12 l The Spiritual Party Girl Episode

Being a party girl can make you a good person! My friend, Emily, cohost of the 'Definitely Delusional' podcast, is here to tell you allllll about that. She wanted to restore the rep of untz untz and tell about how music festivals, the dance floor, and how what most identify as taboo debauchery woke her up to the Universe and connects her to her chakras. At it's core, festivals, partying, and dancing are about connection, community, freedom, and love. As a retired party girl (s/o mini SUV's), I absolutely subscribe to this hot take. 

Our banter is impeccable, we rep Calabria, and we do espresso shots in leopard print. Check out our mob wife style (that's ALWAYS been the girls from Calabria's style - my culture is not your costume), hear about how Serena Williams is teaching my editor, Nick, how to crip walk, and celebrate the divine feminine freedom that comes from throwing it back. Plur.

Win most, lose some

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The Definitely Delusional podcast website: https://definitelydelusional.com/

Emily's Recommendation: 

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz & Janet Mills

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-four-agreements-don-miguel-ruiz/1100993587

The Fifth Agreement by Miguel Ruiz, Don Jose Ruiz, and Janet Mills

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-fifth-agreement-don-miguel-ruiz/1100736199

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 1:18 Meet Emily
• 6:06 Spiritual Party Girl
• 9:33 Life Lessons from Almost Dying
• 13:11 Finding Spirituality at a Rave
• 17:16 the LGBTQI+ Community's Influence
• 25:58 Freedom in Movement & Dance: Charli XCX
• 37:33 As Long as You Like You
• 43:25 Don't Take It Personally
• 51:46 Emily's Rec, My Spiritual Moment
• 55:22 Ecstasy Has a Ton of Health Benefits AKA Bye

Transcript

Do you wanna go back to the podcast? - I guess so. - Yeah. - I mean, that can be in the podcast. Just not you saying that you did a (beep) at that one time. - No, please, please go absolutely not. - It was one time. - It was one time. - It was one time. - It was one time. - I took that anti -depressant one time. - I took that anti -depressant one time. - One time. 

"Almost dying taught me how to live. Being struck by a car left me in a three -and -a -half -week coma with 15 broken bones and 16 surgeries to complete, including brain surgery. However, I woke up from that coma in an even greater place than I ever saw for myself. How? The universe will guide you out of the darkness and into the light if you allow it. Often, spirituality comes off as too high -brow. I'm not about that. Welcome to the podcast that talks and teaches about it through the lens of humor. Together, we'll harness positive energy and use it to work with the universe, all while giggling the entire time. Welcome to Gabriella rebranded. win most, lose some.

How do we start this I don't know I don't know I don't know well. Thank you for coming I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. I was so excited for you You have a podcast just as much as I do you should know to start these things Well, I don't know. I feel like I'm looking in a mirror right now. Like what would I feel like yeah? Yeah, I also feel like I'm looking This is - This is kind of weird. - It is. - Oh my God. Is that, is that, it's okay. - You look good, kid. - You look good, kid. You look good. - You look good. - You look good. - And I want to say for the permanent record, this is being filmed in the summer. So. - Oh yeah, this is being filmed in the summer. It is June at the current moment. - Yes. - I think this, I don't know. This episode, it's either coming out this month - this month or next, probably next, but-- - I love that. - It's June, it's June. - Well, if it comes out in July, it's my birthday month, so I'm fine with that too. - Well, oh, we have cancer. - Cancer. - Shall we? - Yes. - Cheers. - Cheers. - With diabolicals, I did do the clink with that. - I saw you do that, I saw you do that. I saw you do that. - I mean, Party girl through and through. I cannot deny it. It's in my bones to be a party girl. - To be? (laughing) - I mean, if you don't make eye contact and you don't hit the table and you don't throw it back, I mean, come on. (laughing) - I didn't finish it. - Oh, I forgot. - I'm a bitch. I left, I left. I mean, there's like nothing left. - No crumbs, right? - No, do no crumbs. I have like one little, - Okay. - Well, I'm the kind of crazy person that after I eat a meal-- - Yeah, me? - Whoa. - What? - What? You crazy? Wait, since when? - You know, it's a newfound thing. I'm trying it on. - Okay. - I'm just kidding. - All right, okay. I'm proud of you. - After I eat a meal, I always want to end it with a double espresso and espresso. It helps me digest and helps me not get tired. So I'll be out to dinner with people and they'll be like, "Oh, does anyone want dessert?" and I'm like, can I have a double espresso? And people think I'm off my rocker. Like, well, it helps me like not fall asleep at the table. You guys want me to keep going. You know, you wanted to go to the next thing. You don't want me tired. You want me ready to go. - And I mean, it makes sense. - Yeah. - It doesn't really shock me that Europe knows what they're doing better than the United States of America. - I mean, everything, hello. (laughing) - I feel like we need to streamline a little - Okay. - Just to, who are, why are we, what is this? (laughing) This is my friend, Emily. She's the host of the definitely delusional podcast. And definitely delusional. That's, it's about being delusional. - Yeah. - And spirituality is, as I was talking about in an episode recently, my fourth episode with my life coach, we're talking about how delulu positive is the only way to live. So definitely delusional definitely features part of delulu positive. - Absolutely, it's a tenet to it. To be positive and delusional, I think it's a great way to live your life. And if you think that everything's gonna go well for you, what do you have to lose? Just go be brave and do it. - Exactly, that's what I fully believe in as well. But anyway, definitely, Emily has this podcast. That's amazing. And as you can see, we believe in a lot of the same stuff. Our banter. I don't know what you guys would rate it as, but I know that it's like looking in the mirror for me. What's that? It's like, when you go like that and it's at the same time. It's like Mulan Reflections. Exactly. Well, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here and I'm excited that our friendship has blossomed these past few months of knowing you. It was like talking to someone I've known my whole life and it's been so wonderful just getting to know you better and seeing how similar we are. And it's a very good positive relationship in my life. I'm very grateful for you. - I'm very grateful for you. We have a lot of weird similarities and it's like because of that, it's like really knowing some, it just, you feel like, even though you're not from where I'm from, because your cultural background is similar to mine. - Wait, you're from, are you from New Jersey or you're from New York? - You're from New York. - I don't get a choice. - Don't get a choice. - Don't get a big stuff. - Cultural background, I mean that we're Italian and we're from, but no, more than that. We're Calibrese. - Calibrese.

