#51 - #2 Floyd Jones talks studio drama, Kill Tony, Captain Spaulding Dave Chappelle Roan

Episode #51 of Good Times Noodle Salad brings back Floyd Jones for his second appearance, and it’s straight chaos from the jump.

Matt and Floyd get into the ongoing studio drama that might force a move, plus the realities of traveling for comedy and trying to get stage time on the road. Floyd breaks down his experience performing on Kill Tony, and Matt talks about still being a Joe Rogan fan despite all the controversy.

The conversation takes a turn into mushrooms, watching the Beastie Boys, and a mix of completely unhinged topics including Captain Spaulding, Dave Chappelle, and Chappell Roan.

No structure, no filter—just comedy, stories, and a whole lot of malarky.

Drop a comment with your favorite moment and subscribe for more episodes.

#podcast #comedy #killtony #joerogan #standupcomedy

Transcript

SPEAKER_08 0:36

Although I am recovering from alcohol, I'm gonna hit the pen a couple times because what weed.

SPEAKER_04 0:41

Nice. Yeah, yeah, I'll fucking.

SPEAKER_06 0:43

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_08 0:46

Dude, uh, so I've talked about this a hundred fucking times on the podcast already. What color, dude? I appreciate it. What uh you got a color preference? We're gonna land Ooh, the red kind of looks dope with the fucking jersey. That's what we're doing.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

Fuck the Sabres.

SPEAKER_08 1:07

Hell yeah. Uh so I've I've talked about this a million times on the podcast already, but there's drama in the building. Drama in the building! We uh so I had my kids here for Nick Stevens episode. And uh musician. Musician, yeah. Yeah, and uh, so he uh I set my kids up out in the hallway, threw them in some lawn chairs, gave them their switches. I'm like, just play your switch, we'll be done in a couple hours. If anything happens, let's see how it happens. It just helps me fucking lock in. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But uh, so I I put the kids out in the hallway and I'm like, you know, just play your switches. If anything happens, come get us. Like you're allowed to come get us, you know. But but if there's not something that needs to be talked about, stay out of the studio and you know, we'll be done in a couple hours, no big deal. And then we're wrong. We get it feels wrong, can't do it. So, like, an so like an hour and a half into the podcast, all of a sudden I'm hearing fucking shit and fucking bullshit and fucking coming from the hallway. Yeah, yeah. The only people that are in the building, other than me, Paige, and Nick Stevens, are my kids. So I'm like, what the fuck is going on out there? So I I run out there and it's the fucking landlord. And he's flipping out screaming at one of the other tenants because what happened was he I think I think he drove by and saw that all the lights were on, or somebody told him all the lights were on at the building. Okay, and so he sent a new maintenance guy to the building at eight eight o'clock at night to come shut all the lights off and check all the doors. No one knows this fucking guy. So uh do you want a koozie?

SPEAKER_04 2:46

Uh I don't know. I mean, it's um I just saw a band last night called Loose Koozies, so this is uh ironic. Shout out to Loose Koozies.

SPEAKER_08 2:53

Hell yeah. That was uh this podcast should be called Tight Koozies because it's hard to get them in there.

SPEAKER_04 2:58

Tight Koozies, yeah, I know, dude. That's probably where they got the joke from. They were like, there is no loose koozie, there is no relaxed koozie.

SPEAKER_08 3:05

Fucking uh so I I yeah, so what I think happened with that the the random maintenance man? Yeah, so the landlord finds out that all the lights in the building are on, which is because we're fucking here doing a podcast.

SPEAKER_06 3:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 3:20

So he calls a new maintenance guy and says, Hey, go over to the building and shut all the fucking lights off. So he goes over to the he comes here to the building, starts shutting lights off, starts checking doors and shit. And one of the other stores, like one of the stores in the building, sees this on the security cameras and is like, what the fuck is this guy doing? Like someone got in the building. So he rushes up here and is like, hey, who the fuck are you? Oh, I'm a maintenance guy. I don't know you, dude. Get the fuck out of my store. I'm just here to shut the lights off. Whatever the fuck, however it shook out. And then he's like, I'm gonna call the cops on you. I don't know who the fuck you are. I'm calling the cops. And so he calls the landlord, and the landlord comes up here, and they're all fucking screaming at each other in front of my seven and eight-year-old who are sitting in lawn chairs while we're doing a podcast.

SPEAKER_04 4:03

Yeah, they're probably loving it. They're just eating popcorn, they're just fucking hermit teeing it, just like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 4:08

Dude, I wish that's how they took it. They were scared because they're uh it's a I mean, the landlord's a big guy, you know. He's a fucking kid.

SPEAKER_04 4:14

Seeing two grown men possibly about to fight each other is kind of a horrific sight.

SPEAKER_08 4:19

Like as a seven-year-old?

SPEAKER_04 4:20

Yeah, as a seven-year-old, you're like, what the fuck is about to because you always imagine they're just gonna like throw one guy into the like a kids into the kids, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like wrestling style.

SPEAKER_08 4:29

Dude, I was fucking, I was so mad. I was like, I so I go out there and I'm like, what is going on? And he like he goes, he turns it on me. I found out all the details of the he turns it on me, he goes, Are you shutting the lights off? I go, I'm fucking here, dude. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm here in the fucking building. That's why the lights are on. I'm like, you're running around yelling in front of my kids, scaring my kids for lights? Get the fuck out of this hallway. And they left, but then he hasn't said a word to me since. You'd think the guy would have some class and be like, hey, sorry, that happened in front of your kids. This is what was going on. No landlords, uh class.

SPEAKER_04 5:03

Hey, hot jake, landlords, not the greatest people. Am I just I'm not even shitting on anybody who owns property and became a landlord through good things, but a lot of landlords aren't really there to scumbag. Yeah, yeah. It's like having a nice manager. Yeah. Like, I mean, yeah, my manager's cool, but like until he doesn't anymore for too long, and then all of a sudden he's fucking ricked the time clock. It's like right.

SPEAKER_08 5:28

Yeah. So that was the first thing where I was like, I'm kind of done with this place. I don't want to give this fucking douchebag money anymore. You know, walk around screaming in front of kids. And then this fucking retard leases the hallway to a store. So we wait, like we have like 40 feet here, right, of a of a studio. And when I rented this place, I was told that the entire frontage of the studio is also mine. So I can put out furniture, I can put out like a merch rack, blah blah blah, right?

SPEAKER_04 5:58

Oh, like in the hallway.

SPEAKER_08 5:59

In the hallway. So then we always put out this sign that says shush, we're recording, which is like a fucking it's literally a picture we printed out this at the library. It's a James Stewart with a set of finger a finger on his lips. Oh, yeah. John Stewart, John said the daily show is one of the and it just says, Shush, we're recording. It's just like a fucking, you know, like we don't have an on-air. Colbert, I think that's Colbert.

SPEAKER_04 6:20

I think the irony of Colbert shushing someone and then what they did to him is kind of funny. The universe, the universe does crazy things.

SPEAKER_08 6:28

But uh, so we we go to put that out because we're getting ready to record, and then this lady who's been painting a fucking dresser out there for like a month comes over to us and she goes, Hey, you're not gonna put that in my store. I'm like, What are you telling? Like, I couldn't even understand what she was saying. It made no sense to me. And she's like, You're not gonna put that there. I'm like, Well, I well, I need to let people know that we're in here and recording. And she's like, Well, that's the thing, is that I have a store here now, and I'm not gonna tell my customers and I to be quiet. And uh, we play music and we're not gonna stop playing music, and you know, like we're gonna play music and we're gonna I'm not gonna tell my customers that they need to be quiet because you're here. I'm like, fucking what? And she's like, Well, I was told that you're only here in the middle of the night anyway. I go, Well, that's not fucking true. I rented 24-7, right? So I'm here whenever the fuck I want to be here. And then she tapes a letter to my door. Classic, classic letter to me. And it's a fucking full-on fake, nice Karen letter that's like chat GPT generated, where it's like, I just hope that we can have we can foster a healthy working relationship together. And I and I and I'm diligently looking forward to fucking speaking with you about this. And you know, I just want everything to be positive, but all of the meat of the letter is basically this is the way it is, because this is my fucking office now, and you will comply. And here's my hours, and you can and you can record after my hours unless I have a special event going later than my store hours, but I'll give you a heads up about those. Oh, so after 7 p.m. six days a week, I'm allowed to be in my office that I pay for.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

Yeah, it's bullshit. I'd be like, I have papers that you completely co-act all like this is bullshit. It's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_08 8:19

It's it's the most asinine bullshit of all time. And and and then to like frame it as like we're gonna work together and have a healthy, positive relationship. I'm like, bitch, you're you're literally saying you're gonna get your way. You are not gonna be courteous to me. You're telling me I'm not allowed to put out a sign that says on air or that her customers need to be quiet.

SPEAKER_04 8:38

That's hey, hey, as much as I shit on landlords, fuck tenants too. Dude, you guys are you guys are being pricks too, okay? So I'm I'm the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_08 8:46

Fuck that bitch. I'm I will drag her name and the landlord's name for the rest of fucking time over there. This is fucking bullshit. It's fucking bullshit. It's Erica Kirk. He's like, oh no, no, it was Drewski. It was just Drewski dressed up like Erica Kirk.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

Like the whole thing, you're just being punked. Oh dude.

SPEAKER_08 9:02

I wish that's what fucking happened because I used to come here and be excited to be here, man. This place felt cool when we first started here.

SPEAKER_04 9:09

But now you feel like Alanis Morset's gonna start playing really loud while you're recording just out of spite. Right, right, yeah. Like sweet and you're like, why? Why?

SPEAKER_08 9:19

And knowing how fucking petty this broad is, she probably would put her fucking speakers right outside my window. Which I got a fucking half stack right there, and I got death metal on my phone. I will win.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

Dude, if you guys started like a just stranger things rock off and you're just floating in the air just so I can play guitar. That's so great. I mean, I get that.

SPEAKER_08 9:37

I've always salty as fuck about this whole situation, man.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

Hey man, sometimes though, that's kind of life being like, hey, maybe you should be in a place where you know there's things for your eyeballs around it. Cause I drove up here, driving up here is always so funny. I forget how fucking far it is. Where are you coming from? I'm coming from fucking like like uh the Ferndale, like Royal Oak area. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 10:00

So it's not that bad.

SPEAKER_04 10:01

I was at fucking laser, but no, I'm farther over. What's right over there? I guess I would say I'm trying to think of what's smack dab over there. Nothing. I mean, it's really are you close?

SPEAKER_08 10:12

Are you close to stick? Uh stick movies?

SPEAKER_04 10:15

Kind of, like, but I'm all the way like down. So he's like I'm basically like uh nine mile and ninety-four.

SPEAKER_08 10:21

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's what is it, 40 minutes or something?

SPEAKER_04 10:25

It was 40 today. It was funny, I looked it up earlier and it was like, it'll take you an hour, and I was like, oof. So I set an alarm so I would be here like an hour, like I could get here early. Yeah. And then I I woke up, I took a nap, and I woke up at like fucking like 4 45 to my alarm, and I look up how long it'll get here, and it's 40 minutes now, and I was like, oh, so it's just gonna thank God that that this rolled up like this, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But no, I saw like uh I forget what that bird is. It's just like a dark bird, just like the size of what looks like a uh a less fancy peacock. I forget what this bird is, but but I saw it by like a like a fueling center. That I was driving by the fueling center, and it felt like I looked into like a mystical movie where like a director had to order. Well, you said it was dark.

SPEAKER_08 11:12

I I thought you were talking about sand hill cranes at first, but it's it might have been.

SPEAKER_04 11:15

It was it was it was a super dark bird, but it was big as fuck.

SPEAKER_08 11:18

Did it have real long legs? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

It was tall, they shit. It looked like it looked like a a lumpy kid. Like you ever see a kid that's just got like Cartoon Network 90s body? You know, that's pretty much and I was like, I've never seen this bird is never in places with stuff.

SPEAKER_08 11:36

Right. Was it one of these guys? But it's not dark, that's what's throwing me.

SPEAKER_04 11:41

It kind of looked like that, but yeah, it was dark.

SPEAKER_08 11:43

Like that guy? Like that guy more, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:46

But I'm talking like Jet Black, which was sweet. I was like, Oh, I don't know if it's a sandhill crane. It was a super dark crane.

SPEAKER_08 11:51

There might be fucking black sandhills. Oh, there is a black sandhill crane. Oh, that's dope. Okay. The more you know.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

But it's just, I mean, because look, I'm not gonna act like I'm not a city guy through and through. Like I've always just been and not the city, but like small town. Like this is funny because this, like, there's like no gas stations. I was like, I've never been somewhere where I have to be like, is there gonna be another gas station? Or for a while.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Because like the burbs is just like gas station, McDonald's, gas station again.

SPEAKER_04 12:20

And then they just hit that loop, yeah, and you're like, you feel like you're at home. You're like, there's another McDonald's.

SPEAKER_08 12:25

They just copy and paste it and like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, all the way up and down fucking Grash it in Woodworth.

SPEAKER_04 12:31

Yeah, it's crazy, dude.

SPEAKER_08 12:32

Yeah, like from the freeway 59 all the way through Pontiac to get to the other side when you get into Waterford. It's like there's no gas stations.

SPEAKER_04 12:41

Yeah, they're just like, hey man, I hope you have Jesus. You need faith more than you need like fucking gas. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 12:49

Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_04 12:51

But I kind of like it because the seclusion's probably fucking chill. You don't have to worry about shit traffic, but then you gotta cut through shit traffic to be here.

SPEAKER_08 12:57

Yeah, see, we were do we were looking at uh getting an off. You could put that on like on the notepad or something, so you don't have to put it on the ground, dude.

SPEAKER_04 13:04

Well, dude, I'm so paranoid. I appreciate you being jackassedly, like I had a DJ mixer I loved once, and I set just a stout like craft beer on it, and I like got up, I hip the dresser it was on, it was like and just smoked this DJ mixer like amazing, and I was like, fuck my life.

SPEAKER_08 13:24

So I've been trying to I appreciate you, but you're good, dude. You'd be fine. Worst case scenario, I'll grab the zoom and fucking throw it up in the air, we'll be good to go. But uh just start juggling it. Yeah, yeah. Dude, uh, we we were with with us moving, we were thinking about going to Royal Oak just to like get into a better place like for having artists on. Because it's like we haven't had a lot of we haven't had any issues with people being like, dude, that's too fucking far. But like we have had a couple of people like not refuse to come, but just be like, oh man, can't you do Zoom? And I'm like, no, I don't do Zoom.

SPEAKER_04 13:58

Well, no, I mean the beauty, well, I I mean, even outside of that, I think you'll just already be like touching the vein of it way more. I mean, right now, that that Royal Oak area, that's basically where people go when they've decided they do want to like take their lives seriously. Because like Ferndale is just super fucking fun and everybody's just like an artist. It's it's the classic Bohemia fucking tropes. Yeah. But you meet a lot of fucking cool people. Like I met a lot of cool people like that play music at New Way Bar. Like two of my buddies are in the band Rose Saint Germain, and they were at Lagerhouse last night for an album release party, and that's where I saw Loose Coozies. And what was the other one? Uh I'm gonna rate these. Oh my god, it was like uh Motor Smut. Oh, what was their name? They were such a good band. But I'm not gonna pull out my Jamie. Look that up. But uh dude, and uh but no, I mean I met them at New Way Bar just chilling there. Yeah, like I was sitting there at the bar, and I think I made a joke to just another guy next to me because Is it Rose like the flower? Yeah, Rose Saint Germain, G-E-R-M-A-I-N-E. I'm gonna look at these guys up.

SPEAKER_08 15:11

I'm always looking for new people to invite on the podcast, dude. I I fucking love talking to musicians and comics.

SPEAKER_04 15:16

So well Brandon's cool because um I met I mean this is back in like fucking probably when I first started doing comedy seriously in like 2021. So this is probably this is probably 2021, maybe 2022. Yeah, at best. And uh he was like, Yeah, dude, I run this record label where I rent out a room at the Russell and then I just press records and like have people do studio shit. And I went there because he was like, Oh, you do comedy? And I was like, Yeah, and I make music, I make beats and shit. And he was like, and I was like, I thought it'd be cool to press a cassette of I should have brought it too. I should have brought you the cassette and been like, ha. Um I'll get it to you though. I'll get it to you somehow, someway. Hell yeah. But it's a cassette where I made beats and then I put like little recorded bits I had on top of that, just audio from like sets I had done. Yeah. So faintly in the background, it's like you're in just this weird world. Because I mean, I think of my joke still as just me talking. Like people just were like, Oh, that's a funny joke, and I was like, No, that's a harsh reality. But I've flipped so far in the world of harsh reality that they're like, that was funny.

SPEAKER_08 16:27

I like that. Well, kind of is it like lo-fi? Because that might be a fucking vibe.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

Yeah, I mean, dude, it's a it's a trippy cassette. Like I said, I'll get you one. It's like the fucking uh I'll send you the link.

SPEAKER_08 16:35

Dude, hell yeah. I want it, I I want to listen to it. Like the uh it's like your Andre 3000 flute album, you know? Like you got this like these like lo-fi beats where you're just telling jokes over it.

SPEAKER_04 16:46

Dude, it's because I want it to be like trippy. Like, I love movies like Blade Runner and shit, where you know, like everybody looks like they're saying something cool, probably. Yeah, like that's kind of how I see comedy. It's very much like a background thing. I think it should be done over music. Like get the fuck out of here, dude. I'm serious. Like, if there was like a jazz band, fucks it up. Dude, if there was a jazz band though behind you and you were just saying some more intense shit, it's just whiplash. And people were like, oh boy. Because I mean that's what the roots is. It's just like changed the game on what what we're gonna say and do to people and rap beams. My idea is a man now, dude. I mean, imagine you and the president are the only people being accused of being like pedophiles, and you're like, it had to be me in a time like this. Oh, it's so funny. I mean, I remember Degrassi to think of like this kid who got handicapped in a school shooting on the show. Right. To think of him now and like the infamy and the it's the I I'm not sure if we're keeping up with the chaperone hate, but it's so funny, man. People just being like, What did she do? She she allegedly made a kid cry. That is that is literally not even that. And then they were like, sorry, her security guard made this kid cry, but it's a famous kid. Like it's a it's kid, its parents are famous. Like it's like Jude Law's stepdaughter or some shit. And that just another.

SPEAKER_08 18:25

She was like, the kid wanted to like talk to nobody. Look, dude, there's Chappell, by the way. I thought it was Chappelle that's whole talk.

SPEAKER_04 18:33

Dave Chappelle Roan. I thought it was Chappelle. Actually, Dave Chappelle. Her god given name is Dave Chappelle.

SPEAKER_08 18:40

That's why he dresses like a fucking geisha. Yeah, yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_04 18:43

He gets offset and he just rips off this giant black man outfit to reveal he's Chapel Roan. Dude, that'd be that'd be a crazy plot twist.

SPEAKER_08 18:55

Fuck yeah, dude. Oh man, I got a fucking I got a showcase Tuesday at my at Mark Ridley's. Oh yeah. That's fucking nerve-wracking, dude. I I was I I ran through my set this morning there. Yeah. It's a seven-minute set, and I was like, this is so weird to be on this stage where I've seen like some of the biggest names in comedy come through here, and my stupid ass is going up.

SPEAKER_04 19:17

Dude, that's what comedy is funny as for. Like it's the the the difference between because you shake hands with so many like real people.

SPEAKER_06 19:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

Like like I was talking about when me and my old lady had gone to fucking New York, and we see like Dave Vitel, we see Ari Shafir and all them. And in the like the basement one, like the tiny one. We see them in there, and then we ended up getting to see the big one, the big room, like on a whim. Literally, we're walking up to the door, and the lady's like, Hey, I need two people for with this show. Somebody just dropped, and I go, right here, like perfectly like universe shit. Yeah. And yeah, me and my old lady, and and they sat us right next to where all the comedians were standing before their sets. And I I'm sitting right here, and she's sitting right there. So I just turn and it's just Shane Gillis.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

And I'm like, Oh, dude, fuck yeah, dude, you're the man. And he's like, Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:09

Jordan Jensen, uh Lover. What was uh uh Josh Johnson, uh Ryan Hamilton, Fortune Themster. Holy shit. And mind you, I'm two feet away. So like the cellar? This was at the comedy cellar, because they have two different locations, they have multiple locations, but like the ones with the comedy cellar backdrop, there's one little one, like a one tiny room that you walk down the stairs to. Yeah. But then they've got one that's like a whole restaurant, the olive tree and shit. Okay. And that one's like a good size. Yeah. I might even be no, I think the olive tree is.

SPEAKER_08 20:40

Oh, how big how big do you how do you how big do you think the the main cellar room is? Is that like a 400 seater?

SPEAKER_04 20:46

The main cellar. I would not say that at all. Oh, you're talking about the no no the original, the original one probably shit, probably has a capacity of like a buck fifty. Okay. I mean, like standing room and how you know how comedy clubs pack people in. Yeah. But yeah, and the other one though was like big as fuck. Yeah like we were sitting, like, like that's why I was able to see the comedians. They've like behind me was no one. I bought a seat that was like right next to where the kitchen's cooking stuff. Yeah. So, but mind you, I'm like, this is still dope. It's funny too, because I mean I recorded that show like audio style. Like, fuck you guys. I don't know, it's America. Like, I mean, and I'm not gonna like try and ruin anybody's life from it. Yeah, I do it to be like, oh, I get to listen to this set again.

SPEAKER_08 21:29

Yeah, and don't blow up the sets, obviously. Well, I mean, you're a comic though, so you know, it's like you're gonna post it on YouTube and fuck up their you know what they're gonna do on a special in a year, you know.

