RIP to Girl Parts: Cervical Cancer, BRCA2 Positive l Ep 38

Patient advocacy amidst a double mastectomy, ovary & uterus removal, & the 2024 election  

Contrary to popular belief, hearing “You have cancer,” is not even close to the toughest part of the journey. Alissa's real grind was everything that follows: decisions she never wanted to make, pain she did not expect, and a medical system that can feel weirdly casual while patients, like Alissa, are quietly panicking about their own mortality.

As promised, a true trauma porn episode: Alissa Milano & I sit down and trace her path from a cervical cancer diagnosis at 31 to the reality of a radical hysterectomy. We talk about what “radical” can actually mean, why recovery is not a nice & clean lil six-week timeline, and how trauma can show up after treatment - when everyone around you thinks you should be celebrating. Alissa gets blunt about intimacy, vulnerability, and the mental health crash that can come when your body changes.

Since the body & mind are s closely connected, when your body completely changes, so do the mental coping mechanisms...but wait, there's more! 

Alissa was also given a fun n flirty BRCA2 genetic mutation diagnosis. For the common tongue, she was carrying a high lifetime risk for breast and ovarian cancer, in addition to already having been violently "treated" for cervical cancer.

Alissa breaks down the nuances, difficulties, and cruciality that comes with patient advocacy and why screening versus prophylactic surgery is such a personal call. We also get into the part nobody glamorizes: insurance authorization battles, inconclusive results, false positives, and the dehumanizing feeling of begging for care while still trying to keep your job.

The episode closes with her preventive double mastectomy, ovary removal, surgical menopause, and hormone replacement therapy, plus a tease of the deeper conversation coming next about femininity and women’s health care.
If you have ever felt dismissed, rushed, or forced to become your own medical expert, you will feel seen here. 

Win most, lose some

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Transcript

Feeling Unimportant in a Crisis

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I had never felt so profoundly unimportant before. This is the most serious thing I've ever experienced.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

And it's so nonchalant.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Yeah, it's like another Tuesday in the office for these people that I felt like I was on the phone begging for my life regularly and feeling like, oh, I really just don't matter. And I'm still in the back of my head, like one of the lucky ones because I even have access to this treatment at all, because I even have access to a doctor at all in a country where you're not guaranteed healthcare, you know. The medical system does not bend to you. And I'm learning that very in real time.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Almost dying taught me how to live. Being struck by a car left me in a three and a half week coma with 15 broken bones and 16 surgeries to complete, including brain surgery. However, I woke up from that coma in an even greater place than I ever foresaw for myself. How? The universe will guide you out of the darkness and into the light if you allow it. Often, spirituality comes off as too highbrow. I'm not about that. Welcome to the podcast that talks and teaches about it through the lens of humor. Together, we'll harness positive energy and use it to work with the universe,

Intro & Subscribe

SPEAKER_03 1:20

all while giggling the entire time. Welcome to Gabriella Rebranded. Win most, lose some. All right, guys. Welcome back to Gabriella Rebranded. As promised, today we have Alyssa Milano back in the studio to give you guys some trauma porn about what Alyssa went through. And I'm learning right there with you because you at first kept your accident, not I don't want to say close to your chest, but you didn't scream about it in the way I did. I went in and out. You went in and out. Yes. Well, that's actually interesting to talk about because I know that you had a journey with how much you wanted to talk about it and how much you didn't want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah, and like multiple things happened. And I thought that the one thing would be the one thing. And then more kept happening. Um is a big part. Yeah. As we know. I'll definitely get to a lot of that.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

To get it out of the way so I don't interrupt Alyssa's story. Um, you guys know the drill. Subscribe, review that helps me so much at Gabriella Rebranded on all the social medias, Facebook, TikTok, uh, I don't know, not only fans yet. Um, and subscribe to my newsletter at Gabriella Rebranded.com. Um, and now let's hear from Alyssa. Okay.

Cervical Cancer and BRCA2 Basics

SPEAKER_03 2:35

So where do we want to start?

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Hello, hello. Um, okay, so I am a cervical cancer survivor and I am also a carrier of the BRCA2 genetic mutation.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

Okay. I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Yeah, most people don't. That's a great place to start. So yeah, most people don't know what BRCA is. Um, everyone has a BRCA gene. You inherit one from your mom and one from your dad. BRCA is a tumor suppressor gene. So if you inherit or develop a mutation of your BRCA gene, it's linked to cancers such as breast cancer, ovarian, pancreatic cancer, prostate cancer, and uh some skin cancers. So the likelihood if you're a carrier of that mutation, your likelihood of developing breast cancer is around 70%, ovarian is around 40%. Like there's very, very high correlation between them.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

So you pulled the short straw, your braca was mutated. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

I really pulled the short straw, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Um how did you find out which came first? The cervical cancer first or the bronca uh mutation first?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah, so I was 31 when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and I didn't know that I was bronca 2 positive at the time. Um, so cervical cancer was the main thing going on, and I I had been having some symptoms, um, some weird things. But you know, as women, aren't we always?

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Oh, are we always especially with our reproductive system? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Yeah. Yeah. Um, it had taken me a while to get an appointment. I so long. So long. And you're busy, and yeah. Um when it first started happening, you know, they had told me that they were concerned, but you know, I I didn't realize how bad it was going to be. Or I had known people that had, you know, colposcopies and leaps. And I thought, you know, they were kind of like, there's these abnormal cells. I thought that it was going to be the worst case. They have to go in and do a leap procedure and remove some cells, and that would be that, you know, it's it's the like experience everyone like is afraid of, right? Like you're like, I'm gonna Google my symptoms, it's gonna say that I'm it's cancer, I'm gonna freak out. But my experience was that that happened, and then it did turn out to be cancer, which no one thinks that's going to be them, right? No one ever thinks it's gonna be them. Yeah. Um, so I had gone in for a leap cone biopsy. They had told me that it looked pretty concerning. Um, and at that time, like a colposcopy or a leap was like the most terrifying thing to me. Like I would like shake with fear, and now it's not funny in retrospect. But after everything that's happened, I'm like, wow, I mourn for that naive girl that thought that would be it, you know. That thought that was gonna be the worst of it. Yeah. Yeah. So I had that procedure about maybe two weeks later. I was on set for work because I work in TV and film production. I was shooting a DoorDash commercial. DoorDash. Yeah. Love DoorDash. Love DoorDash. Um, and I got a call from my doctor when I was on set saying that I needed to come in to the office immediately. Um, we had ruled out pretty much everything else. Like that was the one thing left. Yeah, thing that we were waiting to hear on. So they wouldn't actually tell me on the phone. Um, and I kept being like, Can you just say it? Can you just say it?