- Calibrese. I'm half Calibrese. or I forget if you're a fuller half. - I'm half, I'm half Calibrese. - Okay, we're both half calibrated. That's what it is. (laughing) So we're probably like third cousins because there's not a lot of people in Calabria. - I can see it, I can see it. - I could see it, it's like looking in the mirror. (laughing) 

- What's so funny is, you know, when we're talking about like what do we talk about? Like how can we glue this into spirituality? And I'm gonna say something that's if people are gonna either get it or they don't. I found my spirituality actually through being a party girl. And that sounds so counterintuitive. If people are gonna be like, a party girl, what do you mean? So I feel like, party girls get this rap of like you're irresponsible, you're just going out, you're wasting your time. No, I've found the best networks of people, I've found myself, I've found self -acceptance, and I've really learned what it means to be a good, responsible friend, 'cause when you're going out and you're being social, like there, of course, are risks that you take going out and you have to be safe, and you have to be mindful of everyone else around you. Are they being safe? Do we need to go home? Did someone maybe have a little bit too much to drink? And it really taught me not only about caring for other people in a social setting, but also how do you trust yourself? Like, is the vibe that you're bringing, is that something that's lifting people up? Is that something that's bringing people down? Are you aware of your time in your space or your proximity to people? Like, you learn a lot about yourself socially when you're put in social situations like that. Yeah, and also your day job is your nurse by day. Yeah. So you're a nurse by day. So I,

so I imagine that is such like a healing people like being a healer is connected. Like if you care about being a healer, which obviously you do as a nurse, that is definitely in part connected to like, you know, just empathy and like really caring for the souls of others. So how you saying how being a part of girl makes you a better person, you get to exercise. a little bit. I'm always aware of other people and I want to make sure that other people are enjoying themselves and enjoying themselves safely, which I think is paramount. When you're having a good time and you're ripping up the dance floor, it's like, okay, but have you had water? You're sweating kind of hard, honey. (laughing) We're gonna need to get some water. (laughing) - And I'm a retired party girl. I'm a retired party girl, 'cause Sometimes a car comes along and knocks you out of that party girl face. But when you told me, when we were talking, because we have such a good chemistry and we have such a good banter, and we were talking about like, "Oh my God, you have a podcast. I have a podcast. We have to do an episode." And you were like, "I want to talk

about how being a partner girl has connected me more to other people and helped me be a better person." I can't do that anymore, but I was so like, "This is the perfect place for you to give this take. Give this take." - It's a hot take. And some people, when we disagree, some people are gonna be like, "I think this girl is out of her mind." And this girl's killed one too many brain cells in her day. And I'm like, "No, no, no, I've expanded more." I've created new neural connections, baby, don't you worry. (both laughing) - You're Canadian ones every weekend. - Exactly. Well, I have a question for you. - Yes. - Because you had a near-death experience. - Yes. 

- Do you feel that since you had this experience, and it was... a better job of reminding, I need to make an effort to remind myself more frequently, which I've been really good about doing. The past like couple months I've started to be really good about reminding myself like hey, like it what my experience did give me is one never say never because just because something has a really a chance of happening doesn't mean it won't happen. It told me to stop fucking putting things off because like you truly do not, you don't know if you're gonna be here in five minutes. So like I, if you are given an opportunity and I'm not saying something dangerous or reckless, but if it's something like just like, go make a move on that guy, like in a cute, flirty friendly way. I'm not saying in like a date rape situation. I'm saying like, I'm saying like out and about. - I'm saying like, yeah, like fucking do it. Like, or sort of, or just like, if you're like, oh, I'm the fence about leaving your job or staying in your job or leaving your job or staying in your job or leaving it, fucking leave. Like, you know, just do it. Like, it's kind of like you just do it. That's the only thing that taught me. No, but I definitely think that. And then it also, when you have an experience like I did, it puts together what really matters and what's really important in this world, which everyone should know, but not everyone realizes. And then something like this sort of wakes you up to what really matters and what's really important. And this is what I've been really reminding myself of lately and like really taking stock is it's like, if your family is doing well. If your health or your loved ones, maybe you're not close with your family, but your loved ones are doing well. If your health is okay, if you have a roof over your head, nothing really fucking matters. Like, I've so much of the stupid shit, because when you're a young adult, like 20s, 30s, teens, like the things people can get upset or start drama over is so stupid, and so trivial. And even as I've been going through it, I've seen people in their 40s do the same. So you never really, some people never grow up, but it's put it to perspective for me, how much of that doesn't fucking matter. And some people can like, I can tell they want to cut me down, my haters, they want to cut me down so badly. And it's like, nothing you are doing or saying really matters at all. Back to what can be in the episode. But yeah, that's what I would say it gave me about living. That was a little bit of a long speech. - No, I think it's wonderful because I said at the other side of the bed, I have this experience as a healthcare provider and I see life and death all the time and I'm very comfortable with death. It's made me that much more grateful about life and living in the moment and taking that trip and telling that person that you love them and really accepting myself radically, which I found my spirituality in the craziest way. 

