Midlife Butterfly: Stop Self-Abandoning & People Pleasing by Healing Your Nervous System — Feel Alive Again

#67 - Release What Holds You Back To Travel & Tips to Head to Your New Destination

• Kena Siu • Episode 67

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What if the trip you keep postponing is actually a doorway back to yourself?

In this deeply honest conversation, Kena sits with travel coach Maria Kamau to explore how travel in midlife becomes more than movement—it becomes a reclamation. Together, they unpack the real reasons women delay their desires: guilt, identity, fear, and the quiet belief that choosing themselves can wait.

This episode gently challenges that story.

You’ll feel the truth of how travel can support your healing journey, awaken self-trust, and reconnect you with your desires—not the ones shaped by expectation, but the ones that feel like freedom. From releasing the need to be everything for everyone, to taking grounded action (even in small ways), this is an invitation to remember that your life is happening now.

By the end, you’ll feel empowered to stop waiting for permission—and start choosing yourself, one step at a time.


✨ In This Episode You’ll Learn

  • How to shift from “someday” to aligned, grounded action
  • Why guilt is blocking your freedom—and how to release it
  • What happens when you step outside your comfort zone
  • The truth about identity: you become through doing
  • How travel supports healing, self-trust, and expansion


✨ Where to Find Maria:


🦋 Reflection Questions

  • What am I postponing that my soul is quietly asking for?
  • Where in my life am I waiting for permission to choose myself?
  • What would it feel like to trust my desires more than my fears?


💜 I created Coming HOME for the woman who has done everything right and still feels something is missing. It's free, it's private, and it might be the most important thing you listen to this year — sign up here!

🦋 Midlife Butterfly is a podcast for high-achieving midlife women navigating emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, self-abandonment, nervous system healing, identity shifts, and midlife awakening. Hosted by Kena Siu, Identity & Embodiment Guide.

Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Website: midlifebutterfly.ca

Music: Back Home by Alex Productions and  Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Travel As A Return To Self

Kena Siu

What if travel in midlife isn't really about the destination, but about returning to yourself. For many women, the desire to travel comes with fear, guilt, or the feeling that it's something they'll do someday. Today we are exploring how travel can become a powerful practice of self-trust, presence, and reconnecting with who you are now. Welcome, beautiful soul. This is Midlife Butterfly, the space where you remember who you truly are beneath all the roles, responsibilities, and expectations. I'm your empowerment guide Kena Siu and I hold this space for women in midlife who are ready to rediscover themselves, reclaim their joy, and live fully aligned. If you are new here, welcome to our cocoon. You are just entering a place where choosing yourself isn't selfish, is sacred. And so let's take a deep breath, drop into your heart, and let's dive in. And today I have the great pleasure of having Maria Kamau. She is a Kenyan-born travel writer, ICF certified coach and founder of Travel with McKay. She helps African women and hopefully from this moment on, people all around the world. Women all around the world who are 40

Meet Maria Kamau And Her Mission

Kena Siu

years old and plus to stop postponing travel and start planning it with more confidence, clarity, and self-trust. Having traveled to 90 plus countries, Maria brings both live experience and calm practical approach to navigating visas, budgets, safety, and itinerary that fit real life. Her work is especially meaningful for women in midlife who feel called to reconnect with themselves, move beyond fear, and finally say yes to the journeys they have delayed for years. Through coaching and resources, Maria helps women turn travel from a distant dream into a grounded, empowering reality. Welcome, Maria. It is a great pleasure having you here.

Maria Kamau

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Kena. It's great to be here. Thank you for having me.

Kena Siu

My pleasure. I would like to start by asking you how would you call this a stage of your midlife of this season?

Maria Kamau

Oh wow. Aligning.

Kena Siu

I love that.

Maria Kamau

Aligning. I think it's never ends. I think it's uh a continuous process. So aligning, evolving, growing, yeah, yeah, excited.

Kena Siu

Oh, it is. I mean, that's the path, right? And I think midlife is when we start like, okay, let's put more gas in the tank and let's just keep going, keep going. Yes, and and yes, since we want to, we I think we start more reconnecting with ourselves in midlife, getting to explore and see, okay, what do I really want? Why do I really need now after all the transitions, right? That women are going in, either if it's, I don't know, if they are moms and they're becoming empty nesters, or if there's going through a separation or divorce, or it's about finding a new partner, also, all these, and then losing dear ones too. All these kind of situations happen more in midlife, and I believe it's when we start questioning more life and saying, okay, what do I really want after prioritizing everyone else for such a long period of time? And since you are a travel expert, what do you see is the real thing that holds women back in travel? Because I think that traveling part, if some people haven't done it at all, or if we have done it, but we want more, yes, of course. What do you think is is holding them

What Really Holds Women Back

Kena Siu

back back?

Maria Kamau

It's an interesting question that I get asked a lot, and so I try to reflect and try to listen to those I coach and others. And uh it's a lot, first of all, it's it's something you keep saying, it's something that is not new, but uh we prioritize everyone else that we show up for our family, for communities, whether church or socially, for everyone else. But when it comes to ourselves, we hesitate, we postpone, we rethink, or sometimes we forget. And in our complexity, we even feel guilty about thinking about ourselves over others. Some even may feel shame, even though you're not asking for resources, you know, you much capable women run businesses, they run families, they run communities, but you know, there's just that underlying uh fear. Of course, like, is it okay? Is it uh worthwhile? Is it am I that person? Identity, you know, especially if you don't do it a lot. It's like it's those people, you know. Yeah, that's for you know the singles or those who have a lot of money or the brave ones, you know, so not really placing themselves in that identity and somehow not realizing identity comes from doing, not defining, and then ultimately is like waiting for society to give them permission. Because interestingly, I've come to realize that women, particularly women, society guides us how we should behave, but women tend to be guided, you know. So by this age, you should be thin and beautiful, by that age, you should be, you know, growing up and uh maybe dating by that age or by that time, you should be, you know, getting into serious relationships. By this time, you have you should be having babies, you know, you should be 2.5 children and you know, the white picket fans, your career, you know, even if you're not taking all these tests, but somehow society is like ticking so that if you haven't, it's like, what are you waiting for? What are you up to? And then so when it comes to now making decisions for ourselves that are not what we think or what society tells us is not aligned with what they should do, or when we come to that situation, which is why where many women find themselves after 40, when society doesn't really have a direction, it's like, yeah, we guided into there, so moving forward, you kind of like figure it out for yourself, so then you're lost. Like, so is this okay? Is this not okay? Am I that person? You know, yeah, so hesitance, yeah. So your identity, fear, and just the hesitation we have on is it okay to decide for ourselves?

