The Relationship With your EX . . . & His Wife

This week, Leggra keeps it all the way real as she breaks down what it’s like to co-parent — not just with her ex-husband, but with his new wife too. Yeah… it gets deep.

👀 How do you navigate that kind of dynamic without drama?
 🧠 What does real emotional maturity look like after divorce?
👶🏽 Are the kids really the focus, or is ego still in the way?

Leggra opens up about the highs, lows, and hard truths of blended family life — from setting clear boundaries to healing old wounds and making space for new relationships.

💥 This episode is for anyone who’s co-parenting, thinking about it, or just trying to heal and move different after the breakup. It’s messy, it’s raw, it’s grown-folk talk.

📌 Topics We Cover:

• Co-parenting with your ex AND their new partner
• Managing emotions when new people step in
• Letting go of ego & focusing on the kids
• Building a healthy blended family with respect

🗣️ Leggra’s story is proof that peace is possible — but it takes work.

🔔 Subscribe for more unfiltered conversations that hit home.
💬 Drop a comment — could you co-parent with your ex and their new spouse?

#TimelessAndUnfiltered #CoParenting #BlendedFamily #BreakupHealing #PuttingKidsFirst #LifeAfterDivorce #EmotionalGrowth #UrbanPodcast #UnfilteredTalk #LeggraSpeaks

Transcript

Baby Mama Drama and Moving On

Speaker 1 0:00

For all y'all mothers out there that won't let your children see their father because he got a new girlfriend, that means you have feelings. Now don't be wrong. Unless that girlfriend is doing something, she ain't got no business or nothing. You know what I'm saying. But when it's not something that's detrimental to that child sweetheart, go look in the mirror or something you still caught up. This is Legra, this is Stephanie, this is Cherie, and this is Legra.

Speaker 3 0:24

This is Stephanie. This is Cherie.

Speaker 1 0:28

And this is Ivanya, and this is Timeless and Unfiltered, where we are spilling the tea on midlife. One laugh at a time, uh-oh.

Speaker 3 0:46

Timeless and Unfiltered. Stephanie One laugh at a time. Uh-oh Uh, time is in the filter. Stephanie Allegra Sharice when they at, where they at.

Speaker 1 0:51

We filling the tea on midlife. One laugh at a time. I don't know. You just a little turn for a minute. I want you up. Oh look, she got a little bad boots on. Well, they ain't even. I don't know if I'm saying this is a boot. Is it a boot sandal, boot, sandal. That's really cute. That's cute. Boot sandals, boot sandals, baby feet. What size shoe is that? A six? I think I was born a seven. I think when I was born I came out with a seven. I was like what little baby shoe is that? But it is cute. It is cute. And shit girl.

Speaker 3 1:20

Thank you, so you can always buy shoes right, Stephanie? I get the sale. The display shoes are always on sale, Whatever whatever. And that's why I have so many shoes. I get all the display shoes for like 20 bucks. Oh my God. Isn't that nice, I love it Isn't that nice.

Speaker 1 1:33

I love it. Roll your eyes at her. What are we talking about today? Y'all what?

Speaker 2 1:41

a carryover for one of our episodes. I think it was exes.

Speaker 3 1:47

I think we were talking about. Being progressive in relationships after exes.

Speaker 1 1:51

Oh the relationship after the relationship.

Speaker 2 1:53

Yes, yes Okay.

Speaker 1 1:55

Yeah, and I think how we got to it. That was a good way to put it no, no, the relationship after the relationship.

Speaker 2 2:01

Yeah, and I think we got to it because you had said that your ex-husband was coming on oh yeah, we're going to jamaica.

Speaker 1 2:08

We're going to be filming in jamaica on location while we're on our trip to jamaica when is that?

Speaker 2 2:13

what's the date um june 19th?

Speaker 1 2:16

through the 23rd for the southern soul getaway, that is the dj trucker. Southern soul getaway. We're gonna. So we're gonna film the episode while we're there, and, yvonneonne, you'll be there too, so that's going to be great.

Speaker 3 2:25

We'll all four be there, yeah, I think that's progressive as hell.

Speaker 2 2:29

Yeah, and Stephanie was like, that's progressive.

