Pure Intentions Podcast
Pure Intentions Podcast explores intentional relationships & building authentic connections through vulnerability. Gain insights & personal stories on love.
Pure Intentions Podcast
Importance of Healing & Solitude Before Dating
In this episode, we uncover why healing and solitude are essential before stepping into the dating world. Chrissy A., Sir Anthony, and guest Donisha share candid experiences of personal growth, self-discovery, and finding peace in solitude. From breaking free of attachment struggles to cultivating self-love, this heartfelt conversation offers valuable insights for anyone seeking meaningful and healthy relationships.
Looking for tools to deepen your connections? Check out our Icebreakers Cards, designed to spark meaningful conversations and foster intentional dating:
🔗 Shop Icebreakers Cards: https://pureintentions314.com/dating-games/the-icebreakers/
🔗 Read More on Our Blog: https://pureintentions314.com/healing-solitude-before-dating/
💬 Share your thoughts in the comments: What has solitude taught you about relationships? How do you prioritize self-love before dating?
Key Takeaways:
- Solitude promotes healing by helping you let go of emotional baggage and focus on self-awareness.
- Self-love is essential before entering a relationship, as it fosters emotional independence.
- Intentional dating tools, like Icebreakers Cards, guide meaningful conversations for deeper connections.
- Healing through solitude prevents repeating past relationship patterns and strengthens emotional boundaries.
- Embracing individuality in solitude sets the foundation for healthy, lasting partnerships.
My favorite thing sitting in my solitude was basically getting to know myself because, like once again I did say that I didn't know who I was because I was so codependent on other people for my happiness, for my pleasures and for just life period of my experiences, to the point where, when I was able to sit by myself, I started to okay, donisha, what do you like, who are you? And it helped me really try to like pull back those layers to figure out who I was.
Chrissy A.:Welcome to the Pure Intentions podcast, where real love, raw emotions and intentional relationships come together. Welcome back to the Pure Intentions podcast, where we talk everything relationship from an intentional point of view. I am your host, Chrissy A.
Sir Anthony:I'm your co-host, Sir Anthony.
Donisha:And I am the host, chrissy A. I'm your co-host, sir Anthony, and I am the guest Donisha. I am Chrissy's sister. Actually, I'm the baby of nine. We did Can't tell. I did start going on a healing journey at the beginning of this year, with the end of last year, into the beginning of this year, and all I can say is it has been a journey and has it ups. It's ups and downs, um, and it's still, like you know, an ongoing thing.
Chrissy A.:so and she also is the founder, and owner of oozing ink apparel that too, that's it and we are going to purchase us some oozing inks. We're getting them custom made.
Chrissy A.:Yes, so we will be wearing them on show pretty soon. We are going to talk about a topic that I've been wanting to talk about for a long time. You know we always real deep. The whole point of this is intentional dating, and I feel like learning how to love and be with yourself is an essential part before you even start the dating journey. Yes, so we're going to talk about solitude, loving and living in your solitude. Um danisha, since you are the guest, uh, we just want you to start it off like you know, just open up with maybe some experiences you had with being alone or you know, just anything that comes to your mind about solitude and why it is important To go through that period before you start the dating phase again okay, I've been on my own for what November made a year.
Donisha:I've been staying on my own own apartment, on everything by myself. I was forced into solitude after I was previously engaged. It didn't go well, so I was forced to like take on everything on my own. So it was a very frightening thing, like very frightening. I was afraid, because we get so afraid of the unknown. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't have control of the situation, so therefore I was afraid. It put fear in me, um, and I had no other choice but to give it a try.
Donisha:I'm it's the best thing that happened and I'm glad I did give it a try, because growing up in a household full of people, growing up with granny, was basically like so many people on top of each other, so I always had somebody that I lived with or that was there.
Donisha:So I kind of like suffered from, like the attachment issues. It caused me to hold on to things and people longer than intended or needed to, and that was where I lacked self-love as well, because I would put up boundaries and learn more, step more into that area. It was like I said it was challenging and I only can say it's challenging because, don't get me wrong, I love the piece, like being able to just shut the world out when you ready or when you feel like you just had too much and you just need that state of mind to really collect and refocus and, you know, come back to self and come with self. Um, it's good to live on your own and have solitude and be by yourself. I'm not gonna act like I don't have times where I do have those lonely moments. Yes, I do, I do, and whoever said that they don't is lying, like even introverts.