I was actually at a music festival in 2018. So parties can bring you closer to the universe. Oh my god it actually from the people that are very big into like the rave scene or the party scene a lot of us I would say majority have very very deep spiritual ties. Really? Yes. Okay. My story is kind of kind of crazy. I went to a music festival in 2018. Okay. And I actually went by myself out out of state, I was 25. - You went by yourself to be a successful girl. - Girlie, girlie, I was very brave. I mean, I'm an only child, so my whole life, I've kind of grown up with this hyper -independence. - Yes. - I was like, my mindset is, if I wait for someone to hold my hand, I'm never gonna get to where I need to go. So I need to take that jump, and I have to trust that whatever's gonna be meant for me will catch me, and it'll help me go. So I went to the music festival by myself, and back when Facebook was a bit more popular, I went through the groups of the people that were going and found people to stay with, but by and large, kind of was doing my own thing. I had my own agenda going. Didn't really stay with the group that I was staying in the hotel with and was kind of solo questing, and it was the very last day, and I was completely by myself, and I will never forget this. I was at his artist, his name's Eric Pritz. He has a lot of like progressive house and just like he was creating music that I had never really heard before. Very different from his mainstream stuff, like his call on me with the girls and like the music video working out. Like he has some very big mainstream stuff but he never plays it when he has sets. But it was the very last day, it was on a Sunday and I remember just being by myself and I was really connecting to this music and I felt in that moment it was almost like, I don't want to say a beam of light because that makes it seem like I'm like crossing over into like another dimension but I was completely coherent, mind, body, soul completely all connected and when I was listening to his music I just felt like whatever was inside of me got plugged into something and almost like electric and I had this this download of this higher knowledge that was like, you are safe, you are loved, you are accepted, you are you, you are perfect the way you are. And I remember, I started crying. I was just like, what is going on? I'm like, and I was like completely in my own world. It felt like I just had this protective sphere around me. And I was like, oh my God, I figured it out. And then I texted my really good girlfriend. She's like my sister. The first time we met each other, our eyes locked and it's like,\I've known you in so many lives. And I was explaining to her and she goes, like it found you, you found it, you know. You've known this whole time, haven't you? And I was like, I've known this whole time, right? And she's like, it lives with you - It is, right? And it was completely by myself. And then I just, after that, I saw the world differently. I was like, the universe provides baby. Like I am this divine, beautiful person. And I've walked with that ever since. Well, it's crazy. - What your friend said is also so true because the universe is inside all of us. And it's like, it's just subconscious. And then something happens that brings it to the surface. So like in my episode that we're recording because I didn't like the way it came out, but in my episode about my conversation with the universe while I was on shrooms, I did have a conversation with the universe while I was on shrooms, but really I knew all that. Deep down shrooms are just what brought it to the surface, but I knew all that deep down. So it's like the same, you knew all that was always inside you and also like how I say, "plur, peace, love, unity, rave." Like that's what like raves are supposed to be. Like it's supposed to be, like it has such a rep of like this drug frenzy, but it's supposed to be. 

- Yeah. Well, I think understanding a lot of the music that we know now like house music, which I love originated from disco, which was created by people of color and people that were LGBTQI + that is, there's Disco and Disco was a place where you could dance and it was counterculture and you could be free and you could live your life. Yes, there's been drugs, you know, throughout our entire history, like there are drugs or drugs, they're everywhere, but people were living expressively and at a time where there was so much, you know, pushback on civil rights. There's pushback with, you know, gay rights, this was a place that you could be yourself. And then the rave scene came about, it was people that were misfits, the kids that never really fit in a little bit off, like not the cool kids, and it was underground, it wasn't this big mainstream thing it is now. So it's become evolutions of itself. And it's great that we're filming this during Pride, Pride Month, and I owe so much of my spirituality and my self -acceptance to these safe spaces that people of color and LGBTQI+  have created for me to find myself. And I'm forever indebted to their bravery and their ability to create safe spaces. And that's, you know, when I go to clubs or even when I go out to the gay bars, like I'm in awe of how beautiful people are when they radically accept themselves. - Yeah. - It's so, it's the way it should be. - Yeah, it's amazing. - And it's awesome. talking about good dancers, bad dancers, and I've never been a good dancer. And now, especially the balance center, my brain doesn't work, so now I don't even try. And even like, I don't wanna try. And what this girl was saying to me while she was doing my nails, she was talking about how we were good dancers versus bad dancers, 'cause she was talking about JLo's recent performance. What she was saying to me is she was like, listen, she was like, if you're a good dancer, or like she doesn't mean like you're winning like a dance performance, like you're getting like you're competing professionally. And then you used to be dancer. So we'll circle back and talk to that. - Totally. - But she was like, if I think you're a good dancer or a bad dancer, she goes, it honestly just has to do with if you look comfortable doing it, if you look comfortable doing it, that's all it is. And that is so true about the communities that have been greeted, like, especially at gay bars. Like, I've never felt more free at a gay bar. Like, I am not someone who drops it and at a gay bar, I fucking drop it. Like, no, my friends who have gone from me to a gay bar like one time are like, I've never seen you do. You were killing me on the dance floor. Like, where is that person? - Yeah. - Because I feel comfortable. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And you should feel that way every day. - I know. - I know. Well, in my mind, 'cause I did grow up in the dance community and I'm actually at the ripe old age of 31, about to be 32. I'm taking classes regularly. - And it's been amazing for my self -confidence and just the connection to the divine feminine, which we'll talk about in a bit. - The video you posted recently, I just have to shout you out real quick. The video in your heels class was fucking insane. And I remember, I didn't know you had a dancing background and you posted an Instagram story on Memorial Day weekend of you like, fuck it, I like, at some club, like shaking your ass. And I was like, oh my God, girl can dance. And then you post the video of the steps class and the heels and I was like, oh no, Shadi can dance. And then I found out, 'cause we're recording this, that you used to be a professional dancer. - Well, we're competitive. - Competitive, yeah, growing up, it's, I think. Okay, you'll appreciate this. Okay, growing up, you know, my mom danced, she did dance classes, and then of course, like it just goes on the pipeline. And, you know, I think in my mind, do you remember "Dirty Dancing"? - Yes. - I swear to that movie, like, I don't know what it did, but it rewilded my neural pathways when I was a child. My mom was like, "You should watch "Dirty Dancing." And the scenes when they were… It looks good in your mind, but if you were to pan on that, you'd be like, oh my God, what are they, it's flailing. But it doesn't matter 'cause in my mind I look great. But no, I think that's the best thing, the connection. I think that that is like out and about just dancing with people. And it's like, I have a lot of guy friends. It's, you know, they're gay, but the way we dance together, I'm like, oh, this is so hot. And there is nothing sexual about it at all. It's just like us connecting and dancing and moving as like one unit. And it's like the coolest feeling in the world when you can connect with somebody like that, you know? - Yeah. - And if it's, you know, if it's a straight guy and there's a dance floor make out, then bonus points for me. But if not-- - The bonus points for me? - I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll put that on a win on the hash board.

