What Was Up With The 80's?
A journey into the media that came out of the decade that was the 80's.
What Was Up With The 80's?
Episode 7 - Disorderlies (The Fat Boys Movie)
Disorderlies - 1987
Winslow needs money now to pay off gambling debts. If only his rich uncle Albert would die. But his orderlies are very good. Maybe by hiring three of the worst orderlies around, he can speed things up. Fortunately for him, he finds Markie, Buffy, and Kool, who have just been fired from their last job. With them around, he should have the money real soon.
We are about to embark on a journey, a journey to a bygone era, an era where everything was brown, everything smelled like cigarettes, and the hair, my God, the hair. Come with us on this journey as we find out what was up with the 80s.
SPEAKER_06:YARTS! Number 25. Come on, 25. Five!
SPEAKER_07:All
SPEAKER_13:right, welcome back to What Was Up With The 80s. I am your host, Adam MC Buff Grzynkowski. Nice. Yeah, I'm here with my co-host, Dustin Illest of the Ill Worley.
SPEAKER_07:Ooh.
SPEAKER_13:And Darla... Cool Beans Bean. I like that. Cool Beans spelled K-O-O-L-B-E-A-N-Z.
SPEAKER_12:I like that. There we go. That's
SPEAKER_13:pretty
SPEAKER_03:good. That's going to be your
SPEAKER_13:actual new nickname, just Cool Beans.
SPEAKER_03:All right. Yeah, dude. For real. That sounds good for me.
SPEAKER_13:Man,
SPEAKER_04:that was good. That was right off the top of the dome, it looked like.
SPEAKER_13:I'd been workshopping that all day, but I hadn't figured... I workshopped it, and then I forgot all of it, and then it hit me as I hit record that I was like, I gotta do nicknames. I gotta settle on
SPEAKER_03:one. I did like La Bruja, but I think I like this one better.
SPEAKER_13:La Bruja was good, but Cool Beans with a K and a Z at the
SPEAKER_03:end. Yeah, that's more appropriate to me. It's pretty
SPEAKER_13:80s. Yeah, for real. We are here to talk about 1987's cinematic masterpiece starring the Fat Boys, Disorderlies. Beautiful movie. This is a special event for me because this was one of my favorite movies since I was like five years old and I don't know what I was doing watching this at five. I might try and call my mom later in the episode and see how this came to be because like. We were not a hip-hop household. Although Fatboy's kind of transcended hip-hop in a sense, in a commercial sense.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, for sure. For sure. And you know what? They were slightly mimicking the Three Stooges in this. Oh, they were very much. This is a direct inspiration from the Three Stooges. Maybe the marketing got to you guys somehow. I
SPEAKER_13:don't know. We had this on tape, but it wasn't like a purchased tape. It was taped from probably HBO because that was the only cable thing you could tape from back then.
SPEAKER_03:So that means one of two of your parents were like, fat boys, we gotta have that on VHS. And my five-year-old son is going to love it.
SPEAKER_13:I think they just taped anything that was on HBO, because we have a cabinet full of things taped off a cable, and I don't think they ever watched any of them. They just did it. I watched a lot of them, but...
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I get it. You build a collection that way.
SPEAKER_13:That's how I watched Jaws back in the day, which was my actual favorite movie.
SPEAKER_03:An awakening there.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, horror awakening. This movie was a different kind of awakening. We'll talk about that in a few scenes. That's probably not the one you think, though, actually. Okay, fair. Dustin, I think you got some reviews to read before we dig into this.
SPEAKER_04:I do, actually. This had a lot of really good reviews. I was actually a little worried I wasn't going to find bad reviews on it, because after watching the movie, really, I was like, yeah, there's probably not going to be too much bad going on here. But I got a couple. Here's a two out of ten. It's called Disorder. Disorder. I don't know why he has so many R's, but that's what he went with. He doesn't do it well. Perfect example, the fat boys ride horses for the first time. What happens? Two fall off, and the third only has to look at the horse before it has a heart attack. That's whack. Three people downvoted that.
SPEAKER_13:I'm going to hunt that motherfucker down. I know, for real. What an off-the-mark... You know what? I will rebut the cliche of the white guy doing slang because that didn't become cringe until the 90s, I feel like. This movie was a little ahead of that curve. You didn't have the black people are going to teach the old uptight white people how to be cool genre cliche until... It's probably Sinbad.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'd say so.
SPEAKER_13:100%.
SPEAKER_04:Especially with his movie, what was it?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, Shazam?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. The well-known Sinbad classic, Shazam, where he plays a genie. Everybody knows that one.
SPEAKER_03:I actually have seen that one.
SPEAKER_13:I own it. You
SPEAKER_04:can't see it, though.
SPEAKER_13:I don't have to prove anything to you. I own it. And that's my story.
SPEAKER_03:It's Schrodinger's movie. As long as it's not observed.
SPEAKER_04:Oh,
SPEAKER_13:man. All right.
SPEAKER_04:What else you
SPEAKER_13:got?
SPEAKER_04:So the last one I'm going to read here. One out of ten.
SPEAKER_13:I'm going to hunt that
SPEAKER_04:motherfucker down. You might want to hunt this guy down, too. One out of ten. It grossed me out. I saw this at an amusement park in the Netherlands in 1988. After I watched it.
SPEAKER_13:Okay, this movie came out in 87. How is it already at an amusement park in the Netherlands
SPEAKER_03:in 88? They don't have much else to do there.
SPEAKER_13:That's some international distribution right there.
SPEAKER_03:So if they reached your family... Just know it also reached the Netherlands in an amusement park in 1988, so we can't really ask these many questions.
SPEAKER_04:Where are you watching a... Hold on, though. That wasn't even the only thing that stood out. Where the fuck are you watching a movie at an amusement park?
SPEAKER_13:Well, in the Netherlands, they do it a little different.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, I guess so, because anyway...
SPEAKER_13:They might have had a theater in the amusement
SPEAKER_04:park. That's fair. Yeah. After I watched it, I asked myself, why would anyone want to make a movie like this? Face it, it is not funny, and the boys are making you feel sick when they perform their fat... fun slapstick. I would not recommend this film to anyone. Quite frankly, it is a waste of time and money. 12 downvotes.
SPEAKER_03:I feel like this person just really doesn't like fat people. 100%! I didn't think about the movie.
SPEAKER_13:They are the fat boys. They kind of have to... do slapstick fat stuff in the movie it's literally in their name
SPEAKER_03:so i would say i don't really think i would not go to say gross here's in the title of my review
SPEAKER_04:and here's the thing i i actually watched a youtube video earlier and it was talking about how in the 80s we were talking about this a while ago how for some reason nationwide the the three stooges were just on all the time that america loved the three stooges to death
SPEAKER_13:we talked about that in our short circuit
SPEAKER_04:episode 100 yeah because of the tv that was yeah because they were watching three stages and um but uh yeah i will say that there was a lot of love for this movie on the uh user reviews it actually had not a bad rating um i don't remember i didn't remember pick what it was because he's just that that growth the one that said gross me out blew me away i was like this guy just hates fat people completely probably yeah so uh yeah no those were the user reviews and uh honestly again people were writing paragraphs about their love for the fat boys and stuff like that
SPEAKER_13:i I fucking love this movie. And I was telling you guys earlier, like I watched this movie probably about 400 times when I was a child.
SPEAKER_04:That's fair.
SPEAKER_13:Um, it was, I think I've only seen jaws more than I've seen this movie. That are space balls. Those were the three movies that I watched like constantly when I was a kid. Um, and, uh, I hadn't seen it in a long time. I bought it on DVD on a whim a couple years ago, and I was like, I bet this is not going to hold up very well. And then I watched it, and I was like, I still fucking love this movie. It's not like when I went back and watched The A-Team as an adult, and I was like, how was this ever made? This is horrible.
SPEAKER_04:No, really. How is this plot ever put together? But no, this one, definitely, I've not seen it ever, and it was... Another movie where, as an adult, I was like, this is actually... I realized pretty early on, I was like, I'm having a lot of fun because this is the fucking Three Stooges running around here.
SPEAKER_13:Basically,
SPEAKER_04:yeah. And I found the three people to actually not be annoying. They're really likable characters. Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:that's what I'm saying. They are charming. This movie
SPEAKER_13:holds up so well that Darla loved it. I did. And she didn't grow up... That's not nostalgia talking. You could argue that I have a special nostalgia for this movie, which is true. But I mean... Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:I didn't grow up in the 80s. Barely grew up in the 90s. Never saw this movie before. And I thought it was a lot of fun. I think that this podcast will actually be more of a love letter to this movie than it will be opposed to our other
SPEAKER_13:criticisms. That's the other thing that kind of surprises me. There's not that much problematic about the movie. Nothing. I mean, you have the peeping Tom scene, which doesn't age very well. No, for sure. Peeping Toms! I mean, you could say the fat jokes are whatever. We live in a different time now, but I mean, they were the fat boys, so... I mean, that was kind of their shtick. They were in on it
SPEAKER_04:when this was going
SPEAKER_13:on.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's very self-aware.
SPEAKER_04:Self-aware, there you
SPEAKER_13:go. They were maybe the first body positivity people.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, because you know what? When they go out to the skating rink, they take them out on the town. They are very, like in everywhere they go, they're very comfortable in the clothes they got on. Confident.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know. We will get to the scene, but there was a scene where Carla throws sprouts at One of the fat boys.
SPEAKER_13:That's a little problematic. It's not even problematic. If you want to date me, you got to take care of yourself a
SPEAKER_04:little better. I mean, she got standards, okay?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, she was pretty fit.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. We see her... Well, we'll talk about that.
SPEAKER_03:So let's get into the movie. I can't wait to talk about that scene that I think you're about to talk about. Sorry, keep going.
SPEAKER_13:We start with the Warner Brothers logo. We open on stock footage of the New York skyline. And then we We have shots of Brooklyn and we see the fat boys speeding old people in wheelchairs around and do a little dance for the old people in the nursing home that they work for. And we have the opening theme song of which I have a soundbite. I took music soundbites a little longer clips than I normally would because I don't think we're going to have copyright issues with this one. Yeah, that's
SPEAKER_03:fair. I could barely find a place to buy the album that wasn't on vinyl.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:I think it's going to be fine.
SPEAKER_13:That's true. Anyway, without further ado. The Fat Boys. I do love this, man. It's a
SPEAKER_05:certified banger.
SPEAKER_13:Thick bass line. That's
SPEAKER_04:all I'm going to say, man. It's pulling in a lot of funk.
SPEAKER_13:Congratulations. Yeah, I cut more in there. I'm
SPEAKER_08:vibing.
SPEAKER_13:I
SPEAKER_11:love my job. It's like a
SPEAKER_09:vacation. That
SPEAKER_11:was
SPEAKER_09:good.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, this is 87. This is kind of like the tail end of this sort of hip-hop. This is like before hip-hop became grittier. I don't know when NWA came out, but that sort of shit wasn't mainstream yet. Yeah. Hip-hop was still this and Tone Loke. Yeah,
SPEAKER_08:no,
SPEAKER_13:really. Like really kind of cheesy hip-hop. but still pretty good at the same time. Run DMC, I think, was big around this time. And then you get gangster rap that sort of takes over, and then you get rap that's a lot more artful, too. Yeah,
SPEAKER_04:like the 900 number came out around this time. Remember that one? The 900 number? Yeah, you don't remember that one? Anyway, keep going, because I can't sing it. I'm not, I'm not a rapper in the same manner as you are. So
SPEAKER_13:that's true. Uh, yeah. So I love everything about this. It's awesome. It's, it's like peak eighties.
SPEAKER_04:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_13:It's also, like, fairly clean, too. Yeah, yeah. Like, hip-hop also used to be fairly clean, if I remember correctly.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, 100%. It was just trying to tell you how to dance and what to dance and then who the people were.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:yeah. It was very funky.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of funk elements to it, too. Yep. I like it. Anyway, goddammit. This fucking news thing keeps popping up in front of my notes. Never good. Nah. Uh, then they do a little dance for the old people. I love their little side to side shuffle that they do.
SPEAKER_04:And
SPEAKER_13:then we go to Palm beach and we have a bunch of aerial shots of the rich neighborhood. So we're setting up the dichotomy, uh, right out of the gate. Then we cut to the Denison charity casino as posh music plays, uh, Laurie, who, uh, what's his first name? Winslow. I might call him Winslow instead. Laurie doesn't really roll off the tongue very well. Fair. He uses his little manservant with mirrored sunglasses whose name is Miguel. Miguel. I fucking love this guy. I know. He's great. I think they're secretly lovers. Oh,
SPEAKER_04:100% they are.
SPEAKER_03:I wish I could have found a fan fiction about that. And
SPEAKER_04:if not, if not full lovers, they definitely sleep like cuddled with each other. Oh,
SPEAKER_13:they're spooning.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. I mean, that's a good feeling among itself.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Since there was no fan fiction, Darla, your homework is to write fan fiction.
SPEAKER_03:Give me two characters and I will do it.
SPEAKER_13:All right. Well, we'll, we'll read it. We'll have a little special section on the next episode where we update with our Darla's fan fiction.
SPEAKER_03:I'll make it very erotic.
SPEAKER_13:Hell yeah. How dirty, though. I'm looking forward
SPEAKER_03:to that. I don't know. We'll see where my imagination goes. I do want to say, though, a behind-the-scenes in Adam's note. It says that he uses his friend, but Adam off the top just said his little manservant instead of friend.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, yeah. Yeah, the notes are a framework. I
SPEAKER_03:spice it up a little. I had to give him credit for that because I thought it was hilarious.
SPEAKER_13:uh so he uses miguel's mirrored sunglasses to try and cheat but a woman bumps into miguel and his sunglasses drop and then she steps on them and then winslow loses the hand apparently um this is kind of strange because they're playing poker right you don't just play against the dealer like there's a lot of other
SPEAKER_03:people yeah only like blackjack
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, only blackjack you play against the dealer. So I don't know how this is supposed to work. Also, he loses one hand.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And then that's supposed to ruin his whole night or his whole day.
SPEAKER_04:He's a winner. He's a champion. This is
SPEAKER_13:literally the first hand he's going to play. And that's like the tragedy that he can no longer cheat against the dealer who I don't. I don't even think poker dealers are supposed to be playing. No. Maybe it's Blackjack? I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:But here's what I do believe. I believe he traded in the last of his money for those chips.
SPEAKER_13:Possibly. Were they playing Blackjack? Maybe I just misread that. It seemed like he had an awful lot of cards.
SPEAKER_03:I can't remember. If he had a lot of cards, then yeah. And usually, was he holding the cards?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you don't hold the cards in blackjack.
SPEAKER_13:Well, you usually keep them on the table and peek at them. But yeah, I don't know. I was just like, I understand what they're going for with this scene. I'm just like, that doesn't make any
SPEAKER_04:sense whatsoever. Exactly that. But you know what, though? I will say Miguel, he's willing to try anything for old Winslow, okay?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, he definitely... Maybe they're not lovers. Miguel definitely is in love with Winslow. I'm
SPEAKER_03:getting ideas for my fan fiction. It's a one-sided, pining love story. It
SPEAKER_13:might be unrequited.
SPEAKER_03:I'm going to get angsty with it.
SPEAKER_04:You just have Miguel masturbating all over the house to the thought of... What's his face?
SPEAKER_03:I was thinking more dark and romantic, but I guess if you want to go masturbating all over the house, I can include that
SPEAKER_04:too. I watched some other kind of movies before I came here. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_13:Well, you know, that's just all in a day's work. So then we see Winslow at his computer, seeing that he's broke. He has, what, like$14 in a savings account or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Señor Montana comes in. I've got a soundbite for this. Montana is like the most stereotypical Mexican town.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Like gangster guy. 100% he is. It's fucking awesome. And I love this actor. This is Marco Rodriguez. He's been in a bunch of stuff. He was in The Crow. Just a bunch of stuff. But he's a recognizable face. Yeah. Probably one of the only recognizable faces in the movie, actually.
SPEAKER_04:I'd say probably.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Anyway, Señor Montana.
SPEAKER_06:I love the
SPEAKER_13:villain music. Yeah. I
SPEAKER_03:like the rattlesnake.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Probably
SPEAKER_14:seeing you
SPEAKER_08:again. Or it's
SPEAKER_03:a shaker. Probably. You're supposed to
SPEAKER_13:mimic a rattlesnake. Would you
SPEAKER_08:like something to drink, Miguel? Get him something to drink. What would you like, sir? Aguardiente. Luis, I'm afraid I have some rather disappointing news. Things didn't go as well for me today as I had anticipated. Actually, it was rather novel. It was sort of a nice change, losing. Usually I'm so lucky at betting, but as I always
SPEAKER_14:say, if you must lose,
SPEAKER_09:lose to a
SPEAKER_06:good cause. Stop the bullshit, Lowry! You borrowed$40,000 from us yesterday, and you lost it! Now that makes$640,000 you owe us. Now when do I see the money? I
SPEAKER_13:think after$600,000
SPEAKER_04:he'd stop watching it. I know, really. I don't gamble because I want to. With me, gambling is a
SPEAKER_08:disease.
SPEAKER_06:People die from that disease, Lowry.
SPEAKER_08:Do you know what I mean? Yes. Yes, I do. Let me level with you, Luis. The truth is, I'm broke. Is there anything else you would like, sir? No, Miguel, that would be all. Chocolate mousse? A little cannoli? No cannoli! No cannoli!
SPEAKER_13:Perdona, caballero.
SPEAKER_14:All I need is a little time. My uncle is very, very old. When he dies, I'm going to inherit all of this. All the stocks, the bonds, the antique French knickknacks. Everything you say will be mine. Wrong, Laudy.
SPEAKER_06:Most of it will be mine. The question is, my friend,
SPEAKER_14:how soon? Soon. Soon, soon. He's on his last leg. I could take you to him. Would you like to see him?
SPEAKER_13:Miguel? That's pretty efficient exposition, really.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah. I liked it. And honestly, Miguel was ready to put it all on the line for Winslow. Getting in the way of the gangster while he's turning the
SPEAKER_03:line. I think you need to write this fan fiction.
SPEAKER_04:No, I'm good. It would be un-arable.
SPEAKER_13:He offers him a chocolate mousse or a cannoli.
SPEAKER_04:I know, yeah. No cannoli! No cannoli.
SPEAKER_13:I love it. So awesome. So they take Montana in to see Mr. Denison, and Winslow steps on his oxygen hose to make him cough a bunch so he seems sicker, which I don't think that would work. No. But... Maybe. I don't know. It's hard
SPEAKER_04:to say. I don't know what he's hooked up to to work.
SPEAKER_13:I don't know. But he looks sick and he's old. He looks like Yoda. Yeah. Cut to nighttime. Winslow is freaking out. He only has three weeks to come up with the money. And then his manservant, that one's actually in the notes, rubs his shoulders while he looks at the racing paper. This is really weird. He's like... He's like giving his shoulders a rub down. Yep. That's why I think he's in love with them. Oh, he's 100% in love. You don't rub a man's shoulders like that unless you have some deep affection. No, 100%.
SPEAKER_03:Two bros can't rub each other's shoulders?
SPEAKER_04:No, I mean, they can, but I guess.
SPEAKER_03:Girls do it to each other.
SPEAKER_13:That's what girls do.
SPEAKER_04:I've had sore shoulders. You've been working out lately? Getting sore shoulders yourself or no?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, you can't touch them, though. I'm not
SPEAKER_04:trying to
SPEAKER_13:suggest.
SPEAKER_03:I was thinking
SPEAKER_13:you were propositioning. That's how I took it. Change the dynamic of the show.
