The Behaviour Smart Podcast

How a Painful Childhood Experience Shaped My Educational Mission

• Behaviour Smart • Episode 5

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A painful childhood memory of public humiliation over a misspelled Christmas card becomes the unexpected catalyst for a lifelong mission to transform education. Dean Cotton, CEO of Behaviour Smart, takes us on his remarkable journey from a struggling student labeled "stupid" to becoming a pioneering behavior specialist whose methods have achieved a 95% reduction in school behavior incidents.

Dean's story unfolds with disarming honesty as he shares how being misunderstood throughout his school years gave him unique insight into the challenges faced by children whose behavior is often misinterpreted. From his first entrepreneurial venture as a window cleaner ("We rub a little harder!") to his stint as a lorry driver, Dean's path took an unexpected turn when a routine package delivery to a school changed everything. One supportive headteacher, Malcolm Stein, recognised something special in Dean and created an opportunity that would reveal his natural gift for working with children.

This deeply personal narrative illuminates how our greatest wounds can become our greatest strengths. After specialized training, years of classroom experience, and pursuing a master's degree focused on behavior management, Dean developed a comprehensive understanding of the root causes of challenging behaviors. By combining research with practical application, he created Behaviour Smart – not just an incident recording system, but a transformative approach that helps educators truly understand and address the underlying factors driving student behavior. Whether you're an educator, carer, parent, or someone who connects with the experience of being misunderstood, Dean's story reminds us that sometimes our most painful experiences become the foundation for our most meaningful work. Don't miss the next episode, where Dean will delve deeper into how Behaviour Smart was developed and continues to evolve.

https://www.behavioursmart.co.uk

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Behaviour Smart podcast brought to you by Behaviour Smart, the incident recording system that improves behaviour. Thank you for listening and we hope you to the Behaviour Smart podcast.

Speaker 2:

My name is Dean Cotton. I'm the CEO of Behaviour Smart and this podcast is going to be a little bit different. It's going to be a little bit different because we've got lots of great guests lined up, including an actual Olympian. We've got a CEO of a group of primary schools, a whole range of different people. But as I've been talking to people about the Behaviour Smart Podcast, a lot of people have said to me well, why don't you tell your story? So that's what I'm going to do today, so it's just me and you, and I hope you enjoy this. I'm going to go back to 1977, when I was six years old and I had lots of difficulties at school and my earliest childhood experience.

Speaker 2:

When I was six years old, I was given a task to do. It was mid-December and I was asked to write a Christmas card, make a Christmas card using a variety of media. So I went to get some materials, some card, and I made a little Christmas card. I drew a Christmas tree on the front and I come to write Happy Christmas across the top and I knew I had to spell happy because there was a program on TV at the time called Only when I Laugh and the theme tune to that was H-A-B-B-Y. I'm H-A-B-B-Y and I remember asking my dad what does that say and what does it spell? And he said it spells happy. So even now, at the age of 54, when I come to write the word happy, I still sing in my head h-a-b-b-y. And then I've got it right.

Speaker 2:

So I wrote happy on my Christmas card and I can spell Christmas. And I didn't have a clue how to spell Christmas. So I went to ask the teacher and to my surprise, the teacher said for God's sake, cotton, use your initiative. And I thought well, I have, I've asked you. So I went back and I sat down and I thought right, how can I spell happy? So I thought, well, I could get a dictionary.

Speaker 2:

So I went to get a dictionary. I got halfway across the classroom and the teacher said Cotton, sit down. I said but, miss, I just. She said no, sit down, get on with your work. And I said but, miss, I just want. She said no, sit down and get on with your work. So I went to sit down, having wasn't allowed to get a dictionary. So I thought, well, okay, I'll try and sound it out. So I got a scrap piece of paper and I started to write the word Christmas and it just didn't look right. So I tried again and it just didn't look right. I tried mixing the words up, putting them in different orders, and it still didn't look right. So I thought, well, I can't ask her, I can't sound it out. The next thing I'm going to do is I have to ask another student.

