Pure Intentions Podcast

Rekindling Old Flames: Could It Work or Nah?

• Chrissy A., Sir Anthony • Season 2 • Episode 2

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Can you really rekindle an old flame and make it work? In this episode of the Pure Intentions Podcast, Chrissy A. and Sir Anthony, alongside special guests Alana and Erica, dive deep into the complexities of "spinning the block"—revisiting past relationships. Is it about rediscovering love or falling into a cycle of breakup and reconciliation? 

This candid conversation explores the reasons people reconnect, from personal growth to societal pressure, and even the temptation of revenge. Whether you're considering revisiting a past love or simply curious, this episode is packed with insights to help you navigate the journey with clarity and intention.

Looking for tools to foster honest conversations about your relationship history? Check out our Reignite Old Relationship Conversation Starter Cards, designed to help couples address unresolved issues and deepen their connection:

🔗 Shop the Reignite Deck

🔗 Read More on Our Blog

💬 Would you ever go back to an ex? Why or why not? Share your thoughts in the comments—we’d love to hear your perspective!

Key Takeaways:

  • Revisiting past relationships requires honesty, self-awareness, and clear intentions.
  • External factors, such as children or societal pressures, often influence the decision to reconnect.
  • Personal growth during time apart is crucial to ensuring a healthier dynamic the second time around.
  • Tools like the Reignite Deck can facilitate meaningful conversations about rekindling romance.
Chrissy A.:

It's a controversy of spinning a block. A lot of people think you should not go back to an ex. A lot of people say that they have went back to an ex and now they're married. I did a little research. It's like more people saying that you shouldn't than you should, and I just wanted to know from you guys' point of view have you had good experiences spinning the block, or would you not recommend people to do it? Welcome to the Pure Intentions Podcast, where real love, raw emotions and intentional relationships come together. Welcome back to the Pure Intentions Podcast, where we talk everything relationship from an intentional point of view. I am your host, Chrissy A.

Sir Anthony:

I'm your co-host, Sir Anthony.

Chrissy A.:

And we have two guests today, two of my very, very good friends. You guys have already met Lele a few podcasts ago and introduce yourself. She had to do it it. So that's how you pop your cherry okay, um, formally or informally, all right.

Erica:

Um, my name is erica. I go by lady e. You can find me on ig at ladye, underscore 312 and teach hills classes. I'm also hr manager by day um palms coach. That's my passion project that I do for fun okay.

Chrissy A.:

So today's topic is about doubling back. Now we all do it, it's nothing new. I mean some of you gonna be like, nah, I don go back, but yeah, you done been back at least one, you done spent the block at least one time. So I want to get into that today. First, let's start with going down the line of saying, being honest, have you ever doubled back and how recent was your most recent double back experience? Yes, we is getting getting the end today which end you starting on you that one okay, well, maybe we should start with our guests.

Sir Anthony:

You know what we can, we can.

Sir Anthony:

We can warm them up because they feel like you've been tuning into this podcast that you you know, or maybe you haven't, so let's start fresh. So I was recently engaged and had to break that off, and this was the only person that I ever doubled back with and in that relationship we would break up, get back together, break up, get back together. And I thought at the time it was like some kind of divine intervention because it would be bad breakups but then time to heal and then eventually find our way back.

Chrissy A.:

So you thought it was serendipity.

Erica:

Yeah.

Chrissy A.:

I love that movie that's a nice word, if you guys have not seen that movie. I recommend yeah.

Sir Anthony:

She made me watch it. It's a good watch, see.

Erica:

It's a good watch. See, it's a good movie. I haven't watched it. You should watch it. Okay, got you, I got you.

Chrissy A.:

So for me, I have definitely doubled back. I doubled back with my child's father. I'm gonna leave it like that. I double back with my child's father a few times um, we'll dive deeper into that. The most recent, that was the most recent and that was probably two years ago. Yeah, two years. I was a double agent. I'm crying.

Alana:

I am currently in what's it called Double.

Chrissy A.:

A double and back situation.

Alana:

Spinning the block anonymous. I'm in rehab because, yeah, I tend to be like, hmm, but did I sample that Now you're talking about like full-blown relation? Yeah, I'm in. I'm in Spend the Block Anonymous. And how recently did I spend the block? Um, just a few weeks ago. That's hilarious.

Chrissy A.:

Okay, I was about to say you have to go.

Alana:

All right, all right, all right, I'm a lover girl, let's just start there. And there have been a couple fortunate people that I've spent the block on. Yeah and yes, more recent than other situations okay, so now I want to talk about because it's a controversy of spinning a block.

Chrissy A.:

A lot of people think you should not go back to an ex. A lot of people say that they have went back to an ex and now they're married. Um, I did a little research. It's like more people saying that you shouldn't than you should, and I just wanted to know from you guys's point of view have you had good experiences spinning the block, or would you not recommend people to do it?

