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The Public Nuisance Podcast
Host Sean McComb interviews various guests
The Public Nuisance Podcast
The Public Nuisance Podcast #043 “Boot Hoppers” with Paddy McDonnell
Welcome to a new episode of The Public Nuisance Podcast with me, Sean McComb.
This week we welcome Comedian, Paddy McDonnell to the podcast.
We cover Oasis concerts and the nostalgia they bring, the madness of working the doors in West Belfast pubs, childhood adventures in Turf Lodge, boot hopping on buses, sneaking into bakeries for buns, and the characters that shaped the community. From outrageous nicknames like Birdshit and Rubberknack and much more
New episodes every Tuesday.
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Sean McComb
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Killen Studios
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That Prize Guy
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Website: https://thatprizeguy.co.uk/
The Public News House, sean McCullough. Welcome to this episode of the Public News House podcast, brought to you from Killin Studios, where you can get all your content done, from photo shoots to podcasts, all made up, tailored for you, personalized for you. Let's not forget the praise guy sponsors the podcast, sponsor of Paddy's podcast. Is that right Great man Doing great work? Charlie, work all over the fucking world Couldn't beat it With us today. Mr McDonald, thanks for coming in. I got you in the end, paddy, you got me in the end.
Speaker 2:It took a while. People don't see. People think it's easy to get at me. It's not. If they try and tie me in with family and friends and work, it's a fucking nightmare, I know he was just saying on the way in about the Wigars.
Speaker 1:You know what? He's missed his Wigars results. He wasn't there but he hasn't got them yet. So there's a big surprise to come, hopefully, hopefully. Let's hope she passes and it's all smiths.
Speaker 2:She better, she better.
Speaker 1:Housekeep. I was telling someone last week my dad gave me the option when I was 15, you leave school in fifth year. Everyone on turf left school in fifth year. So I was like I'm leaving school in fifth year, my dad says, leave as you want, go get yourself a trade. See if you get a trade. See the minute you leave this house or leave school. Money, housekeep, you buy your own clothes, you pay for your own holiday, you pay for your own trips when you go away. Box, and I had fuck that.
Speaker 2:I'm still on school. I'm still on for actually I was 23. My dad's like you're not leaving school, you're going well, I can't get myself held back every year.
Speaker 1:So I'm in the good times. But I hear you were at Waces the other day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what a show. Did you go on the Sunday as well?
Speaker 1:I went Sunday, and then I went to Edinburgh the week before, Because people were saying Edinburgh was the best. Was Edinburgh better than Dublin? Do you know?
Speaker 2:Edinburgh's the first time I've seen them since 2009. So it was like I didn't know what to expect. I've seen them individually, but obviously I haven't seen them since that and once I come on, I was just like I didn't expect to feel the way I did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Edinburgh was different because I was at the back of the stadium and we were sitting just above the audience, so I got to see the whole thing Like the show, the actual show, whereas on Sunday there we were side stage, so we actually you were like trying to see them on stage and it was an amazing experience don't get me wrong standing dancing side of the stage, but I had to turn around to see everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they were just behind you, whereas in Edinburgh.
Speaker 2:It was like watching TV. Do you know what I mean? So it was two different spirits, but the both of them were fucking class.
Speaker 1:I loved the both of them. It was just amazing. Unbelievable, isn't it? It's class to see them back brought back so many memories there was so much people worried about like going fuck, these cunts aren't going to come back, they're going to fall out or something before then.
Speaker 2:But it's good the way they've separated themselves and the hotel's not after, so that they're gone well, I think the deal we were talking the other day and the that Liam says he won't drink and he'll behave himself and whatever, and he seems to be because he well, he says at the end of the Sunday night he says, uh, that's me away to bed like a wee princess. Now, man, that's him going. I wouldn't mind a pint tonight. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:because no one went for a pint. No, it was with a scene.
Speaker 2:They went to the after party oh, that's classic we're talking the cast after and stuff like that. They were the first band on. We didn't get home For fucking when we get parked. See, sometimes you get these fucking privileges and you're allowed to park Fucking at the stadium, you know. But what we didn't Fucking realise is the lorries and all come in At the end of the fucking gig.
Speaker 1:You're stuck in.
Speaker 2:And we're stuck in. We couldn't get out, so I didn't get home until about fucking half the day I got home at 2 o'clock.
Speaker 1:I drove there and drove up as well.
Speaker 2:Were you there on Sunday, aye Sunday. It was unreal. Who were you with?
Speaker 1:Me, dervla Big Soap, my mate a few miles to the swifts, and his daughter. Somebody?
Speaker 2:who got the?
Speaker 1:atmosphere in Dublin was unreal. It was just a whole buzz. There were 50 old men walking about with pocket hats on a bit of a putter on their hands behind their back, like Liam Coward, and he's going, for a fucks sake, everybody relived their youth.
Speaker 2:It was a mad. It was a mad way. I think it's because, like, if they had of stayed together, you would have been going to see them every couple of years it wouldn't have the same hype.
Speaker 2:But nah, it's like, oh fuck. So like you're going with like your mad of Wasteless Fonz back in the day and I was going, if I get two tickets, I'm taking him, because he was my mate that got me into them and all do you know what I mean, and uh, but he ended up he went the Saturday night with his brother. I didn't get him a ticket, but sorry about that.
Speaker 2:It was all it was all talk, you know, but it was um, it was what I want. So I would love to go with all my own mates just fucking just to fucking go and just to relive it. So it was fucking brilliant, I fucking.
Speaker 1:I actually seen the big five on the podcast Curly. Is it one of the afro? Do you have him? On the podcast Twirly Twirly is it Twirly Twirly? No, twirly Twirly was he there?
Speaker 2:he didn't see me. He. Have you seen his wee song? It's fucking brilliant.
Speaker 1:But I've seen him down on a ramble last into your podcast, but I've seen him before on Kelly Sellers.
Speaker 2:Him and yous connected singing what him and yous connected, are we? Yes, because he says he's always a nuisance in every bar and you're the public fucking nuisance well, here I've seen him and I was in I don't know the file.
Speaker 1:I've never seen him. My life was. We were in Kelly Sellers, me and Derv. It was Sunday night and he was just singing Paul Nutini as loud as he could and the bar, the bar woman, kept saying like please stop and off. And he was, and he does, and I was laughing so he is a fucking nuisance I was sitting in the corner and Derv was like fuck he's this guy with. And the girl was like he always comes in here.
Speaker 2:He's a fucking lucian and I was like he's burning.
Speaker 1:He is the entertainment and he was just singing, and see the song he was singing, I love it. So I was like yes, oh, your song's brilliant, it's fucking brilliant.
Speaker 2:Watch it. It's fucking very good and I I stuck it. On the other day we were in fucking boxing training the RDA and I says here. Stick that on, you'll enjoy it. And two of them looked at me like fuck. Are you serious?
Speaker 1:and I'm like what is it on Spotify or something it's on YouTube?
Speaker 2:but he's like a hundred thousand hits on it has he?
Speaker 1:oh no, he's fucking what's it? Called the crack. I love birds. It's good, do you?
Speaker 2:know what I mean. Compared to some of the ones that's out, he's good like yeah but uh, on the podcast he was saying because I'd never met him before on the podcast and he was just, he was like, oh, I'm a bit of a nuisance, you know, I'm like there's a bit of a theme here. You know, I used to be a doorman. I'd see cops like You'd have lapped him up, but at the same time you'd be like fuck, I ain't getting told to fuck you how? Dare you man fuck.
Speaker 1:Get the fuck out. That's an old bad situation to be in for a doorman. Because Pete Taylor he always tells me stories. Most of his stories come from working on the door because so much shit happens. You know what I mean. And he ran the door brave for years, but he's like the amount of times that people who I really liked came in and were just and no one was drinking them Fucking chaos. He's like I had to throw them out and they were squaring up at me and they were mates sometimes and I was like fuck, I'll bang you if you don't go to my site.
