Friendships: Pros no Cons

Navigating the complexities of friendships, this episode highlights the evolving nature of connections in our lives. Through statistics, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions, we reflect on how to maintain and cherish these vital relationships in our journey.
• Exploring personal reflections on work-life balance
• Discussing recent statistics on close friendships
• Analyzing gender differences in friend retention
• Highlighting the health benefits of lasting friendships
• Understanding what makes friendships endure
• Sharing a challenge to reconnect with friends
• Encouraging appreciation for valuable connections

References:
The State of American Friendship: Change, Challenges, and Loss - The Survey Center on American Life

Decades of Research Shows Friends Help You Live a Happier, Healthier, and Longer Life, With a (Very Large) Catch

What Makes a Friendship Last Forever? | TIME

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:04

How's it going everyone? Welcome to Leo's Liberation. I'm your host, dre, and welcome to your Friday. You've conquered another week and, whether it went well or not so well, you're still here and that's what matters. So it looks like some of us are actually getting ready for round two of a snowy weekend and unfortunately I have to work this weekend. So I spent last night basically packing and prepping um, since I'll be gone for the duration of the weekend, and you know that's always a fun way to spend a few days off um. But you know, the only good thing that I do enjoy is the people that I'll be there with um. You know, some weekends are great, some weekends not so great, but I'm having a feeling that we'll probably have a good weekend this weekend.

Speaker 1 0:43

With the snow and all Things like that tend to kind of bring people a little bit closer together, isn't it funny? But you know, the good thing also is that it breaks the monotony of life a little bit when you get that change. I'm not sure how many of you feel that way If you work more than one job, I'm not sure if you feel that way, but you know, I'm just trying to shine light on what would probably be considered a very dim situation. But you know I am thankful and hopefully you're thankful as well that you're able to still work and provide what you can for yourself and your family. So I did have a brief exchange with a co-worker this week and you know the whole, you know the whole haven't talked to you in a month of Sundays kind of thing, just catching up as quick as you can so you both can go about your business. I asked him about his holidays. That's just kind of one of those things at the beginning that you tend to still ask about that stuff because you haven't seen somebody since then. But you know he said they were good but he wanted to spend the holiday differently than the way his family wanted to. He was hoping for a quiet, let me sit there and enjoy peacefully rotting kind of holiday, which I kind of had to agree.

Speaker 1 1:46

Sometimes those are the best and there's nothing worse than having time off and feeling overwhelmed from having so much to do when in actuality you can let it sit and let future you worry about it. So you know I do love saying that I'll let future me worry about that, and the first time I ever heard that was it was on a work trip to California and one of the team members said it constantly that was, like her, her life motto and it was a way to basically not worry about things in the present that you couldn't control or maybe may cause you stress and you just maybe just kind of want to let things happen. But I adopted that and used it when it suited me best. And obviously, back in the day you know this is probably had to be, at least I don't know almost 10 years ago, but it was a more of an excuse to drink heavily and the answer was I'll let future me worry about it. But holy hell, uh, the future me hate that guy from the night before. Um, cause, that guy from the night before caused a lot of damage. So I will definitely say fun times. Uh, yay for youth. Um, I'm not even sure if I could be considered in my youth, if I was in my mid thirties. I'm not really sure how that works out, but yeah, I'll still say it was young, cause I obviously felt it helped a lot younger back then than I do now.

Speaker 1 2:55

Um, so basically, you know I did have a few thoughts run through this crazy house called my brain this week and, um, first day back to work this week sucked total ass. I can't say that enough, but it was completely horrible. You know, I started the day off, woke up, I wasn't even bothered by having to shovel my way out of the driveway, I was pretty motivated to go back to work. Because you know you still have that I was on vacation, energy, and you know, on my way to work, singing in the car, all this good stuff, and you know, when you get there, that's when you realize you're out of the loop. You've been out of the loop for however long you took the vacation I mean, for some of us two days is long enough and you come back to a stack of emails and craziness, um, but you know, I realized I was out of the loop and you briefly kind of feel like an outsider for a quick second. So, so yeah, the game of catch up that's the one thing that can test you is when you're trying to play catch up and you know, kudos to me.

Speaker 1 3:47

I will say that I didn't allow these things to affect me. I kind of ignored a lot of the BS, the drama and that sense of urgency to reintegrate. I reintegrated at my own pace. Don't get me wrong. I got it done by the end of the day, but it was at my own pace and I'm much happier. I case may be, you know, feel free to give that a try. It's not a mad dash to reconform to office standards. You know, take your time doing so, figure things out, take it slow. Anyhow, you know that's not what we're looking to talk about this Friday.

Speaker 1 4:24

So, friendships for those of us that have them, this doesn't mean that you know folks who don't have them don't have friends. They just don't hold on to people long enough to make those connections, and there are people like that in the world. I'm always curious, though, as I was kind of reading through and doing the research, I'm always curious where these statistical surveys happen and why in the world haven't I received one yet. I did read somewhere, as I was kind of going through all the fluff. I did read somewhere that seven years was the average time for most friendships. But I find this one kind of hard to believe or even buy into. I have faith that people can communicate and grow together for more than seven years. You know you may grow apart, but as you age sometimes those friendships rekindle and sometimes you just kind of grow apart because you need room to grow. That's what we do as people. We grow constantly.

Speaker 1 5:12

So, you know, I think we'll go ahead and get this thing started and I think we'll go ahead and start with, basically, the American Survey Center stats, and this is from 2021, when COVID was still alive and well. And, don't worry, I do have an article from 2024. Nothing from 2025 because, well, it just started. So I have this. I have a feeling that this is going to be the year of the friend. I feel it. I have a feeling this is where friendships will flourish this year, for some odd reason Don't ask me why, it's just in the air. But anyway, I digress. So the American Survey Center's article from 2021, during the pandemic. So I guess this is when people found the time to complete surveys, or they had the time to do it because you really had nothing else to do. And I still have no idea where to find these things. I guess I need to look a little bit harder and do a little bit better at my research, I suppose.

