Confident, Not Cocky
Real talk. Real discussions. You'll love this show because I know you can relate and I know this will be interesting as hell to you. This is just me being confident, not cocky.
Confident, Not Cocky
High School Memories w/ Matt Paul
Picture two old high school buddies, Charles Campos Jr. and Matt Paul, better known as Mateo, taking a whimsical stroll down memory lane. Our names shaped our identities in delightful ways—Mateo’s stuck so fiercely that it even graces his license plate. Our heartfelt chat is a tapestry of laughter and insight, offering a quirky glimpse into how those formative years at Merrillville High School molded the adults we are today.
Parenting and personal growth take center stage as we uncover how our past molds our present and future. From the lessons learned from pondering our high school years to the intricacies of raising children, the discussion is rich with reflections on individuality and responsibility. We tackle the unique challenges advanced children face in today's society and the essential role of nurturing their abilities, while also emphasizing open communication about real-world issues. Our explorations in this episode aim to empower parents to raise confident, thoughtful children who are prepared to meet life's challenges head-on.
Our dialogue then turns to the complexities of relationships and marriage. Sharing personal anecdotes about marriage helps illuminate the importance of understanding, setting boundaries, and maintaining consistency in a partnership. We also celebrate the power of human connection through stories of heartfelt friendship and support that transcend time and circumstance. With a strong focus on personal growth and community, we invite listeners to reflect on their relationships and the vital role they play in our collective journey through life.
As a saying goes, it ain't cocky if you back it up. This is Confident, not Cocky. The show where bold conversations meet relatable real-life experiences. Hosted by Charles Campos Jr, this podcast brings you everything from the latest trends in news to personal stories that make you laugh, reflect and maybe even get a little emotional. Whether it's Charles flying solo or chopping it up with special guests, nothing's off the table and it's always straight talk, real and raw, no filter. So get ready for a ride that's as fun as it is real. So get ready for a ride that's as fun as it is real.
Speaker 1:This is Confident, not Cocky, and this is your host, charles Campos.
Speaker 2:Jr. All right, Welcome back y'all. I have a special guest here. I went to high school with this gentleman and he's taking the time out of his very busy schedule to come hang out with me for a little bit and go ahead and give your name.
Speaker 3:All right, my name is Matthew Paul. That's my government. I go by Matt Paul Matt.
Speaker 2:Paul, and what does my wife call you? Mateo? Mateo A funny, does my wife call you, mateo, mateo.
Speaker 1:Hey, funny story about that, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 3:My mom calls me Mateo bro, does she oh?
Speaker 2:it sticks. And where did she get that from? Because my wife got it from, because you guys were in Spanish class in high school, right? Where does your mom get it from?
Speaker 3:I don't know. She's been calling me that since high school, really, so in some kind of way, I'm sure Jessica had some kind of play on that. But yeah, I've been Mateo for a minute.
Speaker 2:They know me that at the job. Oh, so that carries with you.
Speaker 3:My license plate say Mateo.
Speaker 2:Does it really so? You embraced it, full on, embraced it, right, that's just me.
Speaker 1:That's awesome that's awesome.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, yeah, because I had a string of nicknames, because in the high school you knew me as carlos all right, you as campos campos right so I went by campos carlos, I think. Not until my adulthood I stopped going by Carlos, and even back in high school, when friends or peers found out my name was Charles, they couldn't believe it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it shocked me.
Speaker 2:It would shock people. I get it Charles. I'm Hispanic. You don't think I would look like a Charles. So and I think when I was younger I was self like you know what, let me go by carlos. He goes by carlos because even my dad's name not even he, his government name's not even carlos because I'm a junior. So my dad's name is charles. I go by carlos because I didn't like my name and then people when they found out, they just were dumbfounded by the fact that you're charles. No, I'm like yeah unfortunately I am so.
Speaker 2:But even growing up, high school, college, I introduced myself as carlos, so people had no like questioning about my name because I yeah I introduced myself as carlos and but yeah, string of nicknames. People couldn't believe my real name. I hated my name, but now that I'm older I'm in more of a setting in my career. I just go by charles, introduce myself myself as Charles. That way there's no issues down the road.
Speaker 3:So I got a crazy story about nicknames Okay, All my life as a child, I should say. In my childhood we had a babysitter that wanted to nickname everybody.
Speaker 2:So my brother had a nickname, my sisters had nicknames, but they could never come up with a nickname for me so it was the babysitter that would kind of hand these nicknames nicknames out and they stuck but never could give you a good one never could give me one.
Speaker 3:it was just matt, you know, and they're like oh, that's just Matt. And I'm like well, that's not a nickname, my brother was KJ.
Speaker 2:KJ all right.
Speaker 3:His name is Sherman Paul, so KJ was way better, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then my sister. There was Riri Rachie and then Becca, but they had other nicknames for her Me. Couldn't come up with nothing until I came into adulthood, mateo came around in high school but that's just my name in spanish, right, you know, uh.
Speaker 3:But now, bro, I mean, I got, I'm known by so much. I know him by my middle name strictly. If they was to hear matt, they wouldn't even know who it is really, but are you introducing yourself by your middle name?
Speaker 2:Like how does somebody get so stuck on your middle name and just forget about your first name? Like how does that happen? Just like somebody just kept calling you by your middle name and coworkers or whoever just heard it and just hooked, or how did how did that come about?
Speaker 3:so so you know first impressions, are sure what they call it um important, everlasting oh yeah, yeah sure they they have big impact. So, like in high school, I used to actually wear a chain and it said Leon, which is my middle name.
Speaker 2:Okay, All right, I see.
Speaker 3:So you know some people, instead of asking what your name is, they just went off of what your jury said.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I get that To this day.
Speaker 3:That's all you know.
Speaker 2:I get that already said. Yeah, I get that to this day. That's all you know. I I get that. Speaking of a high school, I did want to talk to you just in general because we we did go to merrillville high school, indiana, class of 2008. I just kind of curious because it's not like we ran with the same people. It's not like we ran with the same people. It's not like we really ran with the same cliques. Generally, honestly, if I'm being honest, I think you were probably, grade-wise, maybe one level above me, because I know you did advanced classes with my wife and so I just want to get your kind of opinion or experience. How was your high school experience? Because I knew you, I knew who you were, we were cool, we weren't like boys where we hung out on the weekends or or anything like that, like that. But how was your overall high school experience?
Speaker 3:So this is something I had to come to grips with, uh, shortly after high school. I want to say in my college, my latter years of college, uh, that I was a lame like I mean and I wouldn't.
Speaker 2:Okay, like I understand, you might feel like like that by yourself, but like in the perspective, I guess now looking back, you, like people would say that you had your head on right, like you knew what you were doing, you were focused on your grades, you followed the rules. You you did what you had to do to get good grades and make a positive influence on your life. And now I don't. That's probably what everybody should do, but you know as much as I do high school is a crazy beast, yeah, crazy environment. But so you say you thought you were a lame because for what reason?
Speaker 3:so when I say lame, let me, let me dig deep into that. Okay, not so much in a group, like I knew there was people that was with me, yeah, I knew there was people that was with me. Yeah, I knew there was people that was just for me yeah, uh, and some people that was just bypassing, I could say when I graduated I was the only individual that I noticed could actually shake everybody's hand on the platform. You had your golfh, you have your jocks, you got your preps, you had your valedictorian salute, I. I knew pretty much everybody. It related to everybody. What I mean by lame was I grew up in a very strict household okay I, I kind of see how that's come over.
Speaker 3:Okay, go ahead, so I I couldn't go to the dance, I wasn't at the football games, the basketball games so that wasn't by choice, necessarily. It was because your strict home you weren't really allowed to go to extra activities outside of school oh yeah, I remember in grade school I wanted to go to a neighbor's birthday party and, uh, the statement was well, we don't know the parents, so right, and I get that.
Speaker 2:I get that, of course, so you know you don't have to go too deep into your parents. But like, was that coming from like a religious background? Was that just coming from a pure academic background? Like, hey, we want you to stay focused in school, we don't want you distracted outside of school, so you can't do any, any of that extra stuff. So where where was that coming from as far as your parents perspectives, although, I hate to say, but it's 100 religious you think so?
Speaker 2:oh well, you think so, I know you know, so I could get you that, no, I get. So. Were they more like, just like that old school generation type of parent, parental?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would say old school. That was their mechanism for protecting me so to speak?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Are you the youngest, oldest or middle of your siblings At all?
Speaker 3:She passed away.
Speaker 2:Sorry to hear that.
Speaker 3:Oh, no problems, man, I I appreciate her um. And then I have an older brother, then it's me, then I have three younger uh sisters okay.
