EP 09: From Stress to Success: How to Rewire Your Nervous System for Life’s Biggest Changes

Major life transitions—whether it’s a career shift, retirement, motherhood, or personal reinvention—can feel overwhelming. But what if you could move through them with more ease, confidence, and resilience?

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Courtney Spiteri, a neuropsychologist, feminine empowerment mentor, and energetics coach, to break down the science of the nervous system and how it shapes our reactions to change. We explore:

• Why life transitions trigger resistance and fear
• How to rewire your nervous system for safety and success
• The missing link between science, intuition, and embodiment
• Why awareness, experimentation, and play are key to transformation
• Tangible strategies to regulate your nervous system and move through change

If you’ve ever felt stuck in old patterns, afraid of uncertainty, or unsure how to navigate big shifts in life, this episode is for you. Learn how to trust your body, reprogram your identity, and step into your next level with confidence.

Connect with Dr. Courtney Spiteri HERE
Connect with Carly Schade HERE

🎧 Tune in now and start creating a life that truly lights you up!

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Transcript

0:00:00 Carly: Foreign. Welcome to Coffee with Carly, your weekly wake up call to a happier, healthier life. I’m your host, Carly Shade, and I’m here to uncover how good life can get. Hey, friends, it’s Carly here, ready for another wake up call because I am so excited for today’s guest. Many of you know that science was my very first love. And really the way that I learn and grow and kind of best understand things is when I know what’s going on on a cellular level kind of behind the scenes.

0:00:42 Carly: And I know that this guest shares the same passion for science, for nerding out, for knowing what’s going on beneath the surface. So today’s guest is Courtney, Dr. Courtney, a neuropsychologist, a feminine empowerment mentor and energetics coach. And I am so excited to chat with her today. So welcome to the show. Courtney.

0:01:05 Courtney: Hello. Thank you so much for having me.

0:01:07 Carly: Yes, of course. How are you doing?

0:01:11 Courtney: So good. It’s 7:00 here in Australia. I’m feeling like super fresh and ready to dive into this amazing conversation with you.

0:01:19 Carly: Amazing. Well, we’re gonna dive right into it. Obviously we gave a little bit of your background, but why don’t you share, you know, like a little bit about yourself maybe what first drew you to studying the nervous system and behavior?

0:01:34 Courtney: Yeah. Oh, I love this question and this resonates so deeply with you with the science brain. I was always that, I don’t know that. Even that curious kid. I remember sitting with my sister once, I think I was like 10 or 11, and, and we were on this hill and there was just all people around. I don’t know why. We were talking about what we wanted to be when we grow up. And I didn’t even know where this came from, but I was like, I want to understand why people do what they do.

0:01:58 Courtney: Like I was like 10 years old, I was like, why do people respond how they respond? Why do they behave how they behave? I was just so inquisitive and curious about, yeah, being a human, I guess. And so very naturally, all throughout primary school, high school, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. I thought it was a medical doctor at the time, but I just had this drive for the science, like understanding how the world works, understanding how pieces fit together. I just wanted to learn how things worked.

0:02:27 Courtney: And it very, very naturally grew into that neuroscience because that was kind of, this is 10 years ago now, so it wasn’t like so much of a buzzword back then, but it was really starting to emerge. And so very naturally went from like Sciences into neuroscience, then into psychology, and then combining the two of the neuropsych is essentially understanding the connection between brain and behavior. And then through my own growth journey, particularly the last three years. Two. Three years.

0:02:54 Courtney: That’s when I delved and really expanded into energetics and feminine empowerment and things like that through all of my lessons. Yeah.

0:03:03 Carly: Oh, that’s amazing. And so, okay, so what, like, you’ve studied neuroscience for a while and so quickly tell me about what you’re doing now. Say. Sounds like you just said you’re combining you’re an energetics coach and neuroscience. How do those two go hand in hand? Because a lot of people don’t realize they do.

0:03:24 Courtney: Do. I know, right? I love this. This is a thing. It’s like, we either think it’s like the intuition and the energetics and spirituality is so woo, and it sits on one side of the spectrum, and then the other side is like, it’s science and it needs to be grounded in the physical reality, but when you actually start to dig the tiniest bit below the surface, you see that every. Everything is connected and that it is actually very much grounded in science, the energetics and the woo and all the things.

0:03:53 Courtney: And so, yes, my offering now is, I wanted to take because I do have a neuropsychology clinic, which is a very different space and still very much interested in the neuroscience. But what I was finding was when I started to work with people is that we needed both. There was an element missing when we just looked at how the body was functioning, and we weren’t tapping into the energetics and the feelings and the emotions so much.

0:04:18 Courtney: And I found this really, the aha moment for me was having had such a big life with, you know, a very colorful childhood, a big year of loss and grief in 2022, is that I’d spent my lifetime talking about my feelings as opposed to feeling my feelings. So I was very good at staying in my head. I was like, yes, I know I’m depressed and I’m anxious and I’m this. But it was. I just lived in this upper pole of my being.

0:04:47 Courtney: And it wasn’t until my grief really cracked me open was I was like came into my body, and I let the emotion come into my body and then be released. And as I started to rewire, this is where the neuroscience came in, because it was like the energetics and the feeling and, you know, that feminine and the intuition. But then it was like the body, the human has to catch up. And so that’s that rewiring process. And so now with my offerings with women, it is. It’s the both. Like, we talk about the nervous system and being in fight or flight and a survival mechanism, because the majority of us do still live in survival, just psychological survival now, not physiological survival, meaning, like there’s a tiger in the bush.

0:05:28 Courtney: The tigers pretty much live in our head a lot of the time. And how we can understand the body in that way and then link it back to the energetics, the intuition tapping into feeling and combining the two. So I feel like it. It really bridged a gap or created more space for the duality of it both. And it’s so much more potent and powerful than just talking about one or the other.

