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The Public Nuisance Podcast
Host Sean McComb interviews various guests
The Public Nuisance Podcast
The Public Nuisance Podcast #014 “Serial Sniffers” with Diona Doherty
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Welcome to a new episode of The Public Nuisance Podcast with me, Sean McComb.
This week we welcome Comedian, Diona Doherty to the podcast
We cover Comedians Boxing, podcasting, being a parent, hobbies, selling old socks, grenade bars, holidays and much more.
New episodes every Tuesday.
Sean McComb
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seanmccomb/
Killen Studios
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/killenstudio/
Website: https://killenstudios.com/
That Prize Guy
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatprizeguy/
Website: https://thatprizeguy.co.uk/
JFH Social
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jfh_social/
Website: https://www.jfhsocial.com/
Casual Conversation on Social Media Influencers
Speaker 1The Public Nuisance, sean McCullough, welcome to this episode of the Public Nuisance Podcast brought to you from Killin' Studios right here, right now. Believe it or not.
Speaker 2That's like that song right here right now.
Speaker 1That's the first thing popped into my head. Great man.
Speaker 2We're the same age, I think. That's why no? What age are you? 32? Yeah, there, boy, it's a couple of years here and there. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1I'm older. No, I'm older, I'm only joking. I'm complimenting you, yeah. Yeah, we have a fantastic. Do you want to talk to me on Wednesday? How are?
Speaker 2you. How are you hello good to be here thanks for coming in it's good to see you when you're not making me punch something and punch something or someone.
Speaker 2I still have a sore arm from the boxing from the very first day. It wasn't you, it was the very first day I did a bit of boxing with Sean just in the house. He was annoying me. I punched him and hurt my arm that very first day and it was sore the whole way through. And it's been sore since because all these guys are talking about doing it again and I'm like no.
Speaker 1I'm out. I was the last time. I think the last time I was speaking about it it might have been with Shane, I can't remember with Shane or Andre I was speaking to about it, but it's going to be very hard to match. You'll have to. You'll need to fit a fella, honestly like.
Speaker 2Well, they were saying Heather, Heather was brilliant.
Speaker 1Heather was good as well.
Speaker 2Heather was good, I think Heather would take my head off.
Speaker 1But there's definitely there was some form of boxing in you, like from before, I would say, or maybe it's just the streets of Derry, I don't know.
Speaker 2Streets Raised by the streets.
Speaker 1The streets chose me. I never chose you.
Speaker 2Just feral? Yeah, no, I no, I think no. Do you know what I did body combat in the gym, like for a couple years when I was younger, but not in a long time. I just think.
Speaker 1I just think I got the moves yeah, because I remember making a joke the first time you came in I was like oh fuck. And then we were talking about a pod. You were whacking hard and I was like fuck.
Speaker 2Sean won't be coming home to her short Sean's good too. He's very good as well, it's because we beat each other up on a weekly basis. That's how we get off. Friday night we're like let's have a drink and battery each other.
Speaker 1Let's get it on two glasses deep, yeah we've got our own ring and all fucking right, we canvass and all that's good. That could be a new one, get a GoPro set up or something, just pay-per-view genuinely looking for?
Speaker 2oh, I get lucky with the new OnlyFans, just wrestle each other in the living room people will pay for that. I am looking for a hobby. I do not find. You're probably the same, do you not find because you're like a parent and you work a lot that like those?
Speaker 1that's just it what else?
Speaker 2are you doing I?
Speaker 1don't know, this is supposed to be a hobby to me this is your hobby but then you have to think about loads of stuff and then you start to go, you start contemplating it.
Speaker 2Aye, because it becomes a business.
Speaker 1This is like what the f, and then you're thinking, who do we get on next? And then it's just, it doesn't become like a hobby anymore. No, even though I still enjoy it while I'm doing it.
Speaker 2Aye, and it's good. It's all the other day on Instagram. I asked what are people doing like? What are people my age doing, except for working and raising kids or scrolling online doom scrolling. What are yous doing? Literally the worst stuff came back like barb on pot.
Speaker 1Like shit, just like people are just like eating towels.
Speaker 2somebody was kayaking as well. I'm not going to do that Fuck me kayaking Do you know what I mean Freezing. I haven't been to the middle.
Speaker 1This country isn't even fucking made for kayaking. Imagine kayaking in this weather. I know Fucking freezing.
Speaker 2But where would you be going kayaking Lockney? Lockney trust that and then other people were just like reading and all I thought who's reading these days? Who even enjoys reading? Who knows how to read anymore?
Speaker 1just get an audible and listen to it in the car. I know that could be how you get this. Tell Sean, sean I'm going to go and read a book here and then grab your car keys and you'll be like wait a minute, is your book in the car? Yeah, yeah, yeah but we spend any kill to yours.
Speaker 2We're kids see if you ever came up with that, like let's just read a book and record it and you can just listen to it. Like what a business idea. Powerful the things people make money out of these days. I just came from getting my nails done thanks for noticing, sean, whatever and I. The girl was telling me that she knows somebody who wears old socks and and sells them online.
Speaker 2No, wears brand new socks, but now they're older and then sells them like these are my worn socks and like men will buy them. You use dirty bastards. Show them, women might buy them. You never know. I highly you show me the woman who's buying dirty socks.
Speaker 1Women are buying them and wearing them.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Like Vinted. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, you use dirty bastards.
Speaker 2It's the same thing. I bet you there's a pair of them on Vinted.
Speaker 1I'm telling you.
Speaker 2Wanted to snuff with somebody's old jeans Latin on there.
Speaker 1They're band jeans they wear of themselves. They're just sniffing, sniff, sitting Cereal sniffers.
Speaker 2You should dress up, as for Halloween, as a cereal sniffer. But that's the thing. Like people, men are doing that Men want to like, they'll buy it. And like women, make enough fortune or something Like I would like to make. Do you know what is the dream? Everyone wants to make a load of money. We're doing very little Like you want to be like. How can I make money when I sleep Like?
Speaker 1I will go down the sock selling route if somebody guarantees me that's going to be a great stream of income for me. But you need to have like watching your profile.
Speaker 2who's into that type of shit? So you know how to advertise for it.
Speaker 1You can't be anonymous, you can't like. Imagine like your kid's going to school and someone's going. I bought your mask, socks. I know, I know, I know they're like here, your mask and their socks.
Speaker 2That's the New Year's Day sales everyone.
Speaker 1Your mask and their socks. Your fucking people get shunned over them. Yeah, hosing on them and pretend they're yours yeah, and they sand them off still toe hairs on them and all there's some fucking furry old man in his man's background sniffing them.
Speaker 2They're shunned that's the thing. How could you even market yourself as a? How do you find those people who you're like?
Speaker 1it must come from like requests on OnlyFans or something.
Speaker 2I get somebody message me twice a week looking for underwear see twice a week. That guy messages me and Sean was older than me the other day. Would you not just block him and I'm all someday.
Speaker 1I might need him, I'm considering it.
Speaker 2Someday I might need him. This guy's wanted to part with me quite a bit.
Speaker 1Keep my absence open here.
Speaker 2You never know what the future is so this comedy business is going to die out sooner or later, and I'll have half this my knickers and they won't be there for long.
Speaker 1But I know it's definitely fucking. The world's going mad with social media, but that's what happens. Now people are actually starting to make more money off social media. I know like it's the dream job people Like I seen the other day on TikTok. The highest paid TikToker makes $255,000 a post Roughly. How Single post Is it?
Speaker 2just views Must be views Because I don't know how to make money online. Like everybody, has millions of views now Nobody has so much as sent me a refresher bar or a slice in your socks. No, if you're going to say anything, grenade. Send Refresher bar or a slice in your socks?
Speaker 1No, if you're going to say anything, grenade send me a protein bar, a protein bar, I'd just steal him, you'd steal him. I refuse to pay any apple cream. I'm not, I'm not now, I'm not, I refuse it's your photograph up behind the towel. I point blank refuse to pay three. Quid Three quid, three fifty for a fucking grenade bar I? I point blank refuse to pay three quid three, fifty for a fucking.
Speaker 2I just bought one there now. Nah, no, you need to get yourself to Home.
Speaker 1Bargains 169 get myself to have a ring.
