Freeing Yourself from the Shadow of Regret

Have you ever found yourself haunted by the lingering shadows of regret, wondering how life might have unfolded differently with just one altered decision? Join me, Dre, as I share personal anecdotes from various stages of my life, each marked by the unmistakable pang of regret. From youthful missteps to the choices that weigh on us as adults, this episode of Leo's Liberation unpacks the multifaceted emotions tied to regret. We explore how these experiences can lead to feelings of sadness or even depression, and draw whimsical parallels to those old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, where each choice seemed as monumental as the last. Regret, whether over a disappointing sports season or letting toxic influences back in, is a shared human experience.

In this candid exploration, we don't just stop at the pain of regret. We discuss the transformative potential of self-reflection and the power of change that lies within reach. Through the "what if" scenarios we all entertain, I invite you to consider your own regrets and current circumstances, emphasizing that while regrets may linger, they need not dictate your life's path. Whether you're confronting regrets head-on or finding solace in the shared nature of these feelings, this episode encourages a journey of personal growth and liberation. Tune in for an honest conversation that highlights both the burdens and the possibilities inherent in the choices we've made.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:07

Have you ever looked back on your life and viewed it with regrets? Not superficial regret, but deep, soul-burning regret? If I'd only done this, life may have been this way. Most people do not have a sense of regret until they are preparing to meet their end. Some people spend their whole life trying to balance out the consequences of every action and decision, while others go on and live and let life happen. Welcome to Leo's Liberation. I'm your host, dre, and happy Monday. I hope that your weekend went well and that you're ready to kick off the week focused on expansion of self.

Speaker 1 0:37

So regrets. I can't count how many times in my youth, teens, 20s, 30s I'm not going to date myself, you know but how many times in my youth that I felt the miserable, dreaded, looming cloud of regret. Some days it was in and out, you know it was over and done with. Other days it lingered and it stayed with me for days, weeks, months, depending on how bad the situation was or what the loss was. Regret looks different for everyone. Some people regret putting themselves through that pain staking affair watching Regret looks different for everyone. Some people regret putting themselves through that pain staking affair watching their favorite team lose and progressively have a crappy season. Some people regret letting that one toxic individual or have it back into their lives, but only if they could quit this person or have it. I'm not going to make a Brokeback Mountain reference. I actually had a clip on the side, but I'm not going to play it. So regret can lead to a variety of emotions and thoughts. Obviously, the most common one that some people could imagine would be sadness or depression. And you know, based on the outcome of the preceding situation, obviously it could be worse or it could just be nothing. Either way, you have it, regret hurts.

Speaker 1 1:35

Crazy thing is can you imagine when you were a child and you read those choose your own adventure books? Imagine if, once the decision decision was made, the pages prior to burned away and there was no way of going back. You know, I could only imagine the trauma a child would feel being stuck with that decision. How long would that decision stay with them? Or you know how badly would it affect them, depending on how one, how you know, involved they were with the story, because you know some kids, especially being children, you have trouble processing that emotion. But I can only imagine if that's actually what happened as you read the book it's like, I would imagine, would actually probably add some level of stress. As you know, the pages are burning away, so you probably would spend more time on one page versus just flipping through knowing, hey, there's not really any true regret, this is just a game. So you know and I will say on the side note that I think there was a buttload of those books, the Choose your Own Adventure books. As a child, you know they were kind of pretty engaging short reads, but not sure if they were truly designed to assist with the development of decision making skills, but you know they were fun nonetheless. So you know, there was a time, before the Internet ruled the world, imagination actually did a lot of things for us.

Speaker 1 2:43

Ok, so I'm done dating myself. I'm done actually. Uh, you know, moving away from the topic, so we're gonna go back to it anyway. Back to the horrible feeling of regret. Um, I've had my share of regrets in life. As I look back, I hold onto a couple, but they don't Lord over my existence. Do I visit the what if barrel every now and then? Of course, that's self-reflection and's key, for me at least.

