The Public Nuisance Podcast #067 “Doctors didn’t believe me” with Bernadette Hagans

Welcome to a new episode of The Public Nuisance Podcast with me, Sean McComb.

This week we welcome Bernadette Hagans to the podcast.

We cover first podcast nerves, accidental connections through gaming, custom lobby chaos and competitive Call of Duty, becoming a mum and growing up in a big family, engagements and taking your partner’s surname, secret families and wild ancestry discoveries, boxing tickets and missing out on big fight nights, why boxers are far less media-trained than footballers, falling into sports presenting by accident, life before illness, losing a leg to cancer after being dismissed by doctors, phantom limb pain and learning to walk again, becoming the face of major campaigns, skydiving without a prosthetic, why theme park rides are suddenly off limits, helping kids feel confident with prosthetics, mental health in Belfast, living with perspective, adapting to motherhood after a C-section, running with a blade and the Paralympic what-ifs, using hardship to build confidence, creating opportunities from the worst moments,why life can change completely when you decide to stop being afraid and much more.

New episodes every Tuesday.

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Sean McComb

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Transcript

Welcome And Studio Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to the Public Nations podcast. We're here in Killing Studios where you can get all your content. Photo shoots and podcasts, video editing, whatever you need, we've got it right here. Is this your first thing done podcast?

SPEAKER_01 0:20

You know what? It's it's not actually it, but I'm trying to think back to what ones have done and I can't really remember what ones have done. My brain's so blank. I did ones like ages ago, whenever I just got sick.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Um, Zoom or something, was it no?

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Uh I think I think I've done like maybe two in person, but um I remember one was like an ad, so it wasn't really just me going on, it was to talk about stuff um before a brand. Um but yeah, there was one ages ago.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Like who isn't familiar with or isn't popular with amongst the podcast scenes, it's like fuck that's a good guest thing I'm gonna start going to, or yeah, like I've had someone on and someone's like he has a really good guest angle trying to get there. Can you shout me his number? Yeah, or like that, and then uh and then everyone tries to get it on.

Call Of Duty Friendships

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Yeah, there was a couple that I was supposed to like well, not supposed to go on, some that I had Grasco go on, but I um I ended up just never really getting the chance. Um like even um Throne and Tammy. Yeah, they had one before ages ago I was supposed to go on their yeah, um ages ago. Yeah, I don't know why, it never it never happened. I think I just never got the time. Yeah, they're flat out as well, to be fair. Yeah, a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Um Tommy they started now helping Throne train him, so he's like training and throne was training, and Tommy was on his phone and he was like, Do a warm-up. And Throne was like, What? Like, what what do you want me to do? But they're like best mates, so he's like, just do a warm up. He's like, Hang on home. So Throne stomach, they didn't speak for two days. No way, and they uh Tommy or Throne doesn't drive, so Tommy had to drive home and Throne had to walk the whole way home from our own.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Oh geez, no way. Oh no way. I actually only met them recently for like the first time. Um they were doing that for like their socials whenever they asked you to recommend like a food place. Oh yeah, yeah. So I that was my first time meeting them, but I had known Tyrone for ages and literally had just never met him. Yeah, I think yeah, but I had I had just yeah, I had just never ever met him, but but I think it's because of the way that I got to know him was so like random. We just never met. It was it was because of Call of Duty, so I just won't. So that's how we met each other.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

So he was flattered when we were in Dublin. He would have been flattered on Call of Duty. Yeah, I used to play a bit with them, so they were torching me to get a PlayStation. I was like, nah, I don't want to go to that rate. No, you get addicted. But you weren't sleeping. Yeah, you could addicted.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

It was so funny though. I think that's how I met like a lot of like sporty people from here. I think it was like accidentally, accidentally through that.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Um I was flattered on the case. Yeah, it's shit.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

I made a I made a montage before Mick though. Um I was in like a 1v5 first with him and like Ram McLachlan. Um I can't remember who it was, it was like loads of them. I think it was like Gulbraith and stuff, and um I I killed them all and stuff, and then you just heard Mick going like ah the bitch. It was so funny. Um but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Jay Walker, so you know Jay Walker as well. He was on the he used to play with them, but they all had this weak now group chat on. I was like, he's a little laser. I was on the chart. I was like, you don't fucking laser. And they were like, You need to get one, you need to get one. I was like, no, no, I don't. That's the last thing I need. Um but I remember Jay saying one of the lads was like shooting, and then their wife came up and was like, What the fuck are you doing? Like, turn it off, turned it off on them, they were going mad.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

You get addicted to it, but it's mad, but it's just it's such good crack, you don't even see the time. Like going back, I'm saying that I don't even play anymore, but um, whenever we used to play, we used to host these custom lobbies, and like all M's would have all fans and all, so they would all be like joining the lobbies, and it was so funny. Yeah, it was just the best crack. Um, because you miss it. Oh, we better I miss the custom lobbies, like, but I don't miss playing games.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Because people just become gamers now, and that's it, they love it.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Yeah, I was just doing it as like a we say request just for the crack. I was playing all like big competitive tournaments I competed and all like with all professionals and for like 75,000 and all. Like it was mad.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Like it's mad the money's involved, isn't it? I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

I've been doing all that.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

I remember my naffy, like it's something I was never into, it was gaming. Um I just didn't like the the fact that it took me away from like sport. I I know I liked it too much, you know. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

It's like it's like you just get sucked in, yeah. You just get sucked into it, but you don't see the time going, and then it's always like the next day you're like, Oh, I can't wait to go back on. And then you kind of just focus your day on it, and it's really bad. So I'm kind of glad.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Is that like do you felt like it was eaten into your like life?

Motherhood And Big Family Talk

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Like we bit like we built it before I would always be working during the day, and then at night it'd be like, Oh, I'll go on for the crack, and then it would play. And then if it came into like almost every night it was going on, um, but then before I just my baby, so I don't have time anymore.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Nice. Kids take over, kids take over ringing you've got one year old. Yeah. How does that treat you? How does life treat you being a mother?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Like it's it's the best thing ever. I I um I'm an older sister, so I've got a couple of big brothers, and I always knew that I wanted to be a mummy, so this was like one couple of years.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

How many siblings have you got? Four. Four? Yeah, one big brother and the rest are all younger, so I'm I'm all older brothers, and one younger sister, so I'm like second oldest.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Yes, I'm second old.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Sorry, second youngest. Sorry, I have three older brothers, yes, and me and a younger sister. Oh, okay. She's only sister and she's the youngest.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

So she's like me, but only I'm second oldest.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Yeah, reversed. Yeah, it's weird growing up with all brothers and stuff. No, we were actually talking about this recently. Um, obviously it was turned downstairs. My wife's expecting another baby, and people are like, Is that he's done? I want to have loads. Because I grew up with loads.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

She's like, No, we're done. Yeah. Because she's got her boy and she's got a girl now, and it's like, that's me finished.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

I think that'll be me.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

I would love to have loads, but then she's like, Oh, these fucking bills, like, we're we have to get the the attic extent or we have to get uh the attic inverted. Yeah, so much work going into the house now.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

And then kids are so much more like time and money than like people even realise. Like, I swear, like, there's a girl across the street for me and she has twins, and like every day I'll see her or whatever, and she'll be going out and she'd be looking gorgeous, and I'm there like a big, like a big stinker all the time. And I'm like, How are you doing that with two have that one? Like, I don't know how she does it, just class.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

But um, yeah, it's like but we we were saying what I was saying was how did how did our parents' days were like a three-bedroom or four-bedroom house, and it was five years.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Literally. My daddy's family, actually, he's one of ten.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

That's meta. Isn't that nuts? My my best mate, his his granny has twenty-three kids. Twenty three? She's twenty three and no way, isn't it? Twenty-three. Oh my god. So that's exactly what I was talking about yesterday. I was like, and they were like, What? That's nuts. I was like 23. I can remember. They lived in through flood, so like they put out a three, four bedroom max like what happened, like board at the same time. People in the shed. Yeah, just paper party of those on bodies like Oh my god. So it's like hard at this dude.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

It's insane to think about, like.