SPEAKER_03 6:24

But they just kept saying they won't give you that information on the phone. It's very exhausting.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Yeah, they just kept saying, please come into the office as soon as possible. Can you come in today? And anyone that works in production knows that you don't leave set. So I stayed on set for the day. Sat with that.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

That is so uh I it's I get it though, because I used to be an actor, so I I get it. Yeah, I get it, but it's still like with the things, because then you're your health, but you you think your brain, because you think like that's not gonna be me. Your brain is like, but I need a job. It's not thinking.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Yeah, yeah. I was at work. I am the only role of my job at work, you know, and I was kind of like, well, whether I find this out today or tomorrow. So I I worked the rest of the day. Um, my boss and I joke about it now that he's like, you were like pretending you were fine. Like, I mean, I like told him, I I had my like breakdown in tears moment of, you know, it's that moment of like, am I about to find out that my entire life is changing?

SPEAKER_03 7:32

I think I, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Um, and then I went into the doctor the first thing the next morning. And that was the first time I heard the words you have cancer. And obviously, like you're in shock, you know, you don't know how to digest that information. And they, I was, you know, at that point, like that was the gynecologist telling me, and it and they then that's like the end of your path with them. They refer you to the oncologist oncologist, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:00

And this is a really stupid question on my part, but oncologists do they have different oncologists for different types of cancer? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Okay, not a stupid question. That would make sense, but yeah. Um, so yeah, you go to specifically a gynecologic oncologist. Okay. Um, yeah, not a stupid question. There's so many different, there's actually a different type of oncologist for everything. There should be. Yeah, like I I have multiple because that um there's the broca as well as the cervical, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, those first that like beginning is like a very weird time. Like, I remember in the beginning, like those first few days, I would wake up every morning feeling like something really bad had happened. And I there would be moments where I thought that I was just waking up from a bad dream, and then I would remember every like what was happening, and that was like a very, very lonely and confusing, overwhelming time. You know, I I look back and I just like knew so little then. Like it's as I'm sure you've experienced, you've like become an expert in your own healthcare. But when it first happens, you have no tools to deal with it.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

You know nothing. And also, you were completely by yourself here. I don't want to say completely by yourself. You obviously had friends and everything, but your family is back in New York, like you're from the East Coast, you're single. So it was like, Yeah, this is all being put on me, and I don't have, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Yeah, exactly. It was like a

You Have the Big C

SPEAKER_01 9:35

crash course into dealing with the medical system in ways that were really serious and really complex that I just did not have that experience. You know, I like like I I went to art school.

SPEAKER_03 9:50

Like you're 31, you're trying to figure out how to play your bills and just stay afloat and date and everything. And now all of a sudden you're going to these appointments and like grappling with your mortality is like the least of your worries. It's just trying to stay afloat.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Yeah. And you know, like I was like, like I was 31. I mean, like, you were so young when what happened to you happened. Like you, you know, that experience of being that young. You were even younger than I was. I I I like joke, I was like, I was in LA 31. Like I wasn't like, you know, like married with kids and like uh you were in LA 31. Like, you know, I my career was kind of like just coming together. Like things were kind of like just leveling out in my life.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

And like I was 23, but I was in LA 23. So I was like a Midwest 16. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Like the timeline is very different when something like that happens to you at such a young age.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Um, yeah, and being alone out here, you know, obviously, like you have your friends, but um yeah, not not having like an established. It's different. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

Your friends are lovely, but when it's something like this, it's just different because you're it's like this is this is this is literally my life. Like, what are your biggest problems of the week? Your boyfriend cheated on you. What you know, two weeks ago, I would have taken that very seriously. However, now at the current moment, girl, get over it, fuck him.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

Yes, yeah, yeah. And like, you don't wanna like well, there's also like there's no one to go to for advice. Like that's like exactly it. It's like like I didn't know anyone that was experiencing what I had, you know, you're when your boyfriend breaks up with you, there's someone that's gone through it around you. Like most things that you experience by the time you're that age are things other people have gone through around you that are close to you. And that's how our friendship became so. Yeah, that's where our friendship went.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Because it was like, and even though we don't understand each other's experience, we understand I had this crazy experience, and I was a wee little child who had to become a big girl overnight, and none of my friends could do it with me, not because they're bad friends, but because they just haven't had the ugly opportunity we have had that forced us to grow up.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Yeah. And like so many of the things that people would say to support me in the beginning of like, no, no, no, it won't be that bad. Like, that won't happen to you. You know, I like kind of joke now that like the medical system took away my naivety and like I took my friend's naivety away. Like, yeah, no one says that to me anymore.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

No one, no one, no one, no one says that to you anymore. Yeah, it's like, you know what? I'm gonna, I'm gonna okay. So you get the cancer diagnosis.

Fertility Choices and Radical Hysterectomy

SPEAKER_03 12:44

Yeah. Not how does treatment start? Because there's a lot of different routes to take with cancer. I believe you said yours was surgeries. What exactly is the timeline with surgeries? And what is, and then how does that lead into broka?