Speaker 1:He's like the cause of that are fucking.
Speaker 2:Big time. Aww, it happened to me and Megan on this one night. I remember a guy says there's two fellas around there and they're fucking giving each other the fucking message you make a round before it gets fucking thing. But I went around, my two mates was there and they're cousins and I was like fuck, so you show me around here acting a cunt and I will pass them. And they didn't say anything and there was two fellas but they were fighting over a pan of paint so I started grabbing them and they were going.
Speaker 1:What are you doing? They're fighting over a pan of paint, paint.
Speaker 2:And I was like I'm getting complaints to much. And I was the same through the bar. Like you know, it was my mate and I was calling and I went I'm being a heavy hand with these guys to pull them out and they were fighting over a band of paint, which wasn't a fight, yeah, and these two who were fighting, who I know. So I was like I have to, I have to put them out. So when I went over the two of them, ones were in a heated and they were like just go away from us now. And I'm like lads, listen, this is where we're at. If I don't take you outside and talk to you, at least you're fucking hung. So I got them out the door and here's me. I'm gonna get my bollocks knocked in here, like the two of them's gonna just turn on me. And I knew because they were fucking-.
Speaker 1:Well, they wasn't both. February child I was like let's.
Speaker 2:They were squeezing their fist and all. And here's me fucking the tension and all, and I got them out the door. And here me Redwell will do is get out the door and I'll pull the door closed that bar. And I'll pull the door closed and turn around and tell them we're not gonna fuck at each other, fuck me. And I had to separate them and he and so what I done was actually brought them to the scenario that they didn't want to get to which was.
Speaker 2:We're outside the bar. Let's not fuck at each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you know what?
Speaker 2:I mean, I fucking felt bad.
Speaker 1:No, it's fucking tricky. I would never do it. You couldn't pay me enough. I'm sure, like you, look back and go Fuck me. I was mad, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 2:You couldn't pay me enough To do the door 45 quid an hour or an hour, 45 quid a night. I was getting Fucking hell For doing the door. That's insane. Like when I think back. It was fucking shit and but at the same chance it kept me off a drink. So that was the main reason why I don't because if I had done, Friday, saturday, sunday.
Speaker 2:I didn't drink all weekend and because at the time I was starting to drink too much, I was trying to get married, I was trying to lose weight and I just fucking. So I started doing the door and eating Chinese and I said I just fat as fuck when I got married you were even fatter. Do you know what it was? But I think the reason why I done that because I always worked in people's houses being a joiner and you used to walk in in their fridge.
Speaker 2:No, you used to. You used to walk in and see a picture on the wall and you used to go who the fuck's M2? And they used to go that's us us when we got married. And everybody was dead thin when we got married. So I think in my head I went I'll be really fat in my wedding photo and then I'll loss weight, or when I'm older, or I'll look the same, so nobody will know any difference, nobody will go. At least he looked like that the whole day.
Speaker 1:He's always been a fat bastard. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Start as you mean to go, there's nothing worse than being you used to not be a fat bastard, oh you've let yourself go on the world like when you get married you get comfortable.
Speaker 1:That's it you do you fucking definitely do.
Speaker 2:I mean that's a true thing. Like I started going with her and she's always she's not that big like do you know what I mean? She's fucking no, but you know what I mean? She's never carried loads of weight on her.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And she could eat like fuck. And I met her and it was just like fucking, comfort and eating and just then, the weight got away from me and it just got fucking massive yeah 100% of it happens. Fucking easy, like very, very easy to do?
Speaker 1:I'm fucking. She's my bird trains in this gym fucking six days a week. She trains more than me.
Speaker 2:Does she six days a week. She trains more than me, does she?
Speaker 1:and I fucking go home and eat what I want, and I don't put weight on, I'm just you're all like tall, skinny, fucking straight up piss like, but it's good, it's. You know what I mean, but I don't think I overeat. You know what I mean, people are like you can eat what? You want, but I don't eat what I want.
Speaker 2:I just A meal, maybe two meals a day.
Speaker 1:That's it. People go like oh, you know yourself, you're flat out busy A lot of time. You're probably going to go as well, probably because you're digging and there's no real time for you to fucking, because you lost those years before a Charlie Parkson fight. Remember you fucking? You ran Jim.
Speaker 2:Cope 90 kilos. Yeah, you ran more than me, you cunt. You were flat out, didn't you and they're failing. He's fighting Rogi. I was definitely trying to fucking get in to let misfits like that was the plan.
Speaker 1:And what happened? Just pretty bonkers trying to get in that as well. You know what I think, Ben Williams.
Speaker 2:Well, I put it out there to fate, like one of the comedians from England, and they were talking about it and it never really came off, because I think the English comedians seem to think they want 70% of the fucking cuts typical English isn't it and I'm like nah, that's not the way. I'd have done 60-40. I'd have fought that by last. If there had been like a per surfer fucking whatever, I'd have done 60-40 he'd have took 60, I'd have took 40 still gave money.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, there's more money in the misfits. There isn't professional boxing, do you?
Speaker 2:know, fuck it. I used to see like people I know that was boxers and they were getting 1500 quid for a fight and they were training for 6 months, I know. And then that fight came up last year and I was like I don't know. And then they were like we'll give you this and I was like how about that?
Speaker 1:as, you'll do mate, I'd fucking do it fucking.
Speaker 2:Everybody was going. You not worried about fainting your man, and I was going I don't give a fuck. And he was going he'll be down in one and I'm going I'm not getting knocked out in one. I know for a fact I'm not. And they were like what do you think about the fainting? I said I've never seen him fainting. He's seen me fainting. There's me.
Speaker 1:But I lost a few rounds and there he was.
Speaker 2:there he's not a fucking mark of me, more than 15 ages fucking. His lip was busted and he grew hair after he passed him so fucking.
Speaker 1:That's all I'm saying, he was bald and everything you done him a favour.
Speaker 2:Fucks sake, I knocked him out 10 years ago. People were like you can fairly take a fucking dick in the chin. Me fucks sake. I'd taken hammers and baseball bats over the years. I know, I know. There was one of you who's hit me one time with a hammer, who I don't know which one it was. It wasn't me. Well, you're gonna fucking deny it because you're sitting there.
Speaker 2:I actually do think it was your day it may have been growing up in turf obviously I was coming through the Falls Park and there was like yous were fucking about, as if you and I think about 10 bits of wood. Do you know what I'm going to pray for.
Speaker 1:A lot more up the top, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then when you come out into the park, and we're all sitting there and I was coming back from hurling, training and fucking. It wasn't usually done this, but one of them grabbed my fucking boots. I had them in a wee boot bag and in my hurl and I was like, listen, you're going to get the fucking hurt around you. And he was like and he was grabbing it and I said let it fucking go. And he didn't and I hit him. He was a wee rat.
Speaker 2:And then one of the skullions was Daphne here, and then one of you and I remember getting hit with a fucking hammer in the back of her head and I turned around.
Speaker 1:It was one of you Was it me.
Speaker 2:I what was your name. I think it was D D or Liam Liam's the dark horse.
Speaker 1:Is he the older one? He's the older one, but he's only a year, only 11 months. He's twins.
Speaker 2:And then I remember fucking saying to the other McCombs. Megal, look at me. One of your cousins hit me with a hammer.
Speaker 1:Which one, which one Family feud, oh fuck.
Speaker 2:I was probably fucking 13 or something. Then Turf Laws is just.
Speaker 1:It was naked. I was just growing up, that's the way it was. It was the West Belfast, it was like that. I was talking to someone the other day about it Growing up, see, because all the fashion's coming back, all the old school fashion, and people are wearing like 90s clothes ands, fucking Fleur tracksuit bottoms and Shell tracksuits and shit. I like to see it because it brings back good memories of growing up. You're running about in a fucking Leek Hacksportive tracksuit or a fucking you know a handy-doy jumper.