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Marriage Trends And Keeping Surnames

SPEAKER_00 6:49

I know, like it's it now that I'm older, but I think we're too spoiled now. Yeah. With l like access to life and life experience. Like we can go on holidays now. Yeah. So we see the money we can we we generate now through the you know the jobs that is available. Uh you know, it's just there's so much growth in Belfast now from what there was then. This week's episode is proudly sponsored by Surfshark VPN. Do you know what VPN is? Probably not, but I'm gonna tell you. Because I do. I use it regularly. Right. It allows me to surf the web without any skull dogger going on. It protects all my passwords to my online banking to all my socials. It allows me to do FaceTime in certain countries that don't allow it because I can change my location. So if you want to surf the web safely, I recommend you go to surfshark.com forward slash public nations for an additional four months on your subscription, and with that you will get all the security you want. Also, just a wee tip on this one, right? This is something I use myself. When you're looking for flights, change your location to another country, which you can do file surfshark and get your your flights achiever. What's not the love? Security and savings. Bang bang rechip. Surfshock forward slash public nations. Big shout out to that praise guy helping plenty of people when plenty of praises. Head on over to their page, see what's in store for you. Imagine you won. Imagine you won. You watch this episode and you thought, fucking gonna do the praise guy, you know what? I'm gonna do it now. And you won a big praise. All you have to do is buy me a paint. That's it. So head on over to their Instagram, check out their link, see what praise are in store for you.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

You know what? I seen a mad start. I f I don't know exactly, but it was like I think it was like by the nineties or something, 70% of women was they were married before they'd reached 30, and now it's like below 40%. So like girls now don't even want to be having kids and they don't want to be getting married and stuff. It's like loads of girls even want to get married, don't even want to take their partner surnames.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

It's like I know my my wife was saying the same.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Did she not want to take your surname?

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Because she works and um see this is where I call her, right? This is where women are like a bit fucking mad, right? She was like, I want to get married away, right? Mm-hmm. In the sun, in Italy, in the south of Italy, it would have been probably a fraction of the price that it cost us. She was like, No, I want to get married here. Cause I want to be I want it to be traditional. I want it to be traditional. She's Irish, she's a Gilgirl, she speaks Irish, I speak Irish, I was like, I don't care, let's just go away. Like who curs? And it's like, but then what about all our family? I mean, they can come if they want to come. If they don't want to come, then they're not that important to us, you know what I mean? But she was like, No, I want to do it the traditional way, got married in our an Irish church, and the the church my family went to our whole lives, and I was like, okay, let's do it. And then she was like, about the second name. And I want to keep my own second name. I was like, what happened to traditional? But uh no, I was like, so I mean, if you want to keep your second name, I got married away. No, but my work, my work, because she's a TV producer. Oh my crack that's wrong.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

My name like Oh, she doesn't want to lose everything she's built.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Just do it so nice, just double barrel. I was gonna say it's probably the best. When it suits, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

When it suits. Do you prefer those people? I just got engaged at Christmas and loads of people were asking. Thank you. Loads of people were sending me, you know, like am I want to keep mine? Because I'm kind of the same. I've built everything with my name. Yeah. But no, I love my surname, my my fiance's surname. Like, I can't wait. His surname is La Roche.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Oh, Leroy.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

And it sounds like French, doesn't it? No, he's not even French. Sounds kind of but my first name is French.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

How does that spell?

SPEAKER_01 10:44

L A space R O C H E. That's French. La Roche. I know I'm literally gonna be walking about calling Poudreau. I won't be taking his surname with the first time. Where did you just get engaged? Um just here, just in the house, yeah. Christmas, yeah. I was just sitting there with my baby and I was like, yeah, go make his cup of tea, and he went to make me take and come back with a ring. Yeah, I was not expecting it at all. I don't even have a ring on today to be fair. Um see he's from London. All right. And uh his week from Paris?

SPEAKER_00 11:11

I know it's just that family.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

You know the maddest thing? Speaking of Paris, is his family actually do come from Paris somewhere down the mountain. We did ancestry, and um, when we went back on it, his family comes from like he's a descendant of these like French royals or something. There's like a castle and all named after his family in Paris. So I was like, oh my god, that's that's his classic. Wonder what my history says. I found out that my one of my granddad's had a secret family in Birmingham, and I found out that he's a pure royalist. It's typical of me west bell phone. I couldn't believe it. It was insane. So now I've got all these aunt and uncles.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Now you're now you've got the best of all you're you're joying and what in class are is there, you know, just just moulding everyone to one.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

I can't believe it. Like whenever I seen it, I was like, oh my god. To be fair, my granddad, I haven't seen him. I haven't never met him before. Um, but I was wondering what hap whatever happened to him. I'm like, but yeah, I went to Birmingham and had a whole other family.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Crazy, you have loads of cousins.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah, that's for the meeting someday, and then one of them are shows where everyone's connected.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

That's when you like if you if you get really famous, then everyone's like, Oh, that's my cousin. That's my cousin. Do you know what I have people do at the meeting? Serious? Yeah, um my my grandfather as well, I never met him. Um he was from Sandy Row. And my old my my granny and all my uncles, and they're all from Palmurphy and Spring Hill, and they're all like Republicans. And my family from Sandy Roe or Macomb's also, and they were like, they're big supporters of Lewis Crater, who's also a boxer. And he's from Sandy Ro and I was at his fate, and then one of them stopped and said, Oh, get a photo, and like my cousins. I'm like, that's your cousin, no Davey, uh, that's Davey's brothers. And I was like, I don't really know who Davey is. I've never met the man. Oh man. He was putting right, I know what's listening. That was just out of respect for my granny and all the rest of it.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

But do you be getting tortured?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

He's like, You're claiming me now? Where were you? You know what I mean? So that's what's gonna happen with you once you once you make up and to present the world.

Boxing Night And Sport Personality

SPEAKER_01 13:04

To be first, sometimes we'll get random comments from like people I don't know on on like TikTok and stuff being like, Oh, that's my big cousin stuff, or like that's my big cousin. Really? And I don't know who they are right now because it'll be like user and stuff, so I don't know if he wants to talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

So God knows who it is.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

God knows, I know. But you went to the fight then, was that the one at Windsor, the last one? Yeah, I went to it. No, I wish I had been at that, you know. I love all the boxing and I feel like I've got to become friends with like boxers and stuff, like local ones. And um, I was like, oh my god, like this is where I work. I'm in Windsor all the time. This is gonna be class, but no, I didn't even go. Didn't get a ticket, so sad.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

I said, Well, no way, you should have used your contacts. I know, I should have asked, I know. And there was actually loads available. I know. Um I actually had a spur one.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

No way.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Big shout out to the Wing Society on the Lisbon Road, the best chicken tenders this side of the Mississippi. I'm telling you, finger licking? I'm telling you, nah, you'll not be licking your fingers. You'll be sucking them because that's that good. Do you hear me? Get yourself down to Wing Society, try out their tenders, try out their burgers, try all their sauces. On real. Because I got two tickets sitting ringside off my manager, and I taxed my brother and be like, My brother, I was like, it was my mummy's 60 for the same night, so they had a party up in Courtney. And they were like, You're not going to my 60 days. I was like, No, I'm not drinking, I'm just I'm gonna go all through my face after.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

So I taxed my brother and was like, Do you have a spur ticket here? Do you want to come or not? We're sitting like two, your wife in the ring, and he was like, Nah, I don't want to drink. I was like, right, okay. So I just went down and sat me on. No way. Um but I text another mate and he was like, it's too late, I'm sitting here while it's not on TV. By the time I got ready and drive down, and I was like, okay. I was I was crazy. So I drove after a fight, loads of traffic. I got in the car, parked at McDonald's, and drove up to Courtney Mona, blocked some downstairs, and my brother's doing a headstand, blocked. No way. It's too much for not drinking. The reason why you didn't come to Windsor was because you weren't drinking, and now you're up in the court in the mona doing headstands. So where are you going? It could have been a spare ticket there for you.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

I would have loved that. I think I would have like because I do all I would like always interview like footballers and stuff, and like that's just what I do. But I was like, oh, I could have like interviewed a couple people, that would have been so funny.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

But it'd be like it's a different way. It could have been a different way, like you know, a different wee path of maybe leading the boxing if you have an interest in it before you know it, like you I feel like obviously you're present, but I haven't even really touched on that yet, so that's class as well. Thank you. You could go down a route because you have that wee bit of like connection with the boxing through Call of Duty.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

I know how crazy.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Uh you could um interview boxers, but uh I I feel like you'll see a whole different side of sport and and personality when it comes to boxing because I feel like footballers are so reserved, like they can't like they're like so like media trained.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Yeah, I I found that.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Yeah, we're all self-employed, we just do and say what we want.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

And it's like people go people like often say to me, like, you need to tone it out a bit. Like your language is atrocious, so and I'm like, so your sponsors, I'm like, if they want to sponsor me, don't sponsor me, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

They're not sponsoring me, they're sponsoring their version of me they want me to be. Yeah, that's not me. Yeah, and I feel like boxing is very working class, so you'll get that.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yeah. Um that's one thing I found. Before when I started with NI, I um I was working mostly with the men's team. But then I then ended up going and working a lot with the women's team, and I found like you could see the difference straight away with interviewing them. They're all obviously legends, they're all really, really nice. And I've got on with everybody, but like the women are a lot um they're like more open and they're like more they're easier to speak to and stuff, and like you walk around like away past them and stuff, they'll be like, Oh, I've seen you on Instagram and like talking away. Whereas I think like the men are kind of just like, is that we done? So they're calling it. Yeah, they're like really strict, yeah. They're really strict with that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Like nothing it you need a bit of personality in the game, you know what I mean? So when you do get a bit of personality, it's like a bit I feel like that's completely gone out of the game now. Like, when's the last time you've seen a good, like a good like when you look back to like DeCaneo or Eric Canton and all these Roy Kings now, probably the only one who's given a bit of personality, you know. Yeah, it's gone. But it it it brings the best out of the sport, yeah.