Alana:

I feel like there's levels to the block spinach. Like I feel like if it's somebody that you were kind of talking to and it like didn't work out or they were inconsistent or it was just weird, just leave it be, because you know I'm saying like that inconsistency, most of the time guys will come back around because they done something in their life, done failed, and they want to come back and test you out a little bit. Them guys, you gotta kind of lead them, because it ain't meant to be.

Chrissy A.:

If you're for them, they're going to intentionally come full throttle to you how would you be able to like decipher if that person is being intentional about coming back to you rather than someone just trying to get some again because they missed that cat? If it happens, let's be honest, I guess their approach.

Alana:

You know I'm saying if they randomly like wid, it's like, you know, I'm saying, hey, big head. You know I'm saying, right, the habitual block spinners. But if they're like, hey, you know, I know it didn't work out in the past, um, and I think that I was going through a lot and I want to blah, blah, blah, you know. Or if it's somebody like from your past and you feel like, okay, I've grown and I've had an epiphany, you know, maybe try to do that. But if it was something that was toxic, you know I'm saying, and that you had to like escape from or something, and you're thinking maybe that person changed, I feel like no, just keep it moving. You know, yeah, to that I would say like it sounds to me like you got to come correct and not come at all Right. So I guess, for that to explain more about my experience with spinning a block, like for me, I've never, if I've spent the block, I never really closed the door, if that makes sense.

Chrissy A.:

Yeah, yeah.

Alana:

If I close the door, I'm not going back okay um, so there has to be a level of still communication understanding. I mean, people go through things, we evolve at different times in our lives. We understand, we have a mutual understanding of maybe, what transpired and what took place and if I see things that have evolved and changed, then there's potential there, I think. But to speak on, I guess to get a little personal and to speak on how do you discern whether or not it's like intentional or legit and it's not just trying to? You know, yeah, get that cat. Yes, get that cat. Yes, get that cat.

Sir Anthony:

Um, I don't know, I think it's just about the connection that you had with that person mine was a little different okay um, the, the constant going back was a result of business, so we both shared a business and COVID kind of killed it. But then there was opportunities when things went virtual, where a lot of juicy opportunities would come back, and so, you know, it was just too much to ignore the stuff that was coming through the inbox, and so then we got back together as far as doing business, and then of course, business led to naughty stuff and then that led to okay of course, maybe getting that cat, yeah, and getting back together.

Sir Anthony:

So that's what I thought when I said that divine intervention. It's like the opportunities that were land. It was like wow, once in a lifetime kind of thing, how could you not do this? It was almost like we shared a child together.

Chrissy A.:

I was going to say that I was going to be like it's like your business became your baby. So it's hard to separate because it's like we got to stay together for the baby.

Alana:

And that's literally what it was yeah, that's why you got to be careful who you're going to business with not be careful. But you know I'm saying like that's mindful yeah I guess I don't think that people are disposable.

Alana:

Explain I mean so when I get that it could be your baby, but also like it for me. I've only been in like situations where it's been long term Right. So it's not a three month, six month type of situation. I've been a blog, it's been years type of situation. So I don't know, I just feel like it's a fine line with me which is understanding, like whether or not whatever chemistry, whatever connection whatever, not whatever chemistry, whatever connection whatever, I just I don't know like I think I have a hard part a hard time with like letting go um and so, and it's because I don't believe in people being disposable, do you?

Alana:

so it's not about like business or whatever it's about like the time and the connection that I've had with that person.

Chrissy A.:

Do Do you think that people tend to go back back with their exes? Because because typically when you get into new relationships or if you go through a period period of being single, you growing in some sort of way, and sometimes growing is very, very uncomfortable because you have to look at yourself and find faults and reasoning of you know, things that you have to change, and do you think sometimes it may be? Oh well, I didn't really have to change too much about myself with this last person, so maybe I should.

Alana:

Just it's a comfort zone yeah hell, yeah, yeah, I mean it can be it, can be it can be that. You know I'm saying it can be like I was comfortable there. You know I'm saying I don't I'm trying not to shame or bash, but I just think that we grow and mature on different levels. Yeah, so it's not. I don't know, it might not necessarily be a comfort zone, but I think it's something that you might not have learned.

Erica:

I could say me, and that's stupid. We mature slower than you are.

Alana:

Exactly so. You might have not learned what needed to be, and vice versa. Like you learn, vice versa, you learn different things within relationships as you go through those experiences, so I'm with you on that.