0:05:51 Carly: Oh, my God. I love. Yeah. I mean, it’s so important. And that’s where the transformation comes from. Duality in all things. But I love what you said. The exact phrasing of like, I was really good at almost, like, saying what I was feeling, but I wasn’t feeling it. And that is something I went through in my own journey. You know, like, when I would talk to people, they would always say, like, you seem really, like, embodied or open or whatever. And it’s like, well, I’m very good at talking the talk, but I was not walking the walk.

0:06:22 Carly: And I think that’s what a lot of people do. And they. We, like there are these words floating around. Like you said, you know, it was a buzzword. Neuroscience, you know, it hasn’t really been 10 years ago, but the nervous system and like, embodiment and feeling it and the health and wellness space, all these things are really coming to surface. But are we really feeling it? Are we really letting it come through? And so I think the work that you do is just so important. And that’s. That’s where that transformation comes from. Because we can all say that we’re going through these things. We all consciously, like, know what we should be doing, but actually doing it is very, very different. And it’s hard.

0:07:00 Courtney: Oh, yeah. It’s so like transformation. Any type of growth journey, I think we come in sometimes and we’re like, oh, this is so good. And we get that high vibe. But when you get into the crux of it, I don’t ever use, like, bad or good emotions or feelings, but there’s dense feelings and emotions that there’s a lot of resistance to move through because of how they actually feel in our body. But I see this. And linking back to what you’re saying, how people were very good at talking about it. We do we move through the world? It’s like, oh, I’m triggered and I’m activated and this and that, but, you know, it doesn’t feel good. But do you have the awareness of what’s going on?

0:07:34 Courtney: Are you able to bring yourself back into a space of neutrality and then respond. Respond to life as opposed to reacting to life? Because the majority of us seek external safety to create internal safety. So we’ll consistently be changing our external environment. We might change our jobs, our husband, our dog, our, you know, whatever it might be. And so we’re frantically trying to change the external to create internal safety.

0:07:59 Courtney: So the gem, or I don’t even like to say a secret, but the thing is, you get so powerful in your life and unstoppable when you are internally safe. And that is a real embodiment of what is my nervous system. How am I responding? What energy have I stored here? Can I release it and then make different moves? That is actually going to rewire my belief system and rewire who I am. When you become internally safe, you really dance with life because you don’t have that urgency to change everything outside in order to create the safety inside.

0:08:33 Carly: That makes a lot of sense, right? Like, anchored in the self. Coming back to I got this. You know, like, we all know that, you know, fortune favors the bold and risk hap. You know, you need to take risks in life to do these things. But again, it’s like, are we feeling it? So big transitions, life transitions is obviously when a lot of this stuff can kind of come into play. And I don’t know about you, maybe it’s just the space that I’m in right now. I’m, like, magnetizing it. But I feel like everyone I know is going through a major life transition. I mean, we all are. But, like, this is also. This is going to be an episode in service of my dad. So shout out to him right now because he just retired, you know, or, like, I have a ton of friends. I feel like ever since I left my job a year ago, like, I’m inspiring everybody to quit their jobs, or I have tons of friends entering motherhood. Like, these really crazy major life transitions. So before we get into solutions, like, what is actually happening, especially in a dysregulated nervous system, to our bodies, to our brains, when we’re encountering these major life transitions.

0:09:41 Courtney: It’s so interesting. I love this. I love this question. I did a talk on this in a women’s circle last year about the identity shifts that happen in life. And so just to share a tiny bit for context, my journey, my sister died suddenly, unexpectedly in April of 2022. And so this was an instant identity shift. Who I was, it was like those. You have those line in the sand moments of, like, okay, who I was before that and who I was after was just over.

0:10:10 Courtney: Like, completely over. Because you have to. Life gives you such a, you know, Mack Truck experience. You have to move. Conversely, we’re on the other side of that. You get the ones the identity shifts is what I mean, that you do see coming. So you see the retirement coming and you see the. Even the birth thing coming or having a baby coming. But there’s still this lag between the identity shift happening, meaning the life happening, the baby being born, the loss, the walking out of your job for the last time, whatever it might be, and then who you are in your nervous system and in your identity being who you’ve created yourself to be, there’s a lag for that to catch up.

0:10:53 Courtney: And so I feel like this lag, particularly if you are in a dysregulated state, can be really scary and really challenging for people because they’re just kind of rolling with the punches and it all just feels very chaotic and out of control. Instead of holding yourself through the process of, okay, I’m catching up to this next identity shift now, or even better, when you get that higher level of awareness.

0:11:15 Courtney: I’m actually creating my next identity shift now. And I’m a mother, so I’ve been through that motherhood journey as well. And it can take months or even years for some people to really start to embody being a mother. But when we don’t even understand that we’re going through the identity shift on a body level and on an identity level, it can just feel like we’re so out of control with it all.

0:11:36 Carly: Well, and I love what you said too, about, like, we’re creating this identity. It ties into, like, my big picture is like, we are all creating who we are. And I think that sometimes we let. We just think that, like, life is going to just happen to us. It’s just going to unfold the way it’s supposed to without actually engaging with it and, like, showing up. And so is that, like, why do so much. We feel so much resistance. Even if it’s something you want, right? Like you said, if it’s. Even if it’s a prepared, planned transition, you know, we know we are retiring. We know we are doing motherhood. So why we want this, we know we’re actually actively making this Identity choice. So why does it still feel so scary?

