Squatting 1,200 LBS & Surviving the Dark: Mental Health and Strength Over Suicide | Unspoken with Jeff Frank

In this powerful episode of Unspoken with Nick and Nick, the hosts sit down with Jeff Frank, the Head Coach of Powerlifting at Ottawa University and the 10th person in the world to squat 1,200 lbs. Beyond his elite athletic feats, Coach Frank delivers a raw, vulnerable look into his life as a suicide survivor, detailing his journey from the darkness of high school bullying and multiple suicide attempts to finding a second chance through strength and faith. Jeff explains the mission behind Strength Over Suicide (SOS), his initiative to turn a "distress call" into a message of hope, and introduces his "disco ball" philosophy—the idea that even the smallest amount of light can be reflected to illuminate an entire room. Whether discussing the mental health benefits of "failing forward" in the weight room or his recent profound spiritual awakening, Jeff’s story offers an essential masterclass on resilience, accountability, and the life-saving impact of meaningful connections between men.

Thank you again to Jeff for joining us on the show today! You can find him below on Instagram:

@jeff.frank

@strengthoversuicidesos #bethediscoball

Transcript

0:17

Welcome back to another episode of Unspoken with Nick and Nick. Yeah, baby. What is going on everybody? We are here another week and a super highly crazy, highly off the wall anticipated episode that we've both been really excited for straight. We've been talking those things that we have talked about for a long time. I think we, I think he's been brought up in every episode. We have talked about this episode for over a year, Jeff. Yeah. If you believe it. It's crazy. Even, even Jeff and I talked about it. Even better. Yeah. Even better. Well, last year when we kept talking about it, I was like, when is this happening? What is this? I know. Why is it not going on? Yep. Look, I heard last episode. He had to beat me in a submission. Anyways, we're going to dive right into it, man. Let's do it. Jeff, man, tell us who you are and what you do, man. Well, my name is Jeff Frank. Obviously that's just my name. That's not who I am. But who am I? I'm an athlete. I'm a coach. I'm a survivor. I'm many, many things. But at the same time, I'm nothing, I guess we could say. But at the same time, I think that's just how we all feel though. I mean, that times we probably question things and wonder and that we're just a small spec. But the main thing I would probably say is that I try to be inspirational. And I would say that if hopefully at the end of everything in life, that that's who I am as inspiration. I love that. I love that. So then now, as of today, what do you do for work? I am the head coach at Ottawa University for the men's and women's powerlifting team. Boom. Boom. Hell yeah. Yup. Duke and bench press a Buick. That's true. Wait, one of the new ones. Not an electric one. The heavy one. One of the 70s ones. Only if I had my shirt. So you're not like hiding it underneath like a bunch of sweatshirts and stuff like these kids with their pump covers. And they're out there. They're like, Oh yeah, look at this guy. He's 20 years old, all Natty and he can bench press 850. Yeah, he's so Natty, bro. No, I think even whenever I put on like bag your clothes, they still realize that I'm just a very large person who can absolutely move an entire tank. I think you could rip this house off its foundation. That's probably a fair point. Yeah, that would be one of the fun things if that was my superpower. I love that. Yeah, yes. We're not there yet. That's second half. Okay, but we're still going to talk about it. Can I say something real quick, dude? Yeah. And I know I've brought this up. I've actually brought this up to both you, but I haven't brought it up to everybody listening. What's really cool about this moment right now for me is I've got two of my best friends in Kansas City who both started as clients in my chair. Hell, yeah. And double down. We're both. Oh, you guys. Yeah. And it's straight up. It's not even client anymore. It's like I've got two of my boys coming in. We get to hang out, get chill. I don't even care. Like I don't know how many times, especially I mean, Nick, you can vouch for this too. But Jeff, I mean, the first time Jeff ever sat in the chair, I was working for a local barber shop and, um, God, what was it? Two hours? I remember that another barber kept saying, wow, why you guys are still here just talking. Yeah. I mean, it was like halfway done shaving your head and it's an hour in and I'm like, Oh, I should probably like get moving. You had either just moved here or just recently started there. Cause yeah, yeah. I wasn't even the other bar. Even my other partner was my barber. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. And she was, I don't know if that gave it away, but yeah, she was booked out completely. And then I just seen, I needed to get a haircut and a beard trim and see Nick Brown was like, well, I don't know who this guy is, but all right, let's go. And immediately it was like, all right, you're my bro. Okay. Okay. But okay. So you'll, you'll get this Jeff, cause you probably had the same reaction I did is you saw the picture of him with his hat and his curly stash, didn't you? Yeah. And I was like, all right, this guy gets it. The biggest concern is when you have a beard, it's can I trust this person to actually line it up, make it look good? Yes. I can't. So I would go in and do something and I'm going to take, cause he had to fix it. Sure. I, we, I had taken my line way down to here to like underneath where my, where the, my lips meet and he's, he doesn't say anything negative about it, but there's also times where I've came in there and I'm like, Nick, you gotta fix this. Like I have wandered into a shit storm and I don't know how to get out. And I just love that you both are here right now. And it's been so, this is like highly anticipated because you and I have been talking about it. You and I, Nick, you and I have been talking about it. Yeah. And it's just so enlightening to have both here. Cause it's just Nick. I, I already gush over you all the time, but then Jeff, I gush on you too, man. I make you blush in the chair, but now I get everybody to hear it. I love Jeff. Jeff is an inspiration to a lot of people out there, man. Your story's incredible. We've gotten to know each other on a very, very personal level, like more vulnerable than most men would be with each other. Jeff and I have had closed door sessions where it's like, you leave a note on the outside of the door, do not come in. I mean, we're, we're talking about life. We're talking about, he's given me his story. I'm given him my story and we're to the point now. And I know Nick and I are too. You guys could walk in there. Nobody else would know anything's up with me, but you two would. Oh yeah. You'd go, uh, Hey, what's going on, man? Nothing, man. I'm great. Shut up. You're a liar. You're a liar. Yeah. Something's wrong. And you're a liar too, which is awesome because it's not just in that moment with both of you. It's not about the service. It's not about next. It's not about money. It's about bro. Talk to me. Yeah, let's be real here. Well, we've had moments of like that with on my side and your side. It's like we know each other's aren't okay. Uh huh. Yeah. Let's talk. Let's talk. Yeah. Right. And Jeff has even told me don't do anything today. Let's just talk. See, that's rad. And