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yeah, so I get the diagnosis. I'm referred to a gynecologic oncologist. Basically, I thought that it would be this very simple thing. They kind of gave me two options to simplify it, which was fertility sparing or non-fertility sparing. Basically, if I wanted to have kids very, very soon, I could attempt to either do chemo and radiation, but they had actually already removed most of my cervix during the leap cone procedure, which I did not know would happen ahead of time. Um basically when they go in, they're try they're trying to get clean margins. And after the cone biopsy, when I woke up, um my doctor told me that they had actually removed the most that they could remove for without like a proper gynecologic surgeon doing that. So they could remove the entire cervix, which was one of the options once I got to the gynecologic oncologist. But the way it was presented was basically it perhaps buys you time. If you want to have kids really soon, if we do that, we could remove your whole cervix, you could you would have to go through like IVF, you know, IVF. They couldn't really guarantee me like numbers of a success rate for it. It it was basically like, do this if having kids is really important to you very soon. And I would likely have have to do chemo and possibly radiation as well. And that to me, it just felt so uncertain. And I wasn't someone that wanted to have kids for, you know, I I think a lot of like the conversation around when I like tell people about my surgeries is oh my god, you can't have kids. It's not that that wasn't a big deal to me. I I don't think anyone wants like their options taken away. Yeah, it just yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

And especially the the first, sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to because it we'll get into a bigger uh conversation about the violence and woman's health as we go down the line. But they, when they were doing the original procedure, did not tell you that there was a chance that most of your cervix could be removed. Like they didn't, you didn't consent to that. They didn't give you a heads up this might happen.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Yeah, no, and I don't think that they necessarily like did something that was like outside of like I don't think like a crime was committed against me, so to speak. But I think that um I know there were complications during the procedure. I I had really, really advocated to be under complete anesthesia. I think anyone listening that has been through a colposcopy will understand why I advocated so hard for that. Like that was really, really traumatic to me. I had fought to be under full anesthesia, and they basically said that I had hemorrhaged during the procedure and that had I not been under anesthesia, they couldn't have treated me. Like I sorry, I'm kidding.

unknown 16:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

First of all, do you want me to get tissues?

SPEAKER_01 16:07

No, no, okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

And then second of all, I should have them. Sorry that I don't. But then so so basically, if you hadn't thought to be under anesthesia, you we don't it would be a lot worse.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Yeah, she's she basically my the doctor, the gynecologist doing it had said, thank God we did this in a hospital because I wouldn't have been able to treat that in an office. Yeah. Which also will come into play later of like the importance of advocating for yourself and like your needs, especially when it comes to your body, you know, and your safety. Um so I had already, you know, it was in the back of my head that that had already happened. And for them to say, like, there's this procedure that we just could they just couldn't guarantee the success rate of it to me. And when you're talking about cancer, and like they it just felt so uncertain. So the other option was to do a radical hysterectomy. I would not be able to have kids, but my oncologist was he he was like, there's like a 90% success rate with this. Like it means you most likely won't need to do chemo or radiation. He I he they couldn't guarantee me that. And I think that's like, you know, we talk about it on our last episode of like the did you do chemo question. It's like part this goes back to like part of the reason why it's weird to me when that's like an initial that you know, there's complexities there. There, there's get there's trade-offs, like you you have very limited choices, and a lot of your choices aren't great ones, but it was important to me that I I really did not want to go through chemo and radiation. I I didn't understand entirely what I don't think anyone can describe surgery to you, but those are my options. Um I ultimately decided that the radical hysterectomy made more sense to me. I having kids wasn't super important to me. And I just felt like that was like the clearest path forward. So it meant that my cervix, my uterus, my fallopian tubes, and all my pelvic lymph nodes and the top inch of my vaginal canal would be removed. Okay. And another thing about like treatment and staging was that was the other part was that having your like had I just done the other surgery or had I done chemo, they wouldn't have been able to test my they like you don't get your lymph nodes tested in that in order to properly stage you to determine spread if it it's if it's in your lymph nodes, that's much more advanced cancer. So that to me felt like okay, they're they're also preventing any spread by removing all the pelvic lymph nodes. So it just yeah, that was that makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Not not in a night good, no, that makes sense, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Yeah, for for me and my lifestyle and what was important to me, I I think it's a really personal decision when you're put there, you know.

Recovery Pain and Hospital Setbacks

SPEAKER_01 19:08

I I understand for someone who have if having kids is really important for you, you know, like those are those are things that you have to like really think closely about, like deeply about. And you know, I was a single person at 31, you know, like I was like, no, I I just want to know that I have my life.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Yeah. No, though there's just there's like two quotes that you've said since we started recording that are just like with me, one is I mourn for that naive girl. Like, I'm like, I think back to like who I was before I got, and then just you being like, I'm 31, I wanted to know I still had my life. Like that was like me not wanting to feel like my life was lost at like 23 or 24. So I get that.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Yeah, yeah. There's like it's so you feel like everything is out of your control, and you just want to control what you can. And and I'm sure you can relate to this in some way or another. That like at that time, like it felt like such a rush. Like, I was like, I was like, it's a race to get to that surgery. Like, I thought because I thought that I would have that surgery.

SPEAKER_03 20:13

Faster is over, the faster you could go back to your believe me, I get that.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Yeah, yes. I was like, I'm gonna have this surgery, I'm gonna be all good. I'm gonna go and have a party with my friends, and I'm gonna have my cake, and I'm gonna be like back to normal and back on set the next day, and yeah. Yeah, for some reason, I like really thought even though like I've had other things happen to me in my life, I really thought that I was just gonna be like, same old Alyssa and without a cervix, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Um nothing could have prepared me for how brutal that surgery was. It was a very, very harrowing experience. Um, my pain wasn't managed quite well. It's a really invasive surgery. I think a lot of people would say to me, like before the surgery, like, oh, my mom had a hysterectomy. She was back at work in two weeks. Oh, this person and doctors were saying to me, like, you're so young, you'll recover so well, you'll recover so quick. I did not realize that like they were comparing me to the average person who has this surgery who is in their 50s or 60s. I didn't realize how much more invasive my surgery was than like, because the term hysterectomy just means like removal removal of the uterus. A radical hysterectomy for cervical cancer is a lot more complex and involved. They don't do laparoscopic for it anymore because of the recurrence rates. So it's an open abdominal incision, and your cervix and top part of your vagina being removed means that, you know, your vagina is also a a surgical site as well. You know, so you have like these two really, really vulnerable places. Weeks of of trauma and pain there. It was two months of recovery, and even after that.