0:12:17 Courtney: I love this. It’s like everything. This is like the best question ever. If you understand this and you feel that feeling in your body, one of the things I always, like, bring my clients back to is like, what does that feel like, though? Once you understand the feeling of that feeling, you’ll be like, oh, I’m just scared again. You don’t know how to hold yourself through that process yet. You don’t know how to solve that set of problems. With every identity shift or even just being a human, there’s a certain set of circumstances or life happenings that we consistently kind of walk ourselves through.

0:12:51 Courtney: Sometimes these can be really useful for our growth, and sometimes they’re not. And when they’re typically not, I call them loops. Like, we kind of get stuck in these loops. But what I mean by a loop, it’s the same set of circumstances happening over and over again that you know how to manage. When you have a same job for 10 years, you know how to go and do that job over again. There might be a few changes, but it’s very familiar to you and it’s safe. Familiar reality is what creates safety in the nervous system.

0:13:19 Courtney: Even with the identity shifts, you know what’s coming. All the alarm systems are going to start going off, whether it’s motherhood, whether it’s retirement, whatever it might be a change in jobs, a change in career, because you don’t actually know what’s coming. You don’t know how to handle this new set of circumstances yet. And so that resistance is the resistance of change. And the change isn’t necessarily that you can’t handle it. It’s that your nervous system and your identity is trying to predict what’s going to happen, and it can’ because you haven’t walked that path yet.

0:13:48 Courtney: And so the default is always going to be to keep you safe. And this is one thing I say so often, but it actually even took me a long time to embody this and understand this. Is that your identity and your nervous system, it just wants to keep you safe. So if we think back to when, you know, we were cave people or living in the wilderness and things like that, it wasn’t going to favor the majority of us going and just exploring a new path. We’re going to be like, I have never gone downhill. Let’s just go and let’s just skip all together.

0:14:16 Courtney: Because highly likely was something down there that was going to hurt us and we wouldn’t survive. And so we still have these Same systems that we’re working with, but all of it is up here now. So we live in such a convenient life. The majority of us have a consistent roof over our head and steady income and things like that. I’m really generalizing here. I know there’s not everyone like that, but we still have this mechanism that wants to keep us safe.

0:14:42 Courtney: And so whenever there’s any perceived change of like, you know what, I’m going to go retire, I’m going to go change my job or I’m going to go have a baby now, it’s still like danger, danger, danger, danger. We don’t know where we’re going. I want to keep you safe. Let’s stay back here. So even though the brain might be like yes or the mind saying yes, I’m ready for this next step, you are still going to experience fear because fear is the sign that things are changing.

0:15:05 Carly: If our default is this, is it the process of do we just bring awareness to it and know how to work through it or can we actually change what our default is?

0:15:16 Courtney: We can change what our default is. Yeah, we can change what our default is. Where I think the missing gap here with this and why the majority of people will stay safe in the shadow careers or in relationships that aren’t serving them or just in life circumstances that aren’t serving them. Because remember, safety doesn’t mean success. And I don’t mean success like you’re a billionaire sitting on your mountain, like big mansion house.

0:15:40 Courtney: Success is that you’re living a life that you love. You’re living a life that lights you up from the inside out. One where you’re fully self expressed. It is just who you are. You get out of bed and you’re like, yes, I’m ready, like for me. That’s what success is. So safety doesn’t necessarily mean success. Safety means predictability. Where we typically or a lot of us try and change from is a space of dysregulation where we’re so busy reacting to life, we’re so busy again on that external of like I did. This just doesn’t feel good. I’ve got to grow. Oh no, this doesn’t feel good that we’re not actually in a space of neutrality yet.

0:16:14 Courtney: And so the first step, if you really want to have that lasting change and being able to get to that edge, is creating, as I said at the beginning, that internal safety of can I ground into this present moment? Can I? And sometimes this is part and part with, you know, for lack of a better word, A healing journey, because you have to start releasing some stored energy that you may have been holding onto for a long time. You have to start gaining awareness of these patternings that are just playing out over and over and over again in order to keep you safe.

0:16:44 Courtney: Once you get to that space of neutrality and you’re in your body, remember, like a lot of us are up here, you’re actually in your body. You get to that edge being the edge of your identity and what’s coming and you’re like, oh, I’m really uncomfortable. But you know that being uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re unsafe because your nervous system knows neutrality now. And so you can breathe through it and then you can move.

0:17:09 Courtney: A lot of people think that we do it once, that I’m just going to make the big bomb move and then I’m fixed and changed and then I’m on this new timeline. 95% of us is unconscious. Like we literally have 5% of this magic to work with. And so we don’t do it once, we do it again and again and again and again and that’s that rewiring into the new identity. Yes, we have major life events and we have major shifts and we do eventually catch up. But if you’re consciously co creating who you are, it’s that how can we get our nervous system to neutrality and then rewire knowing that we’re going to be uncomfortable in the process, but we can hold ourselves through it.

0:17:47 Carly: Okay, so, so yeah, regulated nervous system rewiring. And then from that point we’re not responding. But how do we know the difference? Because maybe there is, you know, probably not that often is there the real fear and we’re just perceiving it. But like, how, how do we know the difference? Is it feeling the same?

0:18:07 Courtney: Biologically speaking, being real famous, like you.

0:18:13 Carly: Just up against your edge? Yeah, like I’m. I’m uncomfortable because I’m on my edge or I’m uncomfortable because this isn’t right for me. And I think that that’s maybe where a lot of people get stuck too, is like, which one is it? And do they feel the same?

0:18:28 Courtney: This is. Oh, your question is.

0:18:31 Carly: So I’m just nerding out with you over here. I want to know the an.

0:18:35 Courtney: So good. So there’s almost a question under the question there. Yeah. Because it’s like, how do I know whether it’s not the right decision for me or whether it’s the right decision or I’m just scared. You don’t know, number one. But then what is that question underneath there? How do I know which option is going to keep me safe? So the right decision is linked with safety, isn’t it? If it’s the right decision for me, then I’m going to be able to minimize the failure. I’m going to minimize the challenges. I’m going to have guaranteed success, guaranteed money, guaranteed love, whatever it might be.

