#001: Welcome to All Revved Up!

A trashy reality show sparks an uncomfortable question: if your hometown has a reputation, do you secretly carry it too? We use that funny spiral as a doorway into something bigger: how quickly we let other people’s narratives define our identity, our worth, and even what we think we “should” want. From hair-growth shampoo to Jon Hamm envy, we keep it light, but we also stay honest about the deeper forces underneath comparison and conformity. 

Then we go straight into the question we hear all the time about New Thought spirituality: “Is it a cult?” Instead of trying to win an argument, we talk about what actually separates an empowering spiritual practice from a controlling one. We dig into self-inquiry, choice, and why repeating words without thinking can be a red flag in any tradition. If you’ve struggled with affirmations, we share why they often do nothing unless you can feel the belief behind them and let your mindset shift from the inside out. 

We close with parenting, college planning, and the ache of watching your kid get ready to leave. We share real stories about newborn fear, late-night calls, tracking apps, and the emotional math parents do as the empty nest gets closer. The takeaway we keep coming back to is intentional living: what do we want to create in this moment, with the time we still have, so we don’t miss our own lives while preparing for the next chapter? 

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Join Rev. Dr. Tiffani Milne, Rev. Dr. Liza Marquez, and Dr. Thor Challgren each week as they explore practical spirituality, real life, and the questions we're all trying to answer.

Transcript

Welcome And Opening Invocation

SPEAKER_05 1:05

Welcome everyone to the first episode of the podcast All Revved Up. Dr. Liza, Dr. Tiffany, it's so great to be with you. Lovely to see you guys. Dr. Liza, would you offer an invocation for the beginning, not only of the episode we're in, but also this entire series?

SPEAKER_03 1:26

For the maidenship, as you say, shall I shall I break the bottle of champagne right now? I love that. Break it. All right. So I invite you all to just, wherever you are, however you are, to just take a deep inhale and just settle into this very moment. The only moment that ever is, was, and shall be, just now. That's it. So what I do is I like to take a deep breath in this. So that I take in the fullness of the moment. And then I exhale out, expressing all that is beautiful out into the world. And so what I know in this moment, right here and right now, that this moment is filled with so much fun. It is filled with fun, it is filled with insight, it is filled with inspiration, it is filled with joy, it is filled with authenticity, and it is filled with vulnerability. And I know that the time that I spend here with Dr. Tiffany and Dr. Thor is just filled with so much love, so much laughter, so much light that I just can't help but just laugh. So in that, I know that the insights that come through, the love that comes through, the sharing that is done is done in service of an expansive consciousness. And that just thrills me. So in that light, in that love, in that feeling of just being expansive, being thrilled, being excited, I just let whatever is to come out to come out knowing that it is done in pure perfection, expansive perfection, knowing that it all is all is beauty, love, joy, abundance, life. And in service of life, growing in life, I just let it be done, knowing that it is done in just this moment. And so it is.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

So it is.

SPEAKER_05 3:23

Beautiful, and so it is. I love that. Well, awesome. See you all next week. Can't really top that. So this is. What are we talking about? This is going to be really interesting.

Shower Thoughts And Identity Spirals

SPEAKER_05 3:35

So, right before we started the call, Dr. Tiffany was talking about you know, a way to think about it. What jump in and share what you share with me, because I kind of like that format as a as a way to get this started.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

So I was telling Thor, the thing that was coming up, like I I keep thinking about is like the top three things that the random things that come across your mind that like occupy your mental space on at any given time. Like, and so for me, my top three, we can, I'm happy to elaborate on any of them. First of all, I just saw the show Calabasas Confidential. I don't know if you guys have seen it on Netflix. It's a reality show. Um, and it's based in my hometown. So, first of all, it felt very a little scripted, like I like or not produced. No, it's about these kids that all went to Calabasas High School, which is where I went to high school, that like are now coming back, but they're just douchebags. Like they're just like, I don't sorry for the audience, but like they're just not like I it's just I don't even know how to verbalize these people. And then I was like, oh my God, am I a douchebag and I don't know it? Like I started thinking, I was like, I came from that hometown. I went to that high school. Like maybe I've been walking around all this time, and I'm exactly like these Calabasas people and have no idea. So I'm only one episode in. I reserve time to watch their arc and watch them evolve as people. They are still very young, but it's very like this is how it is in Calabasas. And I'm like, I don't remember it being like, but then I'm like, am I old? Anyway, that's number one. That's the first thing. And then the other one is how do you convince people that new thought is not a cult? And like once you start talking about like who we are and what we believe, like you're like, no, no, no, no, really. Like, like, we're not a cult. And so that's what I was thinking about in the shower like two days ago. And then the last one, not like super as lighthearted as the first two, is figuring out how to plan for my son going off to college while also not making the end result so big that I we don't cherish this last year that we have together and sort of balancing that. Like, does every conversation have to center around the fact that you're leaving me in a year?