SPEAKER_03 22:04

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Re- under the reproductive system is already a fucking mess down there.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

So the two months of your recovery, what exactly did that entail? Like, were there therapies or anything you were going for, or was it just like two months at home in pain, lots of meds? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Yeah. For about four weeks, it was I was at home. That is it. Um, my, you know, you start to walk again, maybe after like two weeks, a week and a half, two weeks. And I mean like baby steps around like you're like holding a pillow to yourself. I just don't think anything could have prepared me for it. You know, you're you're at home for a really long time. Then you're kind of like, I could go short distances. Like people would come over and like we would go on walks. Okay. And like that was like a big thing, but I'd be winded after like a couple blocks. Um, it was like I I think I thought that it would be like the way that your body is out of shape when you like don't go to the gym for a long time. That naive girl. Uh, it was like truly your body's back at zero. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

Oh, I know that feeling for sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Yeah. Yeah, like holding a glass and you're winded, like you're out of breath. There was there's complications throughout that process that happened. I ended up in the hospital about two weeks later. Um, I was like kind of like up and walking around and getting my groove back. And then I actually have a photo of like I'm on the couch, and my my dog Odin is like bunk beds with me, like on top of the couch. And my mom like took a photo being like, This is so cute and sweet. And then she noticed that I was not waking up. And she's and I was like just like really groggy and out of it, like it was like all of my progress had been set back and ended up in the ER.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

What happened?

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Honestly, we still don't know. Um they were like, your surgery site looks okay. They they think I was like exposed to a virus or something.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

And yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

Not that that I don't know why I said okay. Like it was really no.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

No, I actually thought of uh an episode you had done. I think it might have been your trauma porn episode where you were like survives a car cast, a car crash, might be taken out by pneumonia. Like it was like that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Yeah, like that kind of thing where it was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Yeah, but you know, your body is like like it's healing so much, like all of your energy goes into that. And my surgery was really complex. There, you know, there's a lot of things going on down there. Um, it's a gross experience, like you know, like people who came to visit me were probably like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so then after about like four or five weeks, you're like you can do small things, you know. You're like like maybe you're going to a store, but like you're home after that. But even I don't know, like I thought a surgery timeline was like really firm. I thought they're like, you heal after six weeks, and then like you're fine. Yeah. Because that's like how it is when like you go to the dentist, right? Like, um, but my body just and there's still things to this day that like your body just like doesn't go back to the same. I mean, like your whole core strength is gone. Like it's also it's your, you know, it was my vagina, like it was really intimate. Um, there's restrictions around sex, obviously. Not that I was thinking about sex then, but that's like a long-term traumatic thing from that, like months out.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

No, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Yeah. And you're I'm like, this is where I talk about my vagina on the internet. Um, but you know, like there, there's like really long-term like fear and trauma around that. You've like you feel kind of just like butchered, and it's scary. You're you like I think for me, I I became so guarded around my body. Like that that was the first time I had ever, that was the first time I'd ever really felt that like fully physically vulnerable. Like I'd always been like an athlete growing up. I'd always like just been Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, like I played soccer, I had always worked out a lot, like I was always into hiking. Like that was the first time I I like remember thinking like I like cannot protect myself. And that was like a very new feeling to me of just like feeling so physically vulnerable. That I'm sure you can there is this, it's like kind of funny, but not really.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

It's like it's like dark funny. You'll you'll probably you'll get it. But when I was in inpatient rehab, I had had been, I still couldn't speak because the trach had a speaking valve, but the speaking valve wasn't working. Like I it wasn't working with my body, it just I kept like coughing it out. So I basically couldn't speak until they removed the trach for good, but they couldn't like it took them a really long time. They tried to remove the trach, they couldn't. I wound up having to have a surgery to remove the trach. It was a whole thing. It took me a while, but anyway, for a long time I couldn't speak. And I was in my little wheelchair because I wasn't walking yet, and it was when I was an inpatient rehab. My brother was there, and my there was like a little patio, and I'd gotten patio privileges, and my mom and my brother and me were out with my patio. Like, and the the patio, like it's flat, and then it slopes, and my wheelchair started rolling away, but I couldn't scream. Thank God they know, thank god one of them noticed quickly was like, oh wait, we're good. And I was like, So I know they feel like we full physically they're like in this wheelchair, you can barely move.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

I don't know that. Like anyone listening is like, why are you laughing at this?

SPEAKER_03 27:55

It's like, no, we know it's like a little lady. If you don't laugh, it's like I mourn for that naive girl, but like that little bit that it was truly like out of a dark comedy, it's got me from rolling away.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

The things that like you look back on and laugh hysterically, it's so funny. It's no funny, it's no funny at all. But it's what it's not, but it's yeah, like reality is truly stranger and funnier than fiction.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Yeah, but I I that is to relate to the feeling like wow, I cannot protect myself at all.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Yeah, yeah. And like the things that you have to do do not match what your body like can do. I I don't know, your story reminds me of um, I have like a text to my friend Chelsea from in the hospital because they like encourage you to walk around. Like it prevents blood clots, it helps like get your blood moving. But I was like screaming in agony of pain, and they're like trying to get me to just stand up, and I'm like, I have a hip-to-hip incision. I am, I have my vaginal canal is stitched closed. I am like vulnerable and on it. I was in so much pain. And I remember like I was definitely on a lot of morphine when I sent this text, but I was very upset at the the male nurse trying to get me to walk. I texted my friend Chelsea, and I was like, I'm going to use the tiny bit of strength I have in my body to punch a male nurse in the nuts.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

I was like, the very small amount of strength that I have in my body.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

I like don't even remember sending the text, but I I like found it in my phone later.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