SPEAKER_04:No, here's the thing. My shoulders hurt. I just wanted to know what you would suggest. Do you do anything special for your shoulders?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, don't be a little bitch about
SPEAKER_04:it. Okay, it's fair. Okay, I will take that into account.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, you can get a professional massage. Okay. Where did you do that at? I haven't gotten one in a while. Okay. Fair.
SPEAKER_04:I
SPEAKER_03:was asking all the real questions here. Important ones.
SPEAKER_04:I'm totally not trying to figure out what massage parlor you would go to to get a massage.
SPEAKER_13:Actually, the place I used to go changed names, and it's not as good anymore.
SPEAKER_04:You know what? Cinematically, you could imagine you pulling out to go to your massage, and then down the block, my car pulling out and coming behind you.
SPEAKER_13:That actually would work pretty well. Um, so Winston looks at the racing paper cause he's got a places night bets for the horses. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, man.
SPEAKER_13:The horse names are apropos to a situation. I just can't remember what they are, but it's clever. And then he gets an idea to get the worst orderlies ever to take care of his uncle. So his uncle will die preferably within three weeks.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I actually kind of love that setup, though.
SPEAKER_13:It's not a bad plot. It actually works. No, it is. Yeah, no, I like it. I mean, it's a horrible idea, but in terms of the movie, I'm like, yeah, this character would come up with that.
SPEAKER_04:And this, you know what? This might... I... this plot did not seem bad to me at all because i've been watching enough baywatch that like those plots and the the things those people come up with so much anytime
SPEAKER_03:i go to his house baywatch is on sometimes when i'm just chilling at his house baywatch is on
SPEAKER_13:yeah i'm aware
SPEAKER_03:24 fucking
SPEAKER_13:he talks about it a lot so
SPEAKER_03:yeah then you could guess
SPEAKER_13:yeah
SPEAKER_04:it's probably you don't have the colombo channel on here from uh
SPEAKER_13:i have the full series on disc so i can just pop the disc in whenever whenever you're feeling it and often i do i'll just have colombo on the background.
SPEAKER_04:Nice.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, yeah. I was just watching Columbo. No joke. Last weekend.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_13:So like four days ago. Oh, yeah. Because I fucking love Columbo. Anyway, cut to Winston reading the paper. The front page on USA Today is an article about the US's worst nursing home, which happens to be the fat boy's nursing home. It seems like a stretch for the front page of USA Today, but you never know. You don't have
SPEAKER_03:much else going on in the world.
SPEAKER_13:In 87, famously, no. We weren't Pete Cold War or anything
SPEAKER_04:like that. No, exactly. That's those movie convenient moments that I always just let go.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Oh, I skipped a part. Because before we get to that, we have to cut to the fat boys finding the fridge full of cakes.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, we did skip over that part.
SPEAKER_13:Dude. I think it's cool who finds the cakes and Marky comes in. And then you see Buff. Buff is the fattest one. Yeah. He peeks in at the window and looks like he's about to have an orgasm over these cakes. Yeah, dude. Like, you can see the lust in his face.
SPEAKER_04:100%, man.
SPEAKER_13:And he like rubs his hands and licks his lips. Yeah,
SPEAKER_04:he's ready to go, man. Those cakes did look good. I will say when they opened up that fridge, I was just about like, whoa, I kind of want cake.
SPEAKER_13:He comes over. and just digs his hand into one of the
SPEAKER_03:cakes. It's like a one-year-old at their first
SPEAKER_13:birthday. Yeah, dude. And holds the cake up like in reverence.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, man. I was like, this is going a little far with your cake eating. You can get a big fork.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, some silverware is probably more appropriate.
SPEAKER_03:Your hands are more primal.
SPEAKER_13:That's true. Primal is a good way to describe their interaction with the cake.
SPEAKER_03:I
SPEAKER_04:eat cake with a spoon I don't understand cake with a fork.
SPEAKER_03:Shut the fuck up. He always brings up spoons and he tries to get people mad. No, it's the truth though. He does do this. I
SPEAKER_04:do do that. I mean, it
SPEAKER_13:works for both. If you got ice cream with the cake, you definitely want
SPEAKER_04:a spoon. But like when I got crumbs, you know how much harder it is to get crumbs onto a fork rather than a spoon?
SPEAKER_03:No, you just scoop them to your mouth off the plate.
SPEAKER_13:I usually just leave the crumbs. But to be fair, I'm not really a cake person. It's not like I'll never eat cake. It's just that's not my thing. But yeah, normally there's little bits left on the plate. I'm just like, that's just the dirty plate.
SPEAKER_04:And then, heaven forbid, they serve cake and ice cream. Then they got to give you a spoon on top of the fork anyway.
SPEAKER_13:That's what I said. If you got ice cream with the cake, it's definitely a spoon situation. Yeah. Or a spark.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Boris Bork situation.
SPEAKER_04:I had a couple times where I had to break down and eat ice cream with a fork. That was a pain in the ass.
SPEAKER_03:Have you ever done it with your hands? No.
SPEAKER_04:I've done pudding that way when I didn't have a spoon one day.
SPEAKER_03:Alright, so this... That
SPEAKER_04:surprises me
SPEAKER_03:not at all. This cake eating with hands isn't that far-fetched.
SPEAKER_13:No, it's not. It's not outlandish. I just love the way he does it. He like slow motion jams his hand in and then lifts it up like like he's worshiping the cake
SPEAKER_03:i like the word you use reverence
SPEAKER_13:yeah yeah um so that scene happens then we have uh winston reading the paper uh with the usa today article and then in the nursing home the boss who is the most stereotypical boss type person ever replete with the cigar he's got like a hawaiian shirt on and a cigar in a nursing home which you probably shouldn't do was 87 87
SPEAKER_04:smoked everywhere but dude really especially the guy who's running the place but uh yeah no this is one of the most stereotypical characters
SPEAKER_13:but yeah uh he yells at them because apparently 16 chocolate cakes are missing I don't know if you caught
SPEAKER_04:that. I did. I wrote in my notes, 16 cakes they ate.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, now that's the most... Now we can say that that's truly outlandish.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, a little bit.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, that's diabetes level
SPEAKER_04:outlandish. Oh, dude, 100%. What, three... 16 divided by 3. I mean, 15 divided by 3 is 5.
SPEAKER_13:They'd have to eat. It'd be 5 and a third. Yeah, they'd have to eat. That's
SPEAKER_03:fucked up.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Well, they deny that they had anything to do with it. And then he makes the claim, and this is even more outlandish, that this is the fifth time this has happened this week.
SPEAKER_03:How are these fat boys not dead at this point? Like, seriously.
SPEAKER_13:They should all be in diabetic comas
SPEAKER_04:still.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Anyway, he yells wanting to know who took the cake and asks who has the keys to the fridge and then conveniently one of them comedically drops keys behind him yeah and they try to obscure the keys uh as he looks and then uh one of them kicks the keys under a table um and he tells them to go get it so they go under the table i think it's a buff and cooler under the table and then he yells get up now and they Take that quite literally and lift the table up and food flies all over him and he fires them, which is awesome. It was great. I mean, this is so ridiculous. It is.
SPEAKER_03:I do want to say I brought up in our last one, our last podcast, the 80s loves tables. I don't know what it is. If there's a gag, it's got a table in it. At least maybe. 75% of the time, and that's generous.
SPEAKER_13:Well, it's a cheap thing you can do practically.
SPEAKER_03:I guess that's true. That's a good way to look at it.
SPEAKER_13:If you're on a budget and you don't have special effects or anything, a table gag is a... It's a pretty easy gag to put together. Yeah, it's a solid one to pull out of
SPEAKER_04:the pocket. I do feel like right here kind of is where... The Three Stooges kind of kick in the most. Yeah, this
SPEAKER_13:is very slapstick.
SPEAKER_04:And then from here, like, they build on it.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, they do a lot of slapping each other gags that are straight out of the Stooges. Oh, yeah. The only thing they're missing is the eye poke. Yeah, the block
SPEAKER_03:and the eye poke.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, yeah, they didn't have the eye poke. Yeah. So Winston says, perfect. So he's found his orderlies who are conveniently now out of a job. Which means they're available on the market.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, man.
SPEAKER_13:For a cheap cost, probably. Probably, yeah. Cut to them on the plane saying goodbyes to their families. This is overly dramatic, and I don't understand it because it's not like they're going away forever. But whatever. I've got a soundbite for it because it's funny. Uh, here
SPEAKER_01:we go. Heart
SPEAKER_09:noise?
SPEAKER_02:No, that was a
SPEAKER_13:Boardman
SPEAKER_08:knows no
SPEAKER_09:reason. Do I have to go? Make
SPEAKER_05:your
SPEAKER_01:mama proud. And you listen here. You let a thing happen to my son. Come on, Jack, you up. Come on, Jack, you up. Ladies and gentlemen, we will be departing the air terminal shortly. Please fasten your seatbelts, extinguish all smoking materials, and make sure your seatbacks and trays are in the upright and locked position.
SPEAKER_03:So
SPEAKER_13:we have
SPEAKER_03:a... That last scene genuinely makes me cry. He leans back in the chair. Okay, Adam, explain it.
SPEAKER_13:So Buff, the biggest one, goes to lean back in his chair, and the chair back literally snaps and crushes this old guy's legs behind
SPEAKER_03:him. I'm almost crying thinking about it. He's just sitting there with no expression on his face. He's not panicking or anything. Well,
SPEAKER_12:he can't get up,
SPEAKER_04:so...
SPEAKER_03:No, but it's so
SPEAKER_04:funny. He probably snapped a bunch of stuff. He's like, I can't even speak now.
SPEAKER_13:Also, there's a small part in this one. You catch the grandma giving him the book of remedies or whatever. Yeah. That's just a little thing, but it's going to come back in the roller scene in an offhand comment. Yep. Which I'm like, that's kind of smart for thinking writing.
SPEAKER_03:They got lore going on here.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Did you recognize the last mom? No. She is the mom from Family Matters.
SPEAKER_13:Shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_04:I immediately recognized her. I'm like, gotta be Family Matters. Yeah, it was. No, not Linda Hopkins.
SPEAKER_13:I was going to say that's not her. I can't remember her name off the top of my head.
SPEAKER_04:I know. It is in here. Hold on. Joe Marie Payton.
SPEAKER_13:Cool's mother. Yeah, that's her. Yep.
SPEAKER_03:That's crazy. Good catch.
SPEAKER_04:Thank
SPEAKER_13:you. Harriet Winslow. Harriet Winslow, yep. Wow. That's nuts.
SPEAKER_09:Yep.
SPEAKER_13:I couldn't pull her name out. I used to watch Family Matters all the time. I couldn't pull her name out
SPEAKER_04:of my head. Yeah, no, I was hoping to see more of her.
SPEAKER_13:Well, no, that's all we see of the family, but it's a good scene. It is good, yeah. Yeah, if anything happened to him, I'm going to jack you up. Sit your fat ass down. So the plane takes off. We have another good gag because... They're talking about this job and there are three of them sitting in a row and between two of them is one old little white lady who seems to be intently listening to their conversation. She was
SPEAKER_03:fine with being stuck between them.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. And then they start slapping each other and her hat gets knocked off. It's slapstick. I love it. It's awesome. Cut to the Rolls Royce that is going to take them to the house as very regal music plays. The chauffeur looks on in disbelief. Uh, they put cool in the trunk because they can't all fit in the, uh, in the car. And, uh, I love buff has a great line. It's like, if I sit in the trunk, the car might pop a wheelie, which I mean, to be fair, that's, that's a distinct possibility.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, man, for real. A lot of luggage too, though.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. We have shots of them driving down the road. Uh, then we see a guy getting arrested for not having a shirt on. Um, And then one of them, Marky, he catcalls a few women on the beach in bikinis. And then we cut to him being put in jail. Because this place is pretty uptight, I guess.
SPEAKER_04:You know what, though? I'm fine with it. Hey there, you sweet, sexy, young things.
SPEAKER_03:That is what he said. I'm glad I came
SPEAKER_13:to you. Yeah, I can recite most of this movie verbatim, because as I've mentioned previously, I've
SPEAKER_10:seen it about 400 times. Yeah, many times.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Anyway, then we see Winston putting a bunch of cash in the donation jar as the head out. I love Boff as he's leaving. He's like, this place is heavy, man. I don't know. I've always liked that line. Yeah, it's a good line. I don't know what it means, but it's funny.
SPEAKER_03:It's heavy.
SPEAKER_13:Well, it was delivered well. Yeah. This is heavy, Doc.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I gotta say.
SPEAKER_13:There's that word again, heavy. Why is everything so heavy? Is it the problem of the future with the gravitational pull? Damn, I can't really remember all that. That's Back to the Future.
SPEAKER_03:I saw Adam glancing at me, like seeing if I recognized him. Oh yeah, we were
SPEAKER_04:gonna eventually have you watch Back to the Future here.
SPEAKER_03:I saw it when I was very young. About the child? But the child.
SPEAKER_04:And
SPEAKER_13:probably only once, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I can't remember. Well,
SPEAKER_13:you have to watch all of them, even though part three is not good. Do-do shit. It's garbage. I don't like
SPEAKER_03:it. It's really that bad.
SPEAKER_13:It's pretty bad. They go back to the Old West and shenanigans ensue that aren't very good.
SPEAKER_03:I remember a scene from that one, actually. He asks him why he has such white teeth. That's a big thing. That's all I remember. So you know what? I can watch them all again.
SPEAKER_13:Okay. Also, ZZ Top is in it.
SPEAKER_03:Oh.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, so they pull up to the house. There's a good gag with Miguel who's in the middle as Buff tries to put his arm back and rides his whole elbow up over his face. Dude, yeah. Again, kooky slapstick, but it still makes me laugh. Every time I watch this movie, I just crack up.
SPEAKER_04:Well, it's still got a good place in comedy.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. They get out and that's another thing about this movie. The editing is spot on because the comedy beats like this one. The butler is like, these can't possibly be the new orderlies. And we immediately cut to Winston going, these are the new orderlies. Yeah. It's a great, great editing. I love
SPEAKER_04:it. I like when the editing delivers the comedy like that. That's a...
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, like you said, the beats of them are very, very well put.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, it's all about the timing. Yeah,
SPEAKER_04:man.
SPEAKER_13:Then the dog... Chauncey attacks Buff and rips his pant leg, which is also hilarious. I don't know, him hobbling back trying to get this dog off and his whole pant leg just ripping off.
SPEAKER_04:Just come torn right off. I like this dog, though. Chauncey? Yeah, I like all dogs, though. You like Dags?
SPEAKER_13:Dags. Oh, Doggs. Yeah, I like Dags.
SPEAKER_04:Which one was that one from? Oh, that's Snatch.
SPEAKER_13:Snatch, yeah. That's the one with the dog. Yeah. Anyway, I've got a soundbite here. This is called Don't Touch Anything. This is when they're getting the tour of the house by the butler.
SPEAKER_14:My name is George. I am the butler. I work for Mr.
SPEAKER_08:Dennison. And my staff work for me.
SPEAKER_09:We
SPEAKER_08:will go inside now.
UNKNOWN:This way.
SPEAKER_11:No! The servant's entrance is this way.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, that can't go in the front door. Because the service entrance is this way.
SPEAKER_09:And this is the
SPEAKER_05:Denison sitting room. Yo, this is the sitting room. Now check it out. Damn, man, this guy don't throw
SPEAKER_09:away anything.
SPEAKER_05:Tight
SPEAKER_11:squeeze.
UNKNOWN:Tight squeeze.
SPEAKER_11:What's this thing do? We only have one rule in this house. Don't touch anything.
SPEAKER_09:You got it, brother.
SPEAKER_11:Excuse me.
SPEAKER_13:Don't touch anything. I
SPEAKER_04:like how they mockingly go to touch stuff. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I don't even know if it was mockingly. I think they were just like, I get to touch these things. He's like soup.
SPEAKER_04:He's like the soup. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:That's where Marky
SPEAKER_13:sees Carlo. And he goes to
SPEAKER_05:follow her.
SPEAKER_13:I love that so much. He snaps his suspender back. Yep.
SPEAKER_05:Lord, please let us be on our best behavior, especially Marky. Please let him keep his dick in his pants. I
SPEAKER_09:got it. I got it. Oh, no. I got it. I know. I know. Don't touch anything.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, that's Buff knocking over the vase, and then it gets tossed through the air, and Cool has to do a diving football catch replete with Looney Tunes sounds.
SPEAKER_04:Actually not terribly done. No, it's good. It's well done. I
SPEAKER_13:mean, it's silly, but it's good.
SPEAKER_04:Because sometimes those gags, they'll take them a little too long, even.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:This is good,
SPEAKER_13:though. This movie's a tight hour and 26.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, dude, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And the last four or five minutes are like, and then the last dance song number. So, I mean, they keep it pretty tight. This movie moves pretty well. The pacing is good.
SPEAKER_03:It is. It goes from joke to joke. It doesn't linger too long. It's fun.
SPEAKER_13:There's casual nudity, you know
SPEAKER_03:what I mean? There's peeping Toms.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Look at that butt. I will say,
SPEAKER_03:for this
SPEAKER_04:movie taking place in... what you would believe just the mansion essentially this does have a travel movie aspect where they go do different things and stuff like that so i i did have a uh there was no boredom throughout the movie not
SPEAKER_13:really no so uh the butler brings them in her mr dennison's antechamber which is the room before you get to the chamber yeah or the bedroom i guess you would call it yep and That's rich people shit. You gotta have a room before you get to your room. Yeah, man. You can't just have one room. You gotta have two rooms. One you have to go through to get to your actual room. It's a dream of mine. Fucking rich assholes.
SPEAKER_03:That's how they stay fit.
SPEAKER_04:Having to go through several
SPEAKER_03:rooms to get to the
SPEAKER_13:bedroom. Yeah. Then the butler shows them his weird medicine machine thing, which is ridiculous, but... it helps the movie out i don't know how else to say it that not this has never existed right no no never it's a it's a big uh like big metal box with a dome full of pills um which i think is supposed to show how much ridiculous medication he's on yeah but uh yeah it lights up and makes noises and he explains to them how to use the pill machine which they don't seem to grasp no No.
SPEAKER_04:If the person you're explaining it to doesn't ask you to try to explain it just one more time, then they're not paying attention.
SPEAKER_13:Because it's a very complicated system of dispensing medications.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:At the indicated times. It's
SPEAKER_04:like when the song goes off, you hit this button, and then you hit this button. You do not hit this button, and then the song will go off. I'm like, come on. And then you got to reset it. Yeah. I can't even follow this when I was watching it.
SPEAKER_03:He did want the guy to die. Well, this
SPEAKER_13:is the butler. I mean, he wants him to live. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:But they're supposed to not understand it. I'm just saying it seems like an overly complicated system. Also, there's medication charts on the wall. Yeah. So they could just use the chart
SPEAKER_04:it's
SPEAKER_13:also
SPEAKER_04:true it's also true need uh you know what though i feel like the rich people would have some kind of weird ass super mechanism for the pill distributor
SPEAKER_13:actually you're right that's probably that's probably true you probably had this custom designed yeah by an engineer just for him exactly uh then they go in to see mr dennison buff sticks one of his fingers in the nose of a mounted animal which is fun
SPEAKER_03:i think it's a camel
SPEAKER_13:I don't know. It might have been a moose.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you might be right.
SPEAKER_13:Moose and camels have similar faces. Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:it's those.
SPEAKER_13:It was a giraffe.
SPEAKER_03:If it was a giraffe, he'd have to be really tall.
SPEAKER_14:He's not the best color man in the lake for nothing, folks.