Chrissy A.:

Like I get that people go back because it's comfortable. But I don't know no way I had this thought right. Sometimes I had this thought. Sometimes people can go back to a situation when they feel like, um, get it together, Chrissy. When they feel like that they have to prove to themselves that they didn't make a bad decision from dating this person in the first place. So it's like you, you have to prove something like if I, if I go back after a while, it's like I had so much faith in you, I invested so much time in you because I saw so much good in you, and then maybe you had friends. It was like no, uh-uh, that ain't it, that ain't for you. And then when y'all finally separated, it was like damn, like I don't like being wrong. I know this person had something good in them.

Chrissy A.:

Yeah but, then after a while they like baby, I done changed. I want to be better for you. I want to do this again and you like okay, well, let's do it again, because I don't want to be wrong and I saw something in you and I know I did, so let's see if we can do this again. That's interesting.

Alana:

Yeah, I feel like. That's why I feel like it's not black and white. Like there's definitely levels to this.

Alana:

Like me personally. Like I said, there are people who are habitual block spinners that do the WID and I'm just like, yeah, no, I can't do that, it's inconsistent. There are people in my life that I feel like, ooh, but there was good, the good like what you're saying, like, but the good in them, but the good in them. And you know, I have tried to dip my toe in that and most of the time when I dip my toe in that, that water's still dirty and I'm like, ooh, you know what I'm saying. And then, aligned, you know I'm saying, and then there are people, like you said, where I'm like you know, I've grown, you've grown. What we had was, you know, maybe we were just young or maybe whatever, whatever, I want to try that again. So all levels of this block spinach, it's just, it's definitely levels and it's definitely gray areas, or business, or yeah, or forgiveness, or babies, or come on.

Chrissy A.:

That was my problem.

Erica:

That's the only reason why I wanted to make it work with that man.

Alana:

Yeah, that's real.

Chrissy A.:

I'm not going to talk about it. Yeah, we're not. I will, though. I will because I'm going to leave it there.

Alana:

I mean that's a big thing, though, because a lot of people they especially if you've grown up in like for me grew up in a household with one parent and you're like determined, like no, I'm going to make it work for this child. I hear that so much People that are still married today that I know that are like no, we're going to stick it out because you know of these kids.

Chrissy A.:

so and that can be a very toxic situation too, because, even like I, would rather my child grow up in two. I don't. I wouldn't want this, but I would rather it to grow up in two separate households where mom and dad are happy, rather than mom and dad being in the household. And now they seeing love looked forced.

Alana:

Kids prefer that too.

Chrissy A.:

Yes, absolutely my kids was telling me, yeah, he gotta go, mom. Like they was already letting me know. Like this one ain't it, this ain't for you. But I wanted to talk about people spending a block for payback.

Alana:

Oh, that's the nigga trait.

Chrissy A.:

All right, let's go. If you ever got hurt and did wrong, like the pain of being hurt and you sit in there. If it's a nigga, that bitch gonna break up with me, she gonna do that to me. And then when she come back and like, well, babe, I thought about it and I want to be with you again and like, all right, cool and then you're literally plotting yeah on how to hurt her worse than she hurt you or hurt him worse than they hurt you.

Erica:

Yes, it does go both ways. I'm sorry it's not double standard, I'm just saying, but I've heard the term of like what did? I don't want to say no names, what is so? And so say to me she was like you ain't never, I don't know, fucked it away or something like that. Like that's strong, but I get that people do that. Yeah, like you know, that's over. The last time you're going to put it on them and just be.

Chrissy A.:

And ghost them.

Alana:

Mm-hmm. What's his name? Stephan Stephen the love commentator. He talks about that too.

Chrissy A.:

Stephan LaBossiere.

Alana:

Oh him.

Chrissy A.:

Oh, I love him. I met him y'all. I wish I had the picture that we took together like it was, though he'd be writing books.

Alana:

I know he signed, so he talked about so he talked about like if, if, as a guy that's been wanting you for a really, really long time and you finally decide to give him, you know, attention, be careful, because he might be like I'm gonna show her that she ain't all that and she ain't unattainable, and all these what she could have had that's crazy, it's ghetto out here. Yeah, I mean, but at the end of the day it is what it is karma yes, and it's real, it's very real fierce yeah at your least expected moment.

Erica:

Have you ever um tried to get back in a relationship? The way I'm hearing this like this is a thing. Maybe I should have did that, that's not. But so to your point.

Chrissy A.:

Like I, didn't know it was a thing. Like I'm here, like I've heard about different experience. I'm like y'all crazy, like these people are human beings, like you that hurt, but that's people. It's people that are very spiteful and very I think that's my, that's my view of it I think I I did it unconsciously. I was in my 20s, though, like I was very young, early 20s um, it wasn't intentional, I don't think, when you look up, I don't know, you know what they say, no, but it wasn't even like a double back situation.

