Gabriella Rebranded

5 l The Boob Bleed Episode

• Gabriella Tranchina • Season 1 • Episode 5

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I have had four sets of boobs in my lifetime. This tetralogy has taught me a thing or two about life, growth, self-forgiveness, redemption, shame, love, persistence, patience, healing - my tits have taught me a lot about a lot of important things. Life lessons can come from yitties? Yes, yes they can. Listen if you would like to learn, listen if you're curious, or  listen because ya just need to know how tf a person can have four sets of boobs and string the saga together together to reflect spirituality. 

Win most, lose some...lost a lot of tit, gained more tit


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When I say that I lost everything, I lost all parts of myself, like I even lost my boobs when I was hit by a car. Like I truly lost everything.


Almost dying taught me how to live. Being struck by a car left me in a three and a half week coma with 15 broken bones and 16 surgeries to complete, including brain surgery. However, I woke up from that coma in an even greater place than I ever saw myself, how? The universe will guide you out of the darkness and into the light if you allow it. Often spirituality comes off as too high -brow. I'm not about that. Welcome to the podcast that talks and teaches about it through the lens of humor. Together, we'll harness positive energy and use it to work with the universe, all while giggling the entire time. Welcome to Gabriella rebranded, when most lose some.


 Last episode, it was the life coaching episode and I was all like comfy, cozy, and my sweats set and this week I'm done up all, all nice. Welcome back to Gabriella Rebranded. I'm really excited for today's episode. Before we get into it, I want to start you guys off with my spiritual moment of the week and my recommendation. So my recommendation that I'm going to give you guys today is the comedian Daniel Sloss. He's a Scottish comedian and he, he structures his comedy, but his like sets in a very interesting way. So the first half is like regular standup. He just, you know, talks about whatever it is he's He's gonna talk about makes us giggle makes us laugh and then the second half of his stand -up He tells one story and it's like 30 minutes one story and within the story There is lots of jokes and I really appreciate it because I think my Humor is a bit the same way like I kind of tell one story that story has 12 Tangents and 15 other stories like you will see today and Throughout it all, it's he, he, he, but the main reason and why I'm recommending him to you is his stand of special on Netflix, Dark. That's the one I'm recommending, Dark. It's called Dark because he is often, often reviewers and fans and whatever, they say he's a dark comedian, he has dark humor. He doesn't himself in that way because he says, it's, it's not dark. It's just my life. All his stories are true. And he's like, it's just my life. I'm just talking about my life. It's not dark. It's my life. And I feel, I really relate to that

as it pertains to what I do and sort of how I speak and how I live. And all the time I make jokes about something pertaining to my injuries, some sort of self deprecating comment pertaining to either my injuries, my time in the hospital, how I had half a brain, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. And sometimes people like my mom will like be a little like, and like, you shouldn't say that about yourself. You don't know how many times I've gotten talks about how I shouldn't say that about myself. No, it's my life. I could say whatever I want to say about it. Like it's my disability, it's my brain, it's my life. If I'm comfortable saying it, I'm comfortable saying it. And that's why I'm not afraid to go too far or be too graphic because it's just my life. It's just my life. So for that reason, I really resonate with Daniel Sloss. He really inspires me. Fully believe that laughter is the best medicine. Like, I was funny before I got her, but like, not to this level. I wasn't constantly talking in bits. And laughter is truly the best medicine. That's why a lot of comedians, I'm not a comedian, obviously. But that's why a lot of comedians, if you look into them, have really fucked up lives. Laughter is truly the best medicine. It is how we cope, it is how we navigate. So I'm recommending you guys Dark, Daniel Sloss, and it's on Netflix.