0:19:07 Courtney: So this is where we stall because we get to this point and this is going into more the layers of the mindset and how your mind works. But it’s like, tell me the right answer so I can stay safe. So our nervous system as well, and I say this a lot in our minds, we’re very sneaky. It’s very sneaky at keeping you safe because you get to that edge and it’s like, but what if this isn’t the right choice? And what if this happens? And what if this happens? And it will give you 1 million reasons to and 1 million what ifs to go, okay, you know what? I’m just going to stay here for another week, another month, another year.

0:19:37 Courtney: And so to answer your question, it is fear. It feels like fear. It can hurt in the body, for lack of a better word. It can feel super, super uncomfortable. It’s because the identity is like, stop, and all the alarm systems will go off. And sometimes it’s a little bit of a fun fear. Like, I don’t know when you’re going to go skydiving. You’re like, oh, gosh, this is a bit like, it feels really exciting and sometimes it’s hanging onto your seat. How am I going to do this? VR?

0:20:06 Courtney: And it is that same experience where it can shift, is bringing that awareness, or what I like to call, like the metacognition, like your awareness of your awareness in. Is this actually a real fear, a real threat? And if it is, what can I do in the moment to solve it? Or is this perceived? Am I responding to a perceived threat? Because one of the most important things to understand is your brain and nervous system. They’re obviously so connected. Your brain and your body are so connected.

0:20:35 Courtney: So the mind informs the body and the body informs the mind, but your brain cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is perceived. So if you’re lying in bed at night and you’re just visualizing, you know, the worst case, what I like to call, like your doomsday scenario, where you go and leave your job and then everything collapses and then you don’t have a home and you know that everyone has that story that sometimes plays out what happens to your body. It’ll start, like, getting contracted. You might get anxious, you might cry.

0:21:02 Courtney: So you’re actually responding to something that isn’t real in that moment. And so what we do with that rewiring process is, yes, feeling that fear, being like, okay, I’m really scared, but am I responding to a perceived threat or a real threat? The real one. There is always an action you can take in that moment to solve it or, you know, take. Create some type of spaciousness around it. Perceived one is your mind trying to keep you safe.

0:21:28 Carly: So real when we’re trying to figure out the difference. Real threat, there is. There is a solution that I can take right now to keep myself safe. Perceived threat is there’s a million what ifs. Okay, if we talk about, though, we talk about being on the edge and this new identity, but what if we. A lot of us don’t know maybe what this new identity is, right? Like, we know we want to be different. I mean, even in my experience, like, I know that I.

0:21:55 Carly: This was a year ago now, and, like, it was, you know, a lot of ups and downs, but it’s like, I don’t know what’s next, but I know this, where I am right now is no longer right for me. So I think it can be easier to, you know, like, I want to be this new person. I want to be this new identity. So what can we do before we even figure out this new identity? Just to, like, help get our nervous system up to, like, the present. Maybe not even this new identity, but just like, okay, who am I now without this job, without this role, without.

0:22:24 Courtney: This title, from a more, I guess, personal level with this, but also linking it back to the neuroscience when we’re in this explorative state of who am I becoming? The best way to move. I did a real about this yesterday. So random. The synchronicity is from your heart, space. And this is really for a lot of people, like, no, no, give me the right answer. Like, what do I do next? What’s going to be the safest outcome? What is expected of me now that I’m retired? Do I go and get a yacht and, like, travel around Europe? Like, is that okay?

0:22:56 Courtney: Should I do that now? Or should I start a little hobby business now? Because a lot of my friends are doing that. So we’re always up here. But what happens is we end up in another stage of life feeling unfulfilled and disconnected. Like you were saying. Like, I know this isn’t where I need to be right now, but I don’t know what’s coming next. But we’re so in our upper pole again. We’re not connected to what actually lights me up.

0:23:17 Courtney: And so where this journey started for me in the depths of my grief, I laugh. Now I’m gluten free. And I was so sick of eating really gross gluten free bread that was full of like so many nasties and costing like, I don’t know, $15 a loaf and it would go stale in a day. And it was just this feeling of like, you know, I’m just sick of this and I just want to do something for myself. And so I went and did this gluten free sourdough baking course.

0:23:45 Courtney: And I remember baking my first loaf of bread and I put it in the oven and I got it out and I just started crying. Like I was so moved that I had baked. It’s so wholesome, this story, but that I baked this bread and I realized it was the first time in my life, literally my life, I was such a high achiever, like type A personality, wanting to be a doctor, wanting to do all the things, wanting to stay on the right path and buy a house and have the babies and da, da, da da.

0:24:13 Courtney: And I realized this is the first time in my life I’ve ever done something for me that wasn’t for someone else and wasn’t for an external status or achievement. It just felt really good. And that feeling was activated because when we start to move from our heart space, we open up another way of being outside of our head. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. And that’s when I started initially showing up online.

0:24:34 Courtney: I was like, I’ve just baked this bread, I’m feeding my starter. And it was contagious. The energy that then led into the business that I run now, but it was from the heart space. And so this is when I have clients coming in, being like, this isn’t for me, but I kind of have this idea, but I don’t know, it’s like, what feels good? What feels good? What would you want to go and do? Just to try for the sake of trying.

0:24:57 Courtney: Sometimes it’s not it and sometimes it’s it. And then you try the next thing that feels really good. But again, linking back to our conversation earlier, it’s about coming back into the body and out of the head of what actually lights you up from the inside out. Because then you start to create the identity when we’re in our head space of Creating our identity. We’re still trying to get it right. We’re still wanting to stay within the boundaries as opposed to what lights up our soul.