Kena Siu

Yeah, I it's so true what you said before that we have this checklist, and yeah, when it comes to midlife, after that, it's like what should we do? That's true, and that's why when that's when we think that we have a crisis when it's not really a crisis, it's when we start wondering and we have that awakening of saying, like, shit, I've been following all this, and now what? Right? I love what you said that identity comes from doing, yeah, that's so true. We cannot become, you know, but we say a new version ourselves, but I love more of going. We cannot remember more who we really are if we don't do something different, yes, yes.

Maria Kamau

You've got to take action, yes, yes, yeah.

Kena Siu

That's so true, yeah. Because if we're just kind of like waiting here, it's like not gonna happen. We might have the intention, we can, I don't know, meditate in here, thinking you know the energy and stuff, yeah. But we don't take action, nothing is gonna move, nothing is going to move.

Maria Kamau

Yeah, you can't be identified, even yourself. You can't identify with your dreams or your desires until you take action. So even if you want to be a mother, you're not going to be a mother until you either give birth or look after a child, you know. You need a CN exactly. So you have to take action so that you define it for yourself or others, let's start to see you as that kind of description of identity. Yeah, yeah, and identity is a big deal in transition, yes, you know, like we're saying, you know, if you didn't also check the boxes, you have additional titles or identity. So if you didn't get married, you're the unmarried one, or if you got divorced, you're the you know, or if you didn't have children, or yeah, so even in Korea, you know, so once you take action, then you it becomes a reality.

Kena Siu

Yes, yeah, it's too many labels and hats, and yes, you know, that we carry that they have a lot of weight, and I guess that's also part of what really holds us hold us back, yes, right? Yes, and you mentioned I remember when I was reading about your information that about like we say, like, well, we're gonna do it like some day, but then since we're talking about action, you talk about taking grounded action. So, what is usually what helps women to take that action towards saying, Yes, I want to go and take that trip, even either if it's at solo or if it's with friends. How can they yeah, like finally get that inspiration and that motivation to say, let's go?

From Someday To A Real Decision

Maria Kamau

Yeah, yeah, that is a tough one because the Sunday seems to be with good intentions, just that it keeps on the goalpost keeps moving because we are waiting for miles or things to happen that uh we have decided or others have decided, or what we think others decide for us. So until the children leave or grow up, until you know my retire, wait until you know my best friend is ready. And so we keep checking in with others without realizing that because we feel needed and we feel valuable or fulfilled, or you know, that we matter with all these roles, yeah. And so if we want to take it from someday, it's a decision first with the acceptance that, and sometimes it's a difficult acceptance that others can life will go on without me.

Kena Siu

Definitely, yeah, that believes that noise. We need to be the rescuer, the saver, because that's what you say. We feel needed, yeah. But sometimes we make people need us, yes, releasing that control too, and saying, Yes, no, I let you be because you want to also be that's it, you you know, it's a bit humbling and a bit very intentional.

Maria Kamau

Like, I uh I need to stop feeling needed, or I need to need for myself. We don't realize that, in fact, the more we give ourselves, the better we are present for others. So true, but because it's part of the identity, no, these are and many a time by the way, it is uh it is us who put that on ourselves, it's not the others, you know, because when you make a decision, people are just people are just so what I remind women is that you're not quitting life, you're not uh quitting your family, you don't even have to quit your job, you're just taking time out, and timeout is not months, is not years, it doesn't have to be, it can be, but it doesn't have to be it's timeout for yourself because we in our uh commitment to looking after everyone else, we forget who we are. I think you keep saying that often. We forget who you are, who we are, we forget what our desires are, we forget our dreams, what we dreamed when we were young or when we were starting life. We forget what's oh, it's this difficult even to determine what's important because of course we evolved when we're younger. What was important is different, you know, as you grow older with family, with career, with community. You know, we evolve, we change. When do we take a moment to just be and would you say return to self? Return to the self, yes, just yeah, just to take a moment to reconnect with yourself, and that doesn't have to be alone, you know. If we're talking about travel, it's yeah, it can be somebody else, but don't let it be dependent on someone else, so you make the decision that and we keep being reminded every day. We lose people, people move on, you know. People who have dreams, who have plans, people pass on. This is the reminder that if you your dreams are not gonna wait forever, your goals are not gonna wait forever, your time out is not going to ring a bell when it's time or it's ready. You need to make it happen.

Kena Siu

You gave me shields, yes, that's true. We think it's like you know, we don't know how much time between codes we have, so it's just like just so true.

Maria Kamau

Do you're ready? You're ready. It's not even about the money, a bit. We all have, you know, it's not the expense, it's not the time, it's you to make the decision once you realize there's not going to be a bell somewhere that's going to pass and say, Oh, can I ting ding ding, it's time now. No, you are the one who's going to make the decision for yourself, yeah. And you are going to, once you make that decision, people will manage themselves around you, whether it's your partner, your husband, your aging parents, your kids, you know, they are going to, and it's just for a moment.

Kena Siu

Yeah.

