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When Service Becomes Identity: Healing The Invisible Amputations | Rachel Howard

Ashley Love Episode 65

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What are we still missing when service members come home “intact” on paper but feel amputated in spirit? We sit down with Rachel Howard, a 14‑year Army National Guard combat medic, purple heart recipient, VA program developer, and now U.S. Senate candidate, to trace a path from convoy medicine and CBRN readiness to building one of the first VA post‑deployment respiratory clinics, where patients had real symptoms and “normal” tests. The common theme is service: how identity forms under pressure, why it fractures after discharge, and what it takes to stitch purpose back together.

Rachel breaks down what combat medics actually do, the messy overlap between emergency response and daily primary care needs, and the hidden exposures veterans face: from burn pits to sandstorms and solvents. Our “Quality Questions” segment arms pre‑health listeners with an interview‑ready mindset: listen first, map patterns, and navigate uncertainty without dismissing patients.

Then comes the major pivot: why Rachel left a job she loved to run for office, and why healthcare leaders must shape policy before policy breaks care. Boots‑on‑ground voices understand trade‑offs, workflow, and consequences in a way white papers rarely capture. If you care about veterans’ health, diagnostic blind spots, and smarter healthcare policy, this conversation offers practical insight and a challenge to lead where you stand.

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Meet Combat Medic Rachel Howard

Ashley Love

What are we still missing if our service men and women are coming home amputated? But not in the way you might think. Today on Shadow Me Next, I'm sitting down with a 14-year combat medic, Rachel Howard, who saw this up close, helped build post-deployment treatment centers, and then realized something even bigger was broken. And instead of complaining about it, this incredible warrior stepped up to the plate again. If you're pre-med or pre-PA, you've been taught to focus on performance. But no one is teaching you how to recognize the blind spots in the system you're entering. And if you don't learn to see them now, you may inherit them later. In this episode, we unpack what we're missing and what real service actually demands. Welcome to Shadow Me Next, a podcast where I take you into and behind the scenes of the medical world to provide you with a deeper understanding of the human side of medicine. I'm Ashley, a physician assistant, medical editor, clinical preceptor, and the creator of Shadow Me Next. I invite you to join me as we take a conversational and personal look into the lives and minds of leaders in medicine. This is Shadow Me Next with Rachel Howard. Rachel, thank you so much for joining us on Shadow Me Next today. You are a 14-year combat medic in the Army National Guard. You've been deployed to two locations that most people don't holiday at. You've seen some things while you are working as a combat medic. We're going to talk about this. And we are also going to talk about some major pivots that you have made that I think are going to be really, really interesting to a lot of people, but primarily our pre-health students, because they might ask, you know, Rachel, why didn't you keep working at EMS? Why did you make this change? So lots of incredible things to talk about today. Thank you so much for joining us.

Rachel Howard

Sure.

Ashley Love

Love it. Fantastic. So if we could go back to your years working as a combat medic, is that something that was a necessity for you to work? Or is that something that you heard about and you thought, you know what? This sounds really, really interesting. Let me see what it's all about.

Rachel Howard

It's a little bit of both. Um, I actually, my high school offered an EMT course. So I was able to take EMT in high school. And I had always already been drawn to kind of a medical field, veterinary medicine. Um, and taking that course really it clicked. I said, this is something that I really connect with. This is something that I love to do. And so that really kind of shaped what I wanted my the trajectory of my life to be. Uh so after high school, um, after I eventually got my all my licensures, um I did go to work for an ambulance company. It was the private service ambulance company. Cool. And I I loved what I did. I loved the people that I worked with. And at that time, we were looking, this was the um kind of 2003, 2004, 2005 time frame. So not that long after 9-11. And coming from a family that had a lot of people who served, the military was always in the back of my mind. That was that service mentality was always kind of ingrained in us. And I said, this is something I want to do in the military, but I also love what I'm doing in emergency medicine. So I went to recruiter and essentially said, I want to enlist, but I will only enlist if you can do so as a combat medic. Amazing. That's a deal breaker. You have to have me as a combat medic. And they made it happen. So it was I knew it's what I was gonna do. I'd already kind of been primed for that. Um, I went in very eyes wide open, having already experienced kind of an emergency medicine setting. Right. And that was sort of the beginning of a very long journey.