Speaker 3 2:33

And when I realized I can have relationships after relationship. I just have to get to a point where I'm not in love with you anymore. Once I get past that I'm not in love with you, I can still love and care about you, but I have to get past the being in love with you. In order for me to have a relationship with you, like to be cool or do business and stuff, I got to get past being in love with you because it's not going to be the same. We can't be friends in love with you. Yeah, I don't want to love, be friends still in love. That girl crazy yeah.

Speaker 3 3:07

I don't want to love you neither and be your friend. So we got to get past that. But even with kids, I think that's so grown up because once my kids got 18, hey you on your own with your relationship with your dad and other family members. I don't have to be that catalyst anymore to keep everything together and just Unless it's grandkids involved, I think that's when you all can come back together.

Speaker 2 3:31

The reason why I wanted to really talk about it is because I think this is something that would get a whole lot of comments, to be honest, and I'm going to tell you why. So you're having a trip? I mean, it's your, you know it's your business. It's your business, part of my business, yeah so, and your son is over 18 years old now. I'm just saying how people right would talk to me you know just almost 30.

Speaker 2 3:56

I'm just in the comments, because I could see a lot of people well, not a lot, but I could see just mix people well, not a lot, but I could see just mixed um comments about it and some people saying, well, what they when they turn 18? Right, then you would come out of the mix potentially right, depending on everybody's relationships with different. I could see it.

Speaker 2 4:19

I mean, you know, I could see people saying if it was a graduation, or something joint, then it would make sense that the parents would be there, although my daughter's getting ready to close on a house and she said her dad was coming and I'm like, why, why?

Speaker 1 4:32

But anyway, why Okay?

Speaker 2 4:34

So you know. So there's just the mix. You know what I mean. It's just that mixed ideology about Right.

Speaker 1 4:42

But I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have with your ex. Yeah, you know, for me it's normal. It's normal Shout out to my dad and my stepmother and my stepmother. They have been together almost 40 years. I'm 55. They've been together, I think, think since I was 13 years old, um, and I remember when my parents split it was really hard. It was hard for me, um, because the conditions that my parents split weren't ideal. You know it was. It was life shit. You know I'm not gonna put all their business out in the street, but it was life shit. You know I'm not going to put all their business out in the street, but it was life shit, you know. And it wasn't ideal and there was a lot of hurt and, as kids, you know, we always have this conversation about kids' view of what happened.

Speaker 3 5:34

And then there's the adult view of what?

Progressive Family Relationships After Divorce

Speaker 1 5:36

happened, I had the kids' view of what happened, you know, and so I was angry with my dad for a long time and and didn't talk to him for a long time. And sports, when I really got into sports, you know, sports brought us back together, Right, you know?

Speaker 1 5:52

because she was that girl you know, you see that, you know because, well, sports brought us back together. But then you know, we had anytime. We had graduations or we had, or it was a party, or you had to pick and choose who you were going to spend the holiday with, and all that kind of stuff. It just was, it was a strain on the kids, you know, while y'all are doing whatever, because we can't all be in the same room at the same time. And then I remember once we had children, so now there's grandchildren like you just said once, there's grandchildren involved.

Speaker 1 6:30

I think that was the turning point in our family At that time. My dad and his wife live in Ohio. My mom lived in Georgia. We were now all in Georgia. The grandkids are now down here in Georgia. When my dad came to visit, he and his wife stayed at my mother's house At my mother's house, you know why? Because we were all at the house, so they got to see the kids, they got to play with the grandkids, all that kind of stuff. I think there's issues when there's still feelings involved. You know, you know me. I always say when I'm done, I'm done. When I'm done, you can sit right here, you can sit right here, and I could care less because when I'm done, I'm done. So I think that seeing how my mother handled that situation and it just made our family life so much better, so much it made it easier. Now, is it perfect? It perfect? You know they don't have to be best friends, right, but when my mother got sick, guess who was calling on, checking on my mother all the time?

Speaker 2 7:31

his wife, his wife was all that time and it makes sure that my mother was good. I mean that part, I mean some of that. Now I'm just now, I'm talking from a charise perspective. That makes sense that your mom and wait a minute your mother and father, your father and your stepmom was married, yes, okay, and they came and stayed with your mom At my mother's house which was his ex-wife.