Speaker 2:So as growing up, was that consistent among your you and your siblings as far as doing extra stuff outside, outside of school? Or like, because you were the oldest or second oldest, maybe the last two younger siblings got a little bit little bit more freedom, or was it consistent all those years?
Speaker 3:oh, 100. You could see that coming a mile away. My, my brother, was a rebel Of course there's always one.
Speaker 2:He made a way. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:If he was going to go hang out, he was going to hang out For sure. I mean not trying to put his business out there, but he wasn't mine. He used to steal a car and park it right back where he got it from Nobody knew.
Speaker 2:So like a straight risk taker yeah you know, did he ever get like booked for anything like that, or just no, just okay crazy that dude never got caught up, lucky yeah right, I know, let it be me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, uh, but I was a. I was a straight shooter, I was a people pleaser. I always want to please my dad. I looked up to him so I never did take that risk. But as time came on, I believe the last actually were able to experience going out and hanging out with friends at school events and whatnot.
Speaker 2:So it's just age, I think they matured as parents because there there's no rule books for parenting absolutely. You're always the most strictest and more serious about your first older and born and then I could. I could contend to that like I'm on my third child. First child was like no, we gotta do everything by the book. He's not do anything. That's unsafe. And by time the third child comes like oh, she's playing with forks and knives, I shall be okay that's, that's how that's a butter knife no, I, I get that.
Speaker 2:So, as you growing up through high school and into your adulthood, did you ever resent your parents for not letting you do extra stuff like that? Or it was just like hey, I love my parents. That suck, but you know life goes on. Did you have any reason resent like that?
Speaker 3:now that that's a big question you don't have to go.
Speaker 2:No, I'm gonna go into it.
Speaker 3:I like this okay so uh. Okay, so growing up I had no reason. Good Reason being I had no understanding.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:So I didn't know that I was a man and I had to think on my own. You know your parents are thinking for you until you get a certain age. But even after high school I wanted to please my dad. I always wanted to please my dad. Totally understand that.
Speaker 3:But the moment I thought for myself and went against the grain and went against the grain, oh there it is, dog boom, there it is and I won't necessarily say I resented them, but it gave me an understanding of where I should be and how far off track or off course of maturity that I was at. Okay, that makes sense. Ultimately it how far?
Speaker 2:off track or off course of maturity that I was at. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. It ultimately it, whatever experience anybody goes through, whatever choices that person or their parents make for themselves, ultimately shapes the person that you become as an adult, and that's just one of the things your parents did that shaped the way you are now, and sometimes it's for the good, sometimes it's for the bad, sometimes it's neutral and hey, it's just part of life, nothing much you could do about it, if anything. So you got three kids or you got one on the way I do have one.
Speaker 3:You do have one of the congratulations.
Speaker 2:So now that makes how many four, I know, bro, the grocery bill I bet, dude, I already know that I got, like I said, I got three, but so now that you have, you're going to have four kids. That's kind of going to make you think when they get to high school, like, are you going to you think you're going to be really protective or are you going to go against the grain of what your parents did to you and your brother and sisters?
Speaker 3:you and your brother and sisters. So actually recently, uh, working at the mill, I had an understanding that my childhood was the best for me is that so?
Speaker 3:oh yeah, so I actually appreciate the way I grew up. Um, as far as being able to stand out from everybody else, I felt like I was always different, not in a bad sense, but in a different section, and even now at work I move different. So I wouldn't necessarily say that I resented. I can actually say I can appreciate it only because it came with understanding of why they were doing what they were doing and that takes growing up, to see it, realize it, ponder on it and learn from it but with my kids I don't see myself doing that, for the simple fact that when my first born I didn't have the same views that they did.
Speaker 3:Uh, I was able to loosen the reins from the rip. Yeah, I think. I think when, when you get a full understanding of how things work and how people work, you're able to make clear judgments prior to actually having to be in a situation. So like my wife won't know how my son is going to come out. She just know I got a son, whereas I'm thinking 10 years down the road. I don't want my, my boy to be a girl. You know I need. I got a son, whereas I'm thinking 10 years down the road. I don't want my boy to be a girl, I need him to be a man. You know what I'm saying. I don't want him to be wimped out, so I can't treat him like this. So I'm thinking years in advance. So I got to maneuver in that way, and I'm glad I did, because this kid bro, he is brilliant.
Speaker 3:Good glad I did, because this kid bro, he is brilliant. Good, I mean, he's far beyond his age, uh, and and it shows. So I'm glad that that helped me to see. All right now. You can't look at now, because back then I was mad that I missed out, I couldn't date or anything like that. But now I can see, like, all right, long run it had its effects and this is how it affected. So now let me look at the long run and see what I do now, how it may affect him and I don't say I get it 100%.
Speaker 2:No, like I said there's no right or wrong or rule book for parenting. Yeah, they have parental books and stuff like that from so-called quote-unquote experts.
Speaker 3:Professionals yeah.
Speaker 2:Man, kids are so different in their own way and every generation, each kid's going to grow up slightly different and, man, you kind of have to go like roll with the punches and, like you said, you could plan for, like, okay, this is, this is what I want for my son, my daughter, this is the plan I kind of want them to follow. But as they grow up, like you don't know how they're gonna turn, what their interests are. That's good. It seems like you, instead of resenting or using your high school years, or even maybe grade school years, you use that to your advantage to learn and turn that into a positive with your kids now. And that's great, dude.
Speaker 2:A lot of people can't do that. Either they're not capable of doing it or they don't realize what the effects on their children are. Their children are. So the fact that you could visualize and realize and see all that shit and put that into a positive spin, that's that's great man. I applaud you for that because I appreciate you and a lot of people I don't think in my opinion, know how to do that or even want to even take the time to that. A lot of people just like blaming oh, daddy didn't love me. Mommy didn't do this, daddy did that, so it's not my fault. So blah, blah, blah. But I mean to turn that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man, that that's really good well, I, I can't, I can't take a lot of credit for that. That, that is research that I've done, so like I'm heavy into leadership books John Maxwell is one of mine.
Speaker 2:You can't take credit for that, because you took the initiative to research and better yourself, better your mind, and to help yourself and to help your kids. So don't be modest. I hear you. You can take credit because you did the work. You can take credit because you did the work. You did the extra work that wasn't required by you. You just want to be a better person and be a better father and learn those important traits that you could instill into your kids. So, yeah, man, fuck you dude, take that.
Speaker 2:Don't be modest, you take all the credit absolutely. So kind of sidetrack from the high school years. So, overall, did you enjoy your high school all four years? Did you enjoy it? Or was it like a roller coaster up and down? Or you're just like man, I'm glad to get out of high school.
Speaker 3:High school really didn't have an effect. There was a very few people that that really impacted me in high school Was there like teachers or peers, or peers and teachers.
Speaker 2:That impact you and, if so, how?
Speaker 3:a little of both um mainly mrs rowe. I know a lot of people didn't like her that was.
Speaker 2:Was that the calculus teacher?
Speaker 3:no, she was um. I think not economics business.
Speaker 2:It's okay, but I was just trying to picture in my head. But go ahead, ms Rowe.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she really. Most of my teachers, I'm sorry, most of my teachers actually spoke life into me. They thought I was a brilliant kid when I, when I first got to high school um, and I know you said I took advanced classes. But it didn't start that way. The way it started was a teacher seeing my potential and was like all right, look, we need to challenge them. So sophomore year, my teacher, mr staley, he says, uh, hey, I'm gonna double you up on math classes. Uh, I really think you can get a strong c in both of them, but I feel like we're not challenging you enough. I said, okay, well, let's do it. Man, I doubled up math classes, aced both classes. We were having competition as a sophomore, I was having competitions with juniors and seniors and tutoring at the same time.
Speaker 2:Wait, you were tutoring people.
Speaker 3:I was tutoring.
Speaker 2:Damn okay. I didn't know you were that smart, honestly.
Speaker 3:I mean, I wasn't that smart, I was just good with numbers.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, I see what you're coming from, because you put me in English class when I fell a paper in the heartbeat. Okay, so you had a strong suit. Oh yeah, you were really good at it and it was numbers.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So my teachers. Like Mrs Rowe. She really seen something in me and I think some of the principles that she instilled in me I still use today. She's pushing me to actually start my business, so I'm hopefully soon start a designer business.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we'll go on.
Speaker 2:We'll probably ain't go on no details with that circle or however you want, how much you want to talk about it. But were you taking like college level classes, like in your junior and senior year? No just just an advanced class just advanced math. Okay, Also nothing else.
