10 l The Gym, Food, Brain, and Smiles Episode

When I left the hospital, I couldn’t walk more than 10 feet. Prior to that, I spent over a decade in a toxic relationship with food & my body defined by alternating between overeating and under eating and over exercising and under exercising. Now, I’m in the best shape of my life and my kink is making boys insecure at the gym. 

Hannah Leboff was a key part of that journey. An instructor at my gym, whose strength training class I’ve taken weekly for nearly 4 years now. Hannah is a fitness instructor who I owe my body to. She is certified in literally everything, taught me to not ‘fear’ weights as a woman, and inspires me weekly. 

However, Hannah wasn’t always that way. She also spent over a decade encompassed by literally every eating disorder ever: anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, binge eating - you name it, she had it. Ignited by mental health issues like ADHD and depression, she spent years hopeless and thinking she had no way out.

Like me, Hannah found the gym. Fitness became a source of empowerment, not something to fear. She dedicated herself to healing her body and brain. Now; she’s a new mom, killer instructor, strong af, and a glowing light in my life. 

The brain & body are connected, a little too connected. Well, actually, that depends on how you view it. Working out can be a source of happiness, community, self respect, pride and relaxation or diet & exercise can be something to agonize over, try to control in negative ways, and destroy one’s self confidence, love, and happiness.

Exercise is a crucial and often ignored part of mental health. It saved my brain and dragged both Hannah and I out of some nasty dark places. Prioritizing exercise is prioritizing the brain. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 1:20 Fitness & Life Pivots
• 8:27 Mental Health & the Body
• 14:09 Strength Training for Women
• 19:30 An Invisible Disability
• 22:13 From Multiple Eating Disorders to Fitness Instructor & Mom
• 35:18 Appreciate your Body & Community
• 41:15 Prioritize Mental Health
• 45:09 Remember to Slow Down, Power in Our Choices
• 50:25 Pregnancy Post Eating Disorder Recovery
• 57:44 Husband & Super Dad, Spencer
• 1:04:18 Perspective
• 1:08:50 Hannah's Recomendation
• 1:13:07 Bye!!!

Transcript

I always say, like, you can't hate yourself into loving your body. And that's something that really stuck with me because... Oh, that's beautiful. You can't hate yourself into loving your body. I wish someone told me that. You can't because all I would do is inspect myself in the mirror. "I hate this. I hate this. I hate this about me. If I didn't have this, I would be doing this." You can't hate yourself into loving your body. You can't. It's not possible. You have to start saying, "I'm grateful for this part of my body. I'm grateful that I can move, that I can get up and move, and just get some perspective in life."

Almost dying taught me how to live. Being struck by a car left me in a three and a half week coma with 15 broken bones and 16 surgeries to complete, including brain surgery. However, I woke up from that coma in an even greater place than I ever saw for myself. How? The universe will guide you out of the darkness and into the light if you allow it. Often, spirituality comes off as too high -brow. I'm not about that. Welcome to the podcast that talks and teaches about it through the lens of humor. Together, we'll harness positive energy and use it to work with the universe, all while giggling the entire time. Welcome to Gabriella rebranded,

Win most, lose some. 

- Oh my God, this is gonna be such a manic episode, but today I'm sitting down and talking with Hannah Leboff @SweatWithHannah, a fitness instructor. I met Hannah because she teaches at HEIMAT. I started taking her classes in fall 2022, power hour, her strength class literally changed my body. I tell everyone that I owe my body to Hannah. Like she's the one that told me like she taught me that like strong is sexy and that like you as a woman don't need to be scared about lifting too heavy and also like I was trying to build my body back up from nothing. We'll talk about that but like from literally nothing from literally nothing. So like when I started Power Hour I couldn't lift heavier than five like insane But yeah, so I met you in 2022. You were certified in a million things. How long were you working as a fitness instructor before I met you? So interesting enough, I was in a completely different career path. My whole life I wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be a singer-songwriter. I wanted to be a pop star. You wish makes sense for that. They've - All the arts programs, yeah. - Yes, which I didn't even do. I went to University of Michigan and I got a degree in English and literature. So that did wonders for me, just kidding. No, you know what, it was wonderful and I'm very grateful that I did that because I truly love writing. But I didn't want to go into a career in music through school. I wanted to do that in my own - Okay. - So I just kind of did that on the side. I would do shows all the time at school and then I left after college and just flung myself right into music. It was 2020 when I really needed to reevaluate what was making me happy in life because I was deeply depressed and I thought, you know, let's do it for the art. Like let's live a really fucked up mid 20s girl, just figuring it out. Everyone's figuring their shit out. And I just, at one point I hit a wall and was like, I'm not happy. So I had to really go through a transformation and a pivot, I would say, as opposed to quitting. - Quitting, yes, a pivot. - A pivot, a life pivot. - I just had a major life pivot from, I was pursuing pursuing acting. So I had a major life. You got it. Because with my injury, that wasn't making me happy anymore. Right. Yeah. Ultimately, it's like, do you want to dig your heels in and fight, fight, fight? Or do you want to reevaluate and see what makes you happy? And so fitness makes me happy. It's something that I used for therapy purposes for years in my life, since I was like 14 is when I really started getting into it. So I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I not teaching this? I love to interact with human beings. Music was so isolating. The only things, the only parts that I loved about music was the performing and connecting with people, for the most part, as opposed to isolating in sessions by myself. So I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I not teaching people? - I wanna hear you sing. - Oh yeah, excuse me, yes, yes. - No, but like I 100 % get because I started getting to a place with like I pivoted from acting for a lot of reasons, but definitely one of the reasons was like exercise is so good for my mental brain. I want to consistently be able to work out for an hour, two hours a day. And like with acting sometimes that's not really possible. And I'm like, no, I want to, that is something important to me. That is something I want to continually prioritize. I mean, until you get to like, I don't know, Robert Downey Jr. level, then they let you prioritize whatever you want. Until then, you got a schedule that you have to like follow and I didn't want to. - For sanity's sake. - Yeah, for like, for mental health and all that, which is like another thing that we're talking about. It's like the shape of exercise on the brain. So you were deeply depressed. - Yes. - And exercise was like one of the only things making you happy? - It was one of the only things making me happy, but it also at one point in my life was an enemy of mine. - Okay. - So I really battled with food and exercise and body image. And so there was one point in my life where I thought to myself, you know, maybe I could go into being a nutritionist or fitness. And then I was like, no, no, no, I'm way too obsessed. I'm way too unhealthy. So for a while, I had to really figure out and find balance in that. And then I was able to sustainably, carefully enter that career. Okay. I feel like a lot of the mental stuff that we've been through is similar. Yeah, because I had like a battle with food and my body. I don't think to your level, but like I definitely had - Disordered eating for a while. - There's many people, so many people have it. - So many people have it. - So many people. I would never say I had a full -on eating disorder because I was almost, I don't wanna say not disciplined enough 'cause that doesn't sound good, but in a sense, I would try to starve myself and over -exercise and not eat for a month. - I would say that's disordered eating. - Yeah, that's disorder eating, exactly. It's disordered eating, but it's not like, I wouldn't say it's like