SPEAKER_04 21:38

Like I saw Jessel Nick recently, yeah, and and I was what last June at his thing in LA, he's got a monthly show. Okay, so I saw him and I'm sitting like from me to you, but he's on a stage because they seat you by who stands in line. Okay, like literally front row, bro, bro, bro, broom. So I counted up how many people were there, and I like backed up like a guy or two, and I was straight. Straight up centered with Jessel Nick because I was the seventh ticket sold. Hell yeah. Like people in LA are like, I'll see Anthony Jessel Nick at the comedy store or whatever. But like I got to see like almost an hour of Jesslinick with particular people he picked. Like I got to meet LP from Run the Jewels because I went to see Jessel Nick. Dude, and then the the DJ was uh house shoes from Detroit. Like he's he's in the background in eight mile. He's this giant white dude who is a beast in the the the Detroit hip hop game. I have to say a white dude because right now everybody's imagining a black guy, but DJ House Shoes is like legendary. And I like walk in there.

SPEAKER_08 22:37

What a name for a white guy, by the way. Dude, DJ House should be a good thing. No white people know what house shoes are unless they make friends with Puerto Ricans. Exactly, dude.

SPEAKER_04 22:43

He's probably Puerto Rican, honestly. I feel bad for even calling him a white guy now. How corny is a lighter skinned black man.

SPEAKER_08 22:48

How corny is he? Is his is his profile picture on Facebook say like blessed in a bar?

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Oh no, no, never, dude. DJ House Shoes, he came from the world of like you're not shit, really. Like, we do this because we love this. Yeah. And that's our like payment. Yeah. You know, like he'll shit on people for being assholes like all the time. He'll just be like, Are you serious with this shit? Yeah. Just anytime something weird will happen in like music.

SPEAKER_06 23:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

He's like, this shit weak as fuck. Like that uh Timberland shit. When Timberland was like, Oh yeah, we're gonna we're gonna probably uh use AI to make some music, we're gonna make like an AI artist. And everybody was like, No, Timberland, don't do it. I know that that's fucking lame. Yeah, dude. He was like, You guys, chill out. Suno's got good things for us. And he like took some guy's music and like remixed it through Suno like on a video, and the guy was like, I never authorized this.

SPEAKER_08 23:37

Yeah, that's fucking ridiculous, dude. To be an artist who like that guy's been producing music for fucking 30 years, to be in that world and then be like, Oh, I'm gonna be part of the problem. Like, what a what a fucking scumbag. I didn't know that was happening.

SPEAKER_04 23:51

Yeah, dude, it was brutal.

SPEAKER_08 23:52

I mean, like, hip hop's always had sampling and stuff, and maybe they could maybe people might justify it by saying, like, oh, it's just like the next iteration of what hip hop has always been, which is sampling other people's shit and making it your own.

SPEAKER_04 24:04

Yeah, but you still had to listen to something. That's yeah, that's what people are forgetting. And the process of it going from thought to idea is like discovery. Yeah. And people are willing to give up discovery, which is uh might I say the only reason you might have intelligence or like a personality, purpose. Yeah, purpose, but because if you just started typing shit in and just making shit, yeah, then you're not even thinking about like the artist that did it before. Like sometimes I'll listen to just old like like records, and then I'll just make something totally different. But I do like listening to like I had a schlew of records, I had like a thousand records, and I'd only listen to maybe two hundred of them at most. Yeah. And that's just out of coincidence because I'm like, oh, that's Blizzard of Oz. I don't need to pop Blizzard of Oz on a record player to know what I'm getting. Yeah. Yeah. But uh yeah, dude. But if you don't ever do that shit, imagine a life where you just never ever got to hear like the slew of people who tried it.

SPEAKER_06 25:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:05

Because you look at like 70s Rock, 70s Rock is littered with like sweet ass bands that just died. Yeah. Even Leonard Skinner, like 17 of them died in a plane crash or some shit. It's like you look at the people that that made it and then something happened, or the people that I mean, John Denver froze mid-air. Yeah, like the world is hilarious. When it comes to when it comes to aircrafts, nobody's killed musicians in funnier ways than aircrafts.

SPEAKER_08 25:35

Right. In funnier ways, yeah. I was gonna say, we I didn't know you were gonna end that with funnier ways. I mean, Kerlin has definitely killed more it's not funny, they just kind of gently go to sleep. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 25:47

I mean, dude, they literally said they rolled up on John Denver's plane and he was just like in there, froze as fuck.

SPEAKER_05 25:52

Is that real? Yeah, because that's how he died? Yeah, I'm fact checking you. Oh, dude, it's so crazy.

SPEAKER_04 25:58

Just putting John Denver froze, dude. Let's see. Let's fact check this. Jamie, the verdict is no, that's not true.

SPEAKER_08 26:06

Damn it, who froze on a plane? I forget who the guy was. John Denver died in a plane crash on October 12th, 97, not from freezing. He was piloting an experimental aircraft that went down in Monterey Bay in California. The confusion might be from the fact now. No, wait, wait, because I feel like someone froze. The confusion might come from the fact that the water was cold and he died on impact in the crash, not from ex- What the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 26:32

That was a weird Did someone just look up. Did musician freeze mid-air in a plane? Which is a silly Google, but and then if AI tells us it didn't happen, then we know right here, you guys. You guys have actually seen accountability in a podcast for the first time at all. What the they're gonna be like, what did someone someone freeze?

SPEAKER_08 26:59

There is a case involving a musician and freezing, though it's a bit different. Ricky Nelson died in a plane crash in 85, and there was rumors about fire or other causes, but what the fuck? Every that's that's not that's a non-answer.

SPEAKER_04 27:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a great answer.

SPEAKER_08 27:13

I'm gonna I'm gonna Google search this to be. I'm just gonna say what musician froze to death. I'm just gonna say that and and stop saying the plane shit.

SPEAKER_04 27:20

No, dude, you gotta throw on the plane. The plane kind of is what makes it. And stop throwing in the plane. Oh, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_08 27:30

Hank Williams died in 1953 in the backseat of a car while being driven to a show, but the freezing conditions were part of the situation. It was extremely cold New Year's Day, travel through this southern U.S.

SPEAKER_04 27:43

He had been believed Hank Williams froze to death.

SPEAKER_08 27:48

Officially his death was attributed to heart failure, but exposure to the cold is often uh mentioned as a contributing factor.

SPEAKER_02 27:57

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_08 27:59

Wow. Okay, ChatGPT is kind of failing me right now. Real estate.

SPEAKER_04 28:02

No, that was so pretty sweet. I mean, dude, I can't believe we fact-checked for the first time ever.

SPEAKER_08 28:06

Dude, I have to fact-check. Okay, so my my boy uh my my I had my buddy come on, and I've I've been friends with him for 20 fucking years, but I've known he's a dipshit since I met him. And we were talking about we're both skateboarders, so we're talking about skateboarders and talking about Mike. I don't know if you're into skateboarding or one too, but okay, so Mike Mulcopaldi had a career-ending injury at Woodward in Pennsylvania. Okay. He was driving a golf cart and got into an accident in the golf cart, and it destroyed the ligaments in his knee, and now he has what's called drop foot because he doesn't have the tendon strength or the ability. He's got that vert foot, dude. He can only like push the board down. But he uh so my boy was like on the podcast, Devin's like, he was drunk, he was with Chris Cole, he jumped off a ledge on purpose.

SPEAKER_04 28:58

He made it sound like super sweet.

SPEAKER_08 28:59

All of that's wrong. Chris Cole was not there, he was not drunk, he didn't drive off the cliff on purpose. Like they he drove through a dark section of the camp on the path, but then the path turns away, and the path is like part of a ramp or something, and he drove off of it into one of the outdoor parks there. And as he's flipping, he tried to catch himself by sticking his leg out, and that's what blew his knee apart.

SPEAKER_04 29:21

Wait, he was in a car? He was in a golf cart. He was in a car.

SPEAKER_08 29:25

See, this is he got so much of it wrong that I got dude. Tom Asta commented on one of my shorts and was like, This is not how any of this happened. I'm like, no. I look like an asshole to one of my favorite skaters. This sucks.

SPEAKER_04 29:38

Dude, I hope official John Denver just starts hate tweeting you. Like, how dare you put up that clip where you said our beloved John Denver froze me? It's just one of those things, you know what's funny about. I think life before the internet is like somebody tells you something so convincingly, and you're like, You just believe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_08 29:59

Dude, my dad, my dad grew up in that world and he thinks that it's still that world, and he gets mad if people fact check him.

SPEAKER_04 30:05

Well, we tell people I'm a dipshit. What are you talking about? Dude, I was born in America. I'm I'm American is through and through. I like getting fucked up. I like hot chicks, explosions, and diehard. Like, I'm Spike TV animated, dude, dude. All we were was Spike TV and G4.

SPEAKER_08 30:23

You remember when they were like fucking dude, they were like two channels apart, and you were like, You could you could literally hit go back and forth, Halo Tournament back to fucking rainbow. Halo tournament back to Rambo.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Olivia Mun, fucking fucking Joe Roken before he's crazy.

SPEAKER_08 30:39

Uh that other guy is Olivia Munn the chick that did the G4 game. Yeah, dude. That's how we know Olivia.

SPEAKER_04 30:45

Dude, you think she got to SNL without yeah, dude. I didn't know that. I would I didn't know who the hot chick was that I would watch G4 for. There were two hot chicks, and then there were two dudes who did not deserve the love of those co-hosts that they had, and they should have been replaced with me every time.

SPEAKER_08 31:01

Dude, I use I remember watching the fucking G4 like video game awards, and I was like, oh my god, I forgot about G4, dude.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

G4 was fucking sick.

SPEAKER_08 31:10

G4 had the uh goddamn it. No, it had shows too.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

It had Code Monkeys, which was about to just like it looked like an eight-bit show. Like the whole show looks like a video game, like a side scroller. I didn't watch that. Oh my dude, look up Code Monkey. There's only two seasons of it. Code Monkeys is so beautiful. Because it was the funniest shit in the world. Like people are always like, How can you be funny? And I'm like, I watched things that were so unhinged that that's what I think normal is.

SPEAKER_08 31:36

I'm screenshotting this, so I remember to fucking.

SPEAKER_04 31:38

Code Monkeys is you are going to laugh so hard. I mean, it's all like dumbass fucking early 2000s humor, but to watch it again, you'll be like, dude, it's so funny. You'll be like, That's what the world is missing.

SPEAKER_08 31:50

Dude, it's so cool. We were uh me and Kate Dory were just talking about fucking sp uh Space Ghost last night. I'm like, dude, I miss this shit. Oh, I miss the irreverent bullshit. The Eric Andre show and the phone uh what was before that? The fucking irreverent ass show with John C. Riley that was on America uh.

SPEAKER_04 32:11

Steve Brule. Uh great job. Or no, no, no, Steve. Check it out with Steve Brule. Is that right? John C. Riley, yeah, yeah. I saw that live. I saw I saw him as that character, but he was at a Tim and Eric concert at Royal Oak Music. Because my buddy Alan from Black Dolly Murder, he is funny as fuck. So he likes to see silly. Yeah, and he was like, dude, you want to go see Tim and Eric live? Fuck yeah. This was probably this was probably like 2018, 2019. Yeah. And we saw that show, and I was like, dude, Isle Seat fucking got to fucking dap up Tim Heidecker, which was a crazy moment in life where he was like, Yeah, like what? It's just they were just running around the crowd, like giving everybody high fives and shit. I was like, we weren't afraid of each other yet. Yeah. Oh my god. And Giant C. Riley like hosted the whole show. Yeah. So he would be like, come out every five or ten minutes, they would do like a costume change, and he'd be like, So this is the next thing, and he'd just be that character, dude. And then they played like little skits too that they were about to release. Dude, there's one skit that's so funny. It's about like how you can be more productive, like, but not really. They'll basically come to your house while you're sleeping, you'll stay sleep, which is already hilarious, and they just like put fake eyes, like it's Jason Schwartzman, and they just put fake eyes on him and just fucking like sit him at a desk and pretend he's still dude. It's so creepy, dude.

SPEAKER_08 33:36

I love Jason Schwartzman. He's he is underrated as fuck as a comedic actor. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like him, dude, him and uh him and funny people. Like, I don't know if he wrote it or not, but that doesn't matter. Him in in funny people where he's like uh Seth Rogan comes out and he's like, hey man, don't put your fucking check for a lot of money on my pillow. He's just like, where did you want me to put it? I'm sorry. I didn't mean oh I was looking for that.

SPEAKER_04 34:01

No, dude. Uh have you ever seen iHeart Huckabee's? I might have brought this up last time, but like that movie is that movie is the most epic shit you'll ever see. I Heart Huckabee Huckabee. I Heart Huckabee's. Because it's a movie by uh and look, you'll have to fact check me on this, but I'm pretty sure David O'Russell, who ended up doing like American Hustler and shit.

SPEAKER_06 34:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

But the movie is just it's fucking it's it's the whole movie is just about a guy who goes through a thing where he thinks these coincidences are happening in his life, and then he goes to a therapist, which is it's a couple. It's Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman already bangers. Already bangers. And they are like, they're they're essentially their own yin and yang, and they instruct people, but there's also like a French lady who's like, nothing matters, she's like everything you'll ever see in life is completely nothing. Nothing. You just stop thinking about it. But the beauty is like there's one scene and it's it's a banger scene, it's all over YouTube. It's called the blanket scene where he's like, Well, what does everything mean? and then excuse me. Dustin Hoffman is like, I mean, dude, I'm giving it to him. I'm not I won't burp all over your shit because that's so rude.

SPEAKER_08 35:12

But uh I'm just no, I it's funny as fuck to me that you're I feel like you're about to say something prolific. Oh, wait, yeah, yeah. He just released a demon out first, which was so funny.

SPEAKER_04 35:22

That's what he wanted to do, dude. He would have talked, he would have talked to her and he would be like, and the thing of the movie. But uh, dude, in the movie, he's like, Well, what does it all mean? And Dustin Hoffman pulls out this blanket and he's like, he's like, Everything in the world, the universe is this blanket. Like this everything is just something. He's like, you know, like this is like death, and this is war, and this is love, and this is peace, and and he's just lifting his finger up through the blanket. Okay, because he's like, Under the blanket, you don't none of this matters to the universe. Yeah, he's like, but it is we are all under the blanket together. And I was like, I I watched mushrooms and watched that movie, and I should dude. I let a bunch of other people, they were like, hey, we're gonna do acid. What should we watch? And I brought Beastie Boys, like the whole video collection on DVD, it's Criterion, which is wild. And uh I've I've since sold it. I sold like all my earthly possessions, but uh I and it's that video collection, which they couldn't handle past the mic. There's a scene where like they're like just cheap 90s graphics, like skate videos, yeah, where everything's miscolored and they're just like looking into the rim of a car and rapping. I love it, and everybody was like, we gotta stop here. This is enough Beastie Boys. I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

They're too aggressive to be fried on.

SPEAKER_04 36:40

Yeah, but then I was like, hey, you guys want to like truly think because the movie is a peaceful movie. It's Mark Wahlberg and Jason Schwartzman, those are the two guys that are they link up and they're going through things and they see the those therapists, and they're like, You guys should meet each other.

SPEAKER_08 36:54

Are the Huckabee's the therapists?

SPEAKER_04 36:57

No, the Huckabee's is Walmart, which is funny. Jude Law, Jude, taking it back to Dave Chapel Roan, Dave Chappelle Roan, Dave Chappelle Roan. Dude, Jude Law is like the president of like Walmart. Okay. And in the movie, he's trying to like buy out Jason Schwartzman because he's like an activist. He's like, I stand up for like don't kill the trees and shit like that. And he's like, How about you fuck off for like this amount of money? And the movie's about like how his life fully changes, like Jude Law's life gets fucked up because these people are like they get to his wife. At some point, they basically talk to his hot wife, which is Naomi Watts, and they go, Have you ever thought about the universe? And she's like, No, and that just everything she knows is just like ripped apart, and like a way where she's like, I sh I don't need this. Yeah, she's like this hot like like model that that's so like superficial, and they're like, You know, you're better than that, and the universe actually could mean something to you. And she's like, dude, it was kind of like a foretelling of like social media itself, dude. The way the movie I'm actually excited to watch this, dude. Dude, it'll trip you the fuck out. Then there's silly shit. There's one scene where there's like a kid in the background that's just clearly an extra, but he has a mustache. Like he's so he's out of focus. I remember being like, I paused it because I was like, you can fact check this.

SPEAKER_05 38:18

That fucking kid have a mustache. Like a very real they gave him like a fake mustache just for no fucking reason. Just know this little kid has this real mustache.

SPEAKER_08 38:31

Dude, my 12-year-old's got a mustache, and I fuck with him relentlessly about it. This is too thick.

SPEAKER_05 38:37

You'll see it.

SPEAKER_08 38:38

Oh, is it like cartoonish? Dude, it's like he looks like he looks like a man. He looks like an 80s like Southern American dictator with a guard in his mouth. Yeah, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

It clearly is just a little fake mustache that they're like, you should wear this. And it's that is so funny. Yeah. The other day I had to show my friend how they uh painted on Dolph Lundgren's five o'clock shadow in the movie The Punisher in the in the first run at Marvel, trying to be like, Well, they've got Superman, because it's funny to think of like comic book movies now. Yeah. Because Marvel's just face fucking DC. And I mean, James Gunn is there now, and he's like, Oh, they're like having nice consensual sex now. But before Marvel was really just giving it to him, but you think of it as like, yeah, but before that, like Superman was everything. Like before Chris Reeves got kicked by a horse or fell off one, you know, Jamie looked that up. But like that was the shit. People were like, Superman's so fucking dope, and it's like the corniest, dumbest movie, right? And then Marvel was like, let's make a Punisher movie. Yeah. Which is, I'll tell you right now, this movie is way too ahead of the curve. What they were doing in this movie, classic, like Asian gangsters, and you're like, okay, this feels New York. Like, yeah, nobody outside of New York knows what an Asian gang looks like. Like, I've never been walking around Detroit and been like, oh fuck, there's the Yukuja gangs, dude. Such a silly premise for that time. And yeah, the movie's just it's hilarious.

SPEAKER_08 40:11

There's mmunger gangbangers in Detroit.

SPEAKER_04 40:13

Are there according to are there according to Gran Torino? Dude, I mean, yeah, Gran Torino's silly. We've got Gran Torino, Robocop. Like, that's those are the Detroit movies.

SPEAKER_08 40:26

Transformers. That was that was filmed here. No, that was filmed here. They never mentioned it.

SPEAKER_04 40:30

They're like, oh my god, New York. Have fun in college, kid. Look at those Asian gangs. There's Asian gangs in the background.

SPEAKER_08 40:39

Fucking Kill Bill.

SPEAKER_04 40:40

Yeah. Dude, I mean, Kill Bill is, dude. You know, it's I'm sad. I don't have my passport, and I do need to like internationally travel. Have you ever?

SPEAKER_08 40:49

We're going to Ireland in a couple months. That'll be my first. That'll be my first trip. Yeah, that one's actually fucking scary to me. I'm like, man, I'm flying so far away from home.

SPEAKER_04 40:58

Are you meeting her family, your family, both families?

SPEAKER_08 41:01

We're going to no, we're going that's where our honeymoon's gonna be. We're going to fucking Ireland. Kind of travel around Ireland for our honeymoon.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

Like you're going straight to like um Belfast? I have no idea. Okay. We haven't we haven't like Dublin?

SPEAKER_08 41:14

The only plans I have is like I I want to hit a mic in Ireland. Yeah. And I want to play golf in Ireland.

SPEAKER_04 41:20

Those are like the two like I You can definitely, I mean, study on the mic now. Yeah. Because you don't want to get there and then have to ask a guy. Because everybody you talk to in Ireland is going to talk to you for 70 hours. You're going to go, hi, uh, and he's going to go, Oh, are you a flannerty? And then you're going to, I I don't, I've got a question. He's going to go, look at here, kid. And it's going to be so good. You're not, especially as a podcaster. Someone's going to come in the background and set up all the podcast equipment while they're still talking to you.

SPEAKER_08 41:49

Dude, it looks like they're in their studio.

SPEAKER_04 41:50

You got all their fucking kid, I'll tell you right there. You go. And then they're just talking about great places to go. And because everybody turns into a fucking tour guide in a place where people are pleasant. And I've heard so much because my the the the mother of my lovely child, uh, she went to Ireland and she was like, Yeah, they're just so fucking it's beautiful. She's like, it's insane how like open and just like, oh, you're not from around here? Oh like just you know, because you don't get that everywhere. Yeah. People don't look at eight mile like that. Right. Nobody's like, I'm not from eight mile, so let's see what's happening over here.

SPEAKER_08 42:27

Dude, I'm ex I'm super excited to go to Ireland. I don't like I don't I have no expectations at all. I just like I I just wanna like we have to drink in a pub, obviously. I want to do a mic there. We'll find a m we'll find a mic and uh and I I gotta I gotta play golf. Those are my those are my only things I have to do in Ireland. Other than that, I'm like, dude, let's just fucking explore. The thing is, like anytime we go on vacation though, which isn't fucking all the time, it's like once every other year, but I I I we have this habit of like trying to get the most out of it, like we're trying to squeeze every moment we can out of it. And because of that, it's like we're busy the whole fucking time we're you know, but the whole fucking time that we're on vacation. I don't like hey, let's just go there and just have a place to sleep and we'll just wing it. You know what I mean? Like, let's do that for two weeks.

SPEAKER_04 43:21

Oh yeah, as opposed to the itinerary. Well, that's the beauty is like if you're there for long enough, you can build the things that you want to do. Because you'll do the things already. Like, I always tell people like if I go to like a town, I'll spend like the whole day just like buying like one Budweiser at like just a bottle of bud at like every bar I hit. I and I tip well because it's a fucking beer that cost me. It used to cost you a lot less. Uh I won't even tell you guys how much we used to pay for it. I remember yeah, I used to get a fucking uh pitcher of shock top with like a giant orange in it for five bucks at this bar I used to go to. To and it was, I was like, Man, things will never be shitty after this, right? And then they took away smoking in in bars, and I feel like the world changed with that, you know? That was the world. I don't know. It's like that really did kind of up the ante on what you were willing to go through to like be somewhere. Because you walk into a bar, you're just like, Oh boy, there's no lying about the smell of just tobacco lingering. The only place now you'll walk out of smelling like tobacco is a strip club. Yeah. Do they smoke cigarettes in strip clubs? Yeah, yeah, they smoke a lot of things. Crack, penis.

