Grandpa Is Him
A general microcast about everything and nothing in everyday life. True short stories, family fun, some true crime, anything that I find interesting. In short, it is about everyday life, as lived by every day people, presented a fun and entertaining way.
Grandpa Is Him
Fact or Fiction: The Strange Road Rules Governing America's Highways
Buckle up for a hilarious journey through America's strangest and most useless driving laws as we quiz you on which bizarre rules are fact versus fiction across all 50 states.
• Blindfolded driving is illegal in Alabama, though singing opera behind the wheel is perfectly fine
• Alaska prohibits transporting drunk passengers in taxis
• In Arizona, driving in reverse on public streets is against the law
• Arkansas bans honking near sandwich shops after 9pm - a remnant from drive-in restaurant days
• California made it illegal to jump from vehicles traveling at 65mph
• Florida requires payment for parking meters even when tying elephants to them
• It's illegal to change clothes while driving in Delaware (with a hilarious story about a commuter getting dressed at 65mph)
• Montana requires sheep to have a herder when transported in trucks
• Tennessee prohibits shooting whales from moving vehicles (in a landlocked state)
• Four states have five syllables in their names: Louisiana, North Carolina, South Carolina, and California (if mispronounced)
Send your weird or outdated driving laws to grandpaishim@gmail.com for a chance to be featured in an upcoming listener law segment!
Hello road warriors, and welcome to Grandpa Is Him. I'm Lynn Dimick and we're diving into the hilariously useless driving laws of America. Let's play Factor Fiction Road Rules Edition. We'll go down the list of all 50 states and ask a question about road rules. You will have two answers to choose from, but you may need to be quick and you probably shouldn't think too hard about this. Alright, alabama, number one. Here's a head scratcher. Can you get a ticket for singing opera behind the wheel or for driving with a blindfold? Believe it or not, it's the blindfold that'll get you into trouble. I know, obvious, right, but someone back in the day felt they needed to write that down. That makes you wonder what were those early car rides like? Were they really that wild? Why would you want to play pin the tail on the donkey at 65 miles an hour?
Lynn Dimick:Our second exit on this highway is Alaska, where they have some unique concerns. Is it a no-go to drive a moose-drawn sled on a Tuesday or to transport a drunk in a taxi? Surprisingly, the actual law is about those taxi rides. Seems reasonable, but what if you're the designated driver? Can you imagine what it must have been like in those early gold rush days to have to have that as a law. Let's leave the frozen tundra of Alaska and head south to Arizona, the land of sunshine and strange laws. Is it illegal to wear a sombrero while driving a golf cart or to drive in reverse on a public street? Well, it turns out that driving in reverse is a no-no, unless, of course, you're backing out of a spot.
Lynn Dimick:But I want to share with you a story that happened to me. My very first car was an old station wagon that was breaking down. I bought it for $100, and I drove it for a week and on Friday of that week the transmission went out completely, which I knew was going to happen. I got it off the freeway to a gas station and I got up early Saturday morning and the only way I could get it to the dealer to get the transmission repaired was to drive it in reverse three miles. So I had somebody driving behind me to keep people away from me and I drove the whole way looking over my shoulder. Not something I would recommend, and I fully understand this law.
Lynn Dimick:Let's move on to Arkansas. What's weirder feeding squirrels in a clown costume or honking your horn late at night near a sandwich shop? Believe it or not, it's the honking after 9 pm. Imagine those late night snack runs getting too rowdy. And the truth is I think I understand this one Years ago, before there were drive-thrus, there were drive-ins, which were really drive-ups. Now what you'd do is you would drive your car into the restaurant and park and then you would honk to let them know you were there. They would come out and take your order and bring it to you. I imagine it was pretty annoying to the neighbors when you pulled up after 9 pm to place your order for a burger and a Coke.
