Sex, Drugs, & Soul

48. Heartsongs & Healing with Iridessa Blossoms

• Kristin Birdwell • Season 2 • Episode 5

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Join Iridessa and Kristin as we chat about childhood trauma and family dynamics, healing exercises, heart songs, and Egypt takeaways.

Iridessa Blossoms is a healer, as a body and fitness movement specialist. She is a Reiki Master with numerous fitness certifications, from dance to barre to yoga, aerial art forms, pole dancing, and more.  The authentic creative expression that she holds space for during her classes, provides a very unique healing experience.  She has been a trendsetter, leading and paving the way with her performance art, visually stimulating audiences internationally. 

Iridessa began intentionally walking the path of spirit in 2005. She has an unwavering thirst for knowledge of mysticism. She finds it rewarding to help others become their best selves by providing freedom through expressive movement. Dance has been her passion and her heart song that has been a monumental outlet for her to work through and heal her childhood trauma.  

Sacred Geometry Board 

Chapters

00:00, Embracing Your Heart Song and Choosing Yourself

19:24, The Power of Surrender and Manifestation

32:00, Setting Boundaries and Being Less Tolerant of BS

33:42, Finding Solitude and Practicing Self-Care

36:13, Following Your Heart Song and Embracing Self-Expression

37:12, The Power of Surrendering and Allowing Manifestations to Unfold

38:08, Letting Go of Limitations and Control in Manifestation

39:08, Building a Relationship with Guides and Angels

40:11, The Role of Intuition and Recognizing Patterns

41:38, Ancestral Healing and Breaking Patterns for Personal Growth

Connect with Iridessa:
Boise Aerial & Fitness
YouTube
Instagram

Connect with Kristin:
Website
Instagram
YouTube

Kristin's Best-Selling Book:
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Kristin:

I'm Kristen Birdwell and this is Facts Draw Pencil. I'm excited about it and I told myself it's kind of like a statement heirloom peach. I've got to have some some um what is it called? Kids or something or somebody to give it to. But I'm gonna have like lots of cool shit to give somebody one day.

SPEAKER_02:

Um you want to have kids?

Kristin:

I don't know. You know, that came up in my healing session today. It's like, do I want to have kids? And you know, with my ex, I definitely made AI babies. I would probably wait to make AI babies, which if you don't know, and I'm gonna say this for listeners, it's for like I found this website where I could input a photo of him, a photo of me, and I could choose the sex or gender, and um and out pops this like AI generated uh baby, and she was adorable and it like got me in my feels. I was like, oh my god, it'd be beautiful to have your name her. No, I didn't. No, but but I love the name Sloan, we know that.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah, own ranger. I don't know.

Kristin:

I just Sloan stands for warrior or something when I looked it up at one point. How are you, darling? My fellow Egypt queen, my my river queen, fellow adventurer to Egypt.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm good, I'm good, you know. Like, I don't know. I'm getting ready to start my period, so I'm kind of like, in that phase.

Kristin:

Yeah, I just came out of mine, so I'm I'm starting to get my shine back.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I'm kind of like, uh, we'll meet in the middle somewhere. I'm good, but I'm just not like my normal, like, yeah, yeah.

Kristin:

But your hair looks bomb, you look bomb. I love it. I'm happy to be here with you and chat all the things.

SPEAKER_02:

Me too.

Kristin:

Me too. I love kind of like I sent her a couple things that I wouldn't mind like touching on, but I also love that we can just flow and like see where it goes too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, so I would love to talk about Egypt a little bit. Okay, yeah. Would you one, do you have a favorite place that we went to or talk to? And then two, like, were there any like big takeaways that you left, or what was one of the biggest takeaways that you left? And I found my journal. I don't know if I told you, but I found my journal. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02:

I was like imagining that that was me and I lost my journal.

Kristin:

I was like, Yeah, I felt wounded. Yeah, had the the wound from my stepmother reading my journal back in the day, and that actually came up in my healing session today. Um, but then and then I found the journal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you have a stepmom?

Kristin:

I did.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, but I never heard you talk about your stepmom before until Yeah, yeah.

Kristin:

You know, it was traumatic. It was not the best relationship. Like she um, and and and now I have more self-compassion and forgiveness for her because of what she was going through. And um, and I didn't have you know that wherewithal when I was a little honoring kid. However, though, there were some things that as an adult she should not have done, like throw videotapes at me from across the room, you know. And so not cool. Um, but she had she did lose her daughter. Um, and that came up in my healing session as well, about you know, around seven, eight years old. I think I was in the fourth grade, and my stepsister um was raped and left for dead. And so she died. Yeah. She died. And so, and then that was a wound for me because I got it was also like, do I do I feel safe? You know, or is it safe to be a woman? Is it safe? And then I kind of also what came up with my obsession was like maybe it was the first time that I'd ever met death in that way or and that sort of thing. And I also there was not not a lot of I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral, they were trying to protect me from certain things, but you know, it was just she was married to your dad. My my stepmom was, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So is she not your stepmom because your dad died?

Kristin:

They divorced and when I was in high school, and we just never had any relationship or contact otherwise. I've done a couple of a couple of moments in my life, like I've seen her Facebook page and I've and I've creeped on it a couple of times. I'm like, and what is she doing? But um, and I'm like, does she do this toward to me? Um, but no, there was just a lot of wounding, and just like I'm I don't care to have a relationship. I've like worked on like more of the forgiveness or releasing of any attachments to it.

SPEAKER_02:

Um was that her only daughter?

Kristin:

Yeah, she had a couple of sons, but that was her only daughter.

SPEAKER_02:

So my stepmom is four years older than Brandon. Or no, she's no, no, no. She's 11 days older than Brandon. Oh wow, and she's four years older than me.