Miss NI To Football Media

SPEAKER_01 17:08

You know what I mean? But I think I love I love the women's so much. I ended up taking a whole big step away from the men's side to be fair for ages there, um, and I focused solely on the women's, and I went over to like um Southampton and all for the women's euros because I qualified at the time and it was class because then I'm sat there and I'm with like all their families and like their kids and stuff, and it's like you see that whole different side, and it just feels like girls that just love playing. Yeah, um, but I just loved all that, like, but I just felt I fell into all that accidentally as well, to be fair. That was like so random. I um I got scouted from Miss Northern Ireland and I it was never something I wanted to do to be fair at the time. Like I didn't I had never even heard of it to be honest. Um but I was sitting thinking, right, this is like a beauty pageant or whatever, and I've never seen someone like me before doing one of them. So I was like, I'll just do it for the crack and see what happens and like show maybe that I can do it. Um but yeah, I ended up becoming the finalist and ended up becoming a runner-up as well, and I won the beauty with a purpose award and all in it. And I was the only I think I was the only ever finalist, to be sure, by Miss World, which is like the pageant that oversees it. So it was like a big deal at the time, it was nuts. Um but yeah, from that then Northern Ireland asked me to come in and do a promo video. So I went in and did a wee promo video, and I had never even been to a match before. Um, so I was gonna- That was my first match and stuff. We then recorded the promo video and it did really, really well. And the fans really liked me for some reason, so um came back and did more, and then they loved it again, came back and did more and did it again, and then next thing you know, it was me. I was in doing all the proper stuff with the proper setups and everything, because before it was like just us in a wee phone and just filming it.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Yeah, and then it was like was it nerve-wracking at first, like because of completely new to you? Because obviously it was by accident, like it wasn't like something you were doing. Yeah, it was do you know that you have one place and do something you're driven and you get there and it's like, yes, like if you were it's you're probably you're probably better off because there's no pressure on you.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

That's that's it. I've been into you completely like, well, this is a class, like I'm buzzing to even try this, like I I'm buzzing to even get like involved. So um yeah, I just went into it all excited and then I just found it really fun, so I just kept doing it.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

It's smart, isn't it? How life like how life where life takes you.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Um sometimes when you do put a lot of pressure on yourself to get somewhere, it's like every everything else is blocked out. All other opportunities are gone. It's like I need to focus on this one thing, and yeah, like it's like me with boxing. I I feel like I've got the podcast, I have a gym, and with a gym in the city centre, and boxing is like obviously my main thing, but it it takes pressure of me.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah.

Illness Sparks A New Mindset

SPEAKER_00 19:16

But I don't need to I don't need to achieve like I don't need to just put all the eggs in one basket because I enjoy doing this. This is like I love doing this. Um and then I've got the gym and that's like my bread and butter. It's like that's security for me regardless. Um and it like it it it definitely takes pressure of me because it's not like all like all or nothing, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

I think that's the best way to do it. You know what? Is I I didn't usually I used didn't used to see it that way though. It wasn't until I got sick that I started to like change my whole mindset because like I used to work in a bookies, I used to work in Sean Graham facing Kennedy Centre. And I I was like a manager and stuff as well, so I would like switch between there and the Anthem Road. And I literally just used to work and go home. Work and go home, didn't do anything. Always just thought like there's no point in me trying anything. I was really shy and stuff, didn't even like use social media or anything. Um and like I remember, you know, that some bed shop next door to the boogice, there was a person in there that used to do nails, and I remember I used to have to like sit and build myself up and all for like an hour before going in because I was so nervous I have to sit and speak to someone. Like I used to have really, really bad anxiety and all. Um, but then it wasn't until I got sick, and then I was like, I could actually die here, and I basically not even live my life. Um so after that, and then once I got my leg and all and got told it was all clear, I was like, right, that's it, I'm just gonna start trying everything. So if I just did, I ended up.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Like I I ha like not saying I have that mindset, but I I try and remake myself that everything I do is a privilege. Yeah. And I try and convince our gym members, like it's a fucking privilege that you can come in to this gym and squat.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

And it's a privilege that you can go run that no one else, like and it's like my friend Ran Curtis, he he I always listen to him and he he had a freak accent to an MMA like two years ago and got paralyzed from a knack down and he was told he'll never walk again. And he's and he's walking and he's moving and he just I can't still audio, he'd be like, I will walk. Yeah, I will walk. And I went and visit him and he was like, fuck, he's never walking.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Is he a we have too?

SPEAKER_00 21:06

He's from Dublin.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Dublin.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

But he's good friends of ours, like he we matt, like my again, my mate brother was fucking this is a good story. I've told it before when he was on the podcast, but they were in Vegas for the Carl McGregor fit, and one of his his brother-in-law had like a cast on in one of those boots. Yeah, and my brother was doing his fit. He was like, What's wrong with that? No way, what the fuck are you doing? So like a big fight almost broke out. Oh shit. And then they were like, Listen, dad, we're here to fucking support Irish like an Irish fetter. That's before McGregor went off rails. Everyone just like, so they all became mates then, and then he came up to us and he went to my debut fight in Windsor, and then he went, and then we just all became really, really close friends, and we're still close friends.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

So I love that.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

He he he moved to Belfast then and joined the Fate Academy Ireland, and then he got fucking a freak accent in training. Someone relanded on his neck and broke like his word his C two and C three and tweaked his smell cord, and he got it.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

So scary, like how that does that.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

So he He's always someone out of getting going. He's moving now.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

I mean, against all odds. And he went and got stamp cell treatment all self-funded. And uh Columbia and stuff. So he he was able to go against the odds of just being a visible, like just land there.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

And we give him stick about it. Like we he jokes about it. He's funny. Like he would you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Yeah. Like I think that's the thing, but I think when stu stuff happens to you, like a lot of people will just expect you to just kind of give up. And whenever I was like learning to walk and stuff again, they told me it was going to take me like at least six months before I would even get discharged because I would have to learn how to use like a robotic knee and all. Because I got amputated through my knee, which means so I still have my knee kept, but then I can't use my my knee anymore because there's no leg to bend. So I have to every step I'm taking, I'm manually controlling this. So I'll focus on like my placement of my toe and my heel and everything with the foot. But they said they said it's gonna take me ages to learn to walk, and I've never gone into the wee physio part and stuff, and it was mostly old people to be fair, that like lost it from like diabetes and stuff. Um none of them wanted to try, they'd all just kind of like they had all just given up. They were just like, What's what's the point? Um so we'd all just sit there every day drinking their tea and their coffee and eating their biscuits and then leaving again. They just didn't care.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

They didn't even put the afternoon.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

Yeah, whereas I was in every day and I was practicing.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

And I was like learning it really fast. So they had me trialing all the different stuff, like all the different knees and different feet and all, and I was bringing in the heels and all. So I was walking in heels through the bars and used to it was so funny though, because they used to take the piss and say, My walk, because there's like styles of walk, which I never would have known before. But I I naturally walk with my legs really close together, which it actually isn't recommended if you have a prosthetic, because you can accidentally knock it and then chop all. Um but they were saying my style of walk is a catwalk, and it was so funny then. And then within a week, I think of me getting I got discharged in like a week um instead of the six months because I was just how fast you can just put things up.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

