Sex, Drugs, & Soul

54. Create a Pleasure Practice with Jade Bryce

Kristin Birdwell Season 2 Episode 11

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Jade Bryce is a love, intimacy, and relationship coach. She helps people create safety, gently release trauma, shift narratives, and open to more Love. She is also the host of the podcast Untamed & Unashamed. 

We explore how...

  • Chaos can often be mistaken for chemistry in love.
  • Radical self-love is foundational for healing and growth.
  • Pleasure practices can help recalibrate the nervous system.
  • Consistency in relationships fosters a sense of security.
  • The journey of writing a book can be both challenging and rewarding.
  • Tantra merges spirituality and sexuality for a deeper connection.
  • Healing trauma requires both talk therapy and somatic practices.
  • Radical self-love allows us to embrace all parts of ourselves, including anxiety.

...and her journey of writing a book to share her story and insights with the world

⁠⁠Watch the full episode here.

Chapters

00:00, Introduction and Background

02:54, Trauma, Chaos, and Abandonment

06:13, Seeking Chaos and Avoiding Safety

10:16, Chemistry in Calmness

13:27, Pleasure Practice and Nervous System Regulation

17:50, Consistency and Healthy Relationships

23:05, The Importance of Consistency in Relationships

29:01, Healing and Self-Love through Therapy and Body Somatic Practices

40:33, Discovering Tantra and Sacred Sexuality

43:03, MDMA-Assisted Therapy and Healing from Sexual Trauma

44:55, Interpreting Plant Medicine Experiences as Metaphors

47:54, The Role of Grief in Healing

54:45, Writing a Book: Challenges and Dreams

58:32, Financial Challenges and Support for Writing

01:01:56, Jade Bryce's Offerings and Vision

Keywords
love, relationships, trauma, healing, self-love, tantra, intimacy, pleasure, anxiety, personal growth

Connect with Jade:
Website
Instagram
Untamed & Unashamed IG Link

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Venmo: @hillbilly-healer
PayPal: @KristinBirdwellLLC
CashApp: $KristinBirdwell

Connect with Kristin:
Website - https://www.kristinbirdwell.com/
Instagram - http://instagram.com/kristinbirdwell_
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@sexdrugssoul

For all the peptide goodies, join me on Ellie MD.
https://elliemd.com/kristinbirdwell

Kristin's Best-Selling Book:
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...

Kristin:

I'm Kristen Birdwell, and this is sex, drugs, and soul. So I'm so excited to have Jade Bryce on today. She's a love, intimacy, and relationship coach. She helps people create safety, gently release trauma, shift narratives, and open to more love. She is also the host of the podcast, Untamed and Unashamed. And Jade, I know I've told you this before that I feel like we're kindred spirits and I just love your vulnerability and how you show up in the world. Um, and we've kind of chatted a little bit before this about how I want to go into like the death, rebirth, and regeneration and your singing of your current medicine and offers because I I feel like it can resonate with so many people on so many different levels or like where they are at in their journey. And so I would love to dive in. Like I was reading into your website a little bit before, just like familiar familiarizing myself with you and your work again. And there was a little comment about your story that really resonated with me about um how you were um in the church and married someone, but that it was more safety and more stability than you could have ever imagined. Um, but you were not um either comfortable with feeling safe or due to your encoding or upbringing, um, you abandoned him. And I would love to have you expand on that because it resonated with me in my recently like working on turning my Nikes into slippers and and leaving something that um you know that uh felt so calm. I guess maybe I wasn't used to it.

SPEAKER_02:

So yes, I will say when I entered that relationship through the church, it was chosen for me from the church. And so we didn't have a foundation to get through that hard time where I got scared. We didn't have a foundation outside of we were really good at leading Bible studies together, you know. Um, he definitely was not my person. Um, and so there's no regrets there. However, um, what had basically happened is three years in, I mean, we got married when I was 20. So so young, and I had so much trauma, and the church is not trauma-informed by any means, and I could not pray my trauma away like I thought that I could. And so once I was, you know, young, 20, married to this man who three years in had never yelled at me, never slammed a door. Um, I mean, so much, there was so much safety to the point where I remember his uh architect. He was he was an architect, and I remember his uh one of the architects that he worked with. When I met her, she was like, it was so cute. He got in the car when we were gonna go to this project. And as soon as he got in the car, he said, I just want you to know that I'm a married man. And I was like, that was the level of safety. It was like he was always um making sure that um that I was safe, you know, like every choice he made, I was considered a good, good man. Um however, and and we he we both had our trauma that was not dealt with, but mine was so intensely um wound up in the masculine and in, you know, the belief that love is not safe, that love is chaos. And what really came to the surface there, not for another decade though, because he was not the first safe man that I pushed away, um, was that because I because I learned how to function in chaos, my brain then thought I needed chaos to function. And um I I after him, you know, I left that marriage when I was about um almost 23. After him, I ran into the arms of a man that was so obsessed with me. Like the husband, we'd go days without talking because this was I'm 39, so this was before texting. And so like he was an architect who's very busy. And uh, you know, this is pre-texting days, and so we'd go days without speaking, and we never went on dates, and um, you know, it was very so while there was safety, there also wasn't that foundation or that um that connection that we now know is is um the basis for you know sacred union. Um, but I ran into the arms of intensity, of obsession, of um into the arms of a man who I literally could not go to the gym without him there because he was afraid that someone would see me and like me. So he would sit in the parking lot of the gym. Like, I mean, it was so unhealthy. And I was with him for nine or ten months, and um it luckily it's what pushed me into therapy because he um heavily abused me. Like, I mean, uh almost almost killed me, probably three times. Like it was a terrifyingly abusive relationship. Um, but I was only 24, 23 or 24, so I still didn't have the understanding that I was seeking out chaos because I thought that was chemistry. I didn't understand it yet. I just knew that something, something inside me was craving this chaos. Um after that, I either dated sex addicts or um men who were married that I had no idea were married, um, uh a few more abusive men, um, men who just pathologically lied to me, like it was just unhealthy after unhealthy. And it wasn't until I was 29, you know, I moved to LA when I was 26, and I actually dated some really great men, like really great men. Um, but every time a man was kind or safe or stable, I lost interest very quickly, like within six weeks, I lost interest because I just it just didn't feel um to my, even though it felt good to my nervous system, something like would sabotage it, just like you said, like I would put the Nikes on, you know?