What Combat Medics Actually Do

Ashley Love

Oh, yeah, I would imagine one that we are gonna dive into, and it's just so interesting to me. Um, so this is great because you worked in EMS first, and then and then you worked as a combat medic. Well, first for for those of us who might not know, can you explain to us what it means to be a combat medic? I think we'd we'd love to hear that.

Rachel Howard

Combat medicine and with an understanding that it is different in every branch of service. Um, you know, what maybe a naval corpsman is doing can be very, very different than what an army medic is doing. Um, and there is a huge scope even within within army medicine. You may be stationed at a hospital doing kind of hospital work and you're working as like an ER tech, or you're maybe working on the floor. Um, but for my my position, um, I was part of a medical company. So we had an entire scope of essentially anything that you can imagine doing within a three-day course of care. So we could care for patients for about three days. And so we had x-rays, we had pharmacy, we had, we even had dental.

Ashley Love

Wow.

Rachel Howard

Um, you know, so we we had a very large resource available to us. It was like working for a very small kind of urgent care hospital setting. And what we ended up doing primarily was being able to set up an environment that could provide this kind of interim care before you either needed to move on to higher level care or could be returned back to your duty status. For myself, I primarily worked on an ambulance within that setting. I had a military ambulance that I could go out. I would just like normal operations, I could treat patients in the field, I could bring them back for further care. Um, we also focused on kind of like seaburn incidents, so chemical, biological, radiological, nuclear um kind of explosion. We were trained to be able to operate in that environment in appropriate hazmat gear, decontamination, and treatment within that context. While overseas, I served primarily um, you know, briefly in kind of clinic settings, managing small clinics. Uh, but also my primary duty was to go out on convoys, um, on whatever that mission may be. I would be kind of embedded with a team that would be going out and I provided medical services, um, both for any sort of emergency circumstance, but also for your true to medicine, your kind of boring day-to-day. Someone's dehydrated, we have too many energy drinks, but not enough water, um, being able to work with some of the local population in Iraq and or Afghanistan that we would come across that maybe had medical needs or questions. You know, I could I had a lot of flexibility and a lot of range in my scope of practice to be able to kind of test those boundaries and really explore other opportunities in your normal uh medical environment.

Ashley Love

And you did this for 14 years. 14 years. Incredible. So at that point, did you did you have a family? Were you away from your family for that stretch of time? No.

Rachel Howard

So I was with the Army National Guard. So the traditional model is the one weekend a month, two weeks in the summer. Um, never in my career did that ever actually work out that way. Uh, I was either pulled on full time for just other operations stateside. Um, I was deployed. It was it was never one weekend a month, um, which was my choice. But I fortunately or unfortunately, I did not have family aside from you know my parents and my brother. I was ideal in that sense that I didn't have a house, I didn't have kids, I had the flexibility to kind of go where I wanted and engage how I chose.

Ashley Love

It's amazing. The reason I ask is because, you know, I was hoping to discuss some of the differences between working as a combat medic and working in EMS state side. And that's a big one. You know, I think when we make these decisions and we think about what we want our career to look like, we have to stop and think about what we want our life to look like. And of course, I know the listeners might, but I know right now that you have four children. So you have quite a large family now. So, you know, it it definitely informs some of these decisions of ours to make these major life changes, I think. Tell us a little bit about what that what that looked like, perhaps um, th those thought processes for you.