I was like, Darren you recommend like it's what it's gonna take six months.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Yeah. Like, and I was like, say, watch me. Um I ended up getting discharged really fast, and then I got signed with an agency and stuff, and then my photo shoots went like viral around the world all the time. It was Matt. And then I ended up on a show down south at the time, like not long after, and um I remembering it, they were like, Oh, do you have a name for your leg? And I was like, honest fat live TV, my first ever like live interview and stuff, and I was like, Oh my god. Um and the new Toy Story was coming out at the time, so I was like, Well, you know, like Woody and all, like a peg leg, I'll I'll call it Andy because the bottom of his foot says Andy, so I was like, my leg's called Andy, and then a week later I got booked and I was like the face of the Toy Story campaign and all. I had the maddest stuff happen whenever all like when I just lost my leg and just learned to walk, it was just like boom boom boom.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

You just like turning negative and they're positive, and really just wrap of it and it's just flow. That's classic.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Literally, I've done so much random stuff like since then. Um I went skydiving and all, like I raised one if I did skydive, and it's not bad. It's not for my leg. I know it was you know, it was so many. Like I wasn't allowed to wear my leg while skydiving because they said if it falls off, it could kill someone, which is true. I was like, but I didn't like think about that anything. You know, when another like people always ask me, is there any downsides to it? And I'm like, not really, there's not really any downsides except for probably like sturge because you'll probably notice coming up downstairs. I'll go up like a couple at a time, I'll skip them because I have to do them one at a time. But like fun first, like amusement parks, I can't really go on anything anymore. Why? Which I didn't realise actually until recently. Um I went over to Thor Park that had like a big Halloween thing on. We were like, oh my god, class. And because my my fiance's from London, he was like, Oh, I'm excited for you to try all these because he was there all the time growing up. Went there, was in the queues and stuff, and then they were like, get off, you're not allowed on that. I was like, What? So the whole thing, I was allowed on one thing and so I had singles and same thing. Couldn't believe it, but I think it was to be fair, I kinda it kind of makes sense now. At the time I didn't realise because I I also went to Disneyland a while ago, um, and I was on every ride there, and they didn't tell me I wasn't allowed. I just went on everything. But it makes sense. I think I shouldn't have been allowed because there were some of the rides and they had all these warnings and stuff. But see, because this leg is like it's hard, yeah, the bar can't close fully against me. It sits against me. So that's the thing. There was one of these rides, it was going mad. I remember it was like I whacked my head and all that funnel things. I thought it was gonna get knocked out, but like that's my own fault for getting in and probably shouldn't have. But I didn't know, they didn't tell me it wasn't allowed, so I went on it.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

There you go. It's their fault.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

I'd be knocked out on the bumper thing, but oh my god. It was like the the throw part thing, like at the time I was raging about it, but then when I deep didn't talk back about the porous thing, I was like, oh geez, it probably makes sense if they don't let me on it.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Nah, 100%. It's crazy. Like it it's it's obviously amazing that you've turned up like it's mad that your life may not have happened the way it is now. Yeah. Hadn't it have been if you lost your leg.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Literally, I know.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

So it's like it takes as I say it things don't happen. I always say it's things don't happen to you, they happen for you.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

And that's probably one of the things, like, where it's been like, whoa.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Like life's just crazy.

GP Dismissal And Cancer Diagnosis

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Yeah, it's definitely changed my life for the better. Like, 'cause even just like my whole mindset and stuff, because I was really just like obviously like I said, like really shy and all, and just would work, went home, and that was it. Just it. I just didn't want to try anything. Whereas now I'm like, life's too short, I'm just gonna try every single thing that comes to the case. I had cancer in my calf. Um, but it was a really like rare type of cancer. It was called synovial sarcoma, which I didn't even realise, but it's all to do with like your synovial flu or something. So it's called that, um, but it's one in one in a million, rarely. Um but at the time I had a whole big thing with the doctors. Like, I don't know if you know the story, but I'll tell you anyway, just in case. Um basically I started feeling a little like pain in my leg like the summer of 2017, I think it was. It was a bit sore and I noticed a wee tiny, tiny bump on my leg, but it was kind of like if you bump your head and you have like a wee tiny bump under the skin. It was like that. So just left it, but the pain was getting worse and the bump was getting a bit bigger, and I started to lose weight. So then when it came to January, it must have been about I think it was January the third, I think it was, because I have a sheet of paper about it that day I went into see the doctor and I was like, Look, I have this lump on my leg, it's hurting me, like it hurts to touch, um, I'm losing weight and stuff. And it was a wee student doctor at the time, and she was like, I'll get a second opinion. So she got in the head doctor, he came in and he looked at me and was like, There's nothing wrong with me. I was like, What about this here lump? Um, it really hurts. Told him the same thing, and he was like, Let me see, and he started squeezing it. And I was like, God, you know, that really hurts. And he goes, It doesn't hurt, it's fat. And I was like, I'm telling you that it hurts. Um, but he wouldn't believe me. He thought I was like made out that I was lying. And he left the room, and I remember going to the bigger, like, what's he's just what's what's just going on? Like, yeah, he's trying to say that that shouldn't hurt me, but it hurts, so what does that mean? Um and I remember she just like turned back to the computer because I think she she didn't want to like go against him because he was a hire doctor. Yeah, yeah. Um but sh he had told her to print me out a sheet of paper about fat. So um she just shrugged at me. I remember when I asked her, she just shrugged and she printed me out a sheet of paper, which is the only reason I know the date, but because I still have the paper. Yeah, um, yeah, and it's all about like lipomas and get like fat lumps and all this here. Um but at the time, which is actually really bad that he squeezed it, because I think when you squeeze a tumour, you can like activate it and make it worse.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

And that's bread.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Yeah, um, and the way that my tumour ended up being, it had actually wrapped all around like my nerves, my blood vessels, so it was literally just crushing my nerves when he was doing that. Um but yeah, apparently I was lying, so he didn't listen to me. And then over the next few months I was trying to make excuses to go back in to see them to be like, by the way, my legs are, can you just check it again? And every single time they were just like, He already told you, because he was like the one in charge. It was like he's already told you it's fat. So none of them would check me, wouldn't listen to me, and every single time I got sent away. Um, and then I remember one time I went in and um I asked to see them, and they'd be like, We've we've been telling you that it's a fat lump. Like, if you want to see us and you want to see us here properly, like book a double appointment. And at that same appointment, I remember saying, Okay, well, I'll book a double appointment, but can you come like please like at least help me with the swelling? Because my leg has started to swell. Like I was in the boogies, I used to wear a white shirt and black skinny jeans, and the my leg had started to swell like under my jeans and like over my shoe. It looked mad like my ankle and all was way swole-out, it was insane. And I was obviously in so much pain, and I was like, Well, can you give me something to help with the swelling, like compression tights or something? She was like, No, I think your skinny jeans are tight enough and give me a dirty look and all. And I was like, I can't believe this has happened. Yeah, um, because I thought I was just being a melter, coming back complaining for no reason. So they were just like being kind of rude to me. Um I was like, Well then can I at least have painkillers? And she was like, Well, what are you taking? And I said, Well, Garden Marks give me give me hers because she was giving me cocoa mall at Garda Mark. And um I was like, but they're not really like helping me all that much, like I've got like my own my own stuff. And she's like, No, that's probably all we can give you, just keep taking them. And I was like, Well, you're right now you recommend that I take someone else's medication as well, like what the hell? So I ended up going away and booked a double appointment, came back this time, and then she was like, Fine, I'll look at it. And um at that point she looked at my leg and it was like a big massive tumour, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

She looked at it straight away, felt it, and was like, um, I'm sorry, bring off the red flag you. I got red flagged and sent around to the royal. Um yeah. After this, it was like all sudden, like it was like so mad. By this point, by the way, it must have been about five or six months before they'd actually decided to look at my leg.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

Um and it obviously had grown by then.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

So I had it out the first time.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

I would still have my leg. Um because it was only small whenever they first seen it.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

By the time they went, You probably just cut it out probably, they actually cut the leg off.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

That's the thing, because by the time that they ended up scanning me, it had fully wrapped around everything. Um so the only option was either to try and cut it out, leave myself paralyzed, or and probably like let it grow back and get sick again, um, or amputate it all. And that was probably my best option. Um but yeah, went around to the Royal, had my ultrasound, and then they started all freaking out at the time, and then that guy got a second person in for a second opinion, redid the whole scan. They were all worried and said we'd just send you for an x-ray straight away. Went around right after that appointment, had my x-ray, and then they said I was going to be referred for like an MRI and a CT scan.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