And as for my spiritual moment of the week, this is half a spiritual moment and it's half a healing, like my recovery healing moment. And I think that's important to talk about too. And this week, I was filming an episode for The Bold and the Beautiful. I have a recurring co -star on there. I dropped my agent, as you guys know, but they wanted me to come back. So my old agent called me and she was like their money to come back and I was like, yeah, I'll go back I'll I'll film for a day. Like I still like acting like it's not like that's something I hate now No, I still love acting and I love being on the set. So I went had a day. It was great Every actor knows you take your jewelry off Before you get to set unless specified. Otherwise you take your jewelry off unless they tell you to like bring certain jewelry or wear certain jewelry, you take your jewelry off. That's like a cardinal rule of acting. And I, after I got hurt, my fine motor skills became terrible. And I always wear the same jewelry. Like if you look at me in every episode, I will always be wearing the exact same stuff. I never take this stuff off. I've had this ring and this bracelet since I was 13. Like I never take my jewelry off. It is there for a long time. And so now when I've taped in the past since my accident, the night before I struggled to get my jewelry off, it's really hard. I need someone to come over and help me. And it can be a night of tears. It can be a night of stress, trying to like take my jewelry off by myself and then coordinating to have someone come over and help me take it off. My mom has always said to me, "Why don't you just ask the constant people when you get there to take your jewelry off?" But I like a lot of people with disabilities and brain injuries have become a people pleaser because I'm so used to having all these conditions and all these weird things that need to be accommodated and feel bad about it. And no one makes me feel bad. Well, actually, sometimes people make me feel bad, but for the most part, it's me making myself feel bad. But you can feel like such a burden after having an event as extreme as mine and having now all these restrictions and all these accommodations. You can feel like a burden, like a turn down, like you're just generally making the mood worse and you need all these extra things that the other people don't need. So I never wanted to ask the costume people to take my jewelry off and I wanted to show up to set as prepared as possible, be the best actor, I could be just show up and be ready to go. So I would be like, no mom, I cannot ask the costume people to take my jewelry off and I would be so about it and tears, and hours of stress, and getting people to come over, blah, blah, blah. It was a whole thing. Anyway, I go to film this past week, and when I get to set, and I look in the mirror, I realize that I forgot to take all my jewelry off. I guess it's because I haven't been as focused on acting, it just like slipped my mind, and I totally forgot to take my jewelry off, which a year ago that would have made me lose my mind. I would have called my mom sobbing. This time I did radical acceptance. I saw that I forgot to take my jewelry off and I was just like, oh, I forgot to take my jewelry off. I took off what I could and what I couldn't take off. I just went to the costume people and were like, Hey, "Can you take this off for me?" And they were like, "Yeah, sure." And it was a totally normal experience. And that sounds like nothing, but for me, that is huge. It was truly radical acceptance of the situation. And my two bracelets can be really\ hard to take off and they're really difficult to take off. And like, fun story about this bracelet. So this is a Cartier love bracelet that I bought for myself. I saved up for it since I was 16 and I was able to get it when I graduated college. I'd finally collected enough money. I had an envelope that said Cartier bracelet fund that I was like putting extras money and savings I had since I was 16 and I finally got it. Well, when I, the yeet happened and they brought me into the ER, you need a special screwdriver to take it off and they totally did not realize or they couldn't they didn't have the screwdriver they like yanked and tore and fucked up the bracelet and it was all bent out of shape which I thought was weird because I went to Cedars side I am Beverly Hills and I know I can't be the first person that's been brought into the ER Beverly Hills with the Cartier Love bracelet so I thought they would like you know have a little bit of criteria and a protocol to get that off but they didn't. The bracelet was destroyed so my mom I was in a coma at this point took it to Cartier to have them fix it she literally took my bracelet out of like the hospital bag like her hand was shaking people around her were staring at her like oh my god she rolled up to the Cartier in Beverly Hills with like the hospital bag and is like reaching it She gives them the

bracelet. It's too damaged for them to fix. They send it to New York. Too damaged for New York to fix. They send it to Paris. Too damaged for Paris to fix. They decide to make me an entirely new one. And instead of just sending me one they already had, they wanted to like keep the serial number, to like keep the specialness. So they melted my down, use the same gold, put the serial number in, it took them nine months to give me this bracelet back, literally my brain healed faster. They finally give me the bracelet back and they tell me that it takes so long because they wanted it to be special, blah, blah, blah. And in my head, I'm like, that's really sweet, but I have no idea what my serial number was and like they could have given me a brand new bracelet and been like, it has the same serial number And I would have been like great. I would not have known but I recently told that story to someone and their first Response when I told them that they had to reshape the bracelet and I kept the serial number was oh So you got

to keep the serial number that that's amazing So Cartier knows their clientele because apparently some clientele some customers really cared about that I'm not one of those people, but I guess it's a common thing. So when I get to set and I realized that there's this issue with the jewelry, I asked them like, "Hey, do you have something "I can cover this with?" And like, I was wearing a short sleeve shirt. I play nurse in a hospital, so my uniform is short sleeve or my costume is short sleeve. And I was like, or maybe I can wear like a long sleeve white tee under the short sleeve scrubs. And they were Like, ‘oh no, we have a bracelet for those. Like, lots of people have those.’ And I was like, ‘oh really? That's interesting. The Cedar Sinai ER does not.’ But I was able to take my bracelet off and it was just this acceptance. I didn't resist at all. I fully accepted the situation for what it was. I didn't stress myself out. I didn't get upset. I just rolled with it and all was well, all was well. I got my jewelry off. It was totally fine. I called my mom, like afterwards all proud of myself and she was like in awe because that is something that a year ago I would have, there would have been so many tears and screams over. So that was my spiritual and healing moment of the week of radical acceptance and not resisting and just working with what I had and finding great solutions to the problem. Creative solutions. Asking the people and they happen to have a screwdriver to take off my bracelet. Creative solutions. All right. We got that out of the way. 