I see like that's something that to me, that's an uncommon thing nowadays. It is. And it's awesome to have because there's it's just not done anymore. There's I feel like too often now and we might be getting into this super early, but I don't care. Too often now relationships are transactional. Yes. It's like it's like a give and take. And there's not like a it's an ATM. Yeah. Yeah. And that sucks. Yeah, that sucks because it doesn't have to be anything. It could just be like I talk a lot. There is no denying that. Yep. I could just sit next to my wife and be happy and chilling and like just be in her company and cool with it. And I feel like that's the way I'm with you, Nick. And Jeff, I'm told that you're the same. Yes. So I feel like we could be bros too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. From leading into this, all I've ever heard about was the same thing from you as well. So I agree with everything that you just said. Yeah. And it's just it sucks because like, well, it's what we were talking about before, Nick, like the whole thing around the fact that people aren't transparent. Yeah. Like that you don't just see everything and you could potentially affect someone's day positively or negatively, depending on how you respond to them or if you even react to them at all. Like if you're just walking down the street, how hard is it to just be like a little head nod, smile, wave, wave, be the annoying neighbor that waves at everybody like me. I'll just be out there. And I just did it tonight. I was throwing a baseball around with my youngest boy. He's like, Dad, can we go throw a ball? And I'm like, Mom's going to be home soon. Dinner. Yes. So we went out and I don't know, we had three or four neighbors driving by. Yeah, I'm the guy out there waving at everybody. And I'm sure they're like, man, this guy, what is he on? Yeah. Like, how is he always happy? Well, I'm not, but I just want to extend a little bit of what I got to you. If you look at it though, nine times out of 10, maybe that's the reaction. But that one is the one that matters. Bingo. Jeff just said it. I love that. Exactly. See, I would be like obnoxious enough to be that guy that's like standing out in my yard with like a huge sign, just like holding up and be like, what's up? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? You know? No, I love it, man. I love it. So it's awesome to be on the same page like that and be able to really kind of just vibe in that way and know when, like, okay, so I'm not right. Like you need, you need me in a way that is not just me showing up and existing. And that's, that's a cool thing to have. Yeah. And it's, it's definitely real. So I agree completely. I love this. I'm so excited, dude. Heck yeah. So Jeff, I have, I have thousands of questions, truthfully, because like I said, we talked about this episode for so long, but I have to ask how in the heck did you end up at OU? I was actually the previous head coach that was there last year. Yeah. I had known him for years when we both first got into powerlifting. Okay. Okay. And he took over the spring before the 23, 24 year. Okay. Okay. And I came down, he asked me if I wanted to come down, you know, once a week, twice a week, or as long as as much as I wanted to. Yeah. To help out with the equip side. The team was 12 people strong at that point. Okay. And I would come down one day a week and I just helped out with the equip side. And a lot of them had a hard time with the bench shirt. So with the powerlifting, you can go in raw, which is virtually just exactly what you guys are wearing, which you wear a singlet. You've seen college wrestling this kind of how it is. But equipped, it's, it's single ply. And it's just a of a piece of equipment made of one single ply. And, but it's, it helps reinforces like either the hips or the shoulders and the chest and whatnot. You can usually lift more weight with it, but that's if you learn how to use it. But it's essentially like a form corrector, right? Kind of. You have to learn the form. Okay. So it will not correct your form. If anything, it will very strongly and quickly disregard you if you do not know it. I mean, you can get potentially very hurt with this where it can turn something to where every day it's easy just to stand up. I mean, yes, some days that we're going to be sore and it's hard. Of course, let's say like take your, your best lift ever, you know, whatever weight that is. Right. And you're raw and you can do that any day of the week. Yep. No questions asked getting to equipment. You could potentially turn that into a max effort grinder, like maybe even miss it. If you don't know the actual technique for it. Yeah. So I came down once a week with that and was helping them with that before they went to a college collegiate nationals because then that year they were a part of a different federation. Okay. Um, fast forward into the summer, didn't really know if I was still a part of it because it really wasn't much communication. About two weeks out, he asked me if I still want to do it and I'm like, oh, hey, like I didn't know like, yeah, we didn't speak at all over the summer. He's like, yes, absolutely. I want you to be there. Went down on the very first day. I, um, I competed actually the weekend before in Minnesota and came back, showed up on that Monday or Tuesday. I forget what today was the first day of classes were came down. I was still volunteering and made my decision then that I'm just going to do this full out. I'm on a full time volunteer every single day. Didn't get paid, but it just fell in love with it. You know, enjoyed being around the kids, helping them, seeing them go through the different times of their life. Cause yeah, you know, like when you're a college student, you think you got everything figured out. Oh yeah. It's a big growth time. Yeah. It's a big growth time. Yeah. The first real time away from parents for the majority of right. You know, they making their own decisions though. And they all think that they know what they want to do, but they have no clue what they want to do. They all think they know who they are, but they have no idea who they are and being able to go through that, watch them succeed, watch them fall, help them back up, encourage them and watch them succeed even bigger was just one of those things where I'm like, yep, I want to do this all the time. Heck yeah. And just tried showing my worth the entire time to hopefully then get a paying job. In the end was never on kind of on the table, but then at the end of the year, literally on the day that I said that I was not going to do this anymore. This is my last meet. Some things that happened. Previous coach resigned. The head coach resigned and you know, the next couple of days I had meetings, meeting with HR, meeting with the athletic director. And then they offered me the interim position right then. Oh, sweet. So then I just said, absolutely. Yep. Sign on the dotted line. Yeah. Went from there. That's awesome. And then is that so that's now you're a full time head coach there? Yeah. Well, yes. I am the head coach now. Yeah. And I was only interim for the summer because then at the end of July we took a trip to Estonia. Yeah. And we competed at the FIZU, which I can't tell you what the acronym actually means, but it's the university world championships and the first year of power lifting had ever been involved with it. We took three girls over there. It was myself, the athletic director and three other girls on