SPEAKER_13:Then the butler wheels Mr. Denison over via his remote control chair because Mr. Denison is sleeping. And this is where we get the wonderful line. He looks like Yoda. Which is awesome. And then they all say, hi, Mr. Denison. And he wakes up and goes, ah,
SPEAKER_11:I'm having a nightmare.
SPEAKER_04:You know what, though? I would not think that. I don't
SPEAKER_13:know if it's because they're fat or because they're black or both. I mean, this is a pretty posh estate. 100%
SPEAKER_04:it's both. I don't think he would have understood what to make of this at all.
SPEAKER_13:There's not really much underlying racism in this movie. There's a little bit, but not much, really.
SPEAKER_04:From Mr. Denison's point of view, I don't think he would have knew these are the new orderlies right off the bat.
SPEAKER_13:That's probably true also. I mean, they are dressed in their spiffy new orderly outfits.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, that is true.
SPEAKER_13:Cut to another backyard party. I love how rich assholes are always having stupid backyard parties. This is apparently a$1,000 a plate benefit. I love this gag. Because Buff is standing there with a bunch of plates under this towel.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, five grand worth.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, I think Marky is like, what are you doing? He pulls out a newspaper and he goes, it says it's a thousand dollars a plate lunch. That's five grand right there. He's like, get out of here. And he goes, that's right. Yeah. So stupid. It is. It's like the scene in Dumb and Dumber. It's like, this is a thousand dollar plate benefit. Good night. It's like, oh, here, put us down for two in case you
SPEAKER_11:want.
SPEAKER_12:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Then he has the beautiful gag of the spritz right in the face. I love it. Man, I miss that movie.
SPEAKER_13:That's a great movie. Probably one of the most perfect comedies ever
SPEAKER_04:made. Oh, yeah. 100%, man.
SPEAKER_13:Never be another one like that. Anyway, Mr. Denison is laying in this bed thing. Yep. It's like a basket. He's laying in a bed basket. Yeah. This is strange, right? It is very strange. I don't know why he's just not in... A wheelchair. I don't get it either. Rich people shit. Yeah, man. It is rich people shit. Eccentric. It's so much rich people shit that they have a lift, an arm lift with chains and hooks to like attach to this bed to move him over to his chair. I have a theory. Which is like, I don't know, six feet away. I have a theory. Okay. I don't know what this is.
SPEAKER_04:I have a theory that this was not there initially. Oh, you don't
SPEAKER_13:think everybody has this next to their pool?
SPEAKER_04:I feel like Winslow had this installed in order to get Denison dunked into the goddamn pool.
SPEAKER_13:That's a possibility because that's exactly what happens. So they start to hook this lifting up to his bed, which is four chains that apparently hook onto the side of the basket that he's in.
SPEAKER_10:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And I think Winston's like 100 bucks says they kill him themselves, which is exactly what he's hoping for. Yep. Buff clearly doesn't know which lever to hit and is hesitating and then randomly hits a lever and it raises Mr. Denison up in the air and he freaks out. The fat boys start to fight. Cool. Cool. who I nicknamed Darkness in my notes because I didn't know their names at first. Charlie Murphy. Charlie Murphy! He falls in the pool. People try to help, and they fall into the pool. The other fat boys get pulled into the pool. Buff's pants get pulled down, which is wonderful. He's wearing large tighty-whities. Oh, my
SPEAKER_04:God, old lady. I mean, it was the 80s. I don't think they had boxer briefs really much back then, but...
SPEAKER_13:No, they had briefs or boxers. Boxer briefs didn't exist, unfortunately, for everybody involved.
SPEAKER_04:Should have put them in gigantic boxers.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, they'd show through his white pants, though. Oh, that's fair. You got to have the tighty-whities. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. Yep.
SPEAKER_14:He's not the best-colored man in the league for
SPEAKER_04:nothing, folks. Not fashionable, I'll tell you.
SPEAKER_13:No. And then the chain breaks on the contraption, which is also ridiculous. And then Mr. Denison falls into the pool as well. And I've got a soundbite for the aftermath of this. Here we go.
SPEAKER_08:I want them replaced immediately.
SPEAKER_09:They're inept.
SPEAKER_13:But why?
SPEAKER_09:Uncle Albert, you're not giving them a chance. You
SPEAKER_14:bully them. You intimidate them. They're sensitive young men.
UNKNOWN:Oh.
SPEAKER_13:Again, the comic beef, so I'll talk about it after the sound bite.
SPEAKER_09:Won't you give him another chance? Come on, be a pal. Please.
SPEAKER_05:George, what's up? George! What's up? What's that? Filet of raw beef and vegetables du jour. Du jour?
SPEAKER_00:I
SPEAKER_05:love
SPEAKER_13:the fish out of water aspect.
SPEAKER_14:That
SPEAKER_13:was German. That's French.
SPEAKER_04:That's American.
SPEAKER_13:That's Marky sleeping.
SPEAKER_05:Yo, bro. I done got it. Stop. Stop, man. I'm breaking out, man. I'm getting out of here. Will you cut the crap, man? I'm saying I'm getting out of here, man. This place is wacky. You know it, man. Ask for a little cheeseburger. No lousy cheeseburger. All they got is filet mignon. I can't even sit in the way. Tell my sister where. The chair breaks on me. Yo, I want to go back to East New York now, man. taking me
SPEAKER_09:i want a bus station now
SPEAKER_13:so again the perfectly timed comedy beats because when winslow is talking to mr dennison he's like they're sensitive young boys and then you immediately cut to cool sitting in one of those hanging chairs that snaps and he falls to the ground this is so good man
SPEAKER_04:They did a good job with slapstick comedy. And the destruction that goes on, it's actually fun destruction. Sometimes I feel like in movies they'll have destruction and it'll be super tragic in a way. Like, what is it called? With Ben Stiller, Meet the Parents.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, yeah, when, like, the urn falls and the cat shits in the ashes of the grandmom.
SPEAKER_04:Or when he burns down the, like, gazebo there. gonna get married in that's like tragic comedy you know what i mean this stuff getting destroyed is funny
SPEAKER_13:that's hilarious i love it so cool has had enough he wants them to take him to the bus station so he can get the fuck out of there i don't know why he's carrying around a bag of athletic balls the whole time yeah i don't know either but whatever that's fine
SPEAKER_04:that made no sense to me i was like what does he carry it arguably there's no logical reason for him to have all those anyway
SPEAKER_13:no
SPEAKER_04:He's not very active.
SPEAKER_13:No. I mean, he did make a good football catch with the vase, though. That's true. Yeah, you're right. In your face. Cut to Winston filling a syringe with some mystery liquid. He is talking to Miguel. He's like, those new orderlies are perfect. 50 bucks says they're asleep already. And then he walks out from behind a painting that is apparently concealing a hidden passageway, which is more rich person
SPEAKER_04:shit. I loved it, dude. Oh, it's great. So when I was growing up, the way that these two rooms worked, the closet... Like, you could go kind of around and get into the other closet. Yeah. And I always loved it. It was like this secret passage. And I always wanted to build a house or have a house that had some kind of weird secret passage somewhere. I believe I've missed the boat on making enough money to afford anything quite like that.
SPEAKER_13:You and, like, most of America.
SPEAKER_04:No, I know. But I wanted to propose at some point you building some kind of secret passage somewhere in your basement.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:What's he going to do, carve it out?
SPEAKER_04:I don't know. I
SPEAKER_13:don't know the logistics of it. No, you don't. We'll talk about that later. Okay, fair. So he goes to stab Denison with the syringe, but finds that it is a dummy under the sheets. He violently goes to put
SPEAKER_04:this syringe of shit into him. I was like, that's a little much.
SPEAKER_13:My only problem with the scene, aside from how aggressive he is, If this is a dummy in the bed, how is the heart monitor still beeping? More
SPEAKER_03:rich people magic. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I have no clue.
SPEAKER_03:They rigged it up somehow. Yeah,
SPEAKER_04:I don't get it. There shouldn't be.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, I noticed that taking notes. I'm like, wait a minute. The heart monitor is beeping. What the fuck?
SPEAKER_04:Nothing.
SPEAKER_13:No. Ruined. Just ruined the movie. Cut to them driving the Rolls Royce with Denison in the back, who is still asleep. They pick up some chicks.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And the one chick climbs over Buff, I think, and is kind of weirded out by a sleeping old man.
SPEAKER_09:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And he's like, oh, this is my friend Cool Al over here. He's into drugs. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I love that line.
SPEAKER_13:Which is technically true.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. He's on a lot of drugs. Pilled up all the time,
SPEAKER_13:man. Yeah. The girls ask where they're going. And Marky's like, we're taking friend Cool over here to the bus station. He's going home. And then Cool, who is now happy that they found some chicks, says he ain't going nowhere. So, all it takes is some chicks. Oh,
SPEAKER_04:yeah. That's all it ever takes is a couple chicks. I'm ready to party. Yeah. Down to clown. Anybody listening to this podcast, email us. You can party.
SPEAKER_13:What's our email address? Pretty cool, I guess. Production.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_13:Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_03:I'm sure they're all going to be rushing.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Absolutely.
UNKNOWN:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_13:Cut to them going into the roller rink, which is also a peak 80s thing. Darla, when you were growing up, did they have roller skating parties, or did you miss that?
SPEAKER_03:I did not miss that. Great skate? No, the rink.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, Van Dyke 23 mile. That was my thing. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I went to the rink, too, for a long time.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. No, I didn't miss out on that.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, I know where that is, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, see, I'm a... I grew up a little more in the ghetto. Yeah. Not quite the ghetto, but, you know, less classy. But we had great skate, and then when I was real young, there was the Ambassador Roller Rink. Okay. I don't even know where that was. I'm sure it's not there anymore.
SPEAKER_04:No, I don't think a lot of roller rinks survived this. The rink
SPEAKER_03:did, though.
SPEAKER_04:The rink still did, yeah. You know, any day that you want, To go skating? Let me know. I'll pick you up. We can go over to the rink.
SPEAKER_03:He'll hold you by the hips.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, it's not that I won't. I'm not saying we should. I'm good. Okay, fair. Oh, you're
SPEAKER_03:going to hold him on the hips then?
SPEAKER_13:No. No,
SPEAKER_04:he's just not going to be at a world rink at all.
SPEAKER_13:Ice rink, maybe.
SPEAKER_04:You know what? One of these days I'm going to come through with a fifth. I'm going to make sure you get nice and sleepy, and then you're going to wake up the roller rink with me.
SPEAKER_13:That actually sounds kind of fun. So straight out of my notes, cut to them going into the roller rink with my sexual awakening happening. Yeah. Because this woman that's singing in the roller rink, is the first vivid memory I have of seeing a woman on screen and being like, this is pretty cool. And I think it's the dress. Because she has big holes cut out. She's got this tight black dress, but big holes cut out down the side, which reveal a lot of skin. And I don't know. Something about that look.
SPEAKER_03:It's also kind of a... Sexy song. I don't remember the lyrics necessarily.
SPEAKER_11:Work me on down. Work me on down. Show me how to do it and work me down. I
SPEAKER_03:mean, I'm sure you comprehended something about that as a child as well.
SPEAKER_13:Possibly. I don't know. This was just like five or six year old me being like. I
SPEAKER_03:like that. I'm like, huh. That's fine.
UNKNOWN:Huh.
SPEAKER_04:I really, I wish they had skating rinks like this still.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, every skating rink we went to just had a DJ in the booth. Yep. Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:I've never seen a woman sing live. No
SPEAKER_13:live performances. No, no. I don't know if this was actually a thing that happened. It
SPEAKER_03:did here.
SPEAKER_13:It did here, yeah. And I'm super glad it did. Even now, as an adult watching this, I was like... Yeah, dude, yep. I was like, that's doing something for me. That's doing all sorts of things
SPEAKER_03:for me. I think it's all the times you watched it before. It's just...
SPEAKER_13:I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying the effect has not worn off. It is imprinted in my brain. And every time I watch this movie, I'm like, God
SPEAKER_03:damn. Yeah, like a neuron activation.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I've got a soundbite for this. Mostly, I have the soundbite so that we can hear the boner noise that they make when Mr. Denison gets a hard-on because the hot girl is in his lap. And I have entitled this soundbite, Boing. Boing.
SPEAKER_05:That's the
SPEAKER_13:payback for that book thing. The what? That's the payback for
SPEAKER_09:the book thing. I'm
SPEAKER_13:sorry, I
SPEAKER_09:keep...
SPEAKER_13:This song also a straight banger.
SPEAKER_09:Yeah, I've
SPEAKER_13:seen this movie
SPEAKER_09:like
SPEAKER_12:400 times. She's feisty. She is.
SPEAKER_08:Nothing
SPEAKER_04:like chaotic girls to get you out of your shell, man. That's right.
SPEAKER_09:Ha
SPEAKER_04:ha!
SPEAKER_13:So first off, I didn't even consciously know the work, work, work part was coming up. That just arose out of my brain from like muscle memory. That's a fucking amazing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Primal activation.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Also, not only do they have the boner sound, but we camera pan down to his crotch as the boner sound happens. Well, yeah, you got to drive it home. Yeah. I love it. And then he seemingly gets excited that he has a boner. Which you got to imagine that's the first one he said in years.
SPEAKER_03:He did say there was no Viagra
SPEAKER_13:then. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I got to imagine that. Yeah, years, man. I mean, well, Carla. I mean, Carla being around the place. That's not the same. She's not sitting in his lap. That's true. Yeah. Yep. That's why the last main idea.
SPEAKER_11:Rock this body all night long. Work me down now. Work me down now. Show me how to do it and work me down.
SPEAKER_13:I love it. I
SPEAKER_04:love it so much. I know. I feel you. I'm feeling it.
SPEAKER_13:I'm sorry. I've had a rough day, and I did not want to even record today, and now I'm super pumped.
SPEAKER_04:I'm like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, man. Good thing, because honestly, that shows the power, the power that this movie is.
SPEAKER_13:Over me, anyway. I don't know that everybody else is experiencing it quite the same.
SPEAKER_04:Well, I got to say, 10 of our viewers, if they're having a bad day, throw this title on. It's free on YouTube.
SPEAKER_13:Just watch the roller skating rink and get pumped up by that banger of a song. Do that. And sexy woman in her dress that's half not there. Yeah, man. Just saying. Then we have a full skating montage, because of course we do. It's 87. Cool is on a skateboard for some reason. I don't think they allow that, but whatever. Then they form like a conga line with buff in front, and then they accidentally dump Mr. Denison out of his wheelchair, and they all start laughing. And he says, you guys kill me, another like this, and I'll die, which is an ironic line. I think it's Buff's like, you can't die, Albert. If you die, we'll lose this job. And then they all laugh. So they are now fast friends, mostly because Mr. Denison got a boner.
SPEAKER_04:And possibly a concussion.
SPEAKER_13:Possibly a concussion, too.
SPEAKER_04:That's why, really, he's all good.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, he's out of his mind now because of a head injury.
SPEAKER_04:That kind of would be an old comedy trope, too, where he gets hit in the head and, like, changes him to being like, oh, these guys. And then he gets hit in the head again. He's like, these guys are great.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. Cut to them trying to sneak back into the house. They have his pill machine with them somehow. This wasn't in the car before, and it's big. Maybe they had it in the trunk. I don't know why they take it with them. I don't think it's battery powered. Like, you got to plug this thing in, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Like, I didn't get it either. I didn't understand why they had it with it either. I
SPEAKER_13:don't know.
SPEAKER_04:I usually have a theory about these things, but. I got
SPEAKER_13:nothing. You are deep into your spinach, so.
SPEAKER_04:That's true. But even on top of that, this makes zero sense.
SPEAKER_13:It really does. And Darla has nothing either, so. Well.
SPEAKER_03:No.
SPEAKER_04:Well,
SPEAKER_03:because. I mean, maybe just it's for the gag. LOL. There you go.
SPEAKER_13:So they bicker and do some Three Stooges stuff, which means they slap each other a bunch, which is all very funny. And the sound effects are classic.
SPEAKER_04:There's a point where he does the duck at one point where they
SPEAKER_13:slap. That's later.
SPEAKER_04:That's later. I thought so. Damn it.
SPEAKER_13:Okay. You know what that means, don't you?
SPEAKER_09:He's not the best color man in the league for nothing, folks.
SPEAKER_04:I wish people could experience the tension inside before the button gets hit. It's pretty good.
SPEAKER_13:Cause I never just go right for it. I always make you wait.
SPEAKER_03:You can feel that it's coming. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:There's like a, there's like this dead air moment where it's like, Oh,
SPEAKER_13:hopefully that translates to audio. Cause Dustin can see me reaching for it. And so there's, it's, it's, it's sort of telegraphed what's coming. I don't know if just random dead air in the podcast is a great idea, but
SPEAKER_03:sometimes it's not even just you reaching for the button. Sometimes it's just the pure fact that you're quiet for a moment. You just know what's coming. I
SPEAKER_13:think it pays off. Well,
SPEAKER_03:maybe they can tell.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Anyway, then they get inside and Marky takes the pill machine and they get Mr. Denison into his other chair. This is his stair climbing chair. Yeah. You can tell because there's like tank treads on it. Yep. I don't know what... This seems dangerous. I don't know why they don't just have all those chair lifts. Yeah, I don't know. Like from Gremlins.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, man. They should. He's a rich guy. Or maybe an elevator to the second floor.
SPEAKER_13:Anything other than this tank chair that looks like it could fall backwards and crush him. Yep. I don't know. It's strange. It makes
SPEAKER_04:zero
SPEAKER_13:sense. Anyway, he wheels forward and then the lights come on. The whole staff is on the stairs for some reason. I don't get this because they were not making sounds.
SPEAKER_04:No.
SPEAKER_13:So the staff... presumably had to be waiting there until they rolled back in well or maybe they made enough noise outside that it alerted everybody because of their slapstick antics
SPEAKER_04:no you know what it is it is where uh winslow knows that he's not there and neither are the orderlies so you know how like the parent will wait up for the child to get back I understand
SPEAKER_13:that, but the entire staff is there on the stairs.
SPEAKER_04:That's because Winslow ordered every one of them out of their beds up there to look at them while they came inside. Because Winslow has that kind of power. I mean, I guess. He wanted to send a message to Mr. Denison.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, he gets all indignant. He goes, you have ruined my plans for the evening. The
SPEAKER_10:murder.
SPEAKER_13:He ruined the murder for the evening. Actually, now that you say that, yeah, they did. Okay, I get it now. He goes, listen, from now on, I want Albert at home where he belongs, where he's safe, where he's loved. And then Mr. Denison says, chill out, Winslow. I watch this movie so much that my dad would say that all the time. Really?
SPEAKER_03:Yes. You aren't fucking kidding.
SPEAKER_13:I'm not kidding at all. That was like something that would be heard in my house.
SPEAKER_10:This movie is really a
SPEAKER_13:part of you. No, I love that. Oh, this movie is deeply ingrained in me, along with Jaws and Spaceballs. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah. Shit. So Denison says, we just went to an all-night drugstore to get some special medicine. It worked.
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_13:Which means his penis can get hard again. Yeah, man. Ready to go. Then the dog attacks Cool. Yep. He goes, that dog's a bigot, man. And Marky goes, nah, he just likes dark meat.
SPEAKER_14:Oh, my God.
SPEAKER_13:That's good. Because Marky, I don't know if he's black or not. He seems like he's Hispanic of sorts.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, for sure.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:He does it, yeah. You're right.
SPEAKER_13:Some sort of mix, but he's lighter than the rest. Yeah. 100%. Mark Morales. That seems like a Latino
SPEAKER_04:name. Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, he just died a few years ago.
SPEAKER_03:Oh.
SPEAKER_13:Really? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, rest in peace. That's really sad.
SPEAKER_13:I think all of them are dead now, actually.