So now we get to the fun part. This is the fun part. Getting my notes ready. But as you can see, we've already seen a little bit of the I throw 15 stories into one. Okay, so I wanted to tell this story because it's hilarious and making people laugh is my favorite thing in the world. A few months ago, I was at a breathwork event at my gym, HEIMAT. And these monthly breathwork events are a highlight of my month. Breathwork is a really beautiful way to connect with the body and ground yourself. I've had crazy spiritual experiences in breath work sessions. Each one is different. Each, no two sessions are like, but I've seen visions. I've hysterically laughed in some sessions. I've started balling in some sessions, just truly a really healing way to get in control in your brain. It helps her sleep. It really comes down the brain. Like cannot Cannot recommend breathwork enough and the instructor Lane Jaffe. Jaffe is spelt J. A. F. F. E. If you want to look him up. He's a Los Angeles based breathwork and he does yoga and he is Truly incredible. Um, he is such a pure soul. His job is to help people heal We all need to heal and I just Love being in his presence and I admire him so much he sometimes starts the sessions with asking us a question, and everyone goes around the room and answers the question. And a couple months ago or a few months ago at this point, the question that he asked was blank inspires me. And you had to go around the room and fill in the blank, no instructions other than that. So everybody's going around the room saying what inspires them, music inspires me, my little brother inspires me. Wicked part one inspires me. Like everyone's just going around saying that. And when it gets to me, I go, Kris Jenner inspires me. And that is a hundred percent true. Kris Jenner inspires me so much. Like I believe that, that Kris Jenner inspires me like two my bones, nine of which are metal. Businesswoman mother style icon entrepreneur like Kris Jenner has done it all like I look at her. Okay she Was divorced she had five talent list daughters No career experience other than being a flight attendant for a single year. She made multiple billion dollar franchises when she had absolutely nothing but five talentless daughters. That is a business woman and you cannot tell me otherwise. I will die on that hill. There are a lot of notes you can take from Kris Jenner. There is a lot about her that inspires me. One of my role models from creativity to dedication to family orientation to entrepreneurship. Just, I love that woman. Okay, brief tangent. See, that's story number like six. Brief tangent to back to the day of. So I said, "Kris Jenner inspires me and everyone in the room starts laughing." Except for my friend Liz who is next to me who just said, "Oh God,” love you, Liz. But everyone in the room starts laughing and that's it. That's What really inspires me making people laugh is what inspires me and I believe in doing the thing. I believe in action. I don't just believe in thoughts. I believe in committing to the bit, making people laugh inspires me. So I was going to make everybody laugh. Kris inspires me as well for making people laugh is what primarily inspires me. So that's why I said that and I did that. I made everyone laugh. I met everyone in that room crack up and dot. So that's why I want to tell the story because it has the potential to make people giggle, but I didn't know how exactly it was going to fit into the theme of the podcast. Like I didn't know how it spoke to spirituality and trauma. Like I wasn't exactly sure like where this story, what episode the story could make an appearance in. I'm a double fire sign, airy Aries, Sagittarius rising. So demanding people's attention, it's a birthright. Okay. I didn't ask to be this way. I was just born this way. Take it up with the stars. Demanding people's attention, making people laugh, birthright, case closed. So I was like, how is this story going to fit into an episode because it deserves an episode, and then it hit me. 


There is nothing more artful than the breast reduction to chest trauma to boob job pipeline. There is nothing more artful than that. And right now, I believe it is a character development and a plot development that is exclusive to me. If you were late, holler at me because no one likes to be alone like broken boobs and yittie implants unite like I would just like I'm all about uniqueness but I feel but you know companionship is a good thing and I haven't heard of anyone having something similar I've heard it the other way I've heard of people getting boob jobs and then breast reductions but I haven't heard it uh the breast reduction broken boobs boob job route so I'm curious. So if you are, if anyone is out there like has the same story, like let a girl know. When I woke up in the hospital, I found out that I had already had five surgeries and not one of them was a nose drop. Even though I deviated my septum, I didn't break a single bone in my nasal cavity. Like I didn't. And my body tends to defy physics as we know. So It didn't warrant a nose job. A deviated septum doesn't warrant a nose job. If anyone tells you that, they're fucking lying. A deviated septum, it didn't warrant a nose job. And my body defies physics. And sometimes that's a great thing, but other times it's fucking annoying, as was the case with not getting my nose job. But for what the nose lost, the boobs made up for kind of sort of, not at first, but eventually. 


And Let's rewind. Let's rewind. Let's rewind. Okay. We're back in 2010. All right. I hit puberty extremely early. I was a D or a double D. I'm not even sure in the sixth grade. Like I hit puberty like really, really early. And this was in 2009, 2010. So it was terrible because that was when girls were supposed to be as small as possible. And I was not that. I was the opposite of that. And my boobs added a thick layer to what would become my disordered eating. And as I got older, as I grew into my yitties, they got too big. They just kept going too much. I was a 30 F. Yes. And I wasn't even a 32 because I have this crazy small rib cage. I'm like a pretty petite person. Like my bones are very close together. So I wasn't even a 32. I was a 30. And then I was an F. So I had this teeny tiny narrow torso and then just these knockers. And it just, it didn't look right. Like it looked wrong. My body was disproportionate. I didn't like it. My back hurt. It wasn't a good time. Shopping for clothes was impossible, okay? Because it either fit my boobs but was too big on my torso or it fit my torso but was way too small on my boobs. Like shopping for bikinis, shopping for tops, even dresses, it was just impossible. All of it just like, it didn't work. And I would realize, do you remember when you're like a little kid and you have birthday parties and like, you know, people bring you presents, I would realize how much my boobs were throwing off people's perception of my size because again, I'm a small person. So I like wear a Small or and extra small in most things and people always, and this was when I was younger. This is when I was like 13. So I was younger and smaller. People would get me mediums and I was like, so I could tell that like It was just disorienting everything and I just looked like my body didn't fit and it was just incorrect and wrong. In May, 2016, I had my first surgery. It would not be my last. I had a breast reduction. I went from an F to a D. It was just in time to start college and I was able to start college with a new found sense of confidence. I'm finally feeling like my body fit, how I was supposed to fit and being able to shop, to wear strapless things. Oh my God, 'cause I could never wear strapless bra. My boobs are too big. I always needed straps and a supportive bra. So now I can wear strapless things. It was absolutely amazing. It was glorious. I was elated. 


