5 Quiet Ways Shame Is Stealing Your Confidence | 2 Timothy 1:7

 In this episode of the Self-Love Journaling With God Podcast, we’re talking about 5 ways shame may be stealing your confidence in quiet, everyday moments. If you’ve been over-apologizing, second-guessing yourself, comparing your journey, assuming the worst, or hesitating to move forward, this episode will help you recognize how shame affects confidence and how to respond with God’s truth instead of fear. Find a quiet place, your favorite beverage, and your journal, because there is so much to learn here.  Rooted in 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV), this faith-based conversation offers encouragement, emotional healing, support for self-worth, and practical journaling insights for women who want to rebuild their confidence with God. If you’re ready to stop letting shame talk you out of your voice, your growth, and your next step, this episode is for you. 

Transcript

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Welcome back to the Self-Love Journaling with God podcast. I'm your host, Shonda, and I am so thankful that you are here with me today. This podcast is about more than journaling, it's about doing the heart work with God as we heal, grow, and learn to love ourselves the way God does. One journaling page and one prayer at a time. And so, my sister, we are continuing our series on shame. I hope you have been pulling some nuggets from these episodes. And if you have, definitely let me know what has helped and how you have received any benefits from these episodes. So let's kind of go over what we have been talking about. In episode one, we talked about the difference between shame and conviction. And then we went on in episode two talking about how shame tries to name you with labels God never gave you. And then in episode three, we talked about how shame can make you hide emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. And so today we are looking at another effect of shame that can be easy to miss at first, but very real once you notice it. Shame can quietly steal your confidence. Not always in a dramatic way, not always in a way other people can see, but in those everyday subtle moments where you hesitate, overthink, back down, second guess yourself, and feel smaller than you really are. So today I want to walk you through five practical ways shame may be stealing your confidence so you can recognize it, bring it to the light, and stop letting it lead your life. So, my sister, have you ever looked at yourself and thought, why do I doubt myself so much now? Like, what happened to the version of you that felt a little more free, a little more steady, a little less afraid of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, or being seen the wrong way. Maybe life happened, maybe heartbreak happened, maybe mistakes happened or rejection, disappointment piled up. Maybe you got tired of feeling exposed, or maybe you started caring things that made you question yourself more than you realize. And now confidence feels harder. You overthink your words, you replay your choices, you question whether you're enough, you hesitate before stepping into something good, you feel unsure, even when part of you knows better. We have all kind of been there at some point, right? So, my sister, sometimes we call that insecurity. Sometimes we call it being cautious, sometimes we call it just having low confidence, but sometimes underneath it all, it is shame. Shame draining your confidence little by little. Pause with me for a second here. I just want to take a moment and just take a deep breath here. Take it in, take it out, and breathe. And ask yourself gently this. Have I been calling it insecurity when it might actually be shame? Think about this. Because once you can see it clearly, you can stop agreeing with it so quickly. So let's go to the word here. Let's talk about Moses here for a moment. Now, in Exodus, the fourth chapter, God is calling Moses to go and speak. And I'm sure a lot of you have read this story. God is calling Moses to go and speak, to lead, to obey, to show up. But Moses starts giving reasons why he can't. And so this is in Exodus 4, verse 10, and it says, And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant, but I am slow of speech and of a slow tongue. And so I'm going to read that also in another translation. In the amplified version, Exodus four, verse ten, it says, And Moses said to the Lord, O Lord, I am not eloquent or a man of words, neither before nor since you have spoken to your servant, for I am slow of speech and have a heavy and awkward tongue. So this is what Moses said to God. Now, yes, Moses had real concerns, but what stands out is how quickly he focused on what he believed was lacking in him. And so, my sister, shame often sounds like that too. It makes your attention stay fixed on your weakness, your history, your insecurity, your not enough places. So a quick personal story here. There have been seasons where I have even felt God nudging me forward, but internally I was more focused on what I thought I lacked than what God was asking of me. I could see the assignment, but I could also see my own insecurities. And when shame is involved, it becomes easy to magnify your weaknesses and minimize God's grace. That is why this conversation really matters. So let's define one word here: confidence. Confidence is a steady trust that with God you can show up honestly, take your next step, and not be ruled by fear. Confidence is not perfection, it is not never feeling nervous. Sometimes we will feel nervous, but that don't mean you're not confident. Confidence is being able to move forward without constantly collapsing under self-doubt. And shame works against that. Shame weakens confidence because it trains you to expect failure, rejection, exposure, or disappointment. It makes you interpret yourself through a negative lens. It keeps us bracing instead of believing too. And it makes us doubt what God may be doing in us because we're still staring at what feels broken. So let's make this practical and walk through five ways shame may be stealing your confidence right now. And so here is our anchor scripture. In 2 Timothy, 1 chapter 