SPEAKER_08 44:33

Like, it's just like I've never dude, I've never been to a fucking I've never been to a couple of cock smoking in there. I have no interest in going to a strip club. No, no, I've never been. You shouldn't. You shouldn't.

SPEAKER_04 44:44

It's just silly. Honestly, I tell people all the time, I'm like, it's it's helped me so much comedically. And just the things I'm seeing. Like, I remember one time this stripper, she just walks over. She did not look great. And it was, and hey, nothing against her. She has every right to dance like the next person. I found out they like have to pay to dance. It's a it's a fucking brutal gig. But uh, she walks over, it's me and my two buddies, and it's like, we know this is a terrible strip club, it's kind of like an intentional thing we're doing. And my buddy's sitting in between us, and he's like, he's like, This shit fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_05 45:20

And that chick walks over, crabs his beanie off of her head, and just wipes her uh just peculiar vagina on it. With his beanie? And then the best time, she just sets it on his head and just dude.

SPEAKER_04 45:42

But I tell you, oh man, that shit was that shit was beautiful, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:47

Just sets it on his head, and he was like, let's get the fuck out of there. Dude, throw that beanie away.

SPEAKER_04 45:54

It was too funny. I don't even think I left. I think they left because of how sad he was. And I just stayed. It was uh oh, it was so funny.

SPEAKER_08 46:05

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_04 46:06

So you don't wear a beanie to a strip glove to putting a knife to a gunfight or a beanie to a strip club?

SPEAKER_08 46:10

Oh my god, she just fucking wipes herself with it.

SPEAKER_04 46:13

Dude, it was brutal. Like it did to a point where shit, dude. Because we were like, oh, you're so used to the pervs that come here that that's like that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

He's just like looking at his like fucking drippings beanie.

SPEAKER_08 46:31

Why? Uh why? This is like a cool brewery beanie. Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_04 46:42

Oh yeah, it definitely was a craft after that. Oh Jesus. And it was just, dude, it was one of the funniest.

SPEAKER_08 46:48

Dude, I'm a I'm a pipe fitter, and a lot of my buddies are are pipe fitters too, and they fucking they have all these strip club stories, especially because we work in like the jankiest corners of Michigan. Oh, yeah. You know, so we're working in eCourts in Detroit and whatever, and and like Southern Dearborn. And my one buddy was telling me that he uh he we he went to the strip club on lunch break. So it's like you gotta fly this 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_04 47:15

He drops a hot five just to walk in there. At least I mean he probably dropped ten dollars just for cover just to walk in.

SPEAKER_08 47:22

Just to walk in. Well, he goes, uh, he's like, Oh, I was going to I was going there to eat lunch. He's not gonna be happy about the story being told, but fuck him. Uh okay, two shame. He uh so he was going there for a while uh to get eat lunch every day, and he like started to get to know the chick that worked there at noon. And uh like the waitress? The stripper who was like a waitress during the room.

SPEAKER_04 47:46

There's just one stripper that also just takes your order. Literally, she's just got her walking around this tiny stage in this little room.

SPEAKER_08 47:54

For real, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:55

Oh, that is so brutal. And he's like, She's dead now.

SPEAKER_08 47:58

So he's been going to we're just gonna say she's dead now. But he is so he's like, he's been he's telling me, he's like, Oh, I've been going there for a few months now, and then uh and then she's like, Hey, do you want to dance? Like, do you want to and he's like, No, I just I'm just chilling. And she's like, No, no, no, it's free. I'm not gonna charge you. She's like, I know you now, let me give you a dance. And she takes him into the back room, and he's like, She just pulls his shit out and pulls her, you know, fucking get up to the side and just fucked him right there. And I was like, Oh, that's a cool story. But then I remembered that he was telling me that he was upset that his wife was cheating on him. Like, just you can't have it both ways. Just before he told me this story, he was like, you know, I just couldn't believe that my wife is so proud of herself for cheating on me. Like, she was like, like she had gotten it.

SPEAKER_04 48:42

Hey, dude, women don't have a lot, they have to be proud of themselves for everything. Like, that's just what it is, dude. But that's he was surprised that a woman was proud of the channel.

SPEAKER_08 48:58

Where he's like, fucking strip. Like, pick a lane, dude. Yeah, I mean which one is it?

SPEAKER_04 49:04

Is it okay or is it not okay? Well, look, I I'm I'm don't cheat on your wife. Don't do any of that shit. I'm not ever condoning infidelity, but I tell people all the time, I'm like, if that's just some game that you and your person play, you shouldn't be together. Yeah, like I love when people are like, Oh, yeah, you know, I I cheat, you know, and I'm like, Leave that person there. Right. Why are you doing that to somebody? You should just leave. Like it's I can't stand cheaters. That's what I look, I just quit a job, and people are like, I could I was literally training with a guy who was there for like excuse me. I had to let the demon out first. He had been there for like 20 years. He was cool as fuck, and I was like, dude, you could do like any job. But he was like, I don't really like doing the changeover, and like, you know, they've got these cool things, and uh and I was like, dude, I love doing that. I love dumping a job. Like, honestly, like dumping a girlfriend, pretty cool. Dumping a job way cooler. Okay, like just the because it's not like I'm shitting on them, it's a corporation. They this happens all the time, but it's like jobs should actually know that, like, hey, it can happen. Like, people will fucking leave this. If everybody didn't leave, you'd get Amazon.

SPEAKER_02 50:16

Like, Amazon is people just being like, I miss my kids, damn it!

SPEAKER_04 50:21

And they're like, Yeah, that's great. Station 402, don't do this again, Betty. And it's just like a lot of things. Yeah, dude, it's dude, that environment is fucking brutal. People like it was so funny. Sometimes they'd be like cleaning the bathrooms, because I mean they have to clean so many bathrooms all the time. So they'd be cleaning a certain section of bathrooms, like right when people are like taking their lunch. So people are like, oh man, it's gonna be nice to take a bathroom piss.

SPEAKER_05 50:49

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 50:50

Can't you go to the bathroom, dude? And they're like, I gotta walk up or down a level, and then sometimes the next level down is out, and you're like, dude, it was a wild time in there.

unknown 51:00

Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 51:02

Yeah. I watch people, I was like, dude, this is all just like were you did you work there? I worked there as like a non-slave, which is crazy. I was essentially an Amazon house nigga. Like it was, dude, that's what like maintenance decks are because we walk around. Oh, you did maintenance there? We do nothing. Yeah. And then like, and out of respect, because like the the job requires us to do the most like we had to do things like open doors, like sometimes items fall out of shit. So I just basically like turn totes and shit all day. All day would be me going to some random station, and some person's like, oh, and then I turn a tote and then I hit reset, and they're like, Thank you so much. And then that was like my life, like literally, and I was like, I can't do this shit. Yeah. Cause like they don't give a fuck about people. Yeah. Like the job, like they would tell people not like that job. I what I just talked about, like doing the tote. If you're not one of us, they'll fucking fire you for that. If you try and do something that essentially will just get your machine going back again, and you know it's something simple, like, oh, I've seen this before, it's a thing laying down on the they'll fucking shit can you.

SPEAKER_08 52:12

Because they want only the maintenance guys to do it?

SPEAKER_04 52:14

Yeah, they're just like, no, that's why we hired a maintenance team, so you have to wait. Plus it fucks up your metrics. Like, there were people who were like, fuck this, and they'd like open doors and do our job. Like, I'd be walking to a machine like that was right on the because it's four floors of the shit. Four floors, four sides, okay, a crazy matrix, and you're just watching machines, like robots drive around with all the merchandise on them, and like do like a little they do like a loop inside of a station. They pull up with just it's just a bunch of robots, and then people have to pick it off, and then the next robot pulls up and it has something they need, and they're spinning around.

SPEAKER_00 52:51

It's so weird.

SPEAKER_04 52:52

Dude, it was fucking you like dystopian as fuck. Yeah. And I was like, this shit sucks. Because like my job was basically at one point the robots stop, like dead in their tracks stop, which is so funny. Like you turn off like a shutdown signal and they're like vroom, and they all sit on very particular things. Yeah. So my job was just to go out there and change the QR stickers that they drive over for like an alarming amount of money.

SPEAKER_08 53:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:23

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 53:23

But also, you know them like shit canning people over like doing quick fixes. Is it was was it like a safety thing?

SPEAKER_04 53:32

It's intentional. It's in d they would shit can like they were starting to unionize when I left.

SPEAKER_08 53:36

But doesn't it wouldn't it make more sense if if you can f remedy something quickly? No, because you for the company you're making.

SPEAKER_04 53:44

No, no, no, because for the company they're gonna make money regardless. But for you, you might be like worthy of if your numbers get so good, they have to move you up and do these things. Yeah. So if you can never get your numbers up, they get to always keep you at like oh you were fucking up last time, Susie. And they go, Yeah, it's because that thing falls. Like, people would be like, Don't send me to station, blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_08 54:08

Because it's gonna mess me up.

SPEAKER_04 54:08

Yeah, they were like, it's gonna slow me down. Don't put me with this person because you share, you share that. That's how they really fuck you up. They you share like a two-sided console that feeds one tote out at a time. Jesus Christ. And then you got some 80-year-old broad with you who's kid keeper saying she's and it's got her tote, so it's trying to give her what she has, but she can't even get done with this. Oh, it fell.

SPEAKER_08 54:34

I feel so bad for people that get into jobs like that and they don't know how to get out of them and get a real job, like a skill, like learn a skill and get a skilled job instead of and and like those jobs are necessary, but my god, dude, like I know when I was uh when I was like a you know, like fresh out of high school, and like my first couple of years outside of high school, I didn't know what the fuck to do. So I just like worked all these shitty express pros, you know, like staffing agency jobs. I did so many jobs like that where I'd like go home and I'm like, why am I like severely depressed? Oh yeah like I should like my eight-hour shift should not affect me as much as it is, but I'm like going home. Like I I worked at a plastic injection molding shop for like three months.

SPEAKER_04 55:18

Were you just an operator to crazy?

SPEAKER_08 55:20

Oh, I was not skilled, I was a kid, you know. So I'm like, I'm taking these like copper parts and I'm putting them into a form, and then I'd hit the button and it would spit out hot plastic and like make them solenoid or whatever. Yeah, that's all I did for like three months, and I swear to god, I'd like close my eyes and I'd see the same shit that I stared at for eight or ten hours a day in my mind's eye.

SPEAKER_04 55:42

You're like an army vet. Right fucking PTSD about it.

SPEAKER_08 55:46

Those guys are on fucking vape. No, I wasn't like it wasn't like uh like PTSD. It was just like when you dream about it. The rhythm of the shit, like when you're in these places, like the machines kind of do the same rhythm. So it's like doom, kch, doom, doom, kch, doom, chch, doom, doom, and then like that's in your head for like hours and hours and hours. You're like, oh my god, I'm like a fucking I'm like a navy guy with like a sea lace. Except I go home and I'm hearing doom, kh, do, do, do.

SPEAKER_04 56:15

Oh, yeah, because your brain clocks it in. It's like when you stare at like a bright light and then you turn and the bright light's still there. No, dude. I mean, I just quit. I I got a job for like two weeks at Dish. I was Dish Network? Yeah, yeah. Still around exactly. Honestly, look, man. Hey, I I love those guys, they were fucking cool as shit. But like, yeah, I was like, this is a thing still. Like, that's what were you doing there? Well, I would have almost worked for fucking Elon. So I already worked for Amazon and I left that place in fucking 2024. Like, like for my my for my daughter's birth, I was like, I will not return to Amazon and be a part of this. What that is, I don't want any part of it. Yeah, felt like I retired from OnlyFans. Uh I was like, I don't need this. You got a moral compass all of a sudden. No, I mean, dude, it'll change you. I mean, like, it'll some having a kid, yeah. Having a kid, not even that, but I mean like the world. You watch I watched the world change in 2024 in a way that was kind of gross. Yeah. And like just the whole and watching people suffer, watching watching the results of like the mistakes the world makes is because I work for Bezos. Like, what are we talking about? He started a fucking machine, he started essentially the first and most successful American sweatshop, which is Amazon. Yeah. And I was like, oh dude, I didn't I didn't even know it was this bad in here. Seeing it in real life was seeing the green mile, that's what they call the area where the workers walk. Like the prison movie by Stephen King. That's fucking insane.

SPEAKER_08 57:49

Like my ex worked there, but she was a driver, but she would she was like starting to have these like she was starting, she was starting to have a complex about like having to organize her truck a certain way. She'd get pissed about people helping her because it would fuck up how efficient she should she could be. And then she's like, I would pull it aside. I'm like, hold on. It's cool that you're like goal-oriented, and like I see this new gear that you have. That's cool. It's clueless. It's cool to see that. But like you're also working so hard that you're making less money because you're only working like 25 hours a week because you're busting your ass. It's that you're not even getting a full 40-hour check. It's like, yeah, but I have to because I'm not Metrics, dude. Everything was about I'm not allowed to back up, I'm not allowed to vape, I'm not allowed to this, I'm not allowed to that. They have cameras in the cab, and I'm like, dude, this is like fucking with your head.

SPEAKER_04 58:38

Oh, dude, dude, you know what they do? That's the sickest, most gross shit in the world. There's two screens. There's one screen that plays what you're like picking for them and the items and stuff, and then there's another screen that's just like video games that are automated by your actions. So, like, one screen that I'd see all the time was just a dragon. Just like, I'm talking 1992 computer graphic dragon, like what and people would be like, people would tell their managers, like, hey, get a technician over here because I can't see my dragon game. So I'd have to go and I'd have to because they can't plug things into there either. Because you got to think, there is a lot of power just running from everywhere. Yeah, Amazon's running off like surge protectors and shit. Like, Amazon just has power strips. I've never seen a place take so many chances with just everything. Like, Amazon doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, so they're like, no, no, you can't plug anything in. We'll get a technician. They're wearing all this stuff that'll stop you from being electric. I because I guarantee some worker fucking went to plug in a fan, and Amazon was like, just explodes into a million pieces. It's just that'd be hilarious to see that. Linda, you're not doing it. It's vaporized.

SPEAKER_05 59:50

Four stories of just being capable of dude.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:01

They have this digital dragon on a TV screen.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:04

Yeah, just to make people feel like they're beating a game by even like doing so they're like manipulating people's like oh, they're mental. Being uh goal-oriented or whatever, or yeah, and then you see yourself on like a scoreboard and like for games and for products.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:18

So they're literally pitting people again co-workers against each other to be more productive.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:24

The coworkers are already so just sad in every yeah, yeah, but 100% that's why they have to share those stations, because then you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, I'll watch why it's never the funniest thing is they'll put like like there were I think these two chicks were sisters, but they were like small people. They're I don't even know what you call them anymore. Midgets. Midgets. They were they were Mexican midgets. They were MMs. At least I know what you're talking about. Yeah, but they were two tiny like Mexican girls, and they would always have them on the same stations. But it would be funny because sometimes I'd walk by and one of them wasn't doing as well as the other, so she'd be like, How about I say and she'd be like, because you there are people who walk around that are just managers to like translate. Yeah. Like I've had people just start talking about it.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:09

Are you sure they were midgets or were they just regular sized Mexican girls?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:12

Honestly, look, some would say the line's pretty blurry in that world. I mean, but yeah, I mean, these these chicks were hilariously tanned. Like to the point where when I saw them once, I was like, it's illegal to even make these work.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:25

Like, that's crazy that you're making these tiny little Mexican ladies like talking. I didn't know what you meant for a second. Make these work. That's that's awful, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:37

Like, because they make them use like a little ladder, they make them use like a little staircase. And I'm like, dude, one of these girls, dude. If one of those girls got hit by a fucking by one of those robots out there, because like my job, I had a tablet at all times in my pouch. You're like a Chick-fil-A. No, dude, I'm better than I'm a Karen at a Chick-fil-A, because I make all the robots stop and listen. And I could literally be like, Oh, I'm gonna be here, and I would just shut down a thing like basically any robot that flies into that zone, it'll just stop. Sometimes it sucked because I'd do that and then they'd block the entire middle section so I couldn't get where I needed to go. And then I'd have to walk out, open it back up, and then let them do their thing, and then and then go back in to wherever you gotta go.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:22

That was fucking ridiculous. God, what a weird fucking world. Dude, being a pipe fitter, yeah, I I get to peek my head behind the curtain of like every industry in Michigan, which is which is fucking dope. But it also shows you like how bad I could have it. You know, like I go to a like you know, go to these steel mills for a couple of months for these shitty fucking projects, and uh and then the luck he has for pipe fitting is is it's immense. But we go there, I I go to this fucking steel mill, and I'm like, oh my god, it's a hundred and thirty degrees in this basement where we have to work for the next couple of months, we have to wear respirators because there's coke dust flying, not cocaine, but coke battery. Boo! The coke battery dust is floating around. If you turn on a headlight in the basement, oh it looks horrific.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:11

It looks like a silent hill level.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:13

You're like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:15

You're like, I'm breathing this in. I was a machinist and I'd go home and wipe my nostrils, and like it would just be like black. It would just be black, and I'd be like, oh, well, a lot of that made it in.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:24

Yeah, like let's not act like it didn't all stop there.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:27

I left a machine shop because they pulled us into an office and they said, just so you guys know, uh, we're gonna be putting you on a different shift. And then the one I work graveyard, and this lady, bless her soul, she just lifts her hand, she goes, What do you mean by a different shift? They go, Well, now you're gonna work instead of working um possible sixes, some people want their weekends so they can go up north. So we're gonna have you work seven and then five, and then two, and then seven, and then five. And I was like, What? I was like, twelve days on, twelve days off. And he was like, Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, and I was like, What the fuck? That's not I go, call it twelve days on, two days off then. Don't fucking be that asshole.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:10

That's like five, yeah, you're like seven, five. It sounds like some complicated custody agreement.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:16

I literally was like, is there a fucking break in between seven and five? And and the guy goes, No. And I go, then that's a fucking twelve. Because mind you, he told us this at like 10 30 at night. Right. Like, where we're again black nostriled out, and um the best part is that chick, she's like started like laughing, like like in a psychotic, like you could tell something broke in her system. Yeah, she started laughing, and I raised my hand and I go, just so you guys know, this is my month resignation. Like, I'm giving you guys 30 days to replace my position. Yeah. Cause I'm done. I was like, I would do a two-week notice, but you guys have been good to me, and I need the money.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:54

Dude, my my brother has been a machinist for 15 years, and I have been trying to get him to get out of that industry for like most of the time.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:04

I'm like, dude, you like But it's easy money. The easy you watch things cut, you don't after a while, you don't do much computers do so much for us. They I had a machine where I just hook it up. It was hooked up through a fucking like a micro. There was a tiny office, and then there was just like a mole, yeah, like an extension cord, 90s cord, yeah, hooked up to my machine, and I would tell it what it was, yeah, how to cut it, and I just hit play. Yeah. And I just change out the fucking tools, and yeah. I quit the fuck out of that place because I've been trying to get him to get out of there.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:37

I like brutal environment.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:39

A guy a guy called me a music fag once at six AM out of love. He said, Hey Floyd, you're a music fag. Did you see Madonna on Jimmy Fallon last night? And the day before, he said, I really love when they speak Mexican 'cause I know the food's gonna be better. And I said, You okay And then Speak Mexican and then the music fag, he hit me with it and within 24 hours. Yeah. I left that company. Yeah, I had to.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:10

Dude, he the indo that industry in Michigan, it's like unless you have 15 years in at a company, you're going to work work midnight, which means you're going to work at fucking 4 p.m. and you're getting off at best 2 a.m.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:25

At best. I mean, there's like I said, I was graveyard and like there were people who like beg for graveyard.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:31

My boss would walk around talking about how he got fired three times.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:34

He'd be like, they keep fucking firing me, and then guess who fucking needs me back? Right. Oh, dude. That's every that's every show.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:41

He's just smoking, like, we're not even allowed to smoke in there. He'd walk around. Smoking cigarettes, dude, he'd buy us pizza.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:47

He's like, I'm the company dollar. Fuck this place.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:50

Fucking leave this place as fast as you fucking. And honestly, shout out to my supervisor, Mike, who made it so easy to be like, he's right. Yeah. I was like, yeah. Honestly, I almost wanted to be like, fucking, Mike has opened my eyes. Yeah. This company could suck my dick. They're like, Mike, stop getting all the fucking employees to leave. To quit. Diddy was the man.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:12

That industry itself sucks. It sucks. You like you make okay money, and that's why so many people stick around. But it's like you don't have any benefits, you don't have any retirement, no health insurance. It's like, oh, but you make 30 bucks an hour. It's like sick. So does every skill trade.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:26

There's the one where you get all that shit and then you make dog shit.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:30

You make fucking 15 bucks an hour. Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:31

So either way, you're making you're you're making the sacrifice. Because finding that gig now is tough. Finding the well-paying, like skimpy benefits gig. Yeah, that's way fucking tougher than just now. Because now everything is like, no, we had the exploding lady at Amazon. So now we gotta like, like I worked, like I got this job. I literally went in for a job interview like fucking Monday morning. And then he was like, oh, I went in, talked to him, and then like five minutes later they called me and they were like, You want to test out a day? Yeah. And it's just like fixing lawmowers and shit. I'm a small engine mechanic now. Right on.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:10

That's probably gonna be way more rewarding because your brain's gonna be fucking firing.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:14

Dude, as opposed to going, I I went when I was working when I was training at Tish and the short amount of time I was there, at one point I got sent to a lady's house because she was a hundred and her mu button didn't work. And she had a fucking cable remote from like 19, you know, 2002 or some shit. So like I had one remote in my car, in my van, and it has the codes. So I go, her mute button works now. And then but my my coach is like, Well, now we gotta try and sell her a sound system, and I go, I'm not selling a hundred-year-old woman anything.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:48

What the fuck's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:50

Dude, watching her try and sign for it was wild. Because I got I at one point I had to meet her. I gave my phone to the lady and I said, You can take it to your grandma and get her to sign or whatever. Yeah. And then she goes, No, you gotta you gotta come back here. You gotta come back here to cool.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:05

And I'm like, I'm just back there, just imagine being the kind of guy who has to sell shit to a dying any minute now lady. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:16

And and like let it be known, I didn't leave for that. Like the the funniest thing, and this is gonna sound so petty, but like they gave me gloves where these these three fingers are like missing the tips, and I was like, This is gay. I'm out. This is gay swat. That's it. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Where are my full finger? And people would be like, Well, you can feel your pieces around like in your tool belt more, and I go, Yeah, but it's still kind of winter right now. It's five degrees today, and guess how my fucking fingers feel? They feel insane. I can't feel anything. You were installing the Yeah, I was like getting on a ladder, pulling people's dishes off, putting new dishes on. Yeah, that's so fucking weird that that's still a thing.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:58

Dude, you got if if you're gonna join like a semi-skilled trade as work, just get into a real skilled trade as well.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:04

Well, that's why I did the small engine. Like, I'm getting trained, I know nothing about fixing lawnmowers. But I found a company that's like, hey, we'll pay you exactly what the fuck dish was paying you. You don't work weekends because I was gonna have to work a weekend day with with kids. That weekend day really becomes a fucking pain in your ass. Right, right. And you know, go lions. Uh I have to act like that, man. It doesn't. I'm a fucking wings boy. They fuck them up my whole schedule. And I work kind of later. Like now instead of clocking in at seven, I clock in at nine. Okay. At nine to six. Yeah. And I'm like, fuck it, dude. I can make it to anything at six.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:39

That's my dude, that's my one, that's my one grief with being a pipe fitter. Is we start at six a.m. in Detroit. Oh yeah. So like I'm working six to two, so it's like, yeah, get out, you still have the whole day. But I get up at four in the morning, you know. So like if I gotta go do a mic at 9 p.m., I'm like, I gotta I have to go to sleep. Like, otherwise I'm gonna be a miserable twat for my set, you know? I would do that at Amazon.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:03

Do it at 5 o'clock clocking?