SPEAKER_03 6:17

So that's my three. By the way, as an empty nester, and I'm sure Thor would say this too. Yes, it actually does, and it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yeah. Okay, so those are my three. And then I was like, what do you guys think about in the shower? Because that is like, I'm thinking about some heavy stuff while I'm shaving my legs.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Brad Pitt.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Brad Pitt. See, that's the right answer. That's a normal mind.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yeah, a normal mind doesn't wonder if you're a scumbag because you grew up in a city.

SPEAKER_05 6:48

Yeah. Well, I I'll I I'll share what so interesting shower thoughts. I what I was saying to Tiffany, one of the things I I got this new shampoo. And I'm lit, I'm literally not someone, if you're if you're not watching this, I don't have a lot of hair. So I got this new shampoo, which I saw. Now, if you're if you're audio only, you might not know that. That's why I'm sharing. I got this shampoo. Hint, first of all, the probably why it's it's scammy is it's on Instagram, and it's like, buy the shampoo and it'll help you regrow your hair. So it wasn't like super expensive. I'm like, why not? But what was interesting, I was saying to my wife afterwards, I was telling her, and I said, if I don't think it will work, it will for sure not work. Like I know that. And that's, you know, sort of using the power of my mind. And I so I have to go into it going, yeah, it's probably not the case that that like if this stuff actually did work, it would be the biggest story worldwide because they would be like, we've got a cure for baldness. So I I go into it knowing it probably won't work. But, you know, one of the ways that we can apply our teaching is if I don't think it will work, for sure it won't.

SPEAKER_03 8:01

So I'm I guess I'm trying to keep an open mind about it and go, or at least be neutral about it and not well, conversely, couldn't you say that any shampoo, like you might as well just buy part and act like it's gonna work? I mean, if we're gonna if we're on along the same lines, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Also, have you tried the red light scalp treatment? Like it's like a helmet with red lights and it's supposed to regrow hair.

SPEAKER_05 8:25

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm like not at that point in my life where I care that much about it. Like maybe 30 years ago, I would have been like, oh man, I would have been the kind of person who so that yeah, in terms of shower thoughts. But I want to go back to Calabasas because like I I I'm thinking about that like whole remote.

SPEAKER_04 8:44

Are you about to tell me that I am actually just trash?

SPEAKER_00 8:52

And that and not only am I trash, but it's clearly because of the city I grew up in.

SPEAKER_05 8:58

Yeah. You know, no one would say that to your face. I I think but it it's interesting. Like, can you can you is it okay to watch, you know, sort of trashy real housewives reality TV and like what I mean, I'll say like we went yeah, right? I mean, we would the way I always justified it, like when we would watch when when our daughter lived here and we would watch shows like The Bachelor or Bachelorette, you'd see people who were behaving in ways that were not great. And and it was great from an understanding human psychology perspective. So I at the very least, like, don't you think you get something out of it that way where you see these people and you're like, oh, at least I'm better than that.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Of Real Housewives, I'll watch Real Housewives of Anywhere and Anything.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Like I love to turn off my brain and to just like indulge in it. I have no problem. I think it was like, I'm like, oh, I used to drink at that coffee place, and like, oh, that's my high school, and like I know that road. Like, and so to hear their idea of what growing up in Calabasas is like, and don't get me wrong, there's definitely like a a a I don't know what the word is for Calabasas, like it definitely has a reputation. Yeah, but and these but these kids were talking about it as if like this is just who everybody is in Calabasas, and I was like, oh my god, maybe that's who everybody is, which it's clearly not, but it just got me thinking. Whereas like when I watch Real Housewives of Potomac, I'm like, well, I've never lived in Potomac, so yeah, clearly everybody in Potomac behaves like this. This is their normal. And I'm like, I just wanted to like get on a newscast and like defend my city. Like, I'm telling you, we're not all like that.