Chrissy A.:What was the the like, the, the most challenging part of going through your phase of being alone, especially after a divorce?
Donisha:I mean not a divorce it didn't get that far, y'all. It didn't get that far, thank god. Well, it technically was similar, but almost doesn't count.
Chrissy A.:I know that's right, but after um engaged, being engaged and breaking that off, y'all have that similar story, so maybe y'all can piggyback off each other with this. What is the hardest thing about having that person that is consistently there all the time to not waking up with that person anymore and not having anybody there. What's the most challenging part of that?
Donisha:you want me to kick it off? Um, the most challenging part for me was the absence, like me not knowing how it would be or how it would feel because, like I said, I always had someone there, I always lived with somebody. So the thing of me not having nobody to talk to when I come in from work after a long day, nobody to be expressive to, nobody, was just there. It was just me and my thoughts and what I feel and, in that moment, just me having to deal with self, and that's not easy for a lot of people. So it's like a lot of us try to run from it and go lay up under the next person.
Donisha:I don't know, it was just like a repeated cycle for me. I was just going women, woman, a woman, woman, a woman to. It was like once this hurted and it hurted so deeply. I'm like, okay, maybe this is that, that, that breakthrough, that wake up call telling me donisha, you're gonna continue to go through the same thing unless you work on it right here, right now, you already feel the pain, so why not just go through it? We'll grow through it.
Chrissy A.:I like that, thank you and what was the hardest part for you? Because, um, sir anthony has. Sir Anthony has already communicated with our audience that he was previously engaged, and so our listeners already know that part. But what was the hardest part for you? To not have that person and to try and detach yourself. And now you're in your moments of solitude.
Sir Anthony:For me it was a little different, because all my life I have been adjusted to doing things alone so the first time that I traveled, just traveled. I didn't want to wait for anybody, it was my birthday. You know how you do to send out the invites. And then it went from a big group all the way down to nobody and then you cancel.
Sir Anthony:I'm not that guy that canceled, so I, very first time, I went to vegas by myself, had an amazing time, and then, from there it would be, I would put out the plans. If you're not going, oh well, then I'll go by myself. I always been acclimated to going to the movies by myself, going to eat by myself, whatever I wanted to do. I'm not the type of person that'll sit and wait on somebody, so I already had that going for me.
Chrissy A.:So, yes, you do get lonely, but when you're so used to that, it doesn't feel lonely but the thing was that you actually, just like you were saying, you grew up in a house full of people too. Yeah, so, like, why do you think it is that you were so comfortable with being alone when you had that, that that dynamic of a household too, where there was always somebody there?
Sir Anthony:sometimes it when you grow up a certain way, you want to be the opposite of that and so you grew up in a hood.
Donisha:That's true.
Sir Anthony:That's true, that's a nice house so I didn't want the way that I grew up, and the same as a lot of people growing up in a household. You know sometimes you want that piece of yourself yeah, and so, and actually you touched on something like um with my. I only have one child. I mean, it was a result of something else, but growing up easy. Everybody in my family, three kids, it's like that's all you got.
Sir Anthony:So that was like low numbers five, six, seven, like that's the standard of everybody else having kids. That's why I have so many cousins and that's how it multiplied. So with me. I didn't want a lot of kids, I wanted to prepare for my kids. So my first daughter she unfortunately passed in the womb and it was hard to have kimora and after her we basically stopped. But I didn't want a lot of kids anyway because I'm like I grew up with a lot of kids it's more than enough of us so I can rent, rent some kids, some nieces and nephews.
Donisha:And we definitely do For real.
Sir Anthony:But no, going back on to the solitude thing, from going from when I was engaged, I could start to see, because we had been together and broken up so many times. Last time we were engaged and she took on a new career that like gutted our personal time.