Kristin:

Wow, how does that yeah?

SPEAKER_02:

So I moved in the house when she was 12. Or no.

Kristin:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

I was 12 and she was 16. Oh wow, and then she turned 17 and then I turned 13.

Kristin:

Whoa.

SPEAKER_02:

So that's my stepmom.

Kristin:

Wow. So what kind of relationship did y'all have?

SPEAKER_02:

I mean she's a child, yeah. Like I was always the adult, like I have a bigger sister, but I'm like the big sister, and I was the parent out of my mom and my dad. And so here I am, super mature for my age, as it is, as a 12-year-old, and then I have a very immature 16-year-old stepmom.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

And I don't think she really grew up till she was about 30. So that was what, 14 years later. Um but she wasn't great. I mean, she thinks she was amazing, like she talks about how she was the best stepmom and how great she was.

Kristin:

And I'm just like not really, but do you communicate with her still, or do you did you ever communicate that to her, like your side of the things?

SPEAKER_02:

She's one of those that like if you kind of tell her, she's not gonna hear you.

Kristin:

Yeah, I get that. That's I I feel like if I yeah, same. I don't think that there would be any openness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And I've like tried to tell her, but like I she doesn't get it, but I don't know. Like I've written her letters and ripped them up.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, nice. That's a good practice.

SPEAKER_02:

And like I've screamed at her and yelled at her. Um so I've had lots of like conversations, like calling her energy in, but I mean she wouldn't get it.

Kristin:

Yeah, you know, I actually love that as a healing technique to write her. You know, I don't think I've ever written my stepmom a letter, and I think I'm gonna do that. Uh so you've inspired me to do that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And then like I did this as a life quest one time. So you write a letter to your parents. So I had to write a letter to my mom, write a letter to my dad.

Kristin:

Wait, did I press record? Okay, okay, making sure. Okay, yeah, I did. Okay, sorry. That was a really cool line.

SPEAKER_02:

That was a super cool line. Um, so I had to write a letter to my mom and to my dad, but then I wrote the letter from their perspective to me. So that's like one thing that was really cool, but yeah, I've written her letters and read them out.

Kristin:

I've done that, that I've done that in some ways, but not with my stepmom. I've primarily focused on like aspecting with different parts of myself with my dad and my mom, just like, but I mean, I definitely had those other caregivers in the mix. So it's probably good to address.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Well, it came up today.

Kristin:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You never mentioned it before.

Kristin:

Yeah. So by the way, yeah, if you're in Austin and uh you're into healing, the house of healing in Lakeway is incredible. I mean, I got I did that, I did their chi machine this morning, then I got adjusted, and then I went and did an emotional alignment. Oh my god, fantastic.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, but you're did I just see on Instagram when Nikki was there for the like the first time you had a chiropractic adjustment?

Kristin:

Yeah, yeah. That was just like yeah, ever. I was scared. There's like a control thing and a neck thing. How was it? I'm now I'm like, this is great. Um, I've got my pillow, you know, that I'm using my podcast, and my uh he's like, we got to fix up your whole death situation, and I'm watching different posture videos, and yeah. So do you see a chiropractor at all?

SPEAKER_02:

Or um, yeah, I have three chiropractors and I go three or four times a week and another one once a week, and then every six to eight weeks. Wow, wow, and I've been doing that for I don't know, since 2016. So like eight years. Wow, I take my little Jasper. Jasper goes to the chiropractor twice a week, sometimes three, and then Cooper and Bellet, like every other like for the dogs, right? Yeah, yeah, you know, I my cat there too.

Kristin:

That's cool. See, he actually gave animal alignments or adjustments in California, but in Texas, for some reason, he can't touch them. I guess Texas has some interesting law or something.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I have to have like a vet oh send like an okay for them to adjust them.

Kristin:

Oh, maybe that's a little loophole. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's weird.

Kristin:

Yeah. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02:

So then you had another chiropractic. So how many chiropractic adjustments?

Kristin:

Now I'm on a protocol. Like, so I had one that Nikki put with uh when she was visiting, and that was my first time. And then I went once the following week um to kind of like look at my x-rays and talk about like a treatment protocol. Right now, as best as I can, I'm trying to do three times a week, but I have a lot of travel. So um, you know, this week I'm able to do three, next week I'm able to do three, but the following it's like one, and then the following it's two. So it's like what I can, but I'm supposed to do it three times a week for a month, and then two times a week for a month, and then one time a week, and then maybe go to every other week or once a month.

SPEAKER_02:

That's great.

Kristin:

I will tell you though, like the other day, speaking of periods, this um we like I told him, I was like, Yeah, I'm about to start my period. He's like, Oh, that's great. Thanks for letting me know. And he's like, a lot of women will come here if they are having like some kind of pain or discomfort. And I swear I had the uh the visit, I came back and I started my period. Oh, I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_02:

I've noticed it's really weird that because I go to the chiropractor, I know like I know when C7 or C6 is out, or I'm like L5 is out, like T4. Like I know exactly what's out. Um, and my hips seem to always be right on, and she doesn't have to adjust them right before my period. I would think it would be opposite.

Kristin:

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02:

But I I've noticed that.

Kristin:

That's so when did you did you come after a wreck or something? Or what made your what inspired your visits to go to I've been in uh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. You're good.

SPEAKER_02:

I've been in five car accidents.

Kristin:

Whoa.

SPEAKER_02:

Whoa. So I'm gonna just chalk it up to that.

SPEAKER_04:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

And I do a lot of physical stuff with my body, and so if you are not physically right, it hurts or you can't do it. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Kristin:

That's true. Yeah, let's tell them a little bit about what you're what you do. That I mean, it's dancing is her heart song, and she gave me that word. I can't take credit for it. I love it. Isn't that the one of the best words ever? Heart song. Like, what is your heart song? Oh I love it.