Maria Kamau

Listen, we are not, we don't need months to go out and visit a dream location. We don't need months to go and visit a friend. Just to step away from the noise, from the handrump, from the rat race, from your environment. Just to step away from a moment. You determine how long that moment is, but step away. It doesn't have to be far, you know, you don't have to be a daunting round-the-world tour. It can be, but uh it doesn't have to be. A moment can be uh a short distance away, can be a different city, it can be a different country, it can be what you are bold enough to say yes to, but it's only for a moment. You and that's a self-gift. That's a self-gift.

Kena Siu

Yes, it is, yes, a gift, and it's amazing how just by taking a few days or many days as you can or you want to, the way you can just recharge, as you mentioned, just by getting out of that environment, because we are used to you know, the having the autopilot of all the tasks that you're supposed to

Travel As Healing And Self Care

Kena Siu

do at home and the people that are around you. So the fact that you get out of your environment just by shifting that, yes, everything is it's different, yes, exactly.

Maria Kamau

It is, and it's different for different people at different times, but the important thing is that it can serve so many purposes, it can help you just exhale, just take a breath and just uh you know, uh reconnect with yourself in a quiet moment. Yeah, it can help you heal. We have so much uh in fact, that's probably the heaviest backlog we have healing from uh you know past uh uh traumas or disappointments with self, disappointments in life, you know, uh bereavement. Just uh healing, just stepping away. Stepping away can be healing, it can help you uh see the situation that you're in from a different aspect of just stepping away, yeah. Just stepping away, so it's getting you out of your comfort zone so that you can be uh on the outside looking in, and that in so many ways, outside your environment, outside yourself in your comfort zone, looking inward, yeah, and one of the important uh most impactful things I found with travel is that just by being bold enough to step away, far or near is so empowering that on your return you find you are you can take bolder steps in other areas of your life, nothing to do with travel, just just stepping away and then you know having that reflection, reconnecting with self, stepping away from the dramas of life, yeah, you know, just can help you see yourself in a different perspective. So it's a self-exploration as much as it is, you know. I'm an adventurer, so I like to go out and the outdoors and all. So it can be an outward adventure, it's an inward adventure. You learn who you are outside of your comfort zone, and when you come back, you'll be surprised how much braver you are to be able to do that and to do other things that have you know you you've been holding yourself back from.

Kena Siu

Yeah, wow, that is so true. It just reminded me once the I guess it was the second time that I went to Costa Rica. I went to to a retreat with uh a few sisters and we were taking a program together. And I remember when we got there to a finca, I was with one of with one of them, we were just chatting and admiring nature. Like it's I mean, I never see that many varieties of plants in that space. It was just so beautiful and so overwhelming. And I remember it's crazy how how we are programmed because I remember I felt worthy of being there, and well. Then yeah, it was just insane. And I was like, wow. So I just, you know, allowed that and then well, the retreat was for three or four days. And then I was talking to this sister at the end, and she told me that she felt the same when we got there. Of course, by the time we got out of there, we were like, we are super worthy, and we can even have more and ask for more, and we deserve more. Yes. And just by admiring nature, just by being that in that presence. It was just so powerful. And how that shift, you know, happened just by being there and being grounded and feeling and listening to the water, you know, going through the river, you know, having those delicious fresh meals, having nice conversations with other people, and sometimes just silence, you know, and just listening to the sounds of nature there. It was so transformative.

Maria Kamau

Wow. And I want to go.

Kena Siu

Oh, I highly recommend it. I highly recommend it. It was just beautiful. But I do understand what you mean, like how that self-discovery or how many things pop up just by getting out of our comfort zone, right? And then how we can transform in a way that's so unexpected.

Maria Kamau

Yes, absolutely. Yes. Yeah. And that applies solo. Solo is uh probably the most impactful. But so is with others. So if you travel with a friend or with family, those the experience is especially outside of you know your country or your city, whatever your comfort zone is, yeah, those experiences outlast uh uh you, everyone, because they are it's uh it's the connection that you have in experiencing whatever you the shared experience out there that just uh transforms uh the nature of your relationship, uh how you see each other, you know, the bond. And yeah, you know, you can't even experience that without also feeling the difference within you. So just like you've explained, you know, it's really like that. A retreat is a I wouldn't say perfect because there's no one way of doing it, but a retreat is really an impactful way of traveling, going out, meeting other people, experiencing you know that environment for a few days and coming back. Yeah, no wonder you can still remember what you experience.

Kena Siu

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah. Uh, I would like to go back to that guilt. That that's I guess that's one of the main reasons that women don't say, Yes, I'm even if I'm not ready, I'm still gonna do it. Because as you said, it's it's that guilt, and then having those excuses, also saying, Oh no, how am I gonna

Releasing Guilt And Burnout Patterns

Kena Siu

spend the money on me? Yes, right? How am I gonna leave my partner alone? How come I'm gonna take time for me while my parents need help, need that support? Yes, yeah, and and I think I don't know, like with the experience that you have had with women that they have troubled with you, even when they come with this guilt, how have you seen kind of like I don't know, a shift or a transformation in them after you know they completed a trip and say, Oh yeah, like this was so worthy?