I was like, I I love finding the weird ass text you sent when you're like, ah, yeah. So funny. It's the the weird text you send, the like there, oh my god, there was like a whole time. Well, there was one time where it was right when everything had happened. So I was still in inpatient rehab, and my accident was October 17th. And it was, you know, big Wednesday before Thanksgiving in my hometown. Like all my hometown friends were like at the bar and stuff, and everyone's like, oh my God, what happened? And everyone's like, Yeah, we don't know. We don't know everything, we don't know anything. This is still when I was like, like, we don't know, yeah, it just sucks. Like everyone's just really sad. And then my one friend Allie, who like is a good friend of mine, but like, is it like it's not like we're besties, like it's not like she's my number one ride or die. She's in like my very good friend group. She was just like, she texted me today, and everyone was like, Wait, what? Yeah, and it was just I was being so weird with like my text and stuff, and like she was like, Yeah, she she texted me today.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Yeah, the like weird things when you're like up on drugs, not leaving your couch, like and it was so funny.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

It was funny because of like one of my friends who like was very like she was in California when I'd gotten hurt, so she was like very diligent about like being there with me through everything, wasn't even the first one to get a text.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

You're like, can't be mad at me.

SPEAKER_03 31:10

You can't be mad at me. I don't know, it was the drugs. It was the drugs and it was the brain that I didn't have. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

Surgery's terrible.

Trauma After Treatment and Identity Shift

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Surgery's terrible, but I thought that it would be over, you know. Um, but I entered into like a very dark depression after that. And you know, it's the thing I on your like rebuilding identity episode, I think you talked about this of like you can't like you can't you have to like process what happened and grieve first before you can like get back to yourself. But I had been like just in this run that I just I thought that I would just like get my life back. No, and I yeah, and I had always been like I have struggled with depression a lot in the past, so I I but the way that I had always handled it was a little bit more like I don't know if self-destructive is the word, but like there was more of a momentum to my depression, yeah. I get it, yeah. Whereas this was just like why? And you know, like so many people at that point are like like their expectation is like you had the treatment and it's over. And for me, it felt like that was the first I was dealing with cancer. Like I thought that the diagnosis time period up until treatment would be like what dealing with cancer was, but it wasn't until that surgery and like the fallout of that that I think I even like really understood what was happening and what that meant. And that, you know, like that was the first I understood that oh, I I'm now existing in a very changed body. And I also think this like speaks to just women's health care, like our understanding of our bodies, of like what our like what our reproductive system is, of like the space that takes up that takes up in your body, of how that affects you, you know, like all of those things. I think that I thought of a hysterectomy in the way that people had asked me about it, of like losing your fertility. I I don't I think it sounds like silly when I say it out loud now, but I actually just like don't think until it happened, I like fully processed what that meant for my body to be changed, for the way that my reproductive system was to be changed. You know, I had actually started dating someone just around then, and like there's a lot of like intimacy issues there, you know, like of like I'm navigating a body where like my vagina has just been operated on, I'm dating someone, I'm in this really, really dark depression, figuring out like all those things, the expectation of people and the like congrats by people of like you did it, and me just like not feeling that at all. It just like didn't it didn't match what I was experiencing, and it was hard to I I think I isolated myself a lot um because I felt like I could not match the energy being brought to me, you know. And I think that I I just thought that I was going to be Alyssa again, and I just came out not knowing who this person was, and I felt really violated um by that surgery. It was like a very brutal, brutal experience.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

Um no, no, I just I very much I get it, like in the sense that like I just thought I was gonna you think you're gonna get yourself back. That's you think you think you're gonna step right back into Gabby's life. And I sort of, I thought, okay. I when I I thought like when I leave inpatient rehab, that means the bulk of recovery is over, and now we're officially on the up and up, and like it's only gonna be just gotta finish out these therapies, like this, and and then we're and then we're back to life. And it's like, no. Um, actually, as you finish up your therapies, um, you're gonna realize that there are a lot of more issues, a lot more things you you can't get back to or need help getting back to. You're gonna actually re-realize that some therapies you're never gonna be finished with. Um, and then also you're gonna have all these deficits that continue, whether they're physical deficits or emotional deficits, like the whole emotional and like all my sort of groveling beforehand or like bouts of like what I thought was like about depression or whatever, I realized wasn't not in comparison to this. I I I you know, it's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Yeah, it's like a complete reframing of like the life that you knew before and the person you knew yourself to be, and yeah, all of your whatever coping mechanisms you had before. I think when they don't work anymore. Yeah, they no longer work, you no longer can do those things. You have a like, I mean, it was my first experience with like a big medical trauma, you know. So, like my me as well. Yeah, my experiences before, I think were more like emotional fallout based. And now I think a lot of like the fallout from that surgery was I was expecting to come out like really excited, and I beat cancer and I get my life life back. But the reality was I felt deeply, deeply traumatized by what felt like just an attack on my reproductive parts, you know, on my like it was a really intimate place, it's my vagina, like having so much pain centered down there. And I think with women's health care, like the way even just like the conversations of like like everyone's reaction to me was oh, you can't have kids now, you know. But for me, like coming from a place where I I've experienced violence in the past, and coming from a place where all of a sudden I'm having so much pain, and I'm having I'm like, you know, it's my most intimate place being like poked and prodded and cut apart for I realize that's like graphic and dark, but you know, like what are what happened to our bodies is graphic and dark, it was done to you is graphic and dark. Yeah, and you know, like your body doesn't know what's happening, like you understand that you need this to happen for your health and your life, but to me, physically, it just felt so, so brutal. And you're having all these things dictated now by the medical system. Like I was a young person, I hadn't, you know, like you're navigating dating, you're navigating relationships, like none of that goes on hold. And now I I was so guarded about, you know, like my safety, my like, and it's all centered around intimacy. You know, you're having like your sex life dictated by your medical issues, you're having a lot of emotional issues with that. And to come from a background that I had already experienced a lot of situations and where I felt like I didn't have a say over what was happening to my body. You know, you know that you're in a medical setting and that this is happening to save your life, but your body is just feeling really intense pain in your most intimate places that are not typically supposed to be associated with pain like that. And you know, when I think of tremendous pain down there, like you're on a table, you don't have a say over what's happening to you, like that to me it didn't feel like someone was saving me. It just felt like someone was harming me. And it was a very like visceral experience of how do I sit with that I should feel fortunate that I had access to medical care, that I'm one of the lucky ones in terms of that I even had surgery as an option, and yet I feel so broken, I feel violated, I feel like I I think I just felt very brutalized. Um and those things are kind of hard to carry in tandem, you know, and like understand that both can be true. I think I felt like I was just being picked apart, and yeah, it's definitely a violent experience on women's bodies.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