Speaker 1 8:00

They stayed at his ex-wife's house Because we spent. We had big Christmases. Yeah, yeah because that's where the grandkids are, so the grandkids. Or else, if you're gonna stay at the hotel, then what do you come for dinner for? An? Hour or something, and then, go back to the hotel but we actually spent time together as a family all the time. So even when I would, when I was divorced, um my ex-husband and I everything. It was always about our son.

Speaker 1 8:32

I didn't care what holiday he had him. I don't care if he just had him last weekend. I don't care what the judge say. The schedule is. When my son says I want daddy, hey, come get your baby. You want him this weekend. Yeah, you know, it don't matter if he had him every weekend. My mother used to be like he just had him for Thanksgiving. He's gonna be gone for Christmas. Yeah, he gone for Christmas.

Speaker 3 8:54

I got him every day.

Speaker 1 8:55

You know who cares if it's Christmas, it's every day. You know I pick him up from school every day. I got to do this, you do that, so I was never really big on what a set schedule was. So now my son is in his 20s and when he turned 18, like you said, you don't have to call me when he got his own phone call your son, you ain't got to call me. Hell, that was in high school, you know. So we don't talk all the time, but guess what?

Speaker 2 9:25

He all the time, but guess what?

Speaker 1 9:26

He is still my family, because he is my son's father. For me, he's still family.

Speaker 2 9:29

He's not my ex-husband, no more.

Speaker 1 9:33

He's like my distant cousin.

Speaker 2 9:35

You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 9:36

That's hard for a lot of people. It is for a lot of people.

Speaker 2 9:39

No judgment, but it's like your son is 18. This is your business trip. It has nothing to do with him, or nothing, and his dad and his wife and I called and personally invited his dad and his wife to come on vacation.

Speaker 1 9:53

That's progressive, because this is the first time, you know, for my dad is going to be there and his wife. We're used to seeing them, yeah, but my dad's been sick the last few years. He ain't been able to travel. My dad is 77 or something, I don't know how many more times he's going to travel. You know, just because of age, you know, hell, I might not be here tomorrow.

Speaker 2 10:16

You know, who knows?

Speaker 1 10:17

You know, and my son is coming, his friends are coming. I invited his friends to come with him. He's bringing like eight people with him to come and I was like you know what?

Extended Family and Grandchildren Dynamics

Speaker 1 10:27

It would have been really cool if your dad was there. We ain't got to sit around and chi-chi and stuff all the time, but your dad needs to be there with you and stuff. You know what I'm saying. So he's going to hang out with his son, then we're going to hang out in Jamaica. I have nothing against his ex-wife, my ex-husband my ex-husband is a great guy. It just wasn't meant for us to be together.

Speaker 1 10:52

It don't take away from him being a great guy and the whole thing with those, with people with relationships like he went that I've never had no beef with her. The only, yeah, the only thing I ever asked my son when my son when the two of them first got together, and I asked this about any woman that came into my ex-husband's life.

Speaker 2 11:11

How does she?

Speaker 3 11:12

treat you when he is not around.

Speaker 1 11:15

That's the only question I have ever asked. I don't want to know where y'all go. Don't come back and give me a play-by-play of all the stuff. You did One. I know your father. I know your father's gonna make sure you are in good hands. I, because I know your father, he's gonna make sure you're in good hands. He already know I'm crazy. He gonna handle crazy folks around you. But I also know women you know what I'm saying who will smile and act like they're the best person in the world while your father is there but may do or say crazy money.

Speaker 1 11:42

So the only thing I've ever asked my son is how does she treat you when your father's not around? And my son said he loved her and I said that's enough for me. That's enough for me still progressive as hell it is, it is but, when your relationship is over, and when you're not, when you're done, you're done. He's a great guy we never had. We never had that. Yeah, but I think it goes beyond craziness in our relationship.

Speaker 2 12:08

For me it goes, because you said that a couple times. So yeah, for me it. It don't have anything to do with it being over for charisse, like when it's over. For me too, it is over, right, but I I don't even want to say but, because I get along with everybody, to be honest like. I've never really had a breakup where I can't talk to somebody, we can't communicate. Something's wrong. We don't hate each other, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 12:36

It's okay, but at the very beginning you said, oh, we're closing and your dad's gonna be there. And you said why?

