HealingStrong's Around the Word

Episode 44 - The Esther Series: Power Dynamics in Biblical Marriages (Esther 1:13-22 NIV)

• HealingStrong • Episode 44

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We explore the beginning of Esther's story, where Queen Vashti refuses King Xerxes' command and his advisors suggest removing her from her position to prevent widespread disrespect from women throughout the kingdom.

• King Xerxes consults his advisors about how to handle Queen Vashti's disobedience
• The advisors fear her actions will cause all women to disrespect their husbands
• They create a law that can't be repealed, removing Vashti from her position
• The group discusses how you can't legislate respect - it must be earned through behavior
• Biblical marriage is compared to Christ's relationship with the church
• Men typically need respect while women typically need love
• God's Word consistently elevates and honors women
• Persian law established that once a decree was made, it could not be repealed

Suggested Resources:

BIBLE PLAN - Trusting God's Plan When You Don't See Him: Lessons From the Book of Esther

PODCAST - Genesis to Revelation Bible Reading

TOOLS - Refresh Your Spirit through God's Word


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Speaker 1:

You can't legislate, respect.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 4:

They were going to put this law out.

Speaker 1:

You're going to respect your husbands, and you know it was their culture anyway, but it's behavior that brings on respect.

Speaker 2:

Well, hello, my name is Cheryl and you're listening to Healing Strong's. Around the Word. We're friends sitting around a table who love the Lord and we love digging deep into His Word. Each day I'll read a Bible passage and then we'll chat about what we're learning from it. Today, we'll be reading from Esther 1, verses 13-22. So join us Around the Word. Esther 1, verses 13 through 22.

Speaker 2:

Since it was customary for the king to consult experts in matters of law and justice, he spoke with the wise men who understood the times and were closest to the king Garshina, shether, admatha, tarshish, marys Marcena and Memucan, the seven nobles of Persia and Media, who had special access to the king and were highest in the kingdom According to law. What must be done to Queen Vashti, he asked? She has not obeyed the command of King Xerxes that the eunuchs have taken to her. Then Memucan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king, but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes, for the queen's conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come. This very day. The Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen's conduct will respond to all the king's nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord. Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also, let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she than she. Then, when the king's edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm, all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest.

Speaker 2:

The king and his nobles were pleased with this advice, so the king did as Memucan proposed. He sent dispatches to all parts of the kingdom, to each province in its own script and to each people in their own language, proclaiming that every man should be ruler over his own household using his native tongue. That was our Bible passage for the day. Now let's see what Susie, jeff, angie and myself were discovering in God's Word. We had the whole scene with Queen Vashti, that's, xerxes' wife refusing to come before him, and all of his nobles and he was super mad about it. So today we start off with him wanting to consult some of his advisors to see what he should do about this problem with the queen. So what did you guys see in this?

Speaker 1:

Okay. Well, I'm kind of surprised that he asked anybody else and I'm surprised that there weren't already some laws about that. Maybe it was just understood that, you know, no woman would refuse the king anything that he asked for, because he looks at his advisors and they come up with this idea that we're just going to get rid of her and find a new queen, and I think Queen Vashti comes out pretty good with that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah they don't kill her.

Speaker 1:

I would have thought they would have just built some gallows for her right there.

Speaker 2:

Well, yeah, I mean I'm super shocked that he didn't have her killed. I'm thinking he must have really kind of liked her if he even considered what should we do about it.

Speaker 3:

I don't know, or maybe the people liked her, because I'm surprised that you think you know how could he ask other people? Because he was like on this popularity contest from the beginning it was all about, you know, bring people in so people can look at me, I've got all this money and wealth and fame, and so now his wife has done wrong and he can't even make a decision by himself. And what's interesting is the people around him say to him you know what she's done really wrong and it's going to impact the other women in the kingdom, so we've got to do something because it's going to impact them as well. Too much disrespect and discord right.

Speaker 4:

We're going to have complete chaos in the kingdom because no woman is going to listen to her husband again.

Speaker 1:

All in one day. Does your translation say that they're like by the end of this day? Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean like, like they didn't have social media. How was that going to spread?

Speaker 4:

all over the whole kingdom. It was definitely going to trend oh yeah, yeah, that's.