SPEAKER_05 10:54

Not all us.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

This is not what this is not. I didn't grow up in that Calabasas.

Is New Thought A Cult

SPEAKER_03 11:00

So, you know, this I just to bring this back sort of into new thought because I do find it a very interesting conversation, you know, like it's and and you could apply this, I think, just about to anything because now you find yourself like sort of battling and wanting to tell people, like, no, not everyone in Calabasas is a total douchebag. And to your second point about is new thought a cult? Like, my God, no, it's not a cult. I mean, I think arguably, and Tiffany, you and I have talked about this before, like, you could argue the fact that probably every religion is kind of a cult. If you really stop to take a look at it, if you're someone that just wants to look at it objectively, it's like, really? Like that's what you're doing, like on a Sunday or whatever, it could be construed as cultish. But but when you have to battle some entity or them to let them let them know that I I'm I'm not that douchebag, like you're sort of contributing to the fact that it is a douchebag. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Like versus Well, and also why do I care? Why do I have to defend my my spiritual practice? Why do I have to defend my hometown? Why do I have to like why am I questioning my own identity based on people on a television show decided their perception of what growing up in this city is like? Like you're right, it's very And yes, all religions have but I think for me it's because I view us as sort of the anti-cult or the answer to the things that are that I find problematic with religion. That it's like I when it comes across as more culty than like a religion would be, is where I think the d the not the need to defend, but like how do you explain that it's not?

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Like I think you have to just let somebody experience it and they can choose for themselves. Because I guarantee you people will think that we're a cult, just as I mean, I'm not gonna name some, but don't bark at it. I think we should.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

You can if you want. I'm just gonna do it.

SPEAKER_05 13:07

We don't hook you up to any machines, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Isa is rising above, and I appreciate that about you.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

Don't worry, when we shut this off, I'll go for it. When you go low, she goes high. So I won't name any. But the truth is, you know, every but even it doesn't the truth is if something serves you in a positive way, then isn't that good whether we deem it a cult or not? I don't know. Like, I guess that's the real question. Like if a certain religion is actually raising people to their highest selves in whatever version it is, does that make it a cult? I mean, I I I could argue no, but then you could look at what the cult, what the religion is doing, and maybe it's not favorable towards other, maybe it is a cult, but I don't know. I mean, I think whatever it is that we choose to fight for or against, it's if anytime we're trying to fight, it doesn't matter what side we're on, we're fighting. And like Thor, you were talking about the shampoo for you. Like, why is it like who said that having hair is the ultimate goal? Like, what if the ultimate goal was just actually to not have hair, you know? And it it's it's interesting to me what we decide. Not even, I don't even know that we've decided. I think we buy into what the norm is, you know, and what we've we try to fight or be a part of the norm versus, and I'm not saying you're doing this, I'm just saying like tacitly that some of the stuff that we do without recognizing it. And I think that's the that's the thing that new thought has really brought to me anyway, is just to really be able to go, wait, why did I, why am I deciding that? Why am I choosing that? And that's it's the thing that I will say for myself, and the reason why I don't find it to be a cult is I I go through my own, you know, crisis of faith. And even as a minister, like, do I really believe this? Like, do I like this stuff is happening in my life right now, and like it's not feeling good. Do I is this a bunch of horseshit that I've decided to buy into? And then I dig deep and and really understand, like, no, I actually do believe this, even in this time of crisis when all the shit is hitting the fan, I can still stand 10 toes and go, It still like lifts me up, you know?

SPEAKER_01 15:33

It's funny because you were talking about oh, I was just gonna say, just when you were talking about like why, you know, who says that you need hair on your head or whatever? And I was thinking, like, it's funny that we spend a lot of time trying to get the hair off our legs, but are really attached to the hair on our head, and like, why is hair on like anyway, and then you got it all deep and yeah, I know you screwed up when we go low, Liza goes high.