Speaker 2:

Now, when you're that age and you want to ask somebody how to spell something, you don't just ask anybody, you ask the best speller. So that was Ian Kirby. I thought I'll ask Ian Kirby, he'll know how to spell it. So I went Ian and he didn't hear me. And I went Ian and he still didn't hear me. So then I just shouted his name and the teacher shouted Cotton, stop disturbing other pupils and get on with your work. I said but, miss, I'm just trying. She said no, I've had just about enough of you. Either get on with your work or go back up to your room.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, I had a room outside the head teacher's office, um, so I sat there and thought about what the teacher had said don't disturb other pupils. Now, in my head, don't disturb other pupils. That meant don't disturb other pupils, not Ian. So I thought well, how can I get Ian's attention without disturbing other pupils not Ian. So I thought, well, how can I get Ian's attention without disturbing other pupils? So I've got a variety of things on my desk, including a rubber. I'm not going to need that. So I picked up my rubber, I threw it at Ian. It was a perfect shot at him, just on the side of the neck, and Ian went, miss Cotton's, just thrown a rubber at me. She said right, this is your last chance, scotland. Either get on with your work or go back up to your room.

Speaker 2:

So I sat there and I didn't know what to do. All I needed to do was write Christmas on my Christmas card. I was quite good at art. It would have been the best in the class, of course, if I could only spell Christmas. And then I had an idea I don't need to write happy Christmas, I could write happy X-mas. So that's what I did, or at least that's what I thought I did. You see, my Christmas card was finished and I took it to the teacher and I gave her the Christmas card and she held it up by the corner and, with a look of disgust on her face, she slammed it down on a desk and said everybody, stop what you're doing, look this way and listen. So everybody stopped what they were doing. Everybody looked at me.

Speaker 2:

Now this was an open plan school. There were three classes in the base, but there were nine. There were 30 children in each class, so effectively there's 90 children in a room and three teachers all stopped what they were doing and looked at me. And at that point the teacher held my of an X and everybody started to laugh. The teacher then held the card up to my face and she ripped it up into pieces, saying you stupid, stupid boy. And I didn't know what to do and I could feel myself starting to cry. And she said and now everybody is going to cry. Now, at that point all I could think of was to get out of the room. So I ran out of the room. But as I was running out of the room, another child took his leg out and I tripped over and fell on the floor and everybody just started to laugh even more. By this point, people had screwed paper up and they were throwing it at me as I was leaving the classroom.

Speaker 2:

That situation had a huge impact on me and at that point I thought that it was a negative impact. I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart, I would not be sat here now talking to you doing a job that I absolutely love, if it wasn't for that teacher. You see, I wanted to make um. I I didn't want other people to experience stuff like that and eventually, when I'd come to terms with it, I honestly believe that that's why I started working education. I was misunderstood at school. I used to get told off for laughing at the things that the teachers said. So, for example, when a teacher said, put your hand up if you're a pipe lunch, I laughed because I'm not a pipe lunch, I'm a boy. When she said, look at the board whilst I go through it, I thought this is going to be good, how's she going to do that? So when I left school, I didn't want to go back into another school again.

Speaker 2:

To my first business, dean's Window Cleaning Services, dwcs. We rub a little harder, that was my catchphrase. But a little harder, that was my catchphrase, and I enjoyed doing that, especially in the summer when it was nice and warm and I got my shorts on. I was cleaning the windows, talking to people in the community, absolutely loved it, but this is England and it's not summer for very long and a lot of the time it was wet and it was miserable.

Speaker 2:

So I wanted to do something else and I wanted to be a lorry driver, because that's what my dad did. So I got a job as a lorry driver and one day I had to deliver a parcel to a school, a school called Rainhead School in Baton in Sheffield, and the head teacher of that school was a guy called Malcolm Stein. Honestly, I owe so much to Malcolm Stein. He was the most influential teacher I had ever met. He was the only teacher I ever met really that had time for me, and I was 22 at the time and I walked into this school with a parcel and I said, hey, I'll make you sign for that. And they said teachers signed for it. And I looked around and I thought I don't know what really made me say it. But I looked at the head teacher and I said this school's amazing. How do you get a job in a school like this? And he said well, thank you very much. He said we've only been open a few days and he said it's great to start from scratch because I've managed to handpick all our staff and, with it being a new school, lots of people wanted to work here. He said but if you wanted to work here, maybe you could come and do some voluntary work. He said but if you wanted to work here, maybe you could come and do some voluntary work.