SPEAKER_08 1:11:05

Yeah, 5 a.m.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:07

clocking as a comedian. Sucks. We're not cut out for that at all. Like I could do it, but I'm just like I was at New Way last night. Paul put me out at 1 15. Right.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:19

Like, yeah. Oh yeah. I don't even I can't even do the Monday mic, and it's probably a good thing because I would do it, but I'd be Oh, because you're too wiped from it? No, just I have my kids Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then every other weekend, you know, Friday through Sunday. So the uh and then I oh I have one kid full time, but uh but Mondays, I'm not gonna miss time with my kids to do mics. Oh no, no, no, so especially because it's part-time now, which is hard as fuck by itself.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:44

But hey, let it be known I had to abandon my daughter to watch or like to do this podcast today. So the best part is I'm talking because she's at my mom's house or whatever, and but I'm like, I'm like, I think she'll be good when I leave, and I'm like, but I'm gonna piss first. And I go to pee, and then she just walks over to the bathroom door and is just crying, and I'm like, I'm I'm already I'm in the bathroom. She's how you said she was born in 24? So she's two. Yeah, she's uh she's one and a half. Yeah, she's like a clean one and a half, yeah. But no, it was just so funny. But then my mom was like, Do you want to eat a neutral grain bar? She was like, Leave. It's so funny how a kid's like the fact that they just become distracted, dude. They are social media incarnate. It's so funny to watch. And we try and I just don't want her to be a digital baby, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:35

She does dude. Watching watching families put like a tablet in a toddler's hands at a restaurant. And they're like, yeah, and they're typing on it like they're fucking 30 and they've been on in computers their whole life. They're just like a hacker.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:51

I used to watch my my ex would like type into a phone like like a computer, and I was like, oh. Or I'll watch people do the thing where they just drag their finger around to the next letter.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:01

Oh, I do that old man shit. What the fuck, dude?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:04

No, but I mean, just to drag it around to the letter, dude. I uh the fact that you mastered that. Dude, I got it faster. I just talk to text most of the time.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:14

I think talk to text is the most annoying thing to do.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:17

It gets everything wrong and let it be known it says the N-word with the R. Every time I've ever said, you know, I can't believe this nigga did this. Google's like, no, we follow old rules here. Okay. So I don't know if you know who's president now, but you need to fucking Google it. No, dude, I should just watch it.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:35

Dude, it will get the shit wrong, but also like doing talk to text in public is the most asinine shit of all time.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:40

Dude, I have to whisper it. I whisper a change, but I'll be at Kroger and I'm like, dude, that fucking movie with fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger where he's like pregnant is funny as fuck. Smoked a fat ass blunt and watched it last night. I'll call you later. I'm at Kroger right now. It's like, yeah, you just have to, yeah, because I'll be standing next to somebody's grandpa just getting fucking hot pockets. Yeah. Dude.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:04

Oh man. Yeah, I do the I do the one-handed fucking texting. I was actually doing, you know what? I'm a hypocrite. I was doing the talk to text today. Literally X. Pretty good. I was at Carl's Golf Land. Yeah. Uh hitting the range, and because I'm a fucking middle-aged white guy, so of course I was.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:19

Hey man, you're doing it right. Some people don't make it there. Some people don't make it to Carl's golf land, dude. You make it to the Carl's golf land under the ground. Okay. In the sky, man. In the sky, dude. Carl's Heavenland.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:33

But I uh but I was I was texting my buddy. I was like, because he was like, hey, call me when you get home and we'll go to Carl's together. And I fucking totally forgot he said that. So I just went straight there. Nice. I was like, oh shit. So I was texting him, but I was like doing talk to text because I was carrying a bucket of balls, and I was like, I'm gonna.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:49

You got too many balls in your hand.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:50

But as I was as I was saying the text out loud, a guy that was walking in front of me was like, What? What did you say? And I was like, Oh yeah. I was talk-to-texting like an asshole. My bad.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:01

That's how Ireland's gonna feel. It's gonna feel like everybody's talk to texting, and you're like, What? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:07

I'm afraid we're not gonna be able to understand anyone in Ireland, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:10

That's kind of what makes it fun.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:11

There's a whole season of Sons of Anarchy. I don't even know what the fuck happened.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:14

Dude, that was honestly I think that was the best season. When they go to Ireland, that was kind of a lot of that show sucked in. When he almost fucks his sister. It gets rough out here. In Ireland, dude, it's once you're in the motherland, sometimes you're in the sister land. Which is gross. I'm just kidding. Jesus Christ. Don't fucking know. Don't fuck your sister, okay? If I could say anything to the American people, don't fuck your sister.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:38

You're not gonna make a fucked up kid if you shoot the load on her tits. Yeah, exactly. That'd be alright.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:43

Pull out. Okay, uh, there's been a modification of that last part. You can fuck your sister now, but you gotta belong on her tits. And they're like, honestly, I like how this guy thinks. Okay, that's just innovating, bro. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:58

I gotta fucking stop. I gotta shut my fucking watch off or the notification. So we like we have all of the social media for the podcast, which is annoying as fuck.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:07

It's all just hooked up to your watch.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:09

Yeah, and like uh it'll like like I'm like looking at it thinking, like, oh, it's gonna be Paige or it's gonna be my kids or whatever. And I look and it's like fucking Blockbuster 99 liked your post.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:18

I'm like, I don't give a fuck. You're like albino penis 758, fucking subscribe to me. Like, that's great.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:25

Sick, thanks, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:26

I turned it off. I mean, I have like no notifications. My phone doesn't let me know anything ever happened. But like, I'll just do like a check. Plus, you're on it anyway. Like, no part of having notifications off has ever kept me from abusing social media.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:40

In fact, I think it makes me go on there more often when I should.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:42

Yeah, because then you're like, oh, I wonder if anything's in there. And like you kind of have every reason to just jump in there. You could be like the parent that opens the door, just hoping something you're gonna do. Hey, what's in there, motherfucker? Like, yeah, as opposed to when your kid's like, I'm going in the bedroom with my girlfriend and we're watching a movie, and the door's gonna be open. You're like, eh, I kind of like the suspense. I like when the door's closed and you're gonna you get to catch people.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:08

Dude, I busted in my brother. My uh busted into my brother.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:11

I was supposed to say that was a wild. It sounded like you said I busted in my brother, and I was like, pause, full pause. That too. It just cuts right to black. And I'm not like here's the end of the show.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:26

Well, my brother, my brother's seven years older than me, so anytime he brought somebody to the house, I would be like, the little brother trying to hang out. Can we hang out?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:35

Because you don't even know they're having sex. You're like sex, dude. I want to play Mortal Kombat 2. I can hear you guys playing in here. You sound super frustrated about who's losing and I can't. Someone said hooking in here. You were like, fuck you, and you're like, fuck me, and then you're like, fuck me harder, dude. I can tell you guys are playing Tekken. This is fucking classic Tekken dialogue. Right.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:54

So he brings over he brings over this chick. He's like, he's like 17, so I'm like 10 years old. He brings over this chick, and they're like, leave us alone. I keep barging in the door because it's like funny to me, because I keep doing it and it's pissing him off. So I'm like, Chris, you want fucking hot, you know, whatever. You want some pizza rolls? And he's like, No, get the fuck out, homo. And then I bust in five minutes later. Fucking, hey, Chris, do you want stop, dude? Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I would have tasted you. And then I fucking and then like 10 minutes later, I bust in and he goes, Oh, Jesus! And he's butt naked. I was like, Ah, you what the fuck are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:25

I'm telling mom, dude. That was the first time you were like, oh, shit. That's that's why that you didn't want people to roll. Honestly, dude. Gross. Sometimes you just gotta have your dad's boss, dude.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:42

I mean that's your frumpy, pasty naked body just jiggling to the bathroom. Shaped like that bird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:51

I mean, but yeah, silly naked people is probably the funniest shit. Oh man. The other day I fucking I hung out with Stick Boovie and he showed me, because he wanted to show me the movie The Greasy Strangler. I've never I'm I'm sad that I'm even bringing this up right now because this movie is fucking insane. The Greasy Strangler is hands down the most. What can only be described as just disturbing. Just uh I mean it's it it you know it's funny when one of the description words is unsettling. You're like, how does how is that even a I thought it was comedy, drama, you know, porn, action. They're like unsettling, like it's like when a movie tells you there's like suicide, and then you watch this whole thing, and at the end of it they just say, if you've ever thought about suicide, call this number. You're like, that shouldn't count as the thing. That's crazy. The whole time I've been waiting for one of these characters to off themselves. Yeah, I was like, how is there suicide in Bo Burnham's comedy special? And then sure.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:54

Because it makes you want to kill yourself.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:55

Watch the whole thing. Yeah, it makes you I killed myself. Is it alone?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:59

The uh the the COVID special. I think it was, and I think it's a lot there's a lot of the end of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:04

He was like, he just put up the number for like suicide prevention, but because of that, they put like in the description, it's like comedy, drama, yeah, suicide. And I was like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:16

Dude, he well, that there's a lot of themes of like isolation and depression in that special, though, so maybe that's why. Oh yeah, well, but no, I mean But you're expecting him to like in the middle of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:27

Oh god. Um I I remember when this word meant something. I remember when Kurt Cobain really put his money where his fucking mouth was.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:34

And that's why you watched the turning point USA fucking halftime show.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:37

It was like Kirk this Kirk Cobain. I remember when America was America.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:43

Dude, speaking of America, can I still know the Bruja? That's that's the only American way. If I've got time for two, I'll take them. But you know, we'll see what happens. We're like an hour and a half in already. Oh, alright? Yeah, let's play some fucking time warp. Let's play some time warp.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:59

It's a time warp, dude. It's a fucking time warp here. I swear to God. Me and Kate Dory fucking talked for almost four hours last night. That's crazy. The only reason that we stopped is because Paige was like antsy and bouncing and like started to play with shit. I'm like, that's she's telling me that she's done with this. Yeah, I mean, she's been there for five.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:16

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:17

She was so sick of it by the time we Which like the conversation was good, but she was just we didn't eat dinner before we came here for the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:24

Yeah, so she's hangry and four hours since she thought of eating dinner.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:27

Yeah, she's like, uh, we can eat after. Then it was 9 30, so it was like fucking we started at like 5 45. Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:34

I mean, I I think the longest I've ever done a podcast, I don't think I've ever done that. I don't think I think I talked to a couple buddies of mine for like like musician friends. Like, I I had a podcast for a second in like 2019, which is called Floyd's Garage Podcast. And I would interview musicians and be like, how did we meet? What's you know, like how you feel about music, where are you now with it? And that was kind of like I was able to get like three hours out of that because once you start talking about like things you've seen and like a venue or things you've seen as a performer, it's it's pretty easy to burn that time. It was a time warp, it was yeah, it was so fun.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:13

This place is absolutely a fucking time warp. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:15

Well, a podcasting is fun because like one time my buddy goes, uh I I messaged a guy that I met one time, I jammed with him and this guy named Adolf, who I recently got I got reconnected to Adolf through my ex, which is how you should have known. I should have was like, oh god, I can't believe I had a baby with this lady. But she was like, There, these people reached out to me and wanted me to host this show. You can do it instead, and I was like, okay. And then I got there and I saw Adolf and I was like, I was like, Addy? Because that's what he called his nickname when I met him in like 2018, 2019. Yeah. And he's like, Oh, and you could tell it was like a bittersweet moment of him going, Oh god, this person knows I'm Adolf. And I was like, I had to like pull him to the side and be like, You're Adolf, right? Yeah, like you are the Adolf I met years ago when you were playing keyboard. And he was like, Yes, I am Adolf. And I was like, That's so funny. I didn't scream it at all. Like I didn't tell anybody, like This guy's name is Adolf.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:16

Yeah, you almost gotta change your name. Why would your parents do that? You've gotta. You've gotta change your name. You've gotta change your name. It's like the most justified like renaming of all time. Your name's Adolf. Your parents might have was my grandma's name.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:27

I don't know what to tell you. My grandma Adolf.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:29

Your parents might as well have named you Kunt or something. You know, it's like this is a fucking problem.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:34

Your first name's just pedophile. You're like, look, dude, we've got a lot of them in the family, dude. You know, your name's just pedophile Epstein. Your name's pedophile Trump Epstein in that order. You're like look, dude. I mean, I came from a proud line of Epsteins. My grandma Trump.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:54

Yeah, you gotta change my grandpa pedophile. They worked hard to be the Epsteins. They were. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:06

Anyone with the name Epstein's gotta change their name now. It's over. It's over. That's like it's like synonymous with pedophilia and sex trafficking now.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:14

Yeah, it's over, dude. John Malandy did the funniest fucking bit where he was just like running for like the mayor of New York, and his name was Harvey Epstein. And it was it was so fucking good.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:28

I mean, he's Harvey Epstein, like Harvey Watson.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:32

Jeffrey Epstein. Holy shit. It's just the worst fucking collaboration. Was that like an SNL skit or something? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:41

He just he came back for it was one of his, I think it was uh the post-Coke SNL. Yeah. Where he was like, I'm clean now, which uh nothing against him. He gets to fuck G4 legend, Olivia Mun. So he won the game of life.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:55

Yeah, he did. Dude, his uh his special where he's talking about getting sober from Coke, and he's like talking about how he showed up to SNL to get his hair cut. Oh yeah. And it's just the most asinine, like entitled behavior of all time, and it's so funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:08

He's great.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:08

I mean dude, he a killer, a fucking absolute murderer.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:11

Yeah, his early shit. Um I don't know if you watched his specials a little bit.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:15

Yeah, uh what's the baby J or whatever? Baby J, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:19

But dude, he's got one about like his his like seeing what New York is. I think it's called uh New in Town.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:26

Oh yeah, I've so I've watched New Intown. Netflix special back in the past.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:30

I mean, I'm still a I'm still a Braggazzi man, like like through and through.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:33

I think I've never gotten into Braggazzi stuff.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:36

I love somebody who's just so relaxed with it that they're just talking to people. I love Nate Bergazi because he's just a black comedian that doesn't sit. That's that's all it is. He's just walking around. Isn't this weird? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's and he doesn't swear, yeah, so it's easy to digest. Anybody can watch it, you can turn it on with the kids around. Yeah. Because like I tried watching something the other day, and I had to like my I was standing with my brother in Kentucky for like the weekend, and they they were like coming from church. It's him, my mom, then my little brother's like child and the mother of her child that all love God, and they walk in, I'm just like watching the Cat Williams special from 2017.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:21

Like, all right, let me show you. Dude, I have a fucking I have a story for this. My I'd never watched From Dusk Till Dawn.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:29

And like it's just it's just sinners. All my that's what I've heard recently.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:34

30 years ago, yeah. But my buddies were like, dude, you gotta watch this, you gotta watch this. This is like a this is like a gatekeeping movie. Like, you have to watch this movie. Like it's 100%. You have to watch this. I'm like, all right, I'll watch it. Fuck, you know. So I'm watching it, and my grandma pops over at my house out of nowhere, and uh I pause it.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:50

Quentin Tarantino's just got Selma Hayek's foot in his mouth with tequila running down it, and your grandma's like, Oh, Neils, Neros Pertos.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:59

Dude, I so they're walking, they're walking in the desert coming up on the strip club, yeah, and I pause it, and because there's a knock at the door, and I'm like, oh hey, you know, you know, what's you know, whatever, blah blah blah. Come on in. I was like, I should probably change this. I think this is like a horror movie. So I change it and I put on some bullshit, uh, you know, put on the news or whatever, and I talk to her or whatever, and then she leaves. I was like, all right, I'll go back to the movie. The second I hit play, pussy, pussy, pussy, we got black pussy, brown pussy, yellow pussy, dry pussy, white pussy, old pussy. I'm like, holy shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:31

If I'm not mistaken, uh cheat Cheech Marin. Cheech Marin.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:34

And I was like, oh my god, if I let this play for a second, my grandma would have died. Yeah, she would 80 year old little little Irish lady with an afro who like is so religious. If you say fuck in front of her, she'll like faint like an actress from the 60s, you know? Oh man. I love fucking with her so much, though. She's like my favorite person to do bits with. Dude, that's awesome. It's unique. That she you need that she's viciously religious, like you know, like it and I'm atheist, so like she's been like trying to fix that for fucking 20 years now, but like in a in a loving way, she's like, You'll come around, but like they're like a guy hitting on a chick at a bar who's been like, I'm not I'm married, and he's like, One day, yeah, yeah, we'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:21

This sounds like a you problem.

SPEAKER_08 1:28:23

So we uh so me and when me and Paige first moved in together, we had a housewarming party because we got a house together, and uh my grandma pulls me to the side and she goes, She's like, Oh, Paige is just so nice and so sweet. I'm so happy for you guys. Like, oh, you guys are like such a nice couple, you have such a nice home. And I go, Yeah, thanks. And she's like, What's wrong? And I go, The only thing is that like Paige is like viciously atheist, you know, and like she's like very against being religious. And she goes, Is she really? Well, I'll pray on it. Maybe she'll turn around one day. And then like cut to like two, three hours later, we're having a fire in the backyard, and she walks up to me, she puts her hands on her hips, all sassy grandma-like, you know, and she goes, Matt, you were lying to me. I'm like, What do you mean? And she's like, I know Paige is an atheist because you guys have a painting of Jesus in your front room. I go, Grandma, that's fucking Snoop Dogg. That's Snoop Geodouble D as God. So good. Praise his name. And we're laughing so fucking hard. It's literally respect the fact she thinks he's black.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:28

The fact she was alright with black Jesus kind of means your grandma's a real one. Like the shit. She's an honorary black lady now.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:36

Like I don't so uh so the painting is like Jesus-esque, but it's Snoop Dogg. So that's why this hang in our fucking living room. It's ridiculous. But speaking of racist, I did up.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:45

I accepted it, though. It was like a Muslim uh Jesus, but she was like, What the fuck is this shit? She's not atheist. It's Jesus, isn't it? You're like, okay, grandpa. What the fuck is this? She's not Jesus. She just had blue eyes. It's the fucking Asian Jesus from fucking 21 Jump Street. Korean Korean. Korean Jesus.

SPEAKER_05 1:30:01

Dude, that shit was so good.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:03

So she uh, so I the other bit that I did to her, which I don't even know if she knows about to this day, is that we were at a wedding, uh, at my cousin's wedding, and so my grand, you know, my grand, me and my grandma, I'm drunk, my grandma's not, but we're dancing on the dance floor together. I'm fucking spilling jack and coke all over the place, and she's dancing with me. My grandma's fucking getting her jack and coke. She literally left to go tell on me because I was spilling so much of my drink. She's like, I'm going to tell your mom that you're spilling. So she left. I'm like, this is hilarious. I'm fucking 32 goddamn years old, you know? Yeah, which is hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:41

Oh, I was fine. And if you fall, like, that's on you. You shouldn't be on the dance floor. If you if you can't take a fall, you shouldn't be on the fall. She's like 85, so she should not be. She was like, I can't. I gotta, I gotta moff this up immediately.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:53

But she so she leaves, and uh, and this woman from the other family like dances over and she's like, Is that your grandma? I go, Yeah. She's like, You guys are so cute out here cutting up a rug. Oh my god, it's the most adorable thing ever. Your grandma's so cute. I go, Yeah, but she's like super racist. She's like, Is she really? She seems so sweet. I'm like, Yeah, she's racist.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:16

She's old enough to be racist.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:17

And that's exactly that's exactly what the lady says. She goes, Well, I guess it comes with that age, you know, like she's a different generation, you know, and like I couldn't have planned it better. My grandma dances over. It's like a sitcom. She dances over and she goes, Meh, you're not gonna believe what I just saw. I'm like, what's that? And the other lady is standing there telling her, and she goes, I just saw two boys kissing on the dance floor. I was like, Yes!