Speaker 2 12:43

right, because I raised her and I'm the one who put everything into you get right, so that's the status of y'all relationship.

Speaker 1 12:52

But seeing for me, his dad was there. No, I get that all. So it's just normal.

Speaker 2 12:57

No, no, no, but that's not even where I was going with that. What I was, where I was going with that was it don't have anything for me with emotions, whether I'm over somebody or not, it's just that when they're, I mean. But everybody's different. So for me I was just like but if your son is beyond 18, but you explained it and it makes sense for you why is the stepdad and the wife being, when it has nothing to do with the son? So that's what I was trying to get to, but it does for you. I mean your analogy and all of that is different.

Speaker 2 13:29

So it makes sense All I was saying was this is good, this is just good conversation. Yeah, it's differences For people to understand.

Speaker 1 13:41

You know, my trips almost become a family vacation sometimes.

Speaker 2 13:44

No, no, I know that you know what I'm saying, you know so this is almost like a family vacation I know that's why that's part of his conversation I think it's good conversation yeah that's, that's part of his family I think I don't have a problem with exes. I ain't inviting nobody doing all that but, I I don't have a problem with exes, and then sometimes the people I date really do, but I don't, and then that becomes contentious because it's based on the other.

Speaker 3 14:07

They may not be comfortable and that's what I was going to say. It may be the ex that may not be comfortable, because all my kids over 18 and when their father comes to town he'll come to the house to sit and spend time with the kids, but he has to be on facetime with his girl the whole time, because that's her she don't feel comfortable with him being there with his kids and she probably like why you got to be at the house, because that's her insecurity he really don't have to be at the house, girl, he don't okay hello, these kids has grown, he can take them out and do whatever.

Speaker 3 14:39

It was weird to me, like why you want to come over here, but but, but that's their issue. Yeah, and that's why I'd rather not even these kids have grown Send for them to come out there and hang out with you. You don't have to come here and just be around. It's just a little work Because I'm not inviting them to. Oh, yeah, you and her come over to the house. Yeah, no, yeah, am I weird? No, you're not. I don't think it's weird. She's like why your voice so high? Everybody got their thing.

Speaker 2 15:13

You know what I think we've always.

Speaker 1 15:15

I think we've always. Our son was always the center point of everything.

Speaker 3 15:19

And that's clearly still what it is He'll probably be 50.

Speaker 1 15:24

And he'll be the. We were just together last weekend. My son is releasing his.

Speaker 3 15:30

And he's so cold, he's so cold. Well, when this air.

Speaker 1 15:32

It'll probably have already been out June 6th, his first single is out, so he has EP release party and you know, his dad and his wife are there.

Speaker 3 15:45

Which that's a mouth?

Speaker 1 15:45

yeah, that's a thing, but they came and sat and talked with us and when it was time to do the family picture. It was me, it was my son and it was his dad and I said yeah, that makes sense, and I said I'm sorry, tap her on the shoulder, tell her come, get in the picture but, it was around him. Not right, because but that's the whole thing. It's always about my son, so my son is coming on this trip.

Speaker 3 16:08

He grown, he is grown. He ain't gonna be with his friends. He ain't gonna be studs with neither you or his dad. He do Trust me.

Speaker 1 16:13

He gonna be running them Jamaica streets. Now I'm gonna tell you right now he don't stud me.

Speaker 3 16:17

He ain going to be with his friends. He's going to be with his friends.

Speaker 1 16:21

He has a whole different relationship with me than he has with his dad.

Speaker 3 16:24

He's going to be with his friends.

Speaker 1 16:27

I'm telling you he's going to be with his friends but his dad just realized he drinks. Huh, because he would never drink in front of his father. Because you know, I don't know what, this father-son thing, the image that he, because Du Bois and I had to sit and have this conversation You're not giving your dad the real you, because I don't know who this fake little child is.

Speaker 1 16:48

This little perfect little thing you try to be with your little fly ass mouth and all that kind of stuff, because I know you don't talk to your daddy. The way you sit and be trying to talk you know what I'm saying that kind of thing. So for me this is a chance for the two of them to really bond. It ain't about me, I could care less, they ain't bonding down here they will, but you know what?