Kristin:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And so by the time by the time I was 29, when I jumped into, it wasn't until I jumped into a relationship and and um uh got pregnant without planning it, that I, and it's funny because I just saw the movie yesterday, it ends with us. There's something about having children where you are like, oh my god, I don't want you making these decisions. Like, I don't want you learning that this is what love is. There is something about that that snapped in me, about having a little girl that snapped in me. And that's when I started practicing plant medicine and going to actual, like deep imagerapy. And um, I hit it. The thing is, is this also showed up in my healing journey because I I thought that chaos was the way. I went to 60 ceremonies in like five years. Just it, I kept that pattern, so it shows up in other ways, even when you leave the relationship, you'll find another area to make chaotic. And I just interviewed on my podcast Gay Hendricks about the upper limiting. So that's that's a way upper limiting is where like you will find a way to upper limit yourself in areas of your life because your nervous system can only hold so much goodness because you've been programmed to that. So it's trying to expand your capacity for goodness, and it shows up in little ways too, like the way that we uh deflect when someone compliments us, like, oh, I love your hair. Really? It looks so frizzy to me, instead of just like, oh, thank you, you know.

Kristin:

Not being able to receive the compliment or actually be in that receptive mode.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and so um, you know, it's interesting, it continued to show up um in other areas of my life, but even after the healing journey, I had to really recalibrate and retrain my nervous system to be able to feel chemistry and calm. Because, you know, my last partner, everything was so intense. And it was it was a very karmic connection and there was a lot of healing in it, and he's a good man, but our traumas clashed so intensely, but our sex was also so intense and so um cosmic that I kept telling myself, like, we're just twin flames and we have work to do, you know, and so I stayed in it. Um, and then when I let when I I finally knew that we had to let go of each other, you know, a few, and I I I just posted this on my social media this morning. I created like a relationship container where I wrote down everything that I wanted to keep from that union, everything I'm available for within the circle. Outside the circle, I wrote down everything I'm no longer available for that happened in that union and that I just don't want in my explanation.

Kristin:

I love that.

SPEAKER_02:

And so that circle is my relationship container. That's what I'm available for. And that stuff outside I now can see so uh so much more quickly because I have it on paper, you know, and I brought it into my awareness. And so very quickly, that man actually arrived that I wrote down. I titled it a mountain, and a man that literally feels like I am sitting next to a mountain by a calm river when I'm around him showed up. And for about a month, I resisted it. Even though he was so clear, so consistent, so certain, just like literally on the note, on the relationship container, I put the moment he meets me, he'll know that I'm the one. He'll know that I'm the one. And he'll be unwavering in it. I mean, like he literally, he has not seen the list, and he literally said, I want to give you these things. And it was like he was reading my list. And still for a month I resisted it because I was like, I just don't feel like the deep, deep, like intense connection that I normally feel. Like I don't feel that cosmic, like burst. My heart is bursting open like a firework, right?

Kristin:

Mm-hmm. Or that like nervous butter butterfly thing, which I think you've mentioned before too, um, that I would love to touch on or expand about the finding that chemistry in calm. It's like maybe those like little butterflies are actually like a warning signal.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I you know, Alison Armstrong, who wrote the Queen's Code, I had her on specifically about trauma bonds. And what she said was like when you see someone and a and like you feel those fireworks, and it's not like an excitement, it's not a curiosity, it's like the in, it's like the whoa, holy shit, you know. She says, run because it's that is your body. Um, like uh that is your nervous system in your body recognizing things from your past that felt intense like that. And so you're mistaking it for chemistry, and that's not to say that you shouldn't feel chemistry, like you don't want to be a wet noodle in the relationship. Like, but what she said is it's like it's this calm um curiosity of excitement, but that isn't like almost it doesn't like take you out of body, it's still grounded. And so I mentioned that the guy before, my heart burst open like a firework. Well, that's also what how I would feel in conflict. It was like this firework bursting open, but like of an unsafe, um uh like an unsafe like nervous system jolt, you know? Um, whereas like when I stepped into this calm experience with this new man, what it felt like instead was like a flower slowly blooming towards the sun. It felt like a gentle unfolding. And that feels so much better to my nervous system.

Kristin:

It may be less like, you know, like fairy tale or like that passionate like story or something.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, not so much because uh, you know, I when I saw It Ends With Us yesterday, like when she dates the man who abuses her, there's like heat. But the man who truly like wants to provide safety for her, oh Atlas, I love you. It's like this wonderful man in the movie. Um, there it's not there's not it's not like a heat, it's like a holding, you know, it's like a grounding, warm holding. Yeah, so it's not that there's a lack of passion or a lack of attraction, it's just this like warm river in between mountains type feeling, you know what I mean? Um and I feel like your nervous system knows the difference, but we have to train it to allow for that. And as you know, like most of my work um when it comes to retraining the nervous system to hold something happens in my pleasure practice.

