From Submissive to Dominatrix | Temptress Pixie on BDSM, Pegging, & Power Exchange

This week, I chat with Temptress Pixie, erotic writer, kink educator, dominatrix, and open relationship expert, to explore a world that's often misunderstood. We talked about BDSM, power exchange, pegging, tantra, conscious domination, submission, nervous system regulation, and how kink can become a profound path toward healing.

Whether you're deeply immersed in kink or curious about why so many people find freedom through conscious power dynamics, this conversation goes way beyond whips and chains.

We also get into...
• how she accidentally discovered BDSM through Rihanna's S&M song
• the surprising journey from lifelong submissive to dominatrix
• why communication is the sexiest foreplay
• how fantasy conversations can strengthen relationships
• what tantra and BDSM actually have in common
• why pegging carries so much unnecessary shame
• how play helps us reconnect with parts of ourselves we've forgotten
• and why pleasure, healing, and spirituality might all be speaking the same language.

As always...take what resonates, leave the rest, and stay curious.

Watch the episode on YouTube. 

Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction and guest introduction
01:21 How Timtress Pixie discovered BDSM
03:32 Defining BDSM and kink
04:25 Range of interests in BDSM and kink
05:58 Submissive and dominant roles explained
07:07 Pain, confidence, and power exchange
09:17 The story of the switch to dominance
11:53 Creative role play and trust
14:56 Evolving into full dominance
17:55 The importance of play and imagination
22:40 Daddy and Mommy Dom roles
26:01 BDSM as therapy and emotional healing
27:38 Tantra and energy work in BDSM
32:58 Journey into different BDSM styles and tools
36:55 Pegging: Tips, conversations, and overcoming shame
44:53 Prostate play, anal exploration, and tantra

Connect with Temptress Pixie:
IG: @temptress.pixie & @enm_diaries

Transcript

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Pixie 0:00

I've had full body orgasms from being flogged in in my personal experience. And I've seen it happen to other people also by my floggers, by other other floggers. And there is something that I I truly believe that the the co the tantric like kundalini snake. So it rests in your root chakra and you awaken it and you bring it up, you know, up the chakras. Well, spanking, flogging, is a way to actually awaken that stagnant, the stagnant energy in the root chakra, awaken the snake. And then from there, because I don't just flog, I actually work on moving it up the body.

Kristin 0:39

Welcome back, narlands, my spicy little things. It feels so good to be back in the studio because after a couple of podcasts at home and some audio issues that made me almost want to pull the rest of my hair out, I am so happy to be back here. And today I have on Timtress Pixie. Hi. A fellow writer. We'll get into it. Yeah, I'm like, I want to know all the things. Like, you're also a kinky and open relationship expert. That's yeah, what I define myself as. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, let's go in there. How did you find yourself in this space? Do you remember the first time that you were like, ooh, what is this BDSM stuff? Or okay.

Pixie 1:28

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It's actually, it's one of my favorite stories. It was just, I think, so hilarious. So it was really young. I was there's people who started younger, but I started really kind of getting interested in it about 18. So I remember being at college in my car, and Rihanna's SNM song came on. And I'm like jamming out to a chain's and wits excite me. And I'm like, they do excite me. So I was like, okay, so what's this SM? And of course I started doing my research. And by then, if I was with a partner, I really liked him to be very like empowering and very or not empowering, but like very powerful, sorry, and very in control. I liked them to take charge. I liked, and I really started really getting into spanking and I wanted harder, started getting into like choking. And then so when I heard that song and started looking into SM and then of course BDSM, I was like, oh, this is what I like. And so I started doing my research, reading like different blogs, and I couldn't tell you what that was now because it was well over 10 years ago. So yeah, that's how I got energy song. I love that, and I love that song. I think it's hilarious. Yeah.

Kristin 2:40

I'm pretty sure I used my fake ID somewhere and go jam into that song. I'd have to Google the the year it came out. But I'm like, I love it. Yeah, whips and chains excited. So I want to just like drop in a little nugget of maybe a definition of BDSM for peeps. If this is their first podcast, they happen to stumble across. And they're like, but wait, what is that? And then maybe they only think it's the whips and chains.

Pixie 3:04

And so BDSM is bondage, bondage, discipline, dominance, submissive, sadomasochism. So it's like all the letters kind of mean multiple things. Now I know that a lot of people hear kink a lot more. And there's a lot of there's some people who might not agree with me who are in the BDSM kink community, but how I see it, how I explain it is kink is a bit more of like an umbrella term because kink can involve like multiple play partners. Kink can involve like you love shoes, kink can involve you like, I don't know, love pull like pulling hair is a bit can go into BDSM. But yeah, so kink can have a big variety of interests, but BDSM has a is a bit more specific. So it's the bondage, the discipline, the the dominant submissive, which a lot of people are more common terms used, and then sadiomasochism, which is if you don't know, it's a bit more intense version of Dom sub. Yeah.

Kristin 4:08

I feel like I stumbled into it and I didn't even know what BDSM was. I was like, okay, I'll do what you tell me. Like I just want to please you. So I don't know where that play you know was coming from.

Pixie 4:18

It's a huge range of like where you might fall from just yeah, liking women in high heels or liking men in cowboy hats to you want to be like whipped. Like there's a wide range that you could of interest or being told to get on all fours. So it's very interesting. It's not just one very specific.