Speaker 2They're free no, you buy them in Home Bargains, and no joke. I think they taste different from in there because I think they've got out of date ones they're like, they're dusty, yeah, you can taste the protein in it.
Speaker 1Like the powder, it's going back to powder it's not even fucking liquid anymore, it's just pure powder, pure dust just staying.
Speaker 2That is so funny, I think that.
Speaker 1I used to drive to Dublin every single morning drink like a coffee in a protein bar and it cost me like seven quid for a coffee in a protein bar. Close to seven quid just for them two that's a couple hundred a month you know what? I'm not paying these cunts for a protein bar anymore.
Speaker 2I'm gonna make my own.
Speaker 1I just used to go into, but no, no, no. Oh, so you do, steal the protein 100%, I go into. I'm probably touting myself and fucking my door. Up the hall. You fucking are with three boxes of fucking grenades under the under the fucking cupboard of my house. You know what happened? Right, he just drives to Dublin every morning. Stabbed the apple green. Is that you were joking? They don't know what apple green, but so that's a good thing. There's three on the way, four on the way. They'll need to guess which one.
Speaker 2Well, I know which ones? The ones on the.
Speaker 1We've all had it down to two, I do not know which one, there's three, there's four right there. Oh, is there from the start, from where I leave from right. Okay, there is yeah, yeah, yeah you don't know where I leave from. No, no, no.
Speaker 2Well, I think we can tell by your accent, I can leave from fucking anywhere.
Speaker 1But yeah, I had to drive down, get a protein bar and a coffee. Then the coffee I discovered covered that you can get a cheaper coffee for like one pound 20, which is better and greg's. So I just get a coffee in there.
Speaker 1Go into the apple green, that's the protein bar down the road and every day the person I was with used to go to get. So if we put in parties like 100, oh my god, that's laughing in. After a bit, I would say after about four months of this, I looked and the protein bars are now right at the toe.
Speaker 2So this oh yeah, besides your photograph or right next to it.
Speaker 1I'm just waiting on it coming up on social media, and the one I want is like does anyone know this man? It's just me down in the bit with a pot of all protein.
Speaker 2I check his protein levels pretty high do you not worry though, because people would know who you are. I don't care and that you have a profile, that people. If that comes out about you, that it's even more well. I mean it's out now, but, like I, there's loads of things I'd love to do, like I'd love like I'd love to start arguments. Do you know more?
Speaker 2you can make money off it well, no, just like, do you know when you're like, oh, they'll take to social media or whatever. Because one time me and Sean on Christmas Eve were in Tesco right a couple of years ago, sean was doing a character called Rodney online and Sean's brother was in Tesco on Christmas Eve as well and he was like flagging Sean down. He was all hello, like messing with him, rodney, rodney like joking with him, and Sean was like fuck up you. And we walked on and we were done and left and then it was all online being all Sean Hegarty snubs his fans. Some per fell wanted to talk to him and all, and he told him to fuck off and walked on and Sean was like this is my brother, but people blow.
Speaker 2We're like that's a disgrace. Somebody starts doing well and then becomes an and take it all out of context. So you do sometimes have to be like, oh, I can't be the asshole that I'm born to be.
Speaker 1I'm here in this episode to tell you about my sponsors JFH Social and that Praise Guy. Jfh Social have four barbershops across four locations in NI where you can get your hair cut. Check out their socials, get booked in and get a freshen up. And let's not forget that praise guy. We all know the work they do, the great community work they do and the great charity work they do. They're making millionaires every other month amazing praises. Check out their socials, get on the link and get involved with some action and make yourself some cabbage. I want to be an asshole, but I have to hold it back to get home, I really want to steal lots of stuff.
Speaker 2Shit the walls, fuck yeah. Do you remember Winona Ryder? Winona Ryder, the actress. Winona Ryder, did you ever see A Stranger Things? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes Do you remember she had a big mad bout bout to kleptomania breakdown aye, fucking mad, but that's what?
Speaker 1if you have an outburst, people just automatically think you're going nuts. Yeah, but you're just holding all this shit inside you've just been like.
Speaker 2I've been followed by cameras my whole life and one day I opened a suitcase and followed it with 25 cashmere jumpers in that shop. It's not my fault, I guess. What she did? Cctv footage of like a supermarket sweep a sweep. That's fucking and you're like you're not going to wear all those and you've got loads of stuff in the house, I'm sure, but that must have been a mental breakdown.
Speaker 1What I'm saying is I think you're having a mental breakdown so at least, if I go to court, that's what I'll say yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm having that breakdown.
Speaker 2Yeah, but not well.
Social Media Influencer Lifestyle Critique
Speaker 1I get punched in the house. I'm selling them. I don't even touch them, I'm selling them.
Speaker 2I used to work at Debenhams and this yeah, I'm selling them this a wee tuck shop. This woman used to come in every single week and I used to work in the perfect counter and she'd come in and buy a bottle of men's cool water every single Friday and she was don't like, but she used to come in every. She likes the old woman. Her kids had a comment. At one point I went can you not sell her that? She has a spare bedroom full of men's cool water aftershave? Fuck me, I know. Can you stop selling her?
Speaker 2that cool water like yeah, it's older than a black man, it's like man, cool water brings all the boys to the yard like she's got a room full of it all the kids come in smelling it. These all gets a bottle of kill water. I don't know why she done that, but it was just one of them mad things and every week she was like spending her pension on another.
Speaker 1Like a 60 quid bottle of whatever every week it'd be worse if it was like tens of brute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, brute after shift yeah, yeah, yeah it'd be fucking crazy fucking cheaper though you'd check on the floorboards yeah, yeah, who she killed like.
Speaker 2Cover the dead body smell.
Speaker 1Cover the senses Harry's covered in bread.
Speaker 2I know.
Speaker 1Ah, but fucking. Yeah, daphne, you're fucking, I have him. I have him an actor For the protein bars and I'll be honest, because I've done like, I've done a Like a 5k run With that guy. Get better with Chris.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1And he gave me. He's sponsored by Grenade, so he gave me Three boxes of Grenade protein bars. How?
Speaker 2do you get sponsored by Grenade?
Speaker 1I know I call them out all the time online all the time I've been tagging them. I sent an email to Fulfill before and they just knocked me back, said no, fortunately we're not at least they got back to you.
Speaker 2I know have you emailed Grenade, yet I haven't emailed them, but I tag them sometimes in my Instagram posts they eat, they get a sponsorship and they'll be all ha, ha, ha, loads, and I'll be like done, done, get in touch clock it.
Speaker 1DM me guys email them and just say like seriously, what's going on here?
Speaker 2I think they need to sponsor people like you, who are like fitness people. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1they're not just going to sponsor me and I'm just doing dick jokes just do the fucking you're wee, you the wee, the wee 10k or the 5k run thing you were doing, the wee video you done about doing a run, the park run oh yes, stuff like that, just keep doing stuff like that put the wee protein bar at the end that's it.
Speaker 2Oh, that's what I'll do start the advertising. Be like yeah, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna slip all the. I just came from the shop and I right and I had like from my drive down here. I'm obsessed with Pepsi Max as well. I drink that every day. I had a Pepsi Max, I had a white Oreo grenade bar, I had a packet of Snackajacks and I had a coffee from a barista bar.
Speaker 1You're balding, you are balding.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, no, no but I was on my way down going these are my four favourite listening to the soundtrack of Wicked and I was like I think I'm having a fucking great day. So I think this is just having nails done.
Speaker 1I'm having a great day. I'm off the flyer off the flyer.
Speaker 2I'm going after this, I'm going on holidays on Sunday, are you? Yes, because this weather isn't fun anymore. It's not a joke.
Speaker 1I actually this is the right time to go on holidays, isn't it, people? January's over now, and then you'd be more ready for a holiday. Yeah, like you need to. You need to like suffer yes, through January.
Speaker 2Do really appreciate it.
Speaker 1I need a fucking holiday and also in January.
Speaker 2You're sort of sick of eating all the crap leftovers and having drinks, leftovers, celebrations, aye was you not going to go on your holidays and enjoy the all inclusive? Because you're going to go and be like, but like I've been eating so much stuff this past month, so at least you've January to like sort of smell the white of it and then you like bring on the all inclusive let's go go mad. I've got to all the grenade bars.