And then a Nissan did a tap dance on my skeletal membrane and shit got fucked. I broke six ribs and by broke, I mean disintegrated, okay? I had to have my ribs plated with metal, which is a very, very, very controversial practice in the medical industry that is only done when it absolutely needs to be done, but my ribs were basically put through a food processor. That's how bad it was. My boob pointed in the wrong direction, and I think the boob pointing in the wrong direction really helped me meet the criteria for allowing to plate my ribs with metal. Either that or the pneumonia I contracted because my lung was so crushed. Oh, I contracted pneumonia and it was bad. They tried me on five antibiotics before they found one that worked. My body kept not responding to the antibiotics. It was really terrible. My family, my parents, they legitimately thought, oh, this This is gonna be a dark ironic twist of fate where the Nissan and the brain didn't kill her But the pneumonia that's what kills her like that's how bad it was But eventually the pneumonia ceased on antibiotic number five and I was able to get the ribs played with metal So we didn't have to go that route Or I didn't have to go that route who is we didn't have to go that route Basically, what happened is The brain injury got tired of not being the center of attention. So with antibiotic number five, it kicked the pneumonia out of the spotlight, out of center stage, and the brain injury rolled right back up there. It took its rightful place and it said, I got this on the main character. But back to the boobs pointing in the wrong direction. That was actually a fun party trick. I do miss that one a little bit. That that was a really fun party trick. But party trick aside, you know, it wasn't good. That's all I could say. It wasn't good. And then also in the hospital, I lost over 20 pounds in the duration of my time in a coma in three and a half weeks. I was emaciated when I left the hospital. I couldn't walk more than 10 feet. Well, I'll talk about that more in depth later, but it was dramatic weight loss, really, really quick, six broken ribs, boot pointing in the wrong direction, it was a clusterfuck. And when I finally left the hospital, more cons were unveiled, because I was excited to get back to clothes instead of just wearing the same thing that I'd been wearing for two months, except when I got back to clothes, my tops, my bras, my dresses, my everything, it all didn't fit because they were made for titties that were no longer there. And this is a very long way of me saying that I got a boob job. And it was actually a breast reconstruction 'cause it was just putting back that what was already there that was supposed to be there. When I had my boot job, it didn't hurt at all. I just took Tylenol for a day after my boot. That was it, like it didn't hurt at all. And that's because usually it would hurt so much as the tightness, it's not supposed to be there, but my body was just like, "Oh, we're back, thank God." Like it just went right to me because it was just putting back what was supposed to be there. It was allowing me to live as myself again. And that's when I say that I lost everything I lost all parts myself like I even lost my boobs when I was hit by a car Like I truly lost everything and you know Boop job like it just sounds more fun than breast reconstruction like breast reconstruction sounds sad Like it sounds a little sad like like oh, she had to be put back together But boob job like that sounds sick like let's celebrate it like I got hit by a car and one of the surgeries I had to have, one of my 16 that I had to have in the process was a boob job. Like that's lit. Like let's celebrate it. That's awesome. It was like all this stuff went wrong, but like, I got new boobs. The surgeon who did my boob job is the same surgeon who did my breast reconstruction seven years prior, a Mount Sinai hospital in New York, Dr. Torina Tarina. And he did an incredible job, Dr. Philip Torina, both times. I'm a repeat customer. Like, I'm kind of wondering, like, do I get points for that? Like, is the third boob surgery free? Like, you know, like, who goes back for the same surgeon for a second boob procedure? Me, I go back. For all my medical procedures that I've had done since I left the hospital, you know, all the And following me leaving the hospital, I've done them in New York. My dad is a doctor internal medicine and his practice is affiliated with Mount Sinai. So he got those good, good medical connections. And then also like when you're healing and recovering from a surgery, like I'd rather have my assistant, aka my mom at my beck and call while I'm horizontal, you know, watching Vanderpump Rules and my mom, after I had my silicone implants added to my yitties. My mom clocked in to work every single day. She was at my beck and call while I watched Vanderbump Rules, doing whatever I needed to do, even though it didn't hurt that much. And so I do my procedures now in New York, except we're almost done, but I do. But now when I have worked on, I do it in New York, work done. Oh my God. Now when I've worked, I do it in New York. So In January 2023, before the May 2023 boob job, I went in for my pre -glam consult with my surgeon and my accident was in L .A. I was in Cedar Sinai. So when I went in for my pre -glam consult for my Yitties, he walked into the room and he just had this look of like shock, horror, and post -traumatic stress disorder. and he goes, I looked over your medical charts and what the fuck happened? And like the only way I can describe the look on his face is like, okay, do you know the way the CNN news anchors looked when they like figured out that Donald Trump was gonna win the election? Like, do you know the way they looked that explicit? Should we call it moment, that explicit moment in Shall we call it the the look on their faces of like, ‘oh my god, holy fuck Doomsday is upon us. We are in the final act’ That is the only way I can describe the look on Dr. Philip Torina’s face when he asked me what the fuck happened 