SPEAKER_04 15:59

Wow, that's scary.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

When you're the pillar, we know we're in trouble.

SPEAKER_05 16:04

Exactly. You know what I think it it is? I mean, I don't know that I connected it when I bought it, but this whole last week I've been watching, speaking of watching TV, I've been watching the the John Ham TV series Your Friends and Neighbors on Apple TV. And so, like, you're getting like like I've been catching up, watched the last episode Thursday night of this second season. And you're just looking at John Hamm, who's just like incredibly handsome and like impossibly like the hair that he has going on. So I think on some level, maybe that was the it just seeped in to be like, oh, that's what you know a guy should look like. And so maybe that's why I was I I I was overcome with like, okay, I'll part with the money to buy this stupid shampoo. But John Hamm.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

John Ham at the end of the day, I'm John Ham hair. I do love that you're like, you know what I need? I need to look more like John John Ham. I'm gonna get this shampoo. And then suddenly I'm gonna transform into John Hamm.

SPEAKER_05 17:01

Yeah, so if you know, in three months, if I'm looking like John Hamm, we can go back to this episode and go, that's when it was. I love

Affirmations Versus Rote Reciting

SPEAKER_05 17:09

it. I you know, the the whole cult thing that what this comes up for me, because and and Liza, you you grew up with Catholicism as your your spiritual home. I was Lutheran. And one of the things that I do recall, there's a fair amount of just reciting things. And I think you like maybe a good, you know, you know you're in a cult when is if you're just reciting a bunch of things that you're and you're not spending time thinking for yourself, maybe that's a sign that not that you're in a cult, but are you using your mind to its highest purpose if all you're doing is just repeating stuff and not actually thinking to yourself, what do I believe?

SPEAKER_02 17:54

How is that any different from from constant affirmations when you're reciting stuff?

SPEAKER_05 17:59

It's not. And that's why I don't think just reciting wrote affirmations is any more useful than than reciting Hail Mary's. You know, it's it's it for me, if I'm likely to do an affirmation, it has to be something that I I actually believe in and have feeling behind. It can't just be words that I string together, you know, like a rosary bead stringing together.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Affirmation, yeah, affirmations don't work unless there's something behind it. Otherwise, like I can say it a million times, but unless I've changed the belief behind it, like it's just saying words. It doesn't pack a punch. There's no power behind it. But I like, and there's definitely like clear cut, like they've tried to define what a cult is. And so there's definitely like, do you worship a leader? Like that is, you know, one element, like um family separation. Like if if your family members my cat thinks she works with me. And so apparently it's our special guest host is our special guest is Piper, but the you know, separations from families and things like that. But I but on a on the next level, I think like for me, the big distinction, not even just from a cult, but also religion, is not telling me how I have to live or what I have to believe. Like for me, the fact that there's not the liberating part of new thought is that I get to make up my life and decide what works for me. And nobody gets to tell me what morality looks like or what I need to believe or do. Which I think is a key differentiator. Although I still I I mean, yes, and like, you know, I guess if you don't believe in the law of cause and effect, then like, do you get to, I mean, I guess you get to stay, but like you're probably not gonna be reaping all of the benefits of new thoughts. So I guess there are some elements of like, this is what we believe. I don't know what's going on here, guys. I am so sorry about it.

SPEAKER_05 20:05

Like it's it's the law of animal attraction.

SPEAKER_03 20:08

I've got nuggets in the back just like barking up a storm. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:13

And I used to I used to have a dog, but but we had to put her down a couple now. I'm just sorry. That was years ago. I'm fine now.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Piper thinks she's my boss. She literally does this all day when I work and like just hangs out and she shows up to every meeting. She'll be here sleeping, but as soon as I get online, she's like, are we in a meeting? I have some thoughts. What do you think about it? Anyway, Catherine.