Uh, and yeah, I can imagine how violating that it's all your girl parts, how that feels. But

Breast Lump Uncertainty and Genetic Testing

SPEAKER_03 39:55

um, so that surgery's done, that part of treatment is over, as heinous as it was. Um, where does the braca come in? Broca, braca, braca, braca, braca too.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

BRCA, but people call it braca, yeah. So there's uh yeah, braca. Um part of the there's a part of the brain that's like broke as something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

Um, so yeah, that that surgery's done. I'm, you know, I'm in a new relationship. I'm kind of like moving, I'm moving through that, but there's still a lot to unbox. Two months, but I yeah, yeah. About six or seven months later, I noticed the lump in my left breast. And did you think you were cancer free at this point? Yeah, I had gotten actually it might have been longer than six or seven months later. It was yeah, it might have been a little bit longer than seven months. I was considered cancer free. Technically, no evidence of disease. I was still under the care of an oncologist. I go for monitoring every three months. We do scans, but I was like for big picture considered cancer.

SPEAKER_03 41:04

Cancer free.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

I noticed the lump in my left breast. I kind of like shot awake in the middle of the night and like had this intense feeling that something was wrong. And then around there, noticed the lump. And yeah, I started panicking. Um it's not done. Yeah. Yeah, it's not done. I had also like had a false positive on a follow-up PET scan. So there was like weird things that happened in between there that just kind of, you know, my understanding of like before of like this is gonna happen and it's gonna be over. Like it just kind of felt like there wasn't really this clear moment where it was over. And then I kind of felt like I was getting my groove back, and then I noticed that lump. And a family member had talked to me that they were BRCA positive, and I knew that prostinovarian cancer had run in my family. So I started saying that I wanted to get a mammogram, and I brought up that um my family history of having the BRCA genetic mutation. Um I you know, like you think that the medical system like bends to you when you have that, but I I had to really advocate to get a mammogram at that age, even having gone through cancer.

SPEAKER_03 42:36

Oh my god, even having gone through cancer, you had to add they didn't want to just and saying, hey, I feel something.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

They didn't want to just Yeah, I mean my doctor did it's insurance companies that want to fight you. Insurance companies, I could yeah, yeah, and that process starts this like really dehumanizing feeling of like the medical industry, you know, like fighting insurance for that. Um, but yeah, so I that seems to profit off of human health. Yeah, yeah. You want to be alive, you've gotta pay this much to do it. Yeah, you've gotta pay up. And yeah, so I noticed that lump. I started advocating for wanting the mammogram and testing. My oncologist is putting in those authorizations, you know, HMO bullshit. Um and I get a mammogram and they see a mass on the mammogram, but it comes back inconclusive. So there's all this uncertainty there that I think just like the outside narrative impression of if you haven't been through cancer or been in the medical system heavily is that everything is just clear cut, but there's so much waiting, there's so much, there's results. That aren't clear. I had already I had had a false positive on a PET scan months prior, that I literally went weeks thinking I was dying and had late-stage metastasized cancer before we cleared it. Like there's these things that come up that I was just starting to understand that okay, my life is filled with a lot of complexity that I did not prepare for, that I wasn't prepared for, that you know, I thought that like dealing with cervical cancer was going to be my medical industry field trauma masterclass. But this process actually like really shown showed a light on like how important it was to like be involved in every aspect of your care and how important it was to advocate for myself. And just you know, like I had talked, I think I remember talking to my therapist, and like I would freak out anytime like something questionable came up on an exam, but now all of a sudden, like all these things are coming up that like more and more is happening, and there's more time of uncertainty. So the mammogram comes back inconclusive. Or I'm also going through the process of trying to get genetic testing. Um there were some experiences there with insurance companies, doctors, not my medical team that I am very grateful for that I love. Places that I had to go for outside care, being really dismissive of me. Know how that feels. Yeah. Um and you know, like I I think this was kind of this was like a big turning point for me. There was also like a lot of confusion in my mind because some people go through their getting genetic tested for BRCA, but they haven't been through cancer before, actually.

SPEAKER_03 46:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

And they're not considered cancer survivors. Like there's a term for it of like pre-vivors. Okay. That if you've like gone through preventative steps because you're BRCA positive. But I was like fresh off the bus of cancer camp, as like I jokingly call it with my dog, thinking I was like about to get my life back. And now all this BRCA stuff is coming up, and I like didn't know how to communicate it to people of like, okay, I'm I'm not sick. Like, I don't know if I'm sick again. Like the mammoth, but I could be I could be, you know, yeah, it's it's all this like uncertainty that I don't know how to like verbalize to people without like there's a fear of scaring people, there's a fear of scaring myself, you know.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

Like you're in purgatory, like healthcare purgatory.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

Yeah, yeah. So the mammogram comes back inconclusive. I get my genetic testing results, and I come back positive for the Broca 2 genetic mutation.

unknown 47:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

You know, as I said, I thought I was fresh off this cancer camp bus. I thought me and Odin were gonna be back in the world. Odin is my dog, that is my pride and joy in life. So cute. I love that. Um, but then I get this Broca 2 diagnosis. And four is Odin's son, right? No, they're they're just actually But it's something like that.