Speaker 1 17:13

He needs to see him with his friends. He needs to see that Negro over there. Is he smoking weed? I don't know? Hello, he was at the EP release party. Du Bois got lit at the EP release party, but you don't never get to be around his dad in those kind of environments. It's always been just with me. So for me it was more important for me that he and his dad had that kind of time together. That's your son right there. I don't know who this little fake little Negro is over here that's perpetrating like he.

Speaker 3 17:48

You know he's a perfect little child, all the time? No, that's that negro right there yeah, and that's so.

Speaker 1 17:55

It was more important for me, it's it's it's family time. Hey, go hang with your dad, do what you do. He gonna be with his friends, of course, of course, but go spend time with your dad and whatever. And then, as far as me and my ex-husband and his wife, we have conversations, but it's all you can. To me, it's it's um, it's always been nice, it's always been pleasant, but we, we've never really talked, if that makes sense. And not to say that we have to, you know what I'm saying. Not to say that we have to, but guess what? Our son has a lot of stuff going on. We're going to be in a lot of the same spaces together.

Speaker 1 18:32

Yeah, absolutely, and it don't need to be that way, and that's fine, and that's understandable.

Speaker 2 18:38

All of that makes sense.

Speaker 3 18:39

Yeah, I'm just stuck on the picnic.

Speaker 2 18:42

It still don't make sense to me.

Speaker 3 18:48

I was like is he performing down there? Is that why the dad and I'm like that's so progressive of you girls?

Speaker 2 18:51

for us, because we always just that's all.

Speaker 3 18:56

Yeah, that's the only thing that's ever been important to me was his relationship with his dad. Yeah, and there's probably a lot of people that like you.

Speaker 1 19:02

Yeah, it's not about me.

Speaker 2 19:03

Yeah, it's not about me well, I was just interested in what people comments.

Speaker 1 19:08

I don't care what none of y'all say. I know you don't. No, y'all say a lot.

Speaker 2 19:17

But like and subscribe and do all the stuff.

Speaker 1 19:19

You know what? But that's the thing. What did you say? I don't live by nobody's rules.

Speaker 2 19:23

No, no, no, I don't live by anybody's rules.

Speaker 1 19:26

This works for my family, nobody's.

Inviting Ex and New Wife to Jamaica

Speaker 2 19:29

No, no, no, no. I don't live by anybody's rules. This works for my family. Yeah, my family. He's the only child.

Speaker 1 19:31

Right, he's the only child, and I'm not trying to be funny, I'm watching them too because, guess what? I was just diagnosed with cancer. I wasn't sure I was gonna be here. Who gonna be who gonna? Who gonna be with my son when I'm gone? I want to know who gonna be around my baby too. I don't care if he's 50. He ain't learned everything. Hell, our kids. Now they're adults right.

Speaker 2 19:54

We still hand-holding our kids right now. If I was up and out of here.

Speaker 1 19:58

guess who's going to be around? My son all the time, him and his wife Period. We family y'all, whether we like it or not.

Speaker 2 20:06

No, this was really a good subject. I mean, it really is a good subject because people really because people don't get it and they don't see it and it's just like the insecurities of others A lot of times just make it so difficult.

Speaker 1 20:26

I don't know. A lot of times you have that bitter ex-wife or whatever. I don't know what she thinks of me. You know what I'm saying and I'm not no disrespect, I really don't care. I don't know what he thinks of me, I really don't care. What I care about is your relationship with your son Period. And even though he isn't an adult, he's been around me 90% of his life. 90% of his life. He act like me, he got a mouth like me, all those kinds of things.

Speaker 1 21:00

There are certain there are certain now he's hitting a stage in his life, especially now. You always say you know you having that male influence around when they're kids, but he's in a stage in his life right now too. Even some of the discussions we have, obviously they're going. God, I wish your daddy was here, because this is show a daddy conversation like you know what I'm saying like, but he feels more comfortable in having some of those conversations with me because he's around me all

Speaker 1 21:23

the time yeah, you, you and your dad need to spend a little more time together, or something like there you go, there you go, and then it's in a relaxed environment. Is we going to be turning up and having fun. I loved his wife came over and said what you drinking? Because his father's a pastor now. Now, he wasn't a pastor when I was. We were together, but he's a pastor now so and he didn't really drink. He didn't drink then or whatever hell. I was happy. She asked me about a cocktail because I was like, okay, turn up, girl. You know what I'm saying. Like, come on, you can turn it up too. You know what I'm saying. So it's, but for me it's just, it's just another extension of my family, it's just another extension of my part of your life experience.