the team. And at the end of it on the last day, I walk up to the athletic director and I'm like, so how was your first power lifting a trabeganza? Because she doesn't know power lifting. She had never been around. She fell in love with it. And right then she told me, I've seen basically in layman's terms, I've seen everything I really needed to see. And I've and I'm going to send a message that says, you know, I believe that it is you are the best fit for the job. And under my discretion, I believe that we should take away your interim title and immediately turned into this ugly crying like my lip started, you know, you know, whenever you're trying not to cry when your parents are yelling at you, right? And you're like, and yes, just sitting there flooding. That's what I was doing the entire time. And I just ugly crying in the back end of Estonia, just sitting there in front of everybody just couldn't control myself. But like, how cool is that? Knowing that everything you've done to that point, the reality of everything that you've worked hard at the relationships that you've built around being able to really like help the kids grow and help the kids grow in their in their sport, which is a totally different beast. And then you finally reached your goal. Or I'm assuming that was your goal at the point to be able to do this super cool thing. And it's all these other like micro cool things packed in. Yeah, it's just such a fun and awesome aspect, which is why you lot of fun for me as your boy to sit back, right? Here I am knowing you're in Estonia. You come back. He's got some righteous twenty two milligram zinc pouches for me that I think Mitch has now, right? I because I asked I passed along to me. So, yeah. And and he's like, oh, yeah, by the way. And he tells me that. Yeah. And I'm like, are you kidding me? Heck, yeah. Are you serious? And he's trying to be cool about it. I'm like, no. Right. It's awesome. And it was it was cool to see the joy in your eye because I know what these kids do for you. Yeah, I get those. I get those back stories on the kids. And if any of your kids are listening now, he doesn't name drop you. But I hear and I know if he's had the impact he's had on me, he's going to have an even greater impact on you because you're still coming up, right? Right. He and I are just two boys growing out. But but for me to see you grow has been incredible, too. Just so you know, on my side looking at you, I'm proud of you, man. It's really neat what you've been able to do. I appreciate that. I've watched this guy. I mean, and I want to give too much of your story away going from travel in the country, taking photographs of these powerlifting at these meets and, you know, going to the Arnold and hearing the stories and just. Ball breaking work, not only is it shooting, then he's coming back and he's like, shoot, man, I'm on my way. Yeah, I was sleeping. I was up until, you know, 330 editing and hustling, hustling. And I remember we always talked about that. Good things happen to good people who hustle the right way. We've talked about that many times in my chair. And and to see it happen and unfold for somebody that you care about is frickin awesome. It's so cool. So cool. It's so neat. But to go back to what you said. Yeah, sorry. No, no, no. You're fine. I'll make a scoff on tangent. That's perfectly OK. But there was one thing I wanted to touch on because you said this is something that you wanted. I actually never wanted to be a coach. OK, OK, OK. It was one of those things where. In my eyes, because listening to all the podcasts and hearing about your story and you being and you being an athlete as well and also as you as well, you can understand this. I only wanted if I was ever going to coach. You had to have the same mindset I had. Right, right. You know, whenever, whenever I was trying to reach everything that I achieved whenever I was in the sport, I didn't want you around me unless you had the same mindset as me. I didn't want to help you unless you had the same mindset of me. I didn't want to look at you. If you joked around me, get away. Yeah. And yeah, looking back at it. I hate that part. I wish I knew it's not that serious, but and then all of a sudden I got this opportunity and I'm sure this will be other part of the podcast. So not to not to jump in through it. But I always wanted to speak. I always wanted to help. I always went and I always thought I was kind of where I needed to be. Yeah, because that's where I went through all of mine. And then I got to college and started helping them. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no. This this right here is the perfect place. This is the exact moment because that safety net of mom and dad is still there. Right. But they're away. Yeah. And they're on their own. Yeah. And so it's like now and now it's all about a coach. And, you know, whenever I was talking with my A.D. and by the way, if she listens, she's the most amazing athletic director I've ever had. And I've never had any of them, but the I guess I should say the best boss I've ever had. I love working for her. Her energy is amazing. She's a fantastic human being literally kind of how like me and you vibe. Yeah, that's how I vibe with her. You brought that up before you to vibe out. She is outstanding. I mean, always has high energy, always positive. Oh, I mean, she will praise you, but she's going to give it to you straight to sure she's a straight shooter nonstop. Yeah, I got people. It's whenever I realize that college is where I wanted to be. It's like, no, I'm here until they no longer want me to be here. Right. I'm not going anywhere. Right. Well, it's interesting, too. So like the mindset thing is funny because I'm sure, you know, you've kind of gathered this from some of the things that we talked about on previous episodes. But, you know, you kind of have that mindset when you're in the game. Right. Like you kind of there's a lot of ways to kind of equate it. Like there's like the cage lion aspect, like I'm just on the verge of like a little bit crazy. Yeah, because I'm like I'm ready to go like I'm amped up. And I mean, like, dude, it was to the point like in baseball games like we were down and pre-workout during the game. So like, let's go. Yeah, you know, and like that. You know this. That's not what pre-workout is for. But like we're amped up, you know, and I mean, we're a bunch of, you know, kind of muscled out college kids that are just kind of stupid. But, you know, the reality is, is that there is a there is a version of you at some point that everybody has this. There's a version of themselves at some point that they don't love everything about. That's not to say that that wasn't a good person. Right. Yeah. Like I was probably a little bit of an asshole when I was playing because I just wanted to win. Same aspect with you. And especially in your sport, because your sport is so physically demanding and individualized. And of course, you're doing it on teams. So like each person on your team has to kind of have that. It's kind of I would guess like it's probably the same with wrestling or like even like golf teams and things like that. Everybody has to perform. But you're really performing solo. Oh, yeah. And the lights are on you. You know, that's a whole different game. Yeah, I mean, you can relate it exactly to wrestling. But in the same aspect is to me, powerlifting is not a solo thing, especially on the collegiate level. But even more so whenever I was powerlifting inside