Kristin:

Yeah, I was about to ask you if like what were the ways that you regul regulate or like I'm kind of in tune to it, but just for people tuning in and listening, I would love for you to expand on your pleasure practice or ways you regulate your nervous system.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so the nervous system, you know, it'll recognize things that feel familiar and things it it's it's like the fire and wire that Joda Spencer talks about, right? Like if we associate pleasure with pain or pleasure with shame, then every time we start to feel pleasure, we're going to feel pain or shame. And so we push it away, right? So it's all about rewiring, it's all about like recalibrating, retraining what we want our fire and wire to be, right? So if I want my nervous system to actually hold a safe love, one that's calm, one that's consistent, one that has an anchor type feeling and conflict, not avoidant, then what that looks like for me and training my nervous system to be able to hold it, which also means that's in my field, and like attracts like, so that's what I'm then going to call in, is I, you know, I lay at my altar and I basically say out loud, and to me, I my prayers tend to go to Jesus and Yeshua and Mary Magdalene, sometimes Isis, sometimes Lakshmi. Um, and that that can still be a bit taboo for people to associate deities or holy figures with pleasure, but for me, a big part of my healing has been merging my sexuality and my spirituality. Yes. So this has been really, yeah, this has been really important for me, and that had to come first. Um, but basically what I do is I lay at my altar, I proclaim my desires to those guides of mine, to those that I pray to, mainly Yeshua, and then I run it through my five senses. Like, what does that actually feel like? What does that taste like? What does that sound like? What does that look like? What does it smell like, which can be an odd one? Um, you know, your favorite essential oil or whatever it is. So if you're instead of it being a relationship, if you're thinking about financial financial stability, like what does that smell like in your home? What if you were financially stabilizing?

Kristin:

I've got all the bougie candles going in this fragrance, all of it.

SPEAKER_02:

So um, yeah, the the bison cooking, you know, yes. And so running that through my five senses reality, and then um when I'm doing that, that's what allows my nervous system to feel it as true, to feel it as oh, I can experience this, oh, I can allow for this, oh, like this is already here, even and then and then I bring in pleasure. And for some people, if if um an orgasm is not accessible, that pleasure can be smelling something that feels luscious to you, it can be a hot bath, it can be eating a piece of dark chocolate, it can be sensual dance. For me, um, orgasms are they're not only very accessible, although there there was a time that they weren't, but for me, it also, because our sexual energy is so potent, um, and I'm very intentional about what I use my sexual energy for, magnifies those desires and amplifies the magnetism. And so um so I always end that practice with pleasure. And the other thing about pleasure is that you tend to hear your higher truth more clearly because you don't have when you're in pleasure, you feel so good that it's not the voice of doubt at the forefront, it is the voice of your queen, like your goddess, your your empress that like knows she's worthy of pleasure, you know. And so you hear from her, and sometimes it's like you have nothing to worry about, or it's God's got you, or it's your emperor's on the way, or whatever it is, and it provides your nervous system with so much safety and so much ease. Whereas, like yesterday I was so stressed about something, like literally in tears about something, and I was like writing like this post that was so depressing, and I was like, this is gonna be so relatable for people, which is still good to post, right? Yeah, but then I laid at my altar, and I would have never like my my attitude shifted so dramatically that the the thing that I had written just an hour ago no longer was resonant, it would no longer felt true for me, and so it's important to hear from that wound, like that hurting part of us, like to allow them to have a seat at the table and to also let that inner queen that comes forth in pleasure or in meditation, whatever it is, to have the final say, you know, like they're both valid, but this is the in when we let them both because if you think about it, like one is the voice of fear and pain, and one is the voice of voice of love and truth. And so, like letting them both dialogue with each other, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's how my pleasure practice tends to go. I love that.

Kristin:

You know, I think you mentioned once that you had had a self-pleasure session with Yeshua, and so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna try that one day. I did, and I was like, wow, this was so powerful. And um, so is that something that you can incorporate into your life like multiple times a week or daily, or how do what is that, or just like when you feel the call or feel that need to regulate, or it's more days than not.

SPEAKER_02:

I think at least five days a week.

Kristin:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, there are times that I get to my altar because I use I use pleasure wands. So I have a cervical wand, and then I have just got one. Yeah, and then I have a jade Indian wand that's like its properties are love and abundance, which has really been great. Um but sometimes I get to my altar and I I you know pick up one of my wands and my body's just like not today. I'm not feeling it today. Um, and it doesn't mean that I don't access pleasure in a different way, but sometimes my body is just like today we just need to dance, we just need to move. Um I will say that when you are accessing that pleasure, if you're just doing it to access the pleasure and to almost get like a one-off or something, it actually creates like a dopamine dip for you later. It's so important that when you when you feel that pleasure, that you circulate it through your body. Like when I feel that pleasure, I breathe and I imagine it moving up every chakra and then back down. And in in that case, um, it's not over stimulating like some orgasms can be, right? It's not, it doesn't like take you out of body, it actually puts you in your body. And so there are a lot of ways that um I do it to where my body actually asks for it every day. Um but you know, there are days where I get too busy, or there's days where my body is just like not feeling it that day. It wants something else. Yeah.

Kristin:

I know I feel like I've been going on like these like walks and doing like other things and just listening. Like, so I'm in my luteal phase right now. So I'm like, I'm in sweat mode. Yeah, yeah, I'm like in sweats mode, dark chocolate mode, definitely. Leaning into that sense of pleasure, but I love the emphasis on the breath and circulating the energy. I actually like had a self-pleasure session the other day, and I believe it was like a message came through. It's like, yes, it is an honor to be with me uh physically and sexually and be in union in that way with me. And like it was just like very clear, like be very discerning of who I'm engaging with. And then I you touched on also like consistency. And I know for I'm like, consistency is such a turn on. Like I love consistent um communication. I'd love for you to speak into any of the uh wisdom or insights you have on consistency, um, or also how you found the realm of like tantra and sacred sexuality or how it came up into your field of awareness.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um yeah, uh so what really was lacked in my last relationship was consistency, clarity, and calmness. I don't know if it's like my slightly autistic brain that has to have the same letters as I love them.

Kristin:

I love alliteration. But but I did take a quiz and it said I am exhibiting more autistic traits than the average, so too.

SPEAKER_02:

Um yeah, like in parenting, it's present, playful, and uh patient, you know, and then love and uh well in finances, it's like safety, security, stability. Ooh, I love all these. Yeah, and then it but I I was like in my next relationship, I want consistency, clarity, and calmness, like those three things.