Kristin 4:40

I'm like, how did you know I've been into cowboy hats recently?

Pixie 4:45

We're often you know, we're in Texas, it just can be.

Kristin 4:48

Yes, there's some dude from I don't know if he's in Montana or what, and I'm like, you are one sexy cowboy. But it's just a little side note. Yeah. So I know that you've spent time on both the submissive side and the dominant side. Like going back to your story, how you liked a powerful man, take charge. Is that more of like a surrender, like I want to be out of my head type of thing, or just like kind of like a more, I don't know, aggressive is a better word.

Pixie 5:12

Like submissive like surrender, more in submissive. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I started off as a submissive. I was submissive. I could go, yeah, a lot of different things within that world. But submissive.

Kristin 5:22

Yeah.

Pixie 5:23

For from about 18 to about 29, 30. So I was submissive for about 10 years. And yeah, so I liked obviously being not having to think. And it helped me get out of my head and into my body. And I would have my most intense pleasure and my most intense orgasms when there was some form of kink beatism involved because I didn't, I it really just took me out of my head, and I just had to feel, and it was amazing. And then I was very much a masochist, so I liked pain. I really got off on pain. And what I found from that to me, it's like when submissives, I know a lot of people are a little like, you know, hesitant on the pain. Totally respect not everyone likes pain. My partner does not like pain. But for the people who do, so you can kind of understand. To me, I like to describe it as it's like a phoenix being reborn. You get, you choose and you're consciously going into a scene with someone that you trust, and it's safest and secure. You set a boundary and you're gonna take some pain. And then afterwards, it might suck and it might throw a lot of emotions at you. But then afterwards, you're done and you're being like, you're getting your aftercare, and you're like, I just survived that. I'm a badass. I can survive so much more. So it actually gave me so much confidence to be like, I can do so much more. I'm stronger than I might think I am, or someone might think I am. So it was, it's again that power exchange. So you're giving your power to someone else, but in the end, it comes back to you tenfolds.

Kristin 7:03

I guess it's also a good way to witness your resilience. Yeah. And I can see also, I'm like, oh wow, it offers a plethora of opportunity to heal the situations where it wasn't in your choice or power to have experienced that pain. It's like, okay, here's an opportunity in a safe environment. In an absolute safe chat about it, controlled environment or safer. Sometimes I like the word safe can be you know what I mean?

Pixie 7:29

I get that. Yeah. It should be a controlled, conscious environment where you feel safe with your doing this. If you don't feel safe with that person, like no. Listen to the intuition. Yeah, listen to your guy, listen to your intuition, get out if need be. Because to me, the subs, all in all, again, this is a little touchy, some people might disagree, but to me, subs do control the power. They have the power. Yeah. They they choose, it's their power that they're choosing to hand over to someone else, and it's still their power, and they can take it back anytime they want. And if the sub doesn't relinquish power, there's no play. You can't take someone's power from them. And again, we go into really hard core slave mistress or slave master scenarios, but at the beginning of that relationship, that sub has decided to still hand over their power just in a much more intense way. Yeah. So I'm curious now.

Kristin 8:25

How did the switch happen? Yeah. And I want to know where I want to know all the details. Which is not the who, but the where, what, when, why. I know. How it's marked.

Pixie 8:34

And it's probably some of the people's favorite stories. And it's one of the stories that I was actually gonna read part of for my blog. So EM Diaries, so ethically non-monogamous diaries. And it's I call it the chirpy switch. So it goes along with your podcast, I think, very well. So my my partner and I, we when we met, he was the dominant. I was the submissive. We were we also did swinging and polyamory and all that other stuff in the kink and our kink dynamic. He was really my daddy dom, and I was his submissive little. And yeah, we we were about it was 2020. We met in 2016. So what for four or five years? And we are in Tulum, Mexico. We got sick of COVID in America, so we went down to Tulum, and we took some psychedelics and had an amazing time. Prior to this, uh I realized that being in my subspace, so the place where it you can really just fully embrace being a submissive Doms can be, there's Dom series too. It's a beautiful drop-in of just this pure just pureness of present. I realized it wasn't giving me like what it used to give me. It wasn't satiating me like it used to satiate me. And I was having a lot of struggle with that. It for about a year or so. I was like, what is going on? This is who I am. This is my identity as a sub. What why is this happening? And so we're into loom, we took some psychedelics, we had our fun, and I was like, Yeah, I think I'm I think I'm done in the sexual area, and I'm low on energy. I don't know. My husband was like, no, I want to keep going. What is this? And we actually got into a massive fight, and then all of a sudden he was like, I'm a sub, I want to practice being a sub. I want you to be my dom. And I'm just sitting there like the head. Yeah. So it was, yeah, I was just absolutely gobsmacked. And like I said, the story goes a little more, but since we're on it, I might as well mind a little bit.

Kristin 10:44

Let's hear the story now.