SPEAKER_04:Money Train? He's got to be a producer or a music
SPEAKER_13:composer. Well, he was a music composer, yeah.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:It does not say, but he died in Miami, so he's probably Cuban. Okay. Anyway. Fair. That should be stricken from the record.
SPEAKER_04:No, I mean, yeah, Morales.
SPEAKER_13:That sounds Latin enough.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, for real.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, so then Winslow lets the dog go again, and it attacks Marky this time, which is funny. So they have all now been attacked by Chauncey, the dog. Yep. And... Now I have a soundbite of them going up the stairs, and it's a short one, but I felt compelled.
SPEAKER_14:Well, I think that's enough excitement for one night.
SPEAKER_11:So I'll get to bed, see if we can get some rest.
SPEAKER_05:Let's give that dog a head. You know, Uncle
SPEAKER_14:Albert, I think it's
SPEAKER_08:terribly unfair of you to put me through all this worry. Step off, old boy. I
SPEAKER_13:like it. Yeah, it's good, man. Like I said, this was before the cringe era of the movies solely based on the black people making the old white people cool or trying to be cool.
SPEAKER_04:They, like... beat that to death, man. It was just...
SPEAKER_13:I don't understand. Well, that's not even really the premise of this movie. There's just a little bit of that peppered in. I
SPEAKER_04:know, but I'm saying through... I don't know why that took off as being something everybody was so after. Because it's
SPEAKER_13:lazy and easy? Okay,
SPEAKER_04:that's fair. You're right.
UNKNOWN:Good point.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, it's always easy to have a dance scene where the black people... Try and teach the white people how to dance, and it's goofy and funny. That's fair.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. You got points.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. And Step Off Homeboy is beautifully delivered. Yeah, it is good. He does a good
SPEAKER_04:job.
SPEAKER_13:Step Off Homeboy. Love it. Then there's a couple shots. I can't remember, but whatever. We see Winston go into sleeping Albert's room to try and actually kill him this time with the syringe full of mystery liquid. But Buff comes walking in, so he tosses the syringe out the window, and we hear the dog yelp and drop.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:No. And then
SPEAKER_13:Winston breaks down crying in front of Buff. I was sad, man. All right. This is not how syringes work. You can't just throw it. Like, you have to press the plunger to inject. You can't just throw it as a dart and then it kills whatever it hits. I have a
SPEAKER_03:theory. That's a good point. Okay.
SPEAKER_13:Dustin's got a theory. Darla, buckle up.
SPEAKER_04:So, listen, though. When he threw the syringe, it's got to go, like, traveling like a dart, right?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, so that's the implication.
SPEAKER_04:Now, could the impact... drive that plunger in when it hits its stop because the motion from the plunger i mean it's only liquid there so do you think it could have like
SPEAKER_03:well it takes a pretty have you ever like i'm this is not by much experience but plunger like they're not that easy to push in they take like
SPEAKER_13:a little yeah so the the problem with your theory there dustin is uh the plunger doesn't really have any weight inertia to it because they're just plastic so there's There's not much weight there. And then, yes, to Darla's point, A, there's a rubber O-ring there, so you've got to get past the friction of that. But also... You're pushing a lot of liquid through a very small opening. So, you know, it takes some force. So to answer your question, no, that's not possible.
SPEAKER_04:Now, my last question I have. Oh, there's
SPEAKER_03:more. But wait, there's more.
SPEAKER_13:But wait, there's
SPEAKER_04:more. Was the dart long enough that like when it hit the dog, it could have like impaled its heart?
SPEAKER_03:I mean, that's maybe more plausible than. But it's a
SPEAKER_13:hypodermic needle, so it wouldn't have. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, then I... Okay, then. This dog should still be alive, damn it. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Justice
SPEAKER_04:for Chauncey. Justice for
SPEAKER_13:Chauncey.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, he... Chauncey. We get more of Chauncey later, don't we? Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
SPEAKER_13:Albeit in a different form. Yeah, it's
SPEAKER_04:wild.
SPEAKER_13:It's also funny that the dog's name is Chauncey, because that's... That's like a black name to me. Maybe it's just because Chauncey Billups played on the Pistons. That could be.
SPEAKER_03:Really, Chauncey to me sounds like a rich person's name. Like a butler. Maybe it's
SPEAKER_13:just because Chauncey Billups played on the
SPEAKER_04:Pistons. That's the only other Chauncey I knew. That's the only other Chauncey I've ever known. I
SPEAKER_03:don't know any Chaunceys. Straight from the dome. Well, there you go.
SPEAKER_13:That's why you might not have that association. Then we have the dog funeral. I love this. The dog is taxidermied now, but it's not normal taxidermied. It's taxidermied with its mouth open in prowl attack mode. The fat boys mock Winston behind his back, which is hilarious. Because they're laughing at him, and he turns and looks, and they pretend to be crying. And then they laugh and do that thing behind his back, which is awesome. I love it. Then we see them pour out all of Mr. Denison's pills to use for poker chips, which is maybe not the best plan in the world.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. They count them by like different
SPEAKER_13:colors.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Like the colors are certain amounts. Like this is$10 and this is$5.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. So they're all excited to do this poker game. I love this fade because they're starting the game and they all get like equal chips. And then we fade to them looking pissed because Buff has all the pills now because he's kicking their asses. I don't know. I just love that fade.
SPEAKER_04:It's good. Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_13:And then he wins another hand and scoops in all the loot and goes, Big Daddy done did it again. That's a good line. That's a great line. Yeah,
SPEAKER_04:man. I wish I could call myself that again.
SPEAKER_13:Big Daddy.
SPEAKER_03:Why can't you? There's
SPEAKER_13:nothing stopping you. Yeah. You should get... plus-sized t-shirts with Big Daddy rhinestone across the chest and matching caps.
SPEAKER_04:Here's the thing, though.
SPEAKER_13:With Big Daddy rhinestone
SPEAKER_04:across the brim. I wasn't calling myself Big Daddy. I was getting called Big Daddy. So that would require you guys around me, and that's not going to happen. Dustin Big Daddy Whirly? No, I don't know. Big Daddy? No. It has too much of a porn style name, and I am not a porn star in the least
SPEAKER_13:man you can't go by big papa because that's kind of taken
SPEAKER_04:yeah i got called that for a little while by somebody too for a little while big man Big man's not one I've had yet.
SPEAKER_13:Well, that's because that's what you get in the gym when you're getting big like me. You know what? Thinking back. Other gym guys call each other big man.
SPEAKER_04:People have called me big man before.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:People, not regularly, but I haven't been called it before.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. You get that in the gym sometimes. Do
SPEAKER_03:you call a woman, call a big woman?
SPEAKER_13:No, no. You ignore the fact that women are in the gym. Yeah. You don't want to come off as creepy.
SPEAKER_04:No, you don't want to look. in their direction. If they got weights falling on them, you just got to go about your day.
SPEAKER_13:Then you save their lives. If
SPEAKER_04:they're
SPEAKER_13:actually dying.
UNKNOWN:No, I know. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_13:I
SPEAKER_03:got the point,
SPEAKER_13:though. Ironically, the gym I go to is down the street. Because of the area, there's a lot of black people that go there. Black men, for some reason, love my tattoos. They're always giving me compliments and stuff. Fuck yeah, dude. That's awesome. No, women come up and are like, oh, those are sick. It's always like big ripped black dudes. He's like, oh, that's sick, son. Yeah, man. Well, at least somebody appreciates
SPEAKER_03:it. Exactly, man. Very like, bro. I like that. Yeah. Dudes being cool dudes.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, man. Adam knows what to get. That's right. So then the butler knocks on the door. Oh, this is in my notes right here. We might as well mention the coonskin cap that Marky wears for some reason. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, yeah. I don't really understand this. Me neither. I mean, it was 87. Maybe the Davy Crockett thing was coming back in the lexicon.
SPEAKER_04:Could be.
SPEAKER_13:I had a coonskin cap when I was a child that I bought in the Smoky Mountains. Did you really? My family is from Kentucky. Oh,
SPEAKER_03:my God.
SPEAKER_04:I've never had one.
SPEAKER_03:No, I just saw a coot camp when I went to around the Kentucky area. They still sell them. Yeah,
SPEAKER_13:they still sell them, but I think normally children buy them and wear them.
SPEAKER_03:I was going to buy one. I was very tempted. It was$10. Well,
SPEAKER_13:on you, that would be quirky and chic on a grown man. I don't
SPEAKER_03:know. It's just kind of weird. I guess that's true. I don't think I would even wear it out.
SPEAKER_04:Me in a coon skin cap would look like I still... attend the adult Boy Scout, whatever you do.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely. Why don't we make it happen? We'll bring it back.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, I don't know that we have the clout to be trendsetters.
SPEAKER_09:We can try. We can give
SPEAKER_03:it a go. I don't know. We can try. We're
SPEAKER_13:going to roll into the gym with one on. I think the reaction would be less receptive.
SPEAKER_03:We'll put it in our merch shop.
SPEAKER_13:There you go.
SPEAKER_04:You know what, though? I... I feel like walking in with that on your head into the gym you're talking about, I feel like people would have this feeling where they're like... Is this inappropriate for him to be wearing hair or not? I feel... If you wear it with confidence. It's
SPEAKER_03:not. If you wear
SPEAKER_13:it with confidence. But... Well, I think that sends one of two messages. If I rolled in with a coonskin cap into the gym. A, I'm a literal crazy person. Which is probably going to not make people too receptive to
SPEAKER_10:me.
SPEAKER_13:Or B... I hold certain social views that maybe not everybody in the gym would be cool with.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, for sure. Yep.
SPEAKER_13:Okay. So I'm going to not do that. Yeah, no, that's fair. Probably for the best. Also, that would make you sweat like a motherfucker trying to work out in that.
SPEAKER_04:You could take the tail though and wipe your brow. Oh,
SPEAKER_13:Jesus Christ. Wow. Simply wow. Oh
SPEAKER_10:my God.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, they don't want the butler to see that they're playing poker with the medicine. So they bag it all up in a garbage bag. And then Buff lets the butler in. I've always loved this line. Because Buff is like, my man. And the butler says, and I quote, I am also very nice for you. I don't know. I've always loved
SPEAKER_04:it. It's a good line.
SPEAKER_13:I've always loved it. Yeah. Uh, Marky walks down with the bags cause he's got a bag of actual garbage for some reason that he's gone downstairs. I don't know what this is, but whatever. It's fine. He taunts the now stuffed Chauncey with the, with the chance to take a bite out of his ass. Yeah. Which is funny.
SPEAKER_04:Since this had Three Stooges-style stuff going on, I was expecting him to slip and him fall onto the open dog's mouth. I did, too. And still get his ass bit.
SPEAKER_13:No, that's later. I mean, he doesn't get his ass bit, but he does trip over the open dog's mouth. Yeah, yeah,
SPEAKER_04:yeah. Close. Close, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And then he hits on Carla. So what happens is he goes down to the kitchen and he's getting the pizzas because they're having like seven pizzas delivered for the three of them.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Again. And
SPEAKER_03:a bunch of packs of pop.
SPEAKER_13:Yep. Coca-Cola. Diet Coke, too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Soda, Coke, whatever. Pop. I can't remember what we call it here. I don't drink it. I don't drink pop anymore. Well, we call
SPEAKER_03:it pop. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. We call it pop. Yeah. I just haven't, I don't, I haven't drank pop in like 20 years. Uh, yeah. I'm not regularly. Anyway,
SPEAKER_03:he drinks his whiskey neat.
SPEAKER_13:That's right. Uh, then on the rocks. So,
SPEAKER_03:um, you're right. It's not neat.
SPEAKER_13:Either. So, uh, What happens is he puts the bags on the counter and Carla's going to throw them away. And I guess he doesn't notice because he's carrying seven pizzas and two six-packs of pop. But whatever. I've got a soundbite for this entitled Sprouts.
SPEAKER_05:Hey, Carla. I got the brightest idea. Why don't me and you go to my room and do
SPEAKER_10:the wild thing? Bam, bam,
SPEAKER_00:bam, bam, bam. No way. Look, look. I'm serious, Tiff. Why me and you go to a movie or
SPEAKER_02:something? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, why is the music actually
SPEAKER_02:really good? You want to
SPEAKER_10:go out with me? No,
SPEAKER_02:no, no. You got to eat lots of this instead of that and get rid of all that blubber and tons of that fat.
SPEAKER_05:Sprouts. It's
SPEAKER_13:supposed to keep squirts in the cupboard?
SPEAKER_04:I
SPEAKER_05:don't think so. Buff is my favorite one. That
SPEAKER_13:guy's hilarious.
SPEAKER_05:What's that, man? It's good for you. Helps you get sex. Still hungry, man. Still hungry? Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:He grabs a leaf off the indoor plant.
SPEAKER_05:Get out of here, man. You said you were hungry. Uh-oh,
SPEAKER_13:the music's going off. That means it's time for pills. So they freak out because they have no pills. And Marky goes down and finds that the pills have all been destroyed in the garbage compactor thing. I'm assuming that's what happened because if she just threw them in the garbage, they'd be...
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, no, I was thinking the same thing. Did she smack it around? No, this is
SPEAKER_13:another rich people thing. They don't just have garbage cans. They have garbage compactors. So when you put it in, it smushes it.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:That makes the most sense.
SPEAKER_04:Because when he does open it up, there are a bunch of crushed pills all in there. Yeah, it's definitely a compactor.
SPEAKER_13:They couldn't just use a scooper and scoop up some of the pill dust? Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Give them a little cocktail?
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, so he sees that the pills have been destroyed. So he goes upstairs and he goes, yo, Buff, remember when your Uncle Lou was real sick? He was taking all his pills to make him better. He had one big blue pill for his heart. That gave him indigestion. One red pill for his indigestion. That gave him high blood pressure. One big horse pill for his blood that made him fart, which is a wild thing to throw in at the end of that. Yeah. He goes, then he stopped taking all those pills and he started feeling better. And then he reveals that Carla has thrown the pills out and they argue because Mr. Dennison is going to die without the medication, presumably.
SPEAKER_04:Yes.
SPEAKER_13:Mr. Dennison comes rolling in and asks about his pills and they lie and say the doctor changed the prescription and he should lay off his pills till tomorrow. And then Marky holds their mouths so they can't say anything. And Mr. Dennison says... Will you guys please stop illing? Somebody's going to get hurt.
SPEAKER_04:I liked when he used illing. It worked.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, it works. Like I said, this wasn't cringe yet.
SPEAKER_04:No. And honestly, it's not really cringe in the movie when I'm watching it.
SPEAKER_13:No, it's not cringe here at all. Like I said, they just kind of pepper it in here and there. It's not like they're teaching him how to be cool. It's just like he's adopted some of their slang.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and they're not forcing it on you. And
SPEAKER_13:they're not giving them cornrows or anything.
SPEAKER_04:I feel like the one IMDB user had put in there that he did not like the slang and stuff because he didn't want to just look like he hated just them being fat.
SPEAKER_13:Well, I'm going to hunt that motherfucker down.
SPEAKER_04:I got his info. All right. I do not. I wish I
SPEAKER_13:did.
SPEAKER_03:I said I'd invite him to the show. We're getting a deep argument about this. Oh, man.
SPEAKER_13:So he wheels back into his room, because this is the antechamber, as we've already established. And then this is where Marky ducks their slaps, and they slap each other. Buff and Cool slap each other when they go to slap Mark, because he ducks. Yep. And they hit each other, Three Stooges style. Yeah, man, I loved it. It's pretty good. And then they get all serious, because this could have serious ramifications.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Then they're at his bedside, and he is unconscious, and they slap Marky a couple times. I love every slap in the movie has an overstated slap sound
SPEAKER_04:effect. Yeah, 100%. And you can tell in the sounds now that that's what's going on. I honestly didn't notice it when the movie was going on, but I really did notice it in the
SPEAKER_03:sound effects. Really? I listened to it with headphones. Oh, okay. I heard all those little... But, like, it's Three Stooges stuff.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, I mean, they did that in the Three Stooges, too. I mean,
SPEAKER_03:it's...
SPEAKER_13:It's good. Yeah, but it... I don't know. It lends an air of, like, comedicness that is both silly and deeply enjoyable at the same
SPEAKER_04:time. Yeah, 100% it is.
SPEAKER_13:I don't know if it'd be as funny without... Because it's almost like the movie's self-aware. It's like, yeah, we know. It's dumb and silly. Yep.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:That's what we're here for.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Which is why... You know, I think a lot of the reviews on this movie were really good because people understood that about this movie. Yeah. Anyway.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, it knows what it is. Yeah. Then they check his vitals. I'm not sure they know what they're doing because they have, like, the reflex hammer that they're trying to check his reflexes with, which is not how that works. No. And I think they're trying to take his blood pressure, but I'm 100% sure they're not doing it
SPEAKER_04:right. No. I've not done it in a little while.
SPEAKER_13:We learned how to do it in high school. I don't know why. We learned how to do the old way with the stethoscope where you listen for
SPEAKER_04:the couple pulses.
SPEAKER_13:Wow. That's
SPEAKER_04:a hell of a thing to learn.
SPEAKER_13:I don't know why we learned that. It's like biology or something. I can't remember. So I have taken blood pressure before.
SPEAKER_04:More than I've done.
SPEAKER_03:My dad just has little digital blood pressure machine yeah oh yeah
SPEAKER_13:that's every everybody has that now i don't think
SPEAKER_03:and it's just cool now you don't need to know but it was cool that you knew it
SPEAKER_13:yeah yeah man new being the operative works if i had to do it again i'd be like i don't
SPEAKER_04:know what i'm doing i don't know how many to count
SPEAKER_13:we don't count you listen for the pulses
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_13:And then you record what the numbers are when the pulses come through. So you'll have a normal pulse, and then there's a double pulse or something. I can't fucking remember.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:It was kind of coming back to you,
SPEAKER_13:though. Yeah. I could probably figure it out again if I
SPEAKER_03:had to. Yeah, I
SPEAKER_13:think you could. Yeah. Pretty confident myself. I would fuck it up royally. Anyway, so they hit Marky again. I think he falls over this time. Cut to them comically snoring. And when I say comically snoring, I mean like the Looney Tunes.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:100%. This
SPEAKER_13:is also funny. Buff falls out of his chair and then wakes them up as dramatic music plays. This fucking cracks me up every time. And I'm going to play the whole soundbite. But when they see Mr. Denison sit up, and the one's like, he's having a spasm! Yeah. Just... I crack up every time. They're going to try and give him CPR at the end. It's not going to go well.
SPEAKER_05:Listen, Doc, it's a matter of life and death. Don't tell me that. Look, it's almost 12. He hasn't woke up yet, man. Damn, man. The pharmacy's out of the prescription, man. You killed him, but you're dead. I told you before I didn't do it, Carla did it.
UNKNOWN:Chill.
SPEAKER_05:What's all the noise
SPEAKER_09:in here?
SPEAKER_05:There's something wrong with Mr. Albert.
SPEAKER_09:Mr. Albert?
SPEAKER_01:Really?
SPEAKER_09:Yes, he hasn't woke up yet. His heart rate is low. His pulse is weak. Poor Albert. I had a premonition something terrible would happen today. We're going to call the hospital. Better tell him to send a chaplain. I can't, man. I can't tell
SPEAKER_05:him. Man, we'll get fired. We're going to lose this job anyway if he dies. You've got to tell him, Marky. Maybe the paramedics can bring some pills for him or something. You've got to tell him. You've got to. Come on, be a man, man, not a girl. Come on, man. Go ahead. Chapel of the Pines Funeral Home.
SPEAKER_08:Mr.
SPEAKER_00:Lowry.