Sir Anthony:And so I would have times where I could just be at the crib chilling, and for me I took that as another isolation moment, because I was doing two things. One, when you want to be what I've noticed in my world when I'm out chilling, going to the bar or something like that, and I'm not on nothing, a bunch of women want to approach me.
Donisha:What you doing here, Like they think I'm a honeypot.
Sir Anthony:What you doing here by yourself. Oh you look, and then I'm like I'm not on that.
Donisha:They think you're what A honeypot. A honeypot. What is that?
Sir Anthony:I never heard that pot. What is that? I don't know.
Chrissy A.:So you just like when flies come to the honey pot and get stuck to them because women usually are the honey pots I mean, I heard a honey pot like the, the stuff that women use for feminine care.
Sir Anthony:No, you just sit there.
Sir Anthony:I heard of a pot of honey pot and you attract everything to you just by being that makes sense, I get it we're wanting to stay faithful. So I wouldn't go out knowing that I'm in a chill mode and majority of the times if I do that it's gonna attract energy towards me. And so why I do all of that? When I can just chill at the house, I can have me a nice drink, a little smoke, and then, especially well, I'm always cooking, but I was really cooking Everything I saw on the gram or TikTok. I'm trying it.
Donisha:Chef Boyard, tony, yep, yeah, let's go. So.
Sir Anthony:I sit at the house chilling and that became like a thing.
Chrissy A.:Yeah.
Sir Anthony:But long term that's not sustainable, when you don't know where you can be with your mate and then, when you are, the energy is off because she's tired she's grumpy and then long story short.
Chrissy A.:With that she got other side dudes to entertain on the sides like you stretched in but you're supposed to be engaged.
Donisha:That's crazy, yeah, that was crazy now.
Donisha:Um, just to piggyback off the going out thing I had. The mindset that you had about this is how I grew up one way and I want to be another way, because I did like with, like financial finances and stuff like that wanting to be better than my environment or whatever. It was still like a struggle for me to go out on my own, though, like once I really just tried stepping into everything that I feared once I went through that breakup. That breakup really opened my eyes and was like okay, well, you're going to have to start doing stuff on your own anyway, so you might as well let it be now. So I go out to the bar Like Jar Grill was my favorite little bar for a while yes it was With the extra
Donisha:hot, hot jerk. So I go sit at the bar. What's up D? What you want, c'est bien Blanc. She already knew everything. So it like came very like soothing and therapeutic for me to a point where I was like rotating it on my schedule like once or twice not once or twice, but once a week, or once every two weeks, because it's like it's not as bad as I thought and that's like fear hold us back so much that it keep us just in this box because we just so comfortable Like OK, well, at least I know what's going to happen here, versus climbing outside that box and going to see what else is out there.
Chrissy A.:Before I went through my moment of solitude, I wasn't engaged, and they got me beat.
Chrissy A.:But before I went to my mom, through my moment of solitude, I also had a dependency, like a codependency thing going on and I really feel like now me and my sister didn't grow up in the same house together, so where she had family in one building, like literally the whole family was in one building. I didn't grow up like that, so it was just my grandma, um, and it was four kids including me, so that was the household, my siblings and my grandmother. The codependency in me came because I always wanted, um, a mom, like it wasn't even about my dad, it was like I wanted that motherly love, like I wanted someone that that wanted me back.
Donisha:And it was like I'm sorry. We all yearn for that.
Chrissy A.:Yeah.
Donisha:When we don't grow up with our moms, go ahead.
Chrissy A.:And it was a fear that I developed of rejection. I even like growing up as a kid I played every instrument that I could. I played the violin, the viola, the cello, I played the clarinet, I was in cheerleading, I was in praise dance and I went to church every Sunday. I prayed all the time, like I was just so active. And I did all these things because rewards came with them and I was just hoping that one day my mom would just show up you know what I mean.
Chrissy A.:Like she would just show up, like if I had enough assemblies to go to, if I had enough recitals to go to, if I had enough dance, you know what I'm saying then she would show up to something and it developed that codependency like I need that.