Pixie 10:46

See, so I said, where are we going? Okay. So I had a choice to make. After maybe 10 minutes of processing what just happened, I stood up and shook the bad juju rein off me and shut and strutted into the bedroom. He was lying face up, eyes closed, his hands interlaced on his stomach and ankles crossed. Black steam was seeping out of every pore as he laid there like he was the one who had just been petrified. I swung one leg over him, so I was stand straddling his hips. I grabbed one of his wrists and forced his hand over his head, then the other. So through my eyes I had it clear that I had chosen and b to become the lioness, about to capture her prey. Daddy tried to keep his stubborn stone face, but I could see the light beginning to shine in his eyes. So I'm just gonna skip ahead a little bit. 'Cause it's I can keep reading. Oh my god. I'm here, I'm here for it. So when his iris has come back in contact with mine and my hips slowed to a stop, I leaned down to g and lean down and gave a fervent kiss to lock in my decision. To my relief, he matched my zealousness. I dismounted his still rather plump penis to instantly be pulled onto the nook of his arm and receive a plop of kiss on top of my head. So how would you like to dom me, little queen? He asked. I was fully making this up on the fly. I could still feel the power of the lioness in me, but I was coming to a dead end as to what to do with her. For some unbeknownst reason to me, a pony play trotted into my mind. It practically neighed at me. But how was I so how was I to impose this new id idea of a dominant even as a pony rider? Truthfully, I'm an embarrassment to the art of acting. It had never been my forte, but the lioness was not giving up. That is when Daddy constructed the most astute game plan. He said, How about this? What does every little girl want? A pony. What does every good daddy want to do? Make his little girl happy by getting on all fours and being her pony. My eyes widened and my cheeks plumped as a corner of my lips arched upward. I knew where his mind was going. How about you stay in your little space and tell Daddy that you want a pony ride? I could barely believe the brilliance of this idea. I got to acquaint myself with this new dominance persona while being in a space I was comfortable and confident in. I practically levitated off the bed in my most bossy yet little voice. I demanded, Daddy, I want a pony ride, and added a little foot stomp. So yeah, that is yeah, when we switched. Yeah. And I get a lot of questions. It yeah, a lot of questions of this. And I'm always just like, look, you gotta get creative. And him and me combining that we got creative. We found a way for me to be comfortable and confident in a situation that I was just far from what I ever thought I could do.

Kristin 14:04

It turns me on, but I don't know how to fully exactly I want to do this. But how? Yeah.

Pixie 14:10

Like and I get questions like this a lot. My I want my partner to do this, or my partner wants me to do that, but I'm in a total loss. I I'm I'm it's not my space. It's not like where my comfort zone is. How do I deal with that? And my biggest thing is one, communicate, obviously, but two, get creative. Start thinking out of the box, come brainstorm with each other and see where you might be able to kind of start and touch it, dip your toes into it. And now I don't do the little fight at all anymore. It's full dumb. I don't need that space anymore because I've built the confidence and I've built the comfort zone in my dominance. Yeah, it seems like it's evolved over time.

Kristin 14:50

There's a few things that came up when I'm while you're talking. I'm I kind of want to dive into okay. First, I want to say I was listening to, I want to say it was James Sexton on something. He's like, you can have open a conversation with your partner by saying, I had this crazy dream. Or this might be wild, but as a way of maybe easing into it at all or into that kind of conversation. But I want to kind of go back to daddy dom and mommy dom. Okay. Don't know exactly what the what it all entails. I I want to kind of dive into that. And I also love the fact that you brought up creativity because I feel like that we're only really limited by our imagination. Absolutely.

Pixie 15:31

So it's like and it's so at that what I just read is titled The Tirpy Switch. And I actually I'll get to the daddy dom, mommy dumb. And I actually write a lot of times like insights of the story of kind of what we've discovered and learned from that. And one of them is you gotta you have to be creative. And for adults, sex is a beautiful way to bring play in back into our lives. When you're young, you pretend to be a doctor, a cowboy, an astronaut. You do this pretend and you get to be taken out of your real world and into your imagination and have fun. This same, it's the same kind of thing as adults, like especially when it comes to sex. Play is such a big part of it. And you when you play and you use your imagination, you get to be as creative as you want to be. And if you look at it, not even kink BDSM, but role-playing is one of the biggest play tools that couples do all the time. They're like, oh, we're gonna have to pretend we don't know each other at the bar. That's amazing. You're playing it up and having fun and being imaginative and being creative. And so I always highly recommend that to couples, whether you're monogamous or whether you are not monogamous. Play is just yeah, very important.

Kristin 16:53

And what a fun, like brainstorming session. Yeah. Like, hey, how can we say I have this idea? Yeah, what about this? Like when one or my more minds get together, let's have a playmind for exactly an arousal.

Pixie 17:06

Yes. My partner, I love the dream idea. My partner and I just call it, oh, hypothetically. Yeah. Like hypothetically, if I wanted to go on a vacation with another girl, what how how would we go about that? I'm like, okay. I'm thinking hypothetical, so it's not as you're do you have a girl? No, I have no girl in mind that I want to do this with. Okay. So yeah, I would say, when you come up with you, you're like, okay, let me put myself in that situation. How do I think I would react? How and what are the different ways that I might react? And you get to really talk them out and think through them. So yeah, I love the dream idea too. It's like, oh, I had this dream, or I had this thought, or how like hypothetically, what would we do in this situation if it came up? And I think it's a great way for couples to kind of prepare themselves for whether they want to open up their relationship, whether they want to test out kink or BDSM or just anything new. It's a great way to again have that safety environment, but thinking of yeah, something out of their comfort zone. And it's so vulnerable.