Speaker 1 6:07

So the survey kind of pointed out numbers and I just kind of pull the numbers just to kind of give you an idea. I didn't really go through it. You know I'm not really going to recite the entire article for you, but I'm pretty sure you can paint a picture in your head. But 49% of Americans reported having about three or fewer close friends, 36% having several and 12% having no close friends at all. And apparently this 12% is a jump from 1990, which was only 3% back then. But you obviously have to give credit to, I guess, the internet, which has increased our ability to socialize at a distance. You know, it's not like the 90s where you had that, the whole Yahoo thing, and in the 90s you had the AOL and people were just learning the internet and things were slow with the, you know, the DSL line connections and things like that. Gosh, it was a horrible sound, but things have progressed. So I think obviously that's why there's a jump in this and I'm pretty sure if you do this survey 20 years from now it'll be a larger spike. But anyway, 1990, a wonderful and confusing time, however.

Speaker 1 7:05

So according to the survey, men tend to hold on to friends much longer than women do, don't know why. So, women, when you think your husband or your boyfriend doesn't have friends, think again. He's most likely keeping the precious few that he trusts hidden. Everything isn't for sharing sometimes. Sometimes you just want those connections that you don't have to share and if you're in a relationship, everybody knows you end up sharing friends to some extent. But he's most likely keeping the precious few hidden and you know these are most likely. You know his ride or die kind of fellas. You know the ones that will without question join him in a bar brawl just because that's what you're supposed to do, and you know you got to love that tribal mindset but anyway, you know. Lastly, about two thirds of Americans still keep up with their childhood friend or friends.

Speaker 1 7:59

I think Inccom posted an article detailing the health benefits from friendships. So you know, keep in mind, you know we made it this far because of that tribal or community mindset, basically sticking together and getting things done. That's how we've made it this far. Socialization is the key, I think, and I can't remember where I saw this, but there, apparently, and I think it may have been on YouTube. I can't recall and I'll see if I can find and actually get the link in there for you guys.

Speaker 1 8:19

But I recall reading or seeing something about a village in Japan where, when you're born, you have like basically a life partner that you're kind of assigned to at some point in your early years of life, and this is a person that you know they're not meant to be your romantic significant other or the person that you procreate with. This is basically just your friend, this is your person to help you combat loneliness as you age. But also, you know, I think this contributes to a longer life and apparently these people live exceptionally long and happy lives because they have that childhood buddy that you know kind of understands them better than nobody else. So you know, moving on to the next one, their Time magazine had an article published back in August of 24. And this one kind of keyed in on what possibly makes friendships last longer. And it's definitely not the opposite of track. That works for romantic relationships, but in a friendship maybe not so much.

Speaker 1 9:15

So finding someone with like interests and personalities and mindsets is usually the key, and I'm not saying this is true for everyone. Some of us like that little bit of kink in our friendship personas, and I'm not saying this is true for everyone. Some of us like that little bit of kink in our friendship personas. But the relationships in technology lab at the University of Kansas suggest that people need to spend a lot of time together, approximately 300 hours to form that bond. People who share their souls, their soul secrets, tend to form tighter bonds. Obviously you share those deep and darkest with somebody. You're definitely going to probably be besties If there's anyone that's in the military that's listening to this, this is something that normally happens on deployment sometimes, but it is a very quick way to get to know each other and, plus, you spend so much time together.

Speaker 1 9:56

But you know these men and women truly become, you know, your confidant, your best friend, your family, and I mean hell, some of them will come to know you better than your family, depending on your experiences together while you're deployed. But those deployments do bring about those bonds, which is why normally for military folks, you kind of see that it's hard for them to find that camaraderie and replace it once they actually get out, because it's just kind of hard to find those bonding moments like that. So you know, as we quickly covered the basics here, folks, which I always tend to do, I'd say you know whether you have a childhood buddy, you know those friends that are, you know that ride or die type and you know or they're in it for the long haul, or even if you consider yourself not having any real friends, just people you know that come in and out of your life. Take a moment and appreciate each of those connections you know. For the precious few that have stuck it out with you, I can only say be extremely thankful. Life gives us lots of gifts on a daily basis, but a true friend is that one gift that is hard to find and even harder to replace for most of us.

Appreciating Close Relationships

Speaker 1 10:53

If someone exits your life based on, you know, maybe, their purge for this year, or you know they need space to grow and have new experiences, don't take it personal. Okay, you know my challenge for you guys. And have new experiences. Don't take it personal. Okay, my challenge for you guys. Basically, this weekend, have a snow fight with your friend no, just kidding. Actually, maybe I'm not kidding, I don't know. The challenge, basically, is definitely reach out to a friend that you haven't spoken to in a long time. Don't text them, don't DM them, call them, catch up and check in on them. You, uh, you know what good that call will do for that person.

Speaker 1 11:25

If your best bud is hanging with you this weekend, look to know how much you appreciate him. If that person is your significant other, that counts too. Um, some people say their spouse or significant other is their best friend and the only friend they need. So you know that does happen in the world. Um, but you know, here we are again, folks. I'm dre and I'm signing off from another episode of Leo's Liberation. Take care of yourself and each other. Talk with you guys on Monday and please follow me on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast on, and give me a like, a rating or, even better, leave me a few comments. You can find me on Facebook under Leo Liberated, and I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions. Have a great weekend and stay warm, folks. Thank you.