 - Unfortunately, I feel like when it comes to like the skills of dancing, it often isn't the straight guy. - Yeah, wait, am I my best? - It's fortunate, it's fortunate. - In my Jillian skin. - Listen, when it is, it's incredible. I just don't feel like it's thick. - But when it is– - It's a good thing you're in West Hollywood, that's how we're all happy. - Give me a call when it is. (laughing) - I'll break the fourth wall on that. - I'll break the fourth wall. - I'll break the fourth wall on that. - Does anybody have Chatting Tatum's cell phone number? - Okay. - Nick? No? - I was. - Nick, knows Serena Williams. - No way. - Yeah. - Oh, I love that. - No, that's right. - No, that's terrible. - No, like he's teaching her, she's teaching him how to Crip Walk. - Oh, it's perfect. - Like they're friends, okay? - Like, yeah. - Well, I did crush that at the Super Bowl. - She deserves it. - She crushed that. - She take her flowers, she deserves it. Get it girl. - Yeah, like bow down. - Yeah, I did get on stage at Magic - Mike though, 'cause yeah, there was whole, the part, the lap dance part, I was definitely on the stage. And the part with like, that other people have done where they like carry you, and I was just like, I'm gonna be weightless right now, just do whatever you wanna do. - Do whatever. - And now I'm on the floor, my legs are up, and I'm like, sorry, mom. (laughing) - Sorry, mom. - Sorry, mom. - Also, do you still have the flexibility from your days as a dancer? - You know what? I hit a middle split - Oh, did you hit a middle split? - Yeah, I did. On the improv part, I was, so we were dancing in Doja Cat, and it was, it was called, it's one of our songs that's like really, it's really popular, but the way our excerpts are just like, they're sexy. Like, it's straight up. And part at the end, you just improv the end, and I don't know why I decided to hit a middle split, but today I am feeling it, so. - Don't you - Don't you feel a little-- - I'm feeling a little bad. - That means we can-- - Feel a little bad. - So now we know we just need to stretch more. - Yes, stretch more. - Yeah. - Can you twerk in a split? - No, you know what? I'm gonna work on that. - I feel like that fits with your personality. - Yeah, I will, one day. - I think, okay. - I'll get it back. - We can coach you. - One day. - Do you think maybe Samoura can help? - Honestly, she probably could. - She probably could, at least, giving you the energy and the beats. - I agree. - I don't know if any of the instructors at Heimat are dancers, Kiara is, but she's leaving. - I know, I love her. - I don't know who she is. - I love her. This is so funny to me. What, was something that I know you wanted to talk about which I think is so interesting. - Divine Feminine. - Yes! - Okay, got it, got it. - Divine Feminine. - Yes. - Okay, I'm like a little sweaty. Can I like, can I have a shake? - I gotta take the shit off, sorry. - We're taking a break. - I'm like, why am I in a break? - Should I switch to my shawl? - Oh yeah, you should like, costume change. - Okay. - This is great, this is great. That's showbiz, baby. - That's just showbiz, baby. - That's just showbiz, baby. That's showbiz, baby. Come prepared. 