Kristin 18:09

And the, to me, while still are offering the opportunity or possibility of leaving that play in there. For we can be vulnerable in so many different ways. We can tell our dark secret or something or our some other desire or whatever. But our fantasies somehow sometimes can feel a little more edgy. Yeah. And they may even be the same ones. Yeah.

Pixie 18:32

The amount of times that I hear, oh, once once she told me that, I was so turned on, and that's exactly what I want to do, or now, or just now I want to do that. It's funny if if you don't talk about them, you're don't just don't ever assume. You can never assume what someone's deepest desires or wackiest fantasy is going to be. And I think assumptions in relationships are a bit of a death sentence if you assume something of someone, especially in sexual aspect. Yeah, I think assumptions cross the board. I know I've been wrong so many times.

Kristin 19:04

Yeah. Like even just with creativity and writing before putting them up, but I assumed that this person was gonna hate it, hate it, not get behind it, so much so that I waited six months to sin. And then when I get it, he was like, Oh, I took full ownership, completely supported. So I'm proud of you. Don't get me wrong. I'm not sure, I'm not sure I like that I'm one of the main characters, but I'm go for it. Change this little tiny detail that it was identifying. I was like, got it, cool. Someone that I thought that was like gonna be so supportive wasn't so much. And I was like, those assumptions, you can be completely wrong no matter how well you think you know the person. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, that's spot on. I'm spot on. So I'm like, mistress, please tell me more about daddy and mommy dom. Because I've heard the term mommy dom. Yeah. And daddy, I really liked that imagery of pony, maybe that's my cowboy head thing coming in. But I'm like, the pony, because I've only had a couple of experiences, or maybe I'd say a handful of being in the Dom role and loved it way more than I thought I was going to guess. Oh, hell yeah. I was like, what is this? You know, I was like, I'm so turned on right now, and this is not what I thought. I didn't, I was a surprise. I was d surprised and delighted in the moment of it. But yeah, so I would love to explore that more and then also kind of get more on your trajectory or journey or the evolve of okay, you're off the pony. Now you're doing other dominatrix things.

Pixie 20:32

So I'm curious. Okay, so daddy dom, mommy dom. They can have some bad connotations. Some people think obviously it's the whole children thing. No, it is always and only between us consenting adults. And I think it's beautiful because in a way, one gets to really embrace their inner child. And it's really beautiful. Now there's different levels of little. So some people go full baby, so there's diaper play, that that whole shebang. Then it's definitely little, which well, I would say anywhere from toddler up to seven, eight, like before they really kind of start getting like independent. Then there's like a like mid, a midi. Now I was more of a midi, so I was a bit more like around like maybe 10, like I would play play into that. But like I like to have bubble baths and watch Dizzy movies and have stuffies and cuddles and go on bike rides and have little outfits. And yeah. So it's a way it was a way for me to really like tap into and embrace my inner child when I needed it. And it was a beautiful experience. And then so the mommy and daddy doms then are the partner to that, whether it's obviously a male or female. And now they don't necessarily like you can be a more of a daddy dom, mommy dom, not really have Have someone who's acting as a little either. But mommy and daddy doms mostly are very caring. So they're not so much they might spank you, but that is about it. They can do more, but if you're staying in kind of like the mommy daddy space, it's a much more caring, loving, kind of guardianship, like nurturing, guiding like form of being a dom, whether again female or male, or however you want to identify. And yeah, it's a beautiful way for someone who just has that natural caring desire and wanting to take care of someone. It's funny, there's a meme that I love and I've loved it for years, and it's just one of those like little quote memes. And it was the the sub I'll do anything you want, just tell me, Dom, drink a glass of water every morning. Wait, no, get go out and get your homework done. Wait, no, not that. Anything. Eat a full meal. No, so that's more of playing into the the mommy and daddy is much more like caring and caregiver and loving and guiding. Yeah.

Kristin 23:04

I could totally see where that offers the reparenting to opportunity. If you want, you don't necessarily have to leave that in there, right? It could be total play. But I think play is so healing and harmonizing too.

Pixie 23:17

And I do I absolutely believe King BDSM is a beautiful form of therapy. Whether I remember listening to one of your other podcasts and I'm not sure I'm not sure who ex who it was exactly, but talking about yes, a lot of times people think it's from child childhood traumas, which is a yes, can be a lot of it. And this is a safe way to work through that, like physically, mentally, emotionally work through with someone who you trust. But there's also ways that I know people go into it because they might have guilt or shame, or they just are in such control positions in their day-to-day life, whether it's a CEO or even believe me, I see moms because they're the control of their kids and their families. That takes a lot that you're in control of and have to everyone's coming to you for answers. It's a way to just be able to turn your brain off. So it's not always the childhood thing. But yes, it can, it absolutely can be. And I think it's very helpful in that instance as well.

Kristin 24:13

What came up for me as you're speaking too is get to get that felt sense of surrender too. I know for me, the first time that I experienced Shibari and felt that press up again my want to try to control something. And then, but finally then feeling safe enough to ah, and oh, I'm held. I I can trust someone, I trust someone, and then go on this different adventure. So yeah, that's also Shabari's amazing.

Pixie 24:39

Yeah, it's something that's beautiful, yeah. It's a big way that I know most people bring tantra into into kink is Shabari. And I think it's absolutely gorgeous. I love it. I need to get better at my rigging and my topping in Shabari, but I will still that's definitely the one place that I will still 100% submit and go and be a rope bottom because yeah, I just I love it. And then uh it's like a massive hug. And you're like, oh yeah, yeah.