Speaker 3:Nothing else, just the math, just math. So, when you went to college, did you pursue math, numbers, finances, anything? Like that, since you were so strong in it, my pursuit was accounting Okay.
Speaker 1:Which I probably should have never did.
Speaker 3:That was so boring, okay. But when I got to college I had to take a placement test and I aced out of my math classes, so I had nothing but problem stats to take. But college is a whole nother story so, yeah, it was a strong point.
Speaker 3:It was leading me into a financial background, which I could have seen happen, and I was having etiquette dinners with fortune 500 company ceos and yeah, I I was probably the only one would uh office next to the president for career development. I gave all that up just to come to US Steel.
Speaker 2:Hey, life sometimes just has a way of falling in places or having pieces just fall into places that you just never seen coming. And I get that. I'm kind of the same way and I guess my experience in high school was probably completely different. I think growing up I was mostly raised by my mother for at least half of my life and then of course she remarried and we moved to crown point, merrillville and I've said it before on other episodes, I never really took hold of accepting my stepdad as like my father and I think they kind of messed me up a little bit, not to the point where I was super like rebellious, but I probably had a lot more freedom than I should have and like parties and just going out, and you know I had a curfew but I was able to go to sleepovers, hang out with friends and do all that stuff. And high school I guess I would say I was. I was kind of maybe in the in the middle, mid, lower tier, because in my opinion and you could correct me if I'm wrong, but I wasn't I wasn't like jock popular, I wasn't in like the low rank where I didn't have any friends or like a loner or anything that I play sports. I believe I knew most of the kids in our grade or even upper grade. I think I kept my name out there as much as I could. As far as just being like a cool guy cool, chill guy and I was always the class clown, always got to make people laugh. Try to be the cool dude, uh, try to get as many friends.
Speaker 2:And I'll be honest, like I was bullied even up to high school, like even in my younger years. Uh, I think I could go as back as fourth grade, maybe fifth grade, shit. I I went to catholic school back in the day and I there I still have memories of being bullied back then. So I have a history of being bullied. And even in high school, because I wasn't the like the heaviest guy but I wasn't skinny either, I was short, so I was like a stocky dude, so like I wasn't the easiest target but I was still a target from here and there and I had my group of friends and I knew a bunch of people outside of my circle and I definitely listening to how you went through it.
Speaker 2:It's totally different on how I went through it and it just shows like different parental strategies of how to raise your kid and man, like, like I said, I probably shouldn't have that much freedom because, like I always wanted to do something other than stay focused on my grades, I think I had to take, like I had to retake two or three classes because I wanted to get, like that, graduate with honors. And like there was like two, three classes that I failed, that I had to retake if I wanted to get a C or better or whatever bullshit. But kind of come circle back. Do you know, and I'm curious, was there any ever like rumors or any whispers or anything you heard about me, specifically in high school?
Speaker 3:All right, whispers or anything you heard about me specifically in high school. All right, so if you allow me, can I answer your question? Yeah, and then I'm going to throw you a thought.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:So the answer is no.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:But I hear you talk about your, your experience in high school and I One thing I live by. This is one of my principles that I live by and all that I get in get an understanding. If you have an understanding you can kind of have a better judgment in how you respond. So this is the first time I actually heard how you viewed me in high school, heard how you viewed me in high school.
Speaker 2:Man people views of you on high school seems like, well, it's like everything almost to you at that at that time at that, yeah, yeah but it seems like most people views are far different from yours now.
Speaker 3:Now I'm going to tell you my view of yours, or of you. In high school, I thought you was the man low-key. I don't know if you remember this, but every time I seen you it was Capos what up, but he was that dude. You know what I mean. They had the jocks for baseball team.
Speaker 2:Yeah, football.
Speaker 3:Football.
Speaker 2:Basketball football. Yeah, yeah, you know so you was in.
Speaker 3:You was in the baseball team.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the wrestling right yeah, I did that for a few years yeah yeah, so like you was that dude to me.
Speaker 3:You nobody thought about graves. It was like oh man, good time, good laugh, that's all you needed. He was somebody cool. You was cool with me. You was cool with me, I was cool with you.
Speaker 2:The more we talk about our high school experience, the more like I'm thinking right now and I'm like man, I was a type of person who I think self-consciously I wanted my name to be out there, so that's why I I was always like, try to be funny in class, try to say these you know crazy things in the hall, or try to be cool with everybody, just like he says, hey, campos, I'm like, oh, what up.
Speaker 2:Like just try to be, you know, not necessarily like be someone, because I never like had aspirations to be the guy like the Mr Popular, like I never wanted to be like prom king and stuff like that, like I didn't really care about that, but at the same time I didn't want to be known as the short, chubby Mexican dude who's like sometimes funny. So I think, but I think that's a dangerous situation sometimes because I might have fell into some like probably more peer pressure than I should have and so like I think I take that now and try to instill that into my oldest right now, because he's climbing through, he's I believe he's in third grade, fourth grade, it's terrible that I don't know, but he's climbing through where he's gonna be a high schooler and shit in three years yeah, like three, four years he's gonna be a high schooler and I think that is dangerous.
Speaker 2:When you try to be mr popular or when you try to make a name for yourself, you could put yourself in situations that's probably not the smartest, uh, that that could be anywhere from smoking cigarettes, taking a drink of alcohol or skipping school and getting in trouble that way.
Speaker 2:But I think because I had freedom to kind of do what I want and and don't get me wrong my mother was, she was very, she was strict to the point where if I fucked up I would get with the belt. I get my phone taken away, games taken away. So I think her strategy was like I want him to have fun and experience or make memories in high school, but if he fucks up, I'm going to make sure he knows that he fucks up and I think there's a balance to that. But if, if it's not closely regulated, then I think that a kid could kind of get consumed with being the man and then grades start to slip and then it's harder to rain, rain back in because like, like now, I think I'm tough shit, I'm like fuck these grades or I'd rather go to a party this weekend rather than study, because I got a d in history but and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:So but I think, like I said earlier, our experiences from childhood, high school and from what we were taught, how we were raised, shapes us. Our decisions we make, shapes us as the person we are, and I think, of course and every good, decent parent wants their children to have a better life than we did. So we want to, you know, instill what we learn into our children and it's just different. We mean you pretty much had the opposite experiences in high school and hell, when I, I miss high school just for the fact that it was fun, you know, and you got a different experience, as I do, same as my wife, who went to high school with us, would have a same or a different experience. But overall it's, it's part of what shapes us as an adult and but I kind of to add to what you were saying.
Speaker 3:I know you said that, uh, it might put you in situations where you're prone to peer pressure, but the way I look at it is you. You make yourself vulnerable to challenges that you may not be ready for that I. That's a good way and some people are ready for, so they can succeed with acting that way. But some people are are not so it just depends on that DNA.
Speaker 2:And it also goes back to parenting right.
Speaker 2:If you prepare your children for things that might come up. They probably won't know at that moment what to exactly do or what's the best choice. But if we talk to our kids before it happens they leave, they can at least think about it and maybe make a better decision, rather than someone who's never talked to their child about, you know, sex, drugs, alcohol, peer pressure, bullying, uh, anything stranger danger I mean. If you don't talk to your kids about it, then they, they're never gonna know what to even to do or even to think about what to do in those situations. So I think I try to tell lorenzo my oldest stuff like hey, this is stuff that may come up. Make good decisions.
Speaker 2:If you're not sure, just ask me. And I I solely believe that I tell him that hey, and this might not be until he's older, in high school. But like, hey, bro, if you're at a party or someone's house and like if you snuck off and like I don't know, I think you're somewhere, but you're somewhere else and someone fucking brings out cocaine or alcohol or weed and you're, you're not comfortable, or if you're not sure what to do, call me dude, I might be pissed that you lied and you're doing something that you're not supposed to do, but me being pissed and maybe me taking your phone away for a week. It's gonna be a lot better than if you end up taking that drug and something happens to you, or if someone gets hurt, or, like with alcohol, if you drink or someone drinks and you're driving and something happens.
Speaker 2:10 times worse than you just calling me up, me lecturing you and me taking your phone away, like so I I really try to push that into him and I'm gonna push it into my other kids, like guys call me and your mother, like don't worry about being in trouble, because you may get yourself into a situation that you may not be able to get out of. You know, ie uh, going to jail or getting a criminal record or getting into a drunk driving accident or getting getting into an accident at all. So yeah.
Speaker 2:I think it's important for parents to not lecture like all the time, but just say, hey, this could happen, like if it does talk to me, and then maybe, when they get closer to high school or older, like, hey, remember how we talked about blah, blah, blah. So I think that's really important when it comes to these kids making better decisions.