The Invisible Amputation Of Leaving Service

Rachel Howard

I I was fortunate, and like I said, that I didn't have those ties um for the most the majority of my military career. Uh but I I will say that uh really once I met my husband, I was at the tail end of my career. I didn't know it was the tail end of my career. Um, but in hindsight, it was. I at that point, I had been injured overseas in Afghanistan. So I had a number of medical issues that I had been kind of dealing with because of that. Um, I had for years kind of managed to make it work. I was injured in 2012. Um, and I had gone through what's called a med board where they, you know, really are you fit to continue doing this job? Which I made it through one, but you're still dealing with these physical injuries day after day. And I was having a harder time keeping up. It was it was a real struggle. I was really having to push myself. And I had met my husband, you know, we were engaged, we decided we want to get married. He had two kids from a previous marriage. Um, we had left it open to us potentially having having children, and it came up another time for a med board. And the the question became do I continue to fight this? Do I really, is that where my life is meant to go at this point? Um and I ultimately made an incredibly difficult decision because I thought this was my life's path. Um, I made the decision that it was not in the best interest of the military and it was not in the best interest of my future family for me to continue on this trajectory. So I did have to make that choice, and that was not easy. That's I still struggle with it on the regular. Which really, I mean, it speaks so much to your dedication to service, right? And and I want to really highlight something that you just said, and um it was the first thing you said, which is when you made this decision to make this life-altering change, the first thought was uh, is this best for the military? Is is me, is me being here what is best for the system in which I'm working. And I think that it just highlights the selflessness of your thought processes. And I think in medicine, we also we also have to make this decision one day too, you know. Sometimes it's earlier in our career, sometimes it's much later in our career. Um, but it it becomes our life's work. And I think when we start to have to shift, it's an identity shift, is what it is. And I think when we have to make that identity shift, it can be um, it can be very challenging. And I'm just gonna put in a little plug for women because I do think as women, we make a lot of identity shifts, especially if we have children. You know, we go from not having children to, and whether they're our own biological children or children of our spouse, for example, to to literally assuming a new role of a mother, you know, and I think, and and then of course, careers and and caregivers, you know, with aging parents. This also falls to men as well, but I do think that women especially do these make these shifts quite well. Um, so bravo to you for for first of all being brave enough to make that decision, but number two, really thinking about how you play a role in the bigger picture and if your role in the bigger picture is absolutely necessary at that point. Um, there was something you mentioned that I wanted to go back to. I'm sorry to hear that you sustained an injury in service and and you made a point to say a physical injury. Um, tell us about other injuries that our military personnel might be experiencing overseas or anywhere. It's, I mean, well, it runs the gamut. Um, you you have a lot of physical injuries. You have a lot of the very common mental health issues, whether that's post-magic stress, post-matic stress disorder, um, you're less diagnosed, uh, or not even diagnosable, but I think really common is a lack of difficulty integrating back into society, especially if you leave service. Um, if you retain your at least a position within service, you still have that outlet, you still have that connection. But when you leave, it very much feels uh isolated. You feel kind of like this lone individual floating in this sea of of noise. And I think it's something that that really isn't recognized very much, even if you're not dealing with PTSD or anything kind of very extreme and acknowledged like that, there is just this sense that you don't fit in. And there's what what I like to kind of refer to as a feeling of amputation, where this part of your identity, um, this this feeling of service, this brotherhood, this mission that you always put first is suddenly not there. You're no longer a part of it. And it leaves you feeling just broken. A part of you feels broken and amputated. And it can be very difficult for people to find paths that allow them that same connection, that same sense of service and mission. And it's it's something that has to be very actively worked towards, but you have to acknowledge it before you can work towards it. So it's it's a very difficult dynamic, I think, for a lot of people.

Ashley Love

Absolutely. And even before acknowledging it, you know, these people who are feeling this way, who have been told their whole lives to be strong and fierce and powerful, have to express that too, you know, and we have to even know it's an issue first. And this is not one of the first problems that you have identified and really been working towards. Tell us a little bit about the work that you did at the VA. You have built one of the country's first post-deployment respiratory health clinics. So, again, an issue that we might not know is a problem and you recognized it and you're working to fix it. Tell us about this.

Rachel Howard

I I had such an honor of being part of a team that was working towards addressing post-deployment respiratory issues. It is an issue that I don't think we necessarily think of very often. You know, we talk about burn pits and such, and that that is a big component, but simply thinking about things like sandstorms, things about the chemicals that you're exposed to on a regular basis. Um, you know, we looked at 9-11, and there was a lot of talk about a lot of the carcinogens that our first responders were exposed to, or the people who were in the event were exposed to, and those outcomes. And it it kind of falls on deaf ears after a few years. You know, after the event is over, it fades into the background. It's not sexy anymore. And it's something that unfortunately can lead to a life of issues. But what we are finding is that a lot of things like that, the testing, your typical medical testing, would come back normal.