Speaker 2:Do you ever get stuff stole off the lane? Nah.
Speaker 1:I grew up on Leith Freyre. I was about 100 years.
Speaker 2:I was I remember fucking we used to. We kids from Turf Lodge was doing it.
Speaker 1:Aw, you were crancers, aw, and we always done it. It was the Milkman's Orange.
Speaker 2:Well, there was one house at the top of Crancers. They used to go and get the Milkman's Orange up there.
Speaker 1:So we stole it, he stole it from him. No, we didn't. Rob and Peter the.
Speaker 2:PayPal. My man, dad, fucking there was somebody stealing our milk in the and I remember this fucking Saturday morning he came running quick, quick, quick. They stole it and we went up in the car and I jumped out and fucking followed these kids to this house and fucking I run around the back and they run in and it was a fucking bunch of kids and obviously the fucking man and dad were fucking drinking and doing whatever. And I went down to my dad and I went just order an arcs of fucking paint and let them fucking take it down, the fucking nothing the fucking nothing the that nothing.
Speaker 2:I said, let them take a fucking milk. I was like really and I said yes, you mean that wee lad was stealing that for fucking kids to get fucking cereal like.
Speaker 1:And there was something you know obviously we I moved out, mad down all the stuff, right, right, it's going to dogs like it was rough back then when we were growing up, obviously, but it had to be rough because there was no people, were getting the tight fucking work People didn't know what it was like. It's fucking getting even worse. People fucking smoking crack flat out.
Speaker 1:There's crackdowns in turf like about these houses and just I'm going to myself what the fuck is going on here? No blame when I drive into it. I remember saying that when I first met her like I'm going to buy a house in Turfing, we're going to live in Turfing. She'd say you're not buying a house. I say I live in Turfing, I'd be fine. Every week, every night of the week, I'd be out digging people, fucking. Disgrace.
Speaker 2:You forget when you grow up in them. You don't mind. I remember saying I'd live in Lalladown or fucking I would live in. B or you know something like that, until they move out and look in you go fuck.
Speaker 2:We. We were wage rat, we were like divas, they in clannard, then white rat. And I remember white track like it was fucking bonkers and I don't know if it was more bonkers because I was getting older and have more memories of it, yeah, but like it was fucking mental, like Like, with everything going on, yeah, the fucking bikes was in the R Street so the rad were always taking a fucking rattle at that. Ah, see that going on. Then the joiners were welled in the wet track, fucking welled back in, and it was just. I just remember being fucking nuts, yeah.
Speaker 1:I remember fucking two doors down, but you'd have gone outing.
Speaker 2:Two doors down. They had these beanbags. Nobody had bean bags Like you think. Nah, bean bags, not a thing. There was a house two doors down from us and what happened was one of the kids in the street was in the house with their man because that moment on the catalog or something, yeah, and he was like there's two bean bags. We were like what do you mean? He's like there's these bags and you sit on them. You're saying get them or not?
Speaker 2:And we were so scared so we waited and watched and fucking they took off in the car and they went out. We fucking get into the house. We were fucking putting them on our head and all and fucking oh I'm a turtle and fucking damn, I don't know what happened. So we found a sip and the next man fucking opened it. Fucking we emptied all the balls all over all over the fucking house.
Speaker 1:My ma's desk day still brings it up to me.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that's right over some pro's house, but one of one of the boys must have told her ma or something like that Her ma were getting beat up and down the house and all the ma's in their house like trying to push up and the white balls were all over the fucking over the street and all like he's fucking. There were two big, massive beanbags. We fucking racked them and I remember, they're talking the street air house breakers fucks it, we're only six, or?
Speaker 2:seven or something it was funny like but there was those people. Well, fuck all. That's what you try and tell people, and yeah, I think it's a part of it too. You go on a podcast and you tell stories and people's like fuck did you hear his stories, they almost don't believe it.
Speaker 1:People don't believe it like when I started doing comedy.
Speaker 2:I purposely didn't do some of the stories because I went. People's not. If you're not from here, you don't believe it and, like I had a radio DJ says to me is that true? And it's true and you're going. He grew he doesn't fucking.
Speaker 1:No, no, he doesn't. It's only 20 minutes down the road, but it's a fucking different world, 100% you know.
Speaker 2:I remember working in big houses on Malone Road and they were going Would you go to a riot? And you're like I don't even go to a riot.
Speaker 1:I live in the riot, I am the riot.
Speaker 2:Do you know, and they would go like and you would make and you were telling, telling them stories, and I remember my dad going will you stop fucking telling people? That man and you're going and I don't get it, but they were literally fucking 10 minutes across a bridge and it was like a completely different world. It was so alien to them and they were like I don't fucking believe this and you're going, alright, and then you were going. I can get data up on YouTube and show me they're going.
Speaker 1:I said I I met a joke a while ago about a drop bar. I was like fuck, she put the drop bar on. She was like drop bar. What's a drop bar? I said you don't know what a drop bar is. She lives in Glen Road, grew up from she was a child in Glen Road. Like a drop bar, you put it on the door so Brits can't break your door my dad.
Speaker 2:I know it's not that far, just down the street in Turf she doesn't even know the drop bars.
Speaker 1:I was like people are just alien to us and they're living amongst it. We're like my house. We didn't have we didn't have wallpaper in the walls until about 2006 your books from school have more wallpaper than ours. I had to go and tap wallpaper off someone else because we had none.
Speaker 2:I'd say he was talking about it. He used to see fellas on a Saturday walking about with big legs of wood and they used to be like DIY, which was the fucking place to stir, to say, curlies. And he used to see people walking with big legs of wood up the fucking candy way up in the turf and it's obviously a fella who's fucking went to a bar after working a Friday and his missus is doing his balls in and there's fucking that room up the stairs, that's no skirting and he's like fucking he's the seatbelt with a big fucking head people walking about with fucking dinners and tinfoil that's
Speaker 1:what you seen you don't see that no more. Like people walk, we still do. We still bring dinners around. In my own front, around the corner from my madhouse, but my, my granny across the street, she'd still see us walking about with 10 footers you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:That was like a common thing when you were younger and she would throw dinner out back in she like oh, my dad wheel scrape, fuck on the noob and get that out here and I'll eat that later, see now, I'll do my piece tomorrow no butter on it get that out of there people.
Speaker 2:People don't understand that. That genuinely like working class and the way things was. It was that fucking mad and you had caggers in every street Big time and they're going what do you mean caggers? And you're just going. You've no idea. These people had fucking post-traumatic stress or had fuck all or had a real bad upbringing and then they were fucking turned into a character. Yeah, I'd done the door in the Green Hut. That was the mildest fucking place ever. It's a great bar like a great wee bar here. I'd done the door. You didn't have to do fuck all they're all.
Speaker 2:It's a it's a community run thing, so what happened was I remember doing the door and they were like you're not allowed to bar anybody.
Speaker 1:What am I here for? And they went.
Speaker 2:We have to have somebody on the door and I remember doing it going. This is insane. You're not allowed to bar anybody. Anything happens, we'll deal with it.
Speaker 1:And you're going had to go to committee. Anything about anyone who has a bar go to committee, and that was just a hut, and then they built round.
Speaker 2:They built round the fucking hut and then the hut ratted and saved it and then they scraped it all out.
Speaker 1:They scraped it all out. That's a few pants scraper.
Speaker 2:The Green Hut.
Speaker 1:Ah, Green Hut's a great barbershop. We went to a party on it.