7, verse, it says, For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Now this verse matters because shame often works through fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of being seen, fear of being judged, fear of falling again, fear of not measuring up. But God did not give you that spirit. He gave you power for your next step, love, so you do not have to relate to yourself harshly, and a sound mind so you can move with steadiness instead of spiraling. Now let's walk through these five ways here. Shame makes you over-apologize for your presence. This is number one. One way shame kind of steals your confidence is by making you apologize for things that do not require an apology. You say sorry for asking a question. You might be saying sorry for taking time, sorry for having a need. You might be apologizing for speaking up, or saying sorry for not being able to do everything. And over time, that constant apologizing sends a message to your own heart. And it would say, My presence is an inconvenience. That's the message it might send to your heart. That is not confidence, that is shame teaching us to feel guilty for existing in normal human ways. Here's an example. Someone asked if you can help with something, and you genuinely cannot. Instead of simply saying, I can this time, you spiral into over-explaining, apologizing, and feeling bad for having a limit. So, my sister, having a boundary is not the same thing as doing something wrong. Here's another way that shame may be stealing your confidence. Shame makes you distrust your own growth. And this is a big one. Shame can keep you stuck in an old version of yourself, even when God is growing you. Sometimes we minimize our growth. So even if you have matured, even if you are more aware, even if you are making healthier choices, even if you have changed, shame still whispers. But what if the old you shows up again? It makes you distrust your own progress. So instead of saying God has been growing me, you might say, I probably haven't changed that much. Instead of trusting what God has done, you stay suspicious of yourself. And that steals confidence because confidence needs room to acknowledge growth, not pride, not pretending, just honest acknowledgement. You might say, I am not where I used to be, just acknowledging that you are growing. Another way that it steals our confidence is that shame makes you compare your behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight real. Shame loves comparison because comparison keeps you feeling deficient. You look at someone else's confidence, their clarity, calling, beauty, marriage, motherhood, business, healing, or discipline, and suddenly your own life feels smaller. Shame might say, look at her, why aren't you there yet? Or see, everybody else is doing better, or you're behind, or you're lacking. And so, my sister, comparison is especially dangerous when shame is underneath it because it doesn't just make you admire someone else, it makes you question your own worth. Here's an example you might scroll, might be scrolling through social media for about five minutes and then end up feeling bad about your pace, your body, your home, your voice, or your progress. That's not random. That's the way shame can latch onto comparison and quietly steal your confidence. Here's another way. Shame makes you assume the worst about how others see you. This one is subtle, but it's powerful. Shame can make you walk into conversations, rooms, or relationships already expecting judgment. I know I have been there. So somebody is quiet and you assume they are upset with you. Somebody gives feedback and you hear it as rejection. Somebody does not respond right away, and you start feeling embarrassed. You share something vulnerable and then replay it for hours. Why? Because shame feels in the blanks negatively. It makes you assume they probably think I'm foolish or I say it too much, or I look stupid, or they can tell something is off about me. It makes us make those assumptions. And living like that will wear your confidence down fast because you are not just having the conversation, you are carrying a whole layer of imagined judgment on top of it. And then number five, shame makes you hesitate when it is time to move forward. This is the fifth way, and it is such an important one. Shame makes you pause too long at the doorway of your next step. Not because you do not care, not because you do not want to grow, but because shame says, what if you fall? What if people remember your past? What if you are not really ready? What if you embarrass yourself? What if you try and it doesn't work? So you delay, you stall, you keep researching, you keep rethinking, you keep waiting to feel more certain, more polished, more healed, more ready. And so, my sister, sometimes wisdom waits, but sometimes shame stalls. And it is so important to know the difference. So let's pause here and look at one significant perspective that ties all five of these together. Shame creates a self-protective mindset. So when shame has been active in your life, your mind starts scanning for danger in everyday situations. It looks for possible embarrassment or possible rejection, possible failure, or possible exposure or criticism. And the result is that your confidence gets replaced by caution, tension, and self-monitoring. And you begin managing yourself instead of trusting God with your next step. That is exhausting. It is like your inner world is always bracing. And when you live braced long enough, you can mistake that for wisdom. But sometimes it is not wisdom. Sometimes it is shame wearing caution as a costume. So what does God say about this issue? God does not build his daughters through shame. If you've been listening to these episodes, I'm sure you know that by now. He does not strengthen you by humiliating you, he does not lead us by constantly reminding us of what is wrong with us. He does not call us forward just to leave us unsupported. God's word says He has not given us the spirit of fear. That means the fearful, shame soaked voice that keeps trying to make you smaller, quieter, more doubtful, and more hesitant is not the voice you have to live under. God speaks with truth. God speaks