0:25:23 Carly: Oh, I have so many parallels with that of. I mean, one, I think the key word that you said too, is experiment. And that is a huge part of my story. And like, the journey that I want to take people through is when I left my job, every single person was like, wait, what? So what are you doing next? What are you, you know, what are you gonna do? And they, like, couldn’t. I was like an alien, where I was like, oh, no, I don’t, I don’t have another job. I don’t have a plan. I don’t have any of those things.

0:25:52 Carly: But even before we can experiment with your gluten free bread, it was like, if you just didn’t finally realize that this gluten free bread sucked and you were tired of having it and you didn’t actually take the conscious effort to throw it out, you would have never found that amazing gluten free sourdough recipe. So I think there’s two points there of like, one, we have to let go of our old identity, throw out the shitty gluten free bread that is no longer making you happy.

0:26:23 Carly: Like, you have to let go of that before you’re gonna find that new solution. And that’s again right where like the work that you do, the work that I do, like, is so important because it’s. It’s hard. You’re. You’re going up to that edge, but having the support, someone telling you or yourself, throw out the bread and go find a new solution. But it’s like, that’s step one, throw out the old thing that’s not serving you anymore.

0:26:46 Carly: And then two is experiment. And we, it is so important because we’ve all got stuck on, like you said, the shoulds need to do this. I need to do this. Like, and we weren’t like this as kids and just as adults. We’ve just gotten on this like one track thing. And that’s how I got here. You know, I ex. Like, I actually am gonna have an episode called do the weird because it’s just like the. In the last year, I signed up for like a women’s channeling course with my friend Hannah, which is totally not like me. Like, we went to some multi dimensional energy. He, you know, I like, wanted to take up figure skating again, like, just do the weird things, you know, I tried to start an Etsy store that failed miserably. And I learned that that’s really not what I want to be doing. You know, it’s like, but you have to experiment.

0:27:35 Carly: And if I hadn’t done all those things the last year, then I wouldn’t have landed in this exact spot. Doing what actually does light me up, you know, learning and sharing and nerding out over gluten free bread and like sharing with the world what’s possible with them. So I love, yeah, I love what you said of just like step one, throw out the bread and step two, you just have to experiment. So like this is everyone’s permission slip. Like go experiment. You don’t know what you don’t like until you go do it.

0:28:05 Courtney: Until you literally go do it. And your brain, and this is why, like understanding and linking back to the brain, your brain doesn’t want you to do this. Like your nervous system doesn’t want you to do this. You’re hardwired, hardwired for safety. So it wants the system, it wants the next step, the right answer. And then you’ve gone through schooling, you’ve gone through a lot of conditioning. You have very, and I’m never going to say fixed because we’re not fixed. But you have these really strong programs that want to keep you safe.

0:28:32 Courtney: But one of the things like linking back to the bread journey and I love that like, yeah, you throw out the shit bread. You do throughout the shit bread. And then when I baked the bread and it’s a really good bread, so good. It’s actually amazing. But when I actually had the sourdough bread, gluten free sourdough bread, I didn’t even know that was possible. I was saying life is too short to eat shit bread. Like it’s too short for us to go and get the shit bread and eat the bread over and over again when there are so many other options out there.

0:29:02 Courtney: There are so many other options. And I love that go do the weird thing, go and experiment because it’s so short. And I know I have a really, I have so much evidence for the shortness of life. Having gone through grief, like my sister passing away, then six months later my dad passing away. So I see that when the last page is turn, that’s the last page. But there is so much to experience. And I don’t think we are here to get life right.

0:29:30 Courtney: Like we don’t, we’re not here to get life right. We’re here. Like you’re saying you go and do the channeling course and go and do this and go and do that after My bread journey. I went to Carlton Sing. I went and joined a woman’s choir. I was like, well, this might be fun. You know what I mean? And it was intuitively led songs. It was so powerful. I went and did that. And then I go and do embodiment classes, and then I go like, I’m just like, oh, that looks good. Let’s do it. Like, last year, I launched a soiree for women to have silent discos on the beach at sunset. Like, just cause.

0:29:57 Courtney: Because it’s like, why not? Why not? It’s too short to live. Like, in this, I don’t know, this paradigm where there’s no space for exploration, experimenting, play, fun. And don’t get me wrong, there are denser moments in life. But why does that mean that we can’t have a good time at the same time?

0:30:17 Carly: Our humans are fluid, our identity is fluid. Like, we are meant to. I mean, and that’s something that I think, you know, you and I both found the same space with Shoshana. It’s just like, we. We’re not meant to put ourselves in boxes, and anytime that we do, it makes it so hard. And like, that is something. When I was guiding trips in Southeast Asia, you know, it was like two week trips for college age students and the transformation that I would see them, what I realized is identity was huge because they would all come by themselves not knowing anyone, and it was like they. Their first time that they got to reinvent themselves.

0:30:51 Carly: You know, they got to be and act however they wanted to. Because in college, right, we’re all stuck on, you know, like, I like country music, therefore I wear the cowboy hat and I whatever, you know, I snowboard, therefore I dress like a tomboy. You know, I don’t know. But, like, that’s when I identified with that as well. It’s like life is supposed. You get to wake up every day, wear whatever you want, dress however you want, wear whatever clothes you want. Like, but I think that is a thing that’s hard for people. Like, we’re supposed to dress the certain way that fits, you know, what music we like and what we do as a job.

0:31:25 Carly: And, like, we just keep putting ourselves in this mold. So just being able to break free from that 100.