SPEAKER_02:

I love it when you say it because I'm used to saying it, so it's really nice.

Kristin:

So beautiful. I literally, so I got one of those boards, you know, like um from uh Marie's dude, Steven, who's great. Oh, yeah. He made like a um uh what is it, sacred geometry board and put crystals in it so that I can write people's names um down. Well, that's my intention is to write like the people that I'm working with or people in my life that are um calling forth or birthing stories in some way. And so that's what I put in the center. I put healing stories and heart songs. You're actually you're on my board. Yeah. Um, but yeah, tell people what your heart song is, or what a how do you how would you describe a heart song and what is your heart song?

SPEAKER_02:

So a heart song to me is like a longing and a calling and like an aching and a yearning. Like, no matter how much you ignore it or pretend like it's not there, or like you put it down, or you you know, don't do it for a while. It's just like, you know, if you have like an enormous craving for ice cream, it's like not gonna go away until you eat some ice cream, right? And so it's just something that like is so deeply ingrained with you that no matter how much you suppress it or ignore it or walk away from it, like you can't shake it, you know? So, and that's me with dance. Like, I remember at first I really didn't I I didn't really like dance, and I was like two and a half well, actually I was one. I remember I think I started walking at like nine months. So I wasn't quite two years old. And I did a dance, I remember that in acrobatics, and like I didn't really uh I didn't like or dislike it then, but I remember when I was like three, I was like, I don't know if I really like this, but it was good, and my mom made me do it, and I think it was because she didn't do it, but then like I think when I turned about seven or eight, like I was like, I love this, right? And then we did like nine hours of dance a week, and then like friends and family would always be annoyed with us because they were like, Would you just hold still? Would you quit moving? Would you quit dancing? And we were like always dancing everywhere that we went, and then it became like a really good outlet for me because I didn't have a very good home life, and so it was like today I get to go to dance, and I get to express myself, I don't have to be home with my mom, and you know, and then growing up, you know, you graduate and it's like working two jobs, dreaming about dance and looking at dance and driving past dance studios and like wanting to go take, but like I'm at work, you know. And then I started performing again in like 2006, and it was like hip hop, billy dance, and I used to travel around and do that, and I don't know, then it was like we'd go to LA and it was so amazing because you there's so many studios and there's so many classes and there's so many artists, and like I worked with people I worked with choreographers on So You Think You Can Dance before they were on So You Can Dance. Wow, and like Brittany Spears showed up at one of the things, and you know, it's like I don't know, and then I would come to Idaho, and then I'm like, there's nothing here, and it was sad. It was like going to Egypt and then going back home, right? And you're like, What? And um, so then I just decided to open a studio because I taught at this studio and that studio, and you know, didn't share the same visions as all the owners and this and that. And I was like, Well, I need creative freedom to do whatever I want. Then I opened my own studio, and so it's like dance and aerial and poll and love it, yeah. You gotta be in line with or it hurts. That's what it is.

Kristin:

I'm getting a line to come to your studio.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, yes, you are because I want to do sound bath and like yoga, but um I'm putting roses.

Kristin:

Ooh, cool, wouldn't it be cool? Like to uh to be like what suspended in the air and do a sound bath? Yes, dope. Yeah, I've seen the people do it in the in the pools on the little rafts or something where they're like floating, which is cool too. But um the that's cool. The suspend, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I want to do that.

Kristin:

Let me up. Let me know.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll let you know. So that's my heart song.

Kristin:

I love it, and I love the way that you described it too. But a longing and a calling and a yearning. That's so true. And that writing totally comes up to me for that because, like, no matter how long or how many times I abandoned it, abandoned my desire, always came back, and it was like finally the pain of not doing it was greater than the pain of doing it. And so, like, I was like, I've just gotta it it's less painful for me to write my story than sit with the the feelings of not doing it anymore.

SPEAKER_04:

Not doing it, yeah.

Kristin:

And so that that resonates with me um to an degree, and so many things can be like people's heart songs, like I think it can be creativity in any shape or form, or yeah, I don't know, expressing yourself having an outfit, yeah. Maybe that's another way to describe it as the desire for expression, what is being called for expression. Um what is your heart uh calling for you to sing?

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly.

Kristin:

I love that. Okay, back to Egypt.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, Egypt. What what are the what are that meaning?

Kristin:

Yeah, what was your favorite one or two things or moments? Um, and then if you had any like takeaways, I'm curious.

SPEAKER_02:

So the Sphinx was I mean the Sphinx was I mean it was all powerful for me. Yeah, yeah. So it's really hard because we did so many.

Kristin:

We did so much.

SPEAKER_02:

The Sphinx was really cool. Um I had a very magical experience there, and then the pyramid was just like like what the F yo yeah what what did you know that we had a recording for that? Yes, okay.

Kristin:

I was just making sure that you know I found it in um WhatsApp with the pr the the prayer, yes, yeah, a couple of different things in there, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, but it I didn't know right away, I didn't know till we were back and I kept looking at stuff. Yeah, because I was so sad. I missed everybody.

Kristin:

I was really yeah, and then I it really was beautiful, like kudos. I mean, just like to everyone that that came and from Marie for organizing and Walid. I mean everybody, it was so beautiful. Like we now have this family across the globe, and it was this big expansive experience. So I did, and I still feel like I'm in it a little bit, like a little bit of a contraction phase. Yeah, um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um to me, it almost feels like a dream.

Kristin:

Like I know best dream ever.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I absolutely know it was real. But like, how long do you think it seems like we've been back?