Quality Questions: Believe Patients First

Ashley Love

This is a great time to pause for quality questions. Quality questions is a segment on the show where pre-health students get to hear some real life interview questions that they might encounter on their own pre-health interview. If you're interviewing for a position in medicine, here is a question that you might hear. A patient tells you something is wrong, but their labs and imaging are normal. How would you respond? And what would guide your next steps? Now, this is not a medical knowledge question. It's a humility question. It's testing whether you believe numbers more than people. On Shadow Me Next, Rachel Howard discussed how many patients were dismissed because testing did not yet have the tools to see what was happening internally. So when you answer this question on an interview, do not rush to diagnostics. Talk about listening. Talk about patterns. Talk about uncertainty in medicine. Talk about what you do when medicine does not have a clear answer. Because the strongest clinicians are not the ones who know everything. They are the ones who know how to respond when they do not. And it doesn't just stop at quality questions. There are more resources for you as a pre-health student on ShadowMeNext.com to include our newly released application readiness course. So head on over to courses.shadowmext.com and check it out.

Limits Of Testing And Clinician Humility

Rachel Howard

Despite the fact that you have very clear symptoms, um, and very commonly in people who were incredibly help healthy beforehand. So it we kind of came to this realization that there is something going on that we as the medical community cannot see. Our testing is not in a place that can identify this. But we have been telling people for years either it's in your head or it's psychological, it's psychological, it's really your anxiety. But we were really alienating these individuals by having a hard time really believing them simply because our testing measures were not sufficient to identify. And I think it brings up a point that as providers, whether you're uh a doctor, whether you're a nurse, whether you're an EMT, it's irrelevant. We have to acknowledge that we don't know everything and that there's a lot out there that we just don't have the ability to see, to diagnose, um, and really take what we're seeing with a grain of salt. You know, it's we don't know everything. There was a study done years ago that actually showed up, I believe it was about 70 to 80 percent of people that presented um at mental health clinics were found to have physical issues after the fact. But they were dismissed and it was pushed into mental health realm. Um so we we need to be aware of our limitations as clinicians.

Inside The VA: Myth And Reality

Ashley Love

Absolutely. And uh just to highlight exactly what you said there, we have a hard time believing them when our testing measures were saying everything is normal. And it it's it just feels so backwards. I spoke to somebody recently that was um on the show, and his wife, I can't remember if he was a physician or a PA or MP, I don't remember, but his wife is a lawyer and she says, you know, everybody's innocent until proven guilty, right? And she says medicine just has it so backwards. Yes, and and I do, I feel that way sometimes, you know, it not to think that we're walking around expecting something to be wrong with everybody and we're just gonna look for what's wrong, but but if a person is telling us there is something wrong, it's worth listening, it's worth investigating, it's worth saying, you know, things look normal, but you still don't feel normal. And I do think, you know, this is like a hidden pitch for functional medicine right now, really is what we're talking about. And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not going to say that everybody needs a functional medicine clinician, but functional medicine really is helping to fill some of these gaps. Um, have you did you work with the VA then for a while?

Rachel Howard

I worked at the VA for about three and a half years before I had to leave. Um, so fortunately our program dealt with a huge range. You know, we we were integrated with cardiology, with uh pulmonary function labs, with obviously respiratory therapy and pulmonary. Um we we were doing CPETs and radiological imaging. Um so it was ENT. You know, we were connected with a lot of ENT and speech therapy. So we had the the really fortunate ability to um have connected clinical and research across a huge scope of disciplines to really start looking into these issues and trying to find, you know, what are we missing and where do we need to start looking more further?

Ashley Love

Which is just it highlights so nicely your work now in politics. And we are going to get to that, but it's just identifying issues, even if maybe everybody doesn't know their issues, calling them out and working really, really hard to see what we can do about it. Um, before we jump to that though, I do want to talk about the VA a little bit because me, I'm a PA, which is a physician assistant, and the VA is the largest employer of physician assistants in the United States, right? And and I I did so many of my rotations at the at the at the VA, the Veterans Hospital. And I just I loved it so much. And um I loved working with our veterans, they're amazing people. Um tell me a little bit about some of the stereotypes, or perhaps let's call them misconceptions that people have about the VA because I don't work in the VA now, but I hear all these things and I think that is not my experience as a clinician, and that is not what I was hearing our patients telling us. And I worked in multiple areas of the VA. So, for example, I did psych at the VA, incredible. I did um uh vascular surgery, my vascular surgery rotation at the VA, incredible. Again, so multiple different various things. Let's talk misconceptions just because everybody hears about the VA, but um, it's not always the best.