SPEAKER_04 1:31:42

Did I mention she's also a little homophobic? Bigot, dude. Yeah, bigot used to be such a great catch-all. You're like, look, this motherfucker just doesn't fuck around.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:53

If it's not white Jesus, we need to tell her to take the hood off to come into the wedding.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:59

Just your grandma just fitting with a fucking clean outfit. Just her wedding. Grandma, you can't have a patch on any dress. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:11

She just becomes it's nearly like a record.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:16

Can't see anything out of this fucking thing. Oh, that's fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:20

Oh man, it was so funny. I don't think I ever told that lady that McGramma's not racist. I was just fucking around. Well, then you're gonna go back to the way.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:27

I'm gonna drop that though. She was like, oh, I was I actually liked her when she was just racist. Now that I know she's a homophobe, I don't know if I can take this heat. I'm not Dave Chapel Roan. Dave Chappelle Roan has got to be my ska band now. I think I'm gonna release a whole project that's Chappelle Roan and then just get sued by both of them like in tandem.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:52

I love it.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:52

Oh, it's gonna be like and then their security guards are gonna come not get a knife away from you, but also make you cry.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:59

Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be brutal. I think I'm gonna be uh Dave without an E. And then, you know, I'll cut Chapel. I'm just gonna spell that like real chapel. Like the real like God style, you know, like it was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:13

And instead of singing bad pop songs, you're just gonna hit your thigh with your mic on stage all the whole night?

SPEAKER_04 1:33:19

Whole time, dude. That it will be my Andre 3000 flute. And look, I'll just have a bunch of reverb on it. I by the time I hit it, like my it just got effects on it. I've just got like a pedal. It's still just that one hit.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:37

It's just dude. Who was that comedian that had the fucking like the loop pedal?

SPEAKER_04 1:33:41

Oh, dude, Reggie Watts. Reggie Watts, dude.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:44

I fucking love Reggie Watts.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:45

Dude, he did a video with him, Flying Lotus, and fucking it's Reggie Watts, Flying Lotus, and I forget who the third person is, but it's epic. It's so epic. Recently? Oh, this is old. This is a while back. He's such an irreverent fucking comedian. I love him though. I forget who the third person is. It was on like fucking Ethan Klein's H3. Oh, okay. Which I was like, what the fuck? Because when I got into podcast, podcasting used to really be like the wildest shit. Yeah. They were just like, oh, we're just getting views, we're making like content. Now podcasting is hilarious because they've both just jumped on like a political bandwagon. Yeah. And they're like, oh, this is what we've got to hate all the time. And you're like, that's what I like while listening, like like Tuesdays with Stories is one of my favorite ones. Like Mark Norman still has a couple good podcasts where he kind of just says the dumbest shit. Yeah. Like Tuesdays with Stories is nice because they just literally talk about what their week has been like. Yeah. Because that's what catching up his friends is now. Just being like, okay, we gotta podcast this. Yeah. Which is still kind of sweet.

SPEAKER_08 1:34:53

I'd rather listen to that though than you know, listen to some fucking manosphere douchebag, like, you know, trying to convince you that you should only eat steak.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:02

I mean, look, dude, Rogan's gonna Rogan. Okay, he'll always be the guy.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:06

I I'm a fan of Rogan still. I mean you can disagree with somebody without villainizing him, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:11

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I mean I I can I can't listen to him anymore because he just he cracks me up too much. Like he just talks about he talks about the wrong things for way too long. Yeah. Like I remember when he dropped a video of him talking about Atlantis for like 15 minutes, and I was like, why are you doing that? And then he was he was talking to this college professor about how that guy does like heroin every day.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:32

Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh Carl.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:33

Yeah, and I was like I don't think this is the video heroin addicts need circulating through their buckets.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:39

He's like, You can do hero, I do heroin every day. What's the thing?

SPEAKER_04 1:35:41

But I just do a little bit. And it's like, yeah, that's great, man. Nobody else has that issue with hero. No heroin addict has ever been like, Look, dude, I've actually got it pretty under control. Yeah. If I if I took the amount of heroin addicts I've met who didn't have it under control as opposed to the one guy on Joe Rogan.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:58

Who can handle it?

SPEAKER_04 1:35:59

Uh yeah, it's it's a crazy dynamic. It's a weird hell to die on. It's like, dude, it's like when chicks talk about like how sex work is appropriate now, and I'm like, excuse me. I'm like, you cannot live in a world where you ever like allow men the luxury of sex work. Yeah. Because if you say like hookers aren't bad people, you're all gonna get AIDS. Like, we're gonna bring AIDS back. Like, we think we beat it with a pill. I'll tell you right now, hookerism will cut right through that pill, dude.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:32

Like, people were like it would be bad for society. Men would get divorced so quick. There'd be like no one would get married anymore. But that's what happened. There'd be horrible family court shit. Like, there'd be no one being held accountable for family issues. I it'd be fucking terrible. I think it'd be terrible for families.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:48

Yeah, people saw the the OnlyFans guy died, and people were so happy. And I was like, Why would you be happy about someone dying? It's but it was just so brutal because the the comment section, I don't like how funny they are when things are serious. When something awful has happened, why do the funniest people come out of the woodwork and they've got everything? I was like, Yeah, fuck dude. The comment section wins again.

SPEAKER_08 1:37:13

Dude, have you uh have you done have you done Ridley's? I mean like their open mic? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:19

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That was uh when I first started in this shit, I was like, I'll do every mic I can. Yeah. And I just how is that mic? Is it oh that mic is beautiful? Yeah. Especially right now that but it's hit or miss. If I were you, I'd be signing up for that that cusp in between where like it's just nice enough to go out, but not nice enough to do your own shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:37:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:42

Because like Ridley's everything changes in the summer. Because people are like, why the fuck would I come to your thing when I could I'm already doing somebody's doing something sweet in a backyard till forever. Yeah. Like I'm uh I've got a conversation with Kate Dore that might go four hours. Like, I don't know what to tell you. But like, dude, yeah, Ridley's like Ridley's in the fall is like just the best fucking room you've ever seen in your life. Because people are like, oh, I want to see the world and then go inside because it's getting chilly. And they're still running off that summer energy. Yeah. And but yeah, I mean, dude, this spring and summer, I've already you'd I sign up for I love Ridley's, like, and I've gone in there with like bullshit. I wrote like a set out, I wrote like uh I think I did, I think they they only had me doing five, but I wrote out a set that I just thought about like on the shit or next door. I was at Royal Oak Brewery, and their food is so good. I love that place, but Ridley's is fucked up now. I'm not saying Ridley's is fucked up, sorry, Bill Bichard. Uh shout out Bill Bichard. Um But it's it's brutal because like when I started doing it back in 2021, you could come in initial and then you could fuck off until you know your respective time. Like I would always sit at that bar, but they were like, no, now you have to like be in the green room. And I was like, the green room is made for three people tops. That green room's so tiny.

SPEAKER_08 1:39:05

And you got a lineup of like there's like 10 people in there for an open window.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:09

At least at least 10 people. There's usually like 15 comedians and a host just sweating their asses off in there. I mean, not even sweating there. No, I'm just saying, like, even if we have to line up down the dark hall.

SPEAKER_08 1:39:19

I was gonna see, can you at least leak down the hallway?

SPEAKER_04 1:39:21

Mind you, the hallway's dark. Like as a female comedian, I can only imagine how uncomfortable all of this is. Yeah. Like, I told people I was like, somebody was like, I'm surprised more chicks don't sign up for Kill Tony. And I was like, every bar in Austin that does comedy for some reason has a dildo claw machine. Like, it's unsettling. It's actually very real. Yeah, the place you wait to do Kill Tony. I could show you the picture, and it's just like a dildo claw machine. What the fuck, dude? Yeah. And I was like, I wouldn't want to be vagina.

SPEAKER_08 1:39:54

There is a lot of women, there's a lot of women. I mean, it's in the I feel like comedy is getting closer and closer to being 50-50, which is weird as fuck to me.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:02

We're about to light women on fire at the stakes. Like, I I hate to be this guy, dude. I look at the comment section, I'm like, people, this manosphere thing is a joke. People thinking like, oh, this guy made a documentary, it's gonna take down the manosphere. They're about to double down now. Yeah, you just it's like in a movie where they shoot the monster and it grows bigger and they go, that didn't work. Oh shit. Like, yeah, yeah. I saw a picture of some chick and it said, uh, I I respect men's right to shut the fuck up. And I was like, Don't, don't I I described it like this. I told this to my ex, and it was so funny because she's like this bisexual feminist. So anything I say that tries to like I'm trying to just show her what it feels like. Yeah, I said I said, Sometimes it feels like as a man, as a person who does not want to see women hurt in any way, shape, or form, you you know you're a girl dad too. Yeah, dude. Shout out Caitlin Jenner. Like, we both have daughters, we both want them to be, we both have moms, grandmas that we want to be treated well in this world, and less racist. And look, dude, even racist grandmas deserve love. Okay, dude. I I guarantee your racist grandma cooks good, it's bland, so you live a long time. Like your heart's never stopping off those mashed potatoes. But dude, I mean, and like, but I was like, sometimes it feels like like insane men, like you know, incels if you must, which I don't even if some guy's just not getting fucked, he's not the problem. It's the guys that are getting fucked being jerk offs, making all of us look bad, just the cops with their knees on the neck of feminism, like just George Floyding feminism all day. It's like I was like, that that that that like ongoing war is just gonna it's gonna turn into Salem Witch trial shit. Cause I'm like, I've heard psychopath dudes are just like, I don't know, dude, maybe if we could kick them in the their tits off.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:04

Like dude, I I have heard some I I I've heard some wild ideas come out of my my co-workers' mouths. You know, it's almost retaliation.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:14

They feel like it's a dog in a corner, yeah. That you're saying you ever try and get a dog out of a corner, right? And they're just like and a Pomeranian who would bite me.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:22

And I'm like, dude, this is just like loneliness that you're letting turn into something that's not. Like you're like you're watching videos that are making you an extremist, where you're like, oh, you you make these broad generalizations about women where they're like, oh, women are this and women are that, and you're like, dude, no, no, a woman was like that, and she fucked you over, and now you're generalizing about an entire population, and then and it's fucked up on the other side, and you're becoming a fucking extremist.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:52

Because at the end of the day, women aren't getting fed shit that like plays to that. This is the difference of men and women. It's like I would say that feminism was bad for women if they were bombing buildings. There's no woman that ever got hip to feminism and then was like, you know what, maybe I should kill a couple dudes. Yeah, like there's there it's just a lot of people. They're not going to fucking fret houses and shooting. For every guy who goes into manism and is just like, ah, you know what? We should do, we should teach them. It's like the worlds are totally it's like men teach men war and women teach women peace. And I'm like, but that really fucks you guys if you try and make it look like a war. Yeah. That's like if I wore a shirt that just said cops should suck my dick. I would be terrified every time I got pulled over. If I had a shirt that said cops can just suck my fat cock, and I'm just listening to the NWA suck police. I'd be terrified every time I ever left my house.

SPEAKER_08 1:43:50

Dude, the Manosphere shit is crazy. The way that they think is wild. And they're and and we've seen it though. The top handful of the these creators.

SPEAKER_04 1:43:59

We saw the the like gay pastors of the 90s being like, I hate homosexuality.

SPEAKER_08 1:44:04

Right, and they're getting caught in hotel rooms with trainings.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:07

Fucking guy. But like you see people even feeding, and then I'm like, how did you believe the gay pastor? Like, that's crazy. The gay pastor pulled one over you on you. Like you were like, Yeah, I hate gay people because of this super straight dude. You're like, dude, are you like I tell people all the time I go, I don't cut people off on politics, I cut you off on how dumb you are now. Yeah, if you're just dumb as shit, I can't get behind how stupid you are now. I'm like, yeah, this isn't left or right, man. This is up and down.

SPEAKER_08 1:44:38

Especially yeah, you start to like you start to be associated with a person whose ideas just suck, and you're like, dude, I can't I can't. You're making us all look I can't be your buddy. You're a fucking idiot, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:49

You're a leper, you're a literal, like mental leper.

SPEAKER_08 1:44:52

Like your like your stupid ideas about women are gonna rub off on my reputation, and I can't do that. I can't have you think that you know, women are the fucking pro women are all whores now, and they don't care about the family, and they this women were whores the whole time.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:09

Prostitution is the oldest profession. What are we talking about? No, they deserve that, okay. There's nothing wrong with a lady who would like to be a whore.

SPEAKER_08 1:45:18

To generalize about an entire population because you dated a girl from Westland and you're like, this is how all women are. That's such a brutal poll.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:26

I have like repped Westland my whole life.

SPEAKER_08 1:45:28

Fuck Westland, dude. You know every girl that comes out of Westland. That's awful, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:33

I met a girl who was a fucking she was getting her life together. And she lived in Dearborn Heights, and people were like, How can you fuck someone from Dearborn Heights? And I was like, because I've fucked women from Westland. Yeah, like I don't know. This is a step up. Yeah, this is actually, she's she's smart, but she does abuse drugs. So they're like, that's I'm just in Westland, she's dumb and she's an act. So it's like, I don't know, man. Fucking whatever your Jeopardy board is, like, dude, yeah, you're stepping up.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:01

Now you can move to Redford whores next.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:03

Yeah, I mean, like, well, this is the difference.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:05

It's a little step up every time.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:06

At one point, I moved in with the girl's dad and like her little brother, and that was a wild thing because her little brother was like going through an era of like, fuck everything. I'm gonna just rebel and just not go to school.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:22

And how old is her little brother? And he was like, dude, he was probably like 13 when that happened.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:28

At one point, no, no, this is the like the breaking point. At one point, he's legitimately like it was the funniest. Visually, if I painted it, it would be like a fucking something I'd hang on a wall. Yeah. But at one point, I'm in the basement just trying to like clean shit up around the house because her dad, we left. I was like, hey, if your little brother's gonna be like this, let's just go back to my buddy's house. We'll just rent kind of rent a room out to get our shit together. And then we did that, and like we were over there just helping her dad clean up shit. Cause her brother would throw these like rager parties and just be fucking gnarly. One time we walked in the basement and she goes, I went to school with that guy. And I was like, That's hungry. Hey, he's at a 13-year-old's party, dude. And just creepily. And she's like, Why the fuck is he here? And she because she was like, she like said the guy's name, like DJ, and he was like, Hey, what's up? And she's like, Why are you here? There's 15-year-old girls tops, yeah, and then just you, which is like clearly like 23, 24. And she was like, uh, but it but it was fucking hilarious because one time I'm down there, I'm trying to clean up like the aftermath of her brother's party, and I hear them screaming upstairs with each other, and I hear like shit knock around. So I run upstairs, they're all in like a walk-in handicap shower, like an easily like get-inable shower with no like the ledge thing, so so you could just like kind of stumble into it, and it's her, her dad, and her brother, and they're all like one person's tackling that like her brother is like trying to wrestle her, and then uh her dad is like got her brother on a headlock, and I was like, You guys are this is too much. This is fucking insane.

SPEAKER_08 1:48:18

Yeah, and it's you have three different gen you have three different generations wrestling each other in a fucking shower.

SPEAKER_04 1:48:26

And it might have, yeah, it might have even been her, it might have been. I can't even remember the exact stacking of the the pancake that was this bullshit. It could have been her dad, her, her brother, her, her dad, her brother. Like the whole thing was just fucked, and I was like, oh my god. But that's it's just funny because I mean that's that's kind of these are the kind of people I grew up around.

SPEAKER_08 1:48:49

And I like, and now when I now that I have my son's about to be 13, and I have a eight-year-old and a seven-year-old, and I'm like, you guys are growing up in such a different way than I grew up. It's insane. Like it's so different. It's insane. When I was 13, I was sm like it was I had a full-on smoking habit. I was going through like I was going through like three packs of cigarettes a week, you know, stealing virginity. For real. That's why my lungs are whistling right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:16

My lungs are whistling is that's such a that if that's not the next Gary Clark Jr. song, I'm I'm done listening to him.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:24

Shout out to Gary Clark Jr.

SPEAKER_08 1:49:26

Dude, uh, yeah, I I was like fully smoking, like stealing pack three packs of cigarettes of uh Virginia Slims from my mom a week. I was stealing her two dollar bill collection to support my you know corner stored habit. You know, and and like my my 12-year-old who's about to be 13, and like I say like a certain word in front of him, and he's just like and he just can't handle it. He's like, Oh my, his whole head turns red. The other day I made a joke about uh oh god, what do you what did he say to me? Oh, it was it was St. Patty's Day, and he's like, You're not wearing green. I got my thongs green. He goes, What's that? I go, What's a thong?

SPEAKER_04 1:50:07

Dude, he didn't even have an anthem like we did. At the age of nine. A music legend known as Cisco. Definitely not with a K. Definitely with a Q. Definitely loves dragons way too much. Oh, the CD gun. Dude, him and his silver hair. He just looks like a character from Fifth Element. I thought it was Chris Tucker.

SPEAKER_08 1:50:26

I swear to God, I thought he was Chris Tucker.

SPEAKER_04 1:50:28

The funny thing, I literally walk into the bar the other day. I sit down, Fifth Element's on, I'm like, let's fucking go. Oh yeah. And unfortunately, it was already when they were like getting to the like vacation chip. Oh. But still, because the beginning of Fifth Element is so banger. But with no audio, it was good to just jump into the action. Yeah. But I just love how like in 90s sci-fi movies, they'd be like, what could make this movie insane? And they're like, I don't know, black president. And they're like, whoa!

SPEAKER_05 1:50:56

Don't you do it? Dude, you better chill down. You better chill. Dude, and then that's that's how you know they're in the future. Yeah. It's way down the line.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:08

Black guy with blonde waves, Chris Tucker. Dude, the best part is the black president in this movie is Debo from Friday.

SPEAKER_05 1:51:16

So it's like it's just the most horrific image of my.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:21

That's why I love idiocracy, where it's fucking Terry Cruz with a fucking like mullet. I'm like, yeah, dude, if that black president popped out, we would know we've gone too far.

SPEAKER_08 1:51:32

Like, stop feeding the crop's catering, you fucking idiots.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:37

Dude, it's so good.

SPEAKER_08 1:51:38

Oh, holy shit. Dude, that made me di that made me laugh so hard. I fucking got dizzy. It's fucking the president's fucking D bo. Dude, the president's this alien is born an hour ago and she's a hot redhead, and then she looks at a billboard and she's like, oh, me. It's like she doesn't show up. She read a billboard in a language that's like a big thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:59

That's probably that. Yeah. Russian kind of makes me feel like I'm like, those are just N's and H's, right? Look at those idiot letters. That's why they sound like they're fucking auctioneers. I I look at Russian letters and I'm like, it sounds like they're in reverse.

SPEAKER_08 1:52:13

I take a whack out of them.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:14

I would take a whack at just fucking Mila Yovovich style. Just me like, I don't mean it would say help me in Russia too. I think every billboard just says help me.

SPEAKER_08 1:52:24

The billboard in the fifth element literally says help me, and she's in the back of the taxi, and that's what she says. It's so ridiculous. And then Bruce Willis is like, Oh, you gotta see the legs on her. That's why I'm helping her on the s on his fucking phone.

SPEAKER_04 1:52:38

Well, dude, I love that movie because, like I said, I walked in this bar and it was just playing on one of the TV is always sports, cooking channel, TV. Beat beat Bobby Flay, fucking like I think this was on AMC, and AMC was blessing us because three days ago I was there and Die Hard was on. Like he had just he was getting changed, and they walked in with the guns, and I go, Fuck yes, dude. Because honestly, man, number one Christmas movie ever. Yeah. The movie is literally about a guy whose wife that doesn't love him anymore could possibly get killed and make his life super easy. And then he fucking fights for her life. The first part of the movie is him looking at an exit door, and then I would have been like, well, this is between you and God. And I would have fucking been out of the way.

SPEAKER_08 1:53:26

I gotta take my dress shoes off and crawl around in ducks.

SPEAKER_04 1:53:29

Yeah, dude, what do you mean? I gotta cut my feet up and fucking jump around in duck bits. Like, no, dude, this is this seems like things that Guy with Love does. Yeah. Me, I I took a plane here.

SPEAKER_08 1:53:40

I watched Independence Day at home sliced pizza waiting to do a spot in Toledo.

SPEAKER_04 1:53:46

Dude, that'll really bring it home.

SPEAKER_08 1:53:48

I was like, Paige was like, are you gonna talk to me? And I'm like, I forgot how good this fucking movie is.

SPEAKER_04 1:53:54

I just watched, I just scrapped my Mustang and had to watch. But I only watched it from them in the the Alien ship. By the time they were in the alien ship, that's when I walked in the bar. When Jeff Goldblum, yeah, yeah, I had to scrap my Mustang. Divorces are ugly. Yeah. Recently? Oh yeah. Like it just happened? Oh, it just happened. The wound is still so funny.

SPEAKER_08 1:54:17

Like last Sunday? Oh, like. Oh, that's when I was in Toledo. Or no, two Sundays ago. I want to say, yeah. We were watching Independence Day on AMC at the same time. Two Sundays ago, yeah. Two Sundays ago. I was in I was in Ohio doing a spot at home slice pizza.

SPEAKER_04 1:54:32

I was talking to a shout out Dave Crumbly. I was talking to like a 70-something year old pipe fitter about how he was like Trump might be the greatest president there ever was. And I was like, let's go back to the thing where we love Independence Day. And then we just talked about like love in life. Because I was like, I'm not gonna shit on this 76-year-old man. Yeah, you're 76. If you're a racist grandma, you can do that. You're like, I don't know. You you can't remember a time where you'd be like a loser if you didn't do it. Can you imagine being in a time where they're like, what do you mean you don't say the N-word, dude? What are you gay?

SPEAKER_08 1:55:05

You're like, no, I think it's more off I think it's more off-putting to meet an old person who's got like blue hair and his like hip.

SPEAKER_04 1:55:13

It's so creepy. Because I'm like, you think you're doing the new shit. Yeah. It's like, no, you're you're ridiculous.

SPEAKER_08 1:55:20

I saw a 70-year-old dude with a center part and skinny jeans on the other day down in Roy Lokan. I was like, what are you doing? Stop. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 1:55:28

I was like, come on, my girlfriend's 32 kid. I don't know what to tell you. It was gross. Yeah, don't try and keep up with the time. I tell people, I'm like, dude, I was so glad when I just didn't understand anything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:55:39

Like when I felt myself not understand a reference, and I was like, made it out of the It was like Family Guy for the first 10 years, and then you're like, then you start growing up, you're like, oh, I have better things to do. I do understand that Richard Gere had a hamster in his ass at one point. Yeah, yeah. And also his middle name is Leslie.