Kristin:

In some ways it seems like we've been back longer. Um but it's only been I guess almost two months now. That's crazy. Um yeah, it feels a little longer for the amount of it kind of feels like we time traveled a little bit.

SPEAKER_02:

We did. We absolutely did. Like and it feels close if you reca if you connect back to it.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_02:

But then it seems so far away. Yeah, there's parts there's parts of me that are still there and I don't know if I'll ever come back. You know, like seriously. Like um I thought well there's very much some intentional parts that I left too that were gonna that was supposed to die in that sarcophagus stay there so I had this um bracelet uh Nikki had to help me put it on and it was like you know the ones that go oh beautiful like around the finger and then like you know and it was like broken and so I left it at the altar at ISIS after I said my thing, like I dropped it like oh wow, yeah, but I didn't want to drop it until I spoke.

Kristin:

Yeah, beautiful. Did you leave it?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I left it there.

Kristin:

Oh beautiful, yeah. Wow, and how powerful that ISIS, too.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah, I mean that was and and Hathor. I loved Hathor name.

Kristin:

I left a crystal at Hathor.

SPEAKER_02:

Did you?

Kristin:

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_02:

That's cool.

Kristin:

It was very symbolic for Tim for me of to leave people, places, things better than I found them. And that's um, I was like, oh and in some ways that might be triggering them, but right, right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know. I felt like Hathor was more playful and like just fun and just like inner child.

Kristin:

I felt yeah, yeah, playful.

SPEAKER_02:

I felt very inner child there. It this like hide and seek to me. Yeah, yeah, it was very playful. The Sphinx, I felt like reverence and kind of like I can't think of that word. The pyramid was just like powerful, yeah. Like, what segment I felt, I mean, I wanted to say fiery, but I don't want to be like cliche, but like I don't know. I felt um I had anxiety a little bit before that, but I just wanted to dance and like move. I did it because everybody else was in the middle room and everybody was taking turns going in. Yeah, I stayed in the other room by myself and I like danced the whole time. Wow, moved the whole time. I couldn't quit moving.

Kristin:

Nice. You know, I've been working with her a little bit more since uh coming home because I have like zero fire in my chart. Zero. Oh, like your astrology chart? Like my astrology chart is zero fire. I think I even um did this new app called Horos or something from uh actually Joy recommended it, she's been on this podcast, but um there was some kind of way that I can share this somehow, um, or look at it, and it's where is it? Astros, how do I details? Yeah, okay, so earth 39, air 31, water 30, fire zero percent.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you kidding?

Kristin:

Like zero, zero. So I think it's powerful for me to cultivate some kind of um yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and you got that ring, yeah, yeah.

Kristin:

And so I was like, wow, interesting.

SPEAKER_02:

That's neat.

Kristin:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

That's really neat. What was your favorite?

Kristin:

What was your I'm I mean was always I mean, also I across the board it was like just such a powerful like experience. Um definitely, I mean, Sphinx Pyramid, that was like one day. We'll just count that as one since it's one day.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh they're near each other.

Kristin:

If I was going for most that I felt, then it's the ISIS. Yeah. Oh, of course. Like if I the if I'm feeling, but I mean, I you know, like I think you mentioned someday or something to me that's like you may have not have consciously felt something at a temple, but you know, you're uh a part of you knows, right?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, yeah. Um so with ISIS though, like did you feel it the whole time or it wasn't until you stepped up to the altar?

Kristin:

I felt something the whole time.

SPEAKER_02:

The whole time.

Kristin:

Yeah. There was a little, like there was at least while we're in that holy of holy rooms. I mean walking back there, I may have started to feel little tingles, a little fear, like looking at the bats. Like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_04:

That was cool.

Kristin:

Yeah, I was like, I need to close my mouth.

SPEAKER_02:

If I look up like you said that before on your Instagram post, and I didn't get it. What's the whole if you open your mouth?

Kristin:

You know, like if I because if I if they shit and if I ingest it and it has rabies, and it has rabies, I didn't want to ingest it, so I was like, uh they shit while they fly. I have no idea, but I mean birds do. Yeah, I'm assuming I was just thinking they were like other flying things.

SPEAKER_02:

I wonder. I wondered. I have no idea, but I was like, I didn't want to fly.

Kristin:

I have no idea, but I didn't want to take my chances.

SPEAKER_02:

That's cute. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people kind of had breakdown moments and like stuff when we were there.

Kristin:

Yeah, breakdowns and breakthroughs.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, both.

Kristin:

Yeah, for sure. Um, did you have any potent like takeaways or anything that you journaled about after or there?

SPEAKER_02:

Or I couldn't write when I was there.

Kristin:

Yeah, I like that. It means you're just more present.

SPEAKER_02:

Um takeaways that I have is just you know, life is short. And I was learning to choose me for that, but now I'm like really choosing me. And if I don't choose me, I get nipped in the butt pretty fast, pretty quick. Um I have less patience and tolerance for BS. Yeah, you know, it's just like uh but I'm also thinking, you know, it was so high, it was so high vibe that like I I like when I came back I couldn't like read emails properly, like I couldn't function in in the 3D world at all for a good three, four weeks.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like I could drive. I slept like the first week, cried, you know. But and now there's just certain things that are in that I'm just like, no, like I'm just this is I don't have time for this. This is not okay.

Kristin:

Yeah. Um quicker judge of what's resonant and what's not.

SPEAKER_02:

Like boundaries, like I think firmer boundaries, like things that I would have tolerated prior that maybe weren't serving me. You know, I don't I don't settle for less.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't settle for less anymore. Um solitude, like it's really important to have my me time. Um I don't know, I haven't really journaled anything.