SPEAKER_08:Yes? Just a moment. May I speak to Mr. Thornton, please? Bill, this is Winslow Lowry. Mr. Lowry. Just a moment. I'm afraid it's time.
SPEAKER_09:Yeah. He's having a spasm!
UNKNOWN:A spasm!
SPEAKER_05:Stop it, man! Hurry up! We gotta stop it, man! Help him, man! C.P.R.! C.P.R.! One, two, three, four, five. Move, man. Mouth to mouth. Mouth
SPEAKER_09:to mouth.
UNKNOWN:Whoa!
SPEAKER_09:so i don't
SPEAKER_13:know why the spasm line tickles me so hard it's like he's having a spasm and then the guy's like spasm it's good he's just sitting up in bed he's having a spasm
SPEAKER_04:I love it. You know what, though? They do good at amping up the moment. A lot of times it can get annoying, but they do a good job of amping it up.
SPEAKER_13:When Buff pushes his way and he keeps saying mouth-to-mouth, and then that first-person shot from Mr. Denison's point of view of him...
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Falling
SPEAKER_04:over toward him out of the gate. Oh, my God.
SPEAKER_13:And then Denison getting up and pushing them off, and he does the CPR thing on Cool, because he's like, how do you like it? Which leads us into another hilarious comedy beat, because the very next scene we see is the doctor bedside, but our vision is obscured, so we don't see who's in the bed. And he says... He says... He looks surprisingly good, considering the blows that he suffered. And then whoever's in camera frame moves out of frame, and we see Kool lying there, because we expect it to be Denison in bed.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:I don't know. I think that's hilarious.
SPEAKER_04:It is. It's a good switch up.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Yeah, man. And it's unexpected, honestly. No,
SPEAKER_04:it is. And they kind of do a good job with... Again, this is kind of attributed to the editing, right? Yeah. They do a good job kind of with some of the reversal on the gags.
SPEAKER_13:Then the doctor explains that Denison was overmedicated before he's walking back with Winslow. And he goes, those boys really lucked into something when they lost his medication. And Winslow's like, what? He's like, they lost his pills. I overheard them talking. They bungled their way into a breakthrough in Albert's treatment. Isn't it amazing how luck can play a role in a person's recovery? He'll be back on the golf course in no time at all.
UNKNOWN:It's great.
SPEAKER_13:And the doc leaves and Winston looks back at them playhousing with each other with a look that I can only describe as contempt. Yeah. Contemptuous.
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_13:He's not a happy camper at the moment. No, not at all. He was really working on that three-week timeline.
SPEAKER_03:Well, now he starts getting up and walking with them, so he had a reason to be a little... Oh,
SPEAKER_13:yeah, I'm not saying he doesn't have a reason to be upset, but his plan has spectacularly backfired. As
SPEAKER_04:it
SPEAKER_03:should. I mean, I'm not saying it was a good plan, but sorry.
SPEAKER_04:He owes$640,000 to a very dangerous individual, so that's part of the look that I got, too.
SPEAKER_13:A comically dangerous individual.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's fair.
SPEAKER_03:With a big cigar.
SPEAKER_13:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:He...
SPEAKER_04:Okay, I argue he's not. He sent men that used a grappling hook, for Christ's sakes.
SPEAKER_13:Okay, we're going to have to talk about the grappling
SPEAKER_04:hook when we get there. Yeah. Because that
SPEAKER_13:is the most ridiculous thing in the movie. Yeah. Because they just go through the tunnel to meet Miguel. They could have just walked up the... Anyway, we'll
SPEAKER_04:get there when we get there. I know, it's weird.
SPEAKER_13:Cut to them walking to play polo. The boys have their... own custom-made polo outfits now mr dennison tells them about all the adventures he's going to take them on and then he tries to teach them to play polo in a predictably comic scene even though it's predictable i still laugh it's funny because markie falls off off his horse and they just laugh at him cool gets on the horse and it neighs and goes in circles and he falls and And then Buff... I can't remember his line. He looks at his horse and he's like, it's you and me now. Yep. And the horse looks at him and then apparently lays down and dies. Yep.
SPEAKER_04:He wasn't about to...
SPEAKER_13:Man. I think they filmed this in reverse. They probably had the horse laying there to begin with and then they filmed it standing up.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And then they just reversed it because it has this weird... sped up feel to it. It does.
SPEAKER_03:Was this the scene that the review was talking about where the horse died? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, honestly, I feel like that's a lot of meat to ask that horse to carry around.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_04:I get it. I would have faked my own death too.
SPEAKER_13:Or just actually died.
SPEAKER_04:Or just actually died,
SPEAKER_13:yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Do you think the horse actually died or faked its own death?
SPEAKER_13:I'm not sure what the implication is, to be honest. Okay, that's fair.
SPEAKER_03:It's a beautiful example of years interpretation.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Yes. So then we have a montage of them jogging. So this is the workout montage because Mr. Denison is now miraculously recovered after a day of being off his medication. Yep. So he was almost an invalid before, and now he is actively bodybuilding and jogging.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah,
SPEAKER_13:so that's cool. But it's comedic. They try and jog with him, and the fat boys fall to the ground. We see Winston just sort of slinking out from behind a statue for whatever reason. He's trying to be sneaky.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Uh, then we see Denison doing weights. Um, seems like he might be trying to lift too much, but I mean, he gets it up. So whatever.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, man. Well, it looked like, you know what? He's been aching to get into the gym.
SPEAKER_13:Apparently. I
SPEAKER_04:feel like he really hit the gym when he was younger. Even.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Uh, Marky runs on the treadmill with Carla, uh, This is a weird scene because their treadmills are like facing each other. And then we camera pan down to her boobs bouncing. Yeah. As boob bouncing sound effects come in.
SPEAKER_03:This is the part I was excited to talk about. Boing, boing, boing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It was dynamic filmmaking, I guess, is the way I would describe
SPEAKER_03:it. Dynamic is a good word. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, they're not really that big either. No. They're nice, but I mean, it's not like they're... aggressively bouncing to and fro. I mean, they're, they're bouncing, but
SPEAKER_03:I have, they're definitely bouncing.
SPEAKER_13:Well, trust me. I've analyzed the scene many times. I know they were bouncing. I'm just saying, I
SPEAKER_03:feel like it's
SPEAKER_13:not like it's not necessarily comedic bouncing.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. You're the expert here.
SPEAKER_13:Well, yes, clearly.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. But Dustin,
SPEAKER_04:sorry. I, I feel like more than even the size of, Like, I feel like it is more who they're attached to. You know, I feel like with certain people, I would hear a boingy sound.
SPEAKER_13:I'm just saying it's like the boing, boing, boing, and then he laughs. I'm like. This isn't really funny. It might make me hard while I was jogging in front of her. I don't know why he's laughing about it, but whatever.
SPEAKER_03:I actually thought it was hilarious. It was so silly. Well,
SPEAKER_13:if you add the boinging sound in it, it makes it funny.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it was just a silly little moment. I believe he
SPEAKER_04:was hearing the boinging sound in his head.
SPEAKER_13:Okay, I'll
SPEAKER_03:give that
SPEAKER_13:to you. That's fine.
SPEAKER_04:Because you heard the boingy sound and you laughed. I feel like he was enjoying the laughter
SPEAKER_13:more. That's fine. I'm just saying, were I the one jogging across from her, I wouldn't be hearing boingy sounds in my head. I would be trying not to get hard while jogging. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Accidentally turn the treadmill off while you're running.
SPEAKER_13:Yes. It's because of the emergency pull thing. If your dong gets tied up in the string, it
SPEAKER_04:can pull right
SPEAKER_13:out. Yep, that's right.
SPEAKER_03:Thank God for that mechanism.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, we have more workout shots. Buff and Cool join Mr. Dennis in the pool. And so Cool is dressed in full scuba diving gear. Yep. And Buff has an inner tube around his waist and floaties on his arm, if I remember the scene correctly. Yep. So
SPEAKER_04:that's fun. Yeah, it's a good look. I, uh, one time tried to jump, there was a pool, like a, a, you know, a floaty with a hole in the middle. And I tried to jump into one like that. And honestly, like I got up to my waist and then all of a sudden I went forward. You get
SPEAKER_13:top heavy, like it almost kills you. Yeah, exactly. A
SPEAKER_04:hundred percent. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's dangerous. Yeah. And luckily it was, I never swim alone.
SPEAKER_13:That's probably a good policy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I can't think of an opportunity where I would have the opportunity to swim alone. I'd have to drive to, like, a public swimming pool by myself. That's when I
SPEAKER_13:was a kid. We had a pool. I'm sure I swam alone at points.
SPEAKER_03:I did, too. My family had a backyard pool, but not underground, like one of those, like.
SPEAKER_13:No, we weren't. Come
SPEAKER_03:on. We had those inflatable, those big inflatable
SPEAKER_13:ones. I live in Warren, Michigan. We had an above ground pool,
SPEAKER_03:definitely.
UNKNOWN:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:I remember the pools I remember. I did swim.
SPEAKER_04:The pools I remember swimming alone in actually are those plastic pools.
SPEAKER_03:Like the kiddie pools? Yeah, it was a
SPEAKER_04:long time ago when I was a child.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, I don't think I have memories that far back.
SPEAKER_04:We didn't always get hot water in there either or warm water. It's colder than shit sometimes. I hated it.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, yeah, that's what happens sometimes. Those were so small, though, if you left them out in the summer. The water
SPEAKER_10:almost became like bath water when you got in.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, let's see. Where were we? Oh, yeah. And then at the end of the montage, Mr. Denison takes them into his vault that is shockingly full of just straight up gold bars.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, dude. I
SPEAKER_13:don't know where you get... I don't know who... fills their portfolio with gold bars like this, but I mean, there are bags, there are comically like bags of cash, criminal bags of money,
SPEAKER_04:criminal bags of cash. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Like, like, like the kind of bags of cash you would see a cartoon robber pull
SPEAKER_04:out of a bank. It is.
SPEAKER_13:It is. Wow. I also don't know why the safe is in the pool house, but that's fine. That's the last place I'd
SPEAKER_03:look. Actually, that's a good point.
SPEAKER_13:Also fine. Maybe that's the only real estate because it's not like a wall safe. It is a walk-in vault. Yeah, it has a vault door. Like the kind they opened in Die Hard.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, exactly. Yes, exactly. I will say, too, it kind of gave me... People under the stairs loot vibes. Almost, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Stop talking about that movie. Okay. I haven't watched it.
SPEAKER_04:I'm sorry. We got to get you on a
SPEAKER_03:gift train there with it. Was that supposed to be our next movie night movie?
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:All right. Maybe we do it tonight. I mean, I'm down. I
SPEAKER_04:ain't got shit going on tomorrow. I'm off.
SPEAKER_13:Down like a clam chili, baby. Baby. Down like a clam chili, baby.
SPEAKER_04:Baby. You know, South Park's streaming in like four different places at once right now.
SPEAKER_13:I only know about it on Max. Well, they had the movies that they did on Paramount Plus, I think. But the actual show is streaming on Max.
SPEAKER_04:And Pluto has a channel for it,
SPEAKER_13:actually, too? Well, on Max, it's uncensored.
SPEAKER_04:Ooh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:So there you go. It plays in Canada uncensored. When I was working in Canada, I was watching South Park. And I was, they were like saying fucking shit. And I'm like, yeah, I was like, wait a minute. What?
SPEAKER_03:I didn't know that their ratings were different than ours. Like they can just swear on their TV. They can say swears. I mean, no, that's cool.
SPEAKER_13:They can do the swears. Yeah. Because they don't have a strictly puritanical background like we do in the US. Yeah. American Jesus. Jesus was the greatest. Jesus was the greatest American ever
SPEAKER_10:lived. Did you guys know that?
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, he gives them each$10,000 treasury bonds. And then Winslow and his manservant fall off the roof comically because that's a lot of money to just give someone. Although it pales in comparison to the solid gold bars that are in there. And that wouldn't do anything to cut into his$640,000 debt. But anyway.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Then, I think, yeah, we cut to night, and Winslow explains to Miguel that he's going to kill Denison tonight and make it look like the orderlies did it. Cut to the fat boys going into a room they apparently haven't been in yet. They find a display case full of guns, including machine guns.
SPEAKER_09:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Rich people shit.
SPEAKER_13:Rich people shit is right.
SPEAKER_03:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_13:and it even more rich people shit here because they go to touch the guns and then the gun display goes up to reveal an entertainment center of TVs and stereos behind this built into the wall, which I mean, I know these are CRT TVs and they're like, I don't know, 24 inch tops. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:That was a big deal though.
SPEAKER_13:That was a big deal in 87. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that scene in a, You've probably never seen Goodfellas, have you? Anyway, there's a scene in Goodfellas where Ray Liotta's making all this money and he's showing off this new house that he has built or whatever and he hits a button and this wall opens to his entertainment center and the TV is so comically small. Looking at it today, it's like... It's like, I know when this came out, that was super impressive, but it is absolutely hilarious watching that now.
UNKNOWN:No, I love that.
SPEAKER_04:You know, Goodfellas is one of those movies that I used to take home with the set of movies I would rent, but it was always last on the list to watch for me.
SPEAKER_13:Maybe we'll do it on the ultraviolence, but it's a really dialogue heavy movie. I don't know if it'll translate.
SPEAKER_04:We're going to match it with the Godfather series.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, Jesus. I'm not doing the Godfather series. Okay, that's fair. I mean, I love them, but they're like three and
SPEAKER_04:a half hour movies. I know. We'd have five, six hour podcasts
SPEAKER_13:on each. Those are movies that you can do a whole podcast series on. That's like the one episode thing. That's fair. Anyway, so then they find a camera to make their music video. And I love this. I love this song. I love this whole sequence. I've got a sound bite for it. I don't have the whole song because that'd be gratuitous. Yeah. I do question how they got the beats that make the song because they have a whole accompanying tracks of the song that they're doing. And even them watching the video back. They have music behind it, but there is no music. They're just like, let's make a video. Let's make a video. And then they start rapping at a camera. Yeah. But somehow music comes in. Yeah, man. Whatever. It's fine. This is entitled Baby, You're a Rich Man. I don't know what that means. I mean, I know what it means, but I don't know why that's the hook to the song. But anyway.
SPEAKER_03:It's an interesting scene. I watched this movie twice. No, go
SPEAKER_13:ahead. Well, enjoy the soundbite. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
SPEAKER_11:I
SPEAKER_10:said how does it feel?
SPEAKER_11:Baby you're a rich man Oh,
SPEAKER_05:yeah.
SPEAKER_11:A billion, a zillion, now! So much money, you can set it on fire! A caviar! A
SPEAKER_09:caviar!
SPEAKER_05:won't get
SPEAKER_11:greedy
SPEAKER_09:donate half of it
SPEAKER_13:Alright, that's a straight banger. I'm sorry. I fucking love it.
SPEAKER_03:Who is Baby and why is he a rich man?
SPEAKER_13:I don't understand what the song is actually trying to convey. No, I
SPEAKER_04:don't either. I
SPEAKER_13:think they're all Baby and they're all rich men because they're talking about how they would use their money as rich men. I don't know. I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, maybe it's just all like platonic nice stuff like Baby... You got it. I don't know.
SPEAKER_13:See, what you don't know, because you probably don't spend a lot of time in the urban community, but black men will call each other baby. All right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:I'm on a bowling league. There's a black guy that I bowl with who every time... He sees me, will dap me up, and go, what's up, baby? I
SPEAKER_03:like that. Yeah. See, that's my fault.
SPEAKER_13:Well, yeah, it is. You should try and be more cultured, Darla. I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. I
SPEAKER_03:don't leave my house. I come here and do the podcast. I don't go anywhere.
SPEAKER_13:Well, that's part of the problem. Well... I'm not saying fix it. I
SPEAKER_03:like being a shoddy.
SPEAKER_04:That's part of the reason we invited you out of this podcast. That was... See...
SPEAKER_03:It's like I'm in like... I live in a lab somewhere. I've been untouched by society.
SPEAKER_13:The last ultraviolence we did... It was one of the last ones where Dustin was talking about how he used to be squeamish with violent shit, and now you've come to embrace the art behind it. And I was like, well, that's why I started the podcast, so we're done. I mean, I mission
SPEAKER_12:accomplished.
SPEAKER_13:So now we have a new mission. Get Darla out of the house once every two weeks. Exactly. And
SPEAKER_04:we
SPEAKER_13:can keep going for a while. That's right.
SPEAKER_03:That taught me not to hiss at people on the
SPEAKER_13:street. No, you should still do that, absolutely. People deserve most of them yeah um so that goes on for the whole song like they do a full this is like a four minute like they basically do a music video in the middle of the movie
SPEAKER_04:that's exactly what it was and honestly i kind of liked it it it freshened up the moment I wasn't stuck in the movie through the whole thing. It
SPEAKER_03:wasn't like Mac and Me where we had a whole McDonald's dancing scene. Oh,
SPEAKER_13:my God. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You don't have a bar to compare it to?
SPEAKER_13:That McDonald's dance montage is the worst thing I've ever
SPEAKER_03:seen in my life. So this is very peaceful and understandable.
SPEAKER_13:Well, also, this movie is made in the context that they are a rap group. starring in a movie. So the idea that there would be a random music video in the middle of it is not the most outlandish thing. You almost would...
SPEAKER_03:Not very far-fetched. It's understandable.
SPEAKER_13:You would almost be upset if there wasn't.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And they didn't do it the whole time. It wasn't like a whole...
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And the song's awesome. Their music videos, it was just...
SPEAKER_04:Do you think that they put it in there to appease Fat Boys fans? Absolutely, I do. Okay. I think so,
SPEAKER_03:too. Or was it to get their music out there in that one moment?
SPEAKER_13:That, too. Well, that song's not, to my knowledge, on any of their albums, so I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you never know. Sometimes
SPEAKER_13:you should. I specifically tried to find the soundtrack on iTunes. It's not there. You can get it on Amazon on vinyl. Okay. So there's that. Yeah. I found a Sketch website that sells it on CD, so maybe I'll... Roll the dice. Put my credit card info in there.
SPEAKER_04:You need... You, yourself, I believe, need like an extra card you put money on.
SPEAKER_13:Well, I could just PayPal it. Well, that website might not take PayPal. Yeah, I thought about getting some loaded Visa gift cards just so I can buy shit off of shady sites and not use my actual credit card number. That's
SPEAKER_03:a good idea.
SPEAKER_13:That is a good idea. I won't talk about why I had that thought anyway so
SPEAKER_03:well now we want
SPEAKER_13:to know you don't need to know oh man i wasn't investigating poppers at all um so that goes on for a whole song buff pretends to do a guitar solo on a sword that he finds uh with a suit of armor that is randomly in this uh office yeah
SPEAKER_03:rich people shit
SPEAKER_13:rich people shit indeed cool dances all over the desk uh all over what looks like important financial papers yeah And then he kicks a computer monitor over on accident, causing a power outage to the whole house, which is not how power works. But that's
SPEAKER_03:fine. That computer is really powerful. It was actually. It's actually powering the house. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_13:It's a computer generator. They had those in the 80s. It's rich people shit. You don't know about it, Darla. Don't even worry.
SPEAKER_04:Sorry. Honestly, I didn't see anything wrong with it because I don't know anything about electricity, but. I'm glad you educated me today.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, that could potentially blow a fuse. Okay. If you short something out, but that's not going to do like the whole house. I mean, that house is enormous. Yeah. It's got more than one fuse circuit.
SPEAKER_03:Actually, it'd probably be more of a danger of ruining the computer. Oh,
SPEAKER_13:yeah. The computer's fucked.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:But he only had like$14 in there anyway, so it doesn't matter. That's true. Yeah. Winston comes into the room after they're gone. He's carrying a candelabra with lit candles on it, which is the most rich person thing I've ever seen in my life.