Maria Kamau

Yeah, that one is um a tough one because uh I sense that that is probably the struggle that even keeps some of those people who would approach me from approaching me because already it's like can I even admit can I even uh bring myself out to even suggest that this is something I desire, something I deserve, you know, because you know, once the children come, or you know, you're the caregiver in one way or another, it's just automatic. Everyone else first, and yet you are the one who's uh you know uh expanding yourself, you are the one who's exerting yourself and the to feel like uh you're fulfilling your responsibilities. But some of these are self-exposed, that's self-imposed. But also we don't realize that um for you to really deliver, if you're offering a service to someone, you want to do it uh in a manner that gives you joy, that you know, presence. And the longer you keep your dreams away, the longer you feel guilty about fulfilling something that you uh you desire, you don't realize that these are some of the things that lead to burnout, resentment, because then you have this kind of thoughts of after all I've done, you know, it wasn't maybe no one asked for it, or maybe no one required it or demanded it from you, but you offered it of yourself, and then to the extent of putting aside your needs or your desires to offer this support, caring in whatever format, whether it's uh human care or financing, and we have a lot of that in Africa. So this is the reality, our welfare system is relatives, so uh we you can really expand yourself and extend yourself a lot. And so the reminder to women is that uh you uh if you thrive, everyone else around you thrives even more. You will even be more giving and more generous, and you will do it with no reservations if you take care of yourself first. We go back to the to the airplane. What is saying? There's a reason they say that. There's a reason you need to take care of yourself first before you take care of others. It's not selfishness, it is the grace and the gift that you give to others by being uh a well-taken care of person yourself before you take care of others, or even as you take care of others. So uh women really need to uh uh stop and take a moment. And there's something you said that I need to emphasize is that we just don't have this moment of silence. It's a completely underexploited moment of silence, and they're so much harder if we maintain our environment than when we step away. But nonetheless, uh yes, these are the things that women uh you know, we guilt over it, but we forget that we are so centered, that's the center of so much that when we if we are not taking care of ourselves, then everyone will suffer around us. And so the service we're giving or the care we're giving will not be up to speed. And people, like I keep saying, they will manage themselves around it. Because the reality is like when it comes to travel, you know, if it's a work assignment, people will go. You know, you will walk things around. The office requires that you go somewhere and they're going to, you know, arrange things and people will work around it. But when it comes to just for you, for leisure, for time out, to take care of yourself, we see that as something uh selfish. But it really is valuable to you as it is valuable to uh those around you, and so it is just again back to giving yourself permission to take care of yourself. If you consider it important to go to the gym so that you're in better health, to eat healthy, then consider travel as part of that self-care. Yes, that's true.

Kena Siu

Yeah, I do agree with you. Yeah, it must be over there, like in the checklist of self-care. Travel. Well, I do do it, but I didn't realize that. Yeah, I just didn't realize that it's part of my self-care.

Maria Kamau

A travel part, it is, even if it's once a year, even if it's you know, once a quarter, and it can vary. It can be a week and a week, can be you know, a nice long trip, four or five days once a year. Just the way it works for you, just add it to your list of self-care because that impacts positively on your physical health, on your mental health, on emotional, energetically, emotional, exactly, exactly, exactly. Yes, yes, yeah, it is part of your self-care.

Kena Siu

Yeah, you know, with all that you have just shared, it I just came to realize that I think what we do as as women, we create this kind of you know, bubble where we think like, okay, I want to feel needed, right? So, you know, because I can rescue people and then they can love me and and then they I be I belong, the whole thing, but then at the same time, we do that, but we then, as you said before, we came to this thing of saying, after all, I've done for you, yeah. But it's like you chose to do it, so I can depend on you, and then you're kind of blaming me, and so we get into this ball instead of kind of like losing that up, and then saying, Okay, no, I it's part of my self-care, and if I filling up, I fill up my cup, if I drive, as you said, the other ones are going to drive, so instead of making other people needing us, what about making other people driving because you are driving?

Maria Kamau

They grow too, yes, yes, we are actually blocking them, yes, especially young ladies, you know, our daughters, our female relatives, when they see us, you know, putting off life, they will think that's what should be done. But when you see they see us thriving, and yeah, the silent side is like men are men will go on with their lives, they will go for their goals, they will not stop for us. So this is part of the resentment, just what you are being that I've done all this for you, you know. How come?

Kena Siu

But hey, while you are doing all this for me, you could also have decided a little bit for myself, and then we continue with yeah, because I'm happy as a woman to serve, to care for, to provide for, but I also should not forget myself, yeah, yeah, no, we get it's when we get lost, you know, when we prioritize everyone except us, when as you said, you say our trade, we gotta put our mask first, yes, it has to be that way, otherwise, I mean, otherwise we're we're dead and we cannot and nobody will come to tell us put on your mask.

Maria Kamau

No, they will be busy with their own masks.

Kena Siu

Thank you. Yes, yes, they will be busy with their own mask, yes, and that's the thing. We think it's selfish, but no, you gotta survive on your own first.

Maria Kamau

At the end of the day, if I'm healthy, I I can I can help you. If I'm not healthy, I cannot. And this also goes particularly. This is why we talk about solo travel, friends, waiting on friends, women we love each other to the extent that we hold, particularly travel, maybe other careers, other things, we will move forward. But there are too many women waiting on their friends. I suppose, yeah, this part of the fear, you know, if I'm alone, but you run your family alone, you run your businesses. Travel is not that much different, it's a different package, but it involves all the same adventure except you move out from your comfort zone. Yeah, if your friends, your priority on travel may not be as strong as your friends, so it is possible to go out and come back in one piece, of course.

Kena Siu

And the cool part is that you might make some new friends, absolutely, right? That's the fun part. Most likely, you get to know other people and have different conversations again. It's part of that growing, you know, of creating new experiences and seeing things from different perspectives with new people that also help us grow a lot.

Maria Kamau

Yes, yes, new friends, different cultures, people who don't have any expectations of you or how you should behave, hopefully. So you can just be yes, yeah, just interact with others as they are. Yeah, it's an adventure, yes, it's an adventure.

Kena Siu

Yes, yes, which I I came to the conclusion, yes, but I came to a conclusion that that's I mean, it's such a stupid way of thinking because if we stop and reflect, the whole whole life has been unknown. We didn't know how to we didn't know how to walk at one point, we didn't know how to speak, then we went to school, meet new people, you know, to then get to meet your relatives, and then I don't know, have a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a new job. All that was new people, yes, all that was unknown. So why not taking that step forward to going for an adventure that of course is gonna be unknown, but it's gonna bring so much light and and pleasure and other perspectives and another way of seeing yourself and others and the world, and the world, yes, yeah, big whole new world out there.