Kristin:

Those are a lot of good takeaways.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh that's a lot.

Kristin:

That's good.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh using the bar and the standard for how people treat me and who I with.

Kristin:

Boom, mic drop. Here's the baseline, bitches.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. And it was here, and now it's here.

Kristin:

Jump, jump, jump.

SPEAKER_02:

Chriss Cross will make it.

Kristin:

Jump jump jump, jump.

SPEAKER_02:

How about you? What are your takeaways?

Kristin:

You know, there's a blend of some of those, um, for sure. Using my voice more.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yes, I remember.

Kristin:

Uh using yeah, using my voice, less fear of being seen. Um definitely like, yeah, just uh look bullshit meter, I would say that's accurate.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah.

Kristin:

Um and and just a clear knowing of what I want to do in some ways. And in some ways, it's like I don't know how. So I'm trying not to focus that I don't know how, and just like that act of surrender and like what you know, I was chatting with someone the other day, and I can't remember who or what it was about, but about surrendering a little more um and not like trying to force my way for something to uh manifest because what may manifest may be better for me than what I can consciously think of. And I loved it. Um, and um, so I'm looking leaning into that a little more.

SPEAKER_02:

So I'm gonna read you, I'm looking it up.

Kristin:

Yeah, please.

SPEAKER_02:

This is my favorite thing, and I try to like say it multiple times a day, but I saw it and it absolutely changed my life, and I have it written on pieces of paper, like everywhere.

SPEAKER_00:

Please.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, all right, here it is. Since the tapestry of all time has already been woven, everything I could ever want to happen in my life already exists in that infinite non-physical plane. My only task is to expand my earthly self enough to let it into this realm. So if there's something I desire, the idea isn't to go out and get it, but to expand my own consciousness to allow universal energy to bring it into my reality here. And that's like Anita Merjani.

Kristin:

Love it.

SPEAKER_02:

Because my whole life I've forced things, I've chased things, I get in my own way. It has to look a certain way, like dot the I, cross the T, you know, it's like it can it has to be packaged perfectly and it has to look like this. Well, I just blocked every possibility of which way it can right. So it's like, you know, you read all these manifestation things and they tell you do this, do that, do that, which you gotta do a little bit of that, but if you just surrender and allow it to come to you, but that is so hard. It's opposite of like what we're used to doing.

Kristin:

Yeah. And focus on and like leaning into more of like, okay, I want that. Like, I want this. What is the feeling? Like, I it's really the feeling that I think that it'll bring that I'm really seeking. Yeah. So the focusing on the feeling part of it. I've been leaning into that uh more. I love these like Joe Dispenza morning meditations, and I can go a little bit past. Okay, yeah, because we started a little bit late, too. Yeah, no, yeah. I was gonna say, um, if you have a little space, I can go a little bit.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, we're like at 38.

Kristin:

Okay, cool. Um yeah, no, it's so we are what would you say? Do you have any tools or practices that you lean on to help with that?

SPEAKER_02:

Or which part?

Kristin:

The surrendering or not blocking the how or um focusing on feelings, or what do you or you know, I think feeling it and seeing it and or like being in it, like immersing yourself in it and feeling it and seeing it as if it's like actually happening is a good thing, and then not like putting limitations on it has to come on Thursday at 10 a.m.

SPEAKER_02:

It has to come like this, and it has to be like this, and it has to look like that. That's the that's I'm my own worst enemy in that way. So whenever like I find myself being upset or mad or unhappy because it isn't here yet, or it didn't come how I wanted it to, I'm like, okay, you just gotta like, you know, grab a handful of confetti and like put, you know, speak your dream into it, and then just poof, and then however it, you know, so I just have to remind myself that I'm getting in my own way and to stop trying to force it and control it because I am limiting the way in which it can manifest. So I have I do have to really, you know, like to have this new thing where I'm working with a new trainer and I'm always like this. And she's like, tuck your chin, tuck your chin, tuck your chin. So I'm like driving and like all these things where I'm now everything that I'm doing, like I'll wake up and I'm sleeping, and I'm like, tuck your chin. Yeah, you know, so it's just like the same thing where it's like, oh, I'm falling into my old pattern. Open, breathe, open, explain consistency, yeah, to change any of those patterns, and a willingness, intention and and recognizing when you're doing it, because I think that's one of the instead of breaking you, you gotta like recognize when you're doing it, because otherwise then you're like, Oh yeah.

Kristin:

My deal is I've been holding my phone up to my face. Like if I because he's like, you know, my chiropractor guy is Kenji, and he's like, Don't look down on the phone, bring it up.

SPEAKER_02:

I do the same thing. Yeah, I'll be like this, but then part of me is like, 'cause I don't want to have wrinkles. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna get like right.

Kristin:

It's so funny. Girl. Okay, and you know, one thing that I definitely wanted to touch on you too, um, with you is the connection to guides and angels and that sort of thing. Um, how did your journey begin in that realm? And then do you have or like how do you how do you what do you recommend for building a relationship? And then yeah, any tips? I feel like I'm just starting. Like I'm calling on people, but I don't really know exactly who I'm calling on.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Um, and sometimes still like I don't even know, you know, but like I don't know, there's some things that you just can't make up. You know, when you when you get something, it's like I did not just pull that out of my butt. Like what? Like where like where did that come from? You know what I mean? And that's when you like know that it's something more than your larger than you. Um, I think I've always had really good intuition. And you know, if you don't listen to yourself, it bites you in the butt too. Like you get slapped. Like, hello, I told you not to do that. Like you didn't listen, and now here's the consequences. Yeah. So, and I'm gonna say, you know, your intuition, I feel like, is your higher self. And I also feel like, you know, your angel's probably involved in that. Um like what I learned is we have a guardian angel with us all the time, as soon as we I think we enter the womb, right? And your guardian angel is with you through your whole life. So um, I just had a really effed up traumatic trial childhood, and when you're you when you normalize abuse and you normalize trauma as normal when it's not, because that's all you know, and then like attracts like, right? And so I've also learned about love language, like my own experience with love language, I was in my family's love language, right? And they imprinted on me that, and so then I attracted that same love language, which is toxicity or chaos, yeah, you know, and I think it was like 2004, 2005, like I moved a lot. It seems like every six months I moved somewhere new, which is very ungrounding. I mean, I always kept the same job, but I did move jaw, I didn't put up with stuff for too long, but I would put up with it pat, you know. Yeah you're used to being a doormat, so you're a doormat, right? So um I had a breakup with a boyfriend, but then like still lived with him. I've done that twice. Super uncomfortable, super awkward. And then whatever friend or whatever like your family is, then they seem to always choose hit, you know, my boyfriend. And so my whole all then I my foundation is gone because all of our friends are like, and then you're basically kicked out of the tribe.

Kristin:

I felt that with my last relationship or longer term relationship. It felt like a divorce in some ways that um I'm not asking people to choose, but like all these friends, y'all are my friends too, and now I don't have y'all, and this feels very like cast out of the community or shunned, and yeah, it's hurtful.

SPEAKER_02:

It's tribal shaming, you know, and you know, fam families do that. If you don't go to school, if you don't go to church, or if you don't go to this school, and if you don't do this, and if you drop out, we don't want anything to do with you, or if you're gay, like you know, all these different things. If you're not how we want you to be, then we're gonna punish you and we're gonna kick you out of the tribe. So that happened, and then I just found myself I wasn't happy with my job, and second breakup, and it's just like I need something more out of life. And it was a chiropractor that I went to at the time, and the girl who was the assistant worked, she was part of this spiritual community, and she had a shaman teacher. And she told me that she thought I needed to work with a shaman.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

And so she gave me like two a couple of days, and then she gave me somebody's phone number. But before that, I kind of went to some classes with her about like energy, like your mental, emotional, your spiritual, your astral, your dream, your ethereal body, people call them different things, and what the energies that make up your auric field, right? So we worked on that, but I was like in a class with like seven to like 15-year-olds, and I was in my mid-20s. Yeah, I was like the only adult in the class with like everybody, but I didn't care because I was like, I want to learn like different stuff because whatever I'm doing and I've been doing is not working for me anymore. And she's the only person that I knew. And then she sent me to a shaman lady, and so then I worked with her. Um, and we did like a series of six-month uh angel sweat lodges, and you work with different angels, and you find out your angel family, and you you meet once a month and you do the sweat lodge, and then you meet once a month and have a one-on-one with her. Um, and then we did like a little retreat after that. And so based on that, the first thing that I started working with was my angel. Um, and did that process, but then also I've always kind of like I didn't have a good mom, I didn't have a good dad, I didn't have a good stepmom. So I kind of had a problem with authority, like not with being rebellious, but just like not trusting in the authority. So I had a hard time connecting with my guides and trusting in my guides because so I had a They had my best interest, yeah. Right, like all the rest of my authority figures have not been. that great so what's the difference between them and you um so I projected that onto that experience um and then like you know working in I worked with some ancestors I did some ancestry work um ancestors from past lives or who I actually was in a past life um but that was like processes that I did with my teacher and now like some of the best moments happen when I'm like either in the yard going for a walk in the bathroom which is funny because I've recently heard that like water magnetizes anything. So if you want to manifest something do it when you're in water. Yeah right so you have the support of water which I I have I haven't really tried that a whole lot but I know that it works.

Kristin:

I say things sometimes in the shower yes um yeah say it or think it yeah we're we're because think of it like we're how much percentage water 70% 70 or something at least yeah so yeah I'm like why it's important to drink water yeah yeah so the exact percentage can vary from 45 to 75% depending on age sex and hydration levels interesting yeah so we're mostly water and then I wonder what percentage of earth is water that'd be an interesting oh that is interesting let's see let's check it out how similar it is to our bodies yeah that's interesting percentage of earth is water roughly 71% of the earth's surface is covered by water well and was that different as above so below Bitus and I wonder if that's different from like um with global warming like you know like with stuff melting or not or if you believe in it or I don't know if we have climate change probably well it just seems like things have been shifting but oh my gosh it's been so hot here. Yeah same I mean like it's hot here it's hot earlier um weird freezes I mean like we used to get a freeze though I guess every now and then you guys had a bad freeze on all the pipes though yeah a couple of times yeah because it was luckily I missed that stuff but yeah you weren't there I wasn't no I was in um Costa Rica actually oh yeah how wonderful call it intuition I'm gonna call it intuition I'm gonna I went there to go get do uh my own version of eat pray love after that breakup that I was talking about um I went to eat uh Costa Rica for about a month and I was like I'm gonna do my heat like eat pray love like the movie like the book yeah I was like I'm gonna go do my own version in Costa Rica and work on my book so I was editing there and so it was beautiful like I'd wake up with a sunrise go to yoga eat some good breakfast and my Spanish improved I was just walking everywhere or catching a ride every now and then or I think I rode an A T V once it was amazing. It was it was incredible I did that for like a little almost a month.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you kidding me?