Lynn Dimick:Moving on to number five on our list, california, the land of Hollywood, can you get in trouble for singing show tunes while changing a flat tire or jumping from a car going 65 miles an hour? The truth is, it's that jump. That's illegal, obvious, right, but someone somewhere thought it was necessary. Did a stuntman try this? And the next question is where are you going to drive 65 miles an hour? In California? Now, I do have to admit that several years ago, maybe 45 years ago, I did manage to crash a motorcycle at speeds that were in excess of 65. And it's not an experience I want to repeat and I would not recommend that anybody else, try me if you don't believe me.
Lynn Dimick:At number six we have Colorado, rocky Mountain, high and High Weirdness. Is it illegal to wear skis while driving a car or to drive a black car in Denver on Sundays? Believe it or not, it's the black car on Sundays. It's an old one, likely from horse-drawn carriage days. And now we're on to Connecticut, where they're serious about safety. Is it illegal to juggle while driving a tractor or to hunt from a vehicle on a highway? The actual law is about hunting. Makes sense, right? I can just picture those hunters in the early days driving in their brand new motor carriages Not pretty. Delaware is next on our list where, apparently, public decency matters.
Lynn Dimick:Can you change your clothes in your car at a red light? Or wear pajamas while driving a horse-drawn carriage? Or wear pajamas while driving a horse-drawn carriage? The truth is, changing in your car is a no-go. No impromptu fashion shows. Were there very many complaints, though?
Lynn Dimick:I have to tell you this story Years ago we used to live in Riverside County and I worked in Orange County, and to show you how long ago it was, it was a 55-mile drive that took 55 minutes, and I would drive there in the morning, and one morning I noticed there was a, and to show you how long ago it was, it was a 55 mile drive that took 55 minutes, and I would drive there in the morning. And one morning I noticed there was a pack of about six or seven cars passing, everybody on the right-hand side, and it looked like they had a car boxed in. Well, it turns out that there was a young lady who I thought she got a late start, but because she did this more than one day, that's not the case. Anyway, what she was doing is she was wearing what looked like a baby doll type nightie and she was getting dressed while driving on the car at 65 miles an hour. And she had quite the audience, quite the crowd, quite the attraction. I don't know whatever happened, but I sure didn't miss her or the chaos she brought.
Lynn Dimick:And now we're on to Florida. Florida, I don't know what to say, but it's always unique. Do you have to pay for parking if you tie an elephant to a meter? Or is it illegal to wear a full suit of armor while riding your bike? You gotta pay for that elephant. Imagine the meeting that led to that law. I wonder if it was a traveling circus issue.
Lynn Dimick:Apparently, in Georgia they like their playground safe. Is it illegal to wear a hat while driving a mule cart in the park or to drive through a playground? It's the playground. I wonder if somebody actually tried this. Aloha Hawaii, where pickups are king. Aloha Hawaii, where pickups are king. Is it illegal to transport pineapples in a convertible trunk or to have passengers in a pickup bed? The actual law is about those passengers. Remember safety first.
Lynn Dimick:And here comes Idaho, at number 12, where they're strict about Sundays. Can you ride a merry-go-round on Sundays or wear a chicken suit while driving a tractor? The truth is no merry-go-rounds on Sunday. Blue laws, you know. Now we come to the land of Lincoln, and I don't mean Lincoln, the car, illinois. They don't like mobile dressing rooms. Is it illegal to wear a clown nose while driving a semi or to change clothes while driving? It's the changing clothes. Again. Was the car's invention a problem? I guess all I can add is if you know, you know. Moving on to Indiana, where they're picky about cargo, is it illegal to drive a car with a full load of hay on the highway or to wear a mustache that causes laughter while driving? The actual law is about that hay. Rural to urban transitions. You know Number 15 will stay in the Corn Belt, iowa.
Lynn Dimick:They've got some practical concerns. Is it a no-no to drive a tractor on the highway without flushing lights, or is it a fashion faux pas to wear a mask while driving a horse-drawn carriage? The actual law is about those flashing lights. Makes sense, right. Safety first always, especially when you're moving slow on a fast road, you get these tractors and cars mixing and you need to make sure that everyone sees everyone.