Yes, okay, how do you wanna start this? - Do you wanna intro me in. - So what I wanna talk about next is because you've been talking so much about, I love talking about how like raves and being a party girl, you feel has connected you to like the earth and your soul in a way. Because I think it's, we need to stop having like taboo things be taboo. And I think there are a lot of things that come off as bad that like-- - Oh yeah. - Are really, so like I think it's beautiful and I'm so glad that we're having a conversation about it and that I'm learning 'cause I myself am not a raver. But I also wanted, I know you'd mentioned this before, that you thought dancing at these raves and everything. One, how is that different than your time competitive dancing? Because I know your time competitive dancing wasn't the nicest to your body. Oh, yes. Okay. So I, this was a breakthrough that I had. Okay. You know, when I was competitively dancing, like everything was choreographed, everything is structured. And, you And at the time, you are a teenager in the whole world. You feel like you have to look a certain way or be a certain way and growing up in diet culture. Like you feel like if you don't look like this or you don't have a quote unquote dancer's body, like you're not gonna be successful or you feel like you're failing in some way. So when I stopped competitively dancing, I went to college. I still did stuff with dancing in college, like dance from a sorority did like, you know, a girls group that was like old, you know, old dancers and sorority girls that wanted to get together and perform. And actually now they compete and they are insanely good. Like, we didn't compete. Yeah, they flipped it. I mean, we took like a little, a little student run college dance team and like we gave them the foundation, but they've taken off and exploded with it. I'm so proud of them. You gave, you gave the foundation. Yes, - Okay, okay, do you want one of the original? - Yeah, yeah. - So, so, all right. - Those are the originals. - So they were only able to run because you walked. - Yeah, we crawled, so they would run in marathons now. But what was nice is when I started going to festivals and raves and at that time, you're just dancing. Like there's no one telling you five, six, seven, eight. You have to hit this count at this this time, you move with what feels natural, you move with what the music tells you, you move spiritually, it comes from your soul. It's not planned, it's all improved. And then I started thinking about the concepts of when do I feel my best? When do I feel most goddess? Like when do I feel like I am a whole person? It's when I'm free on that dance floor. It's when I'm moving. It's when I'm connecting. And then I thought about like, okay, these buzzwords, like what is divine feminine? What is divine masculine? I'm sure people have heard that. And they're inherently traits that are deemed more like masculine or more feminine. And I in no way should perform subscribe to that you have to be in a box. Like to be a man, you have to be like masculine in this sense. And to be feminine, you know, or to or to be a woman, you have to be like this. You need to have a mix of both things. And this idea of like divine feminine is the energy of creativity, of intuition, of receptiveness, of empathy. And I'm thinking of like, what gets me going? And it's like, well, dancing. And up, you know, the energy like your chakras. - Yes, yes. - So you have your seven chakras, which is how your energy flows throughout your body. - So you have your root chakra, which is your first, your sacral, which is your second, and that's in your pelvic region. And then you have like your solar plexus, your heart, your throat, your third eye and your crown. And your second chakra, which is your sacral, is that's like how you move. That's your creativity, that's your sensuality. - Okay. - Yes, and it's tied, it's like water, and of course I'm like a water sign, but things that make you feel creative, and that's dancing, that's movement. And when you're moving this energy, that might feel stagnant, or you feel kind of like shitty about yourself, moving your body innately makes you feel better. And when you're on the dance floor and you're hitting it, and you're moving your hips, and you feel like the sexiest person in the world, It's, okay, but that's that energy. That lives inside of you. And that helps everything else flow. - Okay. - It's kind of-- - And it's a little woo -woo, but it makes sense, right? - No, I'm getting it. And it lives inside all of us. And you think like the rave scene and like being a party girl. But like being a party girl in a way that's like not a party girl, frat guys. Being a party girl that's in - Mm -hmm, and pathetic way is what is able to bring that and you don't feel like that was really able to come out of you in competitive dance. - No, it wasn't and this kind of leads back into, I guess the next thing with the spirituality of like the five agreements of like don't make assumptions and don't believe everything you hear, be skeptical and be kind to I haven't seen all these words in the spiritual book that I'm reading. And I thought to myself, you know, as I'm deconstructing all these narratives of, you know, as a woman and as like a feminine person, like my whole life, it's never been a narrative of like, who do you think you are? It's society telling me who I have to be. - You have to be, yes. - My body needs to look a certain way. I need to appear a certain way. I should tone it down. I should be this I should be not that and it's not until I see other people like Charli XCX at Coachella Literally stomping down that runway crawling on the ground Screaming into the microphone, and I'm like that Makes sense to me. Yeah, that is just so raw. That's that's her Energy not constrained to what society thinks she should be She's out there. She's literally doing whatever Whatever whatever she's not a classically trained dancer. No, and she doesn't care and I was like that makes sense Because also when he's what she plays I remember, uh, do you know? Oh, well, I forgetting his name He's one of the Peloton instructors that everybody like Cody One time I was doing one of his classes and he talked about seeing, when he saw Charli live, and he said his favorite thing, and it's, I need to give him credit because now I've realized it, but I only realized it because he said it, was that he was talking about when he went to Charli’s concert, and I've never seen her live, but I've seen, I've seen like, I watched her entire Coachella set on my laptop, and yes. - You were there, honey, you were there. I was there. - Well, no, not while it was live, but after the fact. I was like, I was like, I just need to see this. She's incredible. But what he said, and it's so true, is that when she performs like 75 % of the time she's up there by herself, only 25 % of the time are their back -up dancers. It's just her vibing for like 75 % of the time and the audience is losing their minds. - It's absolutely feral. I love that. I love people like that, just raw. They're not, it's not choreographed. Well, I'm sure some of it has to be choreographed, but like it's it's unfiltered. Yeah. Well, I don't I think I mean I don't know Charli XCX personally wish I did but I don't think she became like this overnight She's been hustling and going at it like she's been on the music scene like since like 2010 like it's not like this happened overnight So I think for her to step into that remember when she was featured on an Iggy Azalea song from - I'm not a kind of pop. I've been riding with her since Icona pop. - Wait, oh my God, wait, she was in Icona pop? That's where she comes from? - I don't care, I love it. - She's I love it, no, I know who Icona pop is. She's I love it, I thought she might've been. - Her discography is insane. - Okay, there, okay, there she is. But she's had some like, funk and hits, but now she's like, a movement. - Yeah, she has, she's brat, brat makes sense to me. Brat totally is like, That whole album, it was like, I get it. Like I truthfully get that album. There's a couple other ones, and of course they're all female artists that I completely relate to, but. - I love that album. - She's a club girl. I mean, Charli’s definitely a club girl. She's that London girl. - Oh, she's definitely a club girl, she's definitely a club girl. Except me and my roommate were actually, and then we'll go back to the content, but we're taking an intermission to talk about Charli XCX. My roommate and I were actually, we were having the debate, my roommate was like, 'cause in her line, she talks about some ex, I mean, her songs, she talks about some explicit drugs and drug paraphernalia, one that is reflective of snow. - Absolutely. - And she, I was picking up what you were putting on long time ago. - They were picking up, we want to keep the podcast, you know, relatively safe from haters. - I want to keep my job, I want to keep my day job. - I don't, we're not saying, no, we're talking about something. And my roommate and I, we were talking, we were like, how much do you think that's, 'cause we know to an extent it has to be true. But we were saying, how much do you think it's a persona and how much do you think it's true? Because she's fucking working. She's playing shows and shows and shows and shows. And like, to some extent, she might need some of that to keep her up and keep her going. But also to some extent, because she's been the longevity of her career, she's been at it for so long, you obviously can't be at it. You will burn out eventually. - I don't know. - She hasn't burned out. So there's gotta be some restraint, 'cause she's a burned out. So how much is the persona and how much is the rumor? - I don't know. I mean, it is hard. It is hard. Some of these DJs, they have to go sober for a while 'cause I can't fucking do it anymore. Some of them are like, If I go to one more thing completely out of my mind, like, it's not good on your brain. - Well, I mean Avicii, look at what happened to Avicii. - He was pushing too hard, I think. - Yeah, he was pushing really too hard. - Since he was a child. - Yeah, too much. - And he was sick, yeah. - Too much, fuck you up. See. - That's why you got to protect your brain. - That's why you got to protect your brain, which you, that's why that's kind of what you champion, yeah. - No, I think, I feel like I've had a lot of very spiritual learnings on shrooms. So like they're a natural drug, but like some near them comes from there. And what some people theorize is that no humans only have control of like 90 % of our brain. Oh, absolutely. Or like not even 90%. We only have control of like 10%. Like there is one of the many theories about magic mushrooms is that they unlock a little bit more of that brain potential. Well, there's a theory that we evolved from, we evolved because of magic mushrooms that it created. So like, as people were like fucking around and eating stuff, someone was like, wait a minute, they like took the magic mushroom and they were unlocked a part of their brain to grow consciousness. Oh, there's a whole theory on that. Oh, for evolution, whole theory on evolution of how we developed from primates into that, just due to us that our brain is developing in those ways and creating those pathways. Oh yeah, I'll get you turned on to that later. - Okay. - Do you want to go back to the podcast? - I guess so. - Yeah. - I mean, that can be in the podcast. Just not you saying that you did a (beep) at that one time. - No, please go absolutely not. - It was one time. - It was one time. - It was one time. - It was one time. - I took that anti -depressant one time. - I took that anti-depressant one time. - One time. - That's - That's all it is, high -dose antidepressant. 