Speaker 2:I went to a 50th or 60th birthday on it and there was a black stripper come in there and he was weighed by a tiny list. The fucking women Fucking wanted to dump him. The poor women Fucking what they done to him. The poor fella he didn't. I sure remember him Fucking. He came in and this is the moment where it fucking changed Right, because he came in and your mum was called Bernie or something and he came in and he started stripping and he was like Bernie, you've been a naughty birdie. And the next minute the birds all went and that was it. I felt sorry for him.
Speaker 1:Swear to God Poor fella.
Speaker 2:He fucking got pulled across that fucking dance floor. I don't know they ended up fucking stripping for him.
Speaker 1:He paid them as the fucking I'll pay you.
Speaker 2:I remember going to the party and it was like, because I didn't know the woman and we knew somebody belonging to her and I was like, look, I have to bring something down here for your ma's party, what does she like? And they went harp and I'm like, fuck, I was getting into Bab Al-Awayin or something. They don't know me, but harp, I remember walking in with a 24 pack and my man loves you.
Speaker 1:Fuck me on 24 pack harp Best present you ever got 24. Everybody was giving her six. They were like 24?
Speaker 2:Fuck's sake, it was that cheap. There you go.
Speaker 1:She ended up with 110s of harp done on her for two nights and it was always a harp thing.
Speaker 2:Like see, I done the Odyssey the first time I done it. They came backstage it. They were like there's a fella starting up with a case of harp. And I was like right, and they were like at least, like go and see Paddy. Paddy knows a crack and they thought he was related to me or something. And I was like well, what's a crack? And they were like he says he was walking to the town door with us because he doesn't think I'll be here when he comes back, but he wants to bring it into the show. I'm like why you see him coming to me, I'm about to fucking perform in his show and you just come back. He's adamant. He says go and see Paddy, he'd fucking sort it out. So I say for fuck sake, right, go and tell him to fucking guarantee if it's not handed back, I'll bam it or personally, I'm on a laugher.
Speaker 2:They came back and they were like he says can I see you saying it in the video? Well fuck you get them.
Speaker 2:Alright, you do, you get them but it's, it's a typical thing like so, when when you have that comedy and then Shane like says to me on the podcast, do you want to fucking tell a few of these stories that you tell us off stage? And they were the ones that people are like, because the famous ones were I went to work with your mom in Turf, hanging the doors it was the first day I met him, that's right. And he put on your mom and it's fucking nitty, you know.
Speaker 1:Like the stuff that people do, like my dad would have stories and all to your stuff they all got up to like on building sites, it's madness, like in people's houses and all it's fucking like they're the best stories like they are so see every year they're believable like, but you have to live amongst people oh, they know that that's where the characters 100% that's people growing up and fucking. That's like.
Speaker 2:So when you came on, the podcast and people were like and all that going?
Speaker 1:he grew up.
Speaker 2:It's you fucking ex me it'd be so much fun to tell them stories. I knew some of them, but some of them. But that's just like.
Speaker 2:Everybody sits and just tells that's normal to us, tells you we're here about your mom, but what the crack is now is social media. So when there's videos and you get to see you know you used to just be here you fucking things that you've done and you've done. So when I run about with my mates, I wanted to be the maddest, so it was like trying to outdo each other, so it was just.
Speaker 2:You know, when you think some of the things we've done, fucking I swear to God, it blows my mind if my kids done anywhere near that at Goldmatter.
Speaker 1:I remember, see, there was a big payload in Gorton and Munnar and we used to have a big fucking shed, big, big shed, built at the payload and I claimed the various habit. One day my mate claimed up. One of them was like you're saying about out doing it? So I was like I'll claim that and we're all claiming I got the various habit. And people were were like you can't go past that wee colored thing or you'll get electrocuted. I was like be alright and all. Then you climbed up it, fucking house, fucking looking down. I see, now I think about it. I'm shit scared of heights for something. But see back. Then I was fearless, back down again, right in my mind. See, I could back up it, climbed up it with one hand, whole long big bag of water balloons and I was hanging on and you could see right in the ground because it was like down there in the top of the ground right there and I hung, or each we hang out, hold on to the cream of it.
Speaker 1:I hung the bag of water balloons on and see when I hang back. Yes, I go, I'm see if you have water in the lab? I wouldn't do it, I was throwing the water balloons in the garage. Boom, it was all kids playing the street and I had no clue where the water balloons were coming from. And fucking Danny Heaney was hanging out his tap, his, his. He was looking at me going you're mad, shouting you're mad.
Speaker 2:I was going there, gratcha one of the Heaney's was shouting you're mad, I know.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you something. Tap and the view of Belfast was lethal.
Speaker 2:I was going.
Speaker 1:You don't want to see it up there, but no one had the balls to go up there. I thought I was a man. You know what I mean, because I get up there. Ah fuck, but that's fucking.
Speaker 2:People just go. We did like do you know what I mean? 100%. We used to fucking we'd have found where we fucking house was or something. We went in and started moved into it. There was no me and the boys, no, like it was the things we got up to.
Speaker 1:We used to do that all the time like a repossessed house we just moved in They'd see any big boards, we'd just pull them off, just sat in the house.
Speaker 1:We'd have sat there for weeks, weeks on end. There was one time one of the lads got in to this house and the there were all kinds of beans and brown sauce on. So we were living. We were all not living there, but we were on the boot. We were in there every single day of the summer and one of the lads got in. He was on the bike from school back in September. So when we were back in the school he got in, went on the bike in that house. We all got home from school, went there and that's where our meeting point was. There was no phones around, we just rock't shoot.
Speaker 1:You fucked the beans, all the walls and brown sauce and everything was out of date. I mean, we were all going, we were going to kill him.
Speaker 2:No, that used to happen every time. Whenever we got somewhere, they used to fucking rag it. And then that's what happened. I guess one fucking place we got it had toilets and everything. It was fucking and what happened was all the wee girls were running about with us we it was fucking tight and what happened was all the wee girls were running about with us. We're like we're going to go down and put wee candles and wee smellies in it and they had it lovely. Well, they cleaned it and all.
Speaker 1:They went and bought cleaning stuff and the first day was dead, was cleaning products and all.
Speaker 2:No, dead fucking, it was dead civilised. And then I just remember walking in the Sunday and it was fucking trash time, man, fuck's sake.
Speaker 1:There's people fucking crying out for houses everywhere.
Speaker 2:It's coming in the winter. This would have been fucking haunting Perfect You'd have carried it sat there 100%.
Speaker 1:You'd have brought all the fucking other lads and all the birds along, sat there and had a laugh Now there's people getting fucked out of their houses. They're sitting there. Someone approached me about that succession um eviction.
Speaker 2:Seen it.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of people getting evicted from their houses, because basically what's happening is if their parents died and they're not there and is living there, but they've lived there their whole lives they're getting out, because that was a law passed in 2024.
Speaker 2:It has to be a married person or something.
Speaker 1:So they're all getting evicted. They're just throwing everyone, anyone on it and they're all going mad protesting over it. So so I'd say, like my man, that right, Touch wood, it's an Irish thing, touch wood, right. Like if I'm not down as living there or any of our siblings we've grew up, or I've been living there 33 years, so it's just nope, you're not getting it and I go what? Well, I've lived here, like I'm still living here. I'm still living here I'm still here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you're not there as living here, and that's because the people didn't have the money. You have to pay an ounce for 40 quid a week or something for your sibling to live here, so you have to pay the you have to pay your way, the old things like the mall.
Speaker 2:One was the fucking 50p meters down the falls and your mom your mom learned how to make them out of ice, serious, right. So what happened was this guy made a mould and you filled up the fucking mould and you made ice 50p slow man. But you had to drill a hole at the bottom for when it melted, for the water to drip. And there was a guy down the fucking road and his dad was torturing your man. He says right, I'll get you a fucking mould, right, but now you and I drilled the fucking hole in the bottom. Your man didn't drill the fucking hole, fucking throwing the 50ps in like fuck.