Speaker 3:Now what's cool about that is that has to be a cultural thing, because my wife, she's German, white German, however you want to look at it, white german however you want to look at it, and that was something I had to learn how to work with was her being so open with my son and what I like, just what?
Speaker 2:like? Just a little bit of content, what you mean, a little content.
Speaker 3:But what I mean by being open is having discussions about race, okay, having discussions about feelings? Uh, she's already started sex talk at a young age he's seven okay, I mean that could be, you know, controversial to some people, but well, the reason why I say that it helped me is because at first I was against it. Man, I grew up in a household where my parents was like you're a child, stay in a child's place stay out of grown folks.
Speaker 2:Well, you also grew up in a religious household, so I didn't grow up religious, but isn't like that's a stigma for religious families to not?
Speaker 3:talk about sex. No, that's black culture to stay out of grown folks business. But as far as sex, what I mean by that is like the male anatomy.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:Who might ask a question like hey, why does this feel like this? Sure, you know she has to. Well, well, let's call your dad and I'm like I don't want to talk to them about that, like I ain't ready for that. She's like well, you need to because I can't talk to him about it. Yeah and uh, we have conversations like that, but what I see the repayment is when he does something wrong, he admits it he opens up.
Speaker 2:That's a good quality to have.
Speaker 3:He has dialogue he can express his feelings, like recently, he's struggling with being alone at school what do you mean?
Speaker 2:being alone, like just no friends?
Speaker 3:he'll go to the lunch table and he'll be by himself. It's people that he called friends will call him trash and yeah, he's dealing with bullying at this age, but he don't have an outlet. But the reason why is and I'm trying to teach him is because you're on a different level when I say this dude is brilliant. He will take paper and glue and make any kind of gun you want, put a silencer on it, what? Really, I'm dead serious. He can take paper and make jets airplanes. Hey Dad, I'm going to make a loop like this and he'll do it. Or hey Dad, I'm going to make a loop like this and he'll do it. Or hey dad, I'm gonna make a loop and then turn. Damn, I mean, bro, he blows me away.
Speaker 2:He made, uh, rubber band blasters out of paper and glue awesome yeah, isn't it fucked up and like in our society that someone who's intellectually on a different level can't just somehow fit into society, Because you have people who will see that as well?
Speaker 1:he's not normal.
Speaker 2:Or they see it as a threat, or he's weird because he's doing this. Well, his mind is on a different level, he gets stimulated, different than you do. But people, kids, specifically kids, because kids are assholes and but they see that and it and you hear it all the time brilliant kids, smart kids or kids that IQs are through the roof, they don't fit into just regular society and it sucks for them because then they go through, like you said, bullying, being alone, just like kind of being an outcast.
Speaker 2:but they're the ones that, 20 years from now, are winning nobel prizes and, you know, making a change for the world because their mind is so far it's so far advanced, but it just sucks that we as a society, especially kids, can't identify that and be like, hey, man, this kid's really special, we should probably bring him in and he could teach us some shit.
Speaker 2:But no, it's like, it's like our, it's like just in our dna to just isolate and bully kids that are just not the same as others and that sucks. But I feel for you because I always see videos and TV shows and I hear stories about kids being bullied and you see shows where kids are depressed at school at the lunch table by themselves because nobody wants to hang around with them, and that sucks and that would just destroy me if one of my kids came to me like that. But I think in your situation you know your boy is special and you know your boy is on a different level and so that gives. That makes you feel proud. For to where he's at is just one of those things where I and I don't have the answer to how to handle that in the social structure like school. But I there's, there's got to be ways to have them, help them cope and be able to, you know, be more socially acceptable. I just don't know what the answer is my view on.
Speaker 3:it is not so much that I'm proud. I'm proud of him as an individual. I'm proud for him, for persevering. He hates school but he's a beast at it. He literally is the epitome of me.
Speaker 2:Do you think he hates it because he's not being challenged enough?
Speaker 3:That's part of it and the fact that he has to deal with those kids yeah, of course. But my challenge is encouraging him to keep going. Let him know like all right, dude, it's a maturity game, you are above everybody in the mature uh in the maturity game and it's been helping. But what it's doing also is pushing him to hang with me more so now, versus beforehand he was always with his mom. He's like hey, dad, can we go to Shoops and go to our spot and have a talk?
Speaker 2:I'm looking like this dude, this seven-year-old.
Speaker 3:My seven-year-old. I'm telling you dude, he's a beast dude, hey dad, this is my view on this man. Let me tell you I'm going to brag on him a little bit. Bass player. This, this is my view, man. Let me tell you I'm gonna brag on him a little bit. Yeah, go ahead, man. Bass player drum player.
Speaker 2:Uh, a whiz when it comes to paper, bro. Yeah, he picked up a pencil and drew sonic the hedgehog just by looking at it, damn that's, that's talent, man.
Speaker 3:man, all right, that's talent. Good at math. He was doing multiplication at the age of what? Five four.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 3:I was practicing one of them at a young age.
Speaker 2:Dude. You need to go get him tested and get his IQ. See where he's at, dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:He might be like put him in high school right now.
Speaker 3:He still got some developing to do bro I wish I could. I'm kidding, I got to locate you. You remember TJ Henderson off of Smart Guy?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:My kid looked just like him.
Speaker 2:Really yeah.
Speaker 3:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:Straight up. That's really cool To me. That would be exciting, almost like so. How you get super excited about that is kind of like how I'm super excited for the potential Lorenzo has as a baseball player, and I'll brag a little bit on my own. So he's 10 years old, he'll be 11 in March and he's playing baseball with 12-year-olds. He jumped up because we felt like me and him had like a straight conversation, like a heart to heart. I took the benefits and cons of playing you know 11U baseball and the same thing with 12U. I'm like, hey, man, you may not be able to get that much playing time, these kids might be better than you and yada, yada, yada. Or you could just go back to your other team. You'll be the starter, you'll get playing time and you'll be fine. But he took it upon himself. He wanted to challenge himself, play at an upper level and at least right now, with fall ball he was the number one catcher and like seeing that especially, you know me, I'm a baseball guy.
Speaker 2:Seeing that really gets me excited and to feel that if, because no one could push him other than himself Himself, yeah, he has push him other than himself. He has to want to be better, he has to want to do the extra work to, you know, get himself on that new level, and all I could do is just be the transportation for him and get him to where he's got to go and get him the exposure that he needs.
Speaker 3:Be a guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's great, great man. That that's super exciting. I didn't realize that he was that smart and that talented and man like sky's the limit for him.
Speaker 2:Sky's the limit. I mean it's if it just sounds like he. He needs to be stimulated and so he turns that into learning different skills and honing those skills and he likes what he learns. So he keeps doing it and that's great, man, and hey, whatever you're doing, keep doing. The only piece of advice from father to father would be, like you said earlier, keep in a sense hyping him up. Just say, hey, man, you're on a different level, these kids, they don't understand you because they don't understand your excellence, your brilliance.
Speaker 2:Hey like I said, hype it up more than what it is. Make him feel like you know what Damn. You know what damn, you know what I am smarter than these kids I am. I am special in a way and that way and that's not gonna solve like the bullying and the isolation problem, but at least he'll make him bulletproof yeah, and or make him see it in a different light.
Speaker 2:I'm like these kids don't understand me. These kids don't realize how special I am, how good I am, like I don't, I don't need them type of mentality, but like he's young man, he's got so much life you know to go, so you know, like I said, sky's the limit to him for sure. Oh yeah, that that's, that's awesome, that, that, that makes me feel all giddy yeah, I'm happy about your son too.
Speaker 3:Kudos to him, man. I see him being a beast. Low key, I hope, and samson I like.
Speaker 2:I said I just I hope he sticks with it. I I always told him like hey, if you get to a point where you're like dad, I just I don't love the game, or I don't like it, or I'm not motivated, like I'm not going to be the father to be like no you're sticking with it no matter what, and then just have them be miserable all those years.
Speaker 2:The only thing I required of my kids is that they have to play at least one sport you know, each season. I don't care if that's tennis, wrestling, the shit, they could take a karate class, whatever. But I just need my kids to be active so that way they're just not at home all day on their phone or in front of a game. Because right now Lorenzo's schedule is literally Sunday three-hour practice, monday fitness, wednesday fitness for an hour and a half, friday practice for an hour and a half, and then come January he's going to have practice for two hours on Saturday. Wow, that keeps you busy, you know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying as well as you, so I know and then it's so stressful and exhausting but at the end of the end of the day, end of the weekend, it's like that was fun you know, that it's fun. I love seeing my kids out there performing and it's the memories.