Speaker 3 22:00

It's that cousin that you see once a year well, I always say, I tell people I I'm a good baby mama because, like my kid's father never had issues, even when, like I, wasn't one of those crazy ones that was going to give him problems. Just because, he got with a new girl or anything. I didn't bother that man, I just and I was like, yeah, I know I'm like the best baby mama because his lady never had problems I'm not gonna give y'all no problems that, but it comes down to the no emotions like she said when you're?

Speaker 1 22:31

done when you're not connected anymore it just doesn't bother you, you're not fazed by it at all. Because that's where a lot of baby mama drama come from.

Speaker 2 22:41

They still got emotions. There's still attachment. There's still emotions.

Speaker 1 22:45

I don't care who you you with. Is she good to my son Right, when he come over there? Do he got any problems? Is he being fed? Is he being talked to like he crazy? Is he whatever, whatever? Now, the moment that crosses the line, we got issues. And when you say cross the line.

Speaker 3 23:01

I laugh because my kid's father wound up going to get with a child and she's in between the ages of our daughter and so the girl's clicking with her because they're like, oh, in their 20s or whatever. And then I know my she had said something crazy to my son or, and my son like snapped back and then his dad was like, oh, you don't talk to her. Like like that. And my son's like bro, she's like six years older than me, like she's basically like my sister's age you can't expect us to respect this child woman of yours like you can't.

Speaker 3 23:36

We're not going to give her the same respect we give our mom, because she's like our age, like we're just not but the respect is is earned.

Speaker 1 23:40

I don't care what age you are, that's the respect is earned, and his ex't care what age you are. The respect is earned. And his ex-wife earned my respect in the way that she treats my son.

Speaker 3 23:53

That's enough of me. That's what matters.

Father-Son Relationship and Adult Bonding

Speaker 1 23:55

She earned my respect in the way she treats my son. That's all that matters to me. I don't want it, but when you still want them, no matter how, small when you still got those, you can tell those kind of feelings and attachment. That's where the drama comes from yeah, that's where the drama comes from. So for me this is and the face time, wanting to face time?

Speaker 2 24:17

yeah, because you worry I don't want him girl right, he's not worried about him she's not worried about him spending time with his kids.

Speaker 3 24:25

She worried about him spending time with you, yeah, yeah, she's worried about him spending time with you. Yeah, with you, because I was the original Dada, baby, mama number one, lord, and there's no telling what he say, what he's saying.

Speaker 2 24:35

Right, that's what's like he's projecting his feelings to where you just never know and he may not. Some women are just insecure.

Speaker 3 24:39

Because we have a great friendship.

Speaker 2 24:42

Yeah, you don't have to do anything.

Speaker 1 24:44

You don't have to do anything, but just exist. Ooh Lord. Well, he had told my kids.

Speaker 3 24:48

He said I don't care where we are in life. If your mom ever need me, I got her for the rest of her life. He was like I don't care who she went what she was doing. I got your mama and she must feel that.

Speaker 1 25:02

I'm like why to your relationship? Can I have the kids?

Speaker 2 25:05

But that's between, but you have to be careful because some guys with rooms on the bed I've been with somebody before who actually tells, who actually say to women or have said to women I know we're not together and there's nothing between us, but if there's anything, she ever needs. Oh yeah, you cannot say that to the average woman. You can't say that to the average woman. They can't handle it, they can't take it and you need to check yourself, sir or ma'am, or whoever. Check yourself.

Speaker 1 25:34

You can't be saying, I mean, come on now, even if you feel that way, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't gotta say that I tell my kids right now I could call my ex-husband, if I, if something came up. Yeah, if something came up I could, I could call him.

Speaker 2 25:47

And you know what?

Speaker 1 25:47

he's going to say I'm going to talk to my wife about it, as he should. I'm going to talk to my wife about it and I'll get back to you.

Speaker 2 25:54

If I needed something Now, don't be wrong.