not -anorexia, it's not bulimia, it's not an eating disorder. But, and then I would like almost cave, like I would cave, like I can't do this. And then I would eat too much and not exercise for a month. And it was just like-- - Well, that's a different, yeah, that's binge eating. I went, I've been there done that. - Yeah, I just got there done that. - I'm the craziness.  And then it 'cause it was so confusing, 'cause I say the one thing that my, oh, we're not the one good thing, but something that my accident did is it saved my relationship with my body and it saved my relationship with food and exercise because now the focus was not to be skinny. It wasn't on the aesthetic, which is when it was all messed up. The focus was to be strong again. It was to rebuild my body. I mean, when I left the hospital, I couldn't walk more than 10 feet. And like the focus was just, it was just about like being able to do the bare minimum, which then became the average. And like when everything else seemed to be going terribly wrong, because a lot went wrong, exercise was something I was getting better at. It was something that I was winning that. So then it became my only source of winning, which also turned into a problem because became exercise addicted. Of course. Of course. - You know what, we all have our vices, we all have our addictions, and I think some just happen to be healthier than others. And finding balance in everything that you do is something that I preach, but it's not something that I've mastered by any means. - Yeah, oh no. Oh, I definitely self -amastered it. 

I'll get to that other thing later, but to just go back to what you were talking before. So when would you say just a brief overview of like how your issues with eating and exercise correlated to like your mental health. 

Like what would you say like when you're in your most depressed states, what was your relationship with exercise and food? Okay, so I, mental illness, I suffer from body dysmorphia or at least did, I'm recovered from that for the most part. OCD, like obsessive thoughts and anxiety and depression. So those typically go hand in hand with somebody who has ADHD and I've been diagnosed with that since I was in first grade. So it all really stemmed from a need for control. And that is very common with a lot of people that it starts with a need of control. So anytime that my life felt Out of control like I couldn't grasp on to anything or I had there was no certainty Especially a career in music. Yes. Yeah, I had no certainty. So the only thing that I felt like I could control was what I put in my mouth and how I moved my body and With that in addition to that it really started, you know high school in college, my body was changing, I would say the very first moment that it really was a noticeable issue for me was when I went through puberty because I went through puberty pretty late in my later teens and everybody else had already developed and I was just like flat as a board, one of the shortest kids in the grade, always really tiny, super, super skinny because I had my ADD medication. And then I finally got my period, I think sophomore year in high school and my body only really started to change junior year or so. And it caused such dysmorphia because I could not control the way that I was getting curves and just my body was changing so rapidly that I was just desperate to look like the child that I had looked like before. And I had to separate and look back, looking back, I had to really realize like, you were a child, you were prepubescent, you cannot attain that bottom. - You're a woman now. - Right. - You're a woman. I had the opposite problem, but it contributed to like the, of my disordered eating were like, I hit puberty hella early. Like I was a dear double D. I forgot how many D's in the sixth grade. - All the D's. - And like all the D's. - In the sixth grade that's hard. - Especially in the 2000s when girls are supposed to be as small as possible. And that was how I looked in the sixth grade. So that's what contributed to my like, I thought I was fat since I was in like the fifth grade. 'Cause it was just like all, like girls were supposed to be so tiny. And I was not that, like, so, and it just, it's so puberty, man. It ruins everything. If we're going to talk about boobs, which I know you've talked about boobs many times, you can attest. I have had two breast reductions, and they have been covered, literally covered by insurance because of the dimensions of my body. It was causing physical pain and extreme body dysmorphia, so I completely understand. Yeah, my breast reduction was covered by insurance, as was the boob job, because it was technically a reconstruction. So before you entered your career as a fitness instructor, do you feel like you got a grip on food and exercise before you entered your career as a fitness instructor, like in 2020? Or do you think it was when you decided to become a fitness instructor that you finally got a grip on your mental health? I can attribute it to my therapist, truly, in like 10 years of working with her. I don't know if there's one specific moment where I was like, you know what, I think I got it under control. I think I got it under control, I'm ready to educate and do what, of course, of course. But I think as far as moving, I wanted to understand why my body and how my body was reacting depending on what I ate and what I allowed myself to eat in the first place. It was more even food than fitness because I had always been a fitness fanatic in the sense that I need it. I need to kill off my energy, I need to I need to just like move my body. That's how I am now since my brain injury because it's like a lot of times the only thing that can get me out of a spiral or make me think rationally, especially when I was so much less recovered and like my moments of like panic attacks were so much more is fitness. Like I need it because it's the only thing. And it like, but anyway, that is I, the reason why I got to is I like literally said, I was like, my workouts are like, it's not the most important to me thing in the world to me, but it's like a very important part of my day is like getting to my workout and like resetting my brain. I was deciding on something with my logo for my podcast and I kept on going back and forth between two things. And I literally said to my friend, I was like, ‘Ok after Battleground tomorrow when Samoura resets my brain, then I will decide.’