Letting Kids Go Without Losing Now

SPEAKER_05 20:40

And I want to talk about too, not not just the cult thing, but the other thing that you brought up, Tiffany, was the issue of, you know, a kid that's about to head out in the world, because we've all either experienced this, about to experience it, soon to be experiencing it. Like, how do you? I mean, I know I have my thoughts on it, and I'm in a a place where more years have passed, so I can kind of look at it and go, you know, I'm I'm much more at peace with about it. Like my marker was could I go to the airport and drop her off at the airport and not be a total emotional wreck? Like the first year or two, I couldn't. I was just always like a wreck. Now I'm like, I drop her off, I give her a hug, I'm like, hey, great, you know, text me when you get in. So like I know it gets better, but you still, I guess it's I it's a fascinating question, I think, what you asked of like wanting to be present and and not like over make everything into a big deal. But like Liza, you're you're right now of the three of us, you're the one that's that's kind of it's happened to you once already, and and now you're you're have the opportunity to do that, go through that process again. How are you feeling about it?

SPEAKER_03 21:52

I say this all the time, but I think having a second child was a great grief buffer because it was like, yes, I was sad, excited for him to go off to school, but at the same time I was like, okay, I've got another child. So it's a new norm, you know, just two kids, just myself and my daughter in the house versus two kids in the house. I I was sad, but it but it wasn't until now that she's graduating. Like it's almost like a double whammy of feeling like the grief that I didn't feel two years ago is has while it's been percolating, is ready to come out. And, you know, I mean, I've I have cried in front of both of you, you know, just by and I could even do it right now, but I'm not going to. I've got mascara on. So, but I definitely feel the tears, you know. I I can feel them welling up. And um I think for me personally, and it might be different for you, Thor. You know, also I'm I'm a divorced parent, so I only had, you know, when I start doing the math on how long I had with my kids, it's really nine years each versus 18 that most people get. And I think I I can categorize it that way, and then I just if I start to really go down that road, I become a victim of it, and I try not to. Because I could have had no years with them. So I'm excited that I've had the time that I've had because it's not the years that count, it's what we've done in those years that actually counts. And but yeah, I mean, you know, Tiffany, for you, and it's kind of like having a baby, right? Nobody tells you what to expect. Nobody tells you what's going to happen until you have it. And someone's like, okay, you know, I'm I'm sure we all went through this. They're like, here's your baby, put him in the car seat, go home. You're like, wait, can I live in the hospital? I'm not totally sure I know what I'm doing. And I don't know that you really wanted me to leave with the kid, you know. I think it's one of those things. Can I tell you?

SPEAKER_05 23:41

I don't, I don't know if I've ever told you guys, but like uh Sarah was literally home for two days, and we took her back to the ER because literally, like, we get home from the hospital, and uh after she's so she's alive for 48 hours. Aaron's like, I just need to take a nap. Can you just watch her? So she's in the bassinet right next to the bed, and I'm watching her, and she starts turning blue, like, which is you know clearly not a good sign. And and I said this, no, and so she's fine, but what she just it was whatever stage where they told you, like, you know how they always go back and forth every couple of years, like, let them sleep on their side, let them sleep on their stomach, let them sleep on their back. Whatever we were doing at the time, we followed the advice, she swallowed her saliva and she started choking because she didn't know yet how to swallow. And so literally, like, we're calling 911, and and so like in 48 hours, we're like, we just get home from the hospital, and we're already taking her back to the ER. So, yeah, it was it, it was like that was the many low points of my life as it relates to the kids. But and it was funny, like the next day, she was also had that situation with Billy Rubin where she was jaundice, and so they have to put her like in the little lamp to so the little tanning bed. So they're like, you have to have a sheet over her so that her head doesn't get tanned, but the rest of her body does. So one of you has to stay up all the time to make sure she doesn't. So literally, I don't think I slept in like three days or something like that. And and I remember there was a point where at a certain point I was just in like the fetal position on the floor crying, like, I can't do this. This is too hard. And and it was Mother's Day weekend, and my my wife calls my mom and says, you know, we told our parents, like, no, no, don't come out. We're gonna be we want the time to bond with her ourselves, which is such bullshit. I mean, great if it works for everyone. But but but my wife says to my mom, like, can you come out? And she goes, I'll be there tomorrow. Yeah. So because she's like, Thor's on the floor. I'm not sure he's okay. He's like in the fetal position crying. So, kids, man, they do this to us.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Remember in those early days, my husband and I, you know, we get a little snippy with each other because I'm like, I don't know. I it seemed irresponsible of them to let me go home with this kid. Like, I did not know what I was doing, and it's overwhelming, and you're sleep deprived, and it's all new. And my husband and I used to look at each other and be like, let's remember who the common enemy is. Like, because it was like we were fine before he got here. Let's not fight each other.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

We're in this together. We're the enemy.