Speaker 2:I would yeah, I wouldn't give it up for anything and that's fantastic. So kind of flip it here. I got 10 different I guess you would have called circumstances or abilities and I'm gonna list 10 of them. I want you to pick four and if we want, we could, you could pick all four and then you could just kind of give your reason why. Or if you want to pick one and then just give a reason, we could go that way, so you can only pick four. Number one is infinite wealth, money. You're never low on money, always rich. Number two the ability. Of the ability, I can't talk to time travel. Three world peace. Four internal youth. Five mastery of all knowledge. Six the power to heal any illness. Seven Unlimited happiness. Eight Instant teleportation. Nine Bring back a loved one. And ten Immortality. And if you need to see the list, Let me look at that.
Speaker 3:So if you need to see the list, let me look at that.
Speaker 2:So if you could only pick four, which ones do you think they would be, and why?
Speaker 3:Alright, so first I'm going to go backwards. I would definitely bring back a loved one if I could.
Speaker 2:And who would that be?
Speaker 3:I'm going to go backwards. Sure, yeah, I would definitely bring back a loved one if I could. And who would that be? Man, all of them, I think it's only one. If I could pick one, I honestly would bring back my sister, bro. My sister was a pillar in my success, always encouraging, taught me how to take care of myself, stand with confidence Out of appearance matters, don't go out there looking crazy and stand up for yourself. She didn't take no crap.
Speaker 2:How much older was she?
Speaker 3:I want to say exactly 10 years.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a big difference.
Speaker 3:I might be off with that, I have to double check, but she was quite older than me, quite older than me and, um, yeah, I, I would, I would like to model my life after her. She was a protector, like I said.
Speaker 3:She always came out looking the best, looking the great, and she was heavier, you know, but she made heavy look good, you know what I'm saying so it was the confidence that she stepped out of, but it was never a thing that you know to bring family together to look out for family, you know.
Speaker 2:So that would be one now real quick and you don't have to answer. I can edit it out, but because I don't know, do you do you mind if I ask how she passed away? So crazy.
Speaker 3:I think this is what kind of kicked off me and your wife's friendship.
Speaker 2:Really Okay yeah.
Speaker 3:So my sophomore year I lost my grandfather and my sister. In the same year and the way she passed. She had MS.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you heard what that is, but I've heard of it, but for people like me or anybody else, what is that?
Speaker 3:now to my understanding, because I really don't know the details of it, but parts of your body are not able to function correctly, you know. So I know she was wheelchair bound. She couldn't move around like she wanted to. She had a lot of weakness now.
Speaker 2:Was she diagnosed later in life or she always had this growing up type?
Speaker 3:This was later. What I mean by later? She was like 25, 26. The crazy thing was that wasn't what killed her. I think that assisted because she couldn't move around like she wanted to. But, she went to the bathroom and she had a blood clot that was not addressed. She went to the bathroom and never came out. It went to her heart and she dropped dead in the bathroom Like a heart attack, I don't know. It went to her heart and she dropped it in the bathroom. They looked for a heart attack.
Speaker 2:I don't know the medical, so she had a blood clot in her neck that wasn't taken care of, so does that cause a heart?
Speaker 3:attack. I'm not sure where it started, but it got to the heart and I think once it got to the heart it stopped blood flow or whatever and she dropped it. The sad thing about her, her death, is we have very little literal info because we were half siblings, so my dad had her like a family history. Yeah, information okay yeah, my, my dad had her Like a family history information. Yeah, my dad had her first, before he even met my mom. Yeah, and her mom kept her away from us, you know.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't until Drama.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, yeah, Okay, I get that and it wasn't until later in life, or later in her time in life, that she was able to be like all right, I'm grown, I'm about to make amends, I'm gonna make the effort. And she would come from indy, come pick us up, hang with us. We'll go down to indy, you know, hang out. And when she passed, this man ticked me off oh sure they dressed her like a clown.
Speaker 3:She was not in like the best of threads. They put like floor chain threads on her well who was responsible for her mom, they were dressed in all white really yes all white all white that's weird. I don't okay they didn't really acknowledge her family, meaning us as her siblings and my dad and the dude she married never heard from since. No shit. Yeah, that was a tragic little situation.
Speaker 2:So how did that turn into a friendship with my wife?
Speaker 3:Well, I think her being there at one of my lowest points.
Speaker 2:Okay. So you guys were cool prior to your sister passing and she kind of helped you or were just acquaintances, and then she passed and you guys became closer friends that way I'm not sure.
Speaker 3:I just know, because I probably didn't even tell her I'm a very private individual. Uh, it actually took me a minute to be like, yeah, let me go ahead, hop on this podcast with you because I don't know how I do, but I get it, I know she. She brought a lot of energy and that helped me stay focused in school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, she'll do, she'll do that oh yeah, so it helped me sidetrack what I was going through, because I ain't gonna lie man.
Speaker 2:It got to the point to where, um, my grades were affected well, yeah, man, I mean same thing with my wife when her mother passed away. I know it's slightly different, but still a close family member. But I mean deaths could fuck a person up and it takes a person like jessica and I'm sure and I'm just assuming you had other support, you know groups or people, you but it takes a strong person to kind of keep you grounded and get you back on track and that's awesome. I didn't know that. I'm glad she was there to help you out.
Speaker 3:If I'm not mistaken. I don't know if I told anybody. Yeah, so that's just kind of how you handle things, you just it's not very open and internal, and I get that the crazy thing about her death was uh, it was hard to see my dad cry. I never, never, seen my son to see their dad cry yeah, that's when you know shit's real yeah when you see your father cry, yeah me that usually it's a wake-up call.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, absolutely.
Speaker 3:And uh, I felt like I had to be strong for him. And we were we there, it where it was. I did not fully grieve until, like seven years later so you just broke down one man and just kind of I'm at work. I'm at work. It was craziest thing ever and she just came to mind. I was just thinking about stuff that she done and one of the biggest memories I had was we ordered some spicy chicken from KFC back when they had spicy chicken.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And they didn't give us a spicy chicken. She went off. No, they about to play us too.
Speaker 2:She was the Karen before. Oh yeah, the thing, yeah, so she like man, we about to play us too.
Speaker 3:She was the karen before. Oh, yeah, the thing. Yeah, so we she like man, we about to go out there. We like no, it's okay, that's, don't worry about it, we'll just go to the mall instead. Well, we went to the mall and somebody broke in her car and took all her cds what yeah? That's all they took was cd they, that's all. Well, I don't know if they took anything else. Okay, but she had a huge. I don't know if you remember back in the day she had those binders.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you had the binders with all 400 CDs that you had to carry.
Speaker 3:And they stole them. And so I'm thinking about that man. And then I'm starting to think about how my sister made a connection with her and how she bragged on me and I'm in the bottom of a barge at my job that I will currently work for now and I broke down, yeah, and couldn't understand why. But I realized I never did grieve. I don't think I ever did. I never talked to nobody about it. I always held an end. And I'm not saying I'm like that with everything, but that particular situation I couldn't open up to nobody dude.
Speaker 2:Death is very weird cause, even for me, like even going to a funeral. It could be someone close. It could be a friend of a family. It could be someone close. It could be a friend of a family. It could be someone like my great grandmother. For some reason, I cannot just willingly go up to the casket and see that person there. Something about seeing the way they're made up and the way they're. The way they're made up and the way they're because, like, I guess knowing the process of how they get people ready makes me see past what they're supposed to like or what they did look like, and it's just something about going up to the casket seeing that person for the last time. It's very hard for me and I think about it sometimes. Like man, what? How would I feel like if my mother died? Yeah, or if I my my nana, my very close nana, who basically helped my mother raise me like man. She's getting up there in age like how?
Speaker 1:how am?
Speaker 2:I going to feel when she dies and it's kind of fucked up that in my head. I'm like I don't think I would cry, you know, almost like it's not real and I don't know how to handle death. And, like you, maybe it might be where, say, if my mother passes away, you know, knock on wood. Of course I don't want that to happen and I hope it doesn't happen. But just for sake of conversation, if she were to pass away, I think I would still have a hard time going to the casket, seeing her and just being able to move on almost to the point where, like man, like, would I even cry? Like you would think your mother died, you'd be bawling, but like, something in me doesn't think that that would be the reaction that I have and I don't know why. I don't know where it comes.