SPEAKER_04:100%.
SPEAKER_13:He's not carrying one candle. He's carrying a candelabra with, I believe, three candles on it. It's not an impressive candelabra, but it is a candelabra.
SPEAKER_03:Still, that's some badass shit.
SPEAKER_04:How many things would you have on your candelabra?
SPEAKER_13:I feel like six. Okay. Because you'd have one in the middle and then two off to the side and then rotate that 90 degrees and have two more off to the side.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Yeah, four.
SPEAKER_04:Wait, so you'd have one at the top. Five, I'm sorry. Okay, cool. I was making sure I wasn't going crazy. The math didn't math. Yeah, no, that's okay.
SPEAKER_03:Can you just have like one on the top and then three?
SPEAKER_04:No, you know what you would have? You could do that. You could do one that goes up and then just spikes at the top with two out the top.
SPEAKER_13:No, that's ridiculous. Okay. Because the wax would fall down onto the floor. Okay. Because they'd be angled. God damn it. Swing and a miss. Swing and a miss. Sorry
SPEAKER_03:if I spit my drink on
SPEAKER_13:you. No, that's okay. I'm into that. Also, the repair guy is in the room with the computer and somehow turns the power back on in the whole house. He's like, yeah, you're fixed up. Then he mentions about fixing the computer or whatever. So whatever. That's fine. And then we see the video recorder come back on because the power went out when they were using it. Winston blows or Winslow blows out his candelabra and then makes a phone call to Luis and tells him he can have the money tomorrow, but he needs help with the plan. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. bringing that button back no for real
SPEAKER_04:i um honestly i love through this movie that everything this guy tries it just keeps going fucking sideways for him the whole because he's
SPEAKER_13:a buffoon
SPEAKER_04:yeah i just i love it man i love comedies like that yeah so good
SPEAKER_13:then we see buff and cool walking uh outside uh past the neighbor's house and they hear a pool party going on. Well, not really a pool party, just two women getting ready to get into the pool.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And they look through the brush and they see the girls stripping down. And I believe it's buff that says, God bless them. God bless them. Yep.
SPEAKER_04:Should have said, Hey, maybe we should get out of here there. I mean, yeah, this was a, I know, 87. This is 87. Yeah, no, for real.
SPEAKER_13:This movie probably has... I mean, this is not... It's not cool to just spy on naked people. No. But, I mean, this is maybe the least egregious thing that's
SPEAKER_04:happened in any of the movies we've done so far. You're right. No, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and what I will say is that any time that we have nude ladies skinny dipping... Even if they invited me over, I don't know that I would go full nude.
SPEAKER_13:Well, that's the difference between you and me, Dustin.
SPEAKER_03:Talk to no one, but you don't know what you're supposed to do.
SPEAKER_04:So you think I should just go for it if I do get called over to be nude with a couple ladies in a pool?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, if they invite you to be nude with them, just roll with it. Okay. Try to be brave and do that. You might disappoint more than one lady that night, but I mean, they asked for it, so. Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:I'm not going to give advice on that.
SPEAKER_04:I'm going to grab my waistband and be like, prepare to frown. Just tell them to go for it. Go for it.
SPEAKER_13:There you go. See, even Darla thinks you should go for it. Good deal.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. I got to start stalking her own pools. Ooh, don't do that. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_13:So we see Winslow confirm with Miguel that the staff has the night off, so the house is going to be abandoned. And then we see Marky cozying up with Carla and watching the video they made that is complete with backing tracks of music somehow. But she's into it. And it seems like they're finally going to make a little business. Yeah. You know why they're going to make a little business, Dustin? I'm not sure why. This might be Darla's first introduction to this. They might be able to make a little business because it's business. It's business time.
SPEAKER_04:Very well delivered. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I feel like if you show me the song that correlates to this, it's never going to top what you just
SPEAKER_13:did. Yeah. Possibly. That's from Flight of the Conchords sketch. I'll show it to you after we're done recording. Okay. But it is hilarious. But I put a little more stank on it than he does, just for comedic effect. I liked it. Then... A grappling hook pops over
SPEAKER_11:the back wall. So good.
SPEAKER_03:Now we're getting to the grappling
SPEAKER_13:hook. And hitman types climb up and... You get the idea that this wall is only like a couple feet high. And so they just tossed a grappling hook over and then... Because the way they climb over this wall, it does not look like they're actually pulling themselves strenuously over. It looks like they're just rising up from behind the wall and rolling over it. Like they were just kneeling behind the wall. Yeah. No, for real.
SPEAKER_03:Is that how grappling hooks work?
SPEAKER_13:You don't know how grappling hooks work?
SPEAKER_03:No, I don't. I was just hoping you would go into a deep explanation.
SPEAKER_13:It's a rope with a hook, and you throw it over whatever you want to climb, and then the hooks catch on the structure, and then you can climb the rope up to get over a wall or something.
SPEAKER_04:See, the reason a grappling hook makes no sense here is because the only reason you use a grappling hook is because you need to climb... Usually it's because it's something so high you need to climb the rope to get over it. These people launched a grappling hook onto something they literally jumped over.
SPEAKER_13:That's the way it looks. If you watch the guys go over the wall, it looks like this is just like a waist-high wall that they were kneeling behind, and then they pretended to scale a wall. by just like rising up slightly and rolling over it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It's bad. It's a bad acting, bad angling, bad
SPEAKER_13:grappling hooks are also like comedically like an eighties, nineties thing where like, I don't think anybody normally ever actually uses grappling hooks. Never. I mean, I'm not saying people never do. It was just a, it's like a trope. Yes. And also my third part is, point about the grappling hook so these guys climb over and then we see them walk down a tunnel to meet miguel who is standing there if all the staff is gone and they're gonna walk up to the house and go through a tunnel anyway yeah couldn't they just like walk up to the house? They
SPEAKER_04:could
SPEAKER_13:have. Like, why did they have to grappling hook over a wall?
SPEAKER_04:Here's what I believe. I wish we would have... be able to see. The fact that one of the goons decides to bring the grappling hook, and he's like, the other one's like, we don't need this grappling hook. He's like, we're going to use the grappling hook, okay? Doc Sainz style. Yeah, man, for real. Your
SPEAKER_13:stupid fucking rope. Well,
SPEAKER_03:I think I've actually seen that. Is that where a cat gets shot?
SPEAKER_04:Yes. So, I had ChachiBT perform a web search. Okay. How many grappling hooks are sold yearly, and what are they used for?
SPEAKER_13:I'm going to say 350. Comprehensive
SPEAKER_04:data on the annual sales of grappling hooks is not readily available. So
SPEAKER_13:I could be right. So you could be right. I'm just going to say that I am right. We're just making up facts these days anyway. I've totally
SPEAKER_04:nailed that one. It's true. You did.
SPEAKER_13:Tree
SPEAKER_04:climbing, canyoneering. You ever been in a canyon?
SPEAKER_13:i've been in a gorge does
SPEAKER_04:that count yeah kind of yeah okay so yeah anyway there's not honestly there's not really any use for grappling hooks even in the modern age
SPEAKER_13:no they they're they're always like framed as these tactical devices to use to like, uh, scale walls and shit. And I don't think anybody ever does that. No, but
SPEAKER_04:the only person that should be using a grappling hook ever is fucking Batman. Okay.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. And that's not even the same. That's like a rocket powered. It's like a pitong or something. Yeah. Not technically a grappling hook. I don't think anyway. So, uh, the, the bad guys go down the tunnel to meet Miguel and he goes, you guys are late. And they cock their guns and he goes, not that late. Which, okay, whatever, that's fine.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Back to the naked girls. I've got a soundbite here called Peeping Toms. Yep.
SPEAKER_03:Peeping Toms.
SPEAKER_13:Too skinny. Too skinny. They are. Yeah, really.
SPEAKER_09:See the bones and shit. They look like bicycles. Oh, bicycles. I want a woman who looks like a Cadillac. I
SPEAKER_05:know what you mean. Ooh, man, look at those jaws, I'm
SPEAKER_04:telling you. That's an L.A. face with an Oakland booty.
SPEAKER_00:Look at that butt. It's like a pancake. Help,
SPEAKER_09:there's TV talk!
UNKNOWN:What?
SPEAKER_09:So
SPEAKER_13:there is one part of this scene where a girl runs out of the pool and, you know, just hits out to camera, climbs up the water slide and goes down.
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_13:And then they fall off the wall for some reason. I don't know how they heard them because the music is up. And even if they heard them, they heard a commotion. I don't know how they know there's peeping Toms out there. But whatever, it's fine. This scene, incidentally, funnily enough, not part of my sexual awakening. No? Okay. I don't think. You didn't
SPEAKER_03:like that they looked like bicycles?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. When I was six, I preferred women that looked like Cadillacs. Absolutely. I will say, though, that once I became a little older, the pause button came into effect here. Oh, I can believe it. Even this might be because I think the VCR I had had a slow-mo setting. I
SPEAKER_04:still remember when I got my first VCR that had a slow-mo button function.
SPEAKER_13:Because sometimes if a scene only goes 10 seconds, it's not long enough. But if you can stretch that to 40 seconds.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. To get the frame by frame.
SPEAKER_13:Yes, exactly. Basically, yeah, man. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And I'm going to be honest, some scenes deserved to be seen in slow motion.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, like this one. It's pretty good.
SPEAKER_03:When you watched Howard the Duck call back to another episode.
SPEAKER_04:I did not watch that in slow motion.
SPEAKER_03:You got to see some
SPEAKER_04:duck titties. Yeah. Those weirded me out a little. Those were pretty weird. Just because they're furry. They're furry. That's
SPEAKER_03:very strange. Okay, so Adam and Dustin not confirmed furries. Like, cause listen,
SPEAKER_04:nipples on fur, like an animal doesn't like, I, it, I've been different, but like a pair of human breasts that have fur all on them.
SPEAKER_03:You don't want to do it for you.
SPEAKER_04:No, I don't even mind a little bit of hair or something. Like that's not a big deal. I mean, whatever. I can,
SPEAKER_03:I can power. If you're really at the head's hair on your chest. Yeah. We still like
SPEAKER_04:you. Email me specifically.
SPEAKER_13:I'm not saying I don't like you. We just have to spend a little time with the trimmers. That's fair. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Would you trim them up for them?
SPEAKER_13:Sure. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Understood. Make me to your liking.
SPEAKER_13:I'm just saying errant chest hairs are weird. Yeah, I get it. Miguel leads the hitman in and they go into Denison's room. He is sitting there listening to the Fat Boys on headphones. I think the song that he's listening to is the opening song. Okay. Can't remember exactly, but he is listening to the Fat Boys. That one. Yeah. The police roll up because they're super responsive in rich neighborhoods. It's almost like the police exist to protect capital and not people.
SPEAKER_04:Yep, 100% it is. And they're there to protect those titties. Well,
SPEAKER_13:yeah. White women titties.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_13:Rich white titties. That's right. Rich white titties. Not the poor whites that they call trash. Oh, those titties aren't as good. Yeah. They haven't been modified. Exactly.
SPEAKER_04:Yep. I know, man. anyway before we get too much into the by the way the uh capitalism in the police force
SPEAKER_13:before i forget about it i gotta go to all cast and crew because okay the girl on the slide yeah was son of a bitch
SPEAKER_04:gwyneth paltrow
SPEAKER_13:no it was uh julie k smith okay oh wait yeah she was in uh she was in playboy and penthouse
SPEAKER_04:yes
SPEAKER_13:yeah
SPEAKER_04:oh my god i love this woman i didn't know that was her yep
SPEAKER_13:wait
SPEAKER_03:who is she in the movie
SPEAKER_13:uh she's the girl that the naked girl that goes down the water slide oh
SPEAKER_01:okay
SPEAKER_13:so like i said she was in playboy and penthouse um she was a warrior day of the warrior she was in the last boy scout she was one of the dancers
SPEAKER_04:the dallas connection these are so dallas connection day of the warrior these are like i think they're in your box set or something they're a box set you have i think they are andy sedaris films
SPEAKER_13:oh yeah yeah no i i own every andy sedaris yeah dude yeah i don't know if i've watched those ones we
SPEAKER_04:put them out while you're here
SPEAKER_13:yeah
SPEAKER_04:The Malibu Express I think we watched.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, they're like the Skin and Max movies.
SPEAKER_03:I fall asleep pretty much after. She
SPEAKER_13:was in Angel 3, the final chapter. We did an episode on Angel back in the bit of the Ultraviolence. She was in Sorceress 2, The Temptress. She was in The Bear Wench Project. Nice.
SPEAKER_12:The
SPEAKER_13:Bear Wench Project. Also The Bear Wench Project 3, Nymphs of Mystery Mountain. She was in Barbarella's Cheerleader Massacre. Invasion of the Hottie Snatchers. Invasion of the Hottie Snatchers. Yeah, she did a lot of parody movies. The Witches of Breastwick. Yeah. Bear Winch, the final chapter. Cleavage Field. The Da Vinci Co-Ed. The Da Vinci Co-Ed. The Hills Have Thighs.
SPEAKER_03:Wait, the hills have thighs? Yes.
SPEAKER_04:Um, bare naked survivor again. Yeah. Dirty D dirty dead con men. Doesn't seem like a, a porn movie though. I
SPEAKER_13:don't know. That's 2018. She just played hot girl. Oh, okay. Decades after this movie. Yeah. So anyway, um,
SPEAKER_03:like she was a porn actress in this movie.
SPEAKER_13:No.
SPEAKER_04:And Day of the Warrior was more softcore-style stuff.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, I think these are all softcore movies. Even the Bear Wench projects, I think those were softcore parody films. Yeah, I think you're right. An adult film that spoofs the Blair Witch. Oh, maybe it wasn't softcore. Looks kind of softcore. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:As an expert of softcore.
SPEAKER_13:I own a lot of it. I'm weird
SPEAKER_03:that way. He's not. He's actually kind of classy with it. He gets his classic 60s porn DVDs.
SPEAKER_13:Well, 70s porn is more my thing.
SPEAKER_03:70s. That's probably what I was thinking of. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_13:So I do collect a lot of vintage adult movie stuff. Yeah. But I also... have a certain affinity for cheesy soft core stuff that i also collect dude
SPEAKER_03:it's also fun like he doesn't collect it in a weird way like it's just like the way he collects pipes yes i have a
SPEAKER_13:lot of pipes too
SPEAKER_03:it's a class there's a class
SPEAKER_13:it's it's almost uh it's it's almost a preservation of the art and
SPEAKER_03:yes you know what i equated brilliant
SPEAKER_04:people who have nude art hanging in their home I don't have any of those yet. No.
SPEAKER_03:You need to get art where, like, the clothes slide off from a mechanism.
SPEAKER_13:Oh, my God. I love the toy. I got to see our last episode.
SPEAKER_04:For Christmas one year, I got a gift from Jessica, and it was an 8x10 photo of the wolf man, but he is, like, posing, and there's a lady with her butt out, and he's, like, got his hand on her butt.
SPEAKER_03:It is great. I love
SPEAKER_04:it. And every... My... Leo, at one point, was like, is that a butt? I'm like, yeah. And then my niece recently was like, me and my sister were in my room, and she came in, and she was like, is that a butt? I'm like, get out of
SPEAKER_13:here. You realize you inadvertently created your nephew's sexual awakening, right? Oh, my God, I hope not.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That just made me
SPEAKER_13:feel... Is that a butt? Dude. That's what triggered it. He's an ass man for life.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, no! Anyway. There's nothing wrong with being an ass man. No, I know. And you know what's funny? It's just a drawn... It's not like an actual photo. It's like a drawn drawing. And the butt isn't even like a full butt,
SPEAKER_13:really. Dude, I masturbated to a lot of drawings
SPEAKER_04:back in the day. Oh, I know. I know, but it just...
SPEAKER_13:Certain comics? Huh. Oh, I know, yeah. Huh. I get it. Anyway. So... Well, just gloss over that. So Mr. Denison is listening to the fat boys on headphones. The police roll up and see buff and cool sneaking in and yell for them to come out, which is a comedy of errors because the hit men think the police are there for them. They have plenty of time to shoot. One of the hit men does not want to shoot, and the other one tries to get a shot off and comically misses by, I don't know, four feet. Oh, yeah. Dude,
SPEAKER_04:it's a bad shot.
SPEAKER_13:Mr. Dennison does not hear the gunshot, even though he is wearing, you know... the 80s headphones that barely blocked out anything. Oh, yeah, dude, 100%. Well. They had that, like, felt over it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. You can't just put velvet in the clone headphones.
SPEAKER_13:It wasn't even felt. It was like foam.
SPEAKER_04:No, there's no
SPEAKER_13:way. Darla, I don't know if you're aware of this. I don't know if you've been exposed to vintage headphones like the old Sony Discman headphones or Walkman headphones.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know. I had some from the 90s, and they were, like, gray, and they were square, and they had this foam thing. And it had almost like the same leather over it.
SPEAKER_13:No, no, no, no, no. So those are a step up from the vintage ones. The vintage ones were...
SPEAKER_03:It got worse? Those were horrible. It
SPEAKER_13:was way worse. So it was like a metal band that went over your head. And the metal you could slide because the headphone parts are plastic. So you could slide them up and down to adjust them. But the actual headphones were just like a flat piece of plastic speaker. And then they had... like a foam cover that went over it. Yep. And that's it. Those were, that was the headphone.
SPEAKER_03:So was it the plastic with like the, just the foam that could slide off of it?
SPEAKER_13:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Okay. I remember those.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. And those were God awful.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, they were.
SPEAKER_13:So if a gunshot went off next to you, you're definitely hearing it. Yeah. Maybe with your iPods.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:iPods?
SPEAKER_04:iPod Pro.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, iPods Pro, Max, whatever. With that sound-canceling shit, you might not hear it now. No, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Definitely not with Beats on.
SPEAKER_03:No.
SPEAKER_13:You mean Beats by Dre? Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:Now in our store. 20% off discount. Yeah,
SPEAKER_13:instead of$600, they're$540.
SPEAKER_03:You can do math. I can't.
SPEAKER_13:That was not the right... I don't even know what percentage you said. I just threw out numbers.
SPEAKER_03:I just figured it's right.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. So, Buff and Cool hit the deck because they think the cops are shooting at them, which for 87 is prescient. And then they run and hide. One cop goes... Back in the 80s, they were only beating black people. Yeah. It was the... It was 1990, wasn't it, Rodney King? 90, 91, somewhere around there? Because OJ was 94. 3, 94? That's just a couple years after. Yep. Yeah, back in the day, I mean, Rodney King was horrible, but it was like, yeah, they didn't shoot him.
SPEAKER_04:No. Yeah, really. What? I gotta say, like, Rodney... Fuck the police coming straight out the underground! No,
SPEAKER_13:like, honestly... I can't say the next verse because I'm not black.
SPEAKER_04:It's so, like, wild that... The N-word is in that. It took... It's so wild that it took something like that... It took some... It's wild that it took something like that to, like, finally get a national attention on nonsense that's going on, man.
SPEAKER_13:Well, I mean, uh... I don't think the beating necessarily got the national attention. It was more the riots that followed. Yeah. But, I mean, as they say, riots don't happen in a bubble. Yeah. Like, normally when a riot gets triggered, and that's what a lot of people don't understand, the mechanisms of rioting. They're like, they only look at the triggering event, and they're like, why are these people... Reacting like this is something seemingly so minor. And it's like, no, you don't understand. Like, that's the straw that broke the camel's back. Camel's back, yeah. Anytime there's a riot, it's always the straw that broke the camel's back. This is building a powder keg before then. Yeah, 100%. Whatever, this isn't the podcast where we get political. No, for
SPEAKER_03:real. Vandalism gets attention.