Kristin 25:10

It offers so many, I'm like whenever she did something to my feet. My it reminded me of playing mermaids as a kid. I remember I remember you speaking about this. Yes. Yeah, like to have a conversation within or me, and like, yeah, we can play mermaids. That's amazing. I love that. I'm curious, like you mentioned Tantra, and the two don't always intersect, but they can often, right?

Pixie 25:32

I think truthfully, Tantra is a big part of BDSM and Kink, with especially when it's done correctly. It's funny, I say I'm a tantric dom mostly for the the label, so people can understand my style. But I have a really good friend. Her name is Goddess Tangent. She is absolutely amazing. She's one of the top dominatrices in the world, beautiful human being as well. But she is hardcore. She is what you think of when you think you don't fuck with her kind of thing. And she just, it is who she is. And I've known other Dom Doms like that. That is not this isn't just an at couple hours. It is, they invoke it. They have this queen aura about them. But I remember talking to her about how what it means for me to be a tantric Dom. And she she was like, Oh, yeah, I do that too. Like reading energy, being connected with each other, being conscious. There's a lot of aspects, and I'm like, oh, I'm like, yeah, you do you dom tantically, you just don't have that label. But you read energies, you work with the person's energy. It might not look that way, but she knows when her subs she needs to take a step back. She knows she when she needs to push them a little forward. She knows that she's taking them on a journey that they're connected with each other and making this beautiful song, dance, movie, whatever whatever. There's a beautiful piece of artwork that they're doing that it wouldn't happen if they weren't able to come together in this beautiful, serene play. And it's a beautiful the yin, the yang, the feminine, the masculine, d dominant, submissive. And it they all kind of have roughly the the same thing. They all connect to be one and beauty.

Kristin 27:22

The three words I feel like that came up as you're speaking to are like presence, intention, and attunement. To me, that's because you're describing to me, I'm like, oh, she's super attuned to the person or the sub's body to know when to hit the gas with the right back to her. So that's yeah, I love the way that you describe that. Yeah.

Pixie 27:40

So to me, they actually even if you don't w necessarily, they actually are there is tantra in BDSM when you are doing it c correctly, which is consciously. And it's yeah, so it's just yeah, it's just people don't realize that it is. Not everyone knows exactly what tantra means.

Kristin 28:00

Shit. Sometimes I'm like, they're like, how do you just how do you define it? I'm like, it's everything and it's nothing. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. There is no right or wrong. Yeah. I'm like, for me, it felt like a homecoming. Yeah. It embraced my messy human. There you go. Yeah. I get to feel things, still enjoy my tequila. Yeah, yeah, I love that part. Because I felt like, oh, I have to choose a spiritual, you know. But I feel like that's you get to enjoy what you get what you want to enjoy.

Pixie 28:27

Just be appreciative of it. Don't take it for granted. Like you for it every day. Be grateful. Yeah. Savor.

Kristin 28:34

Yeah. There's definitely been at times where, and I think this has been said before, so too, is whether whether it's fed my soul or depleted my soul, and that's more a lot of the times the intentionality behind it. Am I seeking it to feel something like a whole or to feel something or to enrich a scenario or romanticize life? I don't know. There's just some options. Okay. So you have the I'm like, so you go from the pony scenario and then how do I want to take a step or two of stepping into the other dominatric styles or flavors or how it evolved, or kind of take tell me a story or something from that. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. I'm just so curious about your let's see.

Pixie 29:15

So yeah, so we started off with the pony play, and that got me obviously comfortable in wearing the Dom hat, some people like to say. And it was, yeah, so it eventually I just, yeah, you get more comfortable. And so you do and like anything, you do something more, you practice, you get more comfortable and more confident in it. Let's see, not far after that, he my partner really wanted me to peg him, which is obviously as a sub, I would have no really experience with it. Yes, I had been fucked by a domination of dildo, but yeah, I'm not a man, so I wouldn't really have that experience as playing with a male prostate. So we started, yeah, just he had some experience prior to me. So we just started very small, very slow. And as soon as, as soon as I just boom in, I was like, love it. Like I'm in. I'm good, like literally and figuratively.

Kristin 30:17

I'm laughing because there's a bit of resonance there too.

Pixie 30:21

And my my husband is this like a big, like six foot six Australian man. So to have this giant man on his knees in front of me in such a vulnerable place and trusting me. Exactly. And not only that, but like enjoying himself and wanting it. Oh my gosh, the power rush, that honestly probably probably is what changed everything for me. Once I got to experience that power that was, again, graciously given to me and that I highly respected. It yeah, it that was probably the biggest change. And then kind of from there, being a sub, I and I played with a lot of different DOMs. I had a lot of experiences of different tools and different scenarios that I could take up. And as a sub, receiving it all, I had an idea. I knew how to pretty much give it because I knew what it felt like. One thing that I did have to practice was flogging. So I got some vloggers because I I loved being flogged. And I would get I got some vloggers, and then I had to practice. And I practiced on a chair, like making sure I hit the same spot or the corner or hitting another one someone taught me, which I did practice on. I love, I was told to take a plant and hit a certain leaf on the plant so you get your aim. So that was something I practiced on, and then I was able to add that in. And now I consider that my specialty. And I it's a big way of how I actually bring Tantra into my practice, is actually fogging. Yeah, I want to talk about that.