Anyway, so I do, I have another thing to loop that back. - Okay. - Okay, so we talk about like-- - This is why, this is amazing. - This is how my brain works, man. - This is why, this is to Italian woman, like how we can just make something out of everything. - Yes, no, that's what I love about it. - Like how I made the story of my boobs about spirituality. - That was insane. - That was art, honey. - That was art. - That was art. - That was art, baby. - That was art. I'm currently trying to figure out how I can make fake nails and tie that in. - We gotta keep a light, we gotta keep a light. It's a very, very serious place. So, you know, I just had this another connecting thought when it comes to like chakras and like, you know, we're talking about people like Charli and how they are unapologetically themselves. So the flip side of like the positive aspects of your second chakra, the negative aspects are guilt, shame, repression. So when you think about, you know, your whole life about the things you were shamed for, or like women, your sensuality, your sexuality is shameful, because you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. So when I connect to myself, like whole body, like why should I feel shame in the body that I was given, or feel like It's not enough when it does so much for me as it is. I'm healthy, I'm able to move. And if I don't embody all of these beauty standards, so what? If you don't like me, so what? The beat goes on. I like me. I like the way I feel right now. I like the way I'm kind to other people and I hope they to do when they're around me. So if you don't like me, okay. - It's so great that you're there because I know it's so much better that like it's your opinion of yourself and not the opinions of others. And that's like ego versus soul but it is so hard to actually connect like so that like as long as only I like me and that's something that I'm working on and you just like have got, like, you just have got it. - Well, it's hard. And I will say that day to day, I have to work, I have to work through the unprogramming of the self -doubt of, well, why doesn't this person like me? And, you know, for so long, I was like living for the opinions of other people. Like, why doesn't that guy like me? Or why am I not accepted by this group of people? And, you know, why does it feel like I'm not measuring up to this it's the standard that they've created is just like it's unrealistic so you're like running around on this hamster wheel in your brain constantly thinking if you if you are this way or that you're that way then then somebody will like you and then you're going to get this next thing and all the while realizing do you do you even really like that version that you would be? Is that even authentic to who you are? Yeah there's you like it yeah - Yeah, there was a quote that I saw like weeks ago that it said, "There are some people who are gonna love you no matter what you do,"and then there are other people who are not gonna love you no matter what you do." And I was like, that's, realize it made me really think about the cycles or the loops I've been with specific people or specific groups of people where I've over the years tried to be all these ways or do all these things that aren't authentic to myself because I'm trying to get them and they're n - And I was at this thing that I've started, the Hike Club, oh my God. Yeah. I forgot to, it's also next Sunday. Wait, this coming Sunday. I'll be out of town. Okay, but then it's not the, perfect. Yes. But anyway, some girls shared something and I was like, I need to be better about that. And like, I'm trying so hard. Where She was like, "I was in an argument with someone. They were coming at me for something. And I realized like, I know myself So what they were criticizing me for, I know is not me. And I was just like, okay, in my head, I clearly triggered them. I touched some sort of trigger. So, and this is the reaction. So like, I like said to them like, ‘All right when you were in a better place, we will talk about this. But I am not going to entertain stuff that I know to not be true because I know me.’” And I was really thinking about that. And I was like, I was thinking about a situation a bit ago that happened a couple of months ago. And I was thinking about a situation that happened in the following just this past week recently where like what I was criticized about or people called me out for. And in one time, it was in a very, like, health, like a very healthy friend, but it was, like, very clearly situations where it was just, like, I triggered areas of people to respond in the ways they did. But I know that things they said both times, blatantly not true, and, like, it's not my responsibility to, like, be constantly aware of every single person I talk talk to’s trigge, not every person is aware of mine. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, well, that's funny. 