Chrissy A.:

It was more of a what you said, like Stephon LaBossiere. It was like I was dating girls and you made me do all of this for you and now you want me after all it is now you want me?

Alana:

okay, let's get together hey it'd be like we got in a relationship and it didn't work out yeah I guess not.

Chrissy A.:

It was fun, though it was fun to um all it was fun revenge relationships.

Alana:

That's the time now. Now look, when I broke up with my high school sweetheart and I'm getting specific when this one, cuz you know who cares about him I definitely was like I'm gonna go over there. How, how explicit can I get?

Chrissy A.:

because I was like done.

Alana:

Man. You know he did all type of stuff to make me you know all the F? Inner things, right, f-boy things F way out and we're watching it now. That's your explicit no. No, no, it's a good. Did I call the one? I'm like what, what you doing? He's like he was so excited like oh, you know, I'm just chilling house, I'm gonna come over, right. So I came over, put that thing on him and pretty girl bounced. When I said pretty girl bounce, I mean, before he could even wake up I was gone and he thought things were about to be different. I'm like, no boy, I was just having a good night.

Chrissy A.:

You know what I'm saying so I did do that that happened.

Alana:

Girls is players too early 20s life for sure y'all.

Chrissy A.:

So what is the most difficult thing about starting over with someone, since you guys are like kind of a little bit dabbling dibbling, you said two weeks ago you didn't give a specific time, but you did say recently, yes, so what? What has been the hardest part of trying to start over again?

Alana:

I don't want to say trusting, but that's what that's, that's that's at the tip of my tongue. Um, it's just trusting that it will be. It'll be different this time around, like trusting the things that are actually um being said and the actions, and just being in in hope, not hoping, but just seeing if it's going to be consistent or not, or if it's going to result back to the reason why we ended. Because, again, relationships to me I think it's like three months, six months, a year, you kind of it's different phases and you kind of see people at different time frames, and so, from my experience, I feel like once you get past if you can get past the six months phase, okay, there's something, there's something that's there, but that three years, that's the test, right there.

Chrissy A.:

I think that the thing is when it started over, once you made that decision to give someone another chance, that starting over literally means just that yeah, you have to Be present, you have to literally take yourself from all the past ventures, all the past hurt, all the past pain, and I think that's difficult in itself.

Erica:

So can I speak to that? Because, to your point, that's where the trust comes in, because you expect for that person to mutually understand that and be in that same space. So let's not talk about the past. When things come up that remind you of that past, you have to find ways to communicate that doesn't necessarily put you back in that space, but also that you want to be present and then where you're going.

Chrissy A.:

So I'm the advice that I would give, the advice that I would, the advice that I would give is um to be able to ask those questions. We actually came up with a deck of cards. This is the reignite deck. It was inspired by some friends not gonna say no names.

Chrissy A.:

I was trying not to make eye contact but the reignite deck is good just for that, because having those tough conversations about where the relationship went wrong and how can we move forward and how can what did I do that really actually hurt you and talk about the things that hurt me from my perspective, actually listening- and not listening to respond exactly, but actually listening taking it to understand and taking it in and saying, hey, if we're going to start over first, let's get this out the way.

Chrissy A.:

Let's get this out the way. Yeah, these cards will help you get that part out the way and they're available at pure intentions.

Erica:

314.com period can we get?

Erica:

it. Can we do a little?

Alana:

yeah can I add, though, to like I, because I don't want to double down I think, uh, trust is the number one answer, but I think if you have, if it's been a long time, like, say, you were with someone, and it in like six, seven years has gone by, all of the things that you could have not trusted them for are you're over it, right? I think another thing that is an obstacle is are we the same people, because we've both grown so much individually and we became different people? Are we still the same people that were together before?

Chrissy A.:

yeah, no, that, that is very that is very important. I'm trying to tell y'all those questions like that. That will get you in that mind frame. They're in this deck, so if you're out there and you're thinking about doubling back, spinning the block, reigniting, reigniting I like that because that's the name of the card tag Well, let's get into it. Get these cards on our website.

Sir Anthony:

PureIntentions314. PeerIntentions314.com.

Chrissy A.:

Period. Okay, I just let's just read one.

Alana:

You know, we don't have to necessarily answer the question.

Chrissy A.:

That's lame.

Alana:

I'm gonna answer it. That's lame. I'm going to answer it.

Erica:

That's interesting.

Erica:

Okay, what does quality time mean to you and how can we create more of it? That person, though, but you see it as what we don't know it means a lot to me. Quality time is like one of my love languages. So how you are intentional, how we spend that time, how you make time for me, that's very important, because I reciprocate that energy. So yeah. A planner, don't waste her time. Executor and planner yes.

Chrissy A.:

Did you want to pull one? Yes, did you shuffle I did. The low I time and planning yeah, yeah. Did you want to pull one? Yes, did you shuffle, I did the low.