Kristin 31:58

And because the podcast episode that has the the word pegging in it is my number one downloaded episode today. It begins Let's go. I'm like, I need to do a deeper dive. Yep. Pun intended into pegging. So I'm like, maybe conversation guide or a couple, a guy wants to try it. What kind of parameters or conversations should they or suggestions, tips, anything that you want to offer in that space? Absolutely. And also to alleviate some of the shame that can be wrapped up in that desire too.

Pixie 32:37

So I would say probably first step now for himself for himself or with a partner. I guess, oh, let's do both, maybe. We'll do both. Yeah. So I would say for himself, if he's by himself and he's interested in having a little butt play for himself, seeing how it feels. You can't really go wrong with a butt plug. And they make them very thin and very small. And you really it you're by yourself. You just go get a butt plug. You can order them online now. Very easy. And lube it up. Lube it up. A lot. I actually I will say this for tip for anyone else who might be like me. I do not like the feeling of lube. I just I don't know what it is. I don't like it. Maybe it's the chemical, not organic coconut oil. I love coconut oil. There we go.

Kristin 33:23

It's getting more popular and I love it.

Pixie 33:26

Um, coconut oil is amazing. So yeah, lube it up and pop it slowly. Obviously, slowly work it in nice and slow, and eventually it will go in because it'll start off very thin and they'll it'll go in no problem, and then just see how it feels. Now he can jack off, he can play with himself, he can walk around, he can go out walk around outside.

Kristin 33:46

What a fun game. Well, they know. Yeah, no one knows. My little CD.

Pixie 33:51

So it's a great way for uh a man to start doing that by himself. Now, if he is with a partner and he wants the partner to do anal play with him, and say it's both of their first time. Okay, a really great way is so the perineum, which is behind the balls before the anus, is to actually have the woman massage that spot and obviously communicate with the man. Does this feel good? How about this? Does that feel good? Also, lots of coconut oil. And that's a way for him to you can start stimulating the prostate that way. And he can kind of get an idea of how that feels. So that I say is almost step number one. Step number two, because people are also a little hesitant with the anal and the bum, which I get. Always also, if you're by yourself then and you're trying for your first time, get a douche, wash up. Because that obviously that's a part of it. There's plenty of ways online to figure out how that works. There's plenty of information out there of how you clean your bum hole. Gays are know what they're doing. Yeah. So it's not uncommon. Yeah. Gotta love it. So clean it out. That'll make you a hundred times more comfortable. So whether you're by yourself or with a partner, definitely clean it out. Makes you just you do it anyways. Yeah. And then also with her, have her put the put or him, sorry. The your partner put the butt plug in. And maybe I would I like to say you put it in and then put your palm on it and kind of let them kind of rub it. So you kind of also get a little stimulation that way. Sometimes if you go in and out, it's a bit too intense. But if you kind of it's like giving the butthole a little hug with your hand and the little circles, a little tiny movement. So that's a great way. Those are a couple great ways to really start with the anal play. From there, obviously, you start getting bigger. You start expanding. That butthole does expand. So you start. Could I ask the ER dogs on that one?

Kristin 35:56

How far are you getting it? This is true. An end on it, right? There is yes.

Pixie 36:01

My gosh, I have dug things out. That I have. Avoid the ER too. I have dug things out. So yeah, so you just start getting bigger. If the if your partner's comfortable, if you're comfortable, go fingers and look into milking. That's amazing for a man. And honestly, you'll be surprised like how much a prostate does actually feel like a G spot. It's a bit of a mound and just a little massages. If again, if you're not comfortable, latex gloves. Yeah. Great. And then from there, if that's obviously you do not have to do fingers if you're not interested. If you want to keep it toys, that's totally fine. Vibrators, balls, there's anal or anal beads, not balls, sorry, anal beads. A lot of different toys to have fun with and explore and get creative with. And then after that, when he's ready and you're ready, put that on. And I'm telling you, very rarely do I ever meet a woman who is like absolutely no with the once she puts a strap on on and gets to feel it, it's like, oh god, never again. It happens, but I think it's very rare. You put that on, you're like, whoa. Yeah. All right. This is what I feel. I love to just walk around with this thing on. Yeah. It's a wild. Yeah. Oh my. It's a it's such a fun experience. Yeah. And I would say if the woman's uncomfortable before you even get into actually sticking it in somewhere, have fun just walking around with a be weird about it. Have fun with it. Slap him in the face with it a little bit. Get comf like help you get comfortable with it if you're uncomfortable with it. Again, it's being creative. It's having fun. Yeah. Playful.

Kristin 37:46

Awesome. Yeah. I love that. And then, oh, I it to me, I had it was so empowering. I was like, I was like, what? I'm like, yeah, and the trust. And I'm like, this is what it, I'm like, this is what it feels or looks like in a way. No. I'm like, wow. I know. I know. My friend was like, you were charged. I'm like, hell yeah, I am. So if I guess now, let's flip it. Say it's the woman that really wants to peg her man button or man. That I don't know. They're usually pretty dumb for that as a man on. They're usually pretty dumb. That's not really valid. But yeah, how to approach or bring that up or I would again going back to go back to the perineum massage.