Kristin:

Yeah a month yeah I was like well because at the time whenever I split from him I had moved most of my stuff into storage so I was like a little nomadic. So I was staying with a girlfriend of mine initially in Houston and then I had a flight credit from something from COVID earlier COVID days and I was like I'm gonna use this see what this flight credit can be used for. Ended up being like within dollar amounts of the same ticket price to go to Costa Rica. Yeah and I was like well that's a sign if I've ever seen one is that like the longest you've been gone is a month um let's see I I would say yeah probably that's I had thoughts of like shoot do I move here my stuff's already in storage like what what what could I bring? Do I bring my sound bowls do I bring my yeah I really do like sound bowls you have sound bowls I do yeah yeah I did a little sound certification thing um a while back and so I have at least three bowls I have two drums I want to get some more bowls or like some like rainy stuff like a rain stick or um some stuff you seen the triangle yeah like the pyramid thing like that I think she got on me today so when did you do your sound healing thing? Um that might have been 2017 or 18. What kind of bowls do you got um the crystal yeah or I want to say quartz how do you connect with your guides you know um I've had a couple of things well one I was like I think I was coming off a mushroom experience in the in West Texas and um and so that's why I initially discredited because I was like was I just fucked up yeah so I um but no I had a conversation and I don't know if this is a no he's a guide but I don't know if um it's more alien kind of thing or galactic there we go I like that word better or more galactic um because he the message he was coming and I felt this like very warm sensation on my back and he was just like all about love and spreading love and like be love and I was his message was love and I was like well what do I call you he's like Al I'm like cool all right okay yeah and then um but the next day I was leaving and packing up I'm like kind of discrediting it like did that happen right I don't know like yeah can't make certain things up yeah no but then I I had a in my playlist I had a six hour drive home and I was like you know what I I either thought this or I said it out loud I've probably thought it but I was like I need a sign show me a sign that that was real and so I pressed shuffle on my i iTunes not iTunes but Spotify playlist and um and you the song you can call me al popped up and I was like oh perfect perfect so I've got Al I've done a vision session so I did this course through Alyssa Malhorn I love her um called Lightworker Academy and so I did that course a while back too and um there's something kind of guide meditation and a Native American guy came through. So I'm I know I have Al I'm a Native American dude and then I just call on I just say like my um guides angels of communication teaching learning um healing thank you for your support and guidance through either whether it's this podcast or through a conversation or through whatever and it just really feels like it helped um like I whether the topics it's reached or just the amount of um trust or just in myself and I don't know it just seems increased or elevated. And yeah so I've consciously been working on that more and calling on them um this year for sure. Like I'll have moments or pockets where I'll journal it or like little thing but like very much like this is like I'm like this is one of the things this year that it's very consciously guided my energy towards um and so yeah. And then I guess my I was having that session with Grace who's like my therapist slash spiritual guide um and she's like the super grounded and woo-woo if you want to call it that. But she was we were talking about guides and she asked she's like what about your dad? I was like oh I didn't realize I could have my dad as a guy. And so um and then after this healing session I was like oh I guess my dad and Wade my friend that died before I went into high school I was like I guess he's my one of my guides too probably so but definitely like dad and that sort of thing. And so and she was saying something along the lines of um you can yeah if he's if he's not a part of your team like show he can know he knows how to communicate to hers or something. And also I've been leaning into segment ISIS um a little bit of Hathor but really segment since fire fire like cultivating that fire. And ISIS like since coming back from Egypt I you know Marie said something about having my Isis wings and then they can be as big as I want them to be and so sometimes I really consciously like how big are my wings today and I walk with them like with that I'm like how would how would ISIS walk or how I'm like so I'm consciously like walking with my wings and she's like they can be as big as Texas if you want them to be as big as Texas. And so I was like oh cool. So that's just something that's been added since Egypt is the ISIS and segment stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

Have you listened to Marie's Isis um getting your ISIS wings? No I don't think so she's got a video about ISIS wings so that's the first time like I connected with ISIS wings um but at the Sphinx I got some mother effing like gold thick big things. Hell yeah they were just like huge and um then it's like I have Isis wings for each of my chakras so it went from being here to like every one of my chakras got a pair of assis wings. And they're gold right I love it. But I feel I like I honestly feel like if I hadn't have listened to Marie's meditation about that I it may have happened but I don't know if it would have happened to the extent that it happened or if I would have known what that what was going on.

Kristin:

I'm gonna look it up and link it. Look it up an ISIS wing meditation.

SPEAKER_02:

It might be it might be on her circle I don't know if she has that anymore I checked it a little while ago and it was still there. Oh okay I just think since she's been in Avalon she hasn't like okay turned it off yet yeah I'm like how is she doing in Avalon? I don't know I haven't even heard of it. Are you gonna go I want to are you going? I w I wanna go for sure let's remeet and so I have this right because I got did you get cards? Well yeah I did okay okay is this the onk yeah right remember I got this there beautiful so yesterday was 717 so it was like the 717 portal and Brandon was driving and he's like I had a random thought like did I close my onk in the pyramid and he's like I don't think I closed my onk in the pyramid so he closes the onk in the pyramid yesterday while he's driving right but he's used to doing this kind of stuff and he's like as soon as I did he's like I shit you not he's like lightning struck how cool yeah how freaking cool um so I was looking for the Oracle card thing that I wanted to share with you that I thought was really neat that made sense so it talks about the sarcophagus I don't know where the I have every one of them here except for that one right now. You know Marie had talked about they they traveled and studied and did all these things in order to like go into the sarcophagus. And this little you know when you read in the book when you pull the card um for the sarcophagus it says they had to do like 12 years of training and then they would spend like three days in the sarcophagus and I know people would be like kind of around their body like protecting their body and then they would travel astrally and then bring back whatever after those three days but it says when you lay in the sarcophagus the white light beings enter your body and then it says it takes about 21 days after that for everything to like recapitulate wow and I looked because I haven't felt normal like I have not felt normal which is good right like but I don't did you know I went in there twice in the sarcophagus yes so the guard that we were having a hard time with yeah I didn't have a hard time with him but I got ready to leave and he was like no wait wait wait and then it was like me and Brandon and we're like going to leave and he was like no you get to go back go back in so I went back in so and at that time you I think you guys were in the queen's chamber giving a chill yeah at that point yeah so I went in it twice and so I looked literally 21 days from when we went into it and that's the most normal I'd felt and then I did 21 days again after that and that's like when I felt like I'd finally kind of like landed.