So a couple weeks ago. I was sick. It was a Saturday Per usual recovery mode. I was horizontal on my couch watching Vanderpump Rules And I hated that, I hated that because I'm really busy right now with things for this podcast and also my book, I'm trying to get my book finished by the end of the year so it can be published in 2025. Starting podcasts, I'm finding out most of the work is in pre -production, like trying to build a fucking brand, you know, for Gabriella Rebranded. It's not just some podcasts and there's a logo and there's the trademark attorneys and there's getting the website And there's doing all the shit that needs to be done for the podcast and it's a lot of fucking work So this day that I lost be I'd lost like 10 days to being sick And I was so upset that I had lost like all this time that I should have been working on my book, working on my Gabriella Rebranded and I was so upset and then this idea Fucking hits me and I'm like, ‘oh my god. I know what to do. I know how to tell this story’ and ask and you'll receive. I was upset that I wasn't being productive and I lost all this time and this idea and at first the energy hits me. Okay, so after I had had the boob job in May 2023, right? I come back to LA and I met some new friends in that June, in June 2023. And in July 2023 was, I remember it was my mom's birthday, July 11th, 2023, we were going out for someone's birthday. And it was the first time we were going out, out as a group. And like, we had met before, like maybe three times and like done like more casual things, but we had never gone out. And this is the first time we were like doing a thing. And keep in mind, I didn't really socialize for a year and a half. So I was out of practice, if you will. I hadn't gotten out with a large group in a while. And some would say I was nervous, but never let them see a sweat, fake it till we make it. So I was making sure that I was all ready to go. I had on a really cute outfit. I did my makeup so pretty. I was wearing this new white shirt that my friend Emma had given to me. It wasn't new new because it used to be Emma's and then she gave it to me. I didn't have an income so buying new clothes was not really a thing that I was doing but it was new for me. It was new that it was on my wardrobe. It was new for Gabriella. It was not new in the world. It was not a new article of clothing but I was really excited of you know giving me all the hand -me -down clothing because I had no income and I was really excited I was wearing this white shirt and I was like oh ready to go. I get to the pregame with all these people who I met like maybe three times in my new little white shirt and while we're at the pregame like within the first half hour I go to the bathroom and there's a mirror on the wall. And I look in the mirror and I see a red dot right here. And I'm thinking like, oh my fucking God, this is so annoying. Like it's the first time and within, I'm like socializing with a large group of people in a while and within the first 15 minutes, like I somehow stained the shirt I've got. And it's a white shirt, of course, and I have this giant red dot on it. And I'm so annoyed because like, keep in mind, I was a COVID grad. I graduated May, 2020, and then LA was shut down to like May, 2021. And I had like four months of being out and about. And then I had my accident in October, 2021. So I had like four months of living the post grad life. And the class of 2020, We didn't get our senior year. We didn't get to celebrate. So like the typical post grad life, like we were basically living the last, our last semester of college in 2021, but it was like on steroids for us because the world was celebrating. We had just survived this global pandemic that we thought might have killed us. And we all probably lost a lot of people in it. And it was just we were finally able to go out together and the world was finally able to socialize and all of humanity was, it was amazing. It was such a celebration, but then it was cut really, really short for me. And I had been miss social. I was always about out and about. I'm an extroverted extrovert. But then I had my accident and I was out of life. And when I finally came back to life, it was not the same at all. And I was really sad and I was really lonely for a really long time and now I was finally going out with a large group of people and this thing has to happen like so you can imagine how I felt like finally going out with a lot of people and this thing fucking happens. So I get toilet paper and I soak it and I'm like dabbing the dot but it keeps growing and I'm like what the fuck so I'm tapping at it again and it comes back and it's growing and then there's more dots and I'm like what is going on like what is and then I'm like and I lift my shirt up and my scar had a blister that had formed on it and it was bleeding my boob was bleeding in the middle of the pregame with people I had met a handful of times so I'm like I gotta get the fuck out of here I try to leave as slyly as possible but nothing I ever do is sly so I know it wasn't that sly I get outside I call the Lyft to get home and I'm freaking a fuck I am not okay like my boob was bleeding like it was highlighting to this new group of people like ‘hey It's me. I'm the girl that has a lot wrong with me’ like it's it's that that's just not what you want And it was like the work. I was obviously making it way worse in my head But it was just the most embarrassing the worst thing. I was in so much pain, I got to go home, I am out of there so fast. I'm a Scorpio moon, so I'm also the queen of catastrophizing. So I'm like, this is the worst thing to ever happen. 