Speaker 2:People handle grieving and death in different ways and people hold things in and sometimes you just break down, not even with death. People have different ways handling stress, anxiety, pressure, heartache, heartbreak, whatever it is, and that's why, like, I feel like communicating and, honestly, this is part of the reason why I started this podcast, because I could talk to people kind of like just go down rabbit holes of shit that happened interesting topics, stories gives me a chance, gives me an outlet to kind of just kind of talk about what I got going on in my brain. And that's why I was. I won't lie, I was kind of nervous. You're making me nervous, man, because you're you're talking to jessica and he's like, uh, he's not entirely sure if he can open up, or he's a little nervous. I'm like man, I want him to feel comfortable and I want that conversation to happen between us.
Speaker 3:Let me explain that to you and we'll get back on topic. So the reason why is I'm actually an evangelism pastor at my church, okay, and I publicly speak and I remember so you publicly speak.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead, I'm going to tell you why?
Speaker 3:so? I publicly speak and I remember having a conversation or I was having a publicly speaking event and I said something that unintentionally hurt somebody's feelings. They know I was going to do it, but now I'm very skeptical about certain topics, about certain people or who may be involved. I might offend my son years from now, uh, but but you can't control how people feel.
Speaker 2:You have an opinion or you feel strongly about something, or you tell a story or an experience to happen to you and you reflect off that. I mean you can't. That's with anything. You're not going to please everybody and, just like my wife, you're a person pleaser.
Speaker 3:I know I'm sorry, I'm a sucker, I know.
Speaker 2:But you're just. You got to at least know that you can't please everybody. Everybody's going to have their own opinion and not everyone's gonna agree with you, not everyone's gonna agree with me, and that that that's life.
Speaker 3:Now let me give you a perspective. Okay, growing up in certain situations where you always had to be the mender, okay kind of helps you form to be a people pleaser and I think not to give too much away.
Speaker 2:But that's kind of the same realm of situation that you're talking about is pretty much how jessica kind of grew up and yeah, I mean, I, I get it, I get. Where the people pleaser comes from is just my personal take on. It is people won't not all, but people will take advantage, oh, of course, and people will push and, push and push. Now don't get it what they could get.
Speaker 3:Don't get it twisted, I'll. I'll sit the I'll put the foot down if I need to good I'll shut the door if I need to, very good, but when you care about somebody, and their feelings.
Speaker 3:I get that there are certain things you'd be like, all right, no, like if I was to sit up here and talk about my wife. There's certain things I'm not gonna talk about, sure, you know one, there's a cold that I live by, and then the other is that I don't know how she's gonna appreciate certain things being said on a public platform. You know, I understand. So that that's.
Speaker 2:That hopefully clears up why you uh well, why I was a little skeptical it does and, like I said, I'm glad you said it and it for me, for the people listening and and I don't expect everybody to be open an open book and honestly I think you're doing great.
Speaker 2:You know, in my head I was kind of thinking maybe of the worst and I was gonna have to really pull things from you no, but no you're, you're doing great, we're, we're having a great conversation, like well, there's, we're not having any pauses, we're not having any awkward silences, right like we're moving into conversations and that's all I can add yeah, because I mean, if you want to go down childhood, there are certain things I want to talk about, but there's some stuff I'm like bro, do y'all be blown away?
Speaker 2:I get it, everybody's got crazy things, and that could be another thing. If we max out time here and you got shit on your mind. You're like man, I wish we would have talked about that. We'll bring you on, for we, like I, got a production team or something.
Speaker 3:I'll see you.
Speaker 2:I'll see you I'll bring you back on and we'll just do you know, matt paul, part two, so that's not a big deal, but let's circle back. So, obviously, number one, bring a loved one back and a, and real quick, just before we move on. Uh, your sister sounded like an amazing person. She sounded like she definitely had an influence on you and it. It fucking sucks that her life was taken so early.
Speaker 2:And yeah, I'm glad I appreciate that bro you'll speak on it she, I really do sounded awesome, man, and it's she was, it sucks she's uh yeah
Speaker 2:she's, she's in my dna, bro hell yeah, and keep it like, and I'm glad if, if there was some way that this podcast kind of keeps her alive, even if it's just with you yeah, we got. We got her kind of her. We didn't get her story out, but we talked about her. She's in people's minds, people that know you will know her, and and whatever we could do to kind of keep her spirit and let me correct something.
Speaker 3:I I'm not 100 sure if I did share in high school, but I know she wasn't a topic very, very long if she was shared people like j, like Jessica, just know when their friend or family when there is something wrong and she's not the person to push information, but she sees you moping around. Oh, I already know.
Speaker 2:She will act her normal self, yep, and I love her. I love her for that. She's an amazing person, an amazing wife. Okay, so what's the second one? We got three more.
Speaker 3:So we got the Power to Heal Any Illness.
Speaker 2:So that's the one you're picking. You're just going on the.
Speaker 3:That'll be what I pick.
Speaker 2:So what you man, you would have to? Man, if you had that power, you would taking a trip to africa and just going down a tour and just healing everybody, or how do you think you would use that power?
Speaker 3:man. Um, I got such a big heart, man, and I'm not not bragging, that's just who I am. It carried on to my kids. I don't have to go to Africa, bro. I could be in these streets here and heal anybody.
Speaker 2:If that got out and Matthew Paul has the ability to heal all Like, don't you think you would have thousands of people probably coming across the world knocking on your door? You know your door, asking to be healed, and I'm just trying to see how this would play out. But how do you do you think why not?
Speaker 2:no, absolutely I'm not saying not to, but I'm saying that this would probably have to be your full time gig. But obviously you're saving lives. But, man, that would be your life, essentially just checking off, healing us as you go now in real life.
Speaker 3:I know if you donate time, effort, uh, assistance, support, not necessarily going and clocking in a nine to five, but let's say you call me. It was like, hey, man, I need. I need you to help me move this table. Yeah man, that goes a long way.
Speaker 1:It starts with a table, absolutely.
Speaker 3:You're going to return with a meal, hopefully a Thortha. Then you're going to call me again Like, hey, man, I'm going to eat this done and I'm going to need this done and I'm going to come through and you form a relationship. But what happens is you build up inventory, I would say, to things to open up for you. So like now, me at my job, man, people only come to me because I'm known as make it happen. That's my nickname at the job.
Speaker 2:Make it happen.
Speaker 3:Matt Barton's make it happen, and what happens is because I make it happen for people that come to me, they come back. I get a Red Bull, I get Starbucks.
Speaker 1:Like perks.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I get lunch every day, so it it pays off. I won't need a job. If I was healing folk, I'm sure they'll come with a tv, they'll come with a house and a car I like how you think about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that see that that that's quality right there, because I was thinking, like man, what is what is he going to do for money, like what would he do for a job? But, as you said, I think the benefits and perks would outweigh the need for, like, a steady paycheck, absolutely the only reason why I think like that is because it's happened already.
Speaker 3:I poured blood, sweat and tears into helping church, people, other people, and in return it's been nothing but good. You might get tickets to a cane, you might get a slightly used motor vehicle, you might get all types of things. Man, anything can come into your hands after helping out.
Speaker 2:I think, though, the downfall to that situation like going back to the game is I think you would have a bounty on your head from pharmaceuticals For real, though they see this motherfucker motherfucker's healing everybody. I can't make money off my uh like cancer patients and my all these you know people that are uh bedridden, and stuff like that. I think you would have a bouncy on your head so I'm sure I would.
Speaker 3:I would try to heal as many people, but that yeah hey, but with that being said, I'll go ahead and pick that next one, which, oh yeah, we'll go ahead with more time, all right okay, no, I'm just playing all right.
Speaker 2:Okay, so two more. So two more real, like if you really had to think about it, what?
Speaker 3:would be the other two, third one mastery of all knowledge. That would come now. That would help.
Speaker 2:We're trying to stay alive with these people coming because you would have survival knowledge, uh like strategy knowledge, all the knowledge, yeah, okay yeah that would. That would tie in and you could solve the world's probably biggest problems too. Yeah, again uh like famine or uh what is it? Uh? Oh my god, the temperature outside, uh, global global warming, global warming, all the shit that we're going through. You could probably solve a lot of those fucking problems if you had mastery of all knowledge. So, last one, what? What's the last one? You?
Speaker 3:got all right. Last one uh, I will go ahead and say infinite wealth, wow you'll be. Well then I guess that you wouldn't need a job if you're healing everybody yeah and then there you go yeah, and the reason why I say that, though, is I've thought about this many a time.
Speaker 2:Maybe you have to.
Speaker 3:Where your healthcare workers, like the ones that's in the grind, rns, your LPNs, your CNs man, they're getting their tub busted every day and not getting paid for it. Now we paying athletes millions?