0:31:36 Courtney: And the reason on that the mold feels like you like linking back to that identity is because you are what you repeat. That’s what you believe you are. Whatever you repeat over and over again, you believe to be true about yourself. So it’s not that your limiting beliefs are any more real. Than your, you know, high vibrational beliefs is that you’ve repeated them also, you have more evidence for them. And when you understand this, that it’s not that you are who you think you are, you’ve just repeated that for days, months, years, decades, over and over again. That’s why it feels so fit, not because it is who you are. You can change who you are in a second. You can go, you know, run the retreats, bake the gluten free bread, you know, go and get married, whatever it is.

0:32:16 Courtney: And when you have those big life identity shifts, like getting married or having a baby or retiring, you start to see, wow, I’m actually, I’m not just a firefighter, I’m not just the mother, I’m not just this. But you think you are because you’ve repeated that so often. So it is, it’s creating that space and flexibility of like, who do I actually want to be today? What do I actually want to do today?

0:32:37 Courtney: The reason that feels unsafe is because you probably never asked yourself that question. Or maybe you have in certain time frames where it’s been a bit safer when you were younger, in your 20s, and you’re supposed to explore who you are, but then you get into your 30s and 40s and 50s and no, I have to. And this is one thing that we say, like, you have to be serious and settle down. I’m like, why, why, why?

0:32:56 Courtney: Why are we settling down? What does that even mean? Like, what? No, this is the time where we have more money, more resources, more knowledge. This is the time to go and play more than when we were children.

0:33:09 Carly: Yes, yes. Go play, experiment, live life. Yeah. And so, okay, so let’s dive a little bit into solutions. Right? So, you know, there’s a lot of these big transitions. We get married, we, whatever. We realize that we more, we’re more than our job, we’re more than whatever. So how do we, like, what are some tangible practices to get more experience? Either I guess, regulating our nervous system or like not getting stuck on this loop. Like, what are some, some tips or solutions that you would give our audience just to like start holding ourselves through this or just even bringing awareness to what’s happening.

0:33:49 Courtney: That’s so amazing. That was literally the first step always is bringing awareness, starting to create space between this is who I am and asking yourself, yes, who do I want to be? But observing who you think you are, like, why? Like, you wake up every morning and you will go through the same set of practices. The majority of people like you go and you’ll either make the coffee straight away, you’ll do this, you’ll do that. And it’s about firstly creating that space of this is who I am and watching who you are, watching it play out over and over and over again. That always, what I like to say, builds in a trigger switch over time because you start to observe life as opposed to being smack banged right up there against the glass with life and with that spaciousness comes that curiosity of like, oh, why does this not feel good in my body? Why does this feel good in my body? Maybe I can lean more towards this or back towards here.

0:34:44 Courtney: So always starting with that awareness. I do a lot of mindset work and not so much in the space of affirmations, which, look, I’m here for it all. I think they certainly play a key role, but really starting to redefine how you experience life. So one of the biggest things in that question you asked before, like, how do you know it’s the right path? Can you choose that there’s no wrong path? Can you choose that every single path is a learning opportunity regardless of how it unfolds.

0:35:15 Courtney: We start to actually again drop into that creative space of maybe there isn’t the tiger in the bush, but I’m actually going to learn who I am, am in this process. If I redefine failure, if I redefine fear. For me now, fear is the green light for growth always. If I’m scared about something, I’m going to grow. Will I succeed? Probably not. Maybe, but like I’m going to grow 100% and that’s another step towards where I want to go.

0:35:39 Courtney: The same with the failure. Like there’s never any failure, there’s always lessons. All obstacles are opportunities in disguise. So you start to again, you can see the vocabulary here. This is what I repeat over and over and over and over again. I don’t do my affirmations once a week and expect I’m going to be completely different person. This is the way I move through the world. Like, oh, another obstacle. Okay, where’s your opportunity?

0:35:59 Courtney: And so you start to rewire in that way, linking back to the nervous system. And there’s so many things we can talk about here, but your daily practices of who you are in grounding your nervous system. And I’m going to go more into like the actual physicality here, but connecting to the earth. Are you in an insulated bubble where you wake up, you put your shoes on, you’re never connected with the earth, you’re never outside, you’re never in the sunshine, are you waking up every day and looking at your phone and not giving yourself natural light? Like, all of this compounds over time and actually makes the nervous system really unsafe.

0:36:35 Courtney: With the majority of my clients, where we start, a lot of them are women and mothers, is like, let’s talk about basic needs. Because we’ve been trying to hold on and not go to the toilet when we need to go to the toilet. I know it’s so simplistic, but we don’t even in school, it’s like, wait till the time. So we’re all sitting there busting. Like, when our bodies want to go, you know, we don’t eat. When we’re hungry, we’re like, oh, I’m hungry. I’ll just go. I’ll just have a snack. And we don’t eat when we’re hungry, we don’t sleep. When we’re tired, do we scroll?

0:37:04 Courtney: So we’re completely disconnected from actually meeting basic needs. So when your basic needs aren’t met, your body will signal internal discomfort and internal unsafety because it needs to be fed, it needs to have water, it needs to have sleep. And so when we were like, how do I start regulating my nervous system? I’m like, all right, let’s start with the basics. Like, let’s really start with, are you eating consistently? Are you sleeping well? Are you managing your blue light? Are you out on the earth?

0:37:29 Courtney: And those shifts very naturally will start to bring the nervous system back down into a recalibrated state. I can then go on. And I’m happy to talk about, like, recalibrating your nervous system based on what you’re consuming as well, but, yeah, that’s another. Another layer to it.

0:37:45 Carly: We’re all just big babies that. Just walking around, Big babies that need to pee, have our diapers changed. I love it. Well, I mean, I love that you. I mean, this probably is gonna have to end up being in a part 2 if we end up talking about might. So a book that I read that talked about, you know, emfs, grounding. You know, I have a grounding bed sheet. I look at my red light. I have red light glasses. Like, I literally change on my phone, making it red.