my team, I never thought it was just me. Right. It was always all about the team. It was you did not miss. You showed up on time. You stayed late. If somebody else missed and needed somebody to come in, you showed up. Right. Yeah, to me, it's a it's a team. You don't get anywhere without your people. Yeah. Well, you can't win solo. You know, it's I mean, we talk about a lot in the baseball world like my performance is dependent on what I can do throughout the game to help my team win. I can't win by myself. There have been plenty of games where some like I just I mean, there's there's a game I can remember, like one of our guys, he probably had like five RBI's and I think we end up winning like five to three, six. Three is like that guy versus the other team. We just kind of like helped him out. But like the reality was is like there are so many other aspects. It's like somebody had to pitch. Somebody had to catch. Yeah, they had to play the field. Somebody somebody in the in in the dugout had to be like, keep doing this right. Here's where you're missing. Yeah, things that are working. All of those things play into it. And I think it's just such a different aspect looking back at it to than it was when we were in it. When you're when you're in it, you don't see the chess match. Yeah, you're not even thinking about it. I think some of that is like kind of adolescence, like not necessarily being being mature enough to understand why why I'm doing what I'm doing, which that's a whole different topic I could talk about with that. I could go down that road to kids. And I mean, because they're not everybody is Bobby Witt Jr. and the right absolute stud coming out of high school and how to play a game and do it well and, you know, be be mature enough to do it. But like, I think the reality is like there's so much that is that changes from even just from like your last day of collegiate athletics to that next day. Yeah, because I mean, it's one hundred and eighty degrees polar opposites. Now, either it's like today you're an athlete and tomorrow you're still an athlete, but you're not an athlete anymore. Yeah, you know, like nobody is expecting you to go out and perform anymore. You are as yourself. Yeah, but it's like you said you said you were like you were kind of an asshole. I was it was 100 percent like I wanted everybody to do great. It's kind of like if you watch Last Dance with Michael Jordan, yeah, he talks about I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this because I want to win, but I also want to raise everybody else's level. And yeah, I'm sorry, if you don't want to do that, then get out. There's the leadership mentality. But it was one of those things also is I wanted to be the best in the world. Sure, I wanted and I didn't care what the cost was. Yeah, I told my teammate one thing a long time ago that was the dumbest thing I've ever said is I don't care what it takes. I don't care if it kills me. I want to break these records. I want to do this. I want to be the best. Yeah. Now, granted, I never achieved that, but but it was a goal. Yeah, but the one thing I did achieve and the one thing that can never be taken away from me because records are meant to be broken. Right. Right. But in 2016, I became the 10th person in the world to squat twelve hundred pounds and nobody can ever can take away being that 10th person. There's been seven or eight since then, maybe a couple more. But it's like I will always be the 10th person that you were the first double digit guy to squat for four days, man. Like, you know, like it's just crazy to think about it. I mean, it is. I mean, just looking at you and knowing that you're a human that literally squatted this entire basement's width is unbelievable to think about. You want to you want to know something funny about that, too, because I think you'd posted that a few years ago on like an anniversary of you doing that crazy. I'm pretty sure I was the guy that chimed in and was like weak. Yeah, yeah. You always end up writing something kind of funny on there. And all these people reading it are probably like, do that guy's a jerk? If I remember they're usually like, especially if it was a couple of years ago, there's probably a couple of people that are like down the road down there and like commented something back. And I'm like, you don't know. He's fine. He's fine. Yeah, yeah. He's always those people, though, too, that are like there. How often do you get people commenting on your videos? I mean, I've watched a ton of your videos at this point, like just follow along with the team and kind of, you know, silently in the background. Like, you know, I love my college. So I'm like all for this. Yeah, like I'm so down with it. But like how often are you getting comments of like, well, your forms off or you got to do this or that you're like? Well, normally, whenever I would, especially when I've used to post my old training videos, yeah, it was, you know, well, you couldn't do that unless you were wearing a suit or or obviously you can do that. You're 400 pounds. And, you know, you'd always get that. Of course, right. It's always one of the things where before I would always respond back. And now it's just like anytime someone says it, it's like especially whenever I tell the kids, you know, I have a couple of bigger guys on the team and it's like, well, that's when you just look at them and say, well, if it's that easy, why don't you do it? Why don't you? Because it's not that hard. I love that. So if there's a thing, gain the weight and do what I do. Yeah, shove some weight around or relocate several thousand LBS or just or just shut your mouth and try to do it at your body weight and see how hard it is. Yeah, yeah. And I've always I've always thought about that because I think like. I don't know, it's funny because it's different with baseball, obviously, right? Like yours is such a physical aspect, whereas like, I mean, there's been numerous studies that show how hard it is to hit a baseball. So people will be like, baseball is so boring. It's this. It's that. I'm like, man, I could comment back all day long. Heck yeah. About how how if it's so easy, man, just good is the same concept with golf. Yeah. Well, it's just hitting a little ball off the ground. You're right. That's that's it. That's all it is. It's no big four shots. Yeah, that's easy. Let's not talk about how Clayton Kershaw's curveball breaks 30 inches. Yeah, right. You realize how far 30 inches is. Who the fuck's that? Do you realize how far 30 inches is a pitcher for the Dodgers? He's a he's a he's a guaranteed Hall of Fame. Oh, yeah. First ballot guaranteed currently playing because I'm going to tell you right now, currently playing in a rehab assignment. Yes. Triple A team. I'm going to tell you right now. He knows my story with baseball. I don't know anything about baseball. He stopped after T-ball. Well, no, no, no. I mean, I made the first year. No, I kind of knew it. Like I made that decision in the middle of a game that like, yes, my last season. Yeah, I was fantastic. Yeah. And Coach Fitch. Yeah. Yeah. I was amazing. I was the home run hitter, the you know, I'm bigger than everybody. And I was I was bigger and taller. So you knew and you're like, this is that next year. I love baseball. I still like it. But it's one of those things where it goes beeping. It's just heart monitor. It's just my heart monitor. But then it got to the next year where it was actually player pitch or kid pitch. Oh, yeah. And there