Maria Kamau

I like what you're saying. One good example, just along the same lines, is when I'm asked, like, how do you go and interact with strange people, you know, out there? And I'm like, how many times do you take an Uber in a day? Do you know the person? Do you choose Ubers based on who you know? No, you don't. You're interacting with strangers all the time, all the time, yes, they're local strangers, these are just foreign strangers, but stranger is stranger, you don't know them.

Kena Siu

So yeah, wow. What is one of the I don't know, best adventures you have experienced, yeah, like in your midlife?

Maria Kamau

Wow, actually, it is starting to travel solo because I have to say I am fortunate that uh I've often spoiled. I have a sister who's uh

Maria’s Solo Travel Turning Point

Maria Kamau

we discovered very early in life we share a passion for travel. And she was uh, though she lives, uh she's the sister I'm visiting in Namibia, and I live, I'm based in Kenya. But it's not easy to find a travel companion who enjoys the same things as you do, can afford it in terms of time and cash. Just a reminder that it's you know, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it costs, so certainly you have to have a budget for it. Someone who's willing and someone with whom we get along. So, you know, travel companion, that's very many ticks. So I've been fortunate to have her as a travel companion as another and also uh another friend from Ethiopia who's based in the States. In fact, one of my most amazing travels was uh when I traveled to the States and we did a road trip from Boston to LA and back. That was fantastic. Wow. That sounds fantastic! Amazing, and we were camping all the way, so that was fantastic. So over the years, life happens. So people have, you know, the paths go in different ways, yeah. And so people get busy and travel. I my travel passion hasn't changed. I'm still very passionate about travel, and so we would travel at least once a year, and then as uh midlife, as we get more empowered and remember to, you know, no shame, no guilt, enjoy ourselves traveling. We started traveling more, and then they both got busy. You know, we are caregivers for elderly parents, careers are expanding and growing. So I found that I planned this trip to Europe and I was on my own, that nobody else could accompany me. So that was my first time on my own traveling across Europe. I did meet with friends who had moved from place to place and meet with uh uh friends in Germany, in Austria, in Spain. But essentially I covered like 15 countries on my own. And so that was the first time that I was actually, you know, had no one else to rely on because when you're traveling with others, it's always, you know, you have the comfort. And of course, I've come to realize you you won't even socialize with other people that much. You may not even you pay pay attention. Of course, there are positive things about being with company, but there are things you miss, you know, you trusting yourself, doing exactly what you want to do whenever you want to do it. There's no consultation, so you actually move faster or smoother. And I actually traveled across 15 countries on the fly. So just deciding. I only had one-way tickets and my accommodation looked for the first two or three days. No other plan. I didn't even know how I was going to where I was going to travel back to Nairobi from. So that was uh a most amazing, amazing trip because it was just planning to go. Oh my god, I love that. Like and I extend, oh, I don't like this place. No, I'm getting out of here. You know, am I going to book a hotel? No, I'll take a night bus and you know, cross to another place. Yeah. Um, there I'll stay two days. There, oh, there's another friend, he just did some random, impromptu kind of uh agreement, and so I ended up going to Romania, and so that was how I was doing the trip, yeah, and it was an adventure of self. I never wow, I mean, I could see people who travel solo. I had done it a little bit to some extent, like 20 years ago, I traveled across Syria on my own. But you see, I was coming from people I know across alone, across Syria into Jordan to meet uh my Ethiopian friend in a man. So I can say that part of the journey is alone, but not the entire tribe. But this one I was really on my own. And so, like I was saying, it gives you courage to do to do it again and again. I mean, I to achieve that, why not do it again? So by December, I actually went to Australia on my own and then traveled across again to New Zealand and uh PG and Samoa and Vanuatu. Fantastic, fantastic. So now I can confidently encourage women to travel because it's possible. If you really want to take the courage to travel, solo stop watching the news. That's one give.

Kena Siu

Thank you for saying that. It's so true. I mean, they give so I mean, the news are only about bad news. Why do you give about the good news? And then we we believe everything that they are saying, and it's like, come on, like the situation that happened

Safety Fears And The News Trap

Kena Siu

here in Mexico a few weeks back. And everyone's like, Oh, yeah, but it only happened in a few cities. The country is very big, it's safe. Where I am, we were safe, but I mean, they put it like they exaggerate, that's the truth. Yes, and then probably a lot of the people were thinking that the whole country was on fire. It's like, no, it was only a few cities, like, and but you know, it's like for the moment exactly. Exactly.

Maria Kamau

There's still human beings there. There are still people alive. Yes. So yes, it's an event. In fact, it's interesting you should say that. I have a friend who's celebrating her 50th right now in Cancun.

Kena Siu

Oh, no.

Maria Kamau

And they almost did come because of that event. You know, her friend is like, ah, you know, Mexico, this has happened. Like, just look at the map. Here's the map. Yeah, it's in the other side.

Kena Siu

That's what it happened. Exactly. No, and even if I'm in Daisai, but I'm up north. So again, it was just specific cities and for a day or two, and then it was it was done.

Maria Kamau

Country has not collapsed.

Kena Siu

No, not at all. Not at all.

Maria Kamau

Yeah.

Kena Siu

Yeah.

Maria Kamau

I love that advice. Now maybe. Yes, stop watching the news. The world is not ending. Yes, don't go to Israel at the moment. Don't go to Iran. Maybe with this. But only for a moment, I assure you. The time will come. Now there's a lot of other worlds. Just stop watching the news and travel. You know, there are many other places. There are many places you can go which are safe and good. Travel is fine. There's no one waiting around the corner.

Kena Siu

Yeah. I would like to ask you for women who are like, yes, I would like to do it. It's like, but where do I start? Because I know that's your specialty, right? So how do you guide them?