Pixie 38:27

I think that is, especially if the man is uncomfortable with it. Go back to the perineal massage. You can even do that while you give him head. Everyone always talks about playing with the balls during head. You can act, you can still you're right there. You can And actually it's easier to hold the cock and do your thumbs on the perineum than the balls. So I would say, yeah, go back to playing with his perineum. And most of the time, yes, you can ask him, but honestly, at the same time, if you just start massaging there and see how he ri responds, because it's not intrusive, he's usually might like it, but of course, communication is always best. Say, hey, I would like to play with your perineum as well while I blow you. Again, that's combining stuff you know he's gonna enjoy with something new. Maybe then you can come off and be like, hey, I really want to see what I'm doing and watch you, your response to what I'm doing. And it's it's yeah, it's a great way to kind of get him in touch with his prostate from a non-intrusive standpoint. And if you have any way of getting knowledge with tantric massages, the part of the tantric massage, a part of a lingam massage will be with stimulating the prostate through the perineum. So giving the perineum a massage and massaging the prostate. So there's a a bunch of really awesome techniques that men tend to really enjoy.

Kristin 39:51

Yeah.

Pixie 39:52

So yeah, I would say that's a great way for him to get in tune with his prostate and be like, oh, oh, it does. I am feeling something nice there. And that might help him open up more to opening up his anal region.

Kristin 40:04

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why this thought came up while you're speaking. And I was just thinking of like prostate and cancer. And I was like, if there, I'm like, could there might there be a connection between the feelings of shame in that area or space with the riot? I don't know. I'm just a brainstorming or that's a very actually interesting thought.

Pixie 40:25

I've looked into whether actually prostate massages milking is beneficial to prevent prostate cancer. I've seen both yes and no. But to me, I'm like, it couldn't it can't help. Yeah, yeah. I don't think it can help. But for the cancer or anything like that coming because there's so much shame around that, that is a really interesting thought. And I honestly I don't know I don't know. I'm like, okay, find that out. But just I could almost see that happening.

Kristin 40:57

Yeah. Yeah. Cause I feel like if the if I'm thinking of Louise Hay and emotions correlating to different cases in her body, it's like with my head, my neck and shoulder to it, does it feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulder? Exactly. Yeah. Or shame or in there. So I'm like, I'm just like, huh. I don't know how deep she dove into stuff like that, but I for some reason that came into my mind or being whenever you're speaking.

Pixie 41:21

100% gay. There was one time I got bronchitis, and I do look into aromatherapy and spiritual. I am into all of that. So I looked into kind of throat chakras and what can kind of happen, or the throat heart chakra, what sicknesses can form if they're not being taken care of. And bronchitis was actually one of them for the throat. And I do recall at that time not really speaking my truth very well. And this was when I was much younger. This is when I was submissive and trying to get better at my boundaries and my just and just life in general, like like speaking my voice, boundaries just in life, not even just in a romantic sexual standpoint. So I was like, oh, I actually see a coordination there. So I was like, where the heck did this bronchitis come from? So honestly, I'm not, I don't disagree with that could happen.

Kristin 42:14

Oh yeah, I totally get that too. Mine was always strep throat and like using my voice has been a big theme. And I feel like there's definitely that connection too, or I've read a little bit. I'm not an expert on it.

Pixie 42:26

The cervical and they say this is bullshit, which it could be too. Yeah, yeah. I just thought it was interesting that I didn't have a correlation in my personal thing.

Kristin 42:37

So take what resonates, leave the rest, go on a deep dive yourself. Yeah. But yeah, the cervix and throat connection too. They're even similarly hard. I know it's fascinating. So I'm like, what? Okay. But I want to, I'm like, I'm went off on a side rail. I want to talk about your flogging. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Pixie 42:54

So, like I said, a lot of people use when they bring that into the kink space, it's a lot of Shibari, which I a hundred percent love, agree with. It is an amazing form of art, an amazing form of bondage and DS top I like I love it. I do. But I'm not particularly a rigger. I have to get better at my rope skills. It's something that I am working on. But I am good at flogging and I do, I've felt just waves of energy. I've had full body orgasms from being flogged in my personal experience. And I've seen it happen to other people, also by my floggers, by other floggers. And there is um something that I truly believe that the tantra kundalini snake. So it rests in your root chakra, and you awaken it and you bring it up up the chakras. Spanking, flogging, is a way to actually awaken that stagnant the stagnant energy in the root chakra. Chakra, awaken the snake. And then from there, because I don't just flog, I actually work on moving it up the body, the energy, moving it up the body. If I go into a tantric, a tantric session, a tantric bot section, or session, I start with a consecration. I give our energy to the universe. I do a collective breath work where I connect our breaths, I connect our energies, I connect our mind, body, souls, and as well as a way to calm and ease our nervous system so that they're also intact and on the same level. And it usually gives me a space of what this person needs. When all of that is connected, I just have this, okay, this is what I'm gonna do with you kind of thing. And then from there, I do a bit of a like the early tantric massages where I do a bit of a full body massage. I don't go as deep as a tantric massage because that's long, it's a whole nother thing on its own. But I use a lot of the techniques of just to help open up the body, open up the channels, open up the chakras. From there, then I'll start with the flogging. Obviously, you start slow, and flogging's not just it's not painful. Honestly, most flogging isn't all that painful unless you have a painful flogging tool. Most floggers are really nice. So it start with that. You start off slow and you kinda constantly move the energy up the body, and it's beautiful to see when someone allows me to move their energy and they allow their channels to be open. Just their body's reaction and their aura just glows and their body just glows, and they might have a full body orgasm. They might not, but they might, but in any way, it's like this openness comes over them. This meditation comes over them. So your oxycodon or oxycodin.