So I did them, um, and then I remember saying I would get the results in like I think it was like three weeks or something like that. And then I was waiting, hadn't heard anything. Um, and then another week had passed, I think it was, and then I was ringing my GP and stuff, being like, Have you got my results? Like, I want to know what's going on. Like, no, we don't have them. Um said, Maybe try the royal. So I was ringing the royal, they were like, we can't give that information out over the phone, it's all been sent to your GP. So I was like, right, okay, just chasing it all up anyway. Ended up putting up outside work one time to open the shop and my phone rang from a with help number and they're like, You've got a tumour, you're gonna have to come in for a biopsy. Um so I found out I had a tumour then at that point from someone random. I don't even know to this day who it was. Mad. Um, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Like you wonder how many people in that same situation have probably died due to like just not like neglected negligence.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

I can't say it right now, negligence.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Negligence just not not just not doing their job properly and actually current enough to like check like check I know the the the resources we have aren't great and and the the NHS are probably on their knees. Why I don't fucking know, it's probably something to do with the government anyway, because they they've they've had the fucking answer for, but yeah. Like like you can't even get through your doctor now, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 32:15

I know you've rang like fifty times before you can even yeah, and then it's everyone's an attitude.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Yeah, like every every receptionist has an attitude. Hello, what do you want? Huh? Right, what can't we? I'm like, fuck and yeah, who you like just fucking hang up there and fucking stop. But uh yeah, it's everyone just has an attitude. It's a I don't even know what's a bell for or where's bell for the same as you ring for a chinees, I know we've got a lot of music, hello, what do you want? Second carry, what else? No, can't right, see that.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Yeah, everyone just wants to be out of work.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Yeah, but um that's mad. Like if you think about the amount of people who could have probably got earlier results and and maybe like you say, save the leg or save the life.

Phantom Pain And Prosthetic Choices

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Yeah, that's the thing. There was a girl um at the time I didn't I just kinda like, geez, I've got really unlucky here in this doctor's. I didn't realise at the time like how like bad it was that they weren't listening to me. Because at the same time I was a young girl and they just assumed I was complaining and just weren't taking me serious. But I didn't like deep it until like there's a girl that lived around the corner from me and her uncle was having the same kind of issue. He was gonna complain about stuff and they weren't listening to him. He ended up dying um because he ended up having cancer that they just didn't test him for. Um and they didn't find out till it was too late. So it's messed up. It is insane to think about it.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Crazy. Fuck me. Do you ever hang out have you ever heard of a thing called like phantom limb pain? Do you get that?

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Do you get that?

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Yeah, I have it right now that you're saying whenever I talk about it, like I'll start to feel it. But it's like it's not hurting me right now. You know what I feel? It's like, have you have you ever broke a bone? Yeah, it's like it's kind of like my legs in like a plaster porous, is that how I say it? Plaster porous? Like a cast, it's in like a cast right now, and it's just all like pins and needles like that. That's mad, but it's not there. No, it's not there. No.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Do you know it? Have you ever heard of it?

unknown 33:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

It's the weirdest thing, but like you'll get like random pains and stuff from it, like the actual pain part. Um, but it's even that it's like so random, like you never know what it's gonna be. I've had random ones where it feels like my toes are just getting broke, um, or it's like getting hit with like a hammer, or sometimes I'll feel my tumour pain again, even though obviously it's just not there. Um but the worst part's the itchiness. Like, it's like the most intense itch you could ever have in life. I know there's nothing you can do about it. I know I'll be sitting scratching my head or legal, hoping that I can get rid of it.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

I haven't I've I I've obviously heard about it and I was like, Mother, like, how is that true?

SPEAKER_01 34:25

I see whenever they're kind of wrong. Because it was there before and it was like Yeah, so your brain still associates the ending of those nerves with being at like the end of your legs, or your toes. So your brain is like associating that. So I'll feel probably something more the more than amputated it, but it's my brain sees it as my toast. Yeah. So if I get pain there, my brain just trying to.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

He's done like a master's in Shakazi, he said he'd done a thing on it before. And he was saying, like, there's just practice you can do, you can sit in the mirror or something like that. Yeah, mirror therapy. I've heard what people used to rack around with me.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Because like you can do that, or you can put it in like um like ice and stuff to try to make your brain like realise it's the end of it and stuff as well. But yeah, nothing, nothing ever worked for me. Um, I had really, really bad phantom pain for ages, and I still get it really bad to be fair, but like I've I've learned to manage it a lot better. But um, yeah, even like the same GPs, I don't feel like I'm talking about MGP does, but like they put you on medication obviously when you get your leg cut off to like help with the pain. Yeah, obviously, like, but they also gave you tablets to help with the phantom pain. And I didn't realise how serious my phantom pain was gonna be until I woke up from my surgery, and then I remember like, yeah, so I remember just waking up and um they were like vibrant at you in recovery and stuff, and I just I was all out of it, obviously. And I think I tried to open my eyes from the night seen o'clock, so I just started feeling like it's the fan of the So I just started like singing all over the place, and then they were like, um I remember feeling like okay, right, we're gonna move you.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Um you were definitely on great.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

I I was like, well, I was like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 35:42

That was the ground he wasn't even when they're gonna build them.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Like it's so weird because it's like so blurry to me, but obviously because I was just out of it. But I remember like trying to open my eyes and seeing like it's like a load of nurses all at the side, and um they were just trying to bring me away somewhere, and I remember being like, Am I gonna go and get my leg cut off then? And they were like, You've already had it done. And I didn't realise because I could still paint my leg. Um but then whenever I was running in the wee room, um, my leg was stuck bent. You know, when you sit with your legs like this, like bent, yeah. I was laying on the bed, but my leg was bent, so it felt like it was going through the bed. So I was so uncomfortable. I was like, I was like, I can't lie down comfortably because my legs go through the bed. It was so weird, so that was like stuck like that for like a week. It's a nightmare. So weird. So I'm gonna go back to the case.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

One of my cousins, he had he got his leg cut off. No way, but it wasn't serious. It was too like drugs, but he uh he phoned me a couple weeks ago. Well, it wasn't a couple weeks ago, it was probably about two months ago. And then he phoned me and he was in a party and someone stole his leg and he couldn't get home.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

No way.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

I was like, well, that's ever happened.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

That's never happened to me. Do you know how expensive like legs are? Is he above the knee or below the knee?

SPEAKER_00 36:42

Below the knee.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Below the knee. See, like prosthetic legs are so expensive, like it's insane. Because when you put in all like the hydraulics, all the knee and ankles and stuff like that, they're like is it like so see, like you were saying, it's like uh is it like I don't know what you were saying earlier.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

It's like is it automatic or something?

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Like you can get you can get ones that are automatic, so the top leg, smile you can get like top leg a new phone, it can be like the top of the range, like call me the cookies with my top leg. Stop the please bring me the top leg. The the one that's like top of the market, everyone tries to get, but it's like I think it's like 50k or something like that. Um but it's called a sea leg, and that's me just guessing the price, but I think it's around there. Um but it's it basically walks for you, so it predicts like your your movement stuff, so it thinks you're gonna fall now, it'll lock out.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

Does it connect or not? I don't fully know.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

It's got like USB ports and all on it, but so like you can charge it and all charge your phone. It's so fancy. Um, but yeah, that's like the top one, but that one walks for you. But I've I he always I like being in control of my leg, like I like being able to make it walk the way that I want to walk, and I think that I make it walk more naturally that way too. Because whenever I was learning to walk, I remember them being like, You're probably gonna have a limp and all. And at the time I was like, No, I'm not, I'm just gonna just learn this properly. So I got out of We Board and I started practicing my balance and all to make sure I was putting my weight through equally on both my legs because I was like that way then I'm putting trust in it and I'll walk more naturally. Yeah, I was figuring out which shoes not work to make me like move like smoother, so like shoes with the with a bit of a heel, like um like I think that's falcons, for example, like just like a random shoe, but like they have a bit of a bump on the on the heel, so you can walk really smooth with them.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

So yeah, I just started practicing with all them and all, and I I just my like a good mindset when you didn't even realise you're seeing you were a scared of when I get on, you have a good mindset all along.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

That's it, but um but the side you don't realise how strong you are till you have no what is it until it's been your your only option or something like that? Um but I think that was it. But yeah, the my leg I fully control it myself, so I'll go on the toe to make a bend and back on the heel to lock it out.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

So you'll go like yeah rather than the other way. Like if I walk, I start with my heel.