 - That is what really taught me as much as I preached and read about how you can't bulk, you can't bulk, you can't bulk unless you like really tried bulk. I didn't believe that. I was like, no, I refuse to lift heavy weights. I don't want to get bulky. Then I walked in blindly to Lift Society, which is still one of my favorite places. It's a barbell lifting gym. I came there not knowing how to use a barbell. I didn't even use the barbell for the first couple of weeks 'cause it's 45 pounds. And then I finally started after long period of time. That's the other thing. People don't wanna wait for results, but I started feeling and seeing myself significantly stronger and building muscle. So when my body started to transform, that's when I kind of became like addicted to it. I learned more about how to eat properly. I became less afraid of carbohydrates and I realized that carbohydrates were actually making me lose weight, which was my biggest fear food. You know, I don't know if you know, but like when you're in recovery you have like fear foods Yes, and tip nearly all of mine were heavy on the carbs. Okay, then I started incorporating carbs I had significantly more energy. I wasn't cranky And my body was changing in the best way possible then I got into Pilates Friend was like you should try Pilates, and I'm like no no no no Pilates is for girls who don't want to work out. - White woman. - Who don't want to work out, you don't have a job. - Middle -aged country called moms. - Exactly, I'm like, you stretch. It's a waste of my time. She said, let me just take you to this one place. She took me to Carrie's Pilates, which is, is megaformer, it is not, now that I'm certified in multiple, multiple variations, it is not Pilates, it is its own kind of strength training. - My roommate loves Carrie’s. - It's really fun. - I've only done SolidCore, she says it's like the same thing, but she loves carries. - It's the same kind of machine, it's the same kind of philosophy. So I was like, holy shit, I became so obsessed. - And it's so fucking hard. - It's so hard and that changed my body as well. So I built the muscle with Lift Society And then I was able to really start cutting and toning with the Pilates. It was working muscles that I wasn't necessarily getting like specifically in the strength training. Strength training is a lot of compound muscles. So it's amazing for you. But the Pilates aspect really just gets those little areas that you never thought you could work with rotation and all different kinds of things. But no, I fell in love with that. And then I was like, let's get into classical, let's get into what is Pilates. I didn't even know what Pilates was because a lot of studios call it Pilates and it's not actually Pilates. So then when I got into that, I fell in love with that. And it's just like a constant learning process. I want to learn everything there is to learn. - Okay, that's beautiful.  I also like, I could, so many things you said, I'm like, oh, I have something to comment Now, well, I think the biggest thing I wanted to say is that I feel like mentally, I, as it pertains to strength training, that was a big change after my accident and specifically in your class. Because I remember, 'cause I didn't try Power Hour for a while because I was like, no, wait, that's not my thing. I didn't try it. And one of my friends kept telling me that I needed to try it and I need to try your class specifically. And I went and I tried it and one I loved it and I was like I was like I want to get good at this and then two I saw you and you were lifting like 25 dumbbells and I was like okay so I can lift heavy and still be really hot and like you're not big like you're the opposite of big you just have a great fucking body. So I was like - No, I can have that too. And I don't need to be scared of weights. And now I thought I'd elevated to 25s and I did in other people's classes, but not in Hannah’s. - You know, you never know, it depends on the day, depends where you are in your cycle, but you're a beast. - It depends, we're trying, we're trying. - have to tell you the first time I met you, you took class And I noticed your book tattoo. - Yes. - And I tapped you and I was like, I loved to read, I love that tattoo. - Oh. - And then you came up to me after class and you're like, I just want you to know that, you know, this is like one of my first strength training classes that I've really fallen in love with. And this is my story. And I just was like, jaw on the floor. Like I would walk into the studio and just be like, "Why aren't I lifting heavier? "Why don't I look like this? "Why don't I look like that?" And then I see somebody who literally had to learn how to walk again and is picking up weights. And it was not noticeable to me that you ever had an accident like that. It was unbelievable. So you are very inspiring to me as well. 

- Thank you. I'm very, very lucky. It's kind of a double -edged sword. Overall, sword. Overall, it's great that you can't notice anything. That's how we want it to be. I don't want that to be the way I'm known. But it is kind of hard that it's like, especially as it pertains to the brain, it's like, I am battling so much stuff that people don't see. And it's like, there is so much going on in here that you don't, because I present so normally that you don't see. So it's amazing. I'm so honored that I'm able to lift weights and I literally had to come back from like absolutely nothing. But, and I'm so happy that you didn't notice anything. But it is just like on a more social side, less than a fitness side that can kind of be hard that people don't realize what's going on or they don't realize the extent of it. Like when you knife open the brain, That messes up a lot of stuff. - Of course. - That was actually something I kind of wanted to talk in a weird way, to kind of talk to you because I was like, oh, this relates to exercise as well. So like on each episode, I do like a spiritual moment of the week. And for the one that I was gonna do, this that happened this week is, I'm someone who I tend to beat myself up a lot. Like I tend to like rake myself across the coals and like I torture my, when I do something wrong, like it's just on repeat, I can't stop thinking about it. And a spiritual growth moment for me is like, I did something wrong socially, like a week or two ago, I forget when. - You're like, why am I being weird? I'm being weird. - And I was exactly, and I was just like, and I was, and again, it was the kind of thing where it's like, I had a panic attack, which doesn't look good. And like, I can be really mean to people when I'm freaking out and it's not my fault but like on the outside to other people just looks like this bitch crazy and it's like to an extent yes absolutely but it's like I'm not I'm not I'm fighting this thing or whatever but when I was like torturing myself like playing it on repeat like I thought like what is the best way to like think and I was like I need to focus on gratitude and like I got myself out of the spiral by like focusing on the gratitude of like all the friends that have so been understanding me and so been there for me and like I wrote three of my friends love letters essentially and like got them gifts just to say thank you for being my friend. It's great. But the reason why I say that relates to exercise is because I think the problem with exercise and food it relates to both is when you are battling a form of disorder, dating, or over exercising, you can really beat yourself up when you like, don't make your workout class or you eat the wrong thing. 

- Yeah, I mean, I can tell you, I can tell you all about it. Like, we can dive right, we can dive into the depths of my experience. So. - I think that's an important depth to dive into 'cause letting yourself off the hook is something that's like really important and that pertains so much to exercise and fitness. Yeah, so basically a little bit about my story as far as my eating