Maria Kamau

That's a good one. First is just to say it's possible. It's possible. First, it's just so simple, but it makes

Where To Start And Baby Steps

Maria Kamau

a difference. It's possible and you deserve it. Just those two. It's possible and you deserve it. Doesn't matter where or how you deserve it, and it's possible. And if you've never been out before, so again, why I target African women in general is just, you know, there just aren't enough of us out there, and probably on the same fears, the same that we have been talking about exaggerated even more, particularly in developing nations where you have, you know, the visa issue in your face even before you begin anything else. So as you know, to get past those barriers, if you've never traveled, if you've never managed your own travel, because again, I'm a travel coach and sometimes get confused with my agent, do I book flights? I don't do any of I don't make any arrangements, I don't compile itineraries, I don't make bookings. I work with people to understand to help you uh reflect on what your desires, what you are looking, why they travel. Is it um an Instagram thing that you've seen and you you know feeling formal, or that you really desire it authentically for yourself? And so I'm coaching. You know, coaching is not new, but it really has exploded in many fields, and in travel it's new. So it gets confused with the travel advisor, consultant, agent. It can, it's none of those, but it can also, you know, complement all of those. So as a coach, I want the best out of you. I want you to empower you. So I work with women over 40 who are who have never traveled or have traveled a bit, but particularly really targeting those who desire it and are not, you know, are not traveling or are fearful or you know, are just hesitating. And so it's possible you deserve it. Start with what's comfortable. Start first determining what is your desire, what do you want to get out of it? Is it uh just to tick a box or uh is what do you desire to feel? What do you desire to experience? So that uh that is the basis for selecting uh your destination. You know, don't just go to Paris because everybody goes to Paris, it's fine. You it's that's where what will help you uh build your confidence, go there. But what is it you want to experience there? Why do you want to go there? Perhaps you can uh uh achieve that uh nearer you, uh maybe uh based on your the time frame, time allowed, uh budget you can start with uh another city, even if it's within your country, go by yourself or with a friend, something you've just never done before, but just uh to take baby steps. If you're ready, you can take a flight out, go to a less resistance place, for example, a visa-free uh place nearby. It can be a country near you, or it can be a country where they don't even speak English, maybe, or if you're from Spanish speaking, you know, place that speaks English. Yeah, just so just go, you know, even there's no place I can say I'm just like just go. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu

I love how you say, Yeah, take action, and as you mentioned, baby steps, because as you have been talking about, basically it's it's about courage and it's about building self-trust, yes, every step of the way there. So it's like just yeah, take a getting out of the comfort zone, but still, you know, that's it, again out of the comfort zone, and today life has been so it's been made so much easier for people to feel secure.

Maria Kamau

So, even as I encourage you to go, just prepare yourself, prepare and don't take too long preparing, but just have an idea because preparing can lead people to paralysis of analysis, but preparation just so that you feel that confidence that you're secure, that um you are braver than you imagine, that you have the courage already. It's just for you to take the action. That's the difference. Action to support the courage. So today it's so much easier because everything is online. Most things are online. So if you're taking a flight, you can make your bookings online and share that with somebody, share that with somebody you trust. You can even book your transport, you can book your activities and send all this information to someone you trust so that when you know you have that security because a lot of it is based on fear. You have that security that at least somebody knows where you are, somebody knows where you're going, you're on dates, you'll be staying. And then, because of online, you can keep in touch. You know, you can keep in touch. If I tell you about my Syria trip in 2005, the last conversation I had with my friend was the night before. I still remember up to now at 9 p.m. In a hotel I was staying, we were attending a conference. In the you know, we are BBC, we were born before computers, so we were still learning, you know, at that time. So we were in a hotel with uh, you know how they would have cybers? What do they call them? I don't know what they call them now, some sort of oh, you know, section where you'd go and send email, use the internet. So we we didn't have there's no Wi-Fi, there's no internet. Yeah, of course not downstairs somewhere, computers. So I sent a message on Yahoo Messenger to let her know that I'm leaving tomorrow, going to the hotel on the range for me, a public taxi. They'll just call the taxi here. I'm going to go, there's you know, this kind of transport, and I'm expecting to be in Amman from Damascus at around 11 a.m. That's the last conversation we had on Yahoo Messenger. And I arrived there after all the adventure of traveling around 2 p.m. And she waited, and that was very fortunate for me. She waited until three hours extra. Today, minute by minute, I can be giving her blow by account. I don't even have to collect, you know. Here's the car, here's the taxi, here's the, you know, this is what I'm eating. I don't know, this is what we could stop. So there's so much, it's been made so much more conducive for people to travel alone and still feel secure. And so, what we just need to work through is the dramas we watch on movies and on news that you know, in fact, what I say is like much of what we're afraid of that can happen abroad can happen at home. And actually, usually does because we our guard is down at home, but when you get out, you're more aware of your surroundings, of yourself, and most of the time it's just maybe petty theft. What we can't avoid in general, which we don't enjoy, but what you can't avoid more often than not is paying more than we'd like to when we travel. I think for me, that's one of the most common dangers, if you will. And so, no, nobody wants to spend more than they can, but it's not like dramatic, you know, just like they say with a flight, in the unlikely event, we when we are being asked, you know, to put on our mask, they always start with in the unlikely event. It's not impossible, it's unlikely. So much of what we fear abroad is generally unlikely. What could happen is things that can happen at home. If it's uh petal theft, if it is misunderstanding between people because of language or not, you can work things out just like you do at home. And so really, or getting lost, you know, even at home we can get lost. And you can still find your way because there's so much more support now. And in general, most people would like you to have a good experience in their country because tourism is a big business, so everyone wants you to have a good experience, even if they are not directly involved. Most people would like to have a good experience so that you arrive, enjoy, live, and tell others about it, and that grows business. And most people are just at work. That realization came sometime on my travels, and I would be like, actually, I'm so privileged to travel, really, because everywhere I go, everyone is really just at work, they're just minding their own business, wherever you go. It's not unfriendliness or you know, it's more about people just living their livelihoods. Um everybody's at work from the time I leave home, the taxi driver, the pilot, the airsters, the hoteliers, the tour guides, then the people who are really on holiday is me and other tourists. We're only there for a short time and then we go back. So it's um it is safe.