Chrissy A.:I need that and I don't feel that validation and I don't feel like that void has, even still to this day, being completely filled, because sometimes I find myself needing validation for things, like when I'm in dance class and I'm dancing, and sometimes the instructor would be like, oh yeah, you did that real good to somebody else and I'm like, well, shit, I did it good too. Like sometimes my mind does that and I have to tell it to like no, calm down, we ain't there. You know what I mean. Like it's always that, that voice, that inner voice in your head, that want to pull you back to the old version of you when you're trying to be a healed version that's the egotistic mindset.
Donisha:It caused attachment issues because you wanted that thing so, so bad. And I feel like that's kind of with me as well, like even with the liking women aspect of everything. Like I gave the man thing a try but I knew deep down I never like was really interested in men and I really think it's because I always yearn for that motherly love and that's why when I do date women, I look to see how they are with their kids and if you're not a good parent, I don't want to like deal with you or be around you, because it's like I suffered that I suffered from that. So for me to be around you and you try to be up under me and I see how you are with your kids, like that's taking me back to my childhood as to when my parent was absent or something like that.
Chrissy A.:But yeah, and I do feel like that, the importance of going back to the solitude thing, the importance of solitude and sitting in it, because a lot of people don't want to sit in the state of being alone. And I know people who, because I used to be one of these people, that are like, oh well, I don't have to be alone and people say you have to be alone and do this and do that. But I'm just a person that love love and I want to love people and I want love and I want this. But it was just a distraction. It was a distraction from getting to know who I really am and the point of the solitude that I was getting to was I would not have known things that trigger me. I would not have known that my dependency on motherly love, the absence of my mom not being there there, made me codependent and a people pleaser.
Chrissy A.:I wouldn't have known any of that if I didn't sit into my solitude, if I didn't say because the thing is, once you're in a relationship for a very long time and like it's just you and that person all the time, y'all always with each other, y'all always spending time with each other. Once that separates, it's like, damn, now I gotta be with myself. Who am I?
Donisha:that was the question who the hell am I? I asked myself that question when that happened, and it's crazy because do I like me yeah but go ahead, but not go ahead.
Donisha:I cut you off. It's just like I be trying to hurt yourself. Forget the thought. But now it is the who am I? Because that's one of the first questions I asked myself like, okay, what do I do now? Like I don't have her anymore, like what the fuck are we gonna do? And I'm glad that I did go through what I went through to force me into that moment of solitude, that season of solitude, because I learned so much about myself, and pain really help you with your growth. That's the next step. You know what I'm saying.
Donisha:You have to go through this in order to get what you asked me for. Basically, you know the most high and just being able to just sit with myself and learn the different techniques on how to calm myself, actually feeling that feeling inside. Because when we go through different things and challenges, we get this type of emotion and sometimes we don't even know what that feeling might be. You might have probably found yourself saying, oh, I just feel some type of way. I don't know how to explain it. You sit with yourself and your body actually talks to you if you just listen. But we be having so much going on up here where we just, oh, I can't sit by myself, I can't meditate, I can't do this, I can't do that, but we already casting spells on ourselves on saying what we can't do because we never tried it.
Chrissy A.:It's foreign, it's gonna be uncomfortable and just to touch on the meditation point, a lot of people that try to even attempt meditation. What I would say to you is don't stop, because what happens is once we, the first time we sit down in meditation, our brain is working to try and tell us what's uncomfortable for us, and that's when you realize that it's working. A lot of people think that all this ain't working because you think your mind is supposed to shut off instantly, and that's not the case. Like your mind never really shuts off, you just put it in a state of peace. That's what meditation leads you to, because if your mind shuts off, you're dead. No fact, you're just not alive.
Chrissy A.:So, just to speak on that, meditation is a key ingredient into learning how to calm yourself down and I feel like that, to be in an actual relationship because, let's face it, this is our audience. Our audience want to be relationship savvy, right so to be. Before you even get into that relationship, learning to calm yourself down in situations is very essential, because baby very vital, baby partnership is such a beautiful thing, but it is a challenge. Every single day there's a new challenge ahead and some challenges you might, in that moment, fail, but it doesn't mean that you can't succeed in that specific thing. That makes sense. I know it makes sense to you because we we go through these things.