0:38:15 Carly: Like, I agree. You know, we. The importance of just nature and magnetism. And there’s this book, Mitochondriac Manifesto. If you haven’t read it, you will love it because it just dives into the science of it all. But I love. I love those tips because those are so practical, and they are the baseline for not just Our nervous, like everything, everything health, like what this book talks about too. And you know, when I was a dietitian it was like, like I, you know, I ate the right thing, I was working out all the time, but I still felt crappy. And it comes back to nervous system things you talked about in the beginning, like talking the talk but wasn’t walking the walk.

0:38:54 Carly: And connecting with the earth is the single most important thing to our overall well being. It just really is whether it is again the nervous system or like even before the food we eat, the light that comes into our eyes is signaling to our bodies. Like what’s happening, you know, eating locally is actually breaking down light within the food. So I love those tips because it’s something that we’re all doing but, or we all know, right, like stop scrolling first thing in the morning.

0:39:25 Carly: But I think it’s easier said than done. Like how, how do we do that? I don’t know.

0:39:31 Courtney: It’s so. I agree it is, it’s. Yeah, it is so simple and in the simplicity, it’s so profound because you think, oh, if I just go stand on the earth in the sunlight in the morning, what’s that going to do you do every day for a year? You’re a different person every day. We had a, just to share really briefly, we had a miscarriage between our two babies and it was really early on, six weeks, but it just rocked me. I just didn’t, I couldn’t understand how I had a miscarriage and I just wanted to get to the depths of it. And again, with every obstacle, there’s the opportunity.

0:40:03 Courtney: I deep dove so deep into my health, into what am I consuming, what am I putting on my body? How is that affecting my hormones? What am I eating, what am I drinking? And, and radically my poor husband came home and he’s like, all the products are gone. What’s happened? I’m like, everything’s low tox now. But over time we didn’t see it straight away, but over time the baseline shifts. So your baseline nervous system, your baseline energy, it all starts to shift over time when you commit to these practices. So I think, and just thinking back to how we typically operate now we want the quick fix. It’s like, give me the thing that’s going to change it all right now. And it’s like, no, again, this is the rewiring of who you’re being.

0:40:42 Courtney: Don’t look at this like the one week journey. Look at this in like the 10 year journey. Who are you in 10 years when you’ve done these practices over and over again. And what can you then achieve and experience in life when you’re coming from such a grounded space of neutrality and understanding your body and optimal health over and over and over again?

0:41:00 Carly: And coming back, coming back to the basics, right? We talked about, okay, feed ourselves. You know, we don’t eat when we’re hungry, we don’t sleep when we’re tired. And yet we’re mad at ourselves for not understanding our own intuition. You know, it’s like, okay, you know, what is going to really coming back to thriving in life? You know, the success and all that is just living the life that we love, living a life we’re proud of. That’s what you and I both do.

0:41:24 Carly: But so a lot of that comes with intuition and knowing who we are and then what we want. But it’s like, come back to the basics. Like, if you can’t understand your deep intuition, well, are you actually. Yeah. It’s no wonder you can’t because you’re not even listening to these obvious signals. If I have to pee, I’m hungry and I’m tired.

0:41:43 Courtney: This is so huge. If you haven’t read Michael Singer’s work the Untethered Soul and the Surrender Experiment. Amazing. But he talks about this. He talks about starting with the low hanging fruit. And it’s so true. People like, I want to activate my intuition and move from this space. It’s like, what are you not listening to currently? And it is, start with the low hanging fruit. Go to the toilet when you need to go to the toilet, hang on for another hour because you’re busy in your head.

0:42:10 Courtney: Honor what your body is asking you to do. And the more you do that, the more the intuition develops, the more the feelings develop and you’re able to, able to connect back into that space. We build trust over time. It’s like a muscle. And we build our intuition over time, like a muscle as well. And so linking back to your question, when you’re like, how do you know what’s next if you’re not ready for that identity shift, you start building trust with like, I’m listening to you. Okay, let’s move. That doesn’t feel good. I’m not going to stay in that relationship, but I am going to move over here. Like an opportunity start pouring in because you’re living in alignment with what’s actually going on inside as opposed to staying disconnected and up in the headspace.

0:42:52 Carly: Wow. So it’s. Every time I have these interviews with people or I just chat, it’s like we dive into the science, we do all these things. And then ultimately though, though it’s just coming back to what we already know. You know, the simplicity of all of it. Like, and we work so hard in the health and wellness space and all these things and it’s like, it’s all simple. We like to make these things complicated. But it’s like true transformation, true health, true well being is actually really simple.

0:43:22 Carly: It’s just the unlearning, you know, that that comes with it and, and time. So, you know, it sounds like we talked about solutions, getting back to the basics, you know, learning to trust ourselves over time. And I think that’s a key thing is so many of us especially, I mean in all of our world, but America, you know, it’s like the quick fix in all of healthcare right now, it’s like we want the quick fix.

0:43:43 Carly: So I think giving ourselves and our, you know, the listeners, giving yourself empathy and grace and knowing like, hey, you’ve been living this way for 20 years. Like repattering, rewiring isn’t gonna take, you know, two weeks. Like you’ve been living this way for 20 years and you’re trying, you know, so giving yourself grace and time is sounds like it’s key.

0:44:06 Courtney: Absolutely. And also in that even remember, like saying, listening to what I said earlier with safety doesn’t necessarily mean success. So if you have been operating for a year, even, you know, a few months in a certain pattern, particularly when we’re going into decades, like 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, there’s a lot of resistance to change because exactly what you said, Carly, it’s so simple. Why isn’t everyone just out there living their best lives doing all these simple practices is because we’re in the loop. We’re in the loop of what feels safe. We know how to manage our lives when our health isn’t optimal, when we’re not living the life of our dream, it’s very predictable, even though it’s not successful, whatever your definition of success is.