Kristin:

Wow but I'd never heard that before before never love these like little side ventures too like you get what you need and like have like your own like even though we're in a group you have your own experience too which I think is so cool. And I did the math I was like you said 12 years of training and I was like interesting. I had a breakdown in my closet in 2012 that was like very much probably one of the big catalysts catalysts for my uh spiritual and healing journey and it's in my book but um and then my dad died a year later and that was definitely another catalyst but I was like wow okay no maybe I've been in training all this time to get into the sarcophagus yes yes and he wasn't gonna let us do it I know can you remember that yeah he wasn't gonna let us do ceremony and then he finally let us do ceremony and then when we went to go get in it he was like no and then like here we go again yeah can you imagine that there was a lot of resistance that we overcame yes like physically and you know emotionally spiritually yeah yeah no I just remember like looking at him whenever he came over to tell us no um and I was looking at him and I was like oh I've got to consciously send this bro some love. I don't want to be near him but I'm gonna send him love.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep I was doing the same thing.

Kristin:

Yeah I was just like sending love. I'm like yeah I'm like this is happening bro I was like guard guardians of the it's gonna take you a long time to get to the bottom and back up with any reinforcements it's one versus 13. What are we gonna do in here for two hours just sit here and pull more thumbs like what like I know my you know my therapist slash guide um she mentioned it too or something said something and that's when she told me to read that book um something about the flower of life about it something oh yes I have the book too we've got the book and turns out I've already read 70% of it I just don't remember it so I started it over yeah I mean there's a lot of stuff in there I like I had to read and then stop and then read and then stop because I was like this is a lot yeah just a lot there's a lot all right girl what else you want to share anything I don't know I don't I loved our conversation I love where we went me too pinballed all over the place I miss you I miss you I miss you one of the things keeping me going yeah I didn't know I was like I don't know how much more BMW stuff I'm gonna do I was like is this still in resonance with me is this still and then I had a moment like going to this past weekend to Nashville for an event I was chatting with a coworker of mine and it was about grief and signs from our loved ones that have passed on and I just had a moment of like uh this conversation is why I'm here it's not necessarily for XYZ because of the impact yeah you had to meet and connect and talk with uh uh and so I was like oh I get you you I'm being put in places and scenarios to serve in certain ways and it's not always what I think it's gonna be yeah kind of circles back to what we were talking about too about the manifestations in some ways not getting in your own way yeah interesting yeah well where can people find you do want people to find you you know I want to be seen I don't want to be seen I want to be seen isn't that something we have a desire to be known and a fear of being seen what the crap well that's different because I used to perform all the time and performing I know when I'm being seen and I'm choosing when I'm being seen right and that's one thing right but if you open a business or you do something like this then you can just open I don't get to pick and choose when people run across and what they do and like you can only see me here at this time on this date and if you don't come then guess what you missed me right if I put my you my dancing up on YouTube I'm gonna probably put it unlisted you know yeah anyway um so I'm Iridesa blossomed you can find me at Boisey Ariel and fitness.com yeah or Sacred Transmissions on Instagram YouTube Spotify beautiful lovely and I'm gonna be working on some oracle cards with Heather who designed your stuff yes um I've written like up to the fourth chakra part of so cool chakra oracle cards love it I don't know when that'll be we'll see yeah divine timing stuff divine timing it does take timing and you know one of the things that um Candace the um emotional alignment healer um at House of Healing she gave me um she's like you know because I was telling her I have a whole long list of things I want to do and uh sometimes I feel overwhelmed and she's like just circle three things or do three things and then you win the day and I love that and she's like and it can be workout it can be good some days it's go to the grocery store but you still want to win the day and then get a little dopamine hit and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02:

So I love Yeah like kudos to yourself.

Kristin:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

Well and Brandon even said you know because I was like wow I thought this was gonna go see so easy with the Oracle cards and I have all these ideas but like Heather's gonna design some but it's gonna be whatever she can channel but I like literally know exactly what they're supposed to look like but I don't know how to design them.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So I'm like do I go to graphic art school like what AI program do I use? Like how long is this gonna take and then Brandon's like maybe you just make a set for yourself

Kristin:

Mm.

SPEAKER_02:

Right? Like, I don't know.

Kristin:

Start there.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So sometimes it doesn't turn out how you like, oh, I have all this stuff to share with the world. At least I think I do, but do I? But like do people care? Are they interested? Am I going to be received well? Like, what if I what do I want to say to the world? But it's like, what if the world doesn't want to listen to what I have to say? And like all the things. And it's just like, well, then I'll just do it for me.

Kristin:

Well, you know, I think it'll find who it needs to find when it needs when it needs to find them. And that goes for like the cards, it goes for this podcast, it goes for books, it goes for, yeah. What I'm experiencing a lot, it's like a resurgence of my book in some ways. And it's like that seems to be that there were certain things that I had to meet or get to this point today for certain things or catalysts or you know journeys or for people to be introduced to it. And so it's like interesting.

SPEAKER_02:

And that will continue to happen.

Kristin:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, divine synchronicity and intervention.

Kristin:

And I love it. Well, thank you for coming on. I'm about to pee my pants.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. Thanks for having me.

Kristin:

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_04:

Appreciate you.