Donisha:I wouldn't necessarily say it's a thing of you failing, like it's no such thing as failing, like I feel like it's a lesson, a learning lesson. Okay, this triggered me when you did this. Okay, let's sit down and communicate about it. Let's try to figure out a tool or something that we can do moving forward.
Chrissy A.:So once we do hit this bump in the road again, we know to know how to proceed without, it's a fail, it's a no, it's a failing moment, because it's like, okay, like I was telling him early, we get if you take a test, right. And let's just say we in school we take a test. We don't pass that test, what is it? We fell in it, right, but it's also no, no, just just.
Donisha:Yeah, we fell in it right.
Chrissy A.:But if we're able to take that test again, the same exact test, we know where we went wrong. So now we can change up the way we answer those questions. That's where your lesson is. So it's still a fail in a lesson. In the same sense, a fail isn't a negative thing, and I think we we make it as okay, I can see that if you fail, you can't, you can't try again.
Chrissy A.:Failing is a key to learning a lesson. Once you realize I didn't do good in this area, if you put your mind to I, I didn't fail, I didn't fail. It's like you you telling yourself that you've already accomplished this. But you haven't you failed at it? It is okay that you did not succeed, as long as you get up and you try again so you don't give up.
Donisha:So you don't think that like okay, so the universe don't know, like, when you're talking about negative things and positive things, and the subconscious mind plays a part in all of it, it gets stuck your subconscious. So, since people use failure as a negative word, you don't think that, like, that sits in our subconscious mind of saying that, oh, I'm a failure I think that, if I think your subconscious mind, whatever you teach it, whatever you teach it, that's what it understands, okay, so if you like, a computer basically yeah, if you teach it that failure is a bad thing and you can't do anything outside of failure, like once you fail, that's it.
Chrissy A.:Then now OK, you know I'm saying now you're you're putting yourself in a bad position. But if you look at failure as a sense to be able to try again and do again and repeat and learn from those lessons, then you setting yourself up for nothing.
Chrissy A.:But success okay, just because you are in a midst of solitude does not mean you have to be bored in it. That's right. You can definitely enjoy yourself. I know people who, um, are thirsty for a relationship right now. Yeah, and it's like I want to be in a relationship. I want some, and it's always a reason why, like, I think a lot of single moms would love to be in a relationship, because I spoke about this on the last podcast would love to be in a relationship because, um, it's hard trying to parent on your own and when you don't have that support system.
Chrissy A.:It's like you know you need that male figure, you know you need that partnership to help you in those moments. So a lot of women I'm gonna be honest, a lot of women out here are thirsty for a relationship. Yeah, and I'm here to say just calm down.
Donisha:Take your time because, baby, this is the longest I've been outside of a relationship and it's going on what the year. It's my longest time by myself. I never had time like by myself in between times, like I went from relationship to relationship to relationships, cause I always needed that, that codependency, like I always needed something or someone just for me to feel love, and that was me lacking self-love. I do feel like solitude is a form of self-love, because when you can sit by yourself and be comfortable with yourself and actually enjoy your own company, that's you putting yourself before anybody else and that's where I'm at right now yourself before anybody else and that's where I'm at right now.
Donisha:So a lot of times, like when I do like step back out into the dating, dating world, um, I know what I want and what I don't want like I get it the whole gist of oh, if it's something you want, you want to, you know you got to fight for it. But me I'm at a point where, if it's something, I'm checking out boxes as soon as I walk through the door knock, knock, knock, come in. Oh shit, no, no, oh, okay, no, because it's like I love myself that much and I allow so much I wouldn't say disrespect, but I allow so much stuff that I should have been nipped in the bud. I ignored all the red flags, I ignored everything, just because I just wanted.
Chrissy A.:I was infatuated with the thought of being in love when you have that need for love, when you have that thirst for love, you will accept anything and I say this all the time, but it's so true, like you'll be, like you'll find something.