disorder and the the fitness, the orthorexia, which is basically like you're very, you're gonna have to fact -check me or I'm gonna have to double -check, but it's basically like an obsession with eating clean and being fit and Just very restrictive eating started. It got the worst when I was going abroad to Australia. I was going abroad to Australia. So I had this trainer who I had started with when I was 14 because I wanted to learn how to work out. My parents both love exercise. So I, it was modeled before my eyes my entire life. And I always felt - Better after I moved, so I started with a trainer. Then I put in a goal in my head, like anyone else who has a vacation coming up, or you're going to do something. I was in college, a lot of binge drinking, eating, and all the chaos, as we know, I went to a Big Ten school, a lot of partying, and so I wanted to get fit, but really, I to get skinny, that's if we're gonna use it correctly, I wanted to get skinny for abroad. And then that was just the goal. So I would work out at least three hours. nWhen I think about it now, I, it was as though I prepared like the contestants on the biggest loser or like training like an actual full -on athlete with no recovery. So I would train, I would do conditioning and strength training for two hours and then I would go take a spin class and then I would go take a boxing class and this was all in one day and I'd have no energy. I had the craziest, most restrictive diet down to peeling the skin off the apple and only eating the skin because there's too much sugar in the apple, no bananas, bananas not allowed, no carbs. Like just from me soaking it up from all different kinds of trainers and I think like looking back now why I wanted to be in this profession is because you really need to watch what you teach people, especially somebody who's a young girl who's just trying to figure it out. I was taking in advice of what these trainers were telling me to do based on like a bodybuilding regimen. Like that's what people who are I mean, physique, modeling, training, eat and work out. Like, it was insane, I was overdoing it. And I started to see results, okay? Because when you push yourself that hard-- - You're gonna see results. - You're depleting in calories. I was miserable, but I was seeing results. So I was getting the validation from the scale. I was getting validation from friends and family Because I was looking better and there's nothing wrong when people see you and for them to be like wow you look amazing But when somebody has a disorder they take that it's a fuel. Yeah, and Every time someone didn't compliment me. I felt like I was Like it just completely changed my confidence. I grew up as a confident happy girl It it destroyed and ended up destroying me. When I went to Australia, it was the best time of my life, truly one of the best eras of my life, but also the worst. I was on the other side of the world, I had independence, but I also had a calorie tracker app. And I would input every single thing I ate down to The literal egg white, or the one carrot, or how many teaspoons of oil were in it, and if I couldn't track it, I would genuinely break out into hives. My face would get red, I would fully panic, my throat would constrict, like restaurants were not for me. I started making excuses about everything. I wouldn't join social things because of fear of okay well what are we eating and I'd eat before or I'd say I'm not hungry have a stomach ache. I'd run into the bathroom during dinner and just stare at my stomach in the mirror. It was so sick. It was so sick. I can't believe like I even was at that point. I lost my period. Hair was falling out. Did I look? Did I look malnourished? No. I looked really good. I had abs. I Did I look better than after I worked on myself and actually did it the right way? No, I looked better, so much better like these days than I did then. But to me, that was what I was trying to look like. I was trying to be as skinny as possible and it was working. And then I broke my ankle when I was abroad, but I didn't want to come to terms with that. So I would run, and this is why I'm not a runner anymore, I don't run. I would run miles and miles and miles every morning on the treadmill with a broken ankle. So it's amazing what your brain can do. Your brain can trick you into pushing yourself so beyond past any limit. I would eat maybe if I, I never want to reload that. I never want to download that - My fitness pal. - If I lost my fitness pal, I would-- - Eighth grade. - 500 calories a day. - 500. - 500 to 700. - 500. - And then I would go out and I would like drink. But I'd barely have anything black out, exactly. - I was never 500. When I crashed diet for my senior prom, I was 900. That's the lowest I got. But never-- - Yeah, lots of crashed diets. Lots of, I did every diet when I was younger for sure, but this was the most extreme. And then my body started failing me. I started, my metabolism just like shot down. - Because that can happen sometimes, when you restrict yourself and you don't give yourself enough calories, it slows down your metabolism. - It goes in the starvation mode. - Exactly, so that's where I was. And I also, you can only restrict for so long, it turned into really bad binging. So I would binge typically when I was drunk because that was a way of me controlling, controlling, controlling when I'm sober. And then, oh, I have no control because I'm wasted. I'm gonna binge. And it would be to the point of like being so sick that you want to throw up. And I would try to throw up at points. I had taken laxatives. Literally you name it, I went there, it was dark. And then after abroad, I came home, was so depressed. My friends were deeply concerned. My mom was deeply concerned while I was abroad. I thank God for one of my friends, Elise. If I didn't have her, I don't know where I would be today. And it's not even that we are best friends right now because time and space happens, but I'm forever grateful to her. She It stuck by me during the very lowest of times when I genuinely looked in the mirror and hated myself and didn't want to be alive, literally. I didn't want to be alive at one point. I came home senior year of college, had no idea what I was going to do, how I was going to make it as a singer, how I was going to get through school, and just how I was going to function when I was so deeply depressed and just out of control with my eating. So I then ended up gaining a ton of weight. slowly and sustainably with Pilates, and my body started to get stronger.

But it took literally a year of the scale not moving whatsoever. And then it took another year of me having to throw out the scale and relearn how to love myself and find worth aside from my career, aside from the way my body looks and what the number is on the scale and yeah that took many many years and so by the time it came to 2020 I was at the lowest point mentally with music I hated it I had really gotten fucked over over and over and over again generally by men disgusting men I have no problems with men I but it just so happened to be men who abused their power. I was in really bad contract after bad contract and I learned a lot, but wow, I had to get out of there. And I was like, what's making me happy? The pandemic hit. What's making me happy? Oh, well, I like to move my body. My friends are asking me, what do you do? How am I gonna work out in this pandemic? I have nothing to do, nothing's open. I'll teach you a Zoom class. That's literally how it started. Then I started teaching more Zoom classes, and then I started working at the studios that I was obsessed with and would frequent. So I started working through Lift Society virtually. I started working with Carries Pilates virtually. And that saved my brain in the pandemic to be able to come into this different career, help others and move my body during a time of extreme lack of control and uncertainty and yeah it changed my life. So that's my story. And for me to say I am recovered is something that I never thought. When you're at the lowest point and you understand when you're at the lowest point of your life, you think to yourself there is no way in hell. I will see the light. There's no way. I don't understand how people say there's a light because it's not possible. I will forever be riddled with such horrible, obsessive, intrusive thoughts about myself. But no, I'm here to tell you there's another side and the fact that I was able to get pregnant, have a child when I had no period at one point, and my body changed so much and my brain was able to roll with the punches, I'm so grateful. I was very nervous about that mentally, how I would cope being pregnant after pregnancy with my body changes and it's– - The postpartum things you were doing, teaching mommy me yoga classes is so beautiful. And I'm surprised that Remy didn't come out of the womb like doing a deadlift. - Well, Remy did come up, she came out of the womb, they put her on my chest and she was already lifting her abs off her head up and they were like, "Oh my God, she's lifting her head up." And I'm like, "Well, she's doing crunches." - So it was pretty funny. No, I figured she was going to come out of me just like, boots, boots, boots to Fred again, because that's all I listened to when I was teaching in pregnant. - Oh my God, the videos that you've posted on Instagram of like you and Spencer, like the one that you posted on an Instagram about like going to Hyde and going clubbing and it was you guys with the baby. - We're going to Hyde, just the baby. - Hyde, let's ride. - Weird, it's a whole new part of life trying to find your new identity. - Yeah, after becoming a mom and also, but now you're back to teaching workout classes but you can do that because like women's bodies can do so much. It's insane. - I also broke a bone while I broke my hand while I was abroad, but from punching a guy in the face. - Good for you. - So listen, he touched me very inappropriately. - He deserved that. - He touched me very inappropriately and I'd been taking a lot of boxing classes and my mind went right hook and I gave him a break. Broke my hand, broke his nose though. - Amen to that. - But that was that. - We don't love violence, but we love that. - Listen, when the guy's putting his hand up your skirt and grabbing your vagina, you gotta get out of there. - Self defense. - I also, I'm like crazy with murder and the entire time I was abroad, I was so scared I was gonna be Natalie Holloway. - Where did you study? - I studied in London, but I did not touch a single boy. Well, I was, I know I didn't, I was, I was so, and it was truly the time where I realized you don't need a man to be happy because it was six months where I did not touch a single boy because I had a constant fear in my brain that I was going to be Natalie Holloway. I was going to be Natalie Holloway as I called it. Like I was not, I was not doing it. 