Speaker 2:

Now that was a Thursday and I finished my job that day and I was buzzing about being told that I could go and do some voluntary work in this school. So the next day I put my best clothes on and I phoned in sick at work. I went to the school. I turned up in the morning and when I walked into the school I turned up in the morning and when I walked into the school the head teacher was there and he looked at me and he obviously didn't recognize me. He said can I help you? And I said, yeah. He said I could come and do some voluntary work. I said to me where do you want to work? And I thought, well, I wouldn't mind working in nursery. So he took me down to nursery and introduced me to the staff. In those days there were no such thing as DBS checks or CRBs or anything like that. So I went down to nursery and I worked in the nursery for the day and it was absolutely fantastic. I loved every minute of it.

Speaker 2:

But at lunchtime something happened. A member of staff came to me and said you've got to go and have a break. And I was like I don't really want a break, I'm absolutely fine. And he said no, you need to go and have a break. So I went into the staff room and I sat in the staff room surrounded by teachers eating salads out of Tupperware boxes, and I just sat there, didn't bring any food and got myself a cup of tea.

Speaker 2:

And the head teacher came into the staff room, malcolm, and he said Dean, can I have a word with you? And took me into his office and I thought I'm in trouble here. Um, so he said how do you think it's going today? And I said well, yeah, I'm quite enjoying it. And he said well, I've had staff sneaking out of nursery to tell me that I should give you a job, and I would love to give you a job, but I don't actually have a job for you. What sort of qualifications have you got? And I said you know, I haven't got anything. I hated school and I left school with very little. I said I think I've got a CSE in art, but I'm not sure, um. And he said, well, maybe if you went to college you could get a qualification and get a job that you, you like, you've been doing today. And I thought, well, that sounds like a great idea. So, um, he said, well, I can phone sheffield college now for you if you want, which he did. He found sheffield college and they said to me can you come up for an interview this afternoon? So just for the to reiterate the time scale here, I delivered a parcel on thursday.

Speaker 2:

On friday I worked in the nursery and in fr afternoon I had an interview at Sheffield College to do the NNEB course, which was the National Nursery Nurse Examination Board. That was on Friday afternoon. On Friday evening I packed my job in and on Monday morning I started my two-year NNEB training, which was absolutely amazing. When I finished that, I got a job working in a nursery. I worked as a nursery nurse for seven years and then I fancied a change. Wanted to do something different, so I retrained and got a job. Wanted to do something different, so I retrained and got a job working in a school for children with social, emotional and mental health, or EBD it was called at the time emotional behavioral difficulties in 1999.

Speaker 2:

In 1999, I started working this school and it was, let's say, it was very, very interesting and we needed some training and I was sent on a course to become a Team Teach tutor. I met a guy called George Matthews who was the director of Team Teach. I went back to our schools, trained our staff in TeamTeach and our school witnessed a huge reduction in behaviour incidents over 95% reduction in two years. Now, unfortunately, in 2005, our school closed and George Matthews asked me if I wanted to work for Team teach and deliver team teach for a living. So that's what I did, but I'll be honest, I felt a little bit like a fraud because I didn't really have any formal training in behavior support. So at that point I decided to go back to university.

Speaker 2:

I did a master's degree in teaching and learning and I focused on behavior, and three years researching behavior actually helped me create a whole new understanding of behavior, why people behave the way they do and where that behavior comes from, and understanding that gave us a new way to look at behavior and to support people. I did lots of consultancy work, helping schools and children's homes, and that led me to conceive Behaviour Smart. Now I'm going to leave that there, because I don't think anybody wants to listen to me for an hour, and what I'm going to do with this particular podcast is I'm going to do episode two and I'm going to give you a little bit more detail on how we developed Behaviour Smart and a little bit more detail about me. So I hope you found that interesting and if you haven't, I'm really sorry and I'll catch you in the next one.

Speaker 1:

This was the Behaviour Smart podcast, brought to you by Behaviour Smart, the incident recording system that improves behaviour. Join us next time, and thanks for listening.