SPEAKER_04 1:55:57

Well, yeah, yeah, Leslie. It is, dude. His name's actually a pedophile Trump. But he changed it to Richard Geere.

SPEAKER_08 1:56:06

That's a fucking dude. You're suddenly Floyd Jones, the professional. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:10

Richard Gears of War. I want that game where it's it's Gears of War, but you're constantly trying to pull fucking hamsters off of her ass. Why is this the same age? Why is this in third person?

SPEAKER_08 1:56:23

Dude, Richard Gears' middle name is Tiffany.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:26

Oh, that is wild, dude. Richard Tiffany Gears.

SPEAKER_08 1:56:30

Richard Tiffany Gear.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:32

I knew a chick whose middle name was Michael because her dad was like, you will have one part of me in your name.

SPEAKER_08 1:56:37

Like you're like a fucking George, like a George uh fuck Foreman, George Foreman. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:44

All of his kids' name are George of some sort. Dude, I have an uncle who has like 11 kids and all of them start with Mark. Like in some way, shape, or form. It's it's M-A-R- and then a K or a C. He's done it all. He's done all the remixes. If you said 11 random, presumably black names that started with Mar and then ended with a K or a S, you'd name them all. You'd be like boom, boom. I'd be like, it'd be like a Jeopardy board. It'd be like fucking wheel of fortune.

SPEAKER_08 1:57:13

Mark, Marcus, Marquisha, De Marcus.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:17

No, no, he never starts it off. Oh, always Mark first. Always Mark first.

SPEAKER_08 1:57:22

There's no Demarcus's or Jamarcus's. No. I feel like I'm getting dangerous territory.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:29

We all are. Let's do it. Let's make guys. You heard it right now. We didn't want to spoil it for you. We're making a superhero movie called pedophile trump Epstein about a good guy who's just misunderstood.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:54

We're never gonna address it. It's just a bad name. It's just fully exactly what Superman was, but that's his name.

SPEAKER_08 1:58:02

He's like a good dude who's a youth pastor, like an actually good guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:58:05

It just says BTE. It just says BTE all the time on his gloves. And then you're like, oh yeah, his name is Wild.

SPEAKER_08 1:58:14

Why the fuck is he named that? I don't know. They just wanted to see if they could do it. Me and my brother talked about we were gonna do uh we were gonna do like a like the 50th episode or something or the hundredth episode or something like of this show, and we're like, we should we should dress up as something and then never address it. And what we agreed on was like stereotypically black women church outfits with like with like purple dresses and huge hats and wigs for sure, glasses, bead chains. I do it the whole thing, and then he's like, We're gonna do this, and then we're gonna talk about serious shit the whole time. It's gonna be like depression, anxiety, fucking physics, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 1:58:51

You guys start crying, but you're both in like full black lady drag. Right now, never address it, dude. I can't believe grandma's homophobic, you know? It's just like I might be gay right now, dude. Like, you guys, she can't watch that episode, dude. If she just saw two guys kiss fucking like a couple years ago, she's gonna burn down the house. You might as well play her that scene in from Dustel Dome. We got black booze, we got dry booze, we got boozy, boozy, boozy. You might as well give her the pussy scene from Bro Dust Love just to ease her into what she's done. Grandma, I know that was wild, but have you seen my podcast? Yeah, and then it just like cuts.

SPEAKER_08 1:59:27

I hope she has not seen a fucking second of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:59:30

That's gonna become the new like telling your parent you're gay. It's like, dad, I know this is gonna be rough, but I have a podcast.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:38

He's gonna be like, God damn, it's not you two, everybody's got one.

SPEAKER_08 1:59:43

Dude, it's gonna we're gonna hit critical mass where everyone has a podcast and no one talks to anybody unless it's on a podcast.

SPEAKER_04 1:59:50

Yeah, it's just arranging friendships. It's like being like, Look, I don't want to actually know anything about you, but for one time, I would like to talk to you for three hours. So I can have an episode out there. Yeah, it's like it's like it's like dive bars without the guy who shouldn't be there. Yeah. Like nothing is worse than when I'm at a dive bar. I try and give someone that respective chair, and then one terrible person sits in the chair and like kind of cuts the siphon, like they bend the hose, and then me and the other person are just done. Yeah. Because we both just it's like when if you again, this doesn't happen unless you're George Michael, but if you're in a bathroom and you're talking to somebody at a stall and you're bullshitting, and then a guy comes in between, it can't be a three-piece. No, we're not talking anymore. We can't, it's over.

SPEAKER_08 2:00:36

You look I had that happen to me waiting to do a set at the roadhouse in Lavonia. Oh yeah, yeah. It was like the corner. The corner guy skip a chair, me skip a chair, a guy. Oh yeah. And it was like that for like an hour. I got there way too fucking early. And a guy comes over, he's like, is anyone sitting here? I'm like, yeah, the fucking ghost that prevents me from having to talk to that guy and that guy. Like, he's like, Oh, I'm gonna take it. And then he sits down, I'm like, fucking come on, dude. So I'm like scooting over and like I'm fucking like making a point to like be on my phone so I don't have to talk to this normie who's just gonna be like, Oh, did you see that we're gonna get another four inches this week? Shut the fuck up forever.

SPEAKER_04 2:01:15

Don't fucking talk to me. No, dude, I was in office depression, and that place was around the corner from my house. So before they even did comedy there, I used to go there for lunch just to kind of remember what the world is. Yeah. And I watched a guy like plead for like the N-word, like to the point where like that got done, and I went to the waitress, I talked to the waitress, I was like, that was wild. That was the wildest 30 minutes of my life. What do you mean? He was pleading for it, like to be able to say it. I don't, yeah, he was like, I don't get I can't say it. And I go, This is and I'm just like at the end of the bar. Basically, so I get to like kind of just like watch him in just like pure awe. Yeah, I'm in pure awe because I don't need to say anything. You could say all the words that are left. There's like a million of them. Yeah. So, but this guy was so funny because he gets done, he leaves, and I was like, that was wild, right? And she goes, Oh, that guy? No, we just call him N-Word Ron. Like, that's just that's kind of you think that's the the first time he's he's dropped. That's his favorite bit. That was his like, yeah, that was his favorite, and not bit, but like literally like like I'm talking like mayoral speech, mayoral speech about like everything.

SPEAKER_08 2:02:27

Trying to convince the world, it's just letters arranged in a certain way. Why can't I say it?

SPEAKER_04 2:02:33

My grandpa pedophile Trump Epstein said, if you can't have any name. This isn't the America I grew up in. And dude, yeah. I want to be able to say those letters in that order, god damn it. Well, the funny thing is, I then saw him. He ruined, he called a comedian, lo and behold, his favorite word. He called a black comedian that at the roadhouse, and I go, Oh, that's why they call him N-word Ron. Oh my god. Oh, this goes way farther than I thought he was just kind of having the speech amongst his white brethren. Yeah. Turns out he fucking pulls that shit off the clock. And I was like, dude.

SPEAKER_08 2:03:11

Dude, I tell you what, like that was one that was one of my I didn't mean my ex had a terrible relationship, but I I tell you what, the the the most interesting thing, the perspective shift that I had by being in an interracial relationship is that I sit next to a guy and he's like, I'm safe to say what I want to say. And I and like and I'm like, oh, keep telling me all this horrific, ignorant shit that you want to say because you think I'm like you because I got a fucking red beard and I'm wearing a car heart hat.

SPEAKER_04 2:03:44

He's like, You look just like me, brother. Yeah. Boy, what it feels like to be in this car with us, and you're like, I'm walking. Dude, I was rather walking.

SPEAKER_08 2:03:51

I was sitting at a bar in Canton. We were sit we were staying out of a hotel because me and my brother were flipping a house in Canton and we were working fucking crazy on it.

SPEAKER_04 2:04:01

Mavericks, uh, the rusty, what is it, the rusty crow or something?

SPEAKER_08 2:04:04

I don't remember. This was like 2014. Wow. These things probably weren't even. Yeah, I have no idea. But it's on that strip where all like the fucking, you know, like there's like the Lowe's, and then there's like all those restaurants and shit. Everything. Yeah, yeah. So we're sitting at whatever bar was walking distance from the hotel, motel, holiday in.

SPEAKER_04 2:04:23

Oh, you were at Mulligan's pub. Yes, I was. Yeah, I daddy. And you look too Irish for that. Yes, the fuck I was in Mulligan's pub.

SPEAKER_08 2:04:32

So I'm sitting at the pub with my brother and our buddy who was working for us at the time, and me and my brother look like seven-year different twins. Like, and then our buddy is a bald metal head with gauges, a septum piercing, and a long fucking beard. So, like, he looks like Phil Anselmo, you know. He's I've got those he's about to yell fucking white power on a mic, you know? Yeah, yeah. He looks like a human swastika. And this guy, and this guy is wearing a literal NASCAR jacket, like an MM NASCAR jacket. It couldn't have been more of a caricature of a racist douchebag. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he's like, ah, sure. Fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Saying all this fucking ignorant shit. And then he's like, Oh fuck, look who just walked in. And it was our friends. The buddy, yeah, the metal husband. No, no, it was no, it was our black friends. Oh my god. And he's like, Oh, look at what fucking walked in. I thought, god damn it, fuck, you can't have a nice place in town anymore, blah, blah, blah. Fuck, they're leaking in from fucking Wayne or whatever. And I was like, God damn west land. And I'm like, God, yeah, dude, that's fucking. I know, dude. They're coming from Redford, they're coming from Wayne. It's terrible. Hey, hey, Dave, come over. We're right here, dude.

SPEAKER_04 2:05:38

You make him take the seat right next to the guy.

SPEAKER_08 2:05:40

And then I'm just staring at him. I'm like, you okay, fucking Cletus? You fucking.

SPEAKER_04 2:05:45

He's like, my name is Dale Earnhardt Pedophile Jr. Okay. How dare you disrespect my name? Dude, I met I met a pair of kids, uh well, not a pair of kids. I met a father and a son doing like a NASCAR like driving simulator job in Indiana years ago. Okay. And I met them and the dad's got the three tattooed on him. And I was like, it camo, camo background in the three, which is so funny. And then sure enough, I go, Man, you really love Dale Earnhardt. And he goes, brother, you you don't even get me started. I'll get tear your eye, okay? Brace Dale, Braisdale. His son just lifts up his fucking shit. He has the same placement of it, but it's the eight of Dale Earnhardt Jr. And I was like, Oh my god, this is the cutest white track moment I've ever seen in my life. Both camo. Both camo numbers.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:37

The cutest shit of all time.

SPEAKER_04 2:06:39

You guys probably fuck your mom so sensually. Like at the same time, like, oh my god, when you guys fuck your mom, there's like love involved. Dude, I uh she probably has a six and a nine with camo just as a tram stamp.

SPEAKER_08 2:06:53

Dude, I uh I I was on a job and we all have to wear high viz because we're you know we're in construction, and uh this operator was wearing a camo hoodie and a high viz jacket, and I go, and he's a he's a hick, just a dumb fucking hick. And I go, I don't remember his name. I think his name was what the fuck was his name? Oh, his name was Eric. And I go, Eric, Eric, you gotta make up your fucking mind, dude.

SPEAKER_04 2:07:16

Yeah, dude, you're living in a lot of worlds right now. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_08 2:07:18

I was like, you got a storm cloud of a fucking you know of hypocrisy.

SPEAKER_04 2:07:24

Yeah, you want us to see us you know, do you want me to see or not?

SPEAKER_08 2:07:27

And he's like, What are you talking about? I was like, You don't understand what I'm doing right now? Camo hive viz, dude, which is a fucking choice.

SPEAKER_04 2:07:34

You just look like a ghost, you just look like a stop sign that is just like in the road, kind of. Like, I think it's a poll.

SPEAKER_08 2:07:41

You're a storm front, you got hot and cold. Like, what do you want here? And he just never understood. I'm like, you're a fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_04 2:07:47

How do you uh that's hilarious? I do keep I shout out to camo. I keep a camo hat in my car for any rough spots. You can fit in. Anytime a cop pulls me over, pop on that camo. I'm a good one. Somebody had to break the news to me that this was like a like a pride hat, and I was like, I just bought it because of the psychedelic colors. Yeah. And they're like, no, yeah, there's like all the flags and stuff, and I was like, Well, they can be gay. Like, I'm not, I don't, I don't want anybody, but yeah, I'm cool. Yeah, I like drugs more than I like the gay movement. I don't know what to say. No offense to you guys. No offense to you guys. I kind of bought some tie-dye shit by the way.

SPEAKER_08 2:08:25

It's their fault that you picked every fucking color, okay?

SPEAKER_04 2:08:27

Yeah, yeah. You guys, you picked all the cool colors, like which is all of them. Yeah, yeah. Now, honestly, I say we just are calling gays colored. Like, that's just that's what it is from now on. He really leaned into it, like, I will talk it out. We'll talk it out. We'll see how they feel about it.

SPEAKER_08 2:08:44

You gotta pick all the letters and all the colors? You fucking god damn it, dude. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 2:08:49

Honestly, from now on, I'm calling them Muppets. Since they've got all the colors, letters. You're fucking Muppets. I don't know how to tell you guys this, dude. You get to be PBS at best. G. Yeah, yeah. Hey. Yeah, gh. B.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:06

And then you're like, uh gay. I was thinking put the letters together.

SPEAKER_01 2:09:13

Yeah, just hand-drawn animations of gay.

SPEAKER_08 2:09:16

You start trying fucking training kids on all the terms they're gonna have to know to be an ally. Oh, yeah, yeah. Voy, your voy, your voyeurism, voyeurism.

SPEAKER_04 2:09:30

Mom, isn't a voyeur just a peeping tom? And like, no, no, that was when we still thought it was bad. No, no, now we've just lead to the biggest.

SPEAKER_08 2:09:37

Now we invite them into our house.

SPEAKER_04 2:09:39

Yeah, yeah. See Floyd Jones' article about how hookers brought AIDS back, how hookers beat prep. How hookers beat, yeah. Dude, I met a okay, so this is hilarious. Before I quit my job, uh, I met a guy I was working with, and he told me, he was like, Oh, I'm a swinger. And of course, I was like, Well, what's the silliest shit you've seen? And he goes, one time this guy brought in a barrel. I go, Wow, like classic, like barrel. Wood barrel. Wood barrel. Like smashing Donkey Kong, like Donkey Kong barrel, yes, exactly. Like Diddy was not inside of it. Okay, but honestly, in his world, Diddy Kong definitely hit dude. That's why it was Diddy Kong this whole time. Puff Daddy was like, I love a little that's weird. But uh, he said this guy brought in the the barrel and he he pops the top on it, and he goes, I thought he was gonna like bend a chick over this barrel and like fuck or something. He goes, Guy pops the top to the barrel, gets inside of the barrel, and just watches him have sex with somebody's like presumably mom at least, and and I was like, What the fuck? Like that 70s like cartoon dude where his eyes and nose are hanging over the edge of the fucking home improvement neighbor, but like it was Wilson's saddest Wilson ever saddest Cock Wilson dude ever. What the fuck? But the best word is he goes, at one point the guy just goes. And I was like, ah!

SPEAKER_08 2:11:07

He's fucking he's got a kink of a barrel.

SPEAKER_04 2:11:10

It would have been funny there, funnier though, if he he kind of leaned down, he was uh invisible in the barrel, cork pops out of the barrel, it's his dick, okay, then pulls the dick back inside of the barrel, plot change, and then he just looks through it with his eye just to know a guy pops out. There's just like a one-cum tear going down the hole.

SPEAKER_08 2:11:30

What the fuck, dude? Yeah, I was like the guy so I was just talking about the house where you're flipping, the guy, the investor on that house, there was a barrel in there was uh was a fucking swinger. Oh and he had been cucking this guy who he called fucking coot cut to kinte for years. He's been fucking his wife in front of him. The guy was super into it.

SPEAKER_04 2:11:52

He's clearly cuck to kinte. That's crazy. He didn't. How'd you miss that? How do you just miss a cuck it's right there? Fucking soft pitch slow pitch. But he uh or kuntakinted. But he told me you gotta call it something sexy. Cunta Kente is fucking.

SPEAKER_08 2:12:07

So he was calling him fucking that or Toby, and he's like, So we're like, we're in this house, we're working on it. He goes, Hey, you guys are you guys are gonna be gone like this day, right? We're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're we don't we're not working the weekends this week. So I the whatever, the next week or whatever, he comes back to the house to check on it and he starts telling me the story. He goes, I couldn't have you guys here because I because Toby and his wife came here. Yeah, the keyboard came. And I'm like, and I go, yeah. And he goes, Yeah, I put Toby in a dog cage in the bushes out front while I fucked his wife on the on the flooring of the in the front room. Like the flooring stacked up like four feet high. He I'm like, you're plowing chicks. I'm like, this is fucking I don't want to be involved in this. This is feeling like a murder is about to happen, and now it's where I'm working every day. I don't like this, dude. I don't want to be involved in this dangerous game you're playing. Well, dude, I mean, like I said in a dog cage in the bushes outside in downtown Canton.

SPEAKER_04 2:13:08

Dude, well, that's the thing. Like, when I was doing Dish, like I already met a couple people where I was like, oh no. Yeah. Like I met a guy who was just like a full hoarder, like house full of flies, and like kibbles and bits everywhere. Like he walked, he was like, hey, I was like, hey, we're this many minutes away, and he was like, Oh, that's cool, man. Uh, just so you know, it's like a dog kennel in here. My coworker, my the the trainer's been there 20 years, he already knows what the fuck this looks like. And we walk in there, and because I go, Do you want me to close the door? He goes, Yeah, either way. I should have left it open. And I closed it like a stupid idiot, and then just the whiff of the house just hits me. Walk over, doesn't even have his HDMI cable plugged into a speaker, like a cable box. Like my trainer goes, What do you see wrong here? And I go, Everything. Like this guy, even if his shit was hooked up right, he's not getting cable with this. But we hooked up everything right. He's like, we had to activate some shit, and then but I literally picked up an HDMI cable and when I grabbed it, like 30 fruit flies all awakened from their slumber, like like hell demons. And I was like, How much does this happen to you? And he was like, way too much. Yeah, it's fucking dish network, dude.

SPEAKER_08 2:14:21

Yeah, I know. Yeah, you're not working for some high fucking quality broads like at Comcast.

SPEAKER_04 2:14:26

Comcast was like, Look, look, I can't fuck you, but you can fuck my slut sister, okay? You wanna be on a little piece of that? Yeah, she's got a coke addiction and three kids. Do my dad You don't get me though.

SPEAKER_08 2:14:38

My dad, one of my dad's fucking side hustles when he was freshly divorced from my mom was was putting door hangers for door dish network on people's handles. So he would hand us stacks of like 300 dish network fucking door hangers that had his code on the bottom. And we'd be like, all right, guys, you got this block, you got that block. I'm like, looking back, did he make a fucking penny off of all of that children?

SPEAKER_04 2:15:05

I think he he the what he got paid was not enough if I can't get it.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:08

Because like you're people are calling and they're not giving that code. Like, they don't give a fuck if you get paid for it. And we're hand we're walking tens of miles a weekend that were over there doing this for him. I'm like, hey, we don't ever see you. Can we like go see a movie, not do child labor handing out fucking dish network door hangers for you?

SPEAKER_04 2:15:29

Well, he's like, this is how I make the movie money. Like, if you guys want to do something like that.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:32

No, that's how he was taking whores from Westland out to movies, is by our dish network labor.

SPEAKER_04 2:15:37

Whores from Westland can't they don't have the attention span for the right.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:41

It's also redundant, isn't it? To say whores from Westland. Westland. It's like yeah, Westland can be a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 2:15:47

Anyone from Westland girls, yeah. They're they are I mean, but I met girls from Garbage Shitty, which is what they call Garden City, which is brutal. And then there's some mild ones too.

SPEAKER_08 2:15:58

That's like the same, isn't it? Garden City.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:00

Until you get to Livonia where the cops are real, nothing matters. Like honestly, like all of Westland and Garden City kind of merge. Romulus is just that's like the that's the black rooms of of like America. I don't know, Romulus.

SPEAKER_08 2:16:15

Romulus is like you start getting like hicks, but they're all breathing in like the airport fumes constantly.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:21

So they're all fucking weird and fucked up. But when you go to like real Romulus, like like I've I don't see like country people like at the little Caesars. No. Like it's just like everybody in there is like a young black kid. Yeah. And then, but yeah, and I'm like, oh yeah, but they do countries. It's kind of Taylor-ish. But Taylor-ish. Taylor, they definitely lean more into their country. I I kind of love Romulus because Taylor's got back. Romulus is the country of people, the country is white dudes, and then like the youngest black kids. Yeah. And nothing ever goes wrong in Romulus. Like, Romulus is so big that they kind of weirdly keep it together. Yeah. Like Westland is, I think Westland is just big enough for you to stop caring about it. It's like when a kid is, you still have to hold it, but they flail. And then you're like, uh, well, this I'm gonna just put you down. I'd rather you cry right now. Yeah. It looks like you're gonna learn how to stand a lot. But like that's what Westland is. Nobody gives a shit. It's too they're like, we're just Canton's dumb little brother. Yeah. And then we're yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:17:20

And Canton is just trying so hard to stay nice.

SPEAKER_04 2:17:24

Oh, and it's I mean, it's not doing great.

SPEAKER_08 2:17:26

It's it's like just okay. It's yeah, it's like an okay neighborhood in Warren. Yeah, yeah. And they're and they're like, oh, this is fire. This here's a$400,000 three-bedroom ranch in the sunflower neighborhood in Canton, and you're like, this is just okay. Like, this isn't even a nice neighborhood. You're like, this is my backyard, is literally I hit a pothole the size of a bathtub on the way here. Like and you're like, this is the fucking this is a half million dollar house.