SPEAKER_03 47:33

They're all in the right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

Yeah, I mean Odin is like the father god, yeah. Okay, yeah, okay, okay. Um, so I get told the statistics of Braca 2, which are, and this mammogram is still inconclusive. We haven't figured out what this like lump in my breast is. But I and now I get sent to my back to your question of the different types of oncologists. Now, now I have a new oncology team.

SPEAKER_03 47:59

Oh, this one's her booby.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

Yeah, I have now I have my breast specialist, and I get told that the Bronchus Hue mutation carries a 70% risk of breast cancer with it. 40% for ovarian cancer. And in the hysterectomy, my ovaries were the one thing that I had kept. Oh my fucking God. Yeah. Uh, they were moved in that surgery because there's nothing for them to be attached to. And should I need radiation, they moved my ovaries higher. So they were attached to my abdominal walls, but I still had them. So now that with the BROCA diagnosis, this now changes everything. And to be told, okay, 70% risk of breast cancer, up to 40% risk. And it depends on your variation. These are like different, uh, there's different variants of FROCA, and I think you could have a whole podcast truly on that. So for the point of being straightforward, and to like also put in perspective, the lifetime risk of developing cervical cancer, I think in the United States is like 0.7%. Okay. So to be told I have a 70% chance to me, that's like a thousand, you know, like yeah. And also when you when you already have all these things happen that don't happen to everyone around you, or just because something has a small chance of happening doesn't mean it won't happen yet. Yeah, yeah. So that like changed everything, and they gave me options which are screening very, very regularly. Or just get it the fuck out. Yeah, or have preventative surgery and take it all out. For me, and like, you know, I had a lot of conversations with my oncologists that I already had cancer. Like part of why cancer is complex is because of we're just not there yet. Of you know, like, I don't know to put it simply, of like the cells being too small, you know, like so that was not a risk that I I wouldn't take that risk either. Uh felt like I could live with. I'm dumb with healthcare stuff, yeah. Yeah, and I already from cervical cancer, like I it like it was the punctuation at the end of all of my thoughts every single day was have I just gotten like foreshadowing of how I am going to die one day? Like yeah, there was never this feeling of it's all over. I was constantly thinking about it. I always like every single day, multiple times a day, had in the back of my head, I know how I'm going to die one day. Like so to be told these statistics, like I it just wasn't a gamble that I felt like I could take. And and I think that that's another thing that's a very personal choice to everyone. But and also the other thing was that we could not find my ovaries on any MRI. So we couldn't really screen my ovaries. Yeah. Um, I was like, where'd you put them? Like, um, and ovarian cancer, like it's hard to detect early as it is. Like, so I made a choice to have preventative surgery, but for both your ovaries and your boobies. Yeah. I don't know why I keep saying that. Yeah, all my girl parts. I was like, you know what? At this point, yeah, take them all.

SPEAKER_03 51:32

Cut off the itty. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 51:35

It's all I've got left.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

And broke as you decide to do both, just get them both taken out. You know, like I had to really advocate for that testing, and that was like a big try, like my genetic testing and the mammograms. And like, I think that's where I really start understanding like how important that is to advocate for that. Like, I remember I was waiting for an authorization to come back from insurance. Sorry, what you about to say?

unknown 52:07

Oh, what?

SPEAKER_01 52:07

Oh, I thought you were about to say something.

SPEAKER_03 52:08

Oh no, no, that was me. My hair. You can keep this in, Daniel. I think it's important for the audience to know that I'm real. I can feel a strand of hair like snuffing.

SPEAKER_01 52:17

Phantom hair.

SPEAKER_03 52:18

Can you feel it?

SPEAKER_01 52:18

I'm like, you're just clawing at your own face. Got it, got it. Okay. Um, like, I remember there was a day I was waiting on an authorization from my insurance, and I was on set. I'm always on set when these things happen. I also, when I got my Broca diagnosis, was also on set.

SPEAKER_03 52:40

I'm like, most LA conversation. Mama's upset when these things happen.

SPEAKER_01 52:45

These things happen.

SPEAKER_03 52:48

He's the first person you called when you got your diagnosis. My set director. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

My fucking line producer.

SPEAKER_03 52:55

My line producer.

SPEAKER_01 52:58

Oh my god. I'm like switched to two.

SPEAKER_03 53:02

Like who did you contact more? The line producer or the AD?

SPEAKER_01 53:08

My line producer.

SPEAKER_03 53:09

Okay, producer.

SPEAKER_01 53:12

Um, yeah, I was like waiting for an insurance authorization to go through, and I like had an appointment, and I'm I'm on set, I'm like locked away in an empty room of some house, and I'm like, I spent almost like the whole day on the phone. Because also you have to like work around the hours that the insurance companies work. And I'm like, I have a job, like you have that's working the same hours. And I get them on the phone, and I'm like, I have this appointment, I need to go. And the person is so rude to me, and they're like, This is why we tell people not to make appointments before you've been authorized. Like, what if we don't approve the appointment? And I'm sitting there like in tears, and I'm like, if you look at the paper or your computer, you'll see that the appointment is at the cancer center. So, yeah, what if you don't approve it?

SPEAKER_03 54:02

Yeah. Like, and there was a lot of yeah, what's gonna happen to me if you don't fucking approve it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:08

The person paused and they said, Let me see what I can do. I'm I'm learning a lot there of like, okay, like I I think that I just thought with cancer, like once the big C word enters, like everything bends for you. You know, I wasn't prepared for how much I would just feel like a number.

SPEAKER_03 54:28

I wasn't prepared for Yeah, I guess you would think that when would the big big C word enters that you're sort of coddled by the healthcare system if you have an experience, like I think that's what the outside person would think, but then to go through it yourself and you're just the number.

SPEAKER_01 54:42

Yeah, yeah. And like there's this conversation going on around you in the way that people want to support you. That's like what's going on with you is like the most important thing. You can drop everything, but you're trying to hold your job, you're trying to like navigate the medical system, and you're having these like fights with people on the phone that like you see as just like a phantom behind a desk that that doesn't care. Like it just felt so dehumanizing. And I think I I felt so like I had never felt so profoundly unimportant before. Like, I I think it was very like that was weighing on me a lot through this process was my life. This is the most serious thing I've ever experienced.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

And it's so nonchalant.