Kristin:

Love the pillars, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And so what I really worked on in that gap between the relationships was feeling that within me all the time. Like, how can I constantly, well, how can I it feels funny to say constantly, consistently, but how can I always feel a sense of consistency, calmness, and clarity within my body because I'm only going to attract what I already am, right? Um, and man, when you can feel consistency, that's why I like titled my my list um a mountain. Like the man is meant to be a mountain. We are the waves and they are the mountain, right? Like they are sturdy, they do not flinch in conflict. It doesn't mean that they don't struggle, but they are unwavering. And so that is what I really, really craved that I that I had lacked. And um, you know, there was there was a sense of it in that marriage that you know we first brought up. We were just so young. Um, but when you experience like consistency with a man, your nervous system is able to relax in a way that like softens you into your feminine because you're not in fight or flight. You know? And sometimes we do call in a consistent, a consistent man because a nervous system won't allow for it, though. It creates these stories. So you've oh, you know, of course, we have to watch for projections and all of the things. Um, but yeah, I've I feel like consistency in a man is one of the number, you know, obviously integrity, but consistency in a man is one of the number one things we need to feel safe.

Kristin:

Yes, yes, and like how um in what forms, like in communication or in touch, or what like forms of the consistency do you prefer or um or feel good to me?

SPEAKER_02:

There's a couple of different ways, like he's so consistent that like you know what to expect from him in the way that it doesn't matter what mood he's in, he's not gonna direct it at you or take it out on you. Not to say he's not gonna have his bad days, but there's never a feeling of like what mood is he gonna come home in today? Like, is he gonna be angry? Is it gonna be okay that I did this? Like, there's no walking on eggshells. You don't know what to expect, or you don't know what version of him is showing up that day, you know? Um, consistency, yes, in the clear communication of I've got you. Yeah, like it's an energy of I've got you, like no matter what. Because to me, it doesn't matter how much conflict you have or how much wilderness you go through together.

Kristin:

I love that wilderness.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it doesn't matter how much of that there is as long as you know that you've got it. You've got it, no one's going anywhere, you're committed, and to me, that is consistency. I think that there are three stages of love. There's the first love where you're just like you wake up thinking about the person and you can't wait to smell them again and all the things. And then there's the wilderness love where you go through something hard, and this doesn't mean like a deal breaker, like they cheat on you, but you just go through something hard. And um, whether it's a dry spell or a string of really intense conflicts, whatever it is, um, and you know, from what I've understood, most people either stay here or they don't make it out, like they don't um, they don't stay together.

Kristin:

But it's we go on different hiking trails.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. But it's working through that wilderness and navigating it together that gets you to the third stage, which is invincible love, where it's just you know your love is there to stay. And in that first love, you may know, you may already have a knowing. Like, oh, we're this is it. Like we're doing this. You may already have that knowing, but it's the invincible love where it's just this like wow, like there's no, there's no way. Like I my friends Kyle and Tosh, Kyle Kingsbury and Tosh Kingsberry, they um they have no doubts in their mind that there's like anything that's going to cause them to split up, you know, like they know that they are going to be together forever. When you have that, that's something that comes, you may have that knowing in the beginning, but once you've gone through the wilderness together and you've made it a love, it is like this unshakable, like you've you've experienced the consistency. Yeah. And so um, I can't remember what exactly your question was, but it's to me, um, that uh oh, you asked how the consistency shows up. Yeah, it's experiencing that consistency even when you go through the wilderness. And it's what it really is, is it's like I've got you energy, you know?

Kristin:

Yes, no, that that brings tears to my eyes because I'm like, I think I'm in the wilderness. I'm like, do we have to go to the wilderness to get to the consistency or the or what would you what was the phrase you called the third one? Invincible. Invincible. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Oh, that's yeah, brings tears to my eyes. And um I'm like, where do I want to go to from here? Yeah, it's just because like we I my I say X because but we've just recently had a podcast where we were sharing like why we're living in different states and and how like I um I had felt comfortable in our relationship because when we met last year I was on tour and um I was always moving and going to the next place. And so I felt safe to open up in some ways, I guess, because I was always going. So whenever I settled and it was like we were living together, it was like, oh, oh, that sense or fear of losing like a sense of self kicked in and and coupled with like okay, do I want to acquiesce to everything in his lifestyle? And so I chose to come back to Austin where my community was. So I feel like it was a duplic or like a dual thing of taking care of myself and creating narratives to support my running. Uh-huh. And so we were like working on a book, and like the first chapter is like called Getting Right. I didn't realize I had still so much work to do with like getting right, and um, so I'd recently signed up for like ketamine assisted psychotherapy. Um, and it kind of like I know you mentioned something earlier too about therapy, or like the I was so I'd love to like talk about maybe the importance of you finding that therapist or like coupled with the body somatic practices, maybe something in that dynamic or realm.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, can you rephrase that question? Uh sometimes I don't understand clearly.

Kristin:

Yeah, oh yeah, no, just like because like the mind and body, I feel like sometimes with therapy, um, it's I I kind of like had held it at arm's length for a long time because I felt like it was just talk therapy. I don't want to just talk about my problems. And so, like practicing or bridging or using the mind and body practices um for regulation or for releasing trauma or stuff like that. Yeah, does that help?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Um, are you asking like how that played a part in my healing journey?

Kristin:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, or or how you uh in your healing journey and or like how you help your clients today work through something like that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I understand about the talk therapy because in a way, if we're doing talk therapy and not incorporating the body, it can almost be re-traumatizing in a way. Um, because in a way we could just be reinforcing our own trauma and not actually teaching the body to believe a new story, right? Like if we don't bring the body online. So in my, you know, I'm not a therapist. Um in my coaching sessions, a lot, a lot of it is talk and then it's embodiment. We do something, we always do some sort of process that involves the body, that involves the inner child or the inner queen, or um, you know, the mother, the inner mother father, whatever it is. I still, even with that said, I still do talk therapy, but I have a really good Imago therapist. Um, so she's really she studied with Harville Hendricks, who wrote the one.

Kristin:

Oh, okay. I love that's top one of the top most pitiful books I've ever read.

SPEAKER_02:

I've read it like four times, yeah. And yeah. Um so and I highly recommend those workshops if you are one. Yeah.