Rachel Howard

I think that what we have to remember. Is very few people and very few stories that are positive are ever discussed, and they certainly don't go viral. So what people are real quick to read a review on a product that they're unhappy about, but they're a lot less likely to take the time to advertise positive experience. So keeping that in mind about pretty much anything, that it's always the people who had a bad experience for some reason. And I do think we need to be honest though and acknowledge that the VAA is an incredibly large organization. So when you have a problem, and you're going to have more of them, just statistically, you have a larger organization treating a larger number of people, you're going to have more issues, even if when you look at it proportionally, it's proportionally low. You're right. So doing a little math there and acknowledging some of some of those kind of flaws in design on how we look at things. But the VA, like any organization, is gonna have some inherent flaws and faults, and things happen. Unfortunately, things are always going to happen. We are human, no system is flawless, no system is perfect. And what I applaud the VA for is when issues were found within it. They took the time to address it. To be able to say, we screwed up, mistakes were made. It should never have gotten to this point. What do we need to do to address this and move forward? So I will I give them incredible props for that. But at the same time, it is really difficult to reverse perception. How long does it take for you really to convince people like no that problem existed? We have done everything we can to address it. Those problems no longer exist. Are there some? Yes, of course there are. Of course there's issues. But comparatively, when you when you look at, say, the the private model of healthcare, really, like what are the standards we're comparing? Are you comparing wait times? Well, it took me a year to get into a doctor on the private care side. So is my three-month wait to get in at the VA really an issue? Or is it comparatively a great model? So I mean, there's a number of factors we have to look at. Um, I personally, both as a patient and as an employee, had a phenomenal experience. You know, overall, all things considered, it was excellent. And that's where I get my care now.

Why Healthcare Leaders Must Lead Policy

Ashley Love

Amazing. Thank you so much for illuminating us on that. Thank you for talking about accountability, for talking about perception. All of these things are so important. And then, of course, perspective. You know, it's it is, it's all about perspective, it's all about how we're looking at things and where we're coming from, um, our background with looking at things, which is a great segue into this major pivot that you have made recently from working in medicine, from working in public health. Um, I think you also have your master's in mental health. Do you have a master's in mental health? I have a master's in social work. Social work. Oh my God. Okay, so masters in social work as well. Um you have entered a new arena. Tell us about that and tell us how your background has really, really prepared you to serve people differently.

Rachel Howard

Yeah, it is a pivot, I think, is a very mild way of putting it. Um I I've been working for years now in research, and I mean, for decades, uh, just as a regular citizen, as a voter, I was getting more and more frustrated with just the climate that we were in, um, at the direction the country was going, um, compared to what I thought we should be doing and in the environment that I expected this nation to really be fostering. And it kind of reached a climax. In all fairness, um, I blame my husband. He called me out. He I was complaining, admittedly, a lot. And I think he had just kind of had enough, and it was a put-up or shut up. You know, um, what are you gonna do about it? If if you are so unhappy, do something about it. And I think his words were, are you gonna bitch about it or are you gonna fix it? Yes, I've never been more angry. And I was angry because he was right. It's like I'm doing nothing but complaining, but really, what am I doing to address these problems? And so I made that choice. I made the decision I had to leave my career at the VA because it was a conflict of interest. So I had to make the decision to leave the VA and to run for United States Senate for Michigan. And it was an incredibly difficult choice to make because I love what I was doing. And to leave a place that you are happy at, to do something that you never really wanted to do, anyways, is a really hard choice. That was a really hard choice. It it really became what is more important to me, my immediate happiness and contentment with where I am at, or my belief that things can be better and that I have the ability to make it better. And so that that was a very hard choice. But I truly believe my experiences are exactly what is needed at this moment. Um, I'm not necessarily one that believes in like fate or necessarily divine providence, if you will, but I actually left um clinical medicine myself on essentially a midlife crisis. So when I completed my undergrad, I was supposed to be applying for PA. That was my goal. That's what I was going to do. And when the time came to submit applications, I wasn't completing applications. I was dragging my feet, I was finding excuses. And it's like, what is happening to me? This has been 20 years in the making. And now what? Uh you know, without applying for this, who am I even? And I was panicking and I knew that if I didn't continue school, I was I was gonna go out, I was gonna find a job, and I was never gonna come back. So I panic applied for social work. I I had I just panicked and I said, social work can be used everywhere. It'll keep me going until I can focus. And so that's what I did. And I found that this the systems change and this leadership and really this macro perspective really resonated with me, um, which led into the public health. Say, how can I do this? How can I turn this into something that could be big? And that it was that same moment when I chose to run. It was this I can do more. You know, where I am going is is not necessarily the most that I can do and the most that I can be. Um it's it's been a trip. So that's the only way I can describe it. It's been a trip.