This is also, and this is very important, before I was prescribed the correct dosage of medication that I'm on now, and I am very, very, very dependent on. After a brain injury it's like every character trait you had is on steroids that that's how it was explained to me and it is definitely true. So take everything that I just said how I'm a Scorpio moon and I'm the queen of catastrophizing and I make everything like so much worse than it needs to be. How I you know can't help but demand attention And I'm, you know, my emotions are, they're very passionate and dramatic. So take all that, multiply it by about six. That is the case of Gabriella's brain when she's not on her medications. And that's me when I'm not on my meds. Now, with my meds, we've gotten it down to like a four, I would say, and it happens very, very rarely that I have these emotional outbursts. But back Then six, and the six was common. It wasn't good. And maybe not even multiplying. Maybe it should be exponential. Put it to the power of six. That is probably more of an accurate description of what it's like for my brain, pre -medication, what my emotional episodes are like. I have a frontal lobe injury, and your frontal lobe controls executive functioning. It controls your emotional rationality. It controls Problem solving, it controls interpersonal relationships and interpersonal relationships. It controls your filter. It controls how you behave in social situations. It controls planning. So now when something goes wrong, my brain goes to fight or flight. I've lost the ability to rationally think through the problem. And these episodes of me having these emotional outbursts and being in fight or flight prior to my medications, they used to be hours. Now we've gotten them down to like, now because we've learned coping skills and we're on the correct doses of medication and we've healed a bit more, we've gotten it down to like 10 minutes. And then after those 10 minutes, I'm rational. I'm right back. I'm right there again. But it's still, we initially go into fight and flight. But at this point, Prior to my medication, it was ours. And at this point, I was on my meds, but not on the right dosage. So I would say it was like 45 minutes an hour that this emotional outburst and these episodes would last when something goes wrong, like your boob leading. I have panic attacks, but my panic attacks don't present like the normal panic attacks. What even is normal for a panic attack? My panic attacks don't present how you would expect them to present. I'm comfortable in anger that instead of sadness, that's always where I've been comfortable. And again, that's on steroids, pre -medication and when I'm not on the right dosage. So my panic attacks, they look like I'm angry. Like they look like I'm, I'm really angry and I'm really mad even though it's just that I'm scared and it's just that I'm really, really sad. So when I have panic attacks

now, because I still sometimes have them as I was saying, like we get to a four sometimes it's very rare, but we still get to a four. And when I have these panic attacks, it presents like anger. It does not present like sadness, even though I'm just feeling scared and scared on the inside. My, I'm an Aries, like I feel comfortable in anger. We are working on that. Like I'm absolutely

working on that, but it is still something I struggle with all the time. And the reason why I say that I still struggle with it and I'm letting you into like some of the problems that I am currently battling and I'm so like transparent about that is it kind of relates to the reason why I'm telling this whole story. 



So back to the night of incorrect dosage me. I'm in hysterics waiting for this lift, Okay, I am freaking out. I call my mom even though it is after midnight on the East Coast, I am crying, I am sobbing, I'm freaking the fuck, having a breakdown. Like, it's so embarrassing. My makeup that I had on, forget it. Like, it's all me looking cute to go out. God, done. My friend Emma is coming to meet me at my apartment. She going to meet us out but now I'm like meet me at my apartment. I'm just absolutely the same Emma who gave me the white shirt. I'm just absolutely sobbing, absolutely losing my mind. Inconsolable is the only way to describe me just inconsolable when I'm in these states. Told a spiral. We get to my apartment and like obviously freak out continues but after it's been like 45 minutes an hour ish because remember that's where we're at about I like gather myself I get more grounded and I'm like okay I'm gonna go out I'm gonna go meet everyone out I put on a new shirt still white but a different shirt I put on a new shirt I grab Emma fix whatever makeup I can I roll up of this birthday party and I fucking own it. I walk in and I'm making jokes. I'm like that was fucking hysterical. Like I'm like, yeah, my boobs just started to start bleeding at the pregame. It's fucking hysterical. I'm just making jokes and I'm owning that that happened. I'm not like letting anyone see that I was sad. I'm not letting anyone see that like I was really bothered by it. I'm just like owning it because Objectively, that's hysterical like objectively that is out of a single cam comedy No one take that from me because I'm going to be using it like my boobs started believing that the pregame like From a thousand feet up like that is so funny Like that is so I just leaned in I just leaned into the humor of it all and I was like yeah I got a fucking boob job You all wish you had one if you're a girl if you're a guy you wish you were dating a girl that had one or maybe you're gay And then in that case you're happy for me like that is just the reality of the situation Like that is how it's all operating. So like I know I yeah, I got a good job. I've known you guys for like a month Yeah, yeah, that's a thing that I have fucking owning me Owning it 