Speaker 1You were here before anyway, weren't you? I seen you were. Did you stay there where in Dubai?
Speaker 2I was in Dubai in October or something. Aye tell you we can go back we can go back. You've been to Dubai. Yeah, you like it yeah. I don't.
Speaker 1I've only been for training okay it's different. When I went, I loved it because it was more just about training and eating and just the hot sun and just enjoying the like, enjoying the environment, but I don't think it would be good for like a night out or like to go on it, because it's just too expensive to drink. So expensive.
Speaker 2I'm glad I've been twice Now. Both times I went I was taken on a trip Like the first time I was filming Britain's Next Top Model, and the second one it was like a PR trip. So both of them were all expensive. So it meant I did have like a luxurious trip, but that is honestly what I didn't like about it. That is not me. Like it was too much the last time I was there just need a wee bit of self need a wee bit of fucking.
Speaker 2I need to be out in the streets with like dirty old cats down eating a wee bin hookers. I'm a bin hooker, wee bin hooker. I know I'm in Heston Blumenthal's restaurant. They're giving me caviar and I'm all. Somebody bring me down fish fingers yeah, fish finger sandwich ravioli, I'm starving after all the dinners out there and I was just like a lot of.
Speaker 2It was like so much money is thrown in everything like I know. There's two sides to Dubai, in my opinion, like this huge, amazing, glamorous, glitzy social media lifestyle. A lot of western people live in there who are living way above their means, and also the people that are really paying for that are the people who live in the poor countries that are neighbouring, who are brought in to work 16 hour shifts, fucking a hotel up overnight. You know, and that's the sad side of it. It's like there's this huge, glitzy, glamorous, like really expensive, and to me as well, it's all wild, superficial. There's no middle ground. There's no middle ground. There's no normal people living there.
Speaker 2There's no middle ground, it's just people here, just living Sheiks and the women are like the most beautiful, perfect, glamorous, dripping with money, and they're basically like ornaments beside their husbands. And to me it's funny and I just and I'm not like that, Like I don't sit around looking perfect by the pillow. You know what I?
Speaker 1mean it doesn't feel like real life. It doesn't. It's not real life, is it?
Speaker 2I was looking around in the bars and clubs I was in going. Is anyone having a good time or is everyone just filming themselves? I know, filming themselves, I know, and that bothers me.
Speaker 1Like I went down to the beach one day on the JBR and I just sat on my own. I was by myself, it was like a rest day. I was down just chilled out on the beach, had the earphones and just laying there and I must have just watched these two or three girls I think it was and they just danced in front of a camera and I mean for a good hour straight done the same type of stuff over and over and over again and I was like fuck me.
Speaker 2I mean we're sitting there going what a bunch of dicks. And then that girl's going I just got 250 grand for a post.
Speaker 1Do you know what I mean? Who's laughing now? Her I should have picked my head on. You know you owe me money, yeah yeah, yeah, I'm in it.
Speaker 2You owe me money and all that stuff and that's grand, but I think like, just if it's, if your whole experience is just to post it on it's almost like a secondary experience you're not even in the moment. Yeah, you're just filming it to put somewhere else, for someone else to experience. Looking at it and experience jealousy and I just think, oh, like everywhere I looked, was just people not really experiencing being there, but having to film it or photograph themselves or be perfect by the pool, which is impossible like have you ever walked in flip flops?
Speaker 2I know like nobody walks in a pair of flip flops by the pool and looks good, you're always trying not to slip and kill yourself your toes, your fucking clawing off of your life and you're all like humpty, you, you're just like like you had songs like. That's what the soundtrack would be behind you and you're like who are these people who look class by the pill, who are like all smooth and just like I don't know, the effort and the personality is taken away from it.
Speaker 1Yeah, the whole personality of life is taken away from it. When you're in that, like I don't, there's not much personality. In Dubai, Even the men are walking around. It's like business heads are on. They're like.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1They have to stand perfect beside a nice woman, or a nice woman has to stand and they're just the same. The women are posing.
Speaker 2And like we went to like stupidly expensive hotels to stay in too, ones I'd never be able to afford myself and I was in them and watching like the staff here working on, say, like the rooftop bar they're just like sweating rooftop bar. They're just like sweating like it's like 45 degrees and bitches like another moe and they're just like looking at 3p an hour and you're like this is awful, but saying that there, if someone wants to take me back, I'll go you're going back anyway.
Speaker 1Yeah, am I. Did you not tell me you were going to Dubai?
Speaker 2no, I'm not going to Dubai, I'm going game.
Speaker 1It's kind of really powerful. It has a wee bit of dirt and a wee bit of like a wee rocky beach.
Speaker 2I don't need your sand, I'm fucking right with those stones yeah, I'm at home chucking rocks home, away from home. Where's the pillars? Yeah, no, it's. I'm going, we're bringing our kids and then I've got three. It'll be me and Sean and the three kids then. So he's almost like at the stage. He's like almost an adult yeah so he's like another set of eyes on the two wee ones.
Speaker 1That's really that, like we always go to Tenerife, we go near enough every year and uh does your parents go? We always bring my in-laws go we always bring the in-laws, and now it's like genius a holiday.
Speaker 2Did you bring him on your honeymoon?
Speaker 1yeah, genius. No well, we we went to tenerife with with them. It was sort of like a honeymoon like a mini-man brought them in with us and then me and durba obviously got our time together. It's so funny.
Speaker 2Well, I'm going to bring my in-laws who's can watch us ride exactly our way through the honeymoon.
Speaker 1100 percent, that's the genius, we just, and then when we get home, then we went away just us two for like five nights oh yes, that's right you had a wee holiday with the family, but you still had your own free time yeah, and then you don't feel guilty about leaving the child at home because he's got a, because we were going to do a long.
Speaker 1We were going to go like a long distance one for a honeymoon. It's like a special thing in it. So like we're like I don't want to leave a chair for two weeks. No, because I'm not traveling halfway across the world for a week.
Speaker 2No, because you lose about a week, yeah you know what I mean, yeah, I was like we'll get.
Speaker 1We'll get your parents to come and then maybe they can come the second week.
Parenting Challenges and Traumas
Speaker 2We do a full week on our own and they can bring the chairs and then it's just all up, so the plan of it was harder than fucking anything me and Sean went to New York in October I think as well November, maybe October without the kids, but we were going out to gig, but we were only away five days, but that is the. I've never been away from more than two nights, maybe except for Dubai, I suppose, but like we've never left the kids more than one night, both of us, yeah, together and.
Speaker 2I was traumatised like it was. I found it really difficult to go. Once I was there different time zone couldn't give a shit.
Speaker 1I know that's what happens, isn't it like we were going? Our very first holiday without the child was like? I think he was like nine months old maybe, and we were going to Ibiza and the girl was outside my house. I was out the chair in my house and she was just crying crying her eyes out. She was like what's wrong? I just can't. She and me at the airport.
Speaker 2She drank a pint she couldn't have you're like that's the girl I want to marry there. There she is there.
Speaker 1I thought I lost you for a minute. She was back fucking and then when we got there there was no word about it. She was like, maybe in the morning. She was like we'll FaceTime your dad and we'll get to see a child. She's coming off on quick enough. I know I have to go here. Whenever we were away.
Speaker 2We couldn't FaceTime that much like our wee girl's three and a half and she was like much more like yeah, hey, what's crack? Chatting away and all and then my wee boy can't understand why you're not in real life and you're only on the screen. So he would get upset so we'd have to FaceTime when he was napping so he just did not see us. For him he was probably going to bed, going oh yeah, they're dead now. That's them gone, they don't exist anymore.
Speaker 1Here's my new life. I was like fuck me, what's going on here?
Speaker 2Like you walk through the door. What?
Speaker 1do you? I don't know exactly. I'm comfortable here and I can go on see you later, but I know it's fucking. It's good to get a break, but you need it. I mean yeah even to get away with the kids. A lot of times you often hear it's not really a holiday when you've got all your kids. It's not, but it's just. It's better to be looking after your kids in a warm country by a pool than it fucking exactly in the house, my house.
Speaker 2We didn't take ours away like our daughter. Now, to be fair, haven't your wee boys the same? What is he? What is he for? All right, so he's the roughly ones. Did you have him just before the pandemic?