Erica:

I'll do it again. Okay, I can see it.

Alana:

What's something you love about? We got to pick another one that's like specific to the person. A person, oh yeah.

Alana:

I mean because you technically supposed to be doing this with the person that you're reigniting with so how do you feel about our future together and what are you hoping to see? Oh well, dream man. I feel amazing about our future together. I'm hoping to see an effortless friendship where we can laugh together even after we've been hating each other. You know, because that's real. I'm hoping to see us support each other, continue to grow individually and build something that we can pass on as a legacy.

Chrissy A.:

Period. That's cute. That was so beautiful. I feel like you would talk about my relationship. Aww, okay, hostess, pull a card. Oh no, we was good with that. One more trial. Yeah, let the people know what the cards say I feel like they get it.

Alana:

That was for you.

Chrissy A.:

I ain't trying to reignite nothing.

Alana:

I got my man. Let's just see, Even when you got too mad sometimes you got to reignite that thing.

Chrissy A.:

Oh, are there any fears you have about being vulnerable with me again? How can I help?

Alana:

with that. That's a good one.

Chrissy A.:

Yes, I want to answer. That's not good for the Dublin no. I wanted to answer that's not good for the double and back I wanted an answer from y'all do we qualify like we're not?

Alana:

eligible. Do you have any fears about being vulnerable?

Chrissy A.:

period look you just crossed out that again are there any fears you have about being vulnerable?

Erica:

honestly with me again yeah so I know it's probably hard. It's probably hard.

Chrissy A.:

I feel like we are really vulnerable with each other. I do feel like we have moments, but we always kind of get back. We can always revisit and have those conversations. So I don't have a hard time being vulnerable, which is probably the reason why I'm still here.

Erica:

I'll take it. Are you going to waste my time? Is the fear Right? Because if you're doubling back, the question is if I'm going to be open, vulnerable, honest, all the things, is it mutually going to be reciprocated? I think that's yeah, so your?

Chrissy A.:

fear of being vulnerable. Is that the other? Person isn't going to reciprocate the same vulnerability. Yes, Okay, that makes sense. Or the intentions are not the same right.

Erica:

So, like to your point, you're just trying to get that cat Like. What is your intention Like if I'm being open and vulnerable? Are your intentions aligned with mine?

Chrissy A.:

Because people the thing about intentions is we set our own intentions for our life. So the alignment thing is very important, because I can be intentional about a relationship and not see it the same way you see as being intentional about a relationship and that could that will cause conflict between what we have, which kind of tells you that maybe you shouldn't double back there.

Alana:

Absolutely.

Chrissy A.:

In all honesty. But yeah, these cards again are available on our website, and the reason why I love it is because it's not just all these hard-hitting questions, but they're there because they're important. It's all so fun like questions, questions that you you also need to, because you know relationships are not just serious all the time. Can I laugh with you? Can I enjoy spending my time with you like we don't have to sit here and buy a deck of cards and just be talking about all the bad things that we've experienced, even though we do need to revisit some things to see how we can go back around

Chrissy A.:

if we go to David Buster's and I whoop your butt, are you going to have a great time you?

Alana:

know what I'm saying you and this, david, sorry. Oh, that's a move.

Alana:

I'm a big kid we need big kids and still make money.

Chrissy A.:

Stigmas in doubling back, do you think that there's any stigmas for men versus women, like, can men get away with certain things and trying to reignite a relationship and women what's so certain things?

Alana:

I don't know, you know, can they get away with? I think it depends on the woman. Oh, I'm sorry because I just speak on it. I just rewatched Insecure and the Game, and those both shows are literally entirely about spinning the block. And I noticed that too, because I'm like in both those situations the man well, actually Issa stepped out but like Save the Game, like the man was like, well, you are HOE, but it's like you, the one that cheated and we broke up.

Alana:

You know what I'm saying I don't know, I feel like, especially with women who have, like you know, our friends and our sisters are always going to look at us like girl. You doing that again.

Erica:

You know what I'm saying.

Alana:

And um, whereas I could be wrong. But men are like like, oh, you've been here, you've been?

Chrissy A.:

do they even have those type of conversations like we?

Erica:

just like we do, yeah, like probably not to the extent that you all, but we, I'm gonna say no they have it you have it, but it's in your own, yeah that's true, let me clear it up.

Chrissy A.:

Okay, so we, we girls, so we talk almost about we are vulnerable, we're very vulnerable with each other, exactly like we talk about stuff not to say that guys don't have their bromance and they talk with their, with their fellow friends. But y'all sorry so it's like if that nigga cheated if, if, if.

Chrissy A.:

I got cheated on nine times out of ten, I'm going to call my homegirl and be like this nigga cheated on me.