But anyway, I, a lot of things that you said I relate to. So one, being at the lowest point in your life I for the longest time said that my life ended on October 17th 2021 and it would have just been easier if I had died because then I wouldn't have had to go through everything that I had to go through and it just it was not going to get better like this was going to be my sad life forever and it would have just been so easy if I went out on a high note because I was in a really good place in my life when I got hurt of course And you know if I ended there so like I totally get that like not feeling like the light is ever gonna come and like the fact That like I'm as happy as I am now that like I'm having this career. It's just Absolutely insane. I also never thought I'd be doing this and I so relate like I'm eating more than I probably ever have in my life my ordering sometimes tells me that like I'm in 2700, 2800 calories a day. So I'm eating that much. And like, I've never looked this good. So it's just, it's such a quick, like we just, if there is a way to teach-- - It's a mind fuck. - Yeah, it's a mind fuck. And I wish I could teach young girls that, and I know you're probably gonna dive so much into this, especially being a new mom, that like, it's, you don't need to be skinny. Like I want it like skinny isn't good and it's like you don't need to restrict to love your body like there is such a way like right now and it's like now I would say the place I'm in and the place you are in this is actually loving your body because not only are you happy with the way it looks but you're taking we're taking care of it right we're being nice to it. I always say like you can't hate yourself into loving your body. And that's something that really stuck with me because. Oh, that's beautiful. You can't hate yourself until loving your body. I wish someone told you can't because all I would do is inspect myself in the mirror. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this about me. If I didn't have this, I would be doing this. You can't hate yourself into loving your body. You can't. Yeah, it's not possible. You have to you have to start saying, I'm Grateful for this part of my body. I'm grateful that I can move that I can get up and move and just get some perspective in life That is such a thing I talk about. So one of the vertebrae in my neck that I brought or actually I found out that it was the occipital bone Anyway, something in my neck skull, whatever It was the bone that connects your skull to your neck I think it's called the occipital bone if I broken it two more millimeters I'd be a quadriplegic and something that I always tell myself when I'm in class and like it really hurts, like it's a move that really hurts. Something that I always tell me to stay in it is I'm like, I am so lucky to be in pain from this right now. Like I am so lucky to be in pain from doing jump squats. There's something about the pain and the burn from exercise that is just so addicting because if you can get through that, you can get through anything in your day. - Anything. - Anything and everything in your day. - Anything. I say the reason why I like Battleground so much and the reason why I've gotten other people to do it is because I'm like, hey, listen, it's eight a .m. on Fridays, right? So then you have the whole rest of the day. For the rest of the day, you will walk around feeling absolutely better than every single person you talk to. - Battleground, like when I took that test class, I'm like, "Sign me up, this is my jam." - It is so, it's such a fighting high energy class. I love it. I can't wait for you to teach it. - Well, we can also talk about how we met at Heimat and what you love about it. - Yes, yes, 'cause there is a lot that I love, and it is great. And it's great to meet friends that like, something that you connect on and that you do is fitness. And that is like, especially like being in your 20s when the focus is so like on and going out and partying, which I especially am not supposed to be doing anymore, but like, I think the whole... - You have to live your life. - I think the whole country, not just us, but parts of the Europe needs to consume less alcohol. - Yeah, I'm sure everyone on this Earth could probably stand to consume less alcohol 100%. - Yes, yes, but especially with me, I'm not supposed to be doing that anymore. And something that was so hard for me after my accident, 'cause I got hurt when I was 23, is that's all people wanna do, people that were my age. But like what Heimat gave me is like, was I even, or was I 22 when I got hurt? No, I was 23. But what Heimat gave me is like friends that like you connect on and like prioritize exercise and things like that. - Well, that's one of the biggest things in fitness is if you wanna set yourself up for success, as somebody coming in who wants to work on themselves, they have goals, they meet with a personal trainer or fitness instructor of any kind, one of the biggest pillars is community. And if you have a support system of any kind, that is going to help you exponentially to stay on track and get to your goals. There were so many moments in college, and I don't know if you experienced this, but as a girl, like a young girl, I just felt this constantly, even in high school. Judgment, when I would try and eat healthy, or judgment, if I chose a salad over pizza, and I'd get shamed for it. So then I would feel like I have to-- - But also if you did the reverse, you'd get shamed. - Yeah, there was a lot of shame around food. - Yeah. So living in LA, it's, I mean, it's a wellness epicenter. So I love hanging out. I love being in this field. I love to surround myself with people who care about their health and wellness. And I don't surround myself with people who care about it in a scary way because boundaries. But it's really important to have a healthy community around you in order to succeed.

 One of, I had an experience a few weeks ago where I started taking Teo's power yoga amazing. He's amazing. He's the best. And I used to, there was a Core Power on USC's campus. So I'd always take classes there. We even, there was something where you could like work there like two hours a week and your membership was only $100 a month and that you could take a class every single day. So that was like so worth it. So like all the girls did that, like all the girls did that. And I didn't really take yoga once I stopped graduating college and left. I haven't done it a lot. And I didn't do it at HEIMAT for a while. And then I was like I'm because you know we're trying to be nicer to our body, we're trying to love it more. And I'm also waning off my lexapro now. So like a sub I've done to weigh off that is I've been doing a lot of days two classes a day. So like For example, Fridays when I take your reformer, I also take Battleground in the morning. Today I took bar and try. Tomorrow I'm gonna take boxing and Amber's reformer. Like that's like something I've been doing. And so I started doing yoga 'cause I was like, as I level up, we need to be nicer to the body. - Yes. - And I wore a workout set that I owned in college. So I had gone to Core Power in it before. And I was in power yoga, which is heated. And my Core Power was heated, the yoga sculpt. And I looked in the mirror and suddenly, I was 30 pounds heavier, like the body dysmorphia came. Like my heart was pounding. And I've learned, unlike I had so much anxiety the entire class and I was like, I don't know what changed. Like I was like, I thought I've been eating the same. Like I've been working out more like and I sure enough still take it power yoga that's amazing but what I've realized is I cannot take because I can wear that workout set for other classes I wear to power out at the time I cannot take it wear that set to yoga specifically heated power yoga because it just reminds you it literally takes me back to that place I used to be in like in the mirror 30 pounds heavier, like it was the most craziest thing in the world. >> Yeah, people don't understand how much your brain can just like completely change your perception. I can see something, I can see a reflection of myself in the mirror, or at least like years ago, I would look at myself in the mirror and I would see someone who was like 250 pounds. And no matter what anyone would tell me, they could pump me with compliments, they could heighten me up for hours and hours and hours. I still wouldn't accept any of it, because that's what I saw. When you look in the mirror, it's like, it's, you have to, I mean, you have to take care of your mental health. You have to take care of your mental health. And exercise is not restricting, but exercise is the component of that. I always remember, I always remember the quote, it's from Legally Blonde. I mean, you've seen everyone's seen "Legally Blonde." But I remember Elle has a line. I don't know if it's in the movie or the musical, but she has a line where she's talking about how Brooke, or both, where she's talking to how Brooke did not kill the guy. And now I don't think this is necessarily true on all accounts. I'm sure workout instructors have murdered people. But one of the things she says and why she doesn't believe that Brooke killed the guy instantly is like, "She's a workout instructor. Exercise releases endorphins, happy people don't kill people. - Correct. - I'm like, it is so– - Damn. - I'm like, now while I-- - You found the movie. - Yes, yes, and like, so, that is so true. Like it does exercise just so much for your brain in terms of like eliminating the stress and helping me get back to my rational thinking, like stopping nervous energy, but just like making you happier and just also like, again, giving you something that you're winning that and like everything else in your life can be going to shit but you're lifting heavier, you're running farther and you're seeing results. 