and that is the reason why I tell this story some of the people that I met that night are some of my greatest friends today. Like truly amazing people that I've been blessed to meet throughout this entire experience. And who knows what would have happened if I hadn't got out that night? Like who knows if our friendship would be as solid as it is today? I don't know. And the reason why I tell this story is We will all have boob bleeds, okay? We will all have boob bleeds. We've had them already. We may be having one right now, like someone's tit may be bleeding right now, and we will continue to have them. The boob bleed is metaphorical at this point, if you haven't gotten that already, but we will all continue to have boob leads. We all have flaws, and sometimes they're flaws that we can help. And sometimes they are flaws that we can't help at all. We all do things that we're embarrassed by, some that we can control and some that we can't control. My boob bleeding, I could not control that at all. My unhinged reaction. Yeah, I have all these brain issues that definitely contributed, but like I'm still learning to control it. I can learn to control it as best as I can. Occasionally, though it's rare, I still do have these unhinged reactions and I'm never proud of myself when I have them. I never like it when I have them, especially when I forget to take my meds. I have these outbursts, ask my mom, ask Emma, ask my roommate. Like sometimes these things still happen to me, but I've gotten a lot better at controlling them because albeit something that was caused by something that I can't control, I can still learn to mitigate them the best that I had owning your flaws, owning your fuck ups, owning what you do and owning who you are for all the nitty gritty parts. That's important. And that's, we all need to step into ourselves. Whether you like it about yourself, what you have done, or whatever flaw it is, that doesn't matter. You need to learn to step into it and you need to learn to own it. You need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Yes, I can be reactive. Yes, I can be high maintenance. Yes, I can take things way too personally. My mantra for this year is ‘it's not that deep’ because I have a habit of making everything deep, especially initially. I'm trying to learn to not do that. I am doing great so far. But all I can do is exactly that, learn and try to be a little bit better each day. That's all I can do, but I wouldn't be able to be better each day if I didn't own that I do that and I didn't own that about myself. 


We can not go back in time. Regret serves no purpose. It is a waste of energy. We cannot go back in time. Actions are what matter most, not thoughts, actions, learning, growing, and making an effort to change what you can. That is what matters most and also accepting what you cannot change about yourself. That's all you can do. And again, I just want to emphasize that this is not to say that when you fuck up, it doesn't matter. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can be way too hard on myself. I mean, we are all our biggest critics when it comes to mistakes we make and also flaws that we can't control. I can be extremely self judgmental. My ego wants to be an overthinker and overthink every single do every single wrong thing I do, but I own all these things about myself. Okay. And that's why I'm not scared to talk about them publicly.

The only thing I can do, the only action I can take is move forward. That is it. I can't move backwards. Not possible. My panic attacks, they're shorter, they're rarer, they're less than 10s. As I said, we've gotten them down to 10 minutes. Okay. But occasionally I have a relapse. like occasionally I have one, if the external and internal factors are just right, I have one, but who am I to sit there and berate myself for them, okay? My emotional rationality center was quite literally knifed open, like they're gonna be side effects, okay? Like who am I to just sit there and get mad at myself? Like my ego wants to be embarrassed by that. And sometimes it is at first, but then I have to let that go because all I can do realistically is learn to mitigate them, learn tips and tricks, and learn to better protect my brain in those circumstances where the internal and external factors are just right. And it's really fucking hard because it's my brain. It is quite literally telling me what to do, how to act, what to say, when to say it, and no two brain injuries are alike. No two brain injuries are alike. So doctors have not learned obvious, like each brain injury is a question mark. They're all different and how they present and what treatment works for them. So doctors Do not know entirely what chores or fixes a brain injury. Obviously that is not possible for a doctor to know. So no one can know how exactly to fix everything. It's not possible to fix everything. So if I was going to sit there today and have judgment and be mad at myself for every single shortcoming and flaw that I now have because of my brain injury, who the fuck would I be? I wouldn't be doing this podcast, that's for sure. 