Alana:

Unless, and we finna put sugar in his gas tank just so you know. Paint on the window. Like do you?

Chrissy A.:

have those conversations with your homeboys, yes or no?

Erica:

Like I just got cheated on yeah, I think they had that conversation it won't be like that, but said like that, but to an extent um man, this whole, she got me look the accuracy alexa, play these hoes ain't loyal on these hoes ain't loyal playlists

Erica:

I gotta fuck nigga playlist honestly. Okay, tell me if I'm wrong. I feel like there is a cold or a level of conversation, like if they get together and it's time to go outside, it's because something ain't going right. Okay, so it's not necessarily openly communicated, but it's what you doing now. It's time you know you.

Chrissy A.:

It is not necessary we, yeah, yeah like bro, what you doing?

Alana:

you giving up the bronco, I know, but it's okay, right on the floor, I know, but it's okay, you can do that. I mean, but it's guys watching.

Sir Anthony:

The whole thing is about being vulnerable and this majority of women is going to watch this and they're going to get the tips.

Alana:

But it's okay if we give it to you.

Chrissy A.:

You can agree or not agree, if we decided to create a podcast about being intentional, then you speak for people that want to be intentional. So you can't want to be intentional one way and not be intentional to tell women like, look, if a man does X, y and Z, she's accurate about that.

Erica:

It probably won't be as voiced as you are. Y'all gonna talk about it. We, bro, meet me up at so, and so we going out tonight and they gonna say we outside where you been, let's go yeah but I'm gonna drink about it okay, and let me let me give you.

Alana:

Let me give you some credit, wait. But no, let me give you some credit because that doesn't necessarily mean that they gonna fuck around or do whatever.

Erica:

That's exactly what it means. No, it's not, because actually no, this actually happens to me.

Chrissy A.:

A woman cheats on you, we be on the same thing though. A woman cheats on you, well, i'ma call you and be like girl we outside.

Erica:

But we not supposed to just have sex with a man? And I don't think they necessarily will, either they might. And I don't think they necessarily will, either they might, I don't know. We gonna get that roster up.

Chrissy A.:

I don't think that some of them will, but I think the majority of men will. I think if they're going to a bar, they're going there because women are at the bar.

Erica:

okay, specifically, if they cheated, that's one thing, but I'm saying like let's just say that they're. There's issues in the relationship. They might not be a cheated situation, they still do that shit, yeah, and that doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to step out, but that's their way of communicating, yeah. Just know, and you know you can talk about it to me. But I'm that friend, that's my girl. Get your heels out. We're going outside. You definitely should.

Chrissy A.:

We're definitely going outside.

Alana:

He did what. What you need is a new roster. Oh Lord, she ain't telling no lie. Sometimes you got to pop out and show niggas, okay, okay.

Chrissy A.:

Pack both of y'all up. Okay, well, back to it, because I do want to talk about the the stigma between men and women. So is there asking you as a man, a woman cheats. It's a rap. Yeah, it's a rap. I'm just like I'm answering the question in my head because I'm not a man. It's so hard on them let the man answer real quick nine times out of ten is done for for the man.

Erica:

We talked about this before so if more often than not, a man will be ready to they pride and ego can't take it.

Alana:

We can't take it so we wouldn't be able to see past it.

Chrissy A.:

I understand the up and leaving, but we're talking about coming back.

Alana:

Oh no, you'll double back you'll double back yeah because lawrence couldn't see isa as a regular girl. For a long time I've been seeing.

Erica:

Issa as a regular girl for a long time I wish we could put the clip in.

Alana:

I know right.

Erica:

No, you keep, we don't get flagged. Copyright and all of that.

Alana:

Issa ain't gonna do that to y'all.

Erica:

She started here too on YouTube. Yeah, she might fuck with Issa, Shut up.

Alana:

Issa.

Chrissy A.:

Think about it All right. Well, you actually experienced doubling back to a cheater so she's telling you did you spill? It did you um? Was it hard to trust her again? Of course do you feel like it caused more conflict?

Sir Anthony:

rightly so, because now you have to prove, you have to gain my trust. Back like she went through extra efforts to do sneaky stuff over some stuff that in my opinion it wasn't worth it. But to each their own. So now I look that situation and it's like, okay, that saved me from some issues, because she was materialistic and she probably would have drained me for everything that I had.

Chrissy A.:

Yeah.

Erica:

And I wouldn't have been able to bounce. Well, I can bounce back from that.

Chrissy A.:

I was about to say baby.

Erica:

But it's like over some little money.

Alana:

Yeah, that's deep, but it's like over some little money, hmm, yeah, hmm, that's deep.

Chrissy A.:

That's all the questions you had. Did y'all want to?