Speaker 2:And then teachers, who are supposed to be you know, molding our minds for the future don't get paid shit. I think, about that all the time dude, I'll be paying them all. Yeah, and help us help the generation you know people would end up worshiping your ass for all the shit that you were doing. Let me see the phone.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't know about being worship I don't want to be worship. No, but I just want.
Speaker 2:I want this place to be a better place I think the answers you gave and the reasons that you gave kind of, I think, in my opinion gives a good idea of what kind of person you are and what kind of heart you have, and I think that at least let people who don't know who you are just give a general idea that hey, this guy, he's okay, he's an okay guy.
Speaker 3:what's crazy you saying that? That's been a testament. My entire life man I've been. I've been in the church my entire life and I'm gonna be honest, dude, I done had, uh, killers, drug dealers, lesbians, gays, all. Hey, man, respect me. Even knowing my views, I've had people open up to me, talk to me, say you're down to earth, you're this, you're that, you're not judgmental. It's not that I I push my belief. I have my belief for me, for my structure. Um, just because I believe in this doesn't necessarily mean it's spiritual or religious, religion, religious.
Speaker 3:I can't talk that's all right but I'll edit it just because I believe in a certain thing doesn't mean I'm spiritual and religious. It's. It's my view on things. It's my choice to live up to this standard, you know. So I feel like an individual should be based off an individual, individual basis, not because of their religious views or because I'm gonna tell you, dude, some of these religious people yeah I don't even want to start that that could be for literally like a whole two hours just on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I know. Believe me, I've seen it, heard it, experienced it. As far as, just like I told the last guest, you could start in California, make your way all the way to North Carolina, talk to 100 people, make your way all the way to North Carolina, Talk to 100 people and you'll probably get like 300 different views on religion alone.
Speaker 2:And it's crazy. People take beliefs, I think sometimes too far, and I think people maybe interpret things differently than it should be, and just people in general have radical beliefs. Yeah and anything and that's yeah it. That could be a whole nother tangent that what I see. I heard that and you can kind of clarify you don't drink liquor alcohol or you've never had alcohol before, never, never tried alcohol, never. Why is that? If you don't mind asking, I had not coil does that count?
Speaker 2:no, but no. I am curious, is there? Is that like a code you live by? Or is there a deeper reason why you don't drink?
Speaker 3:So before it was spiritual or religious, because of my background in Christianity and being who I was as a pastor's kid I didn't drink. Being who I was as a pastor's kid, I didn't drink, but later on, when I had the opportunity, and this is why I want my kid to experience what he experienced at an early age. I was bottled up in high school and got to college and lost my mind Really, but I seen how people reacted to liquor.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:And I did not partake. I did not want to be like that I feel like you didn't have much control, you don't? I never wanted to partake in something like that.
Speaker 2:I mean that takes a lot of discipline, I think.
Speaker 3:Not really, you don't think so. It's either. Now I'm going to tell you so. I might not have trained, but I smoke.
Speaker 2:Like smoke weed yeah.
Speaker 3:And I feel like that's because it was so accessible. As a child, you remember those orange Audi bags with the blue square on them yeah the big man. I done seen bricks a week like just what damn, and I'm talking about 6, 7, 8 grade, just bricks, holy shit. So being around it I guess I was more comfortable because I seen how people were. It was cool laid back. Actually, my first blunt I smoked was in 6th grade.
Speaker 2:No shit.
Speaker 3:And I didn't like it. But I never got high, so it didn't bother me to do it again.
Speaker 2:Until one time. Okay, go ahead. Until one time in college was no, okay, go ahead, you're going to.
Speaker 3:Until. One time in college I met a Jamaican and she stored all her roaches up in a cabinet. Yeah, she was broke.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:She had no money. So she was like well, if you get a blunt like a cigarillo, I could make something happen.
Speaker 2:I'm like, all right, very resourceful.
Speaker 3:Bro, I don't know what that was, man, she had some regular mixed with some Salmolilla, some Thriller, some Killer.
Speaker 2:That cannot be recommended. To mix all that shit, Bro it was all her old roaches. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Broke it down into a blunt. I took two hits.
Speaker 2:I was the highest I ever been in my entire life, damn I can't imagine that's a lot of different strands to, I'm sure, again bog dude yeah, so I don't know.
Speaker 3:After that I said, yeah, I'm done with this, I can't do that. So I strayed away from all that, but luckily that was the hardest drug I got to know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I've always been cautious and that's probably for the best. Because, yeah, I partook in alcohol obviously college, even in high school, took in alcohol obviously college, even in high school and I'm to the point where I don't even see the appeal anymore because of the effects it has. The taste, really, yeah, and it's like I'm not even into it. Someone offers me something, even if I'm like at a family party, I generally don't take it because, one, I don't want to deal with the taste.
Speaker 2:Two, I don't want to deal with it in the morning and I don't know if it's just a maturity thing, just to be over with it, because there's still people like in their 40s, 50s that just love to get drunk every weekend and it's it's a personal preference if people love alcohol more than a, b and c and people are just over with it because they drank so much in college.
Speaker 3:And I was just curious because when I heard that I'm like damn really I remember, I remember you asked me that one day I was like you straight.
Speaker 2:You all right, that's crazy dude, but I mean kudos to that, because there's no really downfall from not drinking alcohol, there's only upside from staying away from it. So yeah, man, that's freaking awesome, yeah. So yeah, man, that's that's freaking awesome, yeah. And then also I wanted to ask you you mentioned you're married. How, how long have you been married for? If people get the face see the face that he just made of him thinking go ahead, take your time, so it's been so long, man no uh you've been married that long.
Speaker 2:I know you've been with her for a while, but how long have you been married for? Has it been almost as long?
Speaker 3:actually it's nine years. It'll be 10 years on the second of january 10 years.
Speaker 2:And then how long were you with her before you get married?
Speaker 3:Alright, don't judge. 5 months.
Speaker 2:Really you guys are together for 10 years. I mean, obviously something clicked, but no, and you don't have to go into details. But I was just curious.
Speaker 3:Okay, so wait, wait, wait I lied, it was longer than that.
Speaker 2:I started talking to her in 13 july, so that'll put us at a year and a half maybe, yeah, of talking, dating and engagement all included and then, and the only reason reason I asked because we'll end the podcast on this note but I was reading something and it really resonated with me because I've been married to my wife for going on seven years.
Speaker 2:It'll be eight years and, well, we just got to the seven years, but we've been together all through most of high school, so we've been together for a long time and I wanted to ask you, coming from someone who's been married for a very long time, what do you think is the biggest lesson like, what do you think is your the biggest takeaway you've gotten from being married for that long?
Speaker 3:First and foremost I'm going to give you two. First and foremost, keep everybody out your marriage For sure, very good advice.
Speaker 2:If you do allow somebody, they have to be unbiased oh yeah, well, that's harder to do with somebody that's special closer to you than for sure, but I get what you're saying but there's people like your wife.
Speaker 3:I don't mind taking stuff too, because she gonna be like well, looko, that's your fault.
Speaker 1:You should have never did that.
Speaker 3:I'm like well, I was just wondering if she really planned or if she is tired. She is tired, mateo. I'm tired every day and I'm like okay all right, I got it, I got you, but you want somebody that's unbiased. That's going to be the one that's going to challenge you and say hey look, dude, before you start pointing fingers, make sure you are a hundred percent in that mirror, and nine times out of 10, you're not.
Speaker 2:No, I like that. I like that, so that's the other one.
Speaker 3:That's first. Second, this goes along with one of my codes, which is and all that getting getting, get an understanding. If you can try to understand your spouse, you just trying to understand them should open up doors for them to try to understand you and you work it out absolutely.
Speaker 2:That's probably. That's probably my biggest takeaway that I've taken from marriage, and I think someone put it in a good way and you could think of it and give me your opinion on it. But there's three stages of marriage. When everything is perfect, you overlook anything you dislike about each other. You're excited about your life together. You want to serve each other unconditionally. That's stage one. That's like the honeymoon stage and all that stuff. But then there comes stage two, when they start to irritate you, when they start to notice each other's imperfections. You start yelling and arguing with each other, even at the smallest of things, or criticize, complain and start resenting each other.
Speaker 2:And it happens especially if you're with someone for so long it happens and you start to question the marriage. But I think stage three which is the most? Important and I've experienced and have thought about and I personally have learned in my own ways that stage three is you stuck at it and you push through it together. Now you understand each other just like how you're saying. You understand how each other works.