Speaker 2:I had the fucking magic fire on non-stop. Next moment. The fucking water no way. Fucking. Blew up the fucking house and half the fucking street. Jesus, With water and electric Fucking.
Speaker 1:no electrics And-. That's something you wouldn't even even if there was a hole, I fucking drilled a hole.
Speaker 2:But your man's nickname after that was Drillbit. Because he got done, he went to deal with it. Why didn't I drill a hole? He says I didn't have a drillbit, so he called me Drillbit.
Speaker 1:Oh, fuck me, classy. That's see like what characters you're talking about. That's where. Like seeing the nicknames in West Belfast, or like seeing the nicknames in West Belfast, some of the nicknames like people I grew up with, like Spoon I don't know about Spoon Brian, dog Rubberknack, two Scoops Birdshit. There's a lot of people from Tenerife.
Speaker 2:Lodge that I grew up with. All had fucking nicknames People. What's? He called that for Birdshit.
Speaker 1:Why is your birthmark in the back of his head His head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, why is he called Spoon before? He's a fucking Spoon? Why's he called Rubberknack? And even when you tell, like the nicknames, you know, because, like I call myself Paddy the Dagger, that's my nickname. Yeah, but I had other nicknames, you know, it's just, you got a nickname.
Speaker 1:Oh, big time, everybody had a nickname, everyone had a nickname, certain mates would call you a certain nickname and other mates would call you like. I had like five nicknames like my gum. People called me my gum because somebody couldn't talk right because I lost about four teeth at one time. You can see that wee translation when you're a kid.
Speaker 2:You had no teeth.
Speaker 1:I had two teeth to my name, so Burns, and all of them third people called me my gum and they had to stop with me. So loads of people from third people called me my gum and then loads of people playing, hurling and going like no, it was always Schmiller, it was my dad Schmiller and people would call him McGum. People would call me fucking all different names you know, like in school and out of school.
Speaker 1:But all these different people were like why's he calling you that? For I go it's up in Turf, florida. They call me McGum.
Speaker 2:No, like people from school would go, why's?
Speaker 1:he calling you McGum.
Speaker 2:Nicknamed him as Big Celtic Because back in the day he bleached like Celtic In his jeans and he was a mad.
Speaker 1:Celtic.
Speaker 2:Down the fall. So everybody called him Big.
Speaker 1:Celtic.
Speaker 2:Because he was like 12 and he was tall. But he didn't get any taller Than what he was, so he was called Big Celtic. So his mates used to call me Wee Celtic and my mum was called Mrs Celtic Do you know what I mean. So it was a mad fucking thing. It was wee Celtic and then all my cousins up in Lanadown and my uncles called me PJ because it was Patrick James PJ. So I got PJ and then fucking in school was called Grape Dick. Primary school Primary school primary school?
Speaker 2:was it primary school? Was it? Was it St Cavins? And then I changed the wee bit in P7 because from a comedian no, no, I didn't have to do it.
Speaker 2:That's not even why I was called it. I was called it because my mate was deaf and he couldn't say Patrick. So when he said Patrick, it sounded like gri it because my mate was deaf and he couldn't say Patrick. When he said Patrick, it sounded like grippedick because he was deaf, grippedick. So where did you? And then, um, so it was called that right up. And then in p7, when we made our confirmation, my mom made me wear a black guard jacket and, like a woolly, fucking farmer's jumper, green coat her eyes and I was like I'm not wearing this. And she's had these big, fucking like song boots and I'm like I'm not wearing these. And my dad's like he says he's not wearing them. She's like he's fucking wearing them. That's his fucking clothes. And I says I want fucking. Do you remember LA gear lights?
Speaker 1:and they had the three different colored.
Speaker 2:Fucking the dogs, danglers uh and uh, I got them and fucking. I remember fucking walking up for confirmation and the got them and fucking. I remember fucking walking up for confirmation and the chapel was dead, fucking dark and everybody laughing like fuck because the fucking lights were going like fuck fucking. So they called me something else and I can't remember what it was. But then another fella started Paki Mandela. Whenever Mandela got out, I got called Paki Mandela for a while and literally I remember seeing him and going why did I get that? And he went. Remember you get fucking locked in the fucking principal's office all day and he was like no.
Speaker 2:So we were all walking about the yard going free Paki Mandela, so it was like Prog testing outside the fucking principal's office, just fucking loads. And then in secondary school then you had made sir done that, and then so it was all different names. And then in secondary school you had made sir done that and then so it was all different names and then Paddy was the main fucking one like, which isn't a fucking real mad nickname but it was like you called that and St John's I called something different too. Can you remember that?
Speaker 1:one. There's always people that's made up names. See, like I have a nickname and I don't have a nickname. But when my child, our car bra, has like a wee fucking bob, like you know, his hair's like nah, I call him Boris Johnson. Like that's his hair looks like. But I only say it as a joke. But now people go, where's wee Boris? Where's wee Boris? But see, when he was a baby he had a wee fucking small ball-y cue ball hair. He looked like a cue ball. So I called him Cue Ball and people were like, why don't you call him Cuba? I go because his head is Cuba. See, like loads of people in the ARD and people who know him from maybe his real baby. Are we Cuba? Where's we Cuba? And people always go, I go, he's in my sucky names and everybody hates him.
Speaker 1:But listen, it's part of, it's still part of where it's all 100% he's probably going to need more people and you want him to be that way.
Speaker 2:It's the way it goes. I remember our puddick. He's called Poe. She called him when he was younger and in the ghillie club, so everybody knows him as Poe.
Speaker 1:Do you know? He's a wee Poe. People don't even know my dad's real name.
Speaker 2:Because they would call him Smaila, Very, very little.
Speaker 1:because he's just Smaila.
Speaker 2:Is it Frankie?
Speaker 1:I asked my chair, smell her. I go no, his real name, what's his real name? He's like Smell her. He didn't even know it's Ger Ger McComb, ger McComb, no one, no one, because my granny called me that.
Speaker 2:What's your mad?
Speaker 1:call Smell her, everyone calls me Smell her, everyone my ma, my granny, everyone. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:No, because normally my ma does my. My ma's the only one. My ma calls me my full name. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Patrick James.
Speaker 2:MacDonald, patrick, james Cairn, macdonald, up around, you know what I mean young Celtic, wee Celtic, wee Celtic. No, my ma's Patrick, it's just Patrick. So when people say Patrick to me, it's fucking strange because it's only my ma and my sister's called me trust you my da do you know what I mean? Just fucking shut the door.
Speaker 1:Oh no, but he just. I would like people always call me by my full name. Everyone like oh sean mccormick's dinner or oh, sean mccormick's going. So sean mccormick's. Never like sean, they call you other names behind your back behind my back. Oh, I know that fucker's not wrong. Right, you take it to the chamber, I'll fix it.
Speaker 2:Do you know what, see, if you don't know your nickname? That's fucking scary see like no, if you have something and you don't know, because there was the Riddick when we went to school and he didn probably laughing as well. He said to me one day who's Riddick I went? How do I fucking tell him he ate real bad BO. So, everybody called him Riddick Bow right, and they had a song. Do you remember Insignia? Oh, fuck yeah.
Speaker 2:So the song was he's the king of the Riddick Riddick, Riddick bow, Everybody's fucking Because he's still. Oh fuck, I remember it was a full song for him. I remember going this cunt doesn't even know what this is about Riddick bow, because he had Bob BO in fucking school.
Speaker 1:No way, fuck me. See, you're ruthless as a kid. See if you'd done be done for bullying.
Speaker 2:Oh, big time. You know what I mean Fucking torture. That was part of growing up.
Speaker 1:That was just a normal day. See, if someone says you're bullying him back in the day, well, Our teachers in primary school called me by my nickname.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I?