was one game where I know the story. They pitch it. And my dad will tell you the same thing. If you ever get a chance to meet my dad and talk to him about whenever I played baseball, I would never swing unless I knew I was going to be able to hit it far and make home, make the first base. OK, I wasn't I wasn't the fastest kid still to this day. They're not fast. So I would go down not swinging unlike your kids. And the last time we talked about that. Yeah. But I jumped out of a foul ball. But in reality, it was a foul ball. Sure. And I jumped into it. Oh, yeah. I did not do that. Not once, twice, but twice in the same game. And that's whenever I realize, man, this game really isn't for me. This is not my thing. And that's whenever made that transition over to football in fourth grade, back whenever you could play tackle football in fourth grade. Yeah, yeah. I just assumed that your story was more along the lines of like that gif where the storm troopers are pitching to Darth Vader and you hit the ball out of the atmosphere. Yeah. You're like, yeah, I probably shouldn't do this anymore. I'm going to murder someone. I wish I wish it was something cooler than what it was. But no, I jumped into foul balls. And that's when I realized, man, I got great vision. I got perfect vision. But apparently, when it comes to that, I'm a little too nervous in the batter's box. Dude, I love it. I love it. Well, I think that this is like this is a great conversation in terms of people respecting other people and respecting what they do because they don't know. Yeah. But we've talked about this a million times. The keyboard warriors in the world, they're going to get out there and say whatever they want to say. It's always really funny because my daughter loves that movie. Wreck-It Ralph breaks the Internet. Yes, I love it. There, where he goes into the comments section. Yeah, it's like Ralph's terrible. What a stupid character. Yeah, yeah. Ralph, you never read the comments. No. What? What do you mean? They're all about me. And it's like, oh, no, no, no. That's not what you think it is, my friend. It's the same concept. I think that there's two sides to it because I do value other people's opinion from the perspective of like, I value your guys' opinions. There's other people I'm like, mm. Yep. If you're just going to suck the whole time we talk, then sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I totally get that. But that's awesome. That's a really cool story, man, of how you got to where you are now. Yeah, kind of like Cliff Note version because, like Nick, I'm sure that you know, sitting in his chair, he can go on and on and on. And the term that I learned this year from coaching the kids is, I'm a yapper. So I can go on and on and on as well. And I'm sure you're probably the same way. Right there with you. I didn't get my degree in business communications for nothing. We could definitely, all of us, the three of us could just go on and on. I think we could probably make this an eight-hour episode. I feel like it could be one of those things where we take one of those, like, pedal. Part one, part two? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I know. I know. Like those pedal trikes around town. It's just like blast. Wouldn't it be nice? Yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh my gosh, yes. You know, stuff like that, man. Stuff like that. OK, so you determined a while ago that you were not wanting to be a coach. That was not in your brain at the time. When did that shift happen? During the year I was volunteering. OK, so it just kind of brought itself on. Absolutely. It was just kind of one of those things where you get to see those moments. And yes, they're stressful moments. You're like, yeah, this is the right thing. And then you see all the positive. And the positive always outweighs the negative because you're still there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I loved it. It was amazing. And it wasn't because I got to see what I was doing. It's what I got back. And I don't think that the kids ever realized it. This year, hopefully the kids realize it because I tell them all the time. I explain it all the time. But the connections that you make with them, they may not see it like you do when you get older. But me being 36 years old, I'm not even that old. And I'm a first year coach. But I see just how much they've changed my life for the better. Yeah, oh, dude, yeah, sure. Even with being head coach because I've shared with you a couple of times. And sometimes I'm sitting there and I'm just like, man, was this the right decision? Am I doing the right thing? Man, I suck. I didn't see it going this way. I thought it was going to be a lot easier. But no one can really prepare you for taking on all the duties. They can tell you, but it doesn't prepare you for it. And then whenever you get to do it and you experience some negative or something that makes you feel all good. And it could only be one small thing. But when you're in charge of 40 athletes, then you're wondering, you're like, man, I just screwed up everything for 40 athletes. In reality, you didn't. But it goes through my head. And I'm like, man, this was the worst decision I've ever done. I'm failing. I'm not. That's the competitor in you, though. Yeah. Right? We really, really ride ourselves hard. Yeah. I think most people do. We're all our own worst enemy and critic. But especially when you take somebody with mindset like the three of us have, where we tell ourselves, we wake up every day and we go, failure's not an option. Well, in reality, it's probably going to happen. But it's not failure. It's learning. And that's where you said it best. You already said it. You said when the athletes fall. And I hung on to that one because that tells me a lot about your personality and your philosophy and life. Jeff's like that, right? Nick, you're like that. I'm like that. I tell the boys, too, when I coach baseball, it's like, yeah, you win and you learn, right? And that's a total Jalen Hurts thing. Because he brought that up before, after the Super Bowl loss. We didn't lose. We learned. And I live by that now. I used to say, I failed. I screwed it up. It's probably part getting older. But I think a lot of it, too, is because I have kids now. You have kids. You basically have kids. I mean, you're coaching. Yeah, you're beating us. You got to learn that. And it's not a soft technique, but it's us getting easier on ourselves and our being to say, hey, y'all, you didn't fail. You fell. And I love that you brought that up. And you also brought something else up that totally. Before we started this, before you showed up, I was talking to Nick about daily affirmations that I read and how I can go on. It could be the next day or a month later something happens in my day. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, what affirmation was that that I read? And I cycle back through them. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that was June 25th. And yes, and it comes to fruition, right? I just had that moment with you two talking. You said, Jeff, I, oh, my gosh, what was your exact words? OK, you brought up, I'm having a brain fart moment here right now, you two. Go ahead. Let me think about this for a second. No, but the great thing that he was talking about when he talked about the fail and not failing is he's seen the shirt. I don't know if maybe you've seen it in passing at the shop. But I made a shirt a while back that said, winners win. It's more than an outcome. Yeah, it's more than that. I mean, yeah, because I designed it just like the straight out of Compton shirt. And it's like I've told the kids today, it's like, or not today, but just over the years. And one of my athletes, strong, strong, and we've talked about him before. One of the strongest kids I've ever seen in my life. He is the anomaly. He is built like a bodybuilder. He's a great kid. We've had our back and forth, but he's changed so much over the years. But every time, if he misses a weight, it gets to him. And other athletes, too. But at the same time, it's like I told him before, it's like, I will never lose. You can never beat me. He's like, well, yeah, I can. I was like, no, because I'm always going to keep coming back. I do not lose. Because you only lose, or you only fail when you stop trying. That's why the whole shirt is winners win is more than outcome. And that's not a plug. I don't sell them anymore. It's already gone. But it's one of those things where no matter what, I'm going to win. It may take me a while, but I'm going to win. I'm going to win. It's that killer mentality. I like that. I like that a lot. And now, I remember, it came back to me. You were talking about how it was really hard for you to compete with people who weren't at your level. Like, you're not at my level, get out the door. OK, just tonight at dinner, we were talking about a situation we're having with one of the baseball teams. And kind of got some fundamental issues going on, which, no big deal. I love the kids, first and foremost. And I was kind of spewing off diarrhea of the mouth. And I'm like, oh, tomorrow I'm going to win. I'm like, oh, tomorrow night at practice, tomorrow night at practice. And the wife's saying, they're not Marines. And my son's saying, whoa, bring it on. Hensley loves that stuff, right? And you're right, dude. They're not at my level. I need to lay off, right? Teach them the fundamentals again if I have to. Go back to the basics. Don't treat them like garbage. And then my wife's right. She might have heard that. You're right. She's upstairs. Man, we got some nasty thunder storms coming through. I like this. But just so you know, I need to chill on that. I do and I don't. There's got to be a softer way, right? But I also, it's so hard for me to have that softer way. Well, I think every day, everyone's got to learn. As a head coach, the first thing you do is you resort back to how you were coached. Oh, yeah. I'm coaching, and if they step out of line and they do something or they don't show up one time, first thing I think of is, well, this is how I was done. And that's what, at first, I started doing. Then you've got to realize, 40 kids, you can't talk to the same. You can't talk to it all the same. You've got to figure out how you can talk to each individual one. And I still sometimes mess that up. I wouldn't say sometimes. I'd probably say a lot of the time. But then you realize it, and then you come back. And then you go and you address it again. And it's amazing, the night and day difference that happens. Oh, yeah. I think a lot about those things, because talking about how you were saying, you're not failing. You're falling, or whichever your terminology was there. It's interesting to think about, because we've talked about it before, and I would argue that it's very similar in the power lifting world is that it is understanding failure. Same deal with baseball. Baseball is totally a game of failure. It's the only sport in the world where you can be really bad, but really good. Your overall good is actually really like three out of 10. And if anybody else doing three out of 10, if you make three out of 10 lifts, you're like, whoa. That was not good. Unless you're like the kid that I explained. Exactly. He went four for nine at nationals and still took first. See, and that's incredible. But I think the reality is, you're exactly to that point is that it's not necessarily failing. I say this a lot, too, at work. And when I was coaching, I would say this all the time, too, it's not about failing. It's about understanding failure and failing forward. We have so many opportunities to just go and be great. So why would you, exactly your point, why would you stop here? Unless there's other things that go into it, whether it's stress-related or maybe there's burnout, all those things play into it, which you obviously probably see more at the college level with how far they've come. And then failure potentially could eat you up at that level. But it just depends on where you're at mindset-wise. I mean, it's just baffling to me nowadays seeing how things can be hard. And that's just the end for some people. That's the end for some people. Yeah, I don't understand that. We need to get back to that mindset. Like you just said, failing forward. That's a great t-shirt idea, by the way. Is that a trademark? There you go. I have no idea. Well, I think Les Brown actually talked about it, that if you're going to fall, he actually, his might have been fall with your face up. Because then if you can look up, you can always get up. But there's other people. I'm a huge quote guy and a huge speeches and everything. He recites me poems. I wish I had that type of ability to memorize that. But like the whole falling forward thing, it's like you fall backwards and you got to start a little bit backwards. But if you fall forward, you can get right back up where you were or maybe a little couple inches closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's hard, man. And that's not to say that you can just go out and do that. It takes practice and it takes time. And honestly, I genuinely know that not everybody can do it, because if everybody could do it, then nothing special. Everybody would just do it. Oh, I totally get it. And talking about that, that whole getting into that habit of living a certain way, right? It's so easy for us to say, fail forward. But I think the three of us, I can safely say and speak for the three of us, we do. We've lived that past, right? And we'll leave that back there. I'm going to go ahead and fail forward. As long as I fail better and I learn from the previous fails, I'm not going to go back there today. So I say today, that was a big habit I had to learn, was just living for today. I can't speak of tomorrow. I can speak for yesterday, though. But yesterday's just that. It's yesterday. It's the past. I can't carry that pack with me. So today, I'm going to wake up and do, you and I talked about this, Nick, before we came on. And I know Jeff and I have talked about this, too, the shift in my life, where this is, I mean, three and a half years ago, right? I'm like, that's not working. I need to figure out this new way. It took me a year and a half to learn how to live only for one day. Oh, yeah. And now, and it was exhausting. Dude, I was so tired every day because I had to keep beating it in my head and live hour by hour. I need to live for today, not tomorrow. I can make big plans. That's fine. That's safe for me. But all the little things, like what can be put off, what can't. And I have to go through my mind on that day, my work log, my whole schedule, that has to be done today. That's a non-negotiable. Okay, so I go to work. After that, what are my non-negotiables? Well, I'm going to have baseball practice. I'm going to have kids ask me if they can throw a ball. Those are non-negotiables because I don't say no to my kids when they want to go throw a ball. Right. I just had