Speaker 1 3:03

So I looked around to find out what were the most common regrets and during my search it was funny that people who were not on their deathbed have the. They kind of have the ability to change what it is they're regretting. It's almost kind of jokish in a sense, but actually be surprised. Some people may be deeply affected by that, but, you know, maybe they feel there's no way out. You know, maybe they feel there's no way out. You know, maybe they have kids. They just feel like, you know, this is their life now and they're just dealing with it. Or maybe they just kind of you know, it was in the past and that's where it's going to stay. I don't care, you know, I prefer to look at, look at the regrets of the elderly and those that are on their deathbed or people who've had near death experiences. I think those are people who've had near-death experiences. I think those are the people who actually have a different perspective on life. If you've never actually listened to or read up on near-death experiences, also called NDEs, the perspectives are actually pretty fascinating. Pretty much similar all of them, but pretty fascinating and somewhat enlightening actually. So I mean, I definitely encourage you to go on YouTube or wherever, get an audiobook or something and just listen to some of the stories people have to tell, but it will definitely kind of change your perspective on, I think, death and basically maybe how you live life a little bit, just to either slow it down or speed it up, depending on where you're sitting at.

Speaker 1 4:15

So so back to the topic yet again. So there was a book by Bonnie Ware and it was called the Top Five Regrets of the Dying A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. And the top five regrets do not stretch far from the more common regrets reported by hospice nurses, doctors, family members and so on. Down that list here briefly and just kind of cover each one really quick and then obviously, yeah, we'll move into our challenge then.

Speaker 1 4:47

So regret number one was I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I think a lot of us can probably, probably, uh, agree to agree with this to some extent. Uh, you know, I think we kind of talked about a podcast a while back where you know you have those free spirits but not all of us are allowed to be free. But you know, see, today you know you only get to live this life once. You don't get any redos, or maybe you do, I don't know. Crazy thing is we don't find out until the end, but definitely live life to the fullest, if possible.

Speaker 1 5:15

Regret number two I wish I hadn't worked so hard. So this is pretty much the world nowadays, because you know, we're in this 24 hour machine, as I like to call it, and too many of us actually live to work versus working to live. You know work, work is transactional. You go there and you actually provide the labor and they pay you to do that. It's a transaction that's between you and that employer and I say this to remind myself as well, but to let you know your employer should not have control over your time outside of that business, even on your lunch breaks. Take that stuff back. There's no need in you sitting there pushing and pushing and pressing away and you're just missing out on life when you know there's things you probably want to do. You're probably missing your kids' events, missing family events, things like that. Now, if you're in the military, you have to deploy, or your job demands a police officer, public safety member, doctor, things like that. I totally get it. Sometimes, yes, your job has to dictate for the greater good, but remember, take, take that time out for yourself.

Speaker 1 6:17

So regret number three I wish I had the courage to express my feelings Yet again. Something else I think we've already hit on before, but you know, say how you feel, people don't hold it in. I actually think I heard somewhere once before it causes ulcers, I don't know. I try to be, as you know, forward with my thoughts as possible, but respectful in the same sense, because I think one of the things that happens is most people mistaken this for being rude or, you know, obstinately outspoken. So no, you know, you're just speaking and communicating, so just basically speak your thoughts and just move on with life. If they have a problem with it, then that's going to be their problem to deal with. I guess that'll be one of their regrets, so learning to basically accept other people's opinions and thoughts, I guess.

Speaker 1 7:05

So regret number four I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends, and I would say not just friends, but family members too. You know, phone calls don't have to be an hour long or they don't have to be more than five minutes long. You know, I look at some of the especially the male relatives in my family. You know, I look at some of the especially the male relatives in my family. Um, you know, fathers, grandfathers, things like that. You know the phone conversations are not going to last long, I can guarantee you that. So, like, just say what you got to say and let's hang up. But you know you're still making that contact. But it can be a simple call to say hello, how are you? Or you know, I just wanted to call and you know, just don't, don't, don't think everything has to be so superly involved, but you can still reach out for a quick second and show that you care.