SPEAKER_13:That's right. That's true. Raise my fist and resist. Sleep though we stand in the midst of a war. So one cop goes upstairs, buff and cool, run upstairs as knockoff Beverly Hills cop music plays. That's just what I put in my notes. I don't know. There's some music here that feels like it's almost the... But it's like... The dollar store version of that? Yeah, for real. Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:it's
SPEAKER_13:Beverly Hills Cop. You might recognize it from the Family Guy episode where Peter goes back in time to save his relationship
SPEAKER_03:with Lois. I told you, I get my culture from Family Guy. But then keeps
SPEAKER_13:getting tripped up by... Going to the club with Cleveland. Yeah, Cleveland. That's my favorite thing. One of my favorite Family Guy scenes ever. Because he's got to go save his relationship with Lois. And Cleveland invites him out. And he's like, no, I can't. I got to go save Lois. And Cleveland goes, it's going to be fun. And Peter goes... It is. And then you see him at the club dancing. That's
SPEAKER_04:the part I love the best about that shit, man. Dude, something about Seth MacFarlane, that comedy is just next level
SPEAKER_13:with it. That's pretty awesome. Anyway, so we have shots of them trying to hide. The cops are closing in, and they accidentally find a painting that opens up to a secret passage. All right, look. I'm all for the secret passage thing. If the cover to it is so flimsy that accidentally bumping against a painting is going to reveal the secret passage.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Maybe do better. It's
SPEAKER_03:not very secret. Yeah. That's not rich people shit.
SPEAKER_13:No.
SPEAKER_03:That's crackhead shit where you're putting a Walmart decal on the door to where it can be knocked off at the shoulder. That's
SPEAKER_13:right. For real. What Darla said. I
SPEAKER_04:got to say, honestly, if I had a secret passage, this is about what mine would be. Hmm.
SPEAKER_13:Do we even want to know what this is going to be? I don't know. Where the secret passage is going to go to?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Or come from it. Just let him
SPEAKER_04:talk. Well, the secret passage. Okay. So it's going to go down into a very dark room.
SPEAKER_13:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:But the lighting that comes on in the room is determined by the person that comes in there.
SPEAKER_13:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:This is all done by facial recognition from an AI that I'm going to have on the wall.
SPEAKER_03:You have this planned out.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. And so what it's going to open up into is... a movie theater type thing where all i do is play all of the vintage porn dvds i took from adam when he didn't realize it
SPEAKER_03:teeny buns
SPEAKER_13:teeny buns is not my favorite i mean it's good it's okay i
SPEAKER_04:don't know how much how much of your vintage porn do you think i could sneak out of here before you realize it was gone
SPEAKER_13:I wouldn't realize any of it was gone until I went to look through my collection. It's all mixed in with my horror collection. Adam
SPEAKER_03:is usually just watching any silly movie. He's not actively just watching retro porn whenever I walk into his house. I give him credit for
SPEAKER_04:that.
SPEAKER_13:Typically, I know when you guys are coming over, so I'm like, I'll just have a horror movie on instead of vintage porn.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, but still. You do have some class to where you consider us.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, but I mean, my vintage porn is mixed in with my horror collection because I view them similarly.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:As art. Like nude
SPEAKER_03:art. Well, that's fair.
SPEAKER_13:Well, I mean, I view them on more of a primal level, like sex and violence are intimately linked. Anyway, I don't want to get philosophical here. That's going to be over your head anyway. You
SPEAKER_03:keep bringing up primal. This movie brings up a lot of primal.
SPEAKER_13:Well, it formed a lot of the wrinkles in my brain. The formative wrinkles, if you will. The formative wrinkles. So anyway, the cops are closing in. Like I said, they accidentally find a painting secret passage and it leads into the room where Marky and Carla are making out. Cool says the police are after them. I love this because he asked what for and... Cool's like, all we did was look at naked girls. And he's like, what? And Cool goes, naked girls! Yep. Like, that's supposed to clear up the situation. I don't know. Anyway, Buff and Cool try to hide under the couch, which is hilarious because... Two-thirds of their upper torso maybe fit under this couch. And the police come in with the detective we've seen earlier, and Marky denies knowing them, much like Peter denied Jesus in a cowardly move of betrayal.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. When did that happen?
SPEAKER_13:Oh, that's in the Bible.
SPEAKER_04:No, I know, but when in the Bible did it happen?
SPEAKER_13:Well, in all three Gospels. Okay. Wow. Because apparently...
SPEAKER_03:This is very Catholic born of you.
SPEAKER_13:I'm not Catholic. I grew up non-denominational, but...
SPEAKER_03:What? I thought you were Catholic.
SPEAKER_13:Christian of sorts. I'm nothing now, but...
SPEAKER_03:Well, no. We know you're a...
SPEAKER_13:A heathen, yeah. It's in all three...
SPEAKER_09:Straight to hell!
SPEAKER_13:It's in all three Gospels because the story of Jesus in the Bible had to be told three times because they couldn't just tell it once. Okay. Because it's... three accounts of three different people who the people that they're referenced to, you probably didn't actually write those, but it's hilarious that I grew up and the people in the church that I grew up in are like, no, the Bible is the inspired word of God. So all of it is literally true. And then you're like, okay, but the story of Jesus is told three times and they're all like kind of different.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:So which one is true? Not significantly different. Yeah. I mean, it's all the same basic story. But I mean, if God inspired the whole Bible, why did he need the story told three times?
SPEAKER_03:Because in people's eyes, you need the different perspectives of the different people to tell the different story.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, but you're not. The way the church people look at it is all of the Bible was like, it wasn't people writing it. It was God writing it through people.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah, I grew up Baptist.
SPEAKER_13:But if God is writing it through three people, wouldn't it be like the exact same thing? Because God is actually
SPEAKER_03:writing it. Because God is narrating it through them. Yeah. Yeah, no, I get that. I
SPEAKER_04:want to just say something. Yeah, go for it. I just don't want to make you mad. I don't care. Whatever. Okay. I feel like this can be explained by multiverse Jesus. Oh, no, I actually am mad.
SPEAKER_09:He's
SPEAKER_03:not
SPEAKER_09:the best car man in the league for nothing,
SPEAKER_13:folks. Dustin knows my feelings
SPEAKER_04:about the multiverse. Oh, my God, it is so... You
SPEAKER_03:don't believe in the multiverse?
SPEAKER_13:It's not that I don't believe in it. It's that once comic book movies go into multiverse territory, like, you kind of lose stakes.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:It's kind of like watching Rick and Morty and Rick is like, none of this matters because there are infinite realities. So like when you're watching a comic book movie, there are stakes because these are finite characters. But then when you're like, ah, there's infinite versions
SPEAKER_03:of this shit, it's like telling them. That's totally understandable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause there's no state. Yeah. Totally get it. Totally get it. Yeah. Anyway.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway. Um, so the cops bust in and that was a weird, uh, digression
SPEAKER_04:well because listen i while you were talking the term multiverse jesus fought into my head and i was like oh that's gonna make him so mad it's a good name actually oh yeah
SPEAKER_13:uh so the cops lead them away and a cop comes down and says he found a bullet hole in mr dennison's room and i've got another soundbite called two-timing snake because it's a longer one but Unnecessary
SPEAKER_08:one. Did you
SPEAKER_14:actually see who took the shot? Boys. So you can't rightly say it wasn't the orderlies. Well, no, I can't. If I may suggest
SPEAKER_05:something, Sergeant, I didn't want to say, but I've noticed several items missing from the house. Missing from the house?
SPEAKER_14:Let's have a look in the rooms. Right this way, please. I don't know what's going on here. Somebody's... They
SPEAKER_02:find a
SPEAKER_13:gun.
SPEAKER_14:Get those jerks down to the station. I can't go
SPEAKER_02:to jail. My mom's going to kill me.
SPEAKER_13:Of course, ballistics on that is probably not going to
SPEAKER_02:match. Mr. Denison, I don't think the boys could have had anything to do with this.
SPEAKER_08:I don't know, Carla. Louise, Lowry. I didn't hear Winslow come in. I can have the money for you tomorrow. No, no, no, no, no. I have a plan and I need your help. If you help me kill Albert, I can make it look like the orderlies did it. Luis, I assure you, the plan is
SPEAKER_05:full. Did you hear that? Right. The no-good, two-timing snake. Son
SPEAKER_10:of
SPEAKER_05:a bitch. I'm going to take this to the police. Caller, help off downstairs, all right? I'm going to go ahead and get the car.
SPEAKER_13:So this is all good. The plot thickens, as we say. They're framing the two fat boys.
SPEAKER_04:You know... I feel like the whole, when he's like, well, if you didn't see who did it, you can't say they didn't do it. It's very guilty before proven innocent in the law.
SPEAKER_13:Well, these are two obese black men. Yeah, I know. Where is this rich ass white
SPEAKER_04:Florida? A hundred percent. Yeah, has to be.
SPEAKER_13:Also, I mean, we're aggressively going there now. Yep. So anyway, yay, democracy. So Marky runs down, but trips on an overturned Chauncey, and the tape flies into the fireplace that is burning for some reason. Yep. I don't know why the fireplace is
SPEAKER_04:lit and burning. I don't know either. They don't need to warm the house.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, this is southern Florida, so they don't need to warm the house. Also, like, there's nobody... They're enjoying the fire.
SPEAKER_03:Can't we just keep doing the same thing? Rich people shit.
SPEAKER_04:Just have a random fire
SPEAKER_13:burner? Maybe he just likes to have fires burning at all times. It is absolutely rich people shit. He's like, you need to spend$14,000 a day on having fresh flowers in each room of this 83-room house. Also, every fireplace in the house shall be burning at all times.
SPEAKER_04:If you owned a mansion, I can see you decreeing that.
SPEAKER_03:You think Adam would?
SPEAKER_13:I wouldn't want to own a mansion because that's fucking too big for me.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's fair. Okay.
SPEAKER_13:You know how much it would cost to heat a mansion? Fucking crazy.
SPEAKER_03:That's why all the fires are going.
SPEAKER_13:What if you had a place
SPEAKER_04:just big enough to have two fireplaces in different parts of the house?
SPEAKER_13:Well, they'd always be burning naturally. Okay, fair. That's
SPEAKER_04:fair.
SPEAKER_13:Come on, Dustin. That's crazy talk. If I only had two fireplaces, of course they'd be going
SPEAKER_04:all the time. Okay, I get
SPEAKER_13:it. Jesus.
UNKNOWN:Sorry. Fuck.
SPEAKER_12:He's not the best car man in the lake for nothing, folks.
UNKNOWN:So...
SPEAKER_13:Also, the boing sounds happen when the tape flies in. Am I wrong? Is it the same sound as the boner sound?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it is. I'm pretty sure it is.
SPEAKER_13:Then he pulls the tape out with the fireplace thing, and he goes, oh, no. And then we have a very over-the-top sound bite, which is awesome. One of my favorite sounds. Is that because you hear that in your head like multiple times
SPEAKER_04:a day? Period through the day, that, and then sometimes it trades off with... Also,
SPEAKER_13:sometimes when you do something awkward, you just freeze frame to the camera
SPEAKER_11:and it goes... My whole
SPEAKER_04:life's a movie and a TV show, man.
SPEAKER_13:It's weird.
SPEAKER_03:There's a whole Family Guy episode about that.
SPEAKER_13:Well, that's from Curb Your Enthusiasm. No,
SPEAKER_03:but in Family Guy, he has a theme song just following him. Oh, yeah,
SPEAKER_13:I remember that one. Isn't that when he wishes he had no bones? Yeah. Because the theme song was annoying a guy. I
SPEAKER_03:think there's a whole thing about him having a black son that's a ninja. Like, my black son, my black son.
SPEAKER_13:I don't remember that one. Anyway,
SPEAKER_03:I
SPEAKER_13:don't understand. So we have this like big shock that the tape is burnt, which means they have no evidence. But this is fairly inconsequential because Winslow comes in with Miguel and Montana. Yeah. like to accost them. So regardless of if he had the tape or not, like they're getting kidnapped. Yes. So, so it bears no, it's just there for the fire gag and the wah-wah sound. I'm pretty sure.
SPEAKER_04:Wah-wah. Um, Also, I wanted to just say that I wanted one more time there to be a needle getting thrown and murdering something gag.
SPEAKER_03:You're a fucking sociopath. Shut up.
SPEAKER_13:That is the correct response, Carla.
SPEAKER_14:Thank you.
SPEAKER_13:Cut to Buff and Cool in the detention room. They basically put the plot together because they have figured out the plot of the movie. Then the head detective comes in and walks around them. He casually does a on the back of Cool's head. Yeah. Which I like. It's not like police abuse. He just kind of taps
SPEAKER_04:him.
SPEAKER_13:It's almost more intimidating than like physical violence. Yeah. It's like a fuck you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So that's the tone.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Uh, citizen music plays and he gets around to the front. He goes, I'm tired of waiting. And then he yells for them to confess and they try to explain themselves, but he tells them to shut up. And he says, now you boys better start talking sense, or I'm going to use a Florida lie detector. And one of them says, what's a Florida lie detector. And then we cut to this very large, bald man with a mustache.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:exiting a building, and we have voiceover that says, a Florida lie detector is a 300-pound white man with a baseball bat.
UNKNOWN:Yep.
SPEAKER_13:Which is slightly racially charged, since they're black. No,
SPEAKER_04:100%.
SPEAKER_13:It's not that bad. I never heard this term
SPEAKER_04:before. I
SPEAKER_13:don't think this term exists. I think they made it up in the movie.
SPEAKER_04:That's good, because it's not something I know. And honestly, this guy, his... suit was pretty crisp.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, he looks good.
SPEAKER_04:He's huge. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:He looks like a football player that they gave a baseball bat to.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_13:I fucking love this scene because this guy comes down. He's got a baseball bat and axe. I think a drill, some rope, maybe a vice. I'm not sure. Yeah. But he's handing all these tools into the car. Obviously, they're trying to intimidate them, right? Yep. And they're like, what's that for? I think it's cool. He's like, you're going to demolish us. Yeah. So they think they're about to be beaten, tortured, which is the kind of thing cops would do in 87 or now. I don't
SPEAKER_04:know. Yeah, no, for sure.
SPEAKER_13:Or we just send people to El Salvador or whatever.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. One way or another.
SPEAKER_13:All right. I've got a sound bite here. It's called fat, ugly face. It's because it's one of my favorite lines in the movie. Yeah. But it starts with, Back with the bad guys. So, oh. Gotta switch that.
SPEAKER_03:He's switching it.
SPEAKER_10:There we go.
SPEAKER_05:All right, Albert. Open that safe! No!
SPEAKER_14:Relax.
SPEAKER_09:First,
SPEAKER_06:we'll blow open the door to the safe so we can get the money out. Then we'll rig a second big explosion to take care of these three. Take
SPEAKER_12:care of these three.
SPEAKER_05:Yo, look, Mr. Officer Sergeant, sir. I want to point out unfair situation. Shut your fat, ugly face. That's going to kick our asses. We're going to be hurt, but I was going to be dead.
SPEAKER_13:That shit cracks me up every fucking time. All right. So they get coat hangers from dry cleaning that's hanging in the window next to them. Yeah, this is wild.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, this is the scene. Never mind.
SPEAKER_05:Watch this Brooklyn boy go to work.
SPEAKER_13:Watch this Brooklyn boy go to work.
SPEAKER_05:Get under there.
SPEAKER_03:Would this scene be probable? In
SPEAKER_13:a word, no. So what happens here is they have random metal coat hangers that they have taken from this dry cleaning that has fallen onto Buff. And he snakes the coat hanger under the seat and uses it to press on the gas pedal and make the car rear end the car in front of them. Yep. Because the... Gas pedal always overrides the brake. And they slam into a guy with a license plate that reads, I sue. And this guy gets out and immediately puts a neck brace on, complaining about how his neck hurts. And the detective's like, ah, no. So they're going to have trouble with this guy. So the Florida lie detector and the detective get out to adjudicate the situation. And then Buff and Cool use more coat hangers. So what they do is they have two coat hangers that they have extended to hook onto the steering wheel so they can steer the car. And then they have another coat hanger that they use to get the gear shifter on the steering column, which is not a thing that exists anymore. But back in the day, the gear shifter used to be behind the steering wheel on some cars. Yep. And they pop the car in reverse and drive away, steering in reverse with said coat hangers. Yep.
SPEAKER_03:Do you know how to drive manual?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, absolutely. I can drive anything. Not a semi. Because a semi has like 820 gears. Okay. That's hyperbole. But it has a lot of gears. I don't know how to drive a semi.
SPEAKER_04:Is your green car a manual?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, it's a manual.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, I didn't even know that.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Can you
SPEAKER_04:teach me how to drive manual?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, why not? I don't know why you want to because there are going to be manual transitions, transmissions.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, it's more about getting to drive the green car than anything.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, well, take it to a parking lot. I'll let
SPEAKER_03:you drive it. I have never drove in your car before. Anyway, this is an after podcast conversation.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, so hijinks ensue in the road as they speed through the road backwards and they spin out. And then, I mean, this goes on for like a minute and a half of them looking behind them and somehow steering themselves backwards without crashing into anything. It's nuts. And then spinning out. And then they decide to get out of there. And then it looks to me like Buff uses the coat hanger to unlock the front door. Yep. But they're locked in the back. Yep. All
SPEAKER_04:right.
SPEAKER_13:I don't get it either. I don't know. I was watching that. I was
SPEAKER_03:like... Couldn't you pull up the... Well,
SPEAKER_13:there's a cage between the front and the back doors.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_13:And in a cop car, typically, you can't open the back door from the inside. Yeah. So the fact that he unlocks the front door... He
SPEAKER_03:would
SPEAKER_13:have...
SPEAKER_03:He's a hacker.
SPEAKER_13:Unless they're going to use their considerable weight to bash through the... Fencing.
SPEAKER_04:I wish the scene would have been a little bit longer. And what you've seen was that they go and they use another coat hanger now to roll the window down a little bit. And then another coat hanger goes out and goes around and grabs the door
SPEAKER_08:handle. That is crazy. He's not the best color man in the lake for nothing, folks.
SPEAKER_13:So back to the safe. They get it open and run in like giddy children, and I'm not using exaggeration when I say that. They all lose their fucking minds. Yeah. It's like the reaction of the people in Die Hard when the safe opens, except times 100. Yeah. Like, I think they're literally, like, flapping their arms about and giggling as they run in to find all the gold bars. Yes. Which I'm not criticizing. If I opened a safe that had that much gold in it,
SPEAKER_03:You'd be flapping your arms too.
SPEAKER_13:I'm not saying that I wouldn't. I'm not saying that it would.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:I'm not saying that I wouldn't.
SPEAKER_03:Gotta do a little.
SPEAKER_13:It's like the T-Rex arms. Yeah, man.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you said it, not me.
SPEAKER_13:Well, that's what it is. Yeah, T-Rex arms. What's T-Rex arms? It's a good thing this is an audio format and not a video one because we look silly doing T-Rex arms.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:So Winslow takes some of the cash out of the comically set up cash bag. Yeah. The bank robber cash bag, of which there are many just chilling in the safe. And he goes, scatter some of it around. So it looks like it went up in the explosion. And what's his name? The Mexican guy. Luis Montana Luis yeah Luis says
SPEAKER_03:Dustin got it
SPEAKER_13:yeah I'll give him that credit for
SPEAKER_03:that one point
SPEAKER_13:thank
SPEAKER_03:you you still need the star chart for us
SPEAKER_13:I'm working on it except I'm not really but I will I'll work on it when I remember to
SPEAKER_03:Dustin we'll do it Dustin we're gonna do it okay
SPEAKER_13:anyway Luis says no not too much we'll get the wheelbarrow put the rest in the van which So their plan is to scatter random cash to look like it all burnt up in the explosion. But there are, I don't know, a few tons of gold bars in there that are not going to melt in an explosion. No, not at all. So their plan is a little flawed is what I'm getting at. Winslow doesn't get it. And Luis says, the money can't be here when the police get here. Now, can it? And Winslow goes, but I have to be here for the alibi. And Montana says, you'll just have to trust me, won't you? Which is...