Chrissy A.:You'll compare this person that's in front of you to your last relationship and if they not doing that one thing that irritated you about the last relationship and they check off that one box, it's like okay, well, I can deal with the other shit. But now you in this relationship and you find other boxes, that needs to be like uh-uh, I don't like this. And you find yourself dealing with it because you think less of yourself, yourself dealing with it because you don't. You think less of yourself and you don't think that you're worthy of someone who meets all of the standards that you have, or you haven't spent time in your solitude to even understand what it is that you want in the first place that's facts heavy because, like the next time I do step into the relationship, like I know, I'm gonna sit with myself and I'm gonna check off and write down the things that I like, the characteristics I would want within my partner.
Donisha:You know what I'm saying. It's not just about I wouldn't say just about what I love, but also the characteristics and the traits that they they carry as well. So it's a thing of, yeah, I might like this and they might not have it down pat where I need it to be or where I want to be, but that's just like I can't walk into something setting high expectations. I just have to like, I guess, experience a person, because that's what we're here to do anyway. So how about I love myself, you love yourself and we just experience each other within loving ourselves?
Sir Anthony:that's always what I stole that from, I think, jada Pinkett her podcast. She said happiness is selfish. Yeah, so you should be. You shouldn't worry about somebody making you happy, and that's what society goes wrong they want. You're my mate, you're supposed to make me happy you're supposed to be happy yourself. You're supposed to be happy yourself, and we bring that happiness together and share it exactly and then and that.
Chrissy A.:And I think people take that at face value because I hear a lot of people saying just exactly and that. And I think people take that at face value because I hear a lot of people saying just that, but I don't think people really understand what it means, because then you have those same people that say things like that and be like well, my love, come with conditions. And it's like when you pick this is why it's essential to understand who you are yeah, because when you pick the person that you mesh well with, you are going to have conflict, because it's two people coming together with two different experiences in life. That's facts. Two different upbringings, two different, mostly, values. Like we might have the same values, but the way we want to get there might be different, you know. Or the way we push ourselves might be different.
Chrissy A.:And it's like if you don't understand who you are and you don't pick a partner that would met, that you will mesh well with, then you do have that codependency and then you do depend on that person. It's not about I'm happy by myself or you happy by yourself. It's more like, well, you're not doing the things that I actually like. So because you're not doing the things that I like. That's still a form of you have to make me happy?
Donisha:yeah, it is. It's like you put you projecting on. Basically, you're projecting because you lack something within yourself, so now you're gonna throw it off on the other person, like this is your responsibility, when all my responsibility is is come here and experience you, because that's what we're here to do is experience each other. So us putting those high expectations up and things of that nature, like I'm not gonna say that, I'm just gonna be like, oh shit, I don't like the way you sit down, I can't fuck with you, like it's not gonna be nothing, like that. I mean, I will give it a chance to give it a try. But that's where the dating period comes. You know what I'm saying. Where you get a feel for that person. You get the experience, you get that trial. You know that seven-day trial? Yeah, all right, I didn't give it a little taste, not like a seven-day trial.
Chrissy A.:Yeah, all right, I didn't get a little taste not like a free trial.
Sir Anthony:I know this ain't for me.
Donisha:You're gonna keep that credit card on fire exactly, and that's kind of what it come down to. And then another thing, um is about self-sabotaging. When you do have something good or someone great for you or good for you, you find any little reason to self-sabotage and be like nah, but what if this go wrong? What if that go wrong? Because, like you, due to past trauma, that's what you sat in.
Chrissy A.:I think that has some sense of normalcy in it, though, because 90% of what our thoughts are repeated every day. Right, so it takes. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. I say it take a little bit longer, but we're going to use the 21 day, all right. However, outside of the point, it's like when I, when I was with you, I never experienced a love like ours.
Donisha:So for me, I'd rather start singing. I want to name something okay who's singing? That's I'm walking. That's my mama. Yeah, that's on my hood I'll kill you, yeah yeah, that's the name of the song yeah, that's why she said it like that thirsty, I kill you, I kill your ass, no, but um, I never experienced a love like ours before.