Kristin:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Um she's so heavily trained in that that even though it's talk therapy, um, like she has a way of bringing my inner child online in the conversation. And so I feel that if you have a really skilled therapist in a in a like either a Mago or internal family systems, whatever it is, um, talk therapy can still be really, really powerful. If you're gonna do that, I think it's really important that you're also incorporating the body in your own practices with whatever you've discovered in your session, you know? And even like with your walk, you said like you, you know, when you go for a walk, uh, you know, a lot of times when I go for a walk, I like to actually just think about whatever it is I'm holding as a desire and to walk as if I already have it. So like when I'm on the, even if I'm on the treadmill at the kids VJJ studio, like how would I be walking if I had this amount of you know, money in my account and had no worries at all of how I'm gonna pay the bills? Or how would I be walking if I was like holding hands with my beloved on this ocean, whatever it is, right? Um so it's like even if you don't have a a very wide awareness of these internal family systems or emotional freedom technique, you can just get creative like that. Like, how can I embody what I talked about with my therapist today of what I really desire? And that's that's the other thing about talk therapy that we have to be careful for is a lot of times we're really only talking about our problems and not what is what it is that we're wanting to uh that we're desiring, and what is at the core of that desire? Because if we don't know what's at the core of it, we're we often get to that desire and we realize we're not like we're not actually feeling the way we thought we wanted to feel because we're not getting to the core of the desire. Yeah, you know.

Kristin:

Like what are we hoping to feel if we achieve this or get this relationship or have this relationship or hold it?

unknown:

Cool.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so a lot of women who come to me because they want better sex or or to experience um stronger orgasms, it's not that's not actually what's at the core of their desire. The core of their desire is to feel like a highly pleasurable woman or to feel magnetic or to feel liberated in their in an ecstasy, you know, like those are at the core. Um, and so when we when we go into those and find the blockages to those or the beliefs on why we can't have those, then that other thing actually shows up. But if we were to get to those other things, but we didn't actually work on the core of the desire, the core of the desire wouldn't be there with those things that we're trying to reach.

Kristin:

You know what I mean? Maybe like some kind of disconnect or not unwelcoming in the way, maybe. Yeah, and then um I know also too, or like I've like looked into some stuff about um you start with self-love with when you're working with people. Like, what would you suggest for people to incorporate more self-love practices or like any tools or modalities or what that looks like?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So yeah, radical self-love is like the first call that I tend to do with people. Um, it well, it's the first call in my women's program because a lot of us go towards um all of these modalities that we're talking about with the belief that they're broken. And if we're doing that, then we're just reinforcing that belief, right? And then the work we're doing isn't that effective because we're not coming from a place of love. And uh a big foundation of Tantra is doing it all from love, doing it all as like it's all God, right? And if it's all God, then it's all to be accepted, it's all to be welcomed, even our pain, even our shame. And so anxiety, yeah, especially anxiety, yeah. Because anxiety is just uh trying to protect us, and it's got so many valuable messages. Um, I as anxiety is at the forefront for me of of what I um really when it comes to the so basically self-love, if we were to talk about anxiety, instead of trying to silence the anxiety, instead of trying to um, because that never works. No, no, it didn't work, and it's a part of us. So if we're trying to silence a part of us, we're just at war with ourselves.

Kristin:

Shunning it, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And then if you're at war with yourself, it's everything is going to become difficult, right? Um, so instead, how can we meet that part of ourselves with love? What would love say to that anxiety in that moment? How would love hold that anxiety? And then when you meet that anxiety with love, which is not, it's it's not a quick process at first, but like when you when you meet that anxiety with love, the anxiety tends, it doesn't go away necessarily because that that's not the goal. Um, but it tends to just ease up. And when you can have a dialogue, just like between fear and truth, when you can have a dialogue between the anxiety and love, you really get to the um core of what you're needing in the moment. Right. And when you get to the core of what you're needing, the anxiety's job has kind of been done. And so it's not so much like screaming at you to hear it.

Kristin:

Listen to me. Yeah, no, I was in a uh, so I was doing a like a dance or shavasana, and I was just like laying there and I had been feeling anxious, and I just had this insight come through, and I was like, oh, I'm like, I have to love my anxiety. And then I was like, actually, I get to love my anxiety. Yeah, I was like, oh. See how it has also worked for you in many ways in life, you know. Um, you kept you productive or aware or like sensitive to environment and like increase your sensitivity. I was like, I look like looking at it through that frame too, because it is the like the yeah, it's like the one thing that I'm like I felt like has been a big struggle, you know. Yeah, um, it's just like uh, but I love like the questions that you gave me and listeners to like uh greet it with a little more love. It's so so powerful.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and how would that feel? Like, think about the fear that lightens up when you know that anything that comes up within you you can you can respond to with love. That's radical self-love. Like no matter what. You know, yesterday um I met up with a girlfriend and I got really activated like within the first 10 minutes of us being around each other because I felt like um the way she was talking to me, I felt like she was like, You're not enough, you're too much, you're not enough, you're too much, because of what was like, and I normally I would have really internalized that and then probably just not talked to the friend for a while. But that wouldn't have been loving to her or I, right? Because that's not true connection. And so in that moment, I said, like, hey, I'm feeling really activated right now because ever since I walked in the door, you've been like barking at me about this and that. And I was like, you're not doing anything wrong. This is my activation and my pain point. Um, but I need to let you know that this is how it's making me feel, and it's I'm not feeling safe to be myself, and I need to be able to be myself, and that's where magic happens is when you can show up and I can show up and we're ourselves. And we both we've done the same trainings, which is really cool, but we both um were able to meet both parts of ourselves with love. I was able to meet that part of myself with love that was feeling um I can't be myself, like if you're like I'm gonna honor that by speaking the truth and being patient with myself instead of being like, why can't you just do what she's saying? Why, you know, like why can't you just measure up to what she's asking for? And she got to love herself and say, you know what, my controlling side is coming out. And it's an it's innocent. It wasn't trying to make you feel bad. This is just a part of my personality that isn't serving you in the moment. And I'm sorry. But we both got to meet ourselves with love. And because we were able to do that, we were able to meet each other with love. If we had both shamed ourselves for that part of ourselves that was not working in the relationship dynamic with each other, um, we wouldn't have been able to, we would have then, because we don't want to feel shame, shamed the other person. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's from this place of learning radical self-love that we end up being able to meet others in that place as well.