Erica:

respond to the whole stigma between I don't know. I think it's interesting because there's definitely a stigma. I just I think I just don't appreciate it. Yeah, because at the end of the day, it's still the transaction, it's still the exchange of the same thing. I do understand pride and ego and how that may look, or they're no longer, you no longer view them in that same light. But at the end of the day, there's nine times out of ten women, women who take let's just talk about if you get married and the man steps out, nine times out of ten the women ain't going for a divorce yeah we'll set you back we're gonna burn your clothes and your favorite car.

Chrissy A.:

Some light that shit on fire.

Erica:

But let the roles be in reverse. Right it's, I need a divorce and to me it's just like. To me it's just I don't, I don't know. I guess I'm putting my emotions and feelings into it Like I don't, I don't like it, I don't fuck with that, so go ahead. So I've had situations where I was dealing with someone who was a multiple cheater, like they were a serial cheater, you know, cheated numerous and countless times. And then I have my one little step out and the distraught like they just like are torn to thigh vagina.

Chrissy A.:

I've even had a situation look in the fucking mirror.

Alana:

I've even had a situation where I'm like, okay, I see, you know, we're young, you obviously can't stick to just one thing right now, so why don't we just have an open situation? But the thought of me also being open was just too hard on that person. That's so good. That's another topic the doubling I'm going to let you have it no, go ahead, go ahead because now that made me think of, like, do men just double back because they don't want to see that woman with someone else?

Erica:

oh, that's possibilities that is absolutely possible. Y'all gonna be real.

Chrissy A.:

It's one of many possibilities so my situation of me doubling back with my child's father, it was absolutely a hundred percent he didn't want to see you happy, you want me.

Alana:

Yeah, he just didn't want me.

Chrissy A.:

He just didn't want to see me with someone else. And I noticed that because anytime I did get with someone else, entertain someone else who he felt completely threatened by, I get a whole up version of him, like don't call me. For nothing I could, I could be stranded on expressway. He'd be like call nigga you just went on a date with. Yesterday, I just met him on that dating app. Call this nigga, I don't even want to talk to him, you know. So I'm only speaking. I feel like we speak from experience. So with my experience, I'm going to say a good 80%, 85% of these niggas just don't want to see you with nobody else. How do?

Alana:

you? How do you know if that's the case for the people?

Chrissy A.:

how do you know that a man is only with you because he doesn't want to see you? It's, it's, it's. I feel like men show the same signs. If he's not giving you the time, if nothing, if everything is still the same.

Chrissy A.:

For me, it was mostly mostly um, like you said, it's hard to gain my trust back because of what you did, but he was getting agitated because he had to work to gain my trust back. It had. It was supposed to be easy to him because he really don't want me, he really don't want to work for it. He just want me to just come in and say I'm here, I'm the old Chrissy again for you. When a man doesn't show that he's intentionally there for you, when he doesn't show that he's willing to go through the I don't want to say backlash, because we use that word in such a negative light but the trauma that I have experienced and what that, come on, help me out y'all. I went through trauma with this man, so my responses to you aren't going to be the same. If you can't handle my responses to you, then you don't want me that full accountability.

Alana:

Have accountability, yeah, or just a consideration, a little bit, yeah, and it's like, oh sorry, it's also that thing of like when a man really loves you unconditionally, he don't care. Well, he cares, but regardless of where you place him in his life, in your life, especially if it's to fault of his behavior, he's going to stand there. You call and you want to express what he going to be there. He don't care who you dating tomorrow, who you dating yesterday. I think that's also a thing. You know what I'm saying. I mean, he cares Let me not say doesn't care, but he's not just going to be like.

Chrissy A.:

He cares more about your safety your well-being and he does about his pride. There we go. That that's what it is, because I've had that experience too. I've had it with a guy that that really does or did don't talk to him no more, but did care about me so much that when I was into a new thing and I was stranded, he and I called him. All I had to do was call him and he came, and if he couldn't come he was going to call somebody else to say hey, I need you to go get chrissy. She such such like that's how it was and that's what I mean like when a man care, he shows up and he shows the fuck out what if it's just in them to be that person like he feel like a like that's just in his nature.

Erica:

That's the person that his mother, like the mother, raised like it just is a kindness thing. It might not necessarily. I'm just saying women.

Erica:

It might not necessarily but if his mother raised that, he is for you.

Chrissy A.:

He's just a good man but see if his mother raised him to be that way.

Chrissy A.:

She raised him out of love. Yeah, so that means what he knows is love.

Alana:

Yeah that's real. And you know, and you know that guy, because you're gonna call him, because you know he's gonna show up.

Chrissy A.:

You know I'm saying that's not to say he gonna show up and get back with you. There we go, because those Because those are two different things, like a man and a woman can care about you, but not be intimate or in love with you.