Chrissy A.:So in the beginning of our relationship, because of all the trauma that I've dealt with in previous relationships, I felt like um, and not even just previous relationships. Even with childhood trauma and my abandonment issues, I felt like I needed to. At certain points, when you wasn't giving me certain attention, that social media tell you how a man and a woman should be and a woman should be, which is absolutely insane, um, absurd. Oh my god, it's so crazy. We'll get to that point in a minute. That's a whole nother topic.
Chrissy A.:Yeah, but when, when you didn't prohibit certain behaviors, that somebody was like uh-uh, he ain't interested in you, like social media would tell me that you was a red flag because of certain things. So in my mind, I was imagining you being a red flag. So, before you could break my heart or hurt me, I was starting to self-sabotage. But I caught it, though, and that's what I mean by it's. You have to sit into your solitude to understand you, to know you, because if I did not sit in that solitude, if I did not spend time by myself, if I did not know who Christiana was, if I did not know I had these childhood traumas. If I did not know I had abandonment issues, I wouldn't have been able to recognize that and we wouldn't even be together right now and I would have made myself believe that you were the problem.
Sir Anthony:What was one of your favorite moments in your solitude and for me, my distraction was I was rebuilding my marketing company and this was around the time everybody started getting their 20,000 and everybody want to start a business and I'm at the beginning and middle stages of that.
Sir Anthony:To help you get after you get your formation of it, you're going to need a logo you're going to need a website marketing yeah, I was setting everybody up getting the trademarks and all of that good stuff done, so I had enough healthy distraction to where I'm building a business, because I already saw the foresight that the unemployment was going to stop. The money was going to stop the um 12, what's a 1400. All of that was going to stop and I'm like I can't be dependent on the government. We all were, because you couldn't go to work unless you were essential worker.
Chrissy A.:I was an essential worker.
Sir Anthony:I was, so I quit on the ass.
Donisha:I quit on the ass too.
Sir Anthony:I got six months of free money, though and I built the business to help me distract myself from that, and that is where I was really. Same thing, cooking um, chilling, um. I didn't go to the gym but, little you know, calisthenics workout at home. And then the little travel that they allowed you to do.
Donisha:Oh, I was gone now I got a question for you. Um, in the midst of all of that, have you ever thought about like seeking therapy?
Sir Anthony:I didn't, no, only she's been big on it. And then that is what's gonna get me into it, because I now I'm seeing the power of it but on my own, I probably wouldn't have went.
Donisha:No, I totally understand, because the same thing for me, like the only thing that encouraged me to go was my ex, like she just kept saying you don't want to. I had the same response all black people have. I ain't, finna, go tell no stranger my business, because that's what we talk. You know what I'm saying. However, them with some other, some of the most rawest, dopest fucking conversations ever, and it's like you telling a person different ways you handle things and they're telling you well, how about you work on it this way? Or all they trying to do is give you suggestions to see what worked for you, because you're going to therapy for yourself, you basically just going there to really be the mirror for yourself. But that was just a question that I had so what was your favorite moment?
Sir Anthony:oh, because that was the question was that I rebuilt the company from what the world was deeming as destruction. We was in pandemic and isolation, but for me, I was having a great time. I was learning new things, I was helping other business owners and I was making a lot of money at the same time.
Chrissy A.:Let's go. The pandemic was my favorite solitude moment too, though I think I can't say mine was.
Donisha:I think I was upset, but my favorite thing, sitting in my solitude, was basically getting to know myself Because, like once again I did say that I didn't know who I was, because I was so codependent on other people for my happiness, for my pleasures and for just life period and my experiences, to the point where, when I was able to sit by myself, I started to okay, donisha, what do you like, who are you? And it helped me really try to like pull back those layers to figure out who I was.
Chrissy A.:I feel like sometimes, when we have our moments of disagreement, that is because we just need a break from each other, like we just need those moments to ourselves. Like one time we had a disagreement and you came in there because you wanted me to finish something and I'm just like I just need a minute, like sometimes you you really do, and you respected my minute that I needed. So I appreciate that you might not have been happy about it, but you respected it and that's all I can ask for. Um, but what I used to do when I was in my previous relationship is I used to go get a hotel room once a month on a weekend. I used to spend a weekend in a hotel room by myself, meditating, praying, listening to gospel and spending time with me and and God. Like that was my replenishing moment, you know, and I still feel like that's essential and that's necessary, like I don't think I should have gave up that.