Kena Siu

Yeah, but you know what? I think the issue is when we actually travel and we bring work with us in our head at all times, or or the issues at home that we we don't even try to disconnect from our minds from whatever is happening back home, and it's like so you might

Mental Baggage And Better Boundaries

Kena Siu

change the environment, but if in your head you're still then back home, you're not really present and you're not really enjoying, and you are not really, in that case, having that trouble, that adventure, if you keep shifting back to what it is there that you think is happening.

Maria Kamau

Yes, yes, yes, yes. You're absolutely right, and this is a paradox for me because I'm really targeting, or I keep reminding people you don't have to quit work because I I did most of my travel was while I was holding a full-time job, and I especially loved it because I wasn't the owner of the business, so I was employed. I was I'm a career data analyst or data administrator, and so for me, I especially embrace work and travel because I leave work when I leave work, and I totally completely switch off you know the out of office message, yes, and I will not carry my laptop, I am going to truly relax, but I realize it's not everyone, it doesn't come with ease to everyone, it's just exactly so. That's the challenge, that's the paradox, because people who are at work don't realize that this when we say travel light, it's not only for physical baggage, it's also it's about the physical baggage, yes, which is heavier than the physical physical baggage can be handled, you can put it on a track, someone can help you carry it, but the mental baggage, I'm sorry, you have to deal with that yourself, yes, and it's back to it's being needed, you know, feeling that things cannot run when you're not there, or really just your life being not being able to separate life from life, yeah, you from the rest of life. Yeah, you're so right. That is another thing.

Kena Siu

Yeah, and I think it's very important. I also I don't know when this happened when I was still having you know a nine to five job, that when I finally decided that no, I gotta chief switch off. That's it. This is it. And the thing is at that time, probably we I mean, we had smartphones, but it was not all this need of being connected all the time. I needed to answer, you know. And and even like I didn't allow it. I remember at one point I was working with some doctors, and they were like, Hey, can we just get your number so we get you into a WhatsApp group? And and I was like, I very politely I remember, I replied to them in an email, this is my schedule, and you can reach me via email. I was in like very nicely, but I'm like, no, and then imagine like these are doctors who are working 24-7, and I'm like, I don't want to freaking message from them at seven in the morning on a Sunday when they can send me an email, and then I can I I mean, it was not that the kind of work that I was doing for them, it was not of an urgency, yeah, it's what I put, you know, kind of like the line. So it's boundaries, exactly boundaries. So it's like, okay, it's you have your job, but it's up to you how you set the boundaries and when you want and need to switch off because you are here for living, not for working. You work is part of your life, but then go on with your life itself when you are out of it, out of work.

Maria Kamau

Yeah, you're so right, and that's a great example because you teach people how to work around you, and so the converse of that I'll give you. I've had that personal experience when I was early in my career, dedicated, first one in the office, last one to leave. Sometimes I'd be there on Saturday. So it became, I only realized that for some time that people would organize things around my dedication, even without involving me. So someone can tell someone, yeah, you make that delivery on Saturday. There's always someone in the office. Maria is usually there. So they will make that agreement and then come and say, Yeah, Maria, I know you'll be in the office, someone is delivering something. So I wouldn't think much of it when I was, I was like, Yeah, okay, of course, yeah, I'm going to be here until I was working with uh I've I've also been based in the South Sudan. I was working with uh in South Sudan, and because uh as expatriates, we have no other life. We have work is our life, you know, and it's uh often not family station, so you're there, and because you know it's not your country, you will work all the time. So then I started to notice a pattern that at 5 p.m., you would know it's 5 p.m. because at quarter to five, everyone's shutting their laptops, you know, you hear cupboards locking, everyone is off, and yeah, you know, people are off, and that would be the end of it. For us, we finish at 5, heading to where we live, open the laptop and continue working. Oh wow! So I just realized something's wrong with this picture, and so we even know not to look for them, we know not to refer anything. If you're going to send an email, you know it will be answered in the morning because you know you can see the laptops are in the office, you know, nothing, no work after. So I actually decided to do the same. I got my personal laptop, office laptop, left in the office. And if I want to do anything else, you know, that's when I was even exploring the travel coaching business. I was like, after five o'clock, me time. Yes, please eat one night, and then I realized that at first people will be like, but you didn't answer the mail. I was like, Yeah, I didn't have the laptop. Yes, I will respond to it tomorrow.

Kena Siu

And people adjust exactly, as you said, it's it's about you putting the boundary, and they're like, Okay, I know she's gonna answer for tomorrow. Okay, yes, and that's it. That's it, you can adjust.

Maria Kamau

So it's the same thing at home. If we might just realize that, say, like we say, I have my annual retreat every summer for these five days. People will walk around it, just put your foot down and go for it, yes, yes.

Kena Siu

I would like to know before we're kind of closing up this amazing conversation that I am enjoying so much.

Maria Kamau

Oh wow, time was good, yes.

Kena Siu

So, as a travel coach, what kind of practices or rituals you offer to your clients to kind of like get ready for for their trips?