And the biggest thing with that, agree with all of that but also you have to learn how to slow down and that is one of the hardest things for me. So your body talks to you, it will tell you every ache and pain, it will tell you if something feels misaligned for the most part. And if you feel like you are just run down, you have to assess, do I go take a heavy lifting class or do an hour of hit training if I feel broken down or I'm near my period? No. No. I'm going to go stretch and I'm going to do something where I can just kind of be mindful in the moment. And that is just exercising and I'm like, no, my energy, I need that. And so I had to come to terms with being like, you know what, if I want to take more than one workout class, it is my job, so I'm moving around all day, I need to expel that much energy, then sure. But if I'm taking it because I feel like I have to, but my body does not want to, then I have to say, you You can't get back. We're like for example like with the taking doubles like for me. It's like it's good for my energy I'm waning off my lexapro that is why I'm doing it's to make me feel better and also like I'm good about I Only do one high impact class the other one has to be a low impact Pact class so like today for example, I just try and then I did barre tomorrow I'm gonna do boxing but then I'm doing a former when I do your reformer on Fridays I do better like I will not do too high impact in

a day. But yeah, but it's just, it's so hard. It's such a double edged sword that's so hard to find where it's like exercise is making you feel better, but you also can't cling to it too much. 'Cause like how I was saying like exercise was the only thing I was winning that, like I took that a little too far. And like, So now we're better because like I things have settled and like I'm but like for a while That was like the only thing That I was winning so like if something came in between me and a workout. I would get fucking pissed I'd get fucking pissed and I remember I Said to one of my friends that I definitely had exercise addiction. I was very much aware of it I still do a little bit, but I was very much we have a we - We totally do, but I don't think it's an unhealthy. - It's not unhealthy anymore. - Right. - It can be a very unhealthy approach to that. - It was unhealthy at this point, but I remember I said to one of my friends, I was like, "Listen, I know it's a problem." And I was like, "But I have so many problems in my life." And this literally is exactly what I did. I was like, "I have so many problems in my life." After those clear up, then I'll address the exercise thing. - Right, one day at a - I don't know if that's exactly what happened. Like surgeries are done, financially stable. Okay, we're adjusting the exercise. - We gotta take things day by day. - You gotta take things day by day. - And for example, with as far as your need to work out, like older version of me, I guess younger version of the older thought process, version of me, today I had signed up for a Pilates class because I was like, you know, I feel like about my period I want something like a little bit more restorative. Yes. But I couldn't make it because I was with the baby and then I started like doing work on my emails and taxes and stuff and and old me would have been like, how dare you skip the exercise? Like that goes beyond that is more important than anything else. Today, I'm saying, "Okay, I wasn't able to make that class. That's okay. Maybe I'll get outside today. I'll stretch my body. When the baby's down tonight, I can always move in my living room." You have to make choices. You constantly, every day, we have to make choices. And it's what you choose on a day -to -day basis that can either make you a better version of yourself or a worse version of yourself. We're all given a hand, we're all dealt with a hand, and it is up to us on how we choose to take these problems that we have and work  on them or spiral and obsess about them in regress. Yeah. regress. So it's up to you. I think we have a lot of power in our choices. So much power in our choices. I'm like, I don't like myself when I spiral and obsess about anything. I don't like that. 

And it's like, as far as like the whole aesthetic of it all, which now I think the best part is I'm not working out for aesthetics. But I think as far as the whole aesthetic of it all, where you're like, ‘the guy will like me if I look better. Like that's why I need to work out.’ It's like, yeah, but also like as, maybe you'll look better, but as soon as the guy realizes like you're fucking crazy. - But it's like, is anyone even gonna notice the five pounds that you're like - - Yes, and no one's gonna notice. - It's just such, it's just there's no - - Only you notice, we're our own biggest critics. 

 - We are, and I'm experiencing it now just being, trying to be as patient as possible with my body and bringing my strength back into my new body. - I wanna dive into that more about your whole journey with pregnancy as it relates to exercise and eating, especially given your history. - So that, again, that was a whirlwind. It was the ultimate test, I would say, to somebody who is in recovery for an eating disorder, is if you have the ability to get pregnant, what happens when food becomes very much? It's always been a necessity, but so much so because you have something else. You're taking care of something. Yeah, exactly. So in the first trimester, I was, I mean, my entire pregnancy, I was severely nauseous. I really personally hated my pregnancy. I can vouch that because Hannah was still teaching classes for a while under her pregnancy. I don't know. Oh, till the month before. Yeah. Okay. So for eight months, you were teaching and she would come into class to teach. Ew. Like my coloring and my skin was gone. Yeah. I was like green, honestly, for nine months. - So pale. - Yeah. - So, so sick. The first trimester, the only thing I could eat was like ramen noodles. - You went through your Doritos face? - Doritos, like things filled with chemicals and just such trash. And I was like, oh my God, what am I doing to my baby? But it was like the only thing I could eat to survive was growing up constantly every single day. So going from eating a really well -balanced diet to kind of whatever sticks was a major mind fuck. Also like I would have to wake up in the middle of the night and need food or before I even picked my head up from the pillow when I woke up, I would have to take crackers. Otherwise I would throw up, immediately would throw up. - Oh my God. - It was unbelievable. So seeing my body change, I am a big proponent of no scale. The scale did scary things for me. I love, my mom is amazing. She's like one of my favorite people on this planet Earth, but growing up into this day, she weighs herself every single day. - Oh really? - Every single day I grew up watching her weighing herself and that does things to your brain. I mean, it ties your worth with a number. So I had to ditch the scale for a long time. Then when pregnancy happened, I wanted to see my number on the scale so I could see, okay, I'm healthy for the baby. It was like a different way to look at it, but it still was not abusing it. I was not going on it every day. - It helped and detach your sort of self -worth from the number you're seeing. - Yes, well, because for years, I did not have a scale in my home. And that's coming from someone who had to have a scale wherever I went, wherever I went and had to weigh myself multiple times a day, which is insane. Like your body, your water weight, and whatever you eat. - It's all changes throughout the day. - It can vary five pounds. - Yeah, especially where women are in their cycle can like, it's a five pound difference. - For me, it's literally five, or was literally five pounds. I don't know, 'cause I don't step on the scale. But I did step on the scale periodically in the doctor's office to just see how I was growing if I was growing properly for the baby. But yeah, I had to learn to increase my calories exponentially and be okay with that. and just know that this was like a survival thing for me. - For someone else. - For somebody else. - That you love so much. - That I love, and my body changed, it changed rapidly. My stomach was the very first thing to show and it showed really fast. I have friends who are well in. - Oh, you showed so early. - So early, and you know, my career, I'm wearing a bra and tight spandex so people look at my body constantly and seeing it change before my eyes was an adjustment. I remember you didn't even necessarily want to "announce it" to HEIMAT, but it was just so obvious. It was just so obvious. People were like, "Oh, I figured you just ate a lot, a burrito or - Well, as someone who like goes to your class weekly, I know you didn't just like eat a ton of food overnight. It was just like one week you looked like this and the one week you looked like this. - Yeah, the belly just came really fast for me and everyone carries differently. So that was definitely a big shock because my abs were kind of like a cell, - Truly at one point, I mean, your body and fitness is very important. So there is pressure that's put on from myself and from others because they see a fitness instructor and they want to see somebody who is healthy and in good shape and unfortunately people will judge. And so that's definitely something that was on my mind. So when started changing in the pregnancy and, you know, for a long time in your pregnancy, you get bigger, but you don't necessarily look pregnant. I really had to struggle with my body changing and being okay with that. I'm obviously my toughest critic. - Yes, yeah. - And postpartum like is wild as well because my body, I have loose skin, my hips are wider, my anatomy has changed, and that's okay. And I'm just learning to accept who I am and just know that I will build my strength back and I'm not going to look at old pictures and be like, I need to look like that. No, I didn't have a child. - You didn't have a child and your body changed. - And I know a lot of women in my life who had babies and worked out throughout their pregnancy and worked out after their pregnancy and before and look so much stronger and better and healthier after kids than even before they had their kids. So for anybody who is afraid to get pregnant because of how it'll change your body, just know it's possible for your body to look the best it's ever looked after. - Okay. - Just gotta give yourself time, patience. - I think - A lot of girls need to hear that. - A lot of girls need to hear that. - A lot of girls need to hear that. Thank you for saying that. Oh my God. - Of course. I need to hear it. (laughing) 