Running Blade And Paralympic Dreams

SPEAKER_01 38:35

Yeah, so yeah, so I'm like so focused. Every single step I'm taking, I'm manually doing that. I'm manually focused on my placement and stuff. Um but I have a button in my ankle as well, so just it looks like an ankle, but I'll push mine in and then I can adjust the foot as well for one heat. So that's why I wear a boat. Yeah, yeah. So it's not like the stuff you can do with it.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

Do you still do you still train? Do you do any training?

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Um well I've got a blade. Oh dear. And remember you were saying that like people in your gym, like you don't realize how lucky they are to be able to run and stuff. I had to fight so hard to qualify for a blade. Um they gave me like a like a kid's training blade, which is like we tiny one at the time to try to learn to run. I remember I brought it over to the Mary Peter's track and my first attempt at running was like videoed, and um it was mad because then Team GB got sent it and Team Ireland got sent it, and they all started like asking to meet me and all because they wanted to train me for the Paralympics, from me just running on the wee runner like. So then once the hospital once I found out about that and like all the information got passed across and people were interested in me, then I qualified for the Blade because then I could potentially train for the Paralympics. Um so I was looking into all that and stuff, and the way that I wanted to do it, if I was to choose, I was going to choose Team Ireland. Yeah. But then you would have to go down and train in Dublin, and I wanted to be in Belfast. See, I wanted I would have had to do that, but at the time I was like, I need to be in Belfast um because I was like helping with my brothers and all those at the time. Um and then obviously England, you have to be over in England, um, which just wasn't really an option for me anyway. But um, yeah, I remember being like, oh, if there had been at the time, if there probably if there had been like a training thing here where I fully could have like dedicated my time to it, I probably would have been doing the paralympics.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

Yeah, it's fun, isn't it? Because it was Team Ireland, there was no team NIC was Michael McKillop and stuff. I know Michael McKillop, you would have trained with us up in Jordanstown. Um and Jason, what's it called? Jason. But they won't Olympics, they won goals anyway, they get to run. But it was like but we we've all had to drive to Planters Towns, it's Team Ireland, there was no team NIF Olympics, you know. That's it. That would have been mad, it would have been in a mad story.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Well I've still got my blade, I'm actually getting it refitted at the minute, so whenever it's all refitted, I'll probably actually go back and try and run again and see what it's like. Um but yeah, at the time, to be fair, whenever I was learning to run and stuff, there was a wee local girl to be fair, um, like a local woman, and uh she was she had like a running club at Mary Peter Track, and sometimes I think it was like once a month or something that like people with disabilities would come in and like practice stuff, but it just wasn't like proper, like one-to-one full training, do you know what I mean? And like she was brilliant, like to be fair. Um, and I'd actually love to probably train with her again, but I know it wasn't really fair on her to put that pressure on her to just be the one to teach me everything because like it was new to her as well. Um so I was thinking the right place probably is dumb, but yeah, it's just not possible. And at the time then I was kind of deciding between not and doing Miss AI because I was getting kind of offered both. And I did miss and I find it that way, yeah. And then I'm from Miss NI, I did NI football, so it's all random.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

It's all this round, it's round, it's all like worked and like it's all like it's it's almost like it was meant to be for you, like an interaction you're at, it's like and then now you're you're you're obviously happy doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Yeah, it's so fun, like it really is.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

It's when you look at your life before, just from sitting in a booty nine to five, being like, get me home.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Literally.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Like being so shy, and then like I even for like example this year's example, like I I booked a Kirk Eiger campaign before. Um if you heard of Kirk Eggger, it's like a designer kind of brand.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

There's one Victoria Square downstairs, isn't it?

Charity Boards And Mental Health

SPEAKER_01 41:43

So they booked me for a campaign before, and I was gonna be like the face of this year's campaign, and I did it. Um the campaign did so well, like that the CEO and stuff was telling me, like, oh my god, like you've done better than our like celebrity endorsements and stuff. Like, this is unbelievable how well this campaign has done, like, this is amazing, and we're gonna continue it on. So they started getting other people in and telling their stories too after my one. Um, but yeah, it did really well, and they knew that I was all into charity stuff because I was constantly raising money for like Cancer From Children and Young Lives versus Cancer and all that, all that there. Um, and I got the Diana award too for like the fundraising that I was doing. Um, but they decided that they were gonna start their own charity um called the Countess Foundation, and then they ended up saying to me that they wanted me to become a trustee on the board. So I'm the first ever and the first ever um independent trustee on the board. So I'm on this board now with like the CEOs of like CEO and like all the people that run Kirk Eggger now.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Um and we've got board meeting and throw a leg up on the table.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Literally, but it's like it's these people that are like amazing, they're so talented and they're so lovely. And then it's like I'm just me from West Belfast, like it's mad that I've even got the chance to do this, but like we've started a whole academy now, like a whole like creative academy. So like people that want to get into like fashion design and start their own brands and stuff like that. We get them in and we get them like all the qualifications, the full training, like all mentorships, we get them jobs with either with us or other designer brands, and we can also give them the funding then to start their own labels. Um you do all that, um, but there's so much more. Like, we also donate money to like all these other charities and stuff if they're using creativity in a good way, yeah. So it doesn't even have to be fashion and stuff, but yeah, it's like things like that. So that's class.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

I've seen you promoting uh the West wellbeing as well, the walk of darkness in the lane. I don't want to say myself, Jeremiah did a great job of it. He's so nice.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

Yeah, he reached out to me um and he was like saying about the whole thing and stuff, and like I think mental health is kind of all around all of us, especially in West. Like I've had multiple cousins and stuff that have committed suicide. So, you know what I mean? It's just like it's like everyone just has like everyone relates, I think. So um, yeah, as soon as he matched up, I was like, Yes, like of course, like I'm getting involved because why wouldn't it? So I've just been trying to talk about it a wee bit for him.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

But I know no, I'm Sam, I'm actually going to do it. I'm gonna send I've sent away link in the art group chat to register for for like all the gym members because we've got 140 gym members again. So hopefully, like it's hopefully a few sign up will try and try and push them to do it.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

That's the thing, but like I it wasn't until I was I went and met up with him and um I was asking like all the stats and stuff because like I knew it was bad here, but I didn't realise how. Bad it was. Um, but it's like the Belfast Trust I think sees the most people like reporting mental health issues and stuff. Um, and so obviously Belfast is the worst. And then with Northern Anna be a part being a part of the UK, we have the worst rates of it all. But but then we have the least funding. So it makes it doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

It doesn't add up, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Doesn't weigh up that we we we're getting the worst cases but the least money to the least resources to like there's not enough resources here, even the and like West I think West Well being are so like not self-funded, but they're not like you know they're willing to save half as much as exactly yeah most most of what they do is they're fundraising and people like just trying to raise the money for them, so yeah, like they need all the help they can get. So I've just trying like I don't know how much I can walk it, I'll be trying my best. I claimed more mountain before one time with the legs that were too big for me, so yeah, just for the g for just for the crack, but uh um yeah, so my song, it's classic.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

If people that's the one name hangs where like it's good to like put like for me, if I if I was using uh like an example to someone say, Fuck shake, like burnt out soon, I just got my leg come on.

SPEAKER_02 45:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Like people like to complain to easily. Yeah. And then like I always like I do the opposite. I be like, I I don't complain about anything. I'm like, just and sometimes when I do complain I cast myself on. I very like quickly cast myself on be like fuck's sake, it's a privilege. No like no I I complain most about the weather, right? But it's like I often cast myself on be like fucking people humble. Yeah. And I'm complaining about getting in the like car wet. And like fuck getting in the car and it's freezing, I'm like, oh no, turn the heated seats on, like I need the white mess, I need a white manacking. Like that's just a really sudden reminder. Yeah. But people just always had that reminder of like there's always someone worse off, like always.