Speaker 1 25:56

That's never going to happen, right.

Speaker 3 26:00

I go down with the ship. When that boat go down, I'm sinking with it.

Speaker 1 26:04

Yeah, I'm going to sink with it, baby, but I know that I could, because I know what type of person he is and I know what kind of relationship we have. We didn't have a bad relationship. We didn't have a bad breakup. Y'all were young.

Speaker 3 26:14

We were young we got married.

Speaker 1 26:17

I was 22 years old when I got married.

Speaker 3 26:19

Yeah, you know, I was grown Girl, please.

Speaker 1 26:29

Ain't no even know who I was at 22.

Speaker 3 26:30

You know, and at the time he was 26. And think about it. Think about your kids now in their 20s. They still trying to figure it out.

Speaker 1 26:31

They are, they don't know who they are.

Speaker 3 26:32

They're still trying to figure it out.

Speaker 1 26:33

So getting married and you have a child.

Speaker 3 26:36

Yeah, that was a lot.

Speaker 1 26:38

And don't be wrong. Shout out to all the young couples that are doing it and the couples that do it, and they've been, we're together, we were friends.

Speaker 3 26:54

That's the foundation. We were friends. That's the great part about it. I liked him. He was a good person. You could stay friends forever, not my man.

Speaker 1 27:00

He was a good person, yeah, and guess what? He still is.

Speaker 2 27:02

Yeah, praise, jesus, and guess what, when?

Speaker 1 27:05

we broke up, he took excellent care of his son. That's great. Was everything perfect? It wasn't perfect. Oh, absolutely it wasn't perfect. But you one thing you're not gonna say is he wasn't there when his son called. Period, I didn't have those issues. And then, when we you know, when we got divorced I was in georgia, georgia. I remember, um, the judge during our divorce, I was like the only thing the judge cares about is what we're doing about the baby, yeah, okay, well, how are we doing child support? And I was like I don't want the judge cares about. Is what we're doing about the kids With the baby? Yeah, okay, how we doing child support? And I was like I don't want child support. He said, oh no, in the state of Georgia, we have to have child support, oh wow.

Speaker 2 27:50

It wasn't an option for me to say I didn't need child support.

Speaker 1 27:52

Oh, wow. And the reason why I said it was because I it was required if there's a child involved. Now I don't know if laws have changed, but when I got divorced it was required. So they put him on child support. Now, when we started, you know our lives and careers. Remember we were still young, we got divorced, you know 30s. So our income here Now I wasn't that baby mama excuse me, ex-wife that every time his income went up, he was, you went back to him.

Speaker 3 28:23

I have never in 18 years went back into court Because you knew he was going to take care of his baby.

Speaker 1 28:25

Yeah, Because, guess what? I had a debit card on his checking account until he almost got married. Honestly, I never had to use it. I forgot we even had it, and there was something when they were going to close on their house or something.

Speaker 2 28:41

Remember.

Speaker 1 28:43

I was still on something and he had to send me some documents assigned to take me off or whatever. But it was because, if anything ever happened, he's like, look, if you can't reach me in something and that boy need something, something, something that's so great, tell me about it, get it, and then, you know, tell me about it later. But that was just our relationship. So for me he's a great guy.

Speaker 3 29:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1 29:03

It just was not. We were just not meant to be together. But that don't take away from him being a great dad and a great guy, and he married a wonderful woman and and now they're going to be on a great trip.

Speaker 1 29:13

Who loves my son, and y'all go have a great time with him. I'm going to be at work. You already know how we move. We have almost 500 people headed to Jamaica. I'm busy, I'm at work, so y'all do y'all thing. I'm going to see you when I see you, because that's it. So y'all have a good time with our son, because that's our son. Yeah, she's been in his life, for I think he had just hit high school, I think. So she's been in his life a good little piece. That's his other mom.

Speaker 3 29:46

I never had to put my kids on child support. I never needed to because I knew when he had it the kids would have it, and even when he had moments where he didn't, I wasn't tripping, because I had it or whatever.