Kristin:

And that that's a good conversation tool too, and to speak into it. And then so instead of let it like fester and like grow, um, it's like if you just speak it and get it out, or like write it, like you said earlier. I think there's so much power in like writing and releasing or speaking it, um, versing like letting it live and circle around. At least that's what works for me too. Um, like as far as just like uh like journaling is such such at least a powerful tool for me and um in getting my emotions out and out onto the page feels like something is released whenever I take it out of me or express it in some way.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

Kristin:

And then um, yeah, I'm like, what else do we want to where else do we want to go? Where else do we want to go? I'm like, I have a couple of like questions over here that I get. Um I'd love to like to like touch on like maybe how you discovered Tantra or Sacred Sexual, or like did you have like a oh my god, like this makes so like a pivotal um like when greeting towards it whenever it came across your path? Or was it um kind of curiosity at first? Or like just describe that to me or take me to that moment?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I actually hadn't heard of it until about four years ago. Um, I had just entered into a three year long. relationship with a man that was safe and calm and um because of that um because of that being provided for I was able to actually because so the guys before him I was so disconnected in sex um I was basically used as like a human masturbation tool it felt like and and I wasn't ready for sexual connection anyhow you know like I I I had so much sexual trauma that was still in my body especially in my cervix and my yoni but it wasn't until I was in a relationship with this safe man who wanted connection with me that I was able to realize like oh there's still like there's a blockage here there's something that's keeping me from going deep and being able to experience like explosive pleasure. And so that is that it was asking that question why why am I showing up this way that started to reveal answers that had to do with my sexual trauma. And so when I started to go into that sexual trauma some of the books that I read were to do with sex. Like my first was Pussy by Mama Gina. However the other one was um the body keeps the score and so I was reading books on trauma and then books on sexuality and like really being able to like I had never even said the word pussy before I read that book and when you're reading it she says say it out loud three times. And I remember when I read it I was like why does this feel so filthy? Like it's a body part of mine. And so it made me it brought into my awareness how much shame I had around my sexuality around my sensuality around my own sacred parts and pairing that with books on trauma um you know I really dove deep into um how to heal the body from sexual trauma. And from there I what Tantra is I mean I feel that I've been doing Tantra my whole life. It's so much in my DNA. So no matter what I was going to end up there. But yeah it was basically asking the question of like one now that I'm with a safe man like why am I still not why do I still feel like not fully in my body in our love making and it went from there and I it uncovered so much trauma. It was you know it was thankfully that man was very safe and calm and because it was I did a MDMA assisted therapy that was so intense for me because some of my sexual trauma was that my my birth dad would beat my mom when I was like two or three but then have sex with her. And because my nervous system was so commingled with hers that it felt like it was happening to me. And so for a long time I didn't know if my father had sexually abused me or not. And I even would have like almost like visuals of it happening. And so part of me was like am I crazy? Like am I having these memories and I don't even know if they're real you know and that's where that's where we have to also sh like really remember that plant medicine often speaks in metaphors. Had I taken that on plant medicine as literal I would be telling you right now that my father forced me to give him blowjobs. That did not happen. But because plant medicine speaks in metaphor and I was able to take that as that's what my nervous system felt like was happening. It's so important that we see because when we take plant medicine as literal we can very dangerously explode our lives.

Kristin:

Oh I love that distinction.

SPEAKER_02:

Right when we take them as metaphors and what does this symbolize? They're all symbols because our ego is also still at play when we're on plant medicine. It's not like dreams where it's not at play yeah and so luckily I had that wisdom already stored to see it as a metaphor what does this mean? What is this like why am I why am I having these visuals? And from there I did an MDMA assisted therapy session and it was probably the most healing thing that I had experienced when it came to my sexual trauma. But after that I could not really be touched for like three months because my body was it was like re training itself. I mean it was it was one of the most powerful things that I've ever done and one of the most stimulating and so I could not be touched by my partner and luckily very patient with me. It was very confusing for him because he wasn't familiar with that type of work or with Tantra or anything like that. And that relationship really did serve its purpose. It didn't last um I think I was in it when I met you yeah yeah yeah um but uh that is um yeah that is how I basically how I discovered Tantra or how I how tantra came to me again was really just diving into my trauma and finding that through my trauma I had separated spirituality and sexuality and Tantra is so much of finding God in the taboo finding God in the dark places. And so you know going into that trauma and um bringing my spirituality and bringing um like meeting God there, meeting God in the pain and hearing from the wisdom um there was no way that like Tantra wasn't like it basically just kept coming to me through whether it was an Instagram post or like I I see a training ad for it, you know, like it was just constantly like knocking at the door.

Kristin:

Yeah. I think yeah um man that's so interesting to me too that you bring that up about your dad and like that fear like I just recently so I've had two ketamine assisted psychotherapy sessions with um and I and I have a whole lineage of sexual trauma. And so I and like I didn't realize that that was a fear of mine like that I'm like did my dad sexually abuse me and in no way did he but because there was so much in my like ancestral um I I it I didn't consciously have that fear but it was revealed to me through like the different metaphors and I love that you said that language and gave the distinction about speaking in metaphors. Because I talked to my therapist afterwards and she's like that doesn't feel true. I was like no I don't think that was because it was immediately then I saw like you know other family members and so I was like oh okay um it also just felt like an opportunity to release and heal it. And so yeah I'm just like wow like just so much resonance there.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean and sometimes we recall our traumatic experiences the way that our nervous system felt them and so we tell the story in a way that feels more intense to maybe our sister who had the same experience because our nervous system experienced it more intensely. You know and so it's important to give ourselves compassion with that. You know like we recall things the way that we felt them we were eight years old or whatever it was and our sister was 14 and so it was more intense to us or whatever it was.