Kristin 46:02

Maybe not that. Uh oxytocin, which may sometimes feel alive. Oxycodin.

Pixie 46:10

Wow. So the dopamine, serotonin, it all gets awakened and a little bit of adrenaline can kind of come and awaken your body. And it's this very interesting combination of aliveness and awakeness and meditation. And you are fully present and fully in your body. And I think it just with the people who I've been able to get to that point, I've had tears, I've had laughs. It is just an amazing experience for the both of us.

Kristin 46:41

Both at the same time. Yeah. I was curious if you had ever witnessed that kundalini come online or that first, I don't know, what do you call it? Spark or spiral up.

Pixie 46:50

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So distinctly, this is a a little story that I actually do need to do it right about for my blog. We were at so my partner and I studied at a Gama in Thailand, which was for a long time one of the number one tantric schools in the world. It's now not so much tantra, it's more kundalini yoga. But one of the practices they had us do was to sit in yab yum with the partner and breathe into each other's mouths. And then they kind of guided us through the chakras. And I it was euphoric and it was a high because you're exchanging the breaths. I went to this full-on euphoric high state where let me see, it was the root chakra was my partner, then it went to me and then him. As the chakras went up, I could I started seeing the snake intertwine between us. And that the very top for the crown chakra, it was like both of us, and I saw this purple lotus like floating above us, spinning. And I was it was one of the moments where I was like, Oh, this can be real. I'm yeah, this is a path I I want to take. And it's it is a known thing that you can create this high just through the breath. Oh, for sure. So that that has been proven. So obviously that definitely had something to do with it, but it was the connection, the breath, the guidance that we had. That was like that's one of my biggest times of personally feeling the snake awaken. But yeah, there's been times where I definitely kind of see my the person I'm playing with, my sub, it really kind of comes to them. And it's yeah, it's beautiful. And I'm it once I see that, I'm like, push it up, move it, bring it around the body. I might tap their third eye to get them to kind of interlock the root and the third eye of the crown, and so that they can really kind of embrace embrace it throughout their body.

Kristin 48:49

That's beautiful. This hour is zip by. I have one more question, and then I want you to drop anywhere, like where you're located or how people can get in touch with you. But the question I want to ask is the one that I sometimes forget is what's turning you on the most right now or lighting you up the most right now in life.

Pixie 49:05

Oh, that is a good question. All right, I have something that just happened, happened to me. So two thorry, two things. So I am working on a first a workshop to learn about how tantric and kink, because I know a lot of tantric workshops want to bring kink into it. So it's a tantric base workshop that they might bring kink in. Me, it's more so kink base and bringing like how you bring tantra into it or how you are conscious of the tantra that's in it. And it will be based off of spanking and awaking the kundalini energy and moving that energy up up the chakras and through the body. Love that. From there, I would like to do like a couple's erotic retreat where we'll talk about Tantra, kink, and openness versus monogamy and how kind of to go about all of them. So that's some projects that I'm working on. And then, but personally, it's very interesting. So my my partner and I, my husband and I have been together for almost two and a half years now. We have been non-monogamous the entire time. Oh wow, the entire time. Okay. The entire time from day one. I was his secondary girlfriend when we first met. But we've gone through a lot of waves, just swinging versus polyamory. I've had a boyfriend. He and I had a girlfriend together, he had another girlfriend. But at the same time, we also go through monogamous time. And for the past year, we've been actually quite monogamous. And we find that we get too on each other. We love each other and we want to spend so much time to eat with each other, but sometimes it's like having ice cream every day for every meal. It's not healthy and it's a bit too much. So we love having a little other love lovers in our life. We find that we do better and we bring it back to each other tenfolds. And it keeps aliveness and a spark in our relationship. So about a month ago, he met a girl who he had a bit of a thing with. Unfortunately, they were both traveling, so it wasn't uh able to be a longtime thing, but he had a beautiful time with her. And then just this week, I met a guy here who really put a spark back in me. And I'm really excited to see my husband, who's gonna be coming next week to the States. And I'm really excited to kind of bring, and he's been involved the entire time. I've told him everything. We tell each other everything. He's super excited for me, super supportive. But it's gonna be fun to be present with him and bring that spark that I've gotten back to him. Cool.

Kristin 51:32

I'm gonna loop me in. I'm like, I'm invested now. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. I'll put everything in the show notes and yeah, hands up, guys, too. I have a writing course in the works and it's gonna be live in a couple weeks, I think. So be on the lookout for that. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for being here, love, for listening with your whole heart, for listening to the very end, and for walking this wild path with me. If today's episode stirred something in you, whether a giggle, a tear, or a full body yes, don't keep it to yourself. Share the magic, leave a review, drop me a note, or send it to a fellow sacred rebel who needs it. And remember, your story is sacred, your desires are divine, and your mess is part of the masterpiece. Keep showing up, keep feeling it all, and keep turning your life into poetry. Until next time, stay wild, stay tender, and stay true to that beautiful soul of yours. All my love, Kristen.