Speaker 1:mean Griptek. They ran out of griptek Fucking. I fucking did Primary school.
Speaker 2:Fucks to be putting.
Speaker 1:I was like now.
Speaker 2:I didn't end up in the register to say that.
Speaker 1:I know, fuck me, you get away with an half a night, but the kids don't know what they're missing at all. But with all that, crack back. But they I was fucking really they get. Obviously, as I was saying, I fashion all starting to change. It gives you a wee bit of like when you look back. See, when I was there in Dublin and there was loads of people drinking in the street and there was people wearing like retro clothes and I was like this reminds me of the 90s, you know what I mean, like growing up, loads of people would have been standing in the street drinking, carriage, blue bag, big bike, buses, and it was just. And I bumped into big Liam Inred at the UB40 concert. He was like I don't know where he came from.
Speaker 1:He was like yeah, up the Falls Park. I was sitting up there and four o'clock were two bollock busters me and the lads because I feel as though I'm here brought back so much memories it was the best night ever, loved it, and I was going like that's the way it was. It was normal to just go to a park where I carried and sit there with our son beating down all the lads bit of crack 100% singing, fucking singing and having the laugh pushing people down the bank fucking laughing.
Speaker 1:He's obviously he's went and done that because before he went into standard drainage man nostalgia. He's probably been like and he was just he, just when he walked by me. He only briefed Hans to get me to walk by. He was like this is my type of shit. You know what I I mean Cause you miss it, like you always miss it.
Speaker 2:Oh, hold up a sec. The first time I played the Fiala in the Falls Park and it was a tent Tent, that's right, 1500 people. It was me, eric Lawler and Danny Darling. And I said to my dad I'm gonna do a bit about you and all your mates used to drink in a pot and I was like you know. So my opening thing was I says everybody remembers your first time. And he says I remember my first time. I remember people in the audience going what the fuck? And he says it was down Lovers Lane.
Speaker 2:And I says and then the wee girl, and we went prepared for it. We went down Lovers Lane and she was like we'll just do it here. And I was like no, no, I ain't gonna go in that bushes, you never know who'll run past. My dad's always training down here. I says we'll go down that bushes. She was like are you nervous? And I was like I'm nervous, are you nervous? She went I'm nervous, here's me. Well, we'll just mum. Everybody was sitting in the park going what the fuck is he about to say. She just put her palm in my bag and she pulled out the first fucking glass leader bottle of Old English.
Speaker 1:And she stuck it in her mouth and I lifted it.
Speaker 2:So I couldn't get glass once, but I lifted it and I went, so everybody remembers your first time you were swallowing in the falls fucking park, fucking some of the things we'd done, and I remember the snow fucking was in it. We fucking ran Clarkie's dead and I called Reston fucking, we fucking crack him, made him out and we were all running about and he was like I have a fucking snowsuit down the house for skiing and it's white. And we were like right, he says I lie on the bank and you walk all the girls down and then, I fucking bounce up Scram and fucking.
Speaker 2:We went right and we got them into the park and it was closed. Next time fucking you get in. Fucking park was just covered in snow. It was fucking classed. We were walking down the fucking lane and next man, peavey, jumped up and the fucking girls ahhh, fucking shit themselves. And then Peavey went, I fucking got my back in and me, fucks it, raise up. I fucking got my back in. No, you haven't, I fucking fucking have. And he was a wee, tiny fucking thing and he says I can't walk, I can't walk, he couldn't get over the rails and we had to fucking try and lift him up. So see him lying in the cold. It must have seized up. And then he jumped and he fucking done his back in and he was stuck in the house for a fucking, probably fucking a week.
Speaker 2:But back in and we snuck into his house. He says come on in, stay the night, because my dad wouldn't like to stay. He lived down in Norfolk and we all snuck in, about five of us. We were underneath the bunk bed and his dad kept coming in the room who the fuck's in here? I was like there's nobody in here, fracking who's here? Nobody, and fucking hanged. But his dad had a fucking switch and I don't know what I'd fucking done. But whoever was under the bed with us were hitting it with their foot and kept turning this thing on and his dad was knowing and he came in and he went right just tell them to come out from under the fucking bed.
Speaker 1:And now the cunts are fucking here.
Speaker 2:It was fucking important and he fucking saw my things like they'd done them fucking back in the day. You think about them.
Speaker 1:We had a number remember mackerel is big, right norfolk yeah, I can tell you a cracker we uh, we get in that, got all we really. We lived in that for fall summer. That's an oring with someone rather than us. We had that place, all the big cookie boxes, we had the shutter pulled up, that done, all deliveries, but it was higher up.
Speaker 1:We opened that f***ed all, but I'd say a thousand boxes, hang boxes, all like a hang like flat pack boxes of cookie boxes in it you can smell sugar and all still in this place we could end it. And uh, was it still a bakery at that state? Uh, we were jumping off and it was f***ing a crack we had down there. It was lethal, the stone was just see underneath that there was a tunnel was there whenever right and it went.
Speaker 2:So see the wee chapel, and the tunnel started right underneath Maggielands. So they done a tunnel because the river came down from Turf. But you could go up the tunnel and then halfway up it it was fucking tiny, like high and small. You could stand up, so you had to take a break and then it laid you out. Just there used to be I don't know if you remember us, but when you go up and where that margolaine speaker is, as we call the second, that used to be a field when we were kids and then that went right up and you came out at grant your green in the forest park and then you went up in the turf so you could get out.
Speaker 2:But when you got to the far end it was a metal railing so you couldn't get out. It was just open. But we used to go up a tunnel all the time and fucking we were going up and down this tunnel and we all started getting fucking sick and it was all the shite that they were fucking pumping out of the fucking thing, all the chemicals, all the cleaning chemicals was all in there and we were getting fucking sick going up and down the tunnel we
Speaker 2:used to go up and down our name. We used to hang about in that field. But the bakery we used to go in and fucking we didn't rip a dick out of it. What we used to do is in the morning we used to meet around there and we would go in and we would take enough buns to sell to buy a packet of fakes in school. So if you got four or five creamy dams, you could sell a slice of creamy dam for 15p and you fucking had enough bite effects for one of them.
Speaker 2:So that's what we done and I'll never forget this fucking Mickey Goodman. Do you remember the Goodman?
Speaker 1:from Turf and things and.
Speaker 2:Malachy fucking forget Malachy's second name. Both of them were from the Murph anyway, and we told them about it. And then they started coming in and I remember they were fucking filling their school bags with fucking gripping down on it. They ripped the whole of it.
Speaker 2:So this morning we went in and fucking Macer Lanes obviously had fucking a few boys waiting for us and fucking give us a fucking heading right. So we were all talking about what we were going to do. So somebody says we're going to get in the night, we going to fucking wreck a factory, fucking slapping us about. So there was a big high shutter where the varnish would come in and out, which was in our zone of street that's the one I'm talking about, right, that's the one we opened big, massive one there it was high up
Speaker 2:so you could sort of get up shimmy up the side of that trying to fucking open that shutter, and we couldn't. And big Ozzy was on. There was these big blue drums, big, massive blue drums. So we paled two of them. They get on the wall, they get back out again because we couldn't get the shutter open. We're fucking standing there right and we're going hurry up, the fuck, we'd stack these up. And Ozzy was going, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was crouching right. So the top one fell and he fell. But when he went into the second one he came out covered in cream. It was fucking cream. We called him the marshmallow man for fucking years, but he was covered Like. I mean, mean, he was like Mrs Dauphin, I'm.
Speaker 2:Mrs Dauphin, I'm one number two, the handprints roll over the fucking street. Where I'm walking down the street he's like how are fucking my men going to the?
Speaker 1:house, because when we got in there there was big tubs of jam. We thought they were paint. That's what they looked like big plastic big industrial thing we got them open and they were all jammed.