Speaker 1or did you start of it? Okay, I had the baby on her own. No, she had the baby on her own. I wasn't there.
Speaker 2Oh my god, sean wasn't allowed into the last minute but he was there for the birth she had it on her own.
Speaker 1I was had it on her own. I was in there, she had the phone with me and I FaceTimed her and I didn't know what I was having. So I was sitting with my dad, she was having a cup of tea and she was like Sean, sean crying.
Speaker 1But I thought she was having an attraction because all night she wasoned me at like half ten next morning, like and I thought she was crying, like the hang on traction's again and she's like what's going on, what is it? And then she phased him and he's like what a wee boy. And I just went fuck. I knew like that people say that you ever cry and had a baby. And I just went fuck. And I went oh my god, it's a wee boy, it looks like you. I went, I looked him out the eyes and he grabbed me.
Speaker 2I'll phone you back and did you? Did you get to go in and see him then, or did you have?
Speaker 1to wait. Did you wait? No, I had to wait for like a day and a half to shake it out shut that is so traumatising, I know it's brutal she's fucking that I mean.
Speaker 2I definitely had trauma after having mine in the pandemic as well. I had postnatal depression for about a year and a half after too, because it was just awful experience. I can't imagine how terrible it would have felt. Having a baby on her own like that is so shit, no one in there, just her, and she says like five fucking midways there in a wee room.
Speaker 1She wasn't allowed to leave, and then she was in there after, so I had to stand at the front doors and wait for her coming out. I had a wee fucking car seat.
Parenting and Personal Growth
Speaker 2Fang's fucking got a driving licence and a beard by the time it comes out smoking a fake. Yeah, jesus.
Speaker 1So she came out with the chair and I was like first time ever meeting him was like two days later and then you were like hello, I am, dad, nice to meet you and then we brought, fucking, brought the chair over the car and I had a nightmare trying to get the car seat because I didn't know how to work it no, I know we all did. I was I mean it was freezing. We had him the 13th of january yeah so it was absolutely freezing.
Speaker 1I was wearing shorts and like a wee jacket like this why did men do that? No wonder I continue, because it was in the house chilling and I didn't know when she was getting out and I said sean, they're gonna let me out this afternoon. I was like, right, I'll come down get you. And she's like, oh that you know when. Flew down quick, come wait. See the chair, see her all the rest of it got in there, and I mean an hour stopped trying to put her fucking over an hour.
Speaker 1And she I was like Durville, please just put her underneath.
Speaker 2She's like no, I'm not, you're not allowed to.
Speaker 1You know me, durville, just do it after an hour, honest to god, not even exaggerating a full hour. I was fucking freezing and I was getting angry at this stage when I should have been happy. But I was like you may just sit in the back seat and hold that fucking car seat, because I can't get a seatbelt or anything like that. And she was like is that what you did.
Speaker 2Why the?
Speaker 1fuck did we just do that at the start, I know, and an hour later, and then I got home and got settled and do you know what you think too?
Speaker 2you can't go and have your second one, that your muscle memory come back and you're all. Yeah, yeah, I know all this shit. Oh my god, it's like starting again. Like you start, you're all. Holy moly, I did not. You forget how the pram goes up and down. You forget how the high chair works.
Speaker 1Like you forget all that stuff by the time it gets to your shit. I was like I remember all.
Speaker 2I don't remember how to do all this.
Speaker 1I'm feeding and all I'm cleaning don't even I had COVID when I gave birth to my.
Speaker 2You want loads, don't you?
Speaker 1I want to have a couple like I, not loads like I would like to have three, because I'm at the age now where I'm probably Sean, you've got two hands, one for each child.
Speaker 2That third one, no one likes you.
Speaker 2Yeah, you were the one that they thought they wanted and you fucking ruined everything. They ruined it. They ruined it. I had. I had COVID when I gave birth to my daughter. So she came out. She was quite unwell as well. She definitely had COVID, and the midwives hated me. They treated me like a leper because they I think they just didn't want to touch me in case they got it fair enough. At the time everyone thought they were going to die grand, but like I was like literally left alone in the room for most of like the labouring process, sean was allowed in and it was like 18 hour labour and it was so bad. So by the time I had her, I was like I'm never going give her a friend as well, to be fair. That's how.
Speaker 2I look at him that's what I want.
Speaker 1I want to give my baby that company, because he fucking tortures me, play with me, play with me. I don't want to, I know it's not awful.
Speaker 2I just don't want to play with you.
Speaker 1I want to go home and chill out do you know what's funny too?
Speaker 2my daughter, like she's nearly four but she doesn't. She doesn and wee gears or Barbies. She wants to play. She's an entrepreneur. Like she wants she sets up a shop. She wants to do shop. She wants to own the library. She'll, maybe sometimes she'll do a vet, but she runs the vets like she wants. She's like a bit of an entrepreneur. It's more. Okay, I can get down with this. But see, when it comes to like, like jegsaws and all, or just like play-doh I throw everywhere.
Speaker 1I've got him put all the stuff out. The house is racked dirty. I don't know where to work. This fucking house is a mess. I go before. I go every day and just like why is this house so dirty and why isn't it?
Speaker 2and I'm like just let him play and fucking leave me alone do you think your personality has changed since before and after coming to DAA?
Speaker 1aye Daphne, because before I wouldn't have heard about anything aye, do you mean like lay back about? Stuff, no, just I mean like, like social media and all, and like saying certain stuff and like like being outspoken and all. I don't want him to look back and be like.
Speaker 2I know you think about it. I need to be a bit more cautious.
Speaker 1No, I don't want to be like like I used to go on holiday and get fucking blocked and recorded slagging people. Go ahead, baldy boy slagging just mad stuff.
Speaker 2And you're talking to your child when you're doing that. Yeah, baldy bastard, I know.
Speaker 1I used to call him Cubo when I was a kid. All my mates go where's wee Cubo? Because he had any baldy hair or something and I was like, I called him Cubo until he started to get hurt and now he's just fucking.
Finding Joy in Daily Tasks
Speaker 2I just I don't know how people become a parent and don't. Their personality hasn't changed completely, like that's the basis of my new show. I'm writing my new stand up show at the moment. It's called Get your Pink Back and it's based on the fact that when I saw this thing about flamingos, yeah, and when flamingos become parents, the moms and the dads, the pringles, are pink, famously, but their color drains to a pale white. They go completely white when they have kids for that first, whatever length of time was through. Weak kids or weak chicks, because they give all of the nutrients, all of their energy, all of their everything to their kids and they're literally drained the moms and the dads and as their checks get a little bit more independent, the color starts to come back and they get their back.
Speaker 2It more independent the colour starts to come back and they get their pink back. Get their pink back, penis. That's what happens. That's what happens. So this basis of my new show was like I need to do more shit to like get my pink back, to be like who am? What do I like do? That's what Sandy. Like all you do is work. Or parent like what do I even like do? And in between, that's why yesterday I was on hobbies what are people doing? I've signed up to a choir. Keep counselling going.
Speaker 1I haven't been yet a choir like what. I'm just trying to do? Just trying to fancer out and see what's going on.
Speaker 2I'm trying to find what I enjoy well like what are you?
Speaker 1go back to your, like your teenage years, apart from drinking in a park. You can't go and stand drinking in a park.
Speaker 2I can drink in a park and sing in the choir at the same time. Yeah, 100% you know, what did I enjoy doing then? I used to like I think I was I used to make up my own clothes because it was purr no, choice it was out of necessity, I think. Well, the enjoyment, like you, probably just boxed your way through your teenage years, did you? I?
Speaker 1boxed, played football, played hurling, played ghillie I would say the sports.
Speaker 2What did you enjoy? Did you do pogs and?
Speaker 1all fucking throwing stones at windows and, on the way, throwing eggs at windows on the way. I'd rather an egg maybe it would be good to get a like a big fucking group of old friends back and throw stones at windows start throwing eggs at windows and taking chases again, but there's that place, the wrecking rooms oh, I see we can go and smash it.