Chrissy A.:And I know some people might be like you're going to, you're in a whole relationship, you're going to a hotel once a weekend, what you doing? The hotel? No, I literally enjoy the time that I spend with God alone, because I feel like in those moments I hear him clearer and I fast during those times too. So it's just like with my last relationship, those weekends that I spent in that hotel. Every weekend I spent in a hotel. God told me now Chrissy, you know damn well, I didn't put you in this relationship, you forcing it.
Donisha:Yeah let this shit.
Chrissy A.:Go going back to you and how you feel like it would be essential for, even in a relationship with me, for you to have those moments that you can spend alone. Because I hear you talking about how you traveled and how you did this and how you did that by yourself and how you enjoyed it. Because you can move around the way you wanted to move around, like how essential for you is it To still have solitude In our relationship.
Sir Anthony:Yeah, as long as I can go down to Indy and see my homeboy Terry. Yeah, as long as I can go down to Indy and see my homeboy Terry yeah. That's good enough for me.
Donisha:Yeah.
Sir Anthony:Yeah.
Donisha:Okay, can I? Um, can I, because he sound like he was wrapping it up real fast.
Sir Anthony:That's all I'm like, I mean, that's really all I do.
Donisha:That's all you got.
Chrissy A.:Yeah, so you don't think that you need like just space for?
Donisha:you alone. I feel like some of his space is when he in his zone doing his work, because I be hearing you up. I can't answer on my baby while he working. I can't answer on my man. That's what you say. You don't say baby, you say my man, I do. I didn't even know your name for a while because Motherfucker said your name on who, because my fucking said your name, I'm who.
Chrissy A.:Who is that? My man, my man, my man.
Donisha:I was about to tell him my fucking. No, I'm my sister.
Sir Anthony:man, that's who we, my sister man, who is your sister man?
Donisha:Shit, I don't know. Her man, him right there. Just because that's all you say, my man. That's what his name?
Chrissy A.:was. That's all y'all needed to know that that's my man.
Donisha:But for me, with the solitude thing and that's funny that you asked that question about that, because, like that's been a thought in the back of my mind for a while Like I did, like after my breakup, give it time to really just be by myself and actually go through the healing process and things of that nature, you know, to actually that in order to heal. So when it came I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna be honest 100% it came to a point where I was afraid to even open up or feel that feeling, to even try to see if I can love someone again the way that I love you know what I'm saying like it kind of closed me up, especially my heart, because now it's like I gotta protect this shit. That's something I done. Felt that I don't want to feel again, so I was scared. You know what I'm saying.
Donisha:But I know it's inevitable for me to get back out here and start dating and whatever, when, when I'm ready. So when I do start dating, I do want that to be a conversation like when we get in a talking stage you're getting know one another. I want to be able to lay down things what I need or not, what I need or how would. I would like to proceed on me time, because I don't want to lose that me time, because that's one thing that I realize in a lot of relationships, especially nowadays, is we lose that individuality within these relationships. So it's a thing of once you lose that individuality, once that relationship don't work out because, yes, they can be there, y'all could be going hard, strong, good in that moment, but it could just be a season, and once that season is over, then what you know so so that has been another episode of Pure Intentions podcast.
Chrissy A.:I do want to leave y'all with this. It is very, very important that you learn yourself, you know yourself, you understand what it is that you need for you before you actually get into a relationship, and understanding yourself and knowing yourself is breaking down those deep rooted things like your childhood trauma, your adulthood trauma, all your trauma, and understanding your likes, your dislikes all of that past a surface level. I want y'all to continue to be intentional about dating, intentional, loving yourselves, loving other people and relationships. They ain't easy, but they are beautiful. So keep watching us so you can learn more keys and tips and tricks.
Chrissy A.:Well, no tricks, there are no tricks here, but keys and tips on how to be intentional in a dating world. And there we have it. See you next week.
Donisha:Peace.