SPEAKER_04 26:21

Yeah.

Building Secure Attachment And Intention

SPEAKER_01 26:23

Um, yeah, I I I think what was funny because I had a conversation with my son yesterday because he came home from school and I cherish the moment I don't see him very much. And so I cherish the moments when he comes home from school or in passing, or sometimes he'll come into my room and tell me about his day. They're like the highlight of my life because I'm this needy stalker that's like, oh, you like me? You want to talk to me for five minutes? Like, yes, I'll drop whatever I'm doing. I am like the absolute nerd in high school who's just so who grew up in Calabasas, who's just so excited to hang out with this cool kid. And so he came home and we were talking, and I found myself once again, like, don't forget that you need to get because we're doing a road trip to look at colleges this summer. And I'm like, don't for I need the list so I can start planning and then, you know, talking about like the SATs that he's taking today and like all of these things. And I just paused and I was like, I don't want our relationship to be about me putting pressure on you and all of the things that you need to do, and also me being needy and sad about the fact that you're leaving me because I tease him all the time. I'm like, so can I just come with you? Like, I won't like live in the dorms. I'll just live in an apartment next door. And he's, you know, he doesn't think it's as funny or charming as I do. But I just had this like, you know how you have those out-of-body moments where you can see yourself and what you're doing. And there's like this higher thought saying, this isn't it, don't screw this up. And I just paused and I was like, I really want, I don't want every conversation that we have to be about the stressors of college planning and where you're gonna go in your future, or you misconstruing the fact that I'm gonna miss you so much as anything other than how excited I am for you and how in your corner I am. So can we make sure that we spend some time like not talking about any of this? And I think that's where the shower thought came from of like, I don't want to spend so much time fearing what's about to come and what's about to happen or preparing for what's about to happen that I forget that like I just really enjoy hanging out with my kid. Like, you know, and I don't get to see him very often because he's very busy. And I'm a nerd that has no life. So I just sit around waiting for him at the most moments when he'll like, oh my God, you want to talk to me? Like, yes. Like, let's chat. Oh, it's four o'clock in the morning and I'm exhausted, no problem. I'm up. Let's talk.

SPEAKER_03 28:57

Listen, I just had that moment with my son right now. He's in Bologna in Italy doing a study abroad for school and doing some editing. And I don't it's funny, I don't usually leave my phone on. When I go to bed, I turn it off. If you're calling me and you it's an emergency, we'll take care of it in the morning. But for some reason I had my phone on I heard it ring, and I just happened to look over to see who it was. And I'm like annoyed that my phone is ringing at like 11 o'clock at night because I'm not, I'm super tired. So I like roll over and it's my son. And bing, I'm like, what are you doing? How's it going? How are your friends? Any girls? Any what's going on over there? What are you doing right now? Like it was, and I like sat on the phone for an hour with him. Where anybody else I would have been like, what the hell? Don't call me right now. What's wrong with you? You know? It's true.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

You become a fangirl.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Do you know what my son said to me?