Speaker 2Oh, smash it, that'd be good that sounds like you should get all your boxing friends together, because I feel like if anyone needs an outlet that's not like punching people you could do that. That'd be good. Yeah, my husband took one of his sons for one of his birthdays and I was like that's, you're just like one of these kids. Kids is really aggressive. That's when he would smash like computer screens, smash it up.
Speaker 2I need to bring my wheel out there because he just fucking ruins everything he ruins everything take him to that, smash plates and all and like you can just like that would be class, imagine good relief, yeah, good relief imagine the the release. It's like when you go to the dump and it's like a big skip and you're like I'm going to chuck this shit and just watch it smash.
Speaker 1I know how therapeutic like it's therapeutic when you get as you say. When you get, like when you're a parent like the other day I'd done a full period like we have a drawer right in our top drawer and it puts my head away. But I'm like if my drag they're like see this fucking drawer, like I ain't gonna, I ain't gonna feel like just throwing a fibre pad in there and just going. I don't care what's in there.
Speaker 2It's like, it's like a moniker from friends cupboard I fucking hate it.
Speaker 1Yep and I and the other day we cleaned it out and it was see getting it done. It was so fucking therapeutic slept well that night unreal I just seen be proud of it. I open it when I'm not even looking for anything. I open it for a couple of ten hours go my wee drawer that's your second born. You're like love it.
Speaker 2I know love that. I do it all the time in my house too, and like that's what I used to do growing up. I was such a gimp. I'd have like colour coordinated my wardrobe, like I'd have done it like a rainbow inside I'd have had all the tea. Do you ever see her on Netflix? And she's like how to like how to clean out your life and how to make your life night and tidy. And she's got all these like mad do you see like.
Speaker 2Chinese people online to like amazing folding and all and so satisfying.
Speaker 1Watching it, watching them do it is like it's unreal.
Speaker 2That's why I'm going to pack for my holidays on Sunday. I'll be like, yeah, packing cubes.
Speaker 1The amount of stuff they can get in their suitcase by doing that is unreal.
Speaker 2Do you ever put your kids' clothes in a shoe rack? What it's like. Do you ever think it's got slots like this here for shoes? Oh, yes, you roll up an outfit for each day and slide it in. Oh, that's a good idea, isn't it? I did that for this holiday. I did it before. For you can't do it for winter holidays. My daughter's got winter, but like, I mean like winter time holidays because their clothes are too thick, but for, like, summer holidays it's like a wee shorts and t-shirt.
Speaker 1T Hang it up when you get there over a door and then you're like you don't have all the shit, put it on a suitcase, bring a suitcase, take it out, set it up, hang it up Bang bang. No, mess, unreal, that's fucking horrible, I know, I know.
Speaker 2That's one of those things, that's a hack TikTok's.
Speaker 1a pile of shite but then it gives you a hack like that saved, but I never go back and go. I know I'm gonna use it when I need to use it.
Speaker 2I forget that I have it saved, I know but you know, that's how people make a fortune is when they're like right, figure out something that people need to get done quicker or easier. And how can I figure out how to make like the hoover or the washing machine or like whatever it's like? How can I take a laborious chore from somebody that they hate doing every day and make it far quicker and easier and simpler? And that's how you learn your fortune. That's what you need to find out someone told me this is another thing.
Speaker 1Like someone says to me, I've seen this girl on TikTok and she teaches people like they meet the people who say I'd love to. They're like I love to speak Irish. And there's this girl I think she's maybe from Galway or something, but she does one like phrase a day and translates for you on TikTok. So she does. She tells you what it means, tells you what it is and then tells you how to pronounce it and tells you to use it for the full day, any opportunity you get. So people are doing it and learning how to speak Irish that way amazing, and she's making a fortune off it.
Speaker 2That was brilliant.
Speaker 1I was like something so fucking simple.
Speaker 2You should do it for breakfast. It was right there, it was right in front of me, I know, but you've got a different Irish than her, I know you're just Ulster, ulster you do. You can represent Ulster in this. Yeah, ulster, I've been appointed.
Speaker 1Now I've got my fucking. That's the podcast going on with TikTok yeah but that's the thing it's like.
Speaker 2What is it? What do you do every day that you hate doing what's something every day? You're all fucking hating.
Speaker 1I have to do that ditch it, just ditch it, do this.
Speaker 2I mean, what is the thing every day that you're like, oh no, I've got a washing machine. Or like washing dishes oh no.
Speaker 1I've got a dishwasher like what's.
Speaker 2I absolutely hate taking the bins out sometimes you need to train.
Speaker 1I take the bins out. Taking the bins out, there's no other way to get a husband.
Speaker 2Yeah, you need a husband.
Speaker 1I need a husband. Yeah. What are you doing the night round?
Speaker 2yeah it's awful, though there are gender jobs in the house. I know, and I hate being like oh, I don't like to do the bins and all, but I don't no one does. I know, but men tend to do it more. No.
Speaker 1I firmly believe it's a man's job to take the bins out, it should be.
Speaker 2I agree it should be there are times in our house and I've got a shot. But do you remember times in our house and I've got a shot of bubble? But remember how long I breastfed your children for and kept them immune from all these diseases so you can take out? You can take out the fucking recycling 100%. Do you know? I?
Speaker 1take the bins out. I do like those two, but most weeks we forget, and that just reminds me it's Thursday day. So my uh, blue bins or black bins, it's gone. It's too late now, probably, but no, but it's for tomorrow. Mine's Thursday night and I, oh, last, two weeks ago we forgot our black bins, so now it's for tomorrow. My ex-wife is Thursday night and I lost. Two weeks ago we forgot our black bin, so now it's pale up there the worst and then I have to go out and stand on it yeah in the bags and squish it down yeah
Speaker 2and try and squeal or you're in your neighbour's garden going. They don't. They don't have any kids in their house, their bin's half empty you know getting and you're like well, I'm just trying to steal your car.
Speaker 1Just fucking drop something and roll under, yeah yeah, but that's our in our street.
Speaker 2We live in a wee cul-de-sac and I'm sure I don't know. If you're a wee, your boys go Carbra.
Speaker 1Carbra yeah.
Parenting and Career Transition
Speaker 2Carbra Was he very obsessed with the Ben and Larry coming over. Nah, oh half seven oh, my kids, are your kids up by half seven?
Speaker 1I have to wake him out of bed at 8 o'clock. He gets up at 8 o'clock but I have to wake him up at 8 o'clock and he lies out at least 10 past 9. What time is he going to bed? About 9. I suppose that's good, that's good sometimes I'm in the like there are other things and in the gym and she comes from work.
Speaker 2Sometimes she comes from work straight into the gym and then from the gym come home you want to be with a team, and then she goes straight gigging, singing.
Speaker 1So I had to come to the gym, go home, get him bathwashed, get his uniform ironed and then put him to bed get him fed so he goes to bed about 9. I go to the gym about half 7 most nights oh, right, right well then he couldn't be in bed before then he wouldn't see him.
Speaker 2He wouldn't see him. Well, my wee boy loves the bin line coming. We got him a wee bin line all for Christmas, and as soon as he sees it, he hears the bin line coming. He's outside. We're good friends of the bin men. Now they're fucking great guys on our street, but ours is the only house where they take our. They bring our bins back up our driveway. Top of the driveway, everyone else sits out in the street. I'm sitting there all don't even have to touch the bin.
Speaker 1It's not what you know it's who you know, it's because I pay them.
Speaker 2No, I don't but like they bring our bins up and like wave at my son and chat to him and all, and I was like they're the best guys like and it just looks like a great time. I was like you guys I think are living your. I bet you if I look in your car yous have grenade bars. Snack of jacks barista bar coffee. Yous have all the good gear and some are like do you reckon like a train? You see, and they're like hanging off the back and all fucking having a great time.
Speaker 1I know they're fucking. I always say like, remember being in school and he's going. You're going to end up with fucking boom man.
Speaker 2Most of them boom men are fucking getting good fucking pay, good wage good pension, consistent and they get to wave at a wee lad in every street. I'm sure there's a wee two year old the whole time when you sing on the window, they get yeah.
Speaker 1Is that why you get your bins pulled in?
Speaker 2yeah you've unveiled your secret. I wonder why they bring my bins up. I'm so mad.
Speaker 1It's a youth and I said do you want to bring my bins up? Park your bin up, my driver.