- I just real quick, 'cause I've never met him, but I feel like I know him from your social media. - My husband. - Spencer. - My husband.m - What's just been his role throughout just being your support system throughout any piece of this? Spencer's my rock and it's so interesting because you would think that as somebody who's so obsessed and in love and infatuated with the world of health and fitness that you would find a partner who is as obsessed, if not more so. Spencer is the complete and opposite. He has zero body image issues. He has extreme confidence. And I mean, may my daughter get it all. I, and you know, I hope she sees my confidence now. Mine was a practiced confidence. But it actually was so amazing for me because he just took the pressure off of like, putting worth into like, what food is like, just "Live your life and eat a fucking cheeseburger. "If you want to eat a fucking cheeseburger "for the love of God, "like stopping so afraid to eat something. "Live your life." Like he loves food. He loves food. He's passionate about it. And I love food too. And there were so many years where I just wouldn't allow myself to eat things. And that would just cause a binge and restrictive cycle. So I think being with him has really helped me with balance. and I'm definitely teaching him how to be a little bit more balanced as well. But no, he's quintessential in my recovery and in this career. He's my biggest supporter. He's always pushing me and always proud of me. And when I don't see it myself, 'cause it's so easy to be so tough on yourself, I'm constantly going through imposter syndrome and constantly measuring myself against others, even though I don't want to, and even though I say not to, it's impossible to not. And he's constantly just like slapping me with reality. - Yeah, no, I, the imposter syndrome girl, I, I, with this whole thing, I'm like, why the fuck am I doing, I don't know anything about, I'm like, sometimes I'm like writing my book or I'm thinking about stuff going on with this. And I'm like, I don't know anything about anything. Why am I doing this? - Yeah, But nobody knows anything about anything, so they have to learn and they have to get the experience. It's like, when I even measure myself, there are one million certifications that you can take. And there are so many levels to the learning. And a lot of people just take the basic levels and they're like, okay, I'm certified, I'm good to go. And they don't continue education. - No, you're getting all the levels. - I'm continuously trying to work on that. But I know it takes a really long time and I'm always mad at myself 'cause I'm like, well, why aren't you certified in apparatus? How come you haven't learned barrel, Cadillac, all this? And you're probably wanting to study with me. - I don't even know what those things are. - And I'm just like comparing myself to other teachers and I'm like, wait, they have had apprenticeships with top, top master trainers. I am on a different path. I came from a strength training background. My time will come, I will learn all of that. It doesn't need to be done right now. I need to also live my life. - Life. - And right now your life is being a mama. - Yeah, it's a lot. It's figuring out how to balance that. - Yeah. Oh my gosh. - Lots to balance, lots to balance. And you just get more and more and more on your plate and you figure out, okay, where can I find moments to slow down? Because otherwise I will just keep going, going, going until my husband is like, ‘I'm gonna check you for a second 'cause you're getting super anxious. You're getting super irritated and OCD. I can tell you right now, you're doing too much. You're making too many plans. You're scheduling too much.’ And then I'll at first be so, I'll be so mad.  Let me continue. Let me work on my career.

I need to see my friends. And then I'm like, no, you know what? I need to slow down. I need to take care of me. - Yeah. - It's wild. - I'm the same, I'm the same way. There are so many similarities, which went back to the astrology thing, wouldn't make sense. - Yeah, we gotta\ check that out. - Because Libra and Aries are perfect opposites. (both laughing) But no, I'm the same way. And it's just, it's so nice that he balances you out in that way. - Yes, I'm so grateful for him. - He seems like super dad. - He's awesome. But truly, like I had to work on myself before even meeting him because. that if you have such restrictive energy, that's not, that's gonna deter them. Like energy is so powerful in those ways. There are always people I know where I'm, where like their partner, I'm like, it came into your life like literally when you were ready for it and when you needed it. - Yeah. - Even though you can go, there were years where I was single in college or in high school and just like so upset. Why "Why not me? "Why not me? "Maybe I need to work out more. "Maybe I need to eat better. "Maybe I need to do better. "Maybe I need to look better. "I need to get this surgery and that and this and that." And it's like, "No, you need to love your goddamn self." Yeah, you need to love yourself. No one can love you unless you love yourself first. Exactly. And again, you can't hate yourself until loving you. You can't. So beautiful. I remember when I was like a Tumblr girl in high school. I like people, you know, the suffering for the art in like high school and college. There was like a post there is that I remember seeing where it was like, ‘it is so not true that you need to love yourself before you can love other people because I don't love myself and I have loved you.’ And that 16 year old me was like, ‘yeah,’ I know. You can love other people, but it's not gonna work. And now as I've gotten older, I'm like, no, it's never gonna work if you don't love yourself first. Or if You are actively working on loving yourself. You don't have to be a final draft. You don't have to be the final piece. You can be constantly working on yourself, but you have to want to. - You have to want, yeah. You have to want to get to that place. You have to want it. Only you can want it for yourself. Other people can't want it for themselves. - And there's a lot of people who were in crazy situations like - Yes. - That have done, have just spiraled and trapped themselves into just a horrible negative space. 