Lynn Dimick:In Kansas they do not like dead poultry on the streets. No-transcript Turns out it's the poultry. Public health. You know this one may seem silly but it really is a practical health problem With the recent spread of the bird flu. Can you imagine if a sick bird spread their feathers all over the countryside?
Lynn Dimick:Number 17, we have Kentucky, the home of a famous horse race, but Kentucky is also where fishing is serious. Horse race, but Kentucky is also where fishing is serious. Can you fish from a moving vehicle on the highway or drive a car with a horse in the back? The truth is no fishing from a moving car distracted driving in its weirdest form. Besides, I don't know too many fishes that can swim as fast as a moving car. Moving on to Louisiana, where they're in the United States by name only, I think, can you honk your horn at an alligator or wear a mask while driving in a Mardi Gras parade? No, honking at alligators, they're sensitive creatures, you know. Moving northeast to Maine, where parking is precious, can you park in front of a Dunkin' Donuts or wear a lobster bid while driving a convertible? The answer is no. Parking in front of Dunkin's Must have been a long line issue out on the streets.
Lynn Dimick:Number 20, we have Maryland, the home of crab cakes, where they like their roads civil. Can you swear while driving on a highway or transport a lion to the movies? No, swearing, road rage control, you know. Staying on the East Coast, we come to Massachusetts, where birds are backseat drivers. Can you drive with a goose in the front seat or a gorilla in the back seat? It's the goose Distracting, they say.
Lynn Dimick:We're off to number 22, michigan, where fish have rules. Can you drive with an open container of fish or a pile of skunks in the trunk? No, open fish Smells, you know. And Minnesota has one of the weirdest laws of all. Can you drive a red car on Lake Street or a car with a live duck on your head. No red cars on Lake Street Very specific.
Lynn Dimick:I would really like to know more about the background of this one. At number 24, mississippi might be closer to Alabama than just geography. Can you honk at a chicken or drive blindfolded? No, honking at chickens. They're sensitive creatures, you know. I do remember as a youngster being on my grandparents' farm and we would help collect the eggs and my grandmother was always very adamant and was quite stern in telling us do not chase the chickens, it could hurt them when they're trying to lay eggs and kill them. And we had chicken dinner more than once from chickens that well, they didn't want to stick around and be picked up. Oh, and we weren't really chasing them, we were just following them closely quickly. Number 25, missouri. Can you drive with bears in the car or an open beer? Even though there's just one letter difference between beer and bear, the answer is no bears, and that's with an A, not an E. All right, there, you've got the first 25.
Lynn Dimick:I wanted to give you a quick break and share a story with you. When I was a child, it was a great thrill to be able to call my grandparents on the phone, and we would have to wait until Sunday evenings after 5, when the rates were the lowest, and it was just a thrill to hear their voice and tell them what was going on. Well, nowadays kids have got cell phones and they can call anytime they want, and it's not just audio calls, it's video calls. One morning I got a video call from my granddaughter, hallie, who is six years old, and she was sharing me her latest tumbling and gymnastic stunts, which in my case involves staring at a phone that was spinning wildly out of control. And finally she put the phone down and she says okay, grandpa, guess where the phone is. Well, I had seen enough scenes to know that it was the basement. So I said I'm in the basement. She says yep, and she says guess again. And she covered the lens and put the phone somewhere, took her finger off and said guess where you are now? And I could see some blinds and I could see the outline of a basement window. And I said I'm in the windowsill of the basement. She says yep, that's pretty good. She says now, guess where you are. And the next thing I know she's got her thumb on the lens and I can hear her running up the stairs. I can hear a door open, I can hear the phone being put down and the door closed and she says now guess where you are. Well, I figured the only place she could really go because I know the layout of their house and that was as dark as it was is the pantry. So I said pantry. She says grandpa. How did you know? And of course my answer was because grandpa is him.