Speaker 2I know it's underrated. It is an underrated job. And then at Christmas they do it up like a wee. They get the wee antlers on the front of the valerian.
Speaker 1All great time lots of energy, loads of energy like just to be out fucking loving it and the cold like freezing cold and they're just loving their best life.
Speaker 2I mean, yeah, they're getting cold therapy. I know, I know it'd be a sweet job. What would you be doing if you were in boxing?
Speaker 1Fuck it.
Speaker 2Like what would you do if you were completely out of the fitness world? I don't know.
Speaker 1Like my brother's, not all Like. One's a gas engineer, One's a bricklayer, One's a plaster. My dad's like a skilled labourer, Aye. So everyone works physically, they're all different, like I don't know, I was useless with tools. I just didn't want to work with tools. So I don't really know what the fuck I would have done, but I worked in a bar before did you like that.
Speaker 1I loved it because it was like a nightclub on the weekends. It was in Belfast and the bar Trinity Lodge. It's like beside me, trinity Lodge aye, I've heard of it it burnt down, but the bars are still there. The bars are the hall and all burnt down so they don't have any nightclubs in it anymore. I worked there for about three years. I was only 16, 17, 18 and then I started working for City Saints on the weekends.
Speaker 2The Saints in Turst.
Speaker 1No, I worked there as well.
Speaker 2No, so were you out getting business? Were you a tour guide? No, I worked there as well. No, so were you out getting business? Were you on? Were you at Tourgate?
Speaker 1No, like a just selling tickets.
Regrets and Reflections on Past Tweets
Speaker 2I would love for you to be at Tourgate my man Over there, you're fucking on the left some building or whatever. Over on the right there's a tree, so whatever he's having a good time.
Speaker 1That tree's a cracker. That tree's a cracker that would be great, you would get the most version of a Belfast person like a West Belfast person if everybody was a tour guide. Yeah, you need like multi, like multilingual, even if they spoke fluent yeah, yeah, yeah, you still need multi. You would need West Belfast multilingual and nothing.
Speaker 2Nothing would be like. Everything would be biased as well, you'd be like, and then up bad directions where the process is fucking live and then all that takes over there's fuck all yeah, yeah, you know, there's where everyone lives, who are wrong, and then all the people who are right live over there we say like I heard, like there's a great restaurant up on the shank of the road and it's stinking yeah, yeah, yeah, don't go near it. I think everyone gets food poisoning ah it's thing.
Speaker 1And there's rats in Vestal. There's rats go up here beside the culture and I'm up in the hall, pure vast.
Speaker 2I worked in a bar too for a while when I was like a student. But I remember I worked in a couple of bars actually, but nobody ever taught me how to work in them like I feel like I had loads of part time jobs over the years but was never like no one. I think everyone assumed I'd never be there for long. You know, I think they were like she's flaky, she'll be here for a couple weeks and she'll get a wage and be all about. I'll do me for the next month, I'll head on.
Speaker 2And no one ever taught me how to do anything like I worked in bars. No one ever taught me how to pull a pint or where anything was. It was like go you behind the bar and just like they weren't. And then I remember working in a bar in the Lesburn Road and going into the toilets. Someone was like can you go in and clean the toilets? And I'm done and someone had smeared. It was like a dirty protest, shit all over the cubicle. And I remember going over to the boss going here I am, I'm gonna go home, I quit.
Speaker 1I'll not be cleaning, yeah.
Speaker 2And then I did a job where I was like handing out. This was definitely dodgy. So I saw on Gumtree because it's before the British Marketplace and all.
Speaker 1I was telling Ab I was on Gumtree and it's dodgy, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Over here. It was like leaflets distribution. But it was like going around putting leaflets on doors and I thought like the bin men. I was like I'll be outside, I'll get my steps on, I'll be on my own, I can listen to a podcast. Podcast didn't exist. Back then I'll have my headphones on. I'm a disc man and I'll listen to the Aqua album the walk man, yeah, and so that's what I'll do.
Speaker 2And it was the flyers. I didn't know what they were for. Do you like a charity clothes collection on a Friday? Oh yeah, yeah, but it wasn't a real charity. They were collecting the clothes and I don't know selling them on or stealing them or maybe sniffing them.
Speaker 1I don't know what they were doing. See, that's a that's a way around it, yeah, but then you don't know what you're sniffing.
Speaker 2I know well, maybe do you like those mystery boxes.
Speaker 1You get mystery sniff you don't have another one here in town mystery stuff.
Speaker 2That's amazing and then you get like you have to sniff everything and then you get like a wee secret, like a scratch, like a scratch card. You scratch off like you just sniffed an old man's pit. That's amazing. Oh my god, that's what we need to. That's our business.
Speaker 2I've got a trademark, that's it so I was like putting these leaflets through these doors and I got fired after one day because they were like they go out the next Friday to like collect all the bags and they text me and went you covered like a thousand houses and our ratio was normally say we would expect 30 houses to donate and there wasn't one bag today and I was like that's because I put them in the bin.
Speaker 1Oh, I just want to walk. Yeah, you weren't even productive of it, you didn't even get your stabs in.
Speaker 2No, no no, no, no. Yeah, I sat in a coffee shop.
Speaker 1I put them in the bin and get my stabs in, and I built this.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'll go walk tonight fire a job and yeah, I remember them going. Can you send in a photograph? And I was like this is normal. I'll send them a photograph. I sent them a photograph and they went we have another business as well and they offered me escort work fuck me, I tell you what that took a long time for me to say no.
Speaker 2I was like, do you have one? And it wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't like you don't have to do it. They were like you just go out. It's like friendships with people, like maybe they'll bring you to an event or like they'll pay you to go out for dinner with you and that's how they sell it to you. But then obviously, when you're out for dinner, you've been paid £100 to go for dinner, maybe, and they're like we'll give there for none. Yeah, that must be how they get the men even still, because why the fuck would?
Speaker 1anyone be a plan to deliver Charlie Lee Fitz.
Speaker 2I know, I know they're probably just then they go it's a conch skin yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. Is this a bird? Is this a girl? This is a vulnerable person vulnerable girl needs money. Yeah, send me a photo but I remember like texting back and forth, going that's no, no, maybe no, well, it could be, if you just don't know, my man David, but would they know? And I was like, and I was like, no, don't do it. And I didn't, obviously, but like, or was it obvious, it's pre-internet era. Well, gumtree exists.
Speaker 1Pre-social media you would get away with it.
Speaker 2Then you wouldn't get away with it but it's the sort of thing that would come out. That's the sort of thing that would cancel you years after you've made it. It's like in 1997. She once stood on a frog and that frog was fucking non-binary, and now it's.
Speaker 1You know what I mean aye, no, you always get like people. There's loads that come out now where stuff's coming back to haunt people. I know they're like waiting. Yeah, and it's like fuck.
Speaker 2Sean did Ireland's Got Talent a few years ago, right, and we had to wade through that fucker's tweets because we were like somebody will find because Sean does one-liners and sometimes they're really dark and he was like I would have been posting things on Twitter like from Twitter's inception and not filtering myself whatsoever. I, I would have been posting things on Twitter like from Twitter's inception and not filtering myself whatsoever, as like a 25 year old who's just found comedy, who's like, oh, you can say anything you want online and there's no repercussions. You don't realize it's there forever. We had to go through. We were literally Googling, like Sean Haggerty, Twitter, cancer or something and did he make any cancer jokes then trying to delete them and going through everything and I mean that took us a long time to delete the shit he had tweeted.
Speaker 1I don't know too, but I haven't felt like. But I just know it was. I've had some very bad tweets yeah especially Twitter, like. But I don't really have anything that's gonna not, anyway, not anytime soon anyway, but nothing that's like I believe if I was probably to go for like a commentary job for like boxing, yeah, probably wouldn't get it. Yeah, because of Twitter and being so biased on Twitter.
Speaker 2We did um years ago like I think called Naughty Shore. Yeah me, dave Elliott, arne Butler, a few of us that were in a comedy sketch group and they were like I hate to even mention it now because people are going to go look it up, but it's like it was like a piss take of Geordie Shore and it was like a Belfast version of it and it was so rough the stuff we did and it was like my character's tagline was when you're inside me, you're VIP oh for fuck right, shocking.