SPEAKER_01 45:43

To be fair, I think that's why I handled getting diagnosed so well. Yeah. I um I went through the whole thing on my own, so then when I got diagnosed and all, I was by myself and I went out to my car and I recorded my reaction to finding out that I had cancer. So the video's out there. Um, but even in that video, I was like, Well, I've had 22 like good years, so first comes to worst, like it's fine. Um and I was like, but I think I can do this because like those kids and all that can do it, and if they can do it, then I can do it too. And I was like, I was just kind of saying it that way. I was like, well, I can't really complain. There's wee kids to go through this, like they're handling it, so I'll do the same.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Um, but yeah, I think it's I don't I have a mate, I just I haven't made I've seen last night in the garage. You may have seen my Instagram story, I don't know if he's daddy's spoon, right? He's a he's a lunatic. I grew up on him, but he was in jail now, he was stealing cars and he was bad boy, like I seen him last night in the garage for first and a bit uh a good bit like a good weight, he lost a lot of weight. I said, Fuck me, Spoon, you've lost some weight, but he's always hipper. He's dead, he's really hasty. He has been from his kid, like and I says, Fuck me, Spoon, you've lost some weight. So I was recording him going check his pockets and all check it. And he was covering his face. Oh my god. And he says, You've lost some weight, and he's like, I've lost 10 stone. I mean, 10 stone. And I was I tend to stone me, what are you doing here, training? He says, uh. And he was walking out and he was so severe, and he was like, Nah, me, what's wrong with me? He's walking out the door of the moon in garage and he was like, Um, the cats are coming here on Monday. I was like, serious? Here he was, I hit me, but I guess it is there like a scar or something. He was like, I don't know, but here I've done my work for the community. I just bust out laughing. I was like, What the fuck? Oh my god, no way. He just he literally just burst out laughing. He was like, I've done my work for the community. I was like, You've done the opposite of your work for the community, you fucking hunted the community and he just walked away, and I was like, Fuck me. So I was out. I was actually out of bed last last night thinking, but I'm going like, I hope there's nothing wrong with him. Like from the last time I seen him, he like he's lost something like the way it licked. And I know Spoon doesn't train, like you know what I mean? Even the name Spoon spell fast thing, like but uh I was like, fuck man, and then I was sending up the send it to her last name. He's like Spoonish, maybe end up with cancer, like he's lost fucking ten stone. Like it doesn't have to be a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

I've done like six times whenever I got it.

Custom Prosthetics For Confidence

SPEAKER_00 47:56

But the way he reacted to it was like he was like so severe, he's like, Oh, because I said you train on them, he had no cancer, but he said so late, no green cancer cleaning Monday or something. And I said, but I says a score and he went a screw and he went, he'd be like called his ear and he went, I don't know, here I've done my work for laughing and saying his pal doesn't even know that's here like he didn't say that.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

I feel like more and more people are getting diagnosed here. I don't know if it's because like more awareness is getting raised or whatever, but like so many people are getting diagnosed. See, I started a company basically with with my friend Carson, and we basically customise like disabled dates, so like prosthetic legs, arms, wheelchairs, walking sticks, everything. We do them all. Um, because whenever you like lose a leg and stuff, you don't get that option. You're kind of stuck with a hospital kind of one. And with a leg, you can have like skin colour or a basic colour, or like you can get a jersey or something molded into it. Yeah. But then you're stuck with that design then for years until you pretty much like break your leg or outgrow it or something. Yeah. Um so you can't customize it. So we've started making it possible. And for years there, we were just doing it for free for people like all around Belfast when they were like kids lose a leg and all, or like just anything, even though it's like illness and stuff. If they'd lose like a limb or end up in a return and stuff, we were always just customising them completely for free. Um but we're still we're still kind of doing that to be fair for like local ones. But we had we had to reach a point where people were literally flying over to get it done. Um, so that's why we decided to start the company. We designed a template um and now we sell that template around the world for people to customize their own ones at home. So we basically spent years helping people for free, but also then designing something that works really well, that we know works really well, so like it's really easy to use and all and um bubble-free and everything.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

And we can how often can you change the design?

SPEAKER_01 49:34

I change mine like multiple times a week, sometimes a couple times a day.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

All the time. So how how so if people get theirs customized, is it like permanent or well they can take it off, it takes me like two minutes to take it off.

SPEAKER_01 49:49

Um so we it's just having that that choice then. So it could last them years if they wanted to, but they could they could change it multiple times one day if they wanted to. But what should I do? I had whenever I did my CNI, I wore a rose gold dress, so I had my leg all chrome, rose gold. I did the same thing. Um I walked in London Fashion Week, and um at the time they wanted my leg in like a pinky color, so I did the same. I got rose um chrome gold because I was like, that looks so class. So but yeah, it's just having that choice. But even with saying that there, um that's one thing we found. We're noticing a lot of young people and stuff that are getting diagnosed and losing limbs and stuff. There was like three there at the end of last year I found out about a 15-year-old, 16-year-old, and 17-year-old all got cancer from Belfast. Yeah, and all lost limbs. So we're helping them stuff now, whenever because see the difference it makes for your mental health, because like that's one thing. When you lose your hair and all from like with like your treatment, your treatment, um, you'll be offered wigs and stuff. But whenever kids lose a lose a limb, there's nothing to really help them like deal with that. It's just kind of like this big prosthetic leg that doesn't look very like nice. Um so a lot of them would like fear it and dread it and stuff. Um I found out with a V-boy called Samuel. Um whenever uh whenever he was 11, he was in school normal, COVID happened. During COVID, then he ended up finding out he had cancer, started treatment, so lost all his hair, um, lost his leg too, and then by the end of the year, um he'd still gone through his treatment and he was invited back into the school. All the kids were for picture day. When for picture day, and none of the kids would speak to him because all of a sudden he looked different. Yeah, but it's like they didn't know how to how to approach him because he looked different, and they didn't know what to ask or like how to handle the situation because he was in a wheelchair and stuff. Um so for kids they just didn't understand it. But then for him, obviously, that was really, really hard to handle.

SPEAKER_00 51:25

Of course, absolutely that young easy.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

That's the thing. Because and then like for him, then I didn't want him to like dread that. So then whenever he was coming back into school then in the new year, we I basically went in um and we we brought like these sheets of paper with like a drawing of a prosthetic leg. I went in and I had my leg all like gloss, like electric blue, like really, really bright. And um I was just telling them about me and like my leg and teaching them like how it works and stuff, saying about changing the colour and all and how it's so fun, and basically saying how this wee boy's gonna be getting his all customized and stuff when he gets his. Let them all design potential designs for his leg and all, and by the end they were like calling him superheroes superhero Samuel and stuff because they thought he was like clash. Yeah, so then he was really excited then to get his leg, and it's just like changing that mindset, and like for years that's just never been a thing. So then people here constantly think that they have to hide it and stuff, and then people that lost things in the troubles um always just think that you have to hate it, but it's just switching that mindset, really.

SPEAKER_00 52:15

Yeah, it's it's just like uh again, it's turning negative and they're positive. Yeah, if you have that mindset, or if if if like someone like you comes in and lets them know, like sure look what I have in it, and you're walking the you know, you're walking the fucking rail carpet London or whatever you're doing and and you're doing a catwalk and you're like shredded and I cut one extra what nothing changes. Literally, that's it.

SPEAKER_01 52:34

Like it's so nice, but because like the amount of messages I get literally every day when people's being like, Oh, you showing your leg is helped me like show like even the likes of like scars or like a C-section scar, people think randomly would be partnered about, which I'm like you'd never be partnered about that, like stuff like that. Um like yeah, like stretch marks or like again, like losing a leg or like club foot or anything like that. People would get really partnered about these things, and I get messages every day being like I'm gonna show it now because I can see that you're showing it and it's literally fine. So yeah, it's I feel like everything comes for a reason and I'm glad it happened to me.

SPEAKER_00 53:03

She's she freaking out at the minute because when she got the scan, they're saying her percentage, I don't know, it's upside down or something, I don't know. But it's like a spot of mouth percent is something's on top of it. I don't know. Oh jeez. I don't fucking know, I don't listen. It's my she's trying to show you so what is this? Like I totally don't listen, but um it's uh she's uh panicking in case it doesn't move, but they're the doctor saying it it will move closer to the time.

SPEAKER_02 53:28

Yeah.

Birth Plan With A Prosthetic

SPEAKER_00 53:29

But if it doesn't you have to get a C section so she's panicking, I'm like it's just not how she wants it. She wants to have a natural birth again.

SPEAKER_01 53:36

Yeah, yeah. And I can understand that she doesn't want to have a scar, but I ha I actually had a C-section when I had my baby. Oh right. Um I went in for I thought I was gonna have him natural. Um, but then on my Judy Ed I went in and they were gonna induce me. But like I don't know how this is possible, but at the time I was told that there was no one like me with like my level of amputation and stuff on their right leg that had ever given birth in the royal before. Like, how is that? Surely that's not true.

SPEAKER_02 53:59

That's bad.

SPEAKER_01 53:59

Yeah, so I I got told that. Um and at the time I was consultant led. You probably don't really know the random terms because you're got your fianc wife is probably um, she gave birth.

SPEAKER_00 54:09

What? Uh during COVID wouldn't let me in.

SPEAKER_01 54:11

Oh no way. She gave birth.