Maria Kamau

Yeah, that's a good one. So to ensure that they take action, I give them pre-work,

Pre Trip Rituals And Intentions

Maria Kamau

homework. Oh, you love that, like what they need to research on where they're going and describe how they want to feel and need them to go there and be there and describe what is it? Is it you know, paint a picture? If you want to find a picture and present it, that's fine. But paint a picture, do you want to arrive there and your days are packed? And you know, no size fits all, so no one size fits all, and this is the important thing. Like, don't try to fit into you know what you think people expect or what you think people require of a holiday. What do you want to experience? What's your ideal holiday look like? Really just uh give yourself permission to be real. If uh you know your friend likes lying on beach while you prefer to rummage in a museum the whole day, you know. Yeah, I don't enjoy that for sure, but if that's what you want, that is what you should plan for. You know, do a research on the museums and read up, you know, which are the best ones to go, and you know, come and uh let's discuss it. So talking about visualizing, talking about it, describing it, also describing what you don't want to experience so that you also help them with clarity. So it's finding uh increasing the likelihood you're going to come back fulfilled, you want to enjoy yourself. So, what do you want to experience, what you don't want to experience, visualize it, document it. Let's have a plan of you know what it's gonna look like. If you want to have backup for what ifs, you know, much of what keeps us off is what if, what if, what if, okay, let's go through those what ifs. Yeah. Um, but focus is enjoying what I what will increase the likelihood that you'll enjoy. And then as we get age, even for me, I have to admit. When I was younger, my days were packed because I have to maximize. I'm going to be there for five days. We are hit the ground running, arrive, you know, throw your bags and you know, activity after activity. Because I've gotten older, I've come to appreciate a little slowing down, a little flexibility. You can have your schedule, but if you and this is why I encourage self-managed travel. You know, if you go through an agent and I don't have anything against them, the reality is that agents don't travel as often as we'd like to imagine. They arrange it and they base their packages on feedback, but they themselves may not have traveled as much as you know we imagine. So if you have your own arranged itinerary, then you can also throw it out if you don't like it. You know, you can start and you're right there, say, you know what? I don't feel like doing any of that. Throw your feet up and take a rest and no guilt about it. You know, just do you think it's about you and how much you enjoyed, it's about you and your fulfillment. And you don't want to come back resenting the holy day. You want to come back having enjoyed it, but pack a positive attitude because it's an adventure. And really, rarely, you know, things don't always go, you know, according to plan. So make sure you have time to breathe, make sure you have time to sit still, you know, engage in activities, but try not to pack it too much so that you have breathing space, so that you can really just be. Don't expect the trip to solve all your problems, just take it for what it is and break.

Kena Siu

Yes, yeah, and I think that's important. I I like that kind of pre-work that you are saying because then they have this kind of you know, like intention of having fun, and right, instead of what you just said, if their if their intention is just to escape, yeah, it's like it's it's not the same approach, and most likely might not work the same. And as you said, then it's gonna be like this trip was so shitty, whatever. Yeah, but what was your intention just to escape?

Maria Kamau

Yes, yes, so setting intentions that's the one setting intentions for it, and remembering that you're going to come back to the same life, so this is just a step away, yeah. The office would not have changed, and the people have not moved out of the house, not at all, just take a step, yes, yes, and just it's for you, just take it for the breather. It is do what you want to do the way that you want to do it for you, and uh, because not everyone is going on the trip with you, they don't know what went on, you know, yes, so true, just to remember that it's just come back for yeah, the world will move on, and they won't care when you come back, just be happy that you did it for you, yes, yeah.

Kena Siu

Be happy that you did it for you. That's the thing it was always it was about filling up your own cup, and yeah, so you can, yeah, you can drive and help others thrive.

Maria Kamau

Yes, you will share from a full cup, and they will notice, they might be the ones who are like, you know, mom, you know, maybe you need another trip.

Kena Siu

Love it, love it. Yes, yes. Oh Maria, I have enjoyed this conversation so so much. And just to close, I always like asking this to my to my guest in here is like, what's the pleasure that you enjoy the most?

Maria Kamau

That's a good one. I've realized that still along the lines of travel, but whether I travel or not, I really have come

Connection As The Best Souvenir

Maria Kamau

to appreciate, and that's something travel taught me, that I like to connect. I like to connect with people. So because I want to travel the whole world, I rarely never go back to a place once I've been there. I never return because I'm like, these resources can go. That's how I got to 90 plus countries, uh, because I'm trying to get to all the 195. But if there's one thing that will send me back to a place, is if there's someone I know that we can sit and have a coffee, a tea, just chat. So even when I went to Europe, I had been to Austria before, I wouldn't have gone back. But there is an old schoolmate who I hadn't seen since high school, who I learned was living in Vienna. So I diverted and went to Vienna. And she was gracious enough to host me with her family. I got to know her family, but we spent one full day catching up on 30 years, you know. That's not enough, but just over a coffee, being vulnerable, tippets, you know, what happened next, and just up to speed, you pick whatever you want to share and just connect with the heart, with you know, their life, their person, who they've become. I love that. I can visit a place and sacrifice even seeing the sites if there's someone to catch up with, sit down, let's chat. I totally love that. So, what we did as an example is like that trip from Boston to LA and back. We actually visited, had a coffee or a tea or a dinner with up to 14 different families at random. So they're like, Oh, we are passing through, you know, Ohio, you know, are you around? Are you available? Oh, we're in Washington, are you there? And some would be like, Oh, you know, I'm busy or my hands are full. But if you have between this time and this time, you know, we can sit down and do a very quick tea, you know, have a good laugh. And of course, they'll be fascinated by this journey. Where are you coming from? Where are you coming? But it was those connections were just it makes the journey memorable, just makes the journey memorable, just connecting authentically and really just a tea, a coffee, a shared story, a laugh that makes the journey you know different. So I love that. I love that at home. Enjoy. So even this, this is a bonus.

Kena Siu

Yeah, this is definitely a memorable moment shared with you, and I'm so grateful. And thank you for sharing all your wisdom, your knowledge, your your energies has been such a pleasurable and memorable moment in here. So thank you so much, Maria.

Maria Kamau

Thank you, Kenna, and uh keep us, keep us engaged, keep reminding us to engage. I love it. I love Mid Life Butterfly.

Kena Siu

Thank you for tuning in to Mid Life Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by hitting follow whatever you're listening and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you and say hi on Instagram at Midlife Butterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and beat enjoy growth.

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