And like you are just a walking, literal walking example of the choices you make can determine who you are as a person and how much you can take on. - Yeah, I mean, that's the whole thing with this and what I'm trying to teach. It was like my whole spiritual intervention that I talk about. And like what started this entire thing is I was just like, I don't want to be a sad story. I don't want to, I don't want, I said, I don't want to be that girl from around town who people are like, ‘oh yeah, I went to high school with her and then this thing happened and she like never really got back from that.’ Like I don't want to be that. like I don't want to just be a sad story. So I said, all right, how do I stop doing that? And how do I tell everyone else that's in any kind of similar situation, how they can stop doing that? - Well, you are just a wonderful example. It's like, if it's just perspective, I feel like when I met you, I think I was having a bad body image day or something. Then I talked to you after class, you told me your story and I just was like, "If this bitch can come in here with smiles on her face, lift weights. What's my excuse? What's everyone else's excuse?" You know? Yeah. Well, it's, yeah, it's that and I'm happy. That's also a sign that I get, when you were having a bad day that I showed up, but it's because that was my first time. I'd never taken it before, but that's also when That's also when I'm feeling really bad about the state of everything that's gone with my brain and my body and whatever. I mean, I'm still seeing Dr. Jackson in a chiropractor. - Jackson for life, Dr. Jackson for life. - He's amazing, but all because of like my metal ribs and the metal in my legs. And sometimes literally yesterday I was in the car of my mom and I was talking, I mean, I was on the phone with my mom while I was in the car. And I was talking about how like I'm so stressed with work and I'm so overwhelmed and I have to keep dropping things 'cause people want me to million places and she was like, where are you going to now? And I was like so upset and I was like, the chiropractor because my body doesn't work anymore. So I will always need to be going to a chiropractor. But it's like, yeah, I sometimes get into those spaces, but overall it's like, I think about where it could be. And I meet other brain injury survivors and all the time I meet other disability survivors, who they can't move certain elements of their body or they can't move any part of their body at all. And I'm just like, who the fuck am I to complain about my metal ribs when like, I am so lucky that they were able to find a way to fix them to save my collapsed lung and like, I'm so lucky that someone like Dr. Jackson exists. I'm like, yeah, I need to see him frequently, but I'm able to go to power hour, like all the time. - But you also need to see him because you train like an athlete, you need to recover like an athlete. So, and that's another thing that I preach, preach, preach. You have to recover. - You have to recover. - Because you literally break down muscle fiber when you are working out. You are breaking up the muscle and you need to repair it with rest, recovery, with the food that you eat, with the supplements that you take, with the water you drink. It's like you can't just run yourself into the ground and not recover. So go get yourself a chiropractor appointment, you know? Listen, no matter how truly poor I feel, I'm always going to prioritize wellness and it can be done for a zero dollars in your living room. It can be done for zero dollars in your living room. Yeah. Like it's I always say my dad is like exercise king got me so into it. My dad grew up with the child of immigrant parents his grandfather my grandfather barely spoke English it was primarily Italian like I couldn't understand him I say till I was like 10 and then I talk really fast. So he all the time would be like, look at my dad and be like, ‘what did she just say?; But no money, like, you know, very, very humble beginnings. And my dad exercised King and he obviously did it, especially back in the 60s, 70s. Obviously there was no gym. It was just like, he ran outside. Like you - Yeah. - You can do it. 

The last thing is, so every episode, I have a spiritual recommendation, just like a piece of content that, and when I've guessed, I like guests to recommend things. It could be a book, a movie, a TV show, people recommended podcasts, stand -up shows, whatever. You're a new mom. What is one thing without when Remy is old enough, you would want her to either watch or read or listen to. I know you're varying to books that you think could like help her just like love herself a little bit more. Oh, that is so hard because I pull from so much. I think finding my love for music, well, it will always come back to my love for music. So I want my daughter to listen to all the badass women that I looked up to growing up, that my parents looked up to when they were growing up, that just sing about, write about, preach about, like, you can do whatever you put your mind to. So, I mean, people that moved me, I mean, this goes back to,like, Miley Cyrus is my number one. - Yes, I love her. - She's the best. - Oh my God, she's the best. - When she was Hannah Montana, I was the same age, exact same age as her. I'm two months older than her. Wanted the same life. Like, I'm so obsessed with her. She's the coolest. But just, I want my daughter to listen and take in these confident women. Her Gaga, Stevie Nicks, Beyonce. And just to be like, Taylor and Taylor. Taylor Swift. Listen to these, listen to their stories, listen to their voices, and I hope that you can find confidence. Yeah. And especially just like, not that you can find confidence from all of them, but like a Miley Cyrus I think about specifically, she like went through a phase of like, you know, not being in the most mentally aligned place now. And now a lot of Sometimes she references that place she was in in her life. So it's like, you can still be a fucking badass and go through shit. We all have setbacks. Not supposed to be perfect all the time. I've had setbacks all the time. Far from it, far from it. Yeah. Far from it. Yeah. Perfectionism is toxic. It's toxic. If you hold yourself to that standard. I so often. So often do. And I so often but I can think of so many times in or not so many, but a couple of times within the past couple months or three months where like something has gone wrong and I've been thinking the wrong way and I'm like, what am I thinking? I'm supposed to be talking about spirituality. Why am I thinking this way? I failed, who do I think I am? And it's like, no, we are all allowed to have moments that moments don't define who you are. - Yes, we are all allowed to have moments because then you would just look at your life as black and white and if you had a slip up it would be considered a slip up and a failure but no it's just it's normal that's life it's just the point of a slip up it's a slip it's exactly that you're not going to have the best body image day every single day of your life it's not possible not possible no no 

well thank you so much this was the best I've been looking forward to this for so long so So long, it finally happened. - It happened, and it went by so fast. - I know, I don't even know what time it is now. - Me neither, what time is it? - Oh, wow! - Party! - Oh my God, we did amazing. - We killed it. - All right, well, wait real quick, I forgot this. Tell everybody where they can find you. - Oh my goodness. - Sweat with Hannah. - You can find me on the web. @SweatWithHannahis my Instagram, it's also my email. It's literally everything, sweat with Hannah. You can find me with primarily I am, I'm on Instagram. - Hannah with an H. - Hannah with an H, H -A -N -N -A -H, sweat with Hannah. - And follow her, she's the best. I, I'm gonna be the president of the Hannah Leboff fan club. We're starting now. - I'm ready for it. - I'm diving into it. But yes, as usual, review it, like it, subscribe it, do all the things, share this podcast, live laugh and love it. Thank you guys so much. This has been Gabriella Rebranded. Win most lose some, meeting Hannah was a huge win. But I had to lose a lot of muscle first. Had to do all that. But I got it all back. And then some, which is a win. And then a lot of some. A lot of some. That's the major win. - That's a major win. - Back and better than ever, maybe. - Better than ever. Though I still was brutally humbled by Tower Out. - You know, it's good to get humbled. I'm very humbled right now with my strength being not what it used to be. - Good to get humbled. Thank you. - Thank you.