SPEAKER_00 54:14

So what happened was they made me go home. The the the nurse the midwife on the phone was saying, like, she's not gonna go anytime soon. I was sitting in the car park from like 7 p.m. to 3 p.m. or 3 a.m. sorry, ringing, ringing constantly. Well, how far long I but she was like getting contraction, so she was a bit like squealing, and then she was speaking and then she was like on the casting or so the the midwife on the phone ring and was like she's not going anytime soon. She's like one and two centimetres, just go home, she'll not be going home. She'll I'll ring you at ten in the morning. Or you ring her phone at ten in the morning, I'll speak to you, she's not going anytime soon. So I drove home to my dad's house. And she was like, You still here? He's like, No, I went up to my dad's house, went to bed, and she was like, You can't come in here. I was like, What? She's like, You went home to a different household. You cannot come in here. I was like, Oh, I I didn't go in. She's like, Sean, you've told me that I can't let you in. I was like, I didn't go in with my dad's just run up and hand him something through the door. No, I can't let you in here. I can't let you in here. I need to look after the other patients, and I was like, Fuck's sake. So they really had to give her a phone.

SPEAKER_01 55:17

No.

SPEAKER_00 55:18

Like no one was learning. She was just her, so she didn't know how it was three days. So I didn't meet I didn't meet my baby till I was like two days old.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

That's so sad.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

And I come down and she had the car seat, and I come down with the car seat and she was carrying the baby out. It was freezing, it was January. Everything going wrong. A full hour in that car park trying to get the trying to get the baby sheet connected.

SPEAKER_02 55:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 55:43

And that's one like that's like people go to me, well, exp like no new parents. Yeah. Like, if you're not like, have you any uh tips for me? Or I go, the only tip I can give you is learn how to work with carrier.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

We did that, we got ours into the car like way before. So I did.

SPEAKER_00 55:59

That was my well, Darvla warned me to do it, and I said that'll be alright. You'll know for this next one. I know next time, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

Um the Royals got the whole big new department before. I was hoping I would end up giving birth on the new one, but I was still stuck in the normal one. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:14

Well, I was actually a midwife that trains in my gym, and she she's sound, she's classic. She was telling us we can request her. Yeah, you can, you can request, like she was shown, I was like, I swear I end up having like the best experience.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

I started off consultant led, and then I end up switching to midwifery led because you can sort of have one or the other, basically. And um, but yeah, I ended switching to midwifery left led. Um, and I had like a meeting and stuff with a head of midwifery in the royal because they had to discuss me and stuff. Because like when you give birth naturally, you have to think about things through in like all the situations. And um, like for example, if the baby gets stuck and you have to get cut and stuff, yeah. I was like, Well, I want cut on the left because I want to still be able to wear my leg and all if or whatever, like I want to still be able to move about with them. Turns out no midwife's were trained on that, so my only option was the right. So I was like, so I won't be able to use my leg probably then until I'm like all hid, which god knows how long that's gonna take and stuff. So I was like, they just want to trade basically on anyone like me. So I was like, just give me a C-section, and that way then I I can I can still move about with them and all. So that was on the on the day that I was due, and I was in Labour at the time. They were like, Well, the nearest C-section date we can get you is in two days. So I was like, right, okay. So I remember walking from the Royal and stuff and I was like having contractions and all. Um, but I held them in, I held them in until this was on the 20th of November, and then on the at 11 pm on the 21st, I was like, Ray, I'm just gonna have to go down and I'm gonna have to give birth now. So I went down and um I went in and they're like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, your filial labour will bring you up to your room. Um that was the lucky part, I suppose, then, because I got my own room because it was all like complex. Yeah, um the room was amazing. It's called the ABC, tell her to request the ABC. It was unreal. So, like uh Lennon had my fancy's name is Lennon, he got to sleep on the sofa and all beside me, and it has all like the furry lights and all and all motivational quotes and all around it. It was class, it was amazing. I don't want to go home. I know he was loving his wife, he was fast asleep. Like, um, but yeah, we went we went there and I remember them being like them being like, right, we've booked you in for your C session's gonna happen at like 7am in the morning. Could you will you be okay till then? I was like, Yeah, it's grand. Um didn't take any painkillers often because I was like, I'll be fine. Um so did that, and then in the morning they were like, We've had a couple emergencies going, like, how are you getting on? I was like, Yeah, yeah, I'm grand. They weren't checking me like I was like, no, no, I'm all fine. Like, okay, we'll push we'll push it back then until about 12. I was like, Yeah, it's that on. So I was starting to get really bad pain by this point, but I wasn't letting on. Didn't have anything. Um had just to wait home for the pressure. And I was just focused on my breathing because I practiced all my breathing and I learned I learned all the strats. And then I remember then it got it in till afternoon and uh they were like, We've we've got some more emergencies, are you still gonna be okay? I was like, Yeah, yeah, that's fine. And then they came back as well and they were like we had to double check your weight because they had to weigh me with my leg and without it, something like that, to make sure the levels are right for like the aperture and stuff and the spinal or whatever. Um but they hadn't done that yet, but they did my bloods, and they were like, All your levels are all off, like you might not even be fit enough for surgery right now. And I this but by this point it was like half one.

SPEAKER_00 58:57

How fucking age why I even care yet? You just need the season. Yeah, the reason.

Wedding Plans And Final Thanks

SPEAKER_01 59:06

I was sitting there in labor trying not to complain, um, and they were like, Yeah, we don't know if your heart can handle the surgery and all right now, all these your levels are all off and stuff, and I was like, So I'm gonna die and all. And I was sent to Lennon, because I've had a dog from like from before I knew him and stuff. And I was like, if I die, like don't get rid of the dog and all. So I was all hormonal, like crying about the dog. Um at this point, and the baby was nearly coming into me. He was like, You're not gonna die, you're fine. Um so then um I remember then like I was literally about to give birth to the point y'all ran in and were like, Well, you can't actually wait anymore. So then by this point I just got rushed down. I was fully like given birth. So I still had no painkillers, nothing. Um and then had to just give me the epidural then and they took a couple of tries, and then I went in, was on the we table, and they do like an ice test to make sure that you're numb. So for like my experience was amazing. I feel like my experience sounds scurry for anyone that hasn't gone through it before. It was actually still amazing, and I'll do the exact same thing again with the next baby that I have. Um, but mine was just so rushed because it was just chaotic and no one really knew sort of what they were doing. But yeah, they were doing the ice test and all, and I could still move my leg. Um which what you weren't supposed to be doing, you're supposed to be like pure paralleless for the bottom half. Um but yeah, I can still move my leg and all. My leg you're supposed to like not be able to move your legs, that's why you get stuck in the bed and offrage. But yeah, I could fully lift up my leg and all, and I was supposed to be done. Um, but then yeah, so it was a bit of a nightmare. But I had him anyway, and the whole thing went good in the end.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:27

And happy and happy as ever, now yeah, yeah, he's dead amazing. When's a wedding? And he planned.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:31

We haven't even hold half the family, like, but it's summer next summer next year. Summer next year.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

Summer next year. Summer next year. Um I'm getting the traditional wedding. You know here?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

Yeah, in a cathedral here.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

And you're taking his second name? Yep. Because it's all traditional, yeah. La Roche.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:44

I know he's from Little London, he's gonna be getting married, no, West Belfast. He loves he loves it here though.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:49

What what what parts do you use? Um Peters. Down the Falls. I'm from the I'm from the Falls, yeah. Uh yes. So but uh it's all been done and gone and thank fuck 'cause it's every night, every night I go into bed, Ray goes sleep, dar blah, pull her phone out, right? Show me and I was like, oh why not, why? It's like half ten eight and it'd be gone at twelve o'clock. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:16

But you're not doing anything No, it's so fun, but I think for girls as well. Like I've like I we booked our like wedding and all, we've booked the reception and all, and I all I've been doing that is trying on dresses. That's been that's been class.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:28

Driving over she still has her, she's like, Why don't I do rest dresses, land a big massive box and all?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:33

You're gonna have a daughter, let it keep it for her to try it on.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:35

She's like, I need to sell. It's fucking massive big boxes. Save up as mate left something in there. Boxing gear, yeah. Be sh be squealing much.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

Yeah. So no, I think keep it and let your daughter try it on someday. I tried on my fiance's mummy's wedding dress and all, and it was like so cute. So keep it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:54

Good luck for the wedding and thank you again. Thank you very much for coming in with Robert Hair. Thanks for having me on. Class story, class.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:59

Thank you.