Speaker 1 7:40

So, regret number five I wish I had let myself be happier. I say this time and time again and I'm still working and practicing it myself. So you know, control what you let into your bubble. That is, I think, the best path to happiness. Basically, you can control what's within your space and you don't have to kind of run the world or save it. Just control what you can and I think that ultimately will lead to happiness and less for you to worry about.

Speaker 1 8:05

So you know these, these five regrets pretty much summarize the other reported or similar regrets that I found. Obviously, wasting time is one of them, and I think you know, I think they seem to be most, or the wasting time. One seems to be the most prevalent um and the most common one. Obviously, you know, obviously, cause you're out of time at that point. So, yeah, you feel like you probably wasted a lot, but you know, living in fear and not taking risks and exploring Um, I would say, if you're living in fear and not taking risks, I would definitely say you know, get out, didn't get, didn't make it this far by playing it safe.

Speaker 1 8:36

So and I think the other one there was worrying about what could be versus what is so you know you're too focused on the future. Oh my gosh, if I do this, you know this may happen. You know, just just do it. You know, like I said, like I said before, just let future. You worry about that, just do it. So you know, and I know you guys are probably thinking like you know, wow, dre, why are you talking about? Why are you talking about something so dark for Monday? Well, you know what it's a Monday and most people kind of are in a dark mood anyway because you have to go back to work. Let's be honest about that.

Speaker 1 9:07

So most people start their week off dreading the present and most people fail to take a second to be thankful that they, you know, open their eyes and they have the strength and mental acuity to actually start and get through the day or the week. So, every Monday or every day that we don't take advantage of and try to live and enjoy life to the fullest, we create another regret, which will most likely be similar to the ones, the regrets that we listed before just now, or those five regrets, or even some of the more common ones. So, you know, we create another regret to basically whisper to someone right before we take our final breath. Yeah, that sounds pretty crappy, right? So moving into the challenge, guys. So the challenge if you have any regrets in your life that can be reversed, worked on, empower you or just simply improve your quality of life today and beyond, think about it and plan to put things into motion, starting this week, to either eliminate that regret and just move on with life or fix it, if you feel like there's a way to do so. But let's put that into motion this week.

Speaker 1 10:07

And you know, if you're, you know for an example, basically, if you're in a miserable relationship and you're just, you're just there going through the motions with no benefit for either of you talk it out and make the decision. Fear has most likely gripped both of you, not just one of you, but fear has both of you in most cases, and there's a certain level of dependence that makes you scared to leave that person or move on and venture out, but especially if you've been with this person for some time. But there's a little bit of fear there. So, um, I would definitely say you know the history between you two. You know, I would just say you know, support each other and allow space to venture out and discover what's in the present. And you know, love each other. You know you'll love each other more, actually for allowing the other person to have the opportunity to do this and vice versa.

Speaker 1 10:52

And you know, this is just an example, but a reality that many people endure. And this can be, this can actually apply to anything. You know an employer, a habit, you know, toxic family situations, anything that can negatively impact you or prevent you from growing or those around you that are in that bubble with you from growing. So you know, don't allow misery to be. Your company is basically the. You know, long story short.

Speaker 1 11:15

So, before letting you guys go, I'll be here again on Wednesday this week and then Friday to close out a little mini series, if you will, posting links to some of the things spoken about today and looking forward to the first half of February, as we cover everything circulating around love, relationships, the sex, looking forward to this one. You know Valentine's Day is coming. I know some folks don't like it cause it's commercialized, but you know, whatever you do, you Um. So here we are, folks. I'm Dre. I'm going to go ahead and sign off from another episode of Leo's liberation. Take care of yourself and each other, and you can find me at Leo's liberationbuzzsproutcom, or Leo liberated on Facebook, or Leo underscore liberate on X and Leo's underscore liberation on Instagram. Please follow me on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast on and give me a like, rating or leave a comment for me to grow on, and I'll be talking with you guys here on Wednesday and Friday. So have a safe and happy Monday and start to your week and enjoy you.