SPEAKER_04 2:17:51

I mean, I started a comedy show in Canton, and that's how I knew it was on a downslope. I said, Oh my god, Canton's Canton needs me for entertainment. Like, this is guys.

SPEAKER_08 2:18:00

Are you still doing a mic in Canton?

SPEAKER_04 2:18:02

No, no, it's still going on, you know. Like I started it uh Canton Brewworks, it's right where Nicole's uh mic now, is that the one she does? Uh Ned Rice does that one. Ned Rice, I don't know Ned Rice. He used to have a room in Canton, and he was like, dude, he wrote for like Jimmy Kimmel, or not Jimmy Kimmel, sorry, he wrote for real people. He wrote for like Anthony Jesselnick. Anthony Jesselnick had a show on Comedy Central in like 2013. Yeah. He wrote on that Jesselnik offensives. Dude, he wrote with yeah, he wrote with Craig Ferguson, he wrote for Jay Leno. Crazy.

SPEAKER_08 2:18:32

Like what a reminis resume.

SPEAKER_04 2:18:34

Well, the beauty is I met him when I started doing comedy because he had uh a room over at like Michigan Avondenton area. Okay. Like right at like the border of Canton and Ipsy. Yeah. And uh it was this nice little fucking pub. And but like obviously the people that will walk in there and be like, uh, like, why are they doing comedy? Because it's like a place where they're like, oh, our salad's good. Yeah. If you go somewhere and the salad's real, don't do comedy, don't do comedy. No.

SPEAKER_08 2:18:59

No, you want you want a place like the Roadhouse. You want a dingy bar with a girl with a with a 20-year-old waitress who's got her tits completely out.

SPEAKER_04 2:19:06

Like that's a kind of dingy place you want to we want to do comedy or but I ended up uh I gave it up because you know, Parenthood, sure, the old lady, and then but I gave it to Ned because I was like, dude, you already if I wouldn't even be doing comedy as much as I do, because like what the first time I he ever saw me do comedy, we were just standing outside of Marashino's. I got there super early. You gotta think I'm like nervous and shit. So I'm like, oh get there early, talk to the host, try and get on soon. Yeah. And he just like, I was like, oh, I'm kind of nervous. And he's like, Oh, you want a cigarette? We just smoked a cigarette, he talked about all the shit he's done, and then we went in and it was five minute sets, and I went up and I did my set, but I like filmed it. I like filmed myself from the side and then I looked at the video and it was like almost nine minutes long, and I was like, Why'd you let me go for so long? He was like, dude, you were killing. Yeah. He was like, No more rule in comedy. He's like, if you're killing, I'm not lighting you. Yeah. He's like, I didn't like you. He goes, honestly, I'll only let you out of respect to the other comedians, because I can't have everybody asking to do 10 minute sets. Yeah. And I was like, Fuck yeah, dude. So he kind of gave me the confidence to even because mind you, I knew he was what he is. And then it's funny, I he he had me help him send an email. And he literally I drove out to Ann Arbor just to help him with some like little shit. And his office is just like pictures of like him and Colin Quinn at the age of 30, like in 1990 when they lived in LA or worked in New York together, and I was like, dude, this is fucking insane. Like he told me one time he was uh at a coffee shop with young Jon Stewart, and Jon Stewart was like, I don't know, man, I'm thinking about quitting. I don't think I'm like this is me. And he was like, No, no, you're definitely fucking gonna be something. Like, keep at it.

SPEAKER_08 2:20:49

And I was like, that's just man, that's that's a scary fucking thing. Like that tipping point thing where it's like I almost quit and then something happens. Like, that scares the shit out of me because I'm I like I've heard I've heard that story about somebody else. They were like about to quit. They're like, I can't do this, I got fucking kids, I gotta feed my family, like I can't fucking do this anymore, I can't be gone until midnight anymore. And then they got like SNL or whatever the fuck, and it was like, holy shit, dude, you were so close to never fulfilling your dream, you know?

SPEAKER_04 2:21:18

That's what Kill Tony was for me. I was like so ready to be like, ah, fuck it, fuck comedy. I don't nobody's seen me do the thing, why does it matter now? And now it's funny because now like the pressure's on, everybody, like, especially like hometown hero shit. Yeah, everybody's like, dude, I say people are like hitting me up still now, like, oh, I was catching up on episodes and I just saw your shit. Yeah. So it's like funny to think about that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:21:42

Did that move the needle for you at all?

SPEAKER_04 2:21:43

Like with followers or anything like that. I mean, views for sure. Like, people definitely watch your shit now. Yeah, yeah. Like, I mean, TikTok does nothing for and also TikTok's disgusting. Don't go to TikTok. On TikTok, you can have sex with your brother and your sister at the same time.

SPEAKER_05 2:21:58

Like TikTok's so gross.

SPEAKER_04 2:22:00

But uh, like I I posted the video of me just playing the I think it's the drum one. It's either that or Charizard. The Charizard joke, but it got like 75k. Yeah. And I was like, this never happens on any like Instagram doesn't give a shit. Right. But also I'm like, oh, you guys do sh like you shuffle things around so weirdly in algorithms. Like I had one video that did well on Instagram, and it was because I make a symbol joke. I go, um, if you're single, it's because of your best friend. Next topic. Like, that's just what the joke was. It was just like Yeah. And then but they were like feeding that to everybody. And people were like, I just kept getting likes all day, and I was like, Jesus Christ. That was like my first taste of like, oh, short and simple. Like a sort of short and simple. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:22:45

Dude, one of the videos that we had that I got that I posted that got a shitload of views, which I was like, this is just a throwaway dumb video. Me and my fiance sat at a table at a pub that I used to go to all the time, and in the table I had carved M plus K in the table forever, and it was my ex's initials, and I go, Oh, we should probably move. And she's like, So I took a video, like a Snapchat video joking around because Paige was like, Oh, that's fucking dumb. Why would you do that? And I was like, I was drunk, whatever. And that was the end of the conversation. But I posted a Snapchat, a Snapchat as a joke that said, like, you ever been in trouble for some dumb shit you carved 10 years ago? And I zoomed in on her like resting bitch face. Yeah. And it got like a hundred thousand views like the next day on Instagram.

SPEAKER_04 2:23:35

Oh, that is hilarious.

SPEAKER_08 2:23:37

It got like a hundred thousand fucking views.

SPEAKER_04 2:23:40

Brutal.

SPEAKER_08 2:23:41

And uh, she was like, I wasn't even mad. You made me look like an asshole. And I was like, I I know I keep like like fucking it's at like 110,000 views right now. That was all like the first day.

SPEAKER_05 2:23:53

That fucking dude, that's so good though.

SPEAKER_08 2:23:55

That's so perfect. 110,000 fucking views. Meanwhile, I work my ass off editing clips out of this podcast, and I get like sometimes I get 400, sometimes I get like 600,000. I just have no fucking idea what's gonna happen. It's a madhouse out there.

SPEAKER_04 2:24:09

You never know what the next thing is or what people love. Like they like gender war shit is everything. Anything that makes a woman or a man look bad, or just like, oh relationships are tough.

SPEAKER_08 2:24:19

Yeah, bang, or that's how I gotta fucking rage bait people, is just being like, oh, she's such a fucking oh, she has such a problem with everything I do.

SPEAKER_04 2:24:26

They're like, that's how we're gonna end abortion nationwide, baby. Nationwide is not on your side, like, dude. Oh man. No, that shit is wild. Dude, chicks are just really dude. Shout out to Dave Chappelle Roan and all the bullshit that he, she, they, them has to go through. All 16 of their personalities have to go through. I love how we'll shoot kids all day, every day in a school, and no one gives a fuck. But as soon as a celebrity's like fucking just makes another celebrity's kid cry, we're like, End her career.

SPEAKER_08 2:25:02

It's over for Dave Chappelle Roan.

SPEAKER_04 2:25:04

What about Sandy Hook? Who is Sandy Hook? And you're like, okay. The squirrel from Spoon Bob?

SPEAKER_05 2:25:10

The Squirrel Rose.

SPEAKER_04 2:25:12

Honestly, this is not the time to be talking about the squirrel roast rob. Children are being emotionally abused over here. Dude, that is so fucking funny. Next time somebody brings up Sandy Hook, I'm definitely gonna go, You mean the squirrel roast rob?

SPEAKER_08 2:25:30

Don't you steal my joke, you fucker?

SPEAKER_04 2:25:32

Oh, dude, that's too funny. I just I'll never say it in a real element, but that's oh my god, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_08 2:25:39

Dude, I have a joke. Uh speaking of Bill Bouchart, uh, so I'm doing his class. That's so I got the showcase Tuesday, and uh he was uh like a third or fourth, the third class, he was like, just go up there and run through your set. I've heard your set, I want to hear your punch-ups, I want to hear how you've cleaned it up, whatever. And I get up there and I have this bit. I'm doing this bit about like I have a relative who's lying about being on Ozempic. Okay, and I'm like, You're gonna you're gonna show up to Christmas and have this shit, you know, like the hip bone V shit that Brad Pitt had in Fight Club. I was like, those meaty slides that made my heterosexuality a slippery slope, and Bill from the back of the room just goes, Yes! And I just I was just like, fuck yeah. Like that made me feel so good about my stupid writing.

SPEAKER_04 2:26:22

Bill's just back there with a bone.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:26

Fuck he was hot.

SPEAKER_04 2:26:28

I just love that could the fact that his name has Bush and Chart just like smack down, like like Finn diagramming over each other. Like that's I'm like, you had to be a community.

SPEAKER_08 2:26:39

You can have Sandy Hook. You had to do it. I'm saying that on Tuesday. Yeah, that's crazy. You ever said that to him? No, Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 2:26:46

Well, no, no. Actually, I met him at Traverse City Comedy Festival back in like 2022, and we were all just at a bar, and I was drunk to the point where I have no idea what I said to this man. I don't think he liked it though. Whatever I did say to him, it was bad.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:01

I'm fucking saying that on Tuesday. Oh, so I might have said that.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:03

I might have said your name, it's crazy your name has Bush and Sharp in it. And he was probably like, fuck this kid, dude. I can't I fucking hate comedians.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:10

Fucking stealing that. I'm saying that on Tuesday. I don't know if he's hosting. I don't know if he's the host or not. Does he host the 101 showcases? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:19

I never took the class. I've only did it shows. I'm too poor. I've I've got drugs to buy. I can't be a channel.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:26

It's fucking 200 bucks. We're adults, dude. I'll fucking give you 200 bucks.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:30

I fucking know. I I liked I don't know, man. I like just being reckless. Yeah, I like being in a world where like I'm that guy who dropped out of high school and is doing well. Yeah. Like, because people see me as comedians and they're like, oh, well, you probably took a class or something. I'm like, no, I just did every mic I possibly could. Yeah. Because it because it is more than just like the plus I just hate being in any sort of schooling aspect of life. But also like comedy is just made to be unhinged in every way. Yeah. Because you are like, you are just kind of like getting it out. I mean, obviously the therapy thing is like such a trope, but I see why people are like, oh, this is therapeutic to me, because you can't just say crazy shit. Like I'm able to say crazy shit because all my life my friends were crazy people. Yeah. I I grew up around Westland Horse and musicians in Westland that were like, I remember one time my buddy threw a dildo down our middle school hallway. Hilarious. He found his mom's dildo and he decided he's gonna bring it into school and throw it down a hallway, and they had to like shut down the hallway because they were like these kids see this. And that was like the person who sold me my first like tape recorder and threw me in a trajectory that was like, dude, he threw me on like the path of what I am now of like recording music, mixing shit. Yeah. I've been recording and mixing music for the past fucking at least like 21 years. Yeah. And it's I'm so happy for that. Like it's if I didn't have that, I would absolutely be sucking on Andrew Tate's toes. Like if I didn't have something to distract me from like, oh dude, you know what's really wrong in your life? Like it was so nice. Yeah. To to be around dudes who were like, dude, you're so lame. Because like that jock mentality is so so manufactured. You're like, dude, you believe in this the same way like a recruit will be like, I will die for my country today. And you're like, you've been here two days, you're in North Carolina.

SPEAKER_08 2:29:24

Yeah, like that's wait till you wait till you see the real shit.

SPEAKER_04 2:29:27

Fuck this. You don't even need to be patriotic right now, honestly. You're in Asheville. Okay, you're your recruit your recruiter was a lesbian with purple hair. It's all right, kid.

SPEAKER_08 2:29:37

Like yeah. So uh having the people that can push you in the right direction is fucking huge, man.

SPEAKER_04 2:29:44

Or in just in, you know, like at the end of the day, some direction. Yeah. Like, you know, I would say one direction, but that guy jumped off. I don't want to be pushed off that belt. Yeah, I don't want to be pushed.

SPEAKER_08 2:29:53

That's one direction I don't want to go.

SPEAKER_04 2:29:55

I made the joke which pissed off the I love when you say something on the internet and they get so mad, but because that's just funny to me. Like, the internet's the grossest place in the world. Like, yeah, you could fully watch someone satisfy a horse on the internet. My joke shouldn't change your day. Like, but I I I saw Charlie Kirk get murdered like five minutes after it happened. It was right after I watched somebody satisfy a horse, too. I watched a horse come and then I watched Charlie, same amount of liquid. It was crazy. Same amount of liquid. This is just like the horse video.

SPEAKER_05 2:30:29

I'm a voter.

SPEAKER_04 2:30:34

Dude, I'll bring up the Charlie Squirt thing again.

SPEAKER_08 2:30:37

That was fucking dude. That was fucking where you're like scrolling through Twitter and like. Squirting and Charlie.

SPEAKER_00 2:30:46

It's so insane.

SPEAKER_04 2:30:47

No, but dude, but I I had a joke about the One Direction guy. I said it was during Halloween. It was like right around Halloween, he did that shit. And I go, You guys, did you see uh the the guy from One Direction? You know, he had a Halloween costume. I go, it was Eric Clapton's son. Oh my god, dude. And I was like, I'm just kidding, you guys. It was Humpty Dumpty. Oh, it was so good.

SPEAKER_08 2:31:17

Dude, one of the first, I think the first guest we ever had on the podcast was Logan Monson. Do you know Logan? Comic?

SPEAKER_04 2:31:25

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. He's a big improv guy, like super funny.

SPEAKER_08 2:31:27

So Logan's one of my buddies, and uh, he actually was like one of the guys that was like pushing me to do comedy. But we had this bit going in the podcast that we did. He's like, Imagine like your problem is that you did not run into a window that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, imagine that being the issue. And then we went on this like fucking like rant where we're talking about like she shouldn't. I told you, stop buying Windex, you know.

SPEAKER_04 2:31:50

Like he thought the window was there. Just to be like a shit bird. Oh, it's so like it's so wrong. Nothing would be funny. I mean, I'd love to see like the Kool-Aid man's like like list of jobs he has to hit where he just gets an address and he has to run through the wall and alert this child that Kool-Aid is delicious. And he's just like, Yeah, I don't clean up though. I'm sorry. I know that's probably weird, but I'll see you later, man. I've spread the knowledge. Yeah, and then he just gets in a work, man, and then he just has to drive to a new address and bust in on a kid. He busts in at your brother trying to have sex, and he's like, You're gonna called before.

SPEAKER_08 2:32:27

This was a mistake. Don't drink Kool-Aid, sir. Don't drink Kool-Aid, dude. You think he busts into a schoolroom in Africa in Jonestown, and they're like, whoa, this is not okay. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 2:32:38

Oh yeah. Everybody's dead. Oh, wait, what were you guys drinking?

SPEAKER_08 2:32:42

No, this was high steam. We gotta fucking hide the package.

SPEAKER_04 2:32:45

Why'd you guys send me here? They already drank it. Oh my god. They love Kool-Aid.

SPEAKER_08 2:32:49

Did you are you watching that fucking Seth Rogan show on uh on Apple TV? The studio?

SPEAKER_04 2:32:54

The studio. No, no, I haven't seen it. Is it great? He's an amazing.

SPEAKER_08 2:32:59

My god, you gotta watch it. It's there's an episode about Kool-Aid where he's he's in a conflict where there's this Jonestown documentary that they are like Jonestown.

SPEAKER_04 2:33:10

Does it become Jonestown or racism? No, no, no. Because that's the funny thing of Kool-Aid. It's like people only affiliate it with like two things. He's like it's associated with cults and black people. Kool-Aid is the worst thing that's ever happened to us.

SPEAKER_08 2:33:23

I'm fucking having a I'm drawing a blank. This fucking Who did Wolf of Wall Street, the director of Scorsese. Scorsese. So Martin Scorsese is like, this is gonna be my last movie. We're gonna do a movie about Jonestown and we're gonna call it Kool-Aid. But then the executives from Kool-Aid at the same time are like, we're gonna make the next franchise of huge kid movies Kool-Aid. And he's like, ah, what do I do? And he likes and he's like, he's twisting it to all of his subordinates. So he's like, I just sold Kool-Aid for fucking to Scorstazy. Scor Stazy's gonna do Kool-Aid. But the Kool-Aid executives don't know that he's gonna do a fucking Jonestown massacre. It's so brutal. It's such a fucking brilliant show.

SPEAKER_04 2:34:11

I do want to know if because I used to watch Mad Men. Mad Men's a funny show. It's too much. But uh I do love the thought of like Jonestown happening and then the Kool-Aid guys being like, still a win. I guys, I don't know how to tell you this. This is still a win. We're gonna it was like uh you're thinking about how if someone almost quit, it's like Kool-Aid was like signing the paperwork for bankruptcy and Jonestown happened, and they were like, oh my god, they're gonna be talking guys, they're gonna be talking about high vibing each other.

SPEAKER_08 2:34:42

Like, fuck yes, Jonestown is the best thing that's ever happened. They're calling their PR firms like, don't let anyone talk about the Nikes. Don't let anyone know that they were all wearing Nikes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fucking Haley's comedy.

SPEAKER_04 2:34:58

Dude, everybody's thought the Jonestown people were all wearing the Nikes. No, no, no. They they spent all their money on. I I like how you tied Nikes and Kool-Aid together, though. That's that's a little job. I don't know why I thought they were wearing Nikes, dude's Kool-Aid people. I was about to double down and I shouldn't have. I was gonna be like, dude, I have a farmer coming on next week. Guess what he grows? He's gonna be like, oh, I'll tell you right now, they had watermelon, Kool-Aid, and Nikes chickens. They were all black. Okay, I don't know how to tell you this. Nobody talks about how all the victims of Jonestown were black people.

SPEAKER_08 2:35:32

No, there's no black people dying in a cult. No, there's not a one. There was not one black person in Jonestown.

SPEAKER_04 2:35:38

They were like, I'm not gonna trust this possibly Mexican man with aviators to make me Kool-Aid. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_08 2:35:44

Wait, hold on. You're trying to fuck my wife and you're Kool-Aid and make me kill myself.

SPEAKER_04 2:35:49

Nice try, Diddy.

SPEAKER_08 2:35:50

To get on a comet? Yeah, yeah. We're already on a comet. It's just moving in a different way. What the fuck are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 2:35:55

Why do I have to transfer comets? This is wild. Yeah. This is like a layover. I'm on a straight flight.

SPEAKER_08 2:36:01

We're Venn diagramming Jonestown in the fucking in the in the Halley's comet, people. Dude, it's so good though. This is this is the way John Denver froze on a plane. We're just like, dude, we should just I should just rename this podcast like getting shit kind of wrong for three hours. Fact check.

SPEAKER_04 2:36:19

You literally named Google my own shit. Everything you said was so wrong. You're like, look, dude, here at Fact Check, we don't actually fact check.

SPEAKER_08 2:36:28

Listen, this is everything we say and do is kind of wrong, except for that Bill's last name is both Bush and Sharts.

SPEAKER_04 2:36:36

The Finn diagram. Yes, yes, that's it.

SPEAKER_08 2:36:38

I love that it's like a set of tits where you would not want Bush or Schart to touch each other, but once they touch each other, cleavage.

SPEAKER_04 2:36:46

Like that's dude, his name is the cleavage of comedy. Yeah, he's Bushes and Sharts. He's got the best name tits I've ever seen in my life. Dude, as a comedian to see Bush and Shark just scores it. You see, ever see the when the one tits kind of covering it, the other one?

SPEAKER_08 2:37:01

Dude, it was oh, that's fucking hilarious. I hope he hosts the fucking showcase so I can say that.

SPEAKER_04 2:37:06

I think he probably will. Yeah, yeah. But I like I said, I never did a D, but I just went to the scariest rooms ever and went, let's see what happens. Yeah. And I just traveled. Like, once you start loving comedy, go to like Chicago for a weekend. Yeah. And hit those rooms because you'll be like, oh, like those packed fucking rooms in the city like that, you'll be like, that was pretty tasty. Yeah. You'll get like a crazy.

SPEAKER_08 2:37:30

I'm starting to do Dave Crumbley's rooms in Toledo, which I know is different, obviously, than Chicago. Like Chicago's a fucking city.

SPEAKER_04 2:37:37

Lansing might even be good to you. You're already the fuck up here. Yeah. Like if you hit those Lansing rooms, that might kind of get the it's like finding Nemo blood.

SPEAKER_08 2:37:46

Have you done any Ann Arbor rooms? I feel like I would not do well in Ann Arbor rooms.

SPEAKER_04 2:37:51

I mean, there's not really dude. There used to be. Is it just the showcase? Hearsay is like kind of not even real anymore. That got caught because somebody made some pretty fucking racy jokes. Wasn't me. Uh and fucking yeah, because there used to be like a couple rooms out there that you could hit. There used to be, there was the German bar, the Heidelberg, and they used to have a fucking open mic that started upstairs, came to the main room, and then went downstairs, and now it's gone. But that was fucking awesome. It's not gone, it's in the basement. No, no, it's it's it's gone. No, no, it's an underground railroad of comedy. Yeah. It's that weird take care of the colour. No, no, no. Harriet's not gone. She's just downstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I I think you could just do because the first mic I ever did was the Ann Arbor comedy showcase. Oh, really? You have to sign up online.