Kristin:

That's a good distinction too and just like looking at it like um I because I think that one of my greatest strengths is like sensitivity but sometimes I I've you know that can also be like the area where um I'm sensitive so I'm in different and so um like the maybe more sensitive or like capacity to feel is a little bit stronger. Some things may register as more intense to other people. Yeah and so I like that you spoke into that too.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

Kristin:

And so at what point um when like did you lean in I know that you've done like the Vita training and everything. And so when did you like okay like I'm I'm gonna say yes I'm going all in on on this training and doing it.

SPEAKER_02:

You know once I got into Mama Gina's work and I started to allow my body to feel pleasure and to merge my sexuality with my spirituality the amount of like empowerment that I felt it was just this desire of like I want everyone to feel this and it I mean when you feel a calling like that it's like there's just there's no doubts you know like like how do I do it you know like how do I let's okay let's find the training um I'm still refining you know I don't like to give my power away to astrology or anything but my Vedic astrology chart does say that I don't come into mastery in my calling until I'm 48. So that's nine years from now and that makes sense like that would make sense that like you know when you're more of an elder you know you you're more into mastery for sure but I'm still refining very much like what what is my actual like if someone were to ask what's your magic or what's your calling I would say oh I love to help women merge their sexuality with their spirituality and access pleasure deeply and open themselves to more safety and love. And I love to help men know how to create a safe space for all of that to take place for their women. When I say that everything in me lights up. Yeah and I'm still refining um like what that actually looks like out in the world. Like how you know like I'm writing a book right now so you know that's a big part of it as well. That's the theme of the book.

Kristin:

Yeah but yeah I'll definitely probably ask you to read it before it's published for sure totally I'll give you notes and edits and yeah so um I'm still refining what that looks like but I but I know that it's a big part of why I'm here.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

Kristin:

And um I think that you have that permission to refine it and like as you go grow and evolve like your work in medicine and offerings do. Yeah. And then um like yeah like whenever you're at that you know 48 if that's like what like what feels resonant for you is you know like yeah this is just you have like what on nine 10 year more years of almost a decade's worth of more experience to speak to which through all the things that you've been through that's just to me indicative of how much space that you can hold for for other people. Like I know I felt that way with grief anyway. I was like why am I experiencing so much loss and um and then I just had a you know a partner of mine when he lost his mom I was like I'm able to see this and meet this on a deeper level of resonance than um if I had never experienced this grief. And so yeah I just think that so much of our wounds like that's where our wisdom can be drawn from and that's where you know our some a lot of our gifts and magic can be shared with the world. I'm excited to hear you're writing the book too.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah about halfway through oh my God yay so did you outline or did you um just kind of like writing it or flowing it like what's your process look like in that yeah so I'll share that but I want to say really quickly how beautiful that you experience grief so immensely because I feel that grief is in direct proportion of how much we love. And so if you feel grief very heavily then you feel love very heavily you know and um yeah I I think grief is beautiful. I I you know I don't think grief is like um you know it's sound like people hear grief and it sounds so heavy but to me it's grief is love.

Kristin:

Yeah so how there's so many gifts of it like I wrote a little blog post one time about like the gifts of grief and I feel like some people could read it and be like huh? But I'm like yeah and in so many beautiful ways like with my dad you know the passing of my dad and our relationship has grown and evolved in so many different ways. It like it's stronger in some ways today than it was whenever he was in his physical form. Yeah and so I definitely like want to speak into that and share that more as it continues to evolve. Like even in Target the other day I like went in and I have like I read signs about loved ones who'd passed on like they we have this connection or agreement that whenever I hear credence clear water I know he's with me. And so I was like having a shit day I had you know I had crossed a little boundary of mine and I was where I was like you know preparing for I was like okay I found I see that now but sometimes I'm like I didn't know that one was there until I crossed it and um and then but I like I'm like going into Target and then I hear that song and I was like oh thank you like just I just needed that little reminder. But yeah so I want to know about your book writing process too.

SPEAKER_02:

So you know it's interesting because I went to India last year with Andrew Harvey which he's written like I don't know like 80 books. It's an absurd amount because he translates uh um Hindu mystice mystics probably know and Sufi poetry he translates it. So beautiful written a ton of books um one of my favorite speakers and uh he's quite a character but I'm just so drawn to him but so we're in India and he was like Jade you're all story like why are why have you not written your book like you're all story tell your story and you know it was just excuse after excuse you know because I you know I started writing my book when I was 25 14 years ago but because I didn't have the tools back then to hold my nervous system I fell into such a deep depression that when I got to 10 years old in the book I just never picked it back up. It's not the book I would write today anyhow. So I'm thankful that it didn't yeah I'm thankful that it didn't you know finalize. But you know I was telling him you know now I I do feel strong enough to write it um you know but I use the excuse of time I use the excuse of like I don't want to hurt the ones that are still alive that you know may be seen as bad characters in the book and um and I just when I'm trying to write it I feel like I can't get the stories to flow together. It feels messy. And so I just I get so overwhelmed in the process. And he said first of all if people abused you in your life and you're not writing your book because of them then their abuse is continuing because they're that is keeping story. Yeah and that you know there's a way to write your story in love you know and in compassion but I had so much fear there so much resistance. So there was that um and then but as far as the the outline you know I had so much resistance around that because I just felt like I couldn't get it to flow. And he was like well you're a podcaster like just speak your story in the microphone. Just tell your story and then have it transcribed and edit it from there. Yeah and you'll be able to to let it you'll be able to turn it into a flow from there. And it is the best advice I've ever received good good that's how I ghostwrite like I get people to tell me their stories transcribe it and then like piece it together.