SPEAKER_01 55:33

Yeah, it's like another Tuesday in the office for these people that I I felt like I was on the phone begging for my life regularly and and feeling like, oh, I really just don't matter. And and I'm still in the back of my head, like one of the lucky ones because I even have access to this treatment at all, because I even have access to a doctor at all in a country where you're not guaranteed healthcare, you know. So the medical system does not bend to you, and I'm learning that very in real time and uh balancing, just living my life, you know. Um, but I'm back to that that was like before my my decision to do the surgeries, I think. But um,

Preventive Surgeries and Surgical Menopause

SPEAKER_01 56:18

so I get everything approved and I made the choice to have these surgeries. So on election day, I had a prophylactic double mastectomy. Election day 2024. Oh, yeah. I went into that surgery thinking I was gonna wake up in a country with a female president, with a woman president.

SPEAKER_03 56:42

Oh you were one of you were one of you were one of the fools. I knew.

SPEAKER_01 56:47

I knew. Oh, I was one of the fools. I mean that was my last hope that I was getting into the.

SPEAKER_03 56:51

I knew where it was going, and then everybody in California was so in denial. And I just thought like I'm from a place. Well, actually, my town is red, but I'm from a blue state and from New York. But everyone in LA was so in denial, and I was like, guys, I really don't, I really don't think it's gonna go that way. Yeah, you're like, yeah, I was like, I was like, I was like, listen, okay, like we had to fucking fight to not get him there. And people were like, okay, we're gonna give this other straight white man a shot. Other straight white man didn't really do a good job. Do you think that now all the pe all those people are gonna support a liberal woman of color? Absolutely not. They're just not gonna vote. And then that's what happened.

SPEAKER_01 57:39

Yeah, listen, I was getting my womanhood taken away. I was I was trying to have hope for some people.

SPEAKER_03 57:44

You're like, if it's someone else can keep it, I lost it, but you can I lost it, you guys could run. Yeah, I profoundly could not take that type of so you get out of the surgery, you're uh a mess, and they're like, by the way, Trump won.

unknown 57:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:59

Who told you?

SPEAKER_01 58:01

I was like, like, I remember being to my partner. I was like, please give me my I voted sticker. Like, I like I have a photo of me in my hospital gown with my I voted sticker. Like, I was like, something is gonna go right. The nurse came in and I was like, please put on the TV. I need to know. And they got somber, like the room got weird. Like, no one wanted to be the person to tell me like how it was going. And we turned the TV on, and I was like, maybe it's the drugs.

SPEAKER_03 58:39

Like, I hope to God it's the drugs. I'm never have I ever hoped more that I'm actually currently on the other side, and this I'm in hell. I'm in hell. That's where I have to be. I have to have died and I'm in hell. Yeah, that's the only logical answer that I've died. I didn't make it through the surgery and I'm in hell.

SPEAKER_01 58:57

Yep. Yeah. I was like, damn, yeah. That was exactly it. I was like, I hope I did not make it out. This is not the good place.

SPEAKER_03 59:04

This is not the good place.

SPEAKER_01 59:07

Um, I I think within like a minute, I was like, can we turn the TV off? I was like, can't digest that. Um so I had the double massectomy. I deal with the politics of the United States at some point in there. And two weeks later, we double that. Two weeks later, I had my ovaries removed. I was not allowed to start hormone replacement therapy for six weeks. I I'm now on hormone replacement therapy. I to be a functioning person in this world, I wear a sticker on me at all times.

SPEAKER_03 59:47

Like a nicotine. Yeah, yeah. But it's my estrogen dose, but it's estrogen. What are you addicted to?

SPEAKER_01 59:55

Estrogen, yeah. Uh that was a big wake-up call of yeah, I dropped into surgical menopause. Like, did not take the slow route there, as most women's rite of passage is. I just dropped like, and there's like a moment where you drop where you like know it's happening.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

You're like, oh, we're here.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

Yeah. Like I my friend had flown out from New York to like stay with me for like a month to because with a double mastectomy, you literally are T-Rex arms, you cannot move anything. Like, this is what you are isolated to for two months, and now I have the ovaries removed, so there's a lot of things going on. My friend flew out for two months, and like I remember the moment I went into menopause. Like, I was like, It is so hot in here, and my friend's reaction, as she's like in a full hoodie and sweatpants, was like, I'm sorry. And I was like, It started, hasn't it? Yeah, I was like, that's not the reaction to someone who's like experiencing the same reality as me. I was like, Am I having a hot flash? And she was like, I think so.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:08

Great friend though, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:10

Um, but I learned a lot about what aging is in that time. Like my vision was going, I was having migraines, I had full insomnia, I could not sleep. As I'm like recovering from two major surgeries, the menopause was like a really nice addition. And also just like as like a young woman, like you're like, and even now, like you know, like if I don't, if I forget to change my estrogen patch, if I can't get like access to it, like I'm like on a date thinking I'm cute, and then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I'm having menopause, like you know, I'm having hot flash sharp. Yeah, it's it's a really fun part of the process.

Pausing The Story and Teasing Part Two

SPEAKER_03 1:01:58

Okay, guys, so we are going to leave off there for now um with the far first part of Alyssa's journey, and then we're actually going to do another episode. So, really, it's this episode is two parts. So you're getting three episodes of Alyssa. Um we're gonna get another episode of Alyssa because the more I've learned about her story, it really goes into the battle of femininity with medical health care. And I think that deserves its own episode. So we're gonna leave you guys with the trauma porn ending here. And in part two, we're gonna hear about the rest of Alyssa's journey and femininity in the medical healthcare system and what that shit is all about, because I still don't really know.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:37

And that's where I get to be a positive light as opposed to my dark room. Dark, dark room.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:42

That's where the happy girl ended. Comes back at the booth per usual.