Speaker 1:I was like what the fuck smell of sugar in them? And we did something for fucking everywhere. And then what they done was they all our mates had a like a load of jam all fucking through down this big corridor and then they were getting like plastic hang lids, running and sliding on. They were coming out stinking every single day. Man, I was fucking ready for the hills. He was going to bait me to death and then we had all the boxes tipped off. We loved it. See a crack? We got down there one day. We were all in it. Next thing I seen smoke. One of the lads burnt. It burnt the whole place. The ground fire we used everywhere.
Speaker 2:We blamed we shay, we probably got to blame it there was a wee lad at going into the Grantsy.
Speaker 1:He called his brother Patrick I forget their shark name, paddy. He used to drive Morbicks. His wee brother Shay. We blamed him. I thought it was him. Everyone was saying it was Shay, he was younger than us. He was about a year to younger than us. We were going fuck Shay. The place went smoke the whole. Fuck Three box smoke the fuck. We went the whole lap. A fire brigade of heroes on the news and everything. No one was saying anything and and I found out over fucking five years ago, it was two of my good mates.
Speaker 2:They burned it.
Speaker 1:It was Sean Marty and Rackley burnt the pollock shirt.
Speaker 2:That's tooting, Sean, I know so fuck their sackings.
Speaker 1:And I was in that with the real names, but I was like fuck me that to blame.
Speaker 2:You come to the jail. You'd fuck all the do. People don't understand. These were all things that you done just because you'd fuck all the do.
Speaker 1:We used to boot hop. We used to get on the back of buses and do the boot hopping and all, and then it went on to like pub plants In the snow. Would you ever hang on to like a bus shop?
Speaker 2:The bus shop, hang on to it in the snow and it used to just drag you around big Belmont. And he says, I fucking, I used to do the boot hop. And he says, did you fuck? I says, actually they sealed up the boots and we used to take the number plate out and just hold on and he went. So you would just hold on to your legs, like, and go the whole way. And what happened was when you.
Speaker 1:You never once thought you were in danger.
Speaker 2:You didn't give a fuck you didn't give a fuck tap of what happened was. It used to go from the falls, it used to go past on the park, so you get on double park and used to stay on, and then it was to see who would stay on the longest. And what happened was used to open one of bypass and the deal was when it turned in mobile, the motor bypass at the top, turning up on the country road you bounced off and, uh, I remember one time me and my mate. He was like I'm standing on.
Speaker 2:I'm standing on and we held on, seeming to get on the country roads. Fuck me, fuck me, aye.
Speaker 2:It was dead on when I was on the fucking Glen Road and all seemingly to get up there Like it was fucking even going up on the bypass it didn't go bad quick, fuck me, your man. Flew around all the fucking we were. When we get out the fucking Crumlin or Glen Evie it was, and I was like, oh, we're getting at home. It was a nightmare but we done that. And then it was poke phones. I had a hell of one. They said I was poke phoning on Magalanes. There was a driver called speedy, which was his name right, and we went oh, we'll get on the back of one of these things here near Kilders. He swung, swung out onto the fucking Glen Road. We've been fucking flying near Kilders and then so what happened with the fucking?
Speaker 2:so I said to your man in Balmoral, and he's like hi, fuck head how long he says you'd how long the car and go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he went right. He had a Belmont car like a big boot and I had a tow bar. I got on the back and I put my fingers in the boot and he went, are you sure? Then I'm like aye. And he fucking went on the motorway from fucking Baltimore Red and seeing halfway up the west. Now I was going. I can't hold it anymore, the fucking wind and the cold and it was summer, with the fucking wind I see in my arms.
Speaker 2:I was going fucking hell and I was going. This cunt's going to drive the whole way to Lurgon or something.
Speaker 1:I remember he came off of Blacks Road.
Speaker 2:He came off of Blacks Road and he went down to the other thing and he spun around the fucking bus terminal on the back of Ladybrook and I fell off. And he was like you're a mad cunt and I was like fuck, I'm never doing that again. The whole way from Baltimore up there. And I remember I tell my wife going up on motorway I was going I ain't gonna fucking die, I ain't gonna fucking die.
Speaker 1:There was like there was times where we like we had a few of the lads, we there were people done that love, like just happens, like where's the bus shop? See, the bus shop had a marriage. We told one of the ladies to drive a bus shop, jump on the back of the bus shop, fly over, turn for her and laugh and all and then see if he'd dig them around. A few of my mates were lighting big fires, phoning the fire brigade, so a fire brigade comes, so we could hop on the fire brigade and go down to Springfield and I was going, you letters and all fucking flat.
Speaker 2:I remember doing all that there was just no rules.
Speaker 1:It was just like Rod the prod stolen car. Come pick the fucking stolen car. Rod the prod, sit there do you know what I done.
Speaker 2:I done his birthday and then we jump on the back of his car he's trying to get the office swinging.
Speaker 1:What's that I done? His birthday party, does he? Yeah, I haven't seen him in fucking.
Speaker 2:I done his daughter's wedding the day after the wedding at their house. They lived up in Seinfeld and I remember being at the house and then we got fucking yawning and I looked and there was a big picture on the wall of the Rod DeProd, the fucking Cades, fucking lawyer, rod DeProd. And he went. So he says I worked. There was three drivers. He says I worked for him. He says and I used to go in To get the stolen cars. And he says so Rod owned it. And then there was Two other drivers as well.
Speaker 1:I was like it used to happen. That was him. Caps were like it was always there with him and then they were Fucking trying to get you off and he was driving.
Speaker 2:That was like a Mad Max Laurie, do you remember? Because it was all.
Speaker 1:Cases all there? No it. It was just a wee toll king just pulled you, but it was a cage fucking.
Speaker 2:My Max fucking Laurie come in but he says the whole way to the Troubles they were coming in like and saying they were just getting attacked.
Speaker 1:People just got like. You don't imagine a kid walking down the street and having thrown a stone at a cop car. They wouldn't do it.
Speaker 2:I know they wouldn't do it and that was just like second nature. That was just normal.
Speaker 1:That was See, if you she be, then throw a cap, she be then throw a stone at the cap, car you were a faggot, that's what you were looking for you were a fucking faggot, moe Jansen saying for fucking Rangers.
Speaker 2:And I went out in my full gear out on this street and I must have fucking, I don't know, I think I just gave them the fingers, but I must have threw something or something. The cap got out fucking, slapped me and he fucked me over the wall and I was only seven or something, like I remember. One of the men in the street came out. You alright, paddy, you make a round and tell your mum and dad. But even the man was scared.
Speaker 1:I was first time getting arrested. I was 13 and I was walking down the road turf all my be, pulled the car with the road sign off. It was like a road sign I had at my house, triangle ones. No work going on. I lifted it and that's when I had boom, broke my wing mirror off a cab jeep and bolted on the bottom shafts. The cabs drove down straight on. Anyway, I took my jacket off, took my hat off. I was wearing a baseball cap and a jumper. I took it off and started playing football. So it was me.
Speaker 1:I drove straight in boom, arrested me, stuck me in the back of the car or back of the Peter Jeep and drove me over to Antrim Road custody. And I went fuck, my dad's going to beat my ballocks in here, like, and the fucking, they couldn't put me on a cell, I was too young. So the phone they got my house number phone, my house phone. My answer Sean's been arrested. And I was like what? And I could hear him because of the phone from the back of the jeep and fucking, my dad came over and I was going they're fucking moving out on the road because they mean my dad's going to kill me here like he donned her in what the fuck? Get him off, get them fucking on, calls off him now, you fucking black bastards.
Speaker 1:And I was like fuck. And I was like fuck, I was shaking myself and he's going to kill me and he's like they hurt you. Did they lift their hand? Yeah, fuck. And he's going mad at the cabs. He does. And he's like don't fuck. And he goes. Did you tell him, zane? I mean, what do you mean? Tell him, I mean, he was fucking, like I'm only 13.