Speaker 2:There is where you experience real love when you when, like you said, when you could really understand and appreciate that other person. I think that's where real love does come from, because you could love somebody, you could, you know, say you'll do everything for them. You, you get to the honeymoon stage, everything's great. But that stage two, when you live with somebody and you go through the shit and there's obstacles in life between either involving both of you or one of you, and shit just hits the fan. You recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses and accept that about them, and I think that's probably the hardest thing that most people, I don't think, get to experience or get to that stage. Because our divorce rates are so high, specifically in this country, because I think it's a lot easier to for someone to just file divorce and sign a piece of paper easy out and deal with it and.
Speaker 2:But I think me personally, being in a marriage has probably been the hardest thing that I ever have to in not endure, but just have to take on. You know, face to face, yeah, because I think in my in, in my past and this is just recently in the last few years I think, I've been more concentrated or more focused on just like me, me, me, and not so much on my partner and not really not truly understanding what their concerns are, what their values are, how they look at certain things, because just me and you sitting here could talk about one subject and view it two different ways yeah but to be with someone that you are married to and have to live with and you have to raise a family and you, you guys, we have to be on the same page.
Speaker 2:If we're not on the same page, then like even a regular partnership running a business, if you guys are on the same page on things, it doesn't last. And I think, over time and with the help of outside support and family support, I think I've really it's really resonated with me to really take the time and actually think about my wife's, about my wife's values concerns, and I think it's helped me grow into a better person, better father and better husband, because, like I said, I mean I was always the type of person to blow things off.
Speaker 2:I really don't like confrontation, so like, yeah arguments and stuff I would try to avoid, or I would just blow off or don't respond yeah, don't respond, or you would make some even more mad yeah, and the fucked up part is that over years, like she would state like her issues, but it was it was always something like well, we're married, we're together, like it's gonna go in one ear, out the other, but and I never really truly like just sat like fuck. How does this particular thing know, make her feel, or?
Speaker 1:how does it affect her?
Speaker 2:It was just always like, yeah, I don't think it's a big deal, I don't want to do it, so I'm going to just let it roll off my shoulder and think that it's going to go away, rambled. But just those three stages, I think, is what makes a marriage really last and really enjoyable if two people could communicate to each other and solve issues and be open, especially when something happens, because when when you hold shit in, oh, I've learned, we've learned yeah when things are not spoken at the time of the incident and things are held back.
Speaker 2:That's when shit hits the fan.
Speaker 1:It's almost too late.
Speaker 3:Because it'll come out later. It'll come out.
Speaker 2:Exactly so I mean just kind of going over those three stages. What's your take? Do you agree? Do you have something you want to add?
Speaker 3:Or do you think it's so I can? I can only speak on the experience, because I mean, that's all I have. Yeah, uh, I just, I shorted holly. I never went through the honeymoon stage. I, I'm, I'm very I don't even know the words, uh to say you shorter as far as like, but yeah, she was in the honeymoon stage and I was. I was. So what were you?
Speaker 2:I was married, you know, I mean I was about, I was on my grind, okay I was about, you know, making things happen and I'm trying to.
Speaker 3:all right. Now I'm married. Now my next goal get to this? Okay, all right, I gotta hit a hundred. Next goal get to this Okay, all right, I got to hit a hundred grand. I got to get to the steps of that. All right, I got to get this house, I got to get this car, you know. So I was, I was very detail oriented and I never really put the time and effort which I did dating her to kind of know her. Knowing her, not living with her, is not the same as knowing her living with her I agree, you know so once we got together, um, of course she going to the honeymoon stage, I didn't uh.
Speaker 3:We got to the second part where we started having issues and, I'll be honest, it was easy for me to be cold, cut her off yeah, just not deal with her bounce off. Yeah, absolutely and uh, it took me a while to to see. All right, now you got to get your act together. Of course. I talked to a couple of people and first mistake was I had the wrong people giving me advice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's hard Because you think you have a certain support group and you don't. I mean you're going to them because you don't know the right answer, and for people to give you bad advice, you can't really blame yourself, right?
Speaker 3:but I should never put myself in that predicament yeah, that's true you're absolutely right. I should have treated it as if it was a friendship. You know some people you're like alright man, I know I'm not about to go to them about her because he already gonna have this view. I already knew the view they was gonna have, so I should about to go to them about her because he already going to have this view. Sure, I already knew the view they was going to have.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. So I should never even went to him. But I got to the third stage a lot sooner and what it was was she understood me on a view and it blew me away because I didn't think she would actually take the time, because my wife she's straight bro, I mean not trying to be funny, but she is square as they come, bro.
Speaker 2:I mean like and that's just how she was brought up.
Speaker 3:That's her view, that was her upbringing, yeah and uh for her to see me a rugged old, beat up young man for my view. It blew me away and it made me gain so much more respect for her. So now, if we ever get into an argument, I'm slow to speak Because I want to see where she gets out first.
Speaker 2:And it ticks her off, because now she's like well, you're not talking, well, no, I gotta process, let me process and then if you have those discussions, like hey, if I'm not speaking right away, it's because I'm trying to process, but if you don't have those talks, then she's just assuming that this dude's not listening to me, but that's, and that's what I'm saying like that communication to where you express like, hey, this is why I'm doing it or this isn't what I'm doing. You know, giving a reason or giving explanation to certain things it goes a long way but the killer.
Speaker 3:The thing that seals the deal is the follow-up.
Speaker 2:So if you just ponder and never follow up, it was in vain and that was, and that was a big part of my issue too, because I would talk a big game but my actions weren't consistent and and when it? Because it was, it was in my head, it was I'm gonna, I hear what you're saying, let me do this right away, make you happy and then it's like not really understanding or taking the time to where to take it as serious as she was yeah because then I wouldn't stay consistent with something and then she'd be like this motherfucker is still not doing what I'm asking so yeah, I I totally agree with that.
Speaker 2:Follow-up is probably one of the most important things when it comes to a partnership. Because that? Because if you don't follow up or if you don't be consistent, that person feels like they're not hurt exactly or they don't feel like they don't feel value yep, and that's what I've been really not struggling, but just really trying to not force, but like just really hammer into myself.
Speaker 3:So let me encourage you, man, because one'm going to commend you for doing this. Having this podcast, being able to open up, actually bringing young men in having discussions, that's a big thing, bro. Appreciate it, but don't beat yourself up. You got time to grow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3:As long as you're growing, as long as you're making an effort to grow and you're going in the right direction, it'll all come. It ain't no race. Y'all got a lifetime together. You're right. You're absolutely right.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying and it's funny and I'll end it on this little kind of tidbit, but I kind of see it as like like a video game, like I, every little progress is a level it's a level and I'm like, oh shit, I'm leveling up I made this progress.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, I leveled up again but, no, absolutely, and, like I said, we're, we're still. We're still young, we still have a lifetime of experiences to go through. Um, who knows what what's going to happen in the future, but as long as we as you know, men and people just feel like we're growing in some type of way, it could be a one percent increase, but it's one% every day for 365 days adds up.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I think if we keep on our grind and we keep we stand on business and we take care of our families and we just do what's best for our wife and kids, I think me and you will be all right.
Speaker 3:Because once your kids get old and move out, yeah. I see all the time where I'm at. They don't even know their spouse.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I could see that. You have to.
Speaker 3:You have to constantly date. You have to constantly dig in and develop that relationship. Don't let it go still.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's crazy. We still like learn things about each other to this day. Just like oh, you grew up thinking like oh okay, real quick, real quick. So, she might be mad for me exposing her like this, but do you know what Indian apples are? Indian apples, indian apples, apples. It's a fruit. Do you know what it is or what it looks like? Have you ever heard that it's saying?
Speaker 2:no indian apples to her are pomegranates. She never knew it was called a pomegranate. She always thought and knew it as indian apples and I just learned that shit yesterday wow that's crazy yeah, so like stuff like that, like seven years in stuff like that we're still learning about each other.
Speaker 2:But hey, man, I appreciate you coming on. Like I said, I won't lie I was a little worried that I was. It was going to be a little bit of a struggle, but hey, man, this is probably one of my engaging conversations that I had and I appreciate you coming by.
Speaker 2:You have my number now I'll say less I think you know us talking to each other kind of open up things. If you got any issues or you got any problems or you need any help, hit me up. I'm always accessible. You know my wife is Right. Hey, if we, maybe we could set up another play date.
Speaker 3:You know, come over here, We'll go over there, man, I need it yeah.
Speaker 2:We'll make it happen, all right.
Speaker 3:And same to you, man. You can always reach out. I'm all about betterment. I like the people that I'm around to build up, uh, so utilize it, bro.
Speaker 2:Utilize me all right, I appreciate you appreciate you.