one of the best moments throwing a baseball with my oldest, gosh, what was it? I think it was Monday night. We were out front. He wanted to throw a bullpen, but I was so tired and my knees hurt so bad I couldn't actually get down and catch. So we were thrown out front. I think we threw well over 100 throws to each other and it turned into more of a conversation. And we were just throwing the ball back and forth. After we got done playing, because both my boys normally thank me and they know, they've already said thank you by playing catch, but they still do because they're kind boys. And I thanked him. Like I needed that, man. We just paled around for an hour throwing a ball and the next thing you know, my what? Wow. Yeah, I knew that one was coming. Dang. Did you hear it? The click. That was lightning, folks. The cool thing about it was Katie ended up coming out with Madden and she opened the hatch to her car and they were sitting there watching us throw a ball. They were talking, we were talking. And it was just one of those really neat moments where I was like, thank you. As tired as I was today, as sore as I am today, I did have a piece of me that was like, I don't wanna throw a ball right now. Of course, sure. But I did it. And in that moment, I realized, yeah, you were meant to be out here, man. That was so cool. And I know I kind of spun off from that living a day at a time, but it kind of got me on that topic. And going back to the point of it's so hard to get in those habits. You've got to find a way that works for you if that's what you're trying to do. It's not a one size fits all program. Life is not one size fits all. Your one day at a time is gonna look a whole hell of a lot different than mine as long as we both understand, I'm gonna live for today. Today's cool. We all take it for granted that we wake up the next day. Yes, we do. I mean, what's the equation that you see all the time, whether you're scrolling Instagram for no reason or you see it, it's like, it's a four billion in one chance that you were created. Oh yeah. And then tomorrow's not guaranteed. I could walk out right now and go get hit by a car and die. Or I could have a heart attack right here. No, man. Or something. I'm not trying to speak that into existence. You get one day, just enjoy that day because tomorrow's not guaranteed. And at some point in our lives, usually when we were younger, it was like, ah, whatever, I got tomorrow. Or like, oh, whatever. We got the next game next week, it's okay. But now it's like, and you still find yourself beating yourself up over the dumbest things and you look back at it. And sometimes as much as we live for that day and only that day, we still find ourselves going the next day going, oh man, you're just holding onto that baggage. But it's like, no matter how strong I used to be or am now, or no matter how strong I used to be or are now or yourself, you're not strong enough to hold on to all that baggage and still live in that day and be able to give what you can to everybody. It is wild. You're flushing the 100% that's in your tank for that day. Because the 100% looks different every day. What you just said, you carry that weight, your tank's gone. Oh yeah. You've got to move on. You have to. I mean, dude, you only have so many hands. Yeah, yeah. You got to drop it at a certain point. I mean, and I know that's like overly philosophical and I put on my therapy hat there, you know. Philosophical stuff is awesome because it is so cool. It does. And I mean, the reality is is like, I have dealt with a lot of things in my life that I have thought about for a long time and still think about now after a very long time. Yeah, yeah. But I can confidently say that I haven't had, this is not true. I'm taking that back. I can say that it is hard when things are very difficult and you think about them every day. When you're in a stressful situation and that's putting you into a position where you can't think about anything else because that's what's got to be the focus, totally understand it. I get it. But there's got to be a part of you that can focus on some of the good things that are living within that potential bad thing. Bingo. And some of my bad things, heck, like I became better at something immensely better at it. Even though that experience was really rough and hard for me, I am now in the position I'm in today because of that very, very difficult, rough thing. So I mean, I guess just like, you got to be a little bit positive. Otherwise, everything sucks. Positivity is hard. Negativity is hard also. Oh, dude, yeah. They both spread like wildfire. But which one are you going to feed into? Yeah. And the good thing is, and we've talked about this numerous times, is 99 things could have gone right that day. Oh, yeah. And things could happen after the negative thing, but you'd be amazed, and we're not amazed because we see it all the time, and even in ourselves sometimes, that one small negative thing happened and it ruins the whole day. And it's like, come on now. You look back at it and you tell your kids, and well, I don't know if you tell your kids because you're very young, but I'm sure you tell your kids and you've had to tell yourself, and I know you've told me in the chair and I've had to share it with you in the chair that who cares? Like, yes, it sucks that it happened, but look at all this positive stuff that's going on. Look what you're learning from that. And I think that when we talked about that, like you got to fall forward. I think the one thing, and it's hard, but it's what I tell the kids is you got to have amnesia. Because you get three attempts for each lift and powerlifting. For three, you get three attempts on bench, or three attempts on squat, then we go to bench, three attempts on bench, three attempts on deadlift, and the meet's over. You train half a year, then you get one minute once the bar's loaded to get up there, get out, get the command to start before they red light you because if you don't get the command to start, then they're going to red light you and to perform at your best. So in reality, you're not training for nine minutes. In reality, you're probably training for 30 seconds at a time. So I'm not good at math, but I'm just going to say four and a half minutes. That's a pretty close assessment, I would say. Our scientists and our brainiacs were on last week. Otherwise, we'd have that number for you. But you get the short amount of time and Usain Bolt, like I said, I love quotes. Oh my God, I know where you're going. I was just about to bring this up. How he trained so long for that 9.9 seconds. It's like, but that's what he trained for and then that quick it's gone. So why not just live like, why do you let this small stuff bug you so much? Just find the positive in every day. And it's not as hard as what you think it is. And I could ramble on about this at all all the time, but it's like something that's easy that I had one of my best friends do that I just randomly came to my head and was like, hey, maybe you should do this. And then I started doing it. And then I've encouraged others to do it is have a journal, but it's not a normal journal. This journal, you only write, wow. That was a big boom. That was a big one. But this journal, you only write the wins of the day. Love it. That is it. I love it. And then you sign it, you date it, you sign it, you move on to the next day. I love that. And you do this for a time period, whatever time period you think it is because you're going through a rough patch. And then when you get to that time period that you want and then you read the book, the day before that time or the day of that time. And if you want to destroy it, destroy it, start a new one, whatever. But you go back and you look at this book and all those time period and during all that time when you think stuff's negative, you go back and you read it. You got a book of nothing but wins. All these big things. And then you're like, oh, shit, I'm a winner. Dude. See, that's awesome. I love that. And Nick, go ahead. