survive and thrive in stress, we now have to train our body to relax, to take those moments of quiet and stillness, to give our body experiences to build up on, so it can start recognizing calm instead of being weary and afraid of it. So what can we do? We can reflect, replace or support. So first reflect. You have to look on the inside. Why does a stressful setting feel calm to you? Now I can't answer that. So that is why you need to take time to reflect and analyze why it's so appealing. Look back at why you are drawn to stress.

Emily Feist: 4:50

Let's use the example of watching an intense movie. Why did you like it? Is it the suspense? Does your heart get excited with the music? Do you feel like you get an adrenaline rush watching it? Going a bit deeper, that could mean a chemical reaction to adrenaline. You might just be wanting that adrenaline fix. So now let's see how we can counteract that with a healthier, natural chemical reaction. For example, you could try challenging yourself in a physical way or seek a safe thriller like rock climbing or zip lining to get that adrenaline rush. But let's be real If you like thriller movies, you probably don't want to stop, or if you find that you like that rush of urgency in your job, you still have to get that done. So what do we do? Well, obviously we support our nervous system.

Emily Feist: 5:37

After you watch that show or come home from a stressful day at work, take time to do some vagus, nerve self-care. You could do humming or singing or deep breathing. All of those would be very helpful. Incorporating these simple, easy practices tells your nervous system that everything is okay and that you can debrief from what you went through earlier. Now you might need to start small if your body does have a negative reaction.

Emily Feist: 6:07

To start small. If your body does have a negative reaction, such as a fast heart rate, for example, you might want to do deep breathing for a minute or two instead of 15 minutes of deep breathing. And after you get more experience of deep breathing, your body will start to crave it. You will crave calm instead of chaos. It might take a few months, but you can get there. Soothing your nervous system helps reclaim who you are.

Emily Feist: 6:29

Thanks for listening to 'It Starts at Vagus'. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you like this episode, go ahead and subscribe so that you can get notifications and don't miss out on what's coming next. Until next time, remember wellness starts at Vagus.