Ashley Love

I am so glad that you mentioned your desire and your apparent calling to be a PA and how that shifted. Because it is, it was a question that I had, which was so many of our military medics and corpsmen, they they go to become P. This is also how the profession was invented. Exactly. And so I'm sitting here thinking where where was the shift made? And that is it's so important for our pre-health listeners to hear this because I think um, and they come to me talking about a six-year journey or a four-year journey through college, and they're concerned about their um pivot, which is an appropriate term for their shift. You're coming with a 20-year journey and a 20-year history, and you make this like absolute change in things, and um, it's something that's incredibly important. We've talked about this on the show before. I am entirely averse to politics. I it just stresses me out and speaking with our incredible healthcare workers, bless your heart, speaking with our incredible healthcare workers who are starting to um enter politics. We're seeing a big shift in this right now. And and I'm just I'm so excited about it now, and I'm so grateful for um, well, for you guys for really being incredibly brave and stepping into this new arena. Tell us why do we need healthcare leaders in politics?

Rachel Howard

To me, this is one of those how did we lose sight of common sense? We as a nation, many organizations, corporations, um, government agencies, regardless of the entity you're looking at, there is a tendency for people at the top to think that they know what the bottom needs to be doing. And to me, it's a very micromanagement style. But the the goal at the top is to set the mission and the goals. Yes, by all means, come up with ideas, troubleshoot problem solve, but you need to go to Boots on Ground to say, what are you experiencing? Where are the actual problems? Because this is what we're seeing up here, but what are you experiencing on ground? And what do you need from us as leadership to ensure that you have what you need to do the job? And we we seem to have lost that. You know, we're not hearing those people on ground who are experiencing this every day, and as a result, we're just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. It's not effective, it is incredibly costly, it's taking a lot of time, and people are suffering because of that. So, getting healthcare leaders who have experience, who truly understand the system, who've been there, and putting them in roles like this, that they can say, you're going about it the wrong way. There are so many factors that you are not considering that are going to impact our providers, which by default impacts our patients. And that that is something that is just so incredibly necessary. You know, if I have an electrical problem, I'm not gonna go talk to a mechanic, an auto mechanic. I'm gonna call an electrician because that's the person that knows electricity. It's I don't even know how to say like it's common sense without saying it's common sense.

Ashley Love

I love that. And you're absolutely right. And I think as as clinicians, especially, we get so frustrated with the big system changes in medicine that do percolate down and directly affect our patients. And yet it's a big shift if we wanted to step into that arena. And the fact that we have people like you who are willing to do this and make this change is just incredible. Guys, if you are interested in supporting her run for office, please visit her at rachelforussenate.org. That's R-A-C-H-E-L for US Senate.org. Um, to hear more about her and her platform and really the incredible, incredible things that she's doing. Rachel for US Senate is Instagram and TikTok, and then YouTube at Rachel for U.S. Senate Official. Rachel, you're amazing. You are incredible. Thank you so much for doing what you do. Thank you for describing your journey, even the really hard parts. Um, it is it is incredible. And um, I'm so glad to have people like you still fighting for us.

Rachel Howard

Thank you. Thank you so much. I appreciate being here. Truly. Um, it's been a pleasure. It has been a pleasure.

Ashley Love

Thank you so very much for listening to this episode of Shadow Me Next. If you liked this episode or if you think it could be useful for a friend, please subscribe and invite them to join us next Monday. As always, if you have any questions, let me know on Facebook or Instagram. Access you want, stories you need, you're always invited to Shadow Me Next. Please keep in mind that the content of this podcast is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as professional medical advice. The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the host and guests, and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer, or company.