Lynn Dimick:Let's get back to our list and we'll pick up with number 26. Montana, can you drive a tractor in full armor or do sheep need a sheep herder when they're in a truck? Sheep need a herder. Old west problems. I guess number 27 is another one that has me scratching my head.
Lynn Dimick:Nebraska they like their mountain roads orderly. Can you drive a car while wearing a corn husk suit or must you drive to the right on mountain roads? Driving to the right mountain etiquette? I just want to know where in Nebraska they found a mountain to test this on. Let's head out west to Nevada, where they've never seen a left lane on the highway that they didn't like to camp in. Can you drive a slot machine on wheels or ride a camel on a highway? No, camels on the highway Must be a Vegas problem. New Hampshire, where apparently hay is a hazard. Can you drive a fishing boat on the highway or with hay in the road? No, hay in the road, rural roadblocks, they say.
Lynn Dimick:Moving down the turnpike a bit, we come to New Jersey, the land of strong opinions. Can you get in trouble for frowning at a cop or for wearing a full tomato sauce suit while delivering pizzas? Turns out, it's that frown that'll get you Respect the badge, even with your face. You know, jersey's always been a place where they like to keep things orderly. Forget about it. At number 31, we have the Land of Enchantment, new Mexico. Can you drive a lowrider in a chili pepper suit or with untied shoes? Untied shoes are a no-go. You may need to consider Velcro In the Big Apple, new York. Can you drive a taxi in a Broadway costume or in slippers? No, slippers. Comfort versus safety, you know.
Lynn Dimick:Next up we have number 33, north Carolina, which will be a subject of a question at the end of the entire list. So pay attention. Can you play chicken with a train or drive a tractor in a tobacco leaf suit? The answer is no. Plain chicken with trains. Obvious right Makes you wonder what happened that made them have to codify that In North Dakota, where I'm not sure that there's enough people there to require these laws, they do have one.
Lynn Dimick:Can you drive a combine in a cornstalk suit or a wagon while drunk? It turns out that no drunk wagon driving is permitted. Old habits die hard, I guess. On to Ohio. Is it legal to run out of gas in Youngstown? Or to drive a golf cart in a football helmet? Well, it turns out that running out of gas in Youngstown is illegal. Plan ahead, people.
Lynn Dimick:At number 36, we have Oklahoma, where the Never mind. Can you read a comic while driving or drive a covered wagon in a cowboy hat? Yee-haw, no reading comics. Eyes on the road. How about Oregon? Must you yield to pedestrians on the sidewalk or drive a chainsaw on wheels? Yield to pedestrians. Common sense, people, common sense.
Lynn Dimick:And traveling down this highway of mirth, we come to the off-ramp for Pennsylvania. Can you drive without a horn or a steam car in an Amish hat? Can you drive without a horn or a steam car in an Amish hat? It turns out, no driving without a horn. Again, safety first. Exit number 39 is Rhode Island. Can you transport open liquor or drive a duck boat in a sailor suit? No, open liquor. Keep it sealed, out of sight, out of mind, out of reach, especially out of reach, please.
Lynn Dimick:Number 40, south Carolina, where distracted driving must be a problem. Can you drive a wagon on Main Street on Thursday or can you drive a wagon while eating a sandwich? No wagons on Main Street Thursday, traffic flow. You know this one is a little bit tricky. South Dakota Can you drive a tractor downtown during rush hour or a covered wagon on the interstate while wearing a full buffalo costume? The answer is no tractors downtown during rush hour. The answer is no tractors downtown during rush hour. I'm not sure where you're either going to find a buffalo suit on the interstate with a covered wagon or there's going to be a downtown rush hour anywhere in South Dakota. But it's the law.