SPEAKER_08 2:38:41

I've submitted a few times, I haven't got picked yet. Yeah, live. But also, like, you gotta like check for that all the time to like see if you got it. It's like just send a fucking message. Like just message the comic that's on. I'm not checking a hundred venues to see if I fucking got it. That's like I think that's annoying as fuck.

SPEAKER_04 2:38:57

And like expecting comics to like keep up with their email is funny to me. They're like, we emailed you, and I'm like, what is an email? That's how hustle comedy used to do it. They email you and confirm, and I'm like, hey dude, just message me on Facebook.

SPEAKER_08 2:39:07

Just be like, hey, you're on this. Like how Dave Cromley does it is perfect. He makes a group chat, hey, you guys are on this date.

SPEAKER_04 2:39:15

See if I can possibly do some of those. Because I do love Dave.

SPEAKER_08 2:39:18

I hit him up and he put me on like three mics. I just couldn't do a couple of them because I because of my kids. So I did a Sunday. So we drove out to Toledo, did home slice. Everyone there was cool as fuck, but the but the crowd sucked. I've been told Dylan Farr, the uh Autistic Spitfire, he told me that that room is actually really good. It's just that that crowd, that day, sucked. He was also on that mic. And uh James River and Gunner were both there. Okay. It was a good m- it was I mean the lineup was crazy. Talk about fucking talent from Michigan being on a lineup on a random Sunday, but sometimes you kind of gotta just feed to them too.

SPEAKER_04 2:39:56

Like if some people come out, you kind of just have to like spit local. Like if you don't that's why I tell people to travel more than anything. Like if you're in a comic from one place and you just randomly stop somewhere, it's a totally different vibe than if you like like I like I said, if you go to Chicago, spend a whole day in Chicago, and then the next day do comedy there. Or like go there early so that by the time you go to a mic, you're already thinking of things that you don't see. Yeah. Like that that feel like because you don't have to be from there. I I walk up wearing fucking a Gordy Howe jersey and a fucking Detroit hat. People know I'm from Detroit, but it does help to be like, oh, these are things I notice here. Yeah. People fuck with that like every time. I mean, like, obviously, crowd work is well.

SPEAKER_08 2:40:37

People love see hearing a perspective about where they're from.

SPEAKER_04 2:40:40

That's why these British guys they want to still hear it, like, oh, you're talking about us still. Yeah. It's like a chick with nice tits. She wants to hear everybody talk about how nice the tits are. Don't come into her house and then talk about how nice your wife's tits are. That's disrespectful as fuck. You have to go your tits right now. That's the conversation.

SPEAKER_08 2:41:01

Those uh those British dudes that are over TikTok, like they're super viral because they're like going to and they're like, We're visiting Frankenmouth in Michigan, and oh my god, it's like a little ink, you know, a little uh Germany or whatever. And everyone that's on the there's a million comments are like, oh, dude this is where you gotta go next. And like, but like people from Michigan are like, we got British people to experience what our life is like, how fun.

SPEAKER_04 2:41:24

You know, it feels good to it and it's not even that it feels good, it's somebody else. It's again, it it all ties back to what I said about like the AI thing. It's like discovery is everything. Yeah, just even the the the the way someone feels when they discover something.

SPEAKER_01 2:41:38

Yeah, you're kind of like, ooh, I know that fucking feeling.

SPEAKER_04 2:41:41

Yeah, it's like discovering and coming are just the they're the Bichart of experiences. You know, I'm just saying like it's those are the two greatest experiences coming and discovering. Yeah, yeah. Unless you discover you have AIDS because you've been fucking a hooker, in which case, ouch. That's a real share, real shardy bush, real forest gumpy day.

SPEAKER_08 2:42:04

Dude finding what my favorite with vinyl specifically is finding an artist I've never heard of and putting on the record player and like hoping it's good. And then like when you find those like rare gems that are not just like pedantic bullshit 70s rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:42:19

When you find those like Ram Jam, Black Betty, yeah. Let's see if the rest of this album is good.

SPEAKER_08 2:42:23

You know, it's not a reason they've only played one song by them ever. But like uh finding uh for me, like I found um oh my god, why am I drawing a blank? I had it um Maggot Brain um Funkadelic. Funkadelic. I found a part of the men album. I think it's Funkadelic. It's Funkadelic. I found Funkadelic through like a random like vinyl record like store online. And I was like, dude, that fucking album artwork is wild. So I'm like, I bought the album.

SPEAKER_04 2:42:55

Yeah, the chick just with a big with her head neck, you know, like she's buried neck deep and she's screaming.

SPEAKER_08 2:43:01

That's a trippy fucking album to look at when you're fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 2:43:03

And then album just banging so hard.

SPEAKER_08 2:43:05

The opening song, Maggot Brain, where it's a 10-minute guitar solo. I Googled it and I found out that George Clinton told Evan whatever the fucking guitar player's name is. I fucking always fuck this up.

SPEAKER_04 2:43:19

I'm a Bernie Warall, man. I like the keyboard is more than anybody. Yeah, fuck it.

SPEAKER_08 2:43:22

But he so he tells George Clinton tells a guitar player, which I wish I remembered his name. He goes, I want you to start this by pretending that your mom is dead. And by the time that you finish this solo, you've resurrected your mom with your music. And when you know that, and then you're a little sauced up or like a little fried, and then you listen to that, you're like, God damn, it's the greatest guitar solo of all time. And I think second place is uh my guitar gently weeps with the prince. The prince playing that live at the 2020, uh the whatever the fucking rock and roll hall of fame induction he plays.

SPEAKER_04 2:44:01

Dude, Jeff Beck. I mean, I know the video you're talking about, but like Jeff Beck's scatterbrain is one of just the sickest things I've ever seen in my life. Jeff Beck is just dude, shout-out to the god. Yeah. Like, fuck, fuck yeah. Probably if I had to somebody who's made me feel things, like in a dude, there's a guitar solo in the song Inca Road. Or the song Black Napkins is essentially like just one big guitar solo. The song Black Napkins is like some black chick like being like while he's just playing a guitar solo like the whole song, and there's no real lyrics. It's just a vibe. It starts off and you think you're hearing, like, essentially, like it just started as a guitar solo, and then you're like, oh, this is a good one. Oh no, the guitar solo is the main just the theme of this song, and then you just watch it, dude. It's listen to Black Napa or Black Napkins by Frank Zappa. Yeah. It is.

SPEAKER_08 2:45:02

Dude, me and so me and Pedro getting married, and her dad is a old hippie, and he's I mean 60-ish years old, but he uh Stoner, you know, wears exclusively tie-dye shirts. Like showed up, like he has a tie-dye bowling shirt, has a tie-dye golfing shirt. Like he does not wear anything but tie-dye anymore. Yeah, yeah. Now that he doesn't have a uniform anymore. Fuck yeah. Because he's retired. But pendulum swings. So she uh so she's like, You gotta pick a song for the daddy daughter dance at our wedding. And so we we go to visit him. And he goes, Hey. So he goes, uh, hey, I got I got the daddy daughter song figured out. She's like, You do? He's like, Yeah, yeah, let me put on the record. I I have it on vinyl. And he puts it on. It's a 19-minute long Frank Zappa song.

SPEAKER_04 2:45:49

Wait, wait, wait. It's uh it's probably off of uh Waka Ja Waka. If I if I literally, whatever the song is, I know I've heard the song.

SPEAKER_08 2:45:58

It's 19 minutes long, and like he's talking to the band for half of the song. He's like, wait until they come in, and oh, here he comes in with blah blah blah. And it's I I don't I but this guy's the best dad that's ever seen. He he made us sit through almost all of it and page Just for you to be like, no and Paige turns to him, she's like, Hey, this we can't do this. And he's like, Why? This is the song I picked. It was it was the driest bit that he's like. I'm just kidding. I mean, like he was like this or Inagata Davida. Like, I'm not doing that to you. He's like, I'll pick a four-minute fucking Clapton song or whatever, but yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:46:32

It's cocaine by Eric Clapton. Yeah, it's it's uh oops, I dropped my son by Eric Clapton. Oops, I dropped my son. It's Gravity Sucks by Eric Clapton. Gravity Sucks by Eric Clapton is my favorite song by him. I'm sorry, you guys.

SPEAKER_08 2:46:49

This pain caused me pain.

SPEAKER_04 2:46:51

This pain caused me. Look, balconies are slippery by Eric Clapton. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_08 2:46:58

It's so fucking sad. It's brutal. Meanwhile, by the way, like we make these fucked up jokes, but like my my my son, my seven-year-old, when he was when he was three years old, my he was chasing my daughter. My daughter was like, and slammed the door, and his one finger was going through the door as it happened, and his finger was just went and opened up completely. Oh we had to call an ambulance to like come like fucking and like just thinking about that makes me so sad that that happened.

SPEAKER_04 2:47:27

Oh my god, I can only imagine the scrambled eggs that Eric Clapton saw the the Humpty Dumpty massacre.

SPEAKER_05 2:47:37

Dude. Do you want to know what's fucked up?

SPEAKER_04 2:47:42

For the last like two weeks, besides that joke, besides that joke, dude, for the last two weeks when I would set up all the dishes for people at their house, the trainer that I was with, he would turn on USA and I shit you not. All day USA just plays Law and Order SVU. So he'd turn that on and he just let that play while he explained like that we gave people cable. And I was like, turn this. Every time it was like, yeah, but we found him, they raped the dog. It was like, I was like, dude, and just him and a 72-year-old lady, just him and your grandma talking about cable.

SPEAKER_08 2:48:18

Ice T comes around the corner, he's like, What the fuck do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 2:48:21

Oh, you think you're tough? We found Richie G. He was dead with about 16 jarbas up his ass. And you're like, what the fuck, man? Fuck the police. No, no part of that show is chill at all.

SPEAKER_08 2:48:33

That whole show is like the fact that that's on like during the day is wild to me. All day. Playing in a fucking doctor's office at the pediatrician.

SPEAKER_04 2:48:41

I was just about to say that's probably the funniest is dude, imagine being at your OBGYN and Law and Order SVUs on in the background. Like, where where is the self-awareness of the world? Oh my god, it's so fucking weird. They're just playing the thriller, the horror movie The Dentist at the Dentist. You're like, this doesn't make me feel good at all. It's just a movie about a dentist who sticks his dick in people's mouths, and you're like, can we turn on something that's not this? Come back from 10.

SPEAKER_05 2:49:06

No, no, no, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:49:08

Every time before you go into surgery, they play human senses. Why does my mouth taste like cheese when you wake up?

SPEAKER_08 2:49:14

Oh, Jesus Christ. Dude, one of the last time I didn't go to the dentist for like 15 years. Like I got my braces off. I did 10 years, so I get it. I got my braces off when I was a teenager, and then I didn't go again until like a couple of years ago. And uh, but the last time I went as a teenager, I was getting my I think I was getting uh I think it was like the next appointment after you get your braces off. Like they're like doing the retainer or whatever the fuck. So uh they put me in the chair and my dad's sitting in the room, and then the the tech, like the girl, whatever that scrapes your teeth, is this like hot 20-ish year old like fresh out of college fucking tech. And she puts me in the chair and she leans me back, and as she, you know, she's like dicking around, she's like scraping her. She's just sitting there. So she so she leans, she's she leans me back and she starts dicking around, and a bunch of change that I had falls out of my pocket, and she goes, Oh, do you tip now? And I go, only if you put your finger back in my mouth. And my dad, she laughed so hard, but my dad just like the blood was just like I'd be crushed.

SPEAKER_04 2:50:24

I'd be like, Oh god, he's been listening to Andrew Tate lately. I'm so stupid. Dude, it's fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_08 2:50:29

The girl, the the the woman, she was only a couple years older than me. She thought it was fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 2:50:34

That's so good. I remember one time they they I was like, Oh, I think there's a lump on my ball. And then the best part is I went to a place and he was like, No, it's just how balls are. But like to do it, he was like, Yeah, this chick, I'm training her, so she has to be here while it happens. And I was like, out of all the times, and he's like, Yeah, pretty much. So it's just me just standing there while this guy just shuffles around my nuts in front of a 23-year-old girl in a Lavonia office. I mean, beautiful too. And I'm like, Can't we get an uglier one? Like, this is my front thing. I can't live like this. She's gonna remember. I now she's off the books, dude.

SPEAKER_08 2:51:11

I so I fucking I had to go do a drug test for work, and uh this this young woman brings me back, and she's fucking beautiful. Okay, and she she takes this is a long time ago. Page. This is a long time. This is like six years ago. So she she's beautiful, and she brings me in, she's like, Okay, I'll be right back in to get your drug test, but we have to watch because it's like a steel mill or whatever. I'm like, okay. And I'm in there and I'm like panic fluffing. I'm like slapping it around, trying to get it to stretch out a little bit, you know, look a little better.

SPEAKER_04 2:51:40

She comes in, it's got clothes pins on it. She's like, what the fuck is happening?

SPEAKER_08 2:51:44

Get the turtle to fucking stretch out and got a cock ring on. And she uh, so I get I get it to fucking stretch out a little bit, you know. I'm slapping it around. And she does not come back. This old doctor comes back and he's got eyebrow hair that is so long it's tangling into his eyelashes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, Alright, kid, you ready? And he like, he's like, Alright, go ahead and pull your pants all the way down to your thighs. And my dick went from like stretched out looking okay to like so shrunk. I had like panic dick.

SPEAKER_04 2:52:14

I think it retreated. It would be worse if it stayed hard. I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_08 2:52:20

Old man withers, like after I peed in the cup, which I was like barely able to not piss on my balls because it retracted so hard. You know, you piss out of your ass. I had to do like a fountain, like I was like pouring it like an ice sculpture. I'm like, no, no, I would have rather it stayed stretched out because this motherfucker old man withers was like, that guy had the smallest dick I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_04 2:52:48

I had like freshly out-of-the-pool dick when I had to pee because he had eyebrow hairs longer than your dick.

SPEAKER_08 2:52:53

Yeah, and he by the way by the way, he got down there to watch. I was like, why are you so why are you eye to eye with it? Just be in the room. He flicks it, he just takes away. He literally was like, All right, go ahead. And I was like, and he like sat in his fucking roly chair, and I'm like standing peeing in the middle of this. I was like, What this is fucking why are we doing this?

SPEAKER_04 2:53:14

Your dick has the microphone, and he's just like, okay, and let's do this. Go ahead. He just rests his nose on it. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_08 2:53:20

Wow, this smells terrible.

SPEAKER_04 2:53:21

He just puts the cup up to it. He goes, Go for it, kid.

SPEAKER_08 2:53:24

You can just I wish I never smelled this fucking mic car. I mean, yeah. I'm the only one that talks into this one. This is not okay. I feel I kiss Paige. I don't know why she lets me. That's fucking terrible.

SPEAKER_04 2:53:34

I don't know. I feel like it's just it's the it's the level. I used to date smokers, so I get it.

SPEAKER_08 2:53:39

I gotta get that. I gotta get that. I don't smoke. I gotta get that fucking I gotta get that uh bowling alley shoe spray for these.

SPEAKER_04 2:53:45

Like no, dude, you just need to hit a like a uh like a breeze and just blow it on that. Like sometimes I'll take a shit and I'll take a vape in there just to make it better for life. Yeah. Like especially if I'm at a restaurant, dude, it's fucking it's for breeze in a can. Yeah. I'll go in there, I'll take a mean shirt just the whole time. I'm not even inhaling. Just dude, I blowing it in the toilet.

SPEAKER_08 2:54:09

On a job site, I walked into a porta potty and it said someone wrote in Sharpie, please stop fucking smoking. Dude, Chappelle Roan's on my wall. I just realized that.

SPEAKER_04 2:54:19

I'm gonna tell my kid that Captain Spaulding is Chappelle Roan. I'll go, this is Dave Chappelle Roan.

SPEAKER_08 2:54:24

This is this is Captain Dave Chappelle Spaulding Rome.

SPEAKER_04 2:54:28

Yeah, that's which is also my ska band. Captain Dave Chappelle.

SPEAKER_08 2:54:34

That's my emo album. That's so good. Holy shit, Captain Spaulding, Dave Chappelle Roan. That's so good. Fucking uh But I I go into this porta potty and someone had written in Sharpie, stop fucking smoking in the porta potties. And I like I I like I wrote underneath it, I was like, you'd rather smell shit than smoke. Fucking that's weird. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_04 2:54:57

So much like weed and cigarettes.

SPEAKER_08 2:54:59

I would rather a guy be standing in there with me, smoking a cigarette, blowing it in my face, than smell my own shit, and then get like one of those under draft whiffs. Like, oh, it's awful. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 2:55:10

It's awful. You just hear things splishing and splashing, you're just hoping it doesn't come back to the top like a like a piranha that's jumping out of a pool, like snapping at your ass. Like in the like in uh Peter Pan, the way the the alligator dude's jumping up and snapping. That's how like the splashback feels.

SPEAKER_08 2:55:25

You're like, oh boy. Dude, I've uh I've got a story about a fucking porta potty that I'm gonna try to make you throw up. You ready?

SPEAKER_03 2:55:31

Okay, this sounds great, but yeah, let's go for it.

SPEAKER_08 2:55:33

I got uh I had heat exhaustion. I ended up having to drink like 20 bottles of water because I was like I almost passed out. They were about to give me the childo, dude. They gotta get me back to life. And uh, so anyway.

SPEAKER_04 2:55:44

That's a wild thing to call it.

SPEAKER_08 2:55:46

It's just a frozen dildo.

SPEAKER_04 2:55:47

So somebody's like, no, no, no, no, that's not what a childo is. Childo is when you cover a frozen dildo in KY. Okay, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_08 2:55:55

They were they made me take my shirt off, my boots off, my socks off. They were putting ice packs under my armpits in my craft. They were like, I was like in b I was in bad shape. I was about to have a stroke and uh or a heat stroke. And uh anyway, cut to like five hours later, I'm like back to life, I'm okay, I'm getting ready to go home. And there's across the street from Ford Rouge, there's the employee parking on Miller Road. They have a porta potty there that no one services. And I'm like, I have to piss so bad because I've drank 20 fucking bottles of water, I finally caught up. I know no one, I know no one has serviced that thing in like years. But I'm like, I have to piss, and if I get caught pissing on the ground, I'm gonna get in trouble. I can't fucking, you know what I mean? It's like you're on a public road.

SPEAKER_04 2:56:38

You can't almost die of heat stroke and get arrested for public indecency.

SPEAKER_08 2:56:41

I go into the porta potty, and the whole interior of the porta potty is like polka dotted with like a little shag rug. It's like it's so long. It's all polka dotted. I'm like, why would it what the fuck is that? Whatever. I have to pee so bad. I can't fucking there's flies everywhere. There's shit like damn near to the top.

SPEAKER_01 2:56:57

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:56:57

But I'm I'm like, I have to. So I'm pissing into the urinal part, but I'm watching I'm like when you're when it's that full, you can like the piss going into the urinal part drips down into the open bowl, and I'm seeing this like this movement that's not just liquid in the sh in the full part of full part of my body. And I'm like, what is that? So I'm peeing and I'm like, and there's flies. It's Dave Chappelle Row. It's Captain Dave Chappelle's spawning road. But uh, so I'm I'm pissing and I'm seeing this movement. I'm like, what the fuck is that? You know, and there's flies all around me as I'm pissing. And I'm trying not to touch the walls because I don't understand what it is. It was a s it was a colony of maggots in this shit. I thought it was Richard Gears Gerbal. Just swimming around. The fucking polka dots were from flies flying into the shit and back out of the shit and landing on the wall.

SPEAKER_04 2:57:56

Ah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:57:57

And I started throwing up in my mouth.

SPEAKER_04 2:58:00

After a nice shitty feast, they hit the wall.

SPEAKER_08 2:58:03

They're going into the shit, feet or whatever, feeding their young and then fucking flying back out of the shit and landing on the wall. And there's just I started throwing up in my mouth as I'm pissing. I had to like, I went boom out of there, and I'm like pissing on the ground, going like, what the fuck? This is the gross. Oh my god, dude. It was the nastiest. I fucking burned the clothes that I had on when I was in there. It was so gross. Oh man, it's the fucking nastiest port-a potty I've ever been in. People cry about porta potties at like Dave Matthews concerts. Fuck off, dude. You've never been in a bad one.

SPEAKER_04 2:58:34

In their defense, uh, a Dave Matthews concert, the kids actually just call it a porta potty. It's like a flock of seagulls. It's like a flock of seagulls. If a kid sees a bunch of people that love Dave Matthews, they're like, that's a porta potty. Yeah. That's how they're going to describe boomers. And I go, no, that's a porta potty of Dave Matthews. I love Dave Matthews too.

SPEAKER_08 2:58:55

It's one of my favorites. I got him on a I got him on the wall behind you.

SPEAKER_04 2:58:57

It's funny because there's a porn star. I won't say who she is.

SPEAKER_08 2:59:01

That flag is a Dave Matthews flag. That's so good.

SPEAKER_04 2:59:04

But there's a porn star, and I remember making a joke like, I wonder what was more difficult telling her family she did porn or the fact that she has a Dave Matthews band. Shut the fuck up. She has like the ballerina thing on her shoulder. Shout out Sierra Sky. I'm looking this up. But also after your porta potty story, now I have to pee so bad.

SPEAKER_08 2:59:20

Oh, dude, we could wrap up, but I gotta look up Sierra Sky real quick. Do you care if I run to pee? Oh, dude. Well, let's wrap up real quick. Let's fucking know.

SPEAKER_04 2:59:27

Yeah, you'll see. Don't see Sierra Sky right now. We've already talked about too many boners.

SPEAKER_08 2:59:31

Uh dude, okay. So, first of all, do you have anything to plug before we go?

SPEAKER_04 2:59:34

No, just Floyd Jones comedy on Instagram and YouTube.

SPEAKER_08 2:59:37

Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. Thanks for coming out, man. I gotta have stick booby out because, like he said, we fell in love before. So he wasn't able to talk for three hours. But fuck yeah, dude. Thanks for coming out. Anytime, brother. Fuck yeah. All right, dude. Peace. Survival. It's it's finding purpose in white.