Speaker 2:

That's funny, that that is their big concern, because they, they, they want to put the ladies in place. Essentially, all women will respect their husbands. That is part of this edict that they want to write.

Speaker 4:

It was part of the culture as well. But I also want to refer back to Ephesians. Chapter 5, verses 22 through 33, says that the husband is the head of his wife, similar to how Christ is head over the church. Now, in saying that, that does not mean that husbands are to demand you will do like this. The Lord is teaching us in his scripture that you will be held responsible for the welfare of your family, so the wife should respect him and follow his direction and guidance, empowered through the Holy Spirit. But he is not to ordain. This is how everything is going to be done.

Speaker 1:

Jeff, if you guys treated your wives like Jesus did the church, he laid his life down.

Speaker 4:

Amen.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're supposed to be willing to give your life he gave his life in the most horrendous suffering way.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, if you do that for your wife, I'm pretty sure you know if you're going to that extreme, she's gonna respect you. And you know I was thinking here too, she's going to respect you. And I was thinking here too, you can't legislate. Respect.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

They were going to put this law out. You're going to respect your husbands. It was their culture anyway but you can't legislate that it's behavior that brings on respect. So the way we treat between husbands and wives, but between each of us and friend relationships and family relationships, if you treat them like you want to be treated hmm, that sounds like a good principle then that works. But in the intimacy of a husband-wife relationship, you treat her like Jesus treats the church, you'll be okay.

Speaker 2:

There's a cycle of love and respect that has to happen. If a husband shows his wife true love, she will respect him and that will be filling his tank and what he needs. Because I've read books. I'm the only single one sitting at the table, so I have to learn from these wise people at the table, but I've been reading that there is a cycle of love and respect. Men need to be respected more than they need to feel loved, and women need to feel loved more than they need to feel respected. It's by God's design.

Speaker 4:

It's by God's design, and I think that's where the king was more self-conscious about his own image than he cared about the queen, queen Vashti. He was more concerned about what are people going to say, and the chaos was only increased by his friends saying well, if this happens, then look what this is going to happen. They made a mountain out of a molehill, and so I think that's what he was more concerned about is his own reputation in the way that that all went down.

Speaker 2:

The story also sets up a key point. Here too that will play out later on. If the king makes an edict, it cannot be repealed later on. So that's very important for us to know that once this law goes into effect, they can't change it. They may have to make a new law, but they cannot take it back. So that's going to come into play later on. Yes, it will.

Speaker 1:

Maybe they did have social media back then. It sounds like it, because the king is all worried about how's this going to be presented. Like Susie says, what are these people going to think about me? So I'm going to look out, I'm going to put out a Facebook post to see what everybody thinks about it and then they post on the Instagram. It's going to be known throughout the 127 provinces immediately, and so they do. Maybe there is nothing new under the sun. Like the book of Ecclesiastes tells us, they were concerned about the same things. How's this going to look? How's what's this going to lead to? To what is my image?

Speaker 2:

you're also making me think right now, too, that I think these guys actually did know, behind closed doors, how powerful women were, and the women in their lives, because they were very afraid. Because, for real, because we will find out later on with the introduction of the enemy of the story, the villain Haman, his wife is very powerful. Her suggestions and what she says is powerful, and then you've got Queen Esther herself, who is able to turn the heart of the king to do something. So I find that very interesting.

Speaker 1:

Oh, cheryl, nobody has promoted the welfare of women more than this book right here and the word of God and Jesus. He elevates us oftentimes because he knew the world system would try to demote us and he just consistently, over and over through this word, from beginning to end, brings us back up.

Speaker 4:

And I love. In modern culture. We see a great example of this whole dynamic with my Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the mother yes the movie and the mother is telling her daughter you know, the man may be the head, but the woman, she is the neck and she can turn the head wherever she wants. And that is so awesome how that was communicated.

Speaker 2:

So I've seen that movie and I didn't even remember that line. So it's funny how different things speak to different people. Anyway, what a great discussion about love, respect, women, that culture, everything. It's so much fun to see different perspectives on God's word and talk it out with your friends. Thank you so much for joining us for Healing Strong's Around the Word podcast. I hope you were encouraged to get into your Bible and read, because it is the best selling book ever and you're going to really enjoy it. And if you have a chance, check out our website, healingstrongorg, where you can find out more about our mission and our amazing community groups. Until next time, remember faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.