with clarity, God speaks with conviction when needed, but He does not speak with the crushing tone of shame. And that matters deeply. So why does this matter for our self-love walk? Because shame-based confidence issues do not just affect your mindset. They affect how you live, they affect how you speak, how you pray, how you love, how you lead, how you receive opportunities, how you receive rest, how you receive being seen. And if you're not aware of it, shame can make you keep abandoning yourself in small, everyday ways. But healthy, biblical self-love means you stop partnering with the voice that keeps tearing you down. It means you let God teach you a different way to stand, a different way to speak, a different way to see yourself, not with arrogance, but with groundedness, with truth, with peace. So how do we apply this? Start by noticing which of these five ways hits closest to home. Is it over apologizing, distrusting your growth, comparing, assuming judgment, or hesitating at your next step? Pick the one that shows up most often right now. Then I want you to ask, what fear is underneath this? Because 2 Timothy 1 7 tells us fear is not what God gave you. So if the pattern is rooted in fear, shame, and self-protection, then you do not have to keep calling it your personality. You can begin challenging it. For example, if you overapologize, practice replacing one sorry with thank you. Instead of sorry, I'm getting back to you, say thank you for your patience. If you distrust your growth, remind yourself with God's help, I am not where I used to be. If you compare, pause the scrolling and ask, what is true about? My journey right now. If you assume judgment, challenge that thought and maybe say, I do not have enough evidence to condemn myself. If you hesitate at your next step, ask, is this wisdom? Or am I waiting because shame wants me frozen? Then weave in your anchor scripture. For God have not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. That verse is not just pretty, it is practical. It helps us interrupt the shame spiral and come back to truth. And so, my friend, this is where journaling becomes so powerful. Because journaling helps you identify patterns you may have been living out automatically. Once it is on paper, you can stop just feeling it and start naming it. So I want you to grab your journal and let this be honest, not polished, not performative, just honest. So at the top of your journaling page, I want you to write this God, show me how shame has been stealing my confidence. And be honest here. Now, here is your one clear journaling prompt. Which of these five ways shows up most in my life right now? And what truth from God do I need in that place? And this is how we invite God into our journaling. For example, it could sound like this shame has been stealing my confidence through comparison. I keep feeling behind when I look at other people. The truth I need is that God has not given me the spirit of fear, and my journey does not need to look like someone else's to still have value. So take some time. Write what God is bringing into your heart. You might write about which pattern shows up most or what situations trigger it, what fear sits underneath it, or what truth God wants to build in his place. Sometimes we need to get quiet so we can hear from God what He is wanting to show us. And here is the healthy perspective I want to leave with you while you write. Confidence grows when you stop agreeing with shame in small everyday moments. That's when confidence grows. So here's our action step for the week that I want you to think about. I want you to do one confidence rebuilding response each day. Just one. When shame shows up in one of these five ways, respond differently on purpose, intentionally. One day, do not overapologize. One day, write down one way you have grown. Maybe another day, get off the app instead of comparing. Maybe challenge an assumption instead of condemning yourself. Challenge it. One day, maybe take the next small step instead of delaying. For example, if you notice yourself hesitating to send an email, share an idea, make the call, or say what you need, pause and say, God has not given me the spirit of fear, then do the next small step. That is how confidence rebuilds, not always in giant leaps, often in quiet, brave choices. So, my sister, if shame has been stealing your confidence, I want you to hear this plainly and clearly. You are not failing because confidence feels harder right now. You are not weak because you've been second guessing yourself. And you are not disqualified because shame has been lowed. You are learning. We are learning to recognize what has been shaping us. You are learning to name what has been draining you, and you are learning to return to truth. And God honors that. You did the hard work today. That takes courage. And before we close, I want to pray over the places where your confidence has been worn down little by little because God knows how to rebuild what shame has been trying to drain. So, Father God, I just pray over my sisters here right now. You see every place where shame has been stealing her confidence in her thoughts, her voice, her decisions, and her next steps. Remind her that your word says, For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Help her recognize the patterns that are not from you. Strengthen her where she has felt hesitant. Quiet the fear that has been ruling her and teach her to move forward with steady trust in you. In Jesus' name, amen. And so, my friend, thank you so much for joining me for this episode. But before you hop off, if you are in a healing season, working on self-love or learning how to journal with God, I want you to go ahead and follow this podcast so you don't have to hunt for it every week. And if you want a little weekly boost, like journaling tips, faith field encouragement, and a gentle You're not alone in your inbox, come join my self-love journaling newsletter. All the information will be down in the show notes. So I just want to thank you for spending this time with me. Remember, every open journal is an invitation for God to move. Until next time, keep rising, keep journaling, and keep becoming who God made you to be.