Lynn Dimick:At number 42, we have Tennessee, where apparently both whales and elephants are protected. Can you shoot a whale from a moving vehicle or drive a monster truck in an elvish jumpsuit? No shooting whales. Landlocked state, but still why? We're on to Texas, which originated the phrase here. Hold my beer. Can you drive without wipers or a horse-drawn carriage through a Whataburger drive-thru? There is no driving without wipers. Safety first, y'all. Moving on to Zion, aka Utah, can you make a U-turn in a school zone during recess or drive a camel on a highway? No U-turns in school zones during recess. Kids safety first.
Lynn Dimick:We're up to number 45, vermont, the peaceful state. Is it against the law to drive a car while dressed as a moose or to drive a car on a dirt road? The truth is it's the dirt roads you gotta watch out for. They're trying to keep those roads in good shape and regular cars well, they just don't help. It's a rural thing, you know.
Lynn Dimick:At 46, we have Virginia, and it kind of makes you want to say isn't that a blaring glimpse of the obvious? Can you drive without headlights after sunset or honk at a skunk? The answer, obviously, is no driving without headlights, nighttime safety. Next, at number 47, we have Washington, the state, not the district. Can you drive with a visible TV screen or a monster truck through Pike Place Market? The answer is no, visible TV screens. They're a modern distraction, although driving a monster truck through Pike Place Market would be kind of fun and kind of cool, but you might get pelted by the flying fish.
Lynn Dimick:We're down to our last three, 48, virginia, where ferrets are a driving hazard. Can you drive with a ferret or a raccoon on a leash? The answer is no driving with a ferret. They're just too curious. Number 49, we have Wisconsin, where cows belong in the pasture. Can you drive with a cow in the backseat or an open container of cheese? No, cows in the backseat. Safety first and finally, we have number 50, wyoming, where wagons on interstates just do not mix. Can you drive a horse-drawn wagon on the interstate, or a tour bus through Yellowstone while wearing a full dinosaur costume? The answer is no wagons on the interstate Modern highways.
Lynn Dimick:You know, recently I saw a meme on social media that said that there was only one state in the country with five syllables in the name, and I thought that's ridiculous. There's no way that's true, because I can name two right off the top of my head. So I'm going to give you about five seconds or so of some wonderful background music maybe some more of that banjo toe tapping stuff and let you think about it. How many states can you name that have five syllables in them? Syllables in them. Okay, the answer is that there are four Louisiana, north Carolina and South Carolina, and the fourth one is California. Now wait a minute. I live in California. I know how many syllables it has. It has only four. So I did some research and apparently some people don't know how to pronounce it right. It's California, not California. So if you call it California, you get your fifth syllable. I think it's all hooey.
Lynn Dimick:And so, to help wrap things up, I want to share with you a story that involves Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods. Stevie and Tiger were in the bar one night talking about golf and singing. Woods turned to Wonder and says how was the singing career going? Stevie Wonder replies not too bad. How's the golf? Woods replies not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that fixed right now. Stevie says I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then the next time I play, it seems to be all right. Tiger says you play golf? Woods replies oh yeah, I've been playing for years. And Woods says but you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind? Wonder replies I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me.
Lynn Dimick:I listen for the sound of his voice and I play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice. But how do you putt? Asks Woods. Well, stevie says I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice. Woods says that's amazing. What's your handicap? And Stevie says well, I'm a scratch golfer. Woods has a hard time believing this and he says to Stevie we've got to play around sometime. Wonder replies well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Woods thinking about it and says okay, I'm game for that. What would you like to play? Stevie says pick a night, any night. All right, folks.
Lynn Dimick:There you have it All 50 states and a whole lot of head-scratching moments. I hope you've enjoyed this wild ride through the world of useless driving laws, and I want to give a special call out to Blake for helping edit this edition. He caught some mistakes in it that would have made this a real disaster, and he and I are going to be collaborating on a segment all about the Midnight Donut Run. But before we go, I want to hear from you. Do you know of any weird or outdated driving laws in your area? Send them to grandpaishimcom at gmailcom. We may feature the best ones in an upcoming listener law segment. This is Len Dimmick, reminding you to keep your wheels turning and your laws well, at least mildly sensible.