SPEAKER_03 29:46

I'm a thirsty mom. I'm a thirsty mom.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

This is why I'm thirsty, though. I said to my son, he's going to Europe in a couple weeks with school. And so I'm like, you have to send me proof of life. Like, just text your mom like every day. Just text me every day, like a little something. I'm like, send me pictures, something, you know, to connect. And he goes, You follow me on Instagram, and I'm like, I'm not your fan. I'm your mother. I'm not gonna find out about your life on Instagram. Send me a picture of the Eiffel Tower, brat.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

Send me a video. I need to know. Call me, Zenna, or else I will stop you. And it'll be embarrassing when you're in the middle of something with your friends. Like, but all of that could be resolved if you call me.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

That's right. I will show up in Rome. I will show up.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

I do have a funny story. Oh my God. Nugget. When when my kids were younger and they were at camp, I actually did. They were at a tennis camp at the Alliance Française in Los Files and they were little. And so I was like, oh, I just want to watch them. So my friend and I, who also had her daughter in there, were like literally watching them. And so when when it was time to for pickup, we'd been there all day, they were all like, We could totally see you. So it has traumatized them. So when I say things like, I might actually show up, they do believe it. They're like, please don't. Please don't show up. We know you'll do it. Please don't show up. So I guess I trained them well. You did. So see? Someone's incident.

SPEAKER_05 31:12

And do you guys use like the the find my friends or whatever? Or do you know? Or have an app where you know. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Yes, I use life 360, although it works in the reverse too. Because so they'll my daughter will call me and be like, Can you pick me up a sandwich? And I'm like, No, I'm out. And she's like, but it's right next door to where you are. So they use it just as much as I do. Or my son will call me and be like, Where are you going? It's 10 o'clock at night. And like, you know, contrary to what you believe, I have a life too. Sometimes I do things.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Um I will say, you know, in bringing it back to a new thought, because I think this is such a great conversation to have. And but also what it is that we impart in our children that maybe we don't see right now, but to be able to have that conversation about where they are in this moment. Like forget the past, forget the future. Like what in this moment can you relish? And what is it that you would like to create in this last year, you know, for for Dylan, Tiffany? Like, what do you want to create this last year while while we're all here together? Not that your life is going to devastatingly change, although it is, but you know, what what is it that you want to create, you know, with your friends, with your last year, with your family? Like what I want to, what I really want to teach my children that I was not taught at a young age, and maybe they won't learn it now, but they'll continue to hear it, is like be intentional about what you want to create in this moment, whether it's a sucky moment or whether it's a joy-filled moment. Like, what do you want to create? And that's what I love about this teaching, that we really do understand that that is the power that we have.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

And I feel like that empowerment also, like, it's funny because I was talking to Dylan about, you know, when he was choosing which schools he wanted to go to, and and we were in engaging in that conversation and he was talking about schools on the East Coast. And I was like, you can absolutely do that. I support that, but just know that sometimes if you go to school on the East Coast, you may not be able to come home for Thanksgiving because the turnaround time is really like come home for Thanksgiving, then you have to go back, and then two weeks later you're coming back from winter break. And so that may be challenging. And he goes, Mom, I know that you love me so much and you're gonna miss me so much. You'll figure it out and make sure I get home. And I was like, he's right. But also, like, I'll start a GoFundMe. Don't let him listen to this episode. No, no, no, right. But I'm like, I'll start a GoFundMe to get this kid home if I have to. Like, this kid will be home for Thanksgiving. But what I realized in that moment was that, and it is because of growing up in this teaching and because I am the mom that I am because of this teaching, that I've created such security and a secure attachment that he's free to fly knowing that this is a soft home base and that that love is, you know, he feels totally confident to spread his wings, which is all you really could ask for as a parent, except you're like, but could you use those wings to come back and maybe don't make me follow you on Insta? But like that is that that self-empowerment, that recognition that you're going to be okay, that you can just go and you don't need. I don't know that I had that sort of sort of confidence at 17 that he has.

SPEAKER_04 34:32

Yeah.

Perfect Parents And Where To Watch

SPEAKER_05 34:34

Well, I love that. I we've we've talked about how we are all three perfect parents, and I think we should just end the episode on that high note because there's not going to be any anything better that comes out of it other than you you both are great moms.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

And you're a great dad. And you're a great dad. You are a great one.

SPEAKER_05 34:52

And we love our great audience, everyone who's listening to us, appreciate you guys listening to us on the show. We're also, we will be on YouTube. That'll be super interesting. So if you want to see what this looks like, you can see us on YouTube. And we'll look forward to seeing, hearing, and sharing more with you next week. Thank you, Liza. Thank you, Tiffany.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

Thank you. This was fun. Bye bye. All right, bye.