And then there are the flaws that we can't control. The things that are just a part of ourselves, the things that are just there, like my scars. I went to a new hair cutter a few months ago and we were talking about my scars because you know, brain surgery scar hair, so like you have to talk about it a little. And then we were just talking about my scars in general and I mentioned that I wasn't insecure about my scars and he goes why which okay weird thing to ask overstepping for sure kind of made me feel like am I supposed to be insecure about my scars um did I go back to the haircut or not because of that comment well partially because of that comment but largely because I fucking hated the haircut it wasn't even a good haircut But he asked me why and I thought why am I not insecure about my scars? And I thought because I own them because they are a part of me and they are here to stay I think my scars make me look like a badass a Trach scar anyone who knows what a Trach scar is They see this and they know exactly what it is They know that I lived through some shit and that's fucking dope. That's fucking cool cool. So I'm gonna own it. Like, yes, I have scars. They're all, they're everywhere. Alright, they're cool. I don't know. They're part of me. So who am I to just like, what would it accomplish to just sit there and be sad about it? Like, what would that do for me? What would that do for my soul? Like, you need to be comfortable with yourself. And the way to be comfortable with yourself is to admit that you have laws. Okay, we all do, it takes so much energy to be ashamed of yourself and to hide certain things about yourself. It takes so much energy. So I fucking own it. Like look at my scars, ask me questions about them. Right? The scar that I have on my face, people always comment about how it's healed so much and that where, when I wear makeup, you can't even see it. And like people always say like, Oh my God, I can't even see your scar anymore. Like especially when when I was in the beginning more stages of recovery as it was healing and I would always say like thanks I guess but like I never really fucking cared if you could see my scar or not like it's a story of survival like fucking ask me about it I'm proud of what I live through I'm proud of what I accomplished fucking ask me about it I'm happy to tell you about it my terrible hand -eye coordination my hearing sensitivity yeah they're annoying but also aren't they fucking adorable like that's so cute she doesn't like places that are too loud it's like I'm a little baby or a little old lady like it's so fucking cute like and if a ball's thrown at me she's probably gonna drop it like she's probably gonna miss it she's not good at sports anymore like guess what bitch I never was, I was never good at sports. I never had good hand eye -coordination. Like, fine, I'll be a girl stereotype. Like, yes, that's what the media spent years telling me I should be. Like, I'm not good at sports. I'm clumsy, adorable, but fucking step to me in a boot camp class, okay? Like, my favorite thing in the world is making boys insecure at the gym. Like, it's something that I just, I love making boys and secure at the gym. All right. Like I do that week after week. Okay. I'm crushing it. Doubt me because I'm clumsy. Like do it. I'll make you my bitch in boxing class. All right. Like this owning all this stuff. What would I be if I just let my flaws eat at me? 


So when you fuck up or something gets fucked up, or something just is fucked up, or you don't like something about yourself or something that you did, you only have one option. Let yourself feel the emotion fully. You have to let yourself feel it fully in order to let it go, and then let the emotion move through you. That's the only option you have. Let the emotion move through you, and then it is time to keep going on. That That is it. That is your only option. I know it's easier said than done, but the only way to free yourself from the emotion, the only way to fully let go is to let yourself fully feel it, fully feel the sadness, the anger, the grief, the frustration about whatever it is you did or whatever insecurity it is you have, let yourself feel it, let it move through you and then let it go. Then we have to move on once You've let it move through you forgive yourself and keep on keeping on that is it forgive yourself let yourself off the hook and Keep on keeping on keep going Be better do better. Love yourself. Love others. Give yourself grace like respect yourself Respect others. Give others grace. Let yourself off the hook. Let others off the hook. That is it. I talked about my tip for that in a previous episode, but just the restate.

My neuropsychologist, Dr. Anne Gottuso, she gave me this and I really like it. When something goes wrong or you're upset with something about yourself or something that you did, set a timer in your head or however long it is to let yourself feel the emotion. Depending on the situation, if it's something more trivial, like a spat with a coworker, like maybe set an hour time limit. If it's something like way more serious, like a huge fight with your mom, maybe give yourself a week. Give yourself that hour, that week, whatever time you set for yourself to just feel all the things, feel all the anger, feel all the sadness, just fully feel it. And then when the timer's up, keep on keeping on. That's all it is that we can do. Really like that tip. So I'm restating it.  Step into yourself, okay? Accountability is a lost art. Accountability is sexy as hell. And it is the path to healing. Own yourself, own your actions, claim yourself, claim your actions, claim everything about yourself own everything about yourself both that you can and can’t control


I'll leave you on this boob job note the reason for the boob lead the reason for the blister was because i was having a terrible allergic reaction to the antibiotic ointment that was prescribed to me to put on but like next day when those were weeks started I texted my surgeon a picture of the blister and I was like hey something's going on like I don't know this thing happened and it was after 7 p .m. here so it was after 10 o 'clock on the east coast he immediately calls me he immediately calls me and I answered the phone and I'm like hello and he goes ‘do you have a fever?!’ I was like ‘no…’ and he was like ‘are you in pain anywhere else?!’ and I was like, ‘no, I just, just had this thing that happened.’ And he goes, ‘you're having a severe allergic reaction. Stop using the cream now.’ By this point, my pain tolerance was so high. I was so used to being uncomfortable that I was having a severe allergic reaction for a week. And I didn't even notice it, okay? My boobs had been a little itchy leading up to the bleed, but my internal soundtrack, as it has been made into by this entire saga, was ‘don't be a bitch, trust the process. All's well that ends well.’ And I wasn't gonna say anything at all. I am so used to living in bodily discomfort. Physical pain is just a Tuesday for me. Now that I was just going to let myself live there, I wasn't going to say anything about the itch. So if it hadn't been for the boob bleed, I would have never said anything that I wouldn't have found out about the allergic reaction. And then maybe I would have had a fever, maybe other things would be hurting, maybe I would have wound up in the hospital again. I don't know. 


And that is why we say, "Win most, lose some." This has been Gabriella Rebranded. Shout out to my boob job. Shout out to my boob bleed. Shout out to Dr. Philip Torina. And that is the story.


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Gabriella Tranchina

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