SPEAKER_04:Ill-advised.
SPEAKER_13:I mean, he doesn't have a choice, but, I mean, Montana's taking the money, right? Yeah, 100%. And all the gold.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah, no, there's no stopping that. Montana's just basically trying to be nice and being like, before I rip this from you.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. Cut to the fat boys dressed as cops because the cop uniforms that were in the back of the car were an exact fit for them.
SPEAKER_04:found that out
SPEAKER_13:i'll just let the silence no i'll just let that soak up the silence
SPEAKER_04:i thought that's super odd i i wanted them to comically be in smaller clothes that might have been
SPEAKER_03:better yeah no actually i don't know why i didn't think of that
SPEAKER_04:yeah man i was like man they should be busting out of these and i'm like it would have been funnier if they had been
SPEAKER_07:right
SPEAKER_13:it might have made the subsequent scenes more difficult to do
SPEAKER_04:okay that's
SPEAKER_13:fair Just from a continuity standpoint, because they would have been, like, busting through their costumes in each scene.
SPEAKER_04:I think that would have been funny if they were super tight, and then through their folly, at one point, the ass rips out. At a point, the shoulders rip out.
SPEAKER_13:Well, we'll replace that comedy with glue comedy. Okay, fair. Which is nonsense, but I love it anyway. This cracks me up, but we'll get there. So, then... They flag a car down and commandeer it and drive off. It's funny, but I didn't, for the sake of time, I didn't go through the whole thing. Then we see them climbing up where the grappling hook is. So the grappling hook has come back into prominence and we're led to believe that the fat boys rope climbed up a wall. It's a little hard to believe. Again, they probably could have just walked up to the front. That's true. I... They know where the service entrance is. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Is it really that easy to climb up a rope, though?
SPEAKER_13:No. No,
SPEAKER_03:it is not. I'm 130 pounds, 125 on my best days. I cannot lift myself up. Like, I can hang, but I can't, like, pull myself up. I have to, like, how the fuck can just any regular person do that?
SPEAKER_13:I can do it. You? I can do it, but it has to be a thicker rope because a thin rope like that, you can't really get a hold of very well. If the rope has knots in it, then I can do it. But the fat boys are not going to do it. I'm
SPEAKER_03:just curious. Was this actually something somebody can do?
SPEAKER_13:They can, but this is nonsense. And the fact that they come over the same entrance is further proof to my assertion that this is just like a two-foot wall, and they were kneeling behind it and just sort of popped up and rolled over it.
SPEAKER_04:100%.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I have seen a technique where you wrap the rope around your leg and then put the foot on to get yourself
SPEAKER_13:hoisted up more. It's got to be a thicker rope, though. Yeah. That's how you normally climb a rope. Normally climb a rope, yeah. But if it's a rope that thin, maybe.
SPEAKER_04:We never had to climb rope in gym class or nothing.
SPEAKER_13:I've climbed lots of ropes.
SPEAKER_03:But don't mountain climbers use thin kind of ropes?
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, but you don't use those to climb. You use those to keep you from dying if you
SPEAKER_03:fall. Oh.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. So they have to be thin because you're clipping them into D-clips.
SPEAKER_03:I have questions about that after this.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, I used to climb a lot.
SPEAKER_03:Do
SPEAKER_04:you ever go climbing anymore?
SPEAKER_13:Not lately, just because. But I want to get back into it. You need a cheering section. I don't, but... Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Dustin and I both will cheer for you. I
SPEAKER_13:mean, that's fine. Anyway,
SPEAKER_03:they run through the... You are the freaking man. Let's go.
SPEAKER_13:They run through the tunnel into the house and say, damn, all those guys got guns because there's guards all around. And then we see Mr. Montana taking out dynamite and he says, now we're going to have some fun. The boys go into the gun room and... Buff says, now we got guns, too. And he cocks a shotgun and goes, too slow. And then he looks at the machine guns and goes, that'll work. They take the machine guns and find bullets in the drawer and then put belts of bullets on, which do not go into the guns that they have in their hands. But they look like Rambo knockoffs with these belts of bullets around them. 100%.
SPEAKER_03:It's all for competence.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:yes um this scene cracks me the fuck up every single time because what we're gonna have is they're gonna go to the hall and the cuckoo clock goes off and cool is gonna turn and scream like rainbow and shoot this clock to smithereens yes and that's hilarious but what really cracks me up is buff's reaction after which i'm gonna play right now right now
SPEAKER_05:Don't put that gun at me, man.
SPEAKER_09:What the hell is that?
SPEAKER_05:You crazy, man. You are sick, man. I swear to God, man. Take this shit off, man. You're a sick dude, man.
SPEAKER_09:He's crazy. I don't believe
SPEAKER_05:you, man. These guys are unbelievable. I'll do it. Are
SPEAKER_09:you
SPEAKER_05:crazy? No more shooting.
SPEAKER_14:No more
SPEAKER_09:guns.
SPEAKER_05:No more guns. This has got to be subtle. We'll blow them up with the others. I like that one too. You stay here, capture them. I'll go back and keep an eye on
SPEAKER_08:them. Be careful. You take
SPEAKER_05:the big one, I'll take the other.
SPEAKER_12:Which one's the big one?
SPEAKER_13:So, of course, they have to have a which one's the big one joke in there. That scene cracks me up every time. Him shooting the cuckoo clock up is hilarious. But then his reaction after, he's like, you're sick, man. Take this shit off.
SPEAKER_03:It is funny. I keep saying, this movie actually made me laugh multiple times.
SPEAKER_13:It has genuinely good comedy. You're sick, man. Take this shit off. Every time he says that, I lose my shit. I'm like, this is fucking hilarious. So anyway, you've heard, we've got the two hitmen bad guys who look like, I don't know, dollar store Mexican hitmen, cliche, and Miguel, who is probably Darla's size.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, he's probably your size. He's a small man. He's an effeminate
SPEAKER_03:man. How is that small?
SPEAKER_13:Let it be stated for the record that Darla made a Hulk of... Yeah. Arm...
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah,
SPEAKER_13:like...
SPEAKER_03:I believe... 5'7 is not small.
SPEAKER_04:I believe 5'9 is considered age.
SPEAKER_13:Well, I'm not saying he's short. I'm saying he's small. So he might not be... exceedingly short, but he's like a petite. I was
SPEAKER_04:going to say
SPEAKER_13:petite body type. Yeah,
SPEAKER_14:yeah.
SPEAKER_13:He's the kind of body type that is not going to hold a candle to the like 400 pounds that Kool is, right? Because what's going to happen is the fight begins. Miguel jumps on Kool's back and then he gets mushed against the corner in the most comedically hilarious way. Yeah, man. And then Kool runs through a doorway and and knocks him off on the door jamb. Buff is fighting two guys, and then belly flops on them, and this seems to knock them out somehow. I don't know. Maybe he's crushed their internal organs.
SPEAKER_04:That'd be wild. He gets up there, like, flat in the middle.
SPEAKER_03:They fucking died.
SPEAKER_13:My grandma fell on me one time.
SPEAKER_03:She wasn't that size.
SPEAKER_13:No, but she was... a bigger lady before she came became elderly okay um no we were uh we were in my uncle's this is another southern family story my uncle billy had this big conversion van so we're all in there going up the smoky mountain somewhere i don't remember the fuck where we're going but i'm like 11 12 and i'm laying on the floor of the van and my uncle had to stop suddenly and My grandma wasn't wearing a fucking seatbelt. And she slid off of the...
SPEAKER_03:You got rolled upon.
SPEAKER_13:She slid off of the seat and landed on my chest, knees first.
SPEAKER_03:That's actually horrible. That's horrible.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, I could have been killed.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Kids die to what? CRT TVs all the time? It's probably the same weight, right?
SPEAKER_04:What,
SPEAKER_13:crushed by CRT TVs? No, she was heavy. She had to be... I'm going to guess like 250, something like that. No,
SPEAKER_03:that's what I'm saying. CRT TV has killed kids. You had to hold 250 pounds. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway.
SPEAKER_04:No, for real.
SPEAKER_13:All's I'm saying is, yeah, you can get fucked up by getting mushed by fat people. Did you scream? I probably did. I don't
SPEAKER_03:remember
SPEAKER_10:exactly.
SPEAKER_03:Did you scream?
SPEAKER_13:That's a fair question. I probably did. You know
SPEAKER_04:what my grandma did one day?
SPEAKER_13:What?
SPEAKER_04:So we stopped. We had a van and we got back home and my grandmother got out of the van and she had put her hand on the bar that the sliding door goes against on the side of the van. I didn't realize and I closed it and All I could see when the door latched were just her fingers through there. You smushed
SPEAKER_03:your
SPEAKER_04:grandma's house. Yeah, you guys thought my grandma was going to do something. No, I accidentally smushed my grandma's hand in the door. It was weird. She had just a tiny bruise. You
SPEAKER_13:prefaced this story with, you know what my grandma did one time? It was her just getting out of the van. That's not what your grandma did. That's what you did to your grandma.
SPEAKER_04:I know. All my grandma did was get out of the van. Anyway, that's why I
SPEAKER_14:prefaced
SPEAKER_13:it. Anyway, so both belly flops onto the other two bad guys and then run after Cool stomping on Miguel's stomach in the process. This had to be a stunt guy that was disguised to be fat, right? Yeah. You can't just... No. Like, he would have put his foot through his stomach.
SPEAKER_04:No, a thousand percent. Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Anyway, Buff finds Cool hiding in a cabinet. This is hilarious because the cabinet doesn't close while he's in it. Yeah. So he's just obviously exposed to anybody who walks into
SPEAKER_09:this.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah. He's like, wait, get the hell out of there. So they run into a pantry. This is one of my favorite parts of the movie. And it's so fucking stupid. But I love it so much. Because Kool finds Oreos. And they're about to be murdered by, like, cartel-type people. And he's like, oh, shit, Oreos.
SPEAKER_03:You have priorities. That
SPEAKER_13:makes sense. Yeah, no, I get it. But then Buff bumps into him. And there's this tube of, like, ultra-strong glue that falls to the floor that he steps on, and they get it all over their hands and feet. Cool gets a mat stuck to his shoe, which is funny.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:And they head out. Buff has a vacuum stuck to him because he has grabbed this vacuum pole, and he can't get it off of his hand, so they have to, like... detach it from the hoses. So now he's got this pole stuck to him. And then he grabs a pan and uses it to clock Miguel in the face because Miguel has walked in to apprehend them or whatever. And he goes down with his eyes blinking with Tweety Bird sounds and the audio.
SPEAKER_03:More Looney Tunes.
SPEAKER_13:More Looney Tunes shit. I love this because Buff goes to put the pan down and he can't let it go. He tries like four times. So he just has to run out with the pan and the pole stuck to his hand.
SPEAKER_04:Yep, it's good.
SPEAKER_13:Which is ridiculous, but I fucking love it. Yeah, man. I fucking love it. What I love even more is they run out, Kool goes to open the door, gets the doorknob stuck to his hand, goes to open another door and gets that doorknob stuck to his hand. Yeah, yeah. So now he has to use the leverage of... of buff behind him to push off with his foot and rip both doorknobs off into his hand yep good so they're just a mess they've got shit stuck to their feet and hands all over yep which is so stupid but i love it
SPEAKER_03:it's fun
SPEAKER_13:i know i love it i'm saying i love it I mean, it's ridiculous, but I
SPEAKER_03:love it. I love it,
SPEAKER_04:too. At this part of the movie, I feel like these two are Curly and Larry, and... Moe is tied up somewhere? Mark is tied up, yeah. Well, he's Moe. Yeah, Moe is tied up, yep.
SPEAKER_13:So, Winston and the hitmen find Miguel and wake him up, and then Mr. Denison wakes up and sees the dynamite and the fuse. The boys hear Mr. Denison moaning from... pool house which i don't know how they could do that because this house is enormous but whatever it's fine and they go out to help with all the stuff still attached they're running to help and he's still got this fucking wicker mat attached to his foot which i find hysterical uh the bad guys run down the tunnel and they light the fuse and it sparks and uh Carla and Denison are now awake and yelling for help. The boys come out and see the fuse and they chase after it. And they do a slow motion belly flop into the pool and splash the fuse and douse it with water, which is not how fuses work, but that's fine. It's cool. The scope of the movie. We can roll with it. They come in and hurry to get them out because the fuse is starting again, and they run off just in time, and the pool house explodes in a pretty fantastic explosion for what I assume the budget is for this movie.
SPEAKER_04:For a movie that had to resort to table gags early on.
SPEAKER_13:Well, they had the first scene where the windows just blow out. That's a thing they did. Yeah. For, like, low-budget stuff back in the day where, like, you could simulate an explosion of a building by just, like, installing false windows and blowing fire out the windows. So it looks like the building's blowing up, but it's not.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_13:But then you have a scene of the top of the building blowing out. Yeah. Which might have been a miniature. I'm not sure. But it looks really fucking good. Oh,
SPEAKER_04:yeah. Imagine that model maker getting the job for the Disorderly's movie.
SPEAKER_13:That's right. Anyway, the bad guys cheer from their van because they have pulled the heist off and then we have a soundbite.
SPEAKER_14:Almost
SPEAKER_04:sound like Batman
SPEAKER_14:villains. Yeah, he'll totally be at
SPEAKER_13:the hotel.
SPEAKER_09:I was protecting Uncle Albert. I got shot in the process. I'll be a hero. Shoot me.
SPEAKER_14:No. Allow me. No, no, no, no, no. I want to do it. No, I'll do it. So I want him to do it. Yes. You want it done right, don't you? Okay. Turn around. Okay, okay. Okay, but not with that. Use the little gun. Yes, yes, please. Please. as you wish bend over just a flesh wound just just graze me don't
SPEAKER_06:worry you won't feel a thing
SPEAKER_14:I love
SPEAKER_13:that scene because uh Winslow pulls out a little two-shot Derringer, which is a.22 caliber at best. It's a tiny gun. And he wants Miguel to shoot him to provide the alibi that he was protecting them. And then Montana is like, no, let me do it. And he pulls out what I assume is a.45. Because
SPEAKER_03:I didn't know the difference between the guns. Well,
SPEAKER_13:one's a lot bigger than the other.
SPEAKER_03:He said, well, the other gun.
SPEAKER_13:Yeah, yeah. And that's another reason why I think Miguel is in love with Winslow. He's like, please,
SPEAKER_03:please, please. I'm going to make a fan fiction of
SPEAKER_13:it. That's your homework. So... Winston gets shot in the ass or Winslow gets shot in the ass and goes down. And then all the survivors come out and laugh at him because they're not dead. And he and Miguel and turn and see them pointing. And then they all turn and jump and high five and we freeze frame and then flip the scene. And now we have the epilogue, which I will play now to take us out of the movie. It's very regal. That's from my notes, you plagiarizing son of a bitch. Is it really? Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:Louie Montana served seven years and was released. My rotten nephew also served seven years and was released.
SPEAKER_11:Wait, wait, I have a plan. It's flawless. What plan?
SPEAKER_08:They're now both serving an additional 20. Cool became a lifeguard. He is currently training to swim the English Channel. Buffy went to medical school. He's now practicing heart surgery at a hospital
SPEAKER_03:in Beverly Hills. Marky never
SPEAKER_08:returned to school, but he has become a sex therapist in private practice.
SPEAKER_05:I married Nico. We now have four children and one on the way. He's gross.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Though the boys have gone on to greater things, we still get together. Every year, we plan to go on a safari.
SPEAKER_12:Hey, the Beast Boys, boy. Check it out.
SPEAKER_08:Get out of there.
SPEAKER_05:Somehow, we just
SPEAKER_08:never make
SPEAKER_05:it.
SPEAKER_08:Okay, Buffy, hit
SPEAKER_05:it.
SPEAKER_13:So it's an interesting choice of lead-out music because you would expect a Fat Boys rap song, but this is not a Fat Boys rap song, so... Weird. I believe that was the actual, at least a couple of the Beach Boys in the surf shop. Oh, really? They accidentally fired their guns off because the Fat Boys did a song with the Beach Boys.
SPEAKER_03:Did they really? That's awesome. But with Bon
SPEAKER_13:Jovi, too.
SPEAKER_03:Where was Bon Jovi?
SPEAKER_13:Well, Bon Jovi was in the soundtrack. I don't know if they did a song with him, but they did a song with the Beach Boys. But you're talking late 80s Beach Boys. Yeah. That's fair.
SPEAKER_04:Although... Late 80s Beach Boys was Kokomo.
SPEAKER_13:Yes, but I don't know how many of the original Beach Boys were still there. Oh,
SPEAKER_04:that's fair, because John Stamos was playing the drums in the video.
SPEAKER_13:To Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego, baby. we go down to Kokomo. We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow. That's
SPEAKER_11:where we want to go. Way down in Kokomo.
SPEAKER_13:Beautiful. So that's the movie. I fucking love it. If you've never watched this movie, we didn't spoil anything. Go ahead and watch it. It is... It's just really fun. It is. It's a genuinely entertaining film. I've been watching it for almost 40 years, and it still is fun now as it used to be. Yeah,
SPEAKER_03:this is definitely a love letter. This is not a criticism. This is just fun.
SPEAKER_13:No, I mean, I critiqued a couple things, but
SPEAKER_03:nothing. Well, you can critique it and still have it be a love letter.
SPEAKER_13:That's right. All right, come back with us in a week and a half or so when a bit of the ultraviolence is going to do Mandy.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_13:Which is going to be wild. We did Con Air last time. Yeah, fun. If you haven't listened to our Con Air episode, go and do that. I'll make Darla watch Mandy with me. Oh, Darla's going to like Mandy. I
SPEAKER_03:did it with Con Air. I had a good time. Yeah,
SPEAKER_13:dude. Mandy is infinitely better. Mandy is a... Beautiful movie.
SPEAKER_03:Well, shit.
SPEAKER_13:But also extremely fucked up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You can give me movie. I'll watch one. Honestly,
SPEAKER_04:you like A24 enough.
SPEAKER_13:I love A24. You are going to like. Wait, is that an A24 movie? It's not. Mandy is not, but it is.
SPEAKER_03:Feels like one?
SPEAKER_13:It is sort of artsy in the same vein. Yeah. I don't know what our next 80s movie is going to be. What were we talking about?
SPEAKER_03:It's usually all up to you. Well, I
SPEAKER_13:know it's up
SPEAKER_04:to me. The last time we were discussing doing the A-Team...
SPEAKER_13:We also
SPEAKER_04:had discussed going to do the Back to the Future movies at one point there. Other than that, I can't remember other items we discussed to go over.
SPEAKER_13:Well, that will be still to be decided then. Okay, then. But yeah, come back with us on the Pretty Cool, I Guess podcast network when a bit of the ultraviolence tackles Mandy. Hell yeah. And that's what was up with the
SPEAKER_06:80s.
SPEAKER_13:Yards!
SPEAKER_06:Number Johnny Five. Come on, Johnny Five. I
SPEAKER_07:pity the fool.
UNKNOWN:I pity, I pity, I pity the fool. I pity the fool.