So the book I'm reading is The Five Agreements. - Yes. - And one of the agreements is-- - Oh, this is a recommendation, right? - Yeah, one of the agreements is don't take things personally. - Don't, yes. - Yeah, everybody is li=ving their own reality. And you may feel like you are seen in this way, 'cause this is the reality you're living in. But that person probably doesn't view you in that way. You're not as important in that person's reality as you are in your own. - Yeah. - And don't take things personally and don't make assumptions about what people are thinking. And don't believe everything you hear. Be a little skeptical. - I've been trying to be so much better. - You know your truth. - Yeah. - You know that. There's no need to explain it. There's no need to, I'm glad that you didn't get in that rabbit hole of like, but they have to believe me. But if I present my case, then they're going to think that, that what I'm saying is true. And it's like, they're going to either think it or not. And I know, you know, you lately, I've been doing such a better of just being like, you don't need to plead your case. You don't need to always explain your like, you know, you, yeah, - It's all right, like, it's just, yeah. Like, how people treat you is like, how people treat you, I've said this a million times. It's a reflection of others. It's not a reflection of you at all. So like, if someone is really rude and disrespectful to you, like, that's their own thing, that is not, that is not you at all. And I think, - I think I personally, and I wish everyone could be like this, I feel like something I've gotten better about is sometimes when somebody does or says something that does really upset me. And like, it's a friend that I very much don't wanna keep. And I know it was just like something that lost in the ether. And I know that it was something that primarily triggered me is I say when I talk to them about it like, "Hey, You doing that or saying that triggered this in me because this is something that I've been battling with So I know you didn't mean it that way, but I just want you to be like Because I love you because I value you I want to make sure that you don't you know Trigger me again like I want us to keep moving forward in a productive manner” And I wish everyone could come at you with that self awareness. - Yeah, I mean. - I'm just perfect at everything. (laughs) - That's what I'm saying. - No, that's, no, believe me, I'm somebody who's fucking crazy. I've really had to work on that one. - It reminds me, Scott Disick had this really funny take. He's like, "I just think everybody else is a problem. I'm the perfect one." And he's like, "I don't know, I don't know what they're talking about." - Literally, I just think that everyone else is the problem. - But yeah, - Everyone else. - It's not me, it's everybody else. And I think that's something I've had to work through throughout my whole life is not taking things personally 'cause I was a kid, you're just so sensitive. And I'm like, yes, okay, I'm sensitive. I think I've always been somebody that picks up on energy of other people and I would internalize it. And I would always be like, oh, catering to other people's emotions and wanting to make everything so much better and always being gracious and kind and all these things, and I would take things so personally, and now I'm kind of, as I'm becoming more secure with myself, and really enjoying who I am as a person. Like, okay, if a guy wants to ghost me, okay, bye. Like, I'm not gonna plead my case. Like, yeah, what am I gonna do? Chase after you, like, bye. You know, and same for me to other people too. Like I hope, you know, if it's important for relationship, please always tell me. - Oh yeah, it's important for relationship, tell me, yeah. - But it's something that's just like trivial, you know. I don't mean to hurt people's feelings. That's not my, not my stick in life, but, you know, I want to don't take things so personally. I'm sure like I make things so much bigger in my head than what they are. - Everyone's the main character of their own universe. I am so guilty of this. I've had to work so hard on it, I make everything about me. We talked about this, I can't tell. Oh my God, we did, we talked about it. All right, we did. I make everything. Everything's about me all the time. Everything's about me all the time. So whenever this slightly most disrespectful thing is done to me, I'm like, this is clearly an attack on my entire platform. And I took that personally. And I took that - I took that very personally. It's like that, just, just, just what? (laughing) We're all the main characters of our own universe. - Yeah, as you should be though, it's your life. You get to write your story. - As you should be, you're not gonna be the main character of anyone else's universe. So you gotta make yourself the main character of your own. But that being said, you also have to understand that everyone else has got their own universe going on. So you're not the main character of their universe. So they're not thinking about you when they make 99 % of decisions and say 99 % of things. Absolutely. And, you know, with that knowledge that we know, you know, it's all about who you want to co -create with and who wants to co -create with you. Yeah. That's what it's about. Who's going to meet you halfway and create something freaking awesome, like create your own dope little dream together or, you know, that's platonically or romantically and, you know, who wants that shared dream with you is what it's all about. And for me, it's like, I'm down to share like, the shared dream on the dance floor, if that's what everyone's vibing to. - Yeah, and I feel like the dance floor, the dance floor is like the epitome of not taking things. How comfortable everyone is, this is the epitome of not taking things personally. because the only way you're able to be that comfortable is you wouldn't take any criticism personally. - Yeah, exactly. Now, if you do whatever you wanna do and I'm so grateful for creative people, I'm so drawn to people that create things or whether it's art or it's music or it's movement or it's anything creative, I'm drawn to people like that. It's probably why I have such a thing for DJs. (laughing) That's my own toxic trick. I'm like, "Hit that beat." That's why I'm such a thing for DJs. That's why I'm such a thing for DJs. I know it's like the A red flag in LA. They're like, "Oh, God." Yeah, I'm like, "Oh, God." You think for DJs? I do. I'm troubled. That's a tough place to be. That's a tough place to be, but I want to be the girl on the platform dancing for everybody. I just want to be the girl on the platform just bearing my soul for the world. I think the one thing I can be thankful uh to my sensitivity to hearing and also over simulation is that I will never have a thing for DJs because I'm like I can be in that atmosphere that that's painful how do you do that? Well you know I'm a masochist so there you go. hi if I mean it's 12 noon on a monday at space miami that's like my dream place - I saved a few ravers. - Saved a few workers, but I was back at the house, not front, but that was really fun. It was really fun, you know, and how do you blend things that you're passionate about and your job and doors open for you you'd never expect. I mean, like in what beautiful reality would that happen? And it happened. - It happened. - And I hope more things like this can continue happening because