Comedy, Offense, and Social Awareness
Speaker 2And I I remember going for an audition for something like a big show, a big, big show, a couple years ago. I can't remember what it was. Do you know what it was? It was like Iron man. It was like a superhero movie not Iron man, but something like that there. I can't remember what it was now and because obviously I didn't get it and I remember like messaging Mark McAvoy, who now works for BBC, who would have been the one who uploaded to YouTube and all can you please get rid of that, can you please get that off the internet? Because if they just they'll go look you up and it's like they see all that sort of shit and some stuff as well was like could have been taken offensively. And I said, please delete that from the internet. Actually I'm a liar. It wasn't a superhero thing, I was going for a children's.
Speaker 1TV that's what's going to happen, like we don't know what, what's ahead of us. I know you never know what way the world's going to turn, but it shouldn't, it shouldn't never. What we say now shouldn't affect us down the line, if something changes yeah like we were just talking me and ryan before, like trump's went back in now and changed everything back.
Speaker 2Trump has just changed everything back.
Speaker 1He's given your, your two genders. Yeah, yeah, so now Ram is saying he's cut funding for any other group. That's trying to claim that there are any other, like pronouns, so he's cutting funding also and that's going back like it's Christian that's yeah so like how can you ever be right? So it should matter.
Speaker 2It should never matter, like when people start getting offended by stuff like now yeah it doesn't matter like like a couple weeks ago, if you were living in America and you said like something as horrific as like you can't be anything other than a man or a woman, yeah, and that would have been seen as obviously the wrong and awful thing to say. And now it's like well, according to your government, yeah, that's correct. That's what we have to say which makes it such an unsafe place to live now.
Speaker 1Now, if you're a trans, person, like some people were getting sacked from work, say like a waiter or waitress, was like hi, sir, and we're like sir, hi, sir. How can I help you?
Speaker 2yeah, don't assume my gender.
Speaker 1I feel so offended, I'm leaving yeah maybe, maybe, complain with a written complaint or something, and then the fucking waiter or waitress was getting sacked yeah they wouldn't get sacked now but now?
Speaker 2but also, do you get to go back and go? Well, I wasn't wrong then, yeah, that's what.
Speaker 1I mean it's like when people get arrested and like, say, spain for selling cannabis, and then they make cannabis legal. I know like a month later.
Speaker 2I know and they're still in jail but it's like if your, if your goat, was walking down the road and it was more than three feet in front of the sheep, it sounds like the offside drill you'd have been, you'd have been in jail. Do something like that there we wrestle all yellow card yeah, that goat's got a yellow card.
Speaker 2Next time he's gonna throat slit. Do you like stuff like that there, like you look back and you go, the mad rules that there was, like some of the ancient English laws, were nuts. Like I'm completely making stuff, like things up, but like, do you know stuff like if you own one bow and arrow, you're only allowed to have three fruit shoots in the house? I don't know something mental like they've just been like such bizarre laws.
Speaker 1It changes so, and when I say penalised, I mean like cancelled or blacked from for something, you have to look at the time and the context, the time when it happened, yeah, like listen.
Speaker 2I was an absolute ball bag back then. I know, let me be a ball bag back then. I'm a nice person. Now I'm a nice person.
Speaker 1Now it doesn't matter anymore. I like a lot of like you do the pantomimes and all too so like some of them. Stuff can be like taken out of context. If you were to like, yeah, just so much. Like people like say, for example, you were to do one as a comedy like, and like one character as a fucking transgender or something, yeah, and then I know, I know which, I just be cancelled, I know. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2Which I wouldn't do Because that's old shtick now. However, we've had so, like our Christmas show that we did last. Me and Sean, for the past few years, have written and produced the Christmas adult comedy For the Grand Opera House and our one last year Was called Miracle Number 34 and it was set in a care home and it was an older man who had Alzheimer's and a younger care worker who was like looking after him and night, every day, and his wee like fold and looking after him and they were going through a bucket list and they're on to Christmas and then it's revealed which you can say now because the show's not on anymore that she was actually his daughter the whole time and he didn't know who she was, and but it's a comedy but obviously it has heart running through it. We were really, really worried that we were representing Alzheimer's in the wrong way and that we were so concerned when we were writing it that the jokes can't be at this guy's expense. The jokes can't be because he forgets things, because it's too easy and too cheap.
Speaker 2And anybody in the audience and most of us have somebody in our lives that we know who does, or had those people who were like, oh, my mum died recently and she had Alzheimer's and I don't want you taking the piss out of that. But so we were really fucking worried like, oh shit, you're worried that. Like, oh, have we made this character? Are we taking the piss out of him having Alzheimer's? But then anybody who messaged us afterwards who were like I have a connection to Alzheimer's and it was really weird because someone mentioned I brought my mum who has Alzheimer's and I was like that's mental, she won't remember the show yeah, and you keep telling her the twist and she's like, did that happen?
Speaker 2and she's like no, but it was great, it was therapeutic and it was great to be able to laugh at something that we take seriously, because that's what we do here in this country really well, we make fun of the hard things we've got of humour almost, but it's therapeutic. There's no malice in it.
Speaker 1You're not doing it to hurt someone.
Speaker 2It's like if you don't laugh, you'll cry exactly and I think that's why there are such brilliant comedians in this country too. We're all thick skinned, aye, we know how to.
Speaker 1Paul, I see one, just what you were saying. Your man, paul Smith, was slagging he's cancer giving them, and then they emailed him saying you made R&A aye, because everyone tiptoes around it and he's like he just thought that was the best thing ever unreal and he's like, oh fuck, I've got this for now, I haven't done that on me, and he just goes and all I'm saying about having cancer and all like makes a joke of it the only complaint.
Speaker 2Somebody emailed the Grand Opera House because there was a joke and it's one of Sean's one-liners that he used to perform on stage and he doesn't know. So he slid it into the script and it was about a character who had dyslexia and they said something and they were like, oh, I'm going to have to go to this now, fucking FLM instead of FML because they've got dyslexia and they can't get the letters. And that was a joke and people liked it. But then somebody complained and they were like me and my daughter were sat in the audience and my daughter has dyslexia and that was so offensive and you're like but that is what dyslexia is, you get the letters mixed up. We're not making that up.
Speaker 1That's what it is. It's a fact, yeah, but it's also like take your face for a shake. Why would you? You will be. You will be insulted if you're going there with the fact with dyslexia going, there's a possibility that they'll talk about dyslexia.
Speaker 2Aye, like maybe a small possibility, but the mate, I don't even know how they got that joke, because they'd have jumbled them letters up even more in their head they'd have been in the right order then maybe that's right.
Speaker 1Yeah, phil, I am that's right yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2And then I'm like what's the joke that's?
Speaker 1right, I don't get it. Everyone's laughing and they're like what's going on?
Speaker 2I'm gonna get an email here, next I'm offended but this week me and Mickey and Shane were doing gigs for the student unions refresher week.
Speaker 2So they're all 18 year olds, some maybe 19, and the massive thing we noticed is how socially aware everyone is. That they're like you know they're. They're easier to offend. But this isn't their. It's not. That's not their fault. I think it's because they're an online generation and they're so concerned about what everyone thinks of them, and that's purely because of social media. It's not their fault, so they're really worried about what everyone thinks about them. They know that everything's filmed all the time.
Speaker 2Gigs are filmed and the clips go online like see where we wouldn't be, as it were like we could do something and go someone's recording and go fuck that or we give less fucks because we didn't grow up in a time like oh, did you see thingies, whatever, and that was like so important. When you talk to the audience members, they were like I'm studying sociology and you're like great and like they don't want to talk to you.
Speaker 1They don't want to open up. They don't want to. They're like this.
Speaker 2They don't really want to get involved, whereas you go to a normal comedy club and someone's all like I don't want to, like they want happy to talk to you. Whereas we noticed this age group, they were just much more closed off and it's almost to be a bit sad and sorry for them because they're so worried about what everyone thinks about them.
Speaker 1Yeah, everyone thinks about them because that's what social media portrays as Everyone's watching. I know you have to be this person, like you say about Dubai. It's like be this perfect fucking thing for, and you don't want to go out in public on the chance that you be something that someone else sees you as on social media do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2so like you're a super contest and you're on you're not like that on social media.