Alana:

Yeah, for sure, because I'm that person. You know what I'm saying. There's a lot of people that can call me right now and need me, and I will be there, but I ain't get back with you.

Chrissy A.:

Likewise, yeah, you can't call me. Don't fucking call me. Call me, Because soon as I see you call me, I'm like Tony answer this phone. I don't know what that nigga want.

Erica:

The mic's still going, I can't even whisper. I know that's right, okay. So I wanted to say, because we were talking about intentions and how do you know if that person, if you should double back or all of that, what if, like they like, give a little and then pull back, give more and then pull back. Jesus, give a little more and then pull back.

Chrissy A.:

So they're dangling a carrot in front of your face, can?

Alana:

I answer and then pulling it up to see how far you're going to jump.

Chrissy A.:

I want to just let people see how far you're going to jump to catch the carrot, yeah.

Alana:

The inconsistency. I think there's a conversation where you're just first open, like, listen, I'm trying to, this is how I feel and what I want from this situation. It seems like you're pulling back, do you not? It are, you, are, we on the same page. And then if that converse you know if that does not change after that conversation and you got to keep it moving because they may say, you know, yeah, I do want that, but I'm just having these fears or these reservations, like that's their floor to open up and say how they feel what's going on. But if they don't got no answer, or they perpetrate and like, oh yeah, I do want this, but their actions are not matching yeah, yeah, because baby actions speak louder than words.

Alana:

Yes, I think that's why I thought about that question, because it's not necessarily like to your point. They might still show up for you in certain ways because there's still love there, but like it's not consistent. Yeah when it needs to be, yeah. So that's another sign. I think out there that you should be aware of.

Chrissy A.:

Thank you for that. That was good. That was good. You brought some good questions. You know I try.

Alana:

I hear you.

Chrissy A.:

So what I would say is do you guys want to give advice to our listeners? Just to close out, sum up anything, Anything that's on your heart, on your mind. It doesn't matter what it is. It don't even have to be about doubling back, just I'll go.

Erica:

Um, no matter what you decide to do, I think you should follow your heart. Um, be mindful, be self-aware, but give yourself grace and whatever decision you do decide to do, and make sure you're checking in with yourself, not looking for outside validation, but checking in with yourself and what makes you feel happy, what makes you feel at peace within any relationship, different world, a different time with social media and just a lot of different things. And we're looking for validation or approval or points to prove from everybody else within yourself. So I think, no matter what the situation is, you got to figure out your center was right for you and not compare yourself to everybody else's situation. That's my advice. I love it.

Erica:

I would say make sure that what you're seeking is seeking you. As far as us talking about consistency and things like that, because you know it is in our nature to run to where we're comfortable to. So make sure that you are getting outside your comfort zone. So make sure that you are getting outside your comfort zone. Make sure that you're asking sources, be it God, the universe, whoever you seek to for guidance and meditate on things.

Erica:

Don't just kind of jump to things or hop in things, especially if it does not feel right. Your body and your mind and your spirit will tell you what's right and what's not right. And your spirit will tell you what's right and what's not right. And especially if it's a toxic situation where someone is disrespecting you, being abusive be it emotionally, physically or spiritually that's never something that you need to go to. Always know your worth and what you deserve and always be ready to elevate what you deserve. Yeah, maybe I was in that space last year, but now I know what I deserve and what I don't deserve, and you are not it.

Erica:

Don't do it in general. That's the answer. But if you feel it in your gut and both parties changed and you can discuss it, give it a well, um, what I would you get?

Chrissy A.:

you guys said basically everything, but what's on my heart, in my mind right now is everybody will have their opinion about you, about your life, about the things you accept and won't accept. You can listen, but you don't have to take it. I would double back from what Elena says. Make sure you're meditating, make sure you're praying, make sure you're asking for guidance, because it's hard to do it alone, and I know that a lot of people say, oh, don't tell people your business. But when you have great friendships, when you have people that you can trust in your circle, I feel like not people, that's going to just, yes, man you to death, but people, those people and I guarantee you that the guidance will, will get you where you need to go.

Chrissy A.:

God bring people in your life for a reason, okay, so don't listen to all of social media. Be intentional about everything you do and take some time to yourself, like I know, people say it all the time, but it's so, so essential to building strong foundations loving you, learning you, learning what you will and won't accept, standing on that. It comes from within. It comes from spending time with you nobody can love you more than you can.

Chrissy A.:

So that would be my advice, and this has been another episode of the pure intentions podcast and he takes people out of your life for a reason period.

Erica:

The rejection is for a redirection.

Chrissy A.:

Period, and we will have them back really soon without this guy, though, but they will be back really soon. So stay tuned and see you guys next week.