there are things that genuinely align with what sets me on fire. - See, yeah. - I would love for you, if another time you were your nurse at Coachella, 'cause obviously you'll do that again, for you to work the front of the house with the festival goers and just see what. - Oh. - Oh no, that's bad. - No, it's just different, it's a different, you know. - I'm just gonna say like, if there's anything that you learn from like seeing people in that environment. - Well, I have people that I definitely can refer you to. I have co -workers that do it. So maybe I can give you some good referrals from them in their experience 'cause they have some crazy stories. 

- Okay, this was so fun. - This was fun. Thank you so much for having me. - Okay, so your rec. - My rec, okay. - Just wait, you already gave it a little bit. Just let's talk about it a little more. - The five agreements. - The five agreements. The original book was the four agreements and then it got expanded upon. So the author and his son created a new agreement that the books are very easy read. So if you're somebody that needs something that's like less than 100 and some odd pages and you want something that's like really good, maybe you want to trip with or you're just looking to kind of create a Life as One alignment, the five agreements is fantastic. And it's really helping me grow as a person. So I like it. - All right, I know a lot of people at that book, I've never read it, but I know a lot of people that always, I need to read it, like I need to read it. It's a quick read, right? Oh, so easy. I can borrow it, I can borrow it. Oh my God, amazing. And then every episode, or I tried to do it, I share my spiritual moment of the week. Love. But I'm gonna be honest, this one was so hard for me. Because I-- You had a week. I did have a week, which is sometimes there's spiritual things come from weeks when you have a week. But I've just been kind of, I don't really have like a sort of movie moment where I'm like, oh, and look at what the universe is. I think the only thing that I can say was my spiritual moment of the week. It's been a bit since we recorded. And my spiritual moment of the weeks since the last time I recorded was just really being like, a couple of times in the past week, people, or past week or two, people have, But there's nothing extremely bad happening to me at the current moment and every day I'm just so grateful for this stability that like it's just it's so good And again as we were talking about on what really matters I'm blessed to be in a position where like my mom my dad my brother all in good health myself right now I'm in good health all things considered my closest friends in good health. I have a roof over my head, I have food. I'm never wondering about where my next meal is coming from. Thank God I am stable in that sense. Yeah, like, and I just think that that is my spiritual moment that the past few weeks, especially when people ask me how I'm doing and they say really good and they say, why? I say, everything's just so stable. - Yeah, and so it is. And that, yeah, yeah, that's spiritual. It doesn't always have to be an uphill battle. It doesn't always have to be this like crazy thing. And you're like the beauty in the stillness. - The beauty in the stillness. - Yeah, I struggle with that. 'Cause my mind chatters and I'm like, wait a minute. It's almost too quiet. She was going to drop. And sometimes - - My mind does, my mind does that too. I say all the time that I'm so used to being stressed that like I'm trying to be better. Like I've had to work really hard on doing this. in natural state is when everything's going good, I look for something to be stressed about. Because I'm like, wait a second, I'm usually always stressed about something, why is there nothing stressful? I'm clearly forget, like I think I'm forgetting about something when there's nothing that I'm currently stressed. So I've had to really work on reeling that in. And I think I've kind of started to figure it out. - Yeah, yeah. - Ben there says, do that regularly. 

- Yeah. I'm so happy. Thank you so much for doing this. Of course. I would do this all day long. This was so fun. Like, I love this. See, being a party girl can make you a better person. Do it. Do it. Hit the split. Do the dance move. Ecstasy has a ton of health benefits. Totally. Yeah. I mean, yeah. So I am going to link in the show notes of where everyone can find you and also the definitely delusional Delusional podcast. In a few episodes, we're going to have our co -host Dean of Definitely Delusional on here as well. But I'm going to put links. But if there's anything you want to shout out specifically to Hammer Home of where people can find you. Yeah. So my podcast with my co -host Dean is @DefinitelyDelusional. And my public Instagram is em_simms. and I'm also on Tiktok, I just forget what my Tiktok handle is. I'll put it in the show notes. Yeah. It's fun. It's really fun. And I'm so glad to be here. And I'm looking forward to the experience you have with Dean because he is so funny and he's hilarious. You guys are going to be talking a whole time. I'm really excited. And make sure to check out Definitely Delusional. I'm going to be recording an episode. I'm going to be a guest. It's a crossover episode. I'm going to be a guest.