Speaker 2I know, yeah, yeah, in real life you're different and I know, and I think it's like we all do. We all have this massive sense of self importance where we're like everyone will care about what I'm doing. Every day, all day. Like you wake up in the middle of the night and I'll wake up at like five in the morning and be like everyone's waiting for you online. Give them something. I've almost always been like you guys. I've been up all night waiting on me to come on and the bent men are waiting outside. Well, why is everyone waiting online? Yeah, that's the thing it's like. You've such a like. Oh, what I'm doing is like, like whatever everyone's you think you put something online and you think it's gonna like it does live there forever, but also it dies in two seconds on the next one, on the next one, it dies in two seconds.
Speaker 1People are just on the next one like news. It's just all news within a day nobody will remember have done well online.
Speaker 2I'm starting to repost them because you might have 10,000 people have joined you since that other one's out there.
Speaker 1I've seen it 100%. That's the way to do it repost your shit.
Speaker 2Have a holiday and repost your old shit 100%.
Speaker 1Yeah, one of the old ones will probably go viral. I know, and it didn't go viral the first time.
Speaker 2It may go viral. The an example of someone having their glass half empty and their glass half full. Because this morning I was sitting with my darling husband, um, and we were having a coffee and he was going um, we're just ignoring the kids, just lock them in a room and he, uh, I had reposted a video yesterday and I was mad because that video, the last time I posted it, had about 400 000 views. I was all, uh, posted it yesterday, it's maybe on 20 000 or something. I was all that's mad.
Speaker 2I was like that's mad the difference. That's the exact same video, exact same caption. It's just maybe it was the day a week ago posted it. Who knows like there's a science to it at all the algorithm, the algorithm's eating dick at the minute and I was like so that's mad, isn't it? And Sean went how about you look at it? I might get 400,000. And I went that is a glass half full attitude, whereas I was shitting on it there.
Speaker 1You were on there, yeah. So now you go and look for a video with 20,000 views.
Speaker 2That's a ghost in the room. By the way, your belt has just fallen. I've always said it.
Speaker 1There's a putter case down here.
Speaker 2That's an analogy.
Speaker 1That's a sand in here there's A few things have happened.
Speaker 2Like things moving.
Speaker 1Noises being made.
Speaker 2That's just like Ryan's wife just outside going Woo Woo, she's calling her out. Outside the door it's our kids like are you finished work yet? No, I'm starving, I know.
Speaker 1Ravioli for breakfast.
Speaker 2Do your kids eat ravioli?
Speaker 1I do, for breakfast, no, but I like ravioli. They eat ravioli.
Speaker 2I do like ravioli. I'm not sure what they've put inside the pasta pocket, like it's there's. Are they saying it's beef?
Speaker 1it's in a tin like it's in a big tin, it's hard to trust.
Speaker 2When it's in a tin, there's fresh meat in a tin on a shelf for like three years and you're like why would you put that into your book? I mean, I do, but like you're sort of when you think about it, you're like why would you kill yourself slowly?
Speaker 1I don't know, because that's what we do, because it's definitely a fucking. It's in a tin for god knows how long a long time and the the best before date is like a long time away.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's apocalypse stuff. It's like this would see me through the apocalypse if something happens, you're gonna survive on ravioli. I know, for a week, maybe do you do you go by best buy dates yeah, derby doesn't, but I do do you do because you're into fitness and you don't want to get sick.
Speaker 1I just I don't know why. Nah, no, it's probably a fucking scam, because my granny is like Sean.
Speaker 2That means fuck all yes, your granny's, like they did not have that in our day sniff test oh, I have a scent yeah, old man's tit eat that sniff with intent to lick sniff with intent to lick. That's like a band, a band name, isn't it up next is sniff with intent to lick with can't come to Morocco?
Speaker 1what the fuck? So sniffing bake sheets with an intent to lick, oh fuck, no.
Speaker 2But we don't do best by date in our house? I couldn't give a shit.
Food Adventures and Immune Systems
Speaker 1I'll do a sniff test. I'm a big like I just I don't know why. I just I'm afraid you know what obviously milk milk's different, because I had milk years ago when I was a kid and I poured it in and it didn't track, it didn't look, it just happened. What the fuck? Yeah, sorry, yeah, and. I just, I just went, fuck that.
Speaker 2I think I was a student right, I went to Queen's pointless and I had a drama degree. What?
Speaker 2even, honestly, the stuff I put my immune system through back then I know like I have genuinely you wonder what put like a takeaway in the bin and been later on went. Was I done back then I'll bet and I've and I've done stuff. I've eaten blue moulded bread in the middle of the night like dirty stuff and genuinely it's because you're like purr and you're a student and you're lazy, you don't want to go shopping. You're like what does other people have in their cupboards? Our Deirdre's been back in Cookstown for three weeks but whatever she's got in her cupboard I'm going to eat. And I put my immune system through so much I think back then that now I never get sick and I can literally put anything into my body and I will not throw up ever and I will not throw up ever.
Speaker 1Fuck, see, I'm the opposite. We went on holiday, me and my mate Marty. We went to a little panadol and we were on the rip proper on the rip and I went black black one night and got a KFC. I was half-eating and fucking wherever else and the next morning I was out there fucking. I woke up and he woke up and he's like, oh Jesus, heavy-headed. He just reached over and I seen him reaching for the box and I was like marty, don't, don't? He just went, I'm starving, no. And he just started eating his half-eaten burger and it was like it was one of them like burgers, where there's like it's a chicken burger with like the potato hash brown, hash brown, and said it not a big daddy burger and he's like marty, it's fucking nine o'clock in the morning and he'd be like I'm starving.
Speaker 1Just sitting there her a rack eating a burger and I was like no, I'm not gonna lady right, I'd have heavily considered that.
Speaker 2Oh, I don't. I know I wouldn't have done it, but there would have been a part of me that if I want what, it was not what it is now I want what it was, but he just reached in and just yeah. I think, me and my mind. I want what it was, not what it's become but it always goes that way.
Speaker 1It always goes that way and then, you go like the first day and all so back to what it was and we're loving life after dinner and like at night, a few drinks and there's murder yeah, I mean you're, you're a newlywed, but you've been together for ages.
Speaker 2Do you feel like? Did you feel like when you got, how long have you been together? About seven years, yeah, so it's. Do you feel like when you got married, that you were like two giggly teenagers again? Were you like, oh my god, this is so exciting. Or was it just like nothing has changed?
Speaker 1nothing changed, nothing changed at all nothing, even on our honeymoon, like we were bringing time and all, but it was just the same old it's like another holiday. It's just like me complaining. I'm like fuck, I don't want to go there.
Speaker 1I eat a Big Daddy Burger first thing in the morning she'd plan it right, and Big Daddy Burger me sitting there at paint. There's two different people. People get up and eat something and people get up and drink something, and I'm definitely one that gets up and drinks something would you get up and drink something?
Speaker 2oh?
Speaker 1no problem, tin of harp straight away. Stop, I would wake up and drink a warm tin of harp at an after party fresh harp's the best of the whole.
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Speaker 2I'll say in a hunk, because harp do send me stuff for Christmas, but they're fucking stinking. They are stinking harp, send it to me instead send it to me, give him your jumpers and I'll give you absolutely leaping so we'll leave it here. Anyway, it's been a good chat for you guys we're going to fall out about disagreement over harp, because I'm a firm lover of harp.
Speaker 1I want harp. I'll tell you what we'll do. A quick trade so you can have grenade bars and I'll have the harp oh perfect happy days.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'll meet you in like some dodgy wee back, alley bin hooking we'll have some harp and a wee box of protein bars. Thanks, very much thank you for having me.
Speaker 1I appreciate it you've got, yeah, just your pink, just your pink back.
Speaker 2No, get your pink back is my new stand up tour. It's on sale now at dmadoricouk or any of the local venues, like it's in the, it's in like Mandela Hall, belfast, and like Million Forum in Derry. And I'm doing Liverpool and Glasgow and Edinburgh and London, as well as Dublin. And all the dates, all the places, places you heard it. Go on, get your tickets, support the woman yeah, if you don't go, my kids will starve.
Speaker 1It's up to you they'll be eating Big Daddy burgers, yeah.