Kristin:

Yeah I can't wait any way I can support you and like be a reader or like edit or connect like I I'm totally I like that's like I love helping people borrow their stories into the world and yours definitely needs to be written and I pulled up this little note on resistance by Steven Pressfield and I just wanted to speak it into the while we're chatting about books and creativity and resistance. It says if you're feeling that much resistance think of it as a compliment resistance is paying you a compliment. Remember the level of resistance we feel at any point is directly related to the power of our vision and to how important our project is to the evolution of our soul. So in other words resistance is telling you you're on to something big.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah I just love that it's the resistance and getting through it that makes it even more worth it.

Kristin:

Yes and it's such a beautiful journey to me it's one of the greatest acts of self-love yeah when you hold that book baby for the first time you're it's like film it record it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah imagine it like arriving in a box like copies of yes but yeah if it were easy I I've thought about this before and learning how to love our partner the way that they need is like if like all of these things if they were easy it almost wouldn't be that we were fully choosing them because they're just easy for us. It's something that is sometimes not so easy or has resistance that like we know we're fully choosing it. You know like I'm doing this anyways you know um but yeah the um I was gonna say something about the book um do you have a working title at all? Well I mean I call everything that I do untamed and unashamed. Oh yeah but considered that yeah but you know Glenn and Doyle has her famous book Untamed. Oh yeah could work for me in the sense that when it could that people are searching yeah um but yeah I uh Andrew Harvey suggested um resurrection because I'm resurrected by love in the book. Okay but yeah I haven't I haven't chosen for sure.

Kristin:

Oh yeah and I was just curious um I I mean you could create a list of 15 and see yeah the thing that um I guess I know we're running a little over too I don't I just want to if you're I just on time I'm good on time for a little while too if you okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah um I don't know what time what time it was 1210 so I just want to um but I guess the question that I actually have for you about writing is like for me the struggle is like being a single mom of two kids I am almost always trying to figure out um covering the expenses of being a single mom, right? So writing my book, um I know that a lot of people actually don't make a ton of money off their books right off the bat. But I like I keep thinking like oh if only I could get paid to write my book now for just a month and that's my job and then I could get it done. And then you know like because that's almost what it would take for me to have the time to do it because I'm I'm always trying to figure out other jobs. Like I only have three events in September and that's not going to cover expenses. So right now that's where my mind is and if my mind is there I don't like even if I were to sit down and write my bandwidth now you're not fully resourced. Write that and it dries up creativity when you're trying to figure out you know what I mean you don't want to create from that place. You want to create from a place of overflow and abundance and yeah and so my dream is like you know some sort of public publish publisher or like investor something to be like here's your expenses covered for this month so that you can just write and I know I would finish my book that month um you know or you know my you could query um like you could query you could create like a book proposal and query to traditional publishing houses.

Kristin:

That process it depends on like what you there's just different like pros and cons to traditional publishing and then self or hybrid publishing. But um like I went self-hybrid because with that you get to do um keep creative control you get it out faster and you own all of the rights. But with the traditional um and since you have a good social media following that could work in your favor or leverage that I would have celebrity endorsements. Yeah oh so yeah so I mean you could create a query letter it's it you know here's a little blurb and I can share like sample query letters with you and stuff. And I actually have a list of agents that I was looking at whenever I was in the querying process. I just got to the point where I was like I want this out yesterday. And so I'm like patience has been one of those things to send up to learn too um but yeah you could craft like um since it's non fi I'm guess I'm gathering it's nonfiction, correct? Like nonfiction memoir I

SPEAKER_02:

Mean it's my life story, yeah. But I'm telling it with a character in the book with me. That is uh so it's it's kind of like a blend.

Kristin:

Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, I guess traditionally when it's nonfiction, you can query with a book proposal, otherwise, they want you to query with the full thing done. Um, so it's like yeah, how to navigate. But the they also, if they they'll look at things and given on like what an estimate of like how they feel well they think it'll do, they'll they'll give you an advance. And so, um, but there's like different like pros and cons to that, and like that's just something you'll you'll work through with your agent as far as like rights and stuff like that. For me, I was like, okay, I want I know I want to make a screenplay. Um, and so I'm like, I kind of want to hold on to the creative rights in case I want to sell it or something like that too. So it's just kind of like navigating that, but I can help you. Just let me know how I can support you.

SPEAKER_02:

That would be amazing. Yeah. I know we can do more of that on audio message because I don't know how interesting this is to you all the time.

Kristin:

Oh no, I mean no, I talk about writing and stuff all the time. So it's uh it's like, yeah, a blend. And and also to me, it's like just speaks to the I love like the Phoenix, what is it? Like store mythology. And so um, I but I feel like a lot of people like focus on the death and regeneration of the Phoenix, but they don't speak to the Phoenix singing very much. And this Phoenix had a beautiful song and sang their song and hope. And I I liken that to book writing and sharing your story, and so I think it's very much in alignment with like we've covered like different, you know, death moments and rebirth moments and on your journey, and now you're and now you're even going to be singing your story and journey more on a different level. And I just want to also say that it's okay for those singings to be on different levels, like it can be sung and kept within a family dynamic if you just want to have it like for legacy to pass on to children, it or it can be sung like and sold to the world, or it can be sung and you know, just different degrees and what feels um liberating for each individual person.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I love that.

Kristin:

So I think that's beautiful. And I would love if you have any special offerings or anything that you want to share or where people can connect with you, I'd love for you to drop that in. All of it'll be in the show notes too. But um, I just I love your energy and how you show up, and I want to be able to connect listeners to you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, thank you. So my Instagram is at the Jade Bryce, that's my personal Instagram where I share a lot of like my own personal um, you know, pleasure ponderings, I guess.

Kristin:

Yeah. Um I love the alliteration there too.

SPEAKER_02:

But my Instagram, or sorry, my my podcast is Untamed and Unashamed. And so that there's another Instagram for that, Untamed and Unashamed podcast. Um, you can find whatever my offerings are at jade bryce.com. And uh, you know, you can sign up for my newsletter there or my next masterclass or my women's program or one on one. Anything that's going on will be on there at jade brice.com.

Kristin:

Lovely. Lovely, and thank you so much for coming on. Yeah, thank you.