Speaker 2:And he's like I done, the Hail Mary.
Speaker 1:Wasn and I was like, oh, it wasn't me, I didn't do it. And he's like, yeah, and then he just pulled me out. He's like, and we're like, oh, he's getting cautioned. He's like he's getting fucked up, I ain't gonna hang it in the peace onwards, man. I didn't know what was wrong. Then he didn't shoot at me Like I was loving it, cause I thought he wouldn't get that. Back at the day they tortured me.
Speaker 2:They absolutely tortured me. We hung about in the Glen Road. All the railings went up. The doctor said we put railings up. We were mad. We were in every building you could get into. So all the solicitors got railings everywhere. And then there was the field. So they were like stay in the field and don't, don't fuck about, you know. And the pillars used to go see if they were in that field. We're not going to bar, do you know anything? And I remember one day we had a fucking ghetto blast and we were fucking yeah, fucking lit a fire and we're all, we're all shooting. And the guy tell about a lamb to clap. Next, there's somebody coming. There's somebody coming. Normally it was somebody's dad coming to get them. And we were all standing there and the next man was like fucking, I hate the fags, I hate the drag. And the dark came down and I remember fucking going because I knew exactly who he was right. And my mate went to me and one or two of the boys didn't know and they were going.
Speaker 2:And here's us that and he came over and he went lads, listen, I've moved into that wee house here and I back all of this and I don't want to hear this. So is there any way you can turn the radio off? And we all just went yeah, you fucking turn the radio off. I remember him walking away and somebody going I hear fuck, turn that fucking radio off. And we were like fuck up, do you not know who that?
Speaker 1:is.
Speaker 2:They were like no, and they didn't know who he was and I went, that was it. So we were like if he's moved in there that's the field done. That was it. We were like that's it. We moved behind Curleys. After that we just went fuck the yard, curlies got it. Oh we moved into the industrial street behind Curlies. We just went. We can't be on Burr.
Speaker 1:No, fuck out the yard.
Speaker 2:But it was one of them ones that fucking things happened. Remember, we lit a fire one time down there. This was fucking class and one of our mates, barney, threw a plastic bag on it A carrier bag and a plastic bottle but didn't the fucking plastic go into his eyes?
Speaker 2:and it melted the front of his fucking the skin off it. So he went to the hospital and they wrapped him up and he wasn't allowed to expose his eyes for fucking, say, a month or something. So his ma and da were actually sound, you know, and they lived right the house, right at the fucking park up where the bus station was, and they were like you can come round and see Barney and I'm like, no problem, come on in. So we would go around and see Barney and we'd be like we're taking him out to the side for a wee bit of herb, we're going out for a smoke and they knew right.
Speaker 2:So we were at the side fucking smoking and Barney was like because I can't see. So we were like, no, doesn't matter what we put in his mouth, he's got a chance smoking, so start up with fingers. It was fucking everything party night. We need to stop. It's not like he was tall he got something else stuck in him. I just remember see you later mate because of you, because of you.
Speaker 2:Oh well, here suck that. Because of you, because of you, barnum Barnum. But it was class. Barnum was blind. Did he shake it after the month when he?
Speaker 1:got out. Oh no, he was down home.
Speaker 2:But it was just like for I think it was like four weeks he had to keep his eyes covered because the skin had come right off his eyes or something. I just remember the night it happened and he was like I can't open my eyes. And I was like, wait, he's open. He's like no, I were fucking yellow. I seen the blue and it was all like I mean, oh fuck probably the curlews bags were blue.
Speaker 1:Remember they were like blue and green the old plastic curlews bags. They had like green and blue in them.
Speaker 2:There's no blue carrier bag I remember fuck fuck, but he was alright. He was able to see now firework in the at the b.
Speaker 1:We actually were in Ivy. We had flowers every weekend, we carried them and it was always in and around us. Like September, october time, november, just one word of blue. Someone fucking banged into their firework Without saying anything, just on their way, and next thing you see there was fucking 20 of us standing in the fire, all stomping, moving. Next thing everyone was like what the fuck are you doing? And no one was saying anything. No one would ever say anything. And I was like what the fuck are you doing? And no one was saying anything, no one would ever say anything and I was like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:Some cunt's getting hit by a firework or a banger. We got a downpipe off a house we made like a handle out. We were putting rockets in it and we were shooting it at the fucking peelers and the bricks. And see when you think back you could't doing that now?
Speaker 1:No, fucking nuts. The cats wouldn't even know what to be like. What the fuck they doing they're fucking nuts you would be known as proper nuts if you had an eye.
Speaker 2:But back in the day you weren't nuts, no, no. In school you used to put bangers in the tins and light them, and then fucking people were getting sliced open. Ah so you took them all the way home the sharp tins and then fucking campuses, because I used to fucking stab you in the leg with a compass and all Aye Fucking some of the fucking things that was done, like this fucking mad Long gone then this, but you're probably near enough. What school did you go to?
Speaker 1:Corpus. Yeah, the Irish school, did you Aye?
Speaker 2:But Corpus were next door to us. I I went up the road like, but with the motorbikers it was fucking funny like and a farm. So if you were in the motorbike class you done motorbikes, aye the mopeds really.
Speaker 1:Or you get to sit, but the helmet was fucking hot, it was fucking terrible Because I remember, like all my mates I was only one of all my mates who went to high school and all my mates went to CBS. A couple of them went to St Mary's, but they all went to CBS and were all in the motorbike class. But I remember going See now when I look back I know why I was never allowed to go to any of them schools. They were all fucked. See, I had year group. I was going like it was Gary Davlin or Stephen, like two people really or just lunatics who were going absolutely nowhere in life, and you knew, yeah, that was first year. I remember seeing that first year I was going. What the fuck? That is absolutely insane.
Speaker 2:What primary school did?
Speaker 1:you go to Sadeen? No, I went to Bond School, Steve Agueva, on the Red Rock Road, right okay. And then I went to college, the first year of high school after secondary school. But I never really appreciated Irish back then. It wasn't cool. I mean, all my mates were fucking in CB or else in Corpus or in St Mary's or La Salle or something. I was the only one going to school. So whenever I got days off, our holidays were different from theirs and I was out on my own. I was done with my heading and I asked my dad for years I want to change. I want to change, I want to have a change. I've seen now and look back. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:I don't even appreciate having my Irish now but see, now I do and it's like cool, now it's starting to get. Oh fuck, my kneecap's made it cool, it's just grown massively, it's mad because the Leaving Cert's out today and I was actually. I was a question in the Irish Leaving Cert down south Because I don't like a gig in Irish. So that was one of the questions. It was like me and Des Bishop and Aidy McQueen and stuff like that, and now it's really fucking cool.
Speaker 1:It's massive. Everyone wants some Irish, Everyone and I, like. I appreciate it more now that I have it, you know what I mean. And, like kneecap, as you say, they're one of the main reasons for it. People are singing that song in Irish and they don't even know what it means.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:Our comic, my wee nephew's talking, going what's this mean? And he knows every word, every single word. I go how do you know all that I mean? You know what that means he's like. I don't know what it's like, just remember. I go, just that's good as to have it and listen. We'll finish off here, probably because I know you need to go and get your results. Thank you, thank you for having me on it's been a blast in the past it's just a West Belfast.
Speaker 2:It's just a West Belfast 100%.
Speaker 1:Everybody talking about that do chat and I'm sure, loads of people will relate to most of these stories and be like fuck man when they watch me. Like man, we're out of cheese, man, we're out of the problem boot hopping getting the fucking bakery stuff fucking listen.
Speaker 2:Thanks for coming, no problem. Thank you, mate, appreciate it. Cheers later.