0:44:45 Courtney: So even just the awareness that there is going to be resistance, there’s going to be resistance when you are consciously changing or when life will change for you and how can you hold yourself through that process? One of the things I just wanted to touch on really quickly is also that lens of like, and this is where the energetics comes into my work, is that you can’t shame yourself into change either.

0:45:07 Courtney: You can’t continually try and create self love from self hate. You can’t create joy from shame. You Can’t. So you have to rewire that component of as well, of the energy of like where I am right now is whole and complete. I’m completely worthy on arrival. I’m going to love myself back in this process and then I’m going to move because this is also where it starts to come undone, is that we have the belief that we’re unworthy and we need to change, we need to be fixed. So we go and join the gym.

0:45:32 Courtney: But every time, if you create it from that space, every time you go and join the gym, you’re reaffirming the belief that you’re not okay. This is why we can’t sustain it. Because no one wants to keep reaffirming the belief they’re not okay whether it’s. It’s unconscious or conscious. And so we end up defaulting back and numbing out those negative beliefs as opposed to getting really underneath what’s going on.

0:45:52 Courtney: Creating it from a space of self love and then moving like that. Like this is nourishing my body. This is loving myself back in this process. This is moving because I love myself. It’s a completely different energetics and it compounds over time.

0:46:06 Carly: Science and energetics, they need each other. For anyone who thinks things are woo woo, no, it’s not duality in all things. Oh my gosh. Well, I feel like we could talk forever. We definitely can. I’m sure we will continue this in the future. But thank you so much. I mean, this was amazing and helpful and like just you’ve shared just some incredible insights. And I think no matter whether it’s a life transition, like, this is just this can relate to everyone.

0:46:38 Carly: Right. Like this is just. We all have nervous systems. We’re all moving through things. Like we all want more out of life. You know, like, we all ultimately do want to feel our best, but we don’t always know what that means. We don’t always know what’s holding us back or why. And so I think you just. I had a ton of fun nerding out with you, but I also just learned a ton of like, why we do the things that we do and when we can shine just a little bit of light on that, like we can take the first step in transforming our lives.

0:47:09 Courtney: Oh yeah, I agree. I feel like we could talk forever, but absolutely, like we hold all the power and the more you understand who you are and what you’re working with, because this is the thing I used to, when I was very naive, just thought I would become regulated and stay regulated forever. And a lot of people say this, like, I just want to be regulated. If you were regulated forever, you will not survive very long.

0:47:30 Courtney: You just won’t. You need the nervous system, you need to become dysregulated. You need all of this. But instead of resisting what is, we learn to like dance with it. Like, how can I learn more about my body, about my nervous system, about the signals, about where I’m in a loop, about my patterning, about my resistance, and so then I can take conscious action as opposed to unconscious action. And that’s the biggest shift over time. We don’t want to not be dysregulated. We need those signals. That’s why we’re here. That’s why we’ve got this beautiful system to work with.

0:48:02 Courtney: But how can we gain more awareness and more experience so you can create that life that you absolutely love? So thank you so much. This is just. Yeah, I’ve enjoyed this conversation. It’s been everything.

0:48:14 Carly: So, so fun. So how can people get in touch with you? You know, we’ve obviously talked a lot about the nervous system, but if people want deeper support, they want to learn more. What’s the best way that people can, can stay in touch with you?

0:48:26 Courtney: Definitely on my Instagram. So I’m very active on Instagram. Courtney Spiteri. I also have a website at the moment. I have a 28 day aligned action called Fearless Aligned Action Challenge called Fearless and Fabulous February where you get daily guidance on this. Essentially like the identity, the nervous system. What is fear? How do we move through our edge? I also offer mentorship in group programs as well. So there’s so many different places to plug in.

0:48:51 Courtney: But yeah, Instagram is definitely my go to.

0:48:54 Carly: Amazing. And of course we’ll share all in the show notes.

0:48:58 Courtney: Thank you. See you.

0:48:59 Carly: Thanks, Courtney. Wow, that was so much fun. Thank you guys for joining along. You know, I think that the nervous system really gets talked about a lot in health and wellness, is kind of on the up and up in terms of just general well being. But we’re kind of missing like what, what that means, you know, and that’s the point of this podcast. Like I talked about Burnout, talked about Nervous System, like these buzzwords that are really coming into the space for being healthy, for being wealthy, for being successful, happy, all of that.

0:49:33 Carly: But it’s like, what does that actually mean and how does that apply to us in our lives? So I hope that this gave you a better understanding of our nervous system. I hope that this gave you a little bit more empathy. If you yourself are going through a major transition, knowing that it’s hard. Like Courtney said, you’re gonna come up against resistance. You’re gonna come up to the edge. These feelings are normal.

0:49:59 Carly: And I hope that you walked away with a little bit of grace for yourself, a little bit of empowerment and a little bit of encouragement and some guidance just on how to keep moving through life transitions. But my hope, too, is just remember that our bodies want to keep us safe. Safe. But safe doesn’t mean successful. And whatever your definition of success is, you know, creating who you are, living a really good life, realizing how good you’re supposed to feel, that is on the other side of this discomfort.

0:50:33 Carly: And that is the whole purpose of this podcast, to wake you up to how good life can be. But in order to do that, you’re gonna have to go through some of that sticky feeling, that discomfort. Feel the feels. Remember, instead of just talking the talk, you gotta walk the walk. So thank you again for catching up with me. And remember, like a good cup of coffee, stay bold, stay balanced, and I will see you all next week.

0:51:00 Carly: Cheers.