Speaker 1 30:01

But no, I knew I didn't, I wasn't tripping because I had it or whatever, but no, I knew I never, had to put him because, like you said, I knew who I know, that I know who I laid down and had kids with, and that these kids were going to be all right. And they've been all right right. So it don't faze me. Let's go on vacation. Y'all have a good time. You have a good time. All right, have a good time, that's it. So y'all say what y'all want to say about me, he's still my cousin. Say what y'all want to say about me, I don't care, he's still my cousin.

Speaker 2 30:21

It's like that cousin you see at the family reunion that wants every two years he's still family.

Speaker 1 30:24

They still family. That don't mean you got to talk all the time and see each other every day. He's still family. It is what it is, I'm sorry. In my head I can hear Stephanie all her thoughts going in her head Like girl, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing it with you. I can hear it. I can hear it, it's killing you.

Speaker 3 30:44

It's killing you. That's why she's very progressive. It's killing you.

Speaker 1 30:49

Hey, the bottom line is all three of us love my son.

Speaker 3 30:52

Yeah, that's what counts. That's it, my son, yep, that's it.

Speaker 1 30:54

That's what counts. That's it Y'all done with me.

Speaker 3 30:56

I've been in the hot seat.

Speaker 1 30:58

No.

Speaker 3 31:01

That wasn't meant to be the hot seat.

Speaker 2 31:02

It wasn't.

Speaker 1 31:03

You know, I don't care girl, it wasn't.

Speaker 2 31:05

No, that definitely wasn't meant to be the hot seat it was just like this is really something.

Speaker 1 31:11

This was a thought-provoking conversation to be honest, because it really makes you challenge.

Speaker 2 31:18

I mean, you know, hopefully it'll make people challenge their thought process, their reasoning. Am I doing this because I'm with somebody who they don't like it? You, know what I mean, so I'm having to tiptoe a little bit, because I need them to be. I mean it just makes you think about it. It just makes you think about it.

Speaker 1 31:36

And you do what works for your family. That's all, that's it. You don't follow nobody's norm. What works for your family and when you put your children first and you don't use your children as a weapon and I'm saying it because many women do when you use your children as a weapon and retaliation and all that kind of stuff, you need to sit down and check yourself and look in the mirror, boo. You need to check yourself and look in the mirror because you still ain't over that brother, mm-mm, because you don't care.

Speaker 2 32:04

When you done, you don't care.

Speaker 1 32:06

I told you that brother could sit right there, you don't care, mm-mm, you don't, you don't care, but you still tied up still, you still tied up, caught up, that feeling that we're caught up, we're gonna do a concert, we gotta do a 30 minute concert with this one right here.

Speaker 3 32:23

Concerts every day in my house they had a camera baby concerts every day.

Speaker 1 32:31

Anyway, we done with this charise, we're done. Can't wait to see the comments on this.

Speaker 3 32:35

If we get any hair. Well, the men just gonna watch, so. But hopefully done. Can't wait to see the comments on this. If we get any hair, I really want to see the comments.

Speaker 1 32:37

The men just gonna watch.

Speaker 2 32:40

I would love to see. Now, this was a good one for men to comment on too, though. Absolutely Comment y'all.

Speaker 1 32:45

We'd love to hear what you got to say, and the ladies too. Oh, absolutely, and the ladies too.

Speaker 2 32:50

We want the ladies too, but we was. We was talking earlier on one of our episodes about men just watching and not commenting, so this to me is a good one to comment on. Talk to us, yeah.

Speaker 1 32:59

So for all y'all mothers out there that won't let your children see their father because he got a new girlfriend, don't be like that baby. That means you have feelings for him. Now, don't be wrong, unless that girlfriend is doing something, she ain't got no business or whatever. You know what I'm saying. But when it's not something that's detrimental to that child sweetheart, go look in the mirror or something you still caught up. Anyway, this is.

Lessons on Co-Parenting Success

Speaker 2 33:23

Allegra y'all. This is Stephanie, this is Charisse and we still missing.

Speaker 1 33:28

Ivanya, but this is Timeless and Unfiltered and we will see y'all next week. Bye.

Speaker 3 33:35

We spilled the tea. Can't wait for the comments y'all. Okay, we are spilling tea. Oh, now that was some tea.

Speaker 1 33:40

That was some tea. Some tea, coffee and liquor and shit With a shot of Patron. Bye y'all. Thanks for watching, guys.