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mine's a different thing. No, because I'm going to, so is mine. I was just going to say it's so funny because I didn't think about it at the time until it happened to me. My kids are very little. My niece and nephew are very little. My other three nieces are very little. One day, my nephew just randomly started saying, what was the best part of your day? And he said it and I didn't even think about it. And I was like, well, buddy, I get to sit here with your mommy and daddy and I get to sit here with Auntie Annie and your cousins and I'm just hanging out eating dinner now. That's pretty much the best part of my day. It's rad. And I get to do that now. And I was like, probably after this, I'm probably going to have a better part because then we're going to get to go play. And I didn't really think about it at the time, but then he kept doing it, you know? And now I had that like, and this isn't an everyday thing, but now I think about it as we're doing that. Winston! Winston. He just brought us down some Earl Grey tea and he's got a little bandana on. Classic Winston. What kind of voice do you think Winston has, Jeff? I agree with you whenever I think that he's super fancy. Yes. I have an English Bulldog in Journey and to me, she's moody as hell. But that's just Bulldogs. And that's my spiritual animal because I always tell, because I had numerous kids this year that thought I was mean and because I have a fat face and you can see on the camera if you look. But I just, I've smiled a lot during this so the people will be like, oh no, no, you just look like a nice cuddly teddy bear. And like kind of like, Scott said that he portrays and sometimes I betray not meaning to, just because if I don't actively do something with my face, I have that Bulldog fat face, the jowls, I just look pissed off and I'm not. You're gonna growl at people all the time. Sometimes the kids are always like, well, you just looked angry. I'm like, no, I promise I'm not. There's only one time you've come in to the shop that I've seen you that I actually thought you were angry but you had an Adidas jumpsuit on. You knew I was gonna bring this up. I was so hoping that you were gonna show up in that Adidas jumpsuit. Dude, he looks like Russian mob. I swear, I'm like one day you've got to come in in this Adidas jumpsuit, but you have to be packing. Like I need to see the bulge of a 45 or a nine millimeter on this side. Anyway, we could not talk about Jeff's bulge anymore. Yeah. You know what's funny? I said bulge and I was like, oh gosh, here we go, here it goes. Just like that one time I went rogue. Oh gosh. When Noel was on, oh that was so bad. But the classic Nick. The tracksuit, one of my buddies, one of my best friends, he's actually the one that got me started in powerlifting. Was my coach for the longest time. We were just training partners also and have been since he got me powerlifting in 2011. And I've known him since then. And he's actually still powerlifting and still goes to the old gym or the new location of the old gym. I can't really say new. They've been there for a few years now. But that's something that he does is he has like every single color of Adidas tracksuit. And his are the legit, like the nice ones because he's like a 2X. So he can wear those and I can't. So I've got to get like the track version. Like these are like the Tiro 23s and because they go up to 4X, I'm short and stocky kind of guy. So I have to get those. But this year, like he's seen all my tracksuits because I was like, oh, if I become a coach or this next year, I want to warm up. So this year I got every single kid on the team. We have the Tiro 24 Adidas jump tracksuit top and tracksuit bottom. And I'm telling you, man, it looks clean. I don't know if the kids all like them, but like, man, I see that. I'm like, oh, this is so good. I am a badass. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. It's awesome, man. That's the move, dude. And hey, I am a huge proponent of you look good, you feel good. Bingo, bingo. Absolutely. Deion hit it on the head when he did that. Heck yeah, heck yeah. I want, if you're cool with it, I want to shift gears here a little bit because you brought something up that really struck a chord with me. And I know we had this on last week too. Can we dive into the survivor piece a little bit since we've been on the, you know, fail forward and you know, live for a day at a time. And if you don't mind kind of sharing some of that story and that journey. Absolutely. I've had it shared with me personally, and it was probably one of those closed door sessions where you and I were, one of us was probably going through a patch and it was like, hey man, this is how I got through it. And what I think is so important about it is we've got people listening that, you know, might be at the end of that rope. And you know, and they need to hear somebody say, no, no, no, no, no. Don't be a period, be a semicolon. Right, right. I love, I don't, I love and I hate the story, right? And I think we can all safely say that about each other who've gone through this problem is we love it because of the way you came out of it. Hate it for you. Honestly, and I used to hate it and I used to wish that I could go back and like redo everything. I don't. Me either. I love it. And there's nothing I would change in the world. It sucks to go through it and it sucks to see somebody experiencing, even on like the slightest form of depression and maybe they don't have any thoughts of suicidal ideation or anything. But when you see somebody depressed, like are you an empathy person or sympathy person? I'm kind of one of those things where I'm both. It's one of my old training partners and I'm not giving off topic when I say this, one of my old training partners is actually one of the part owner of the gym that I used to go to is SPC, Strong Barber Club, JP Price. He had a very, very resonating quote that he always said and it always said that, be the thermostat, not the thermometer because thermostats set the temperature in the room. The thermometer, you're just going to go in there and whatever, if it's down, you're going to go in and you're going to be just down. You're not going to have energy. And so why do that? Why not go in and try to be the person that uplifts things and sometimes you might be the person that brings it down. I was the same way, I was both. But in that kind of ties into everything with the story and how it goes. But I don't know if on camera they can see all the tattoos. But the tattoos is the story. And the right side is who I was and the left side is, sometimes I like to say that it's who I am now, but also I think it's still just who I'm becoming. And I say it and I'll have to go ahead and explain it because maybe they don't always see it, but there's a lighthouse on my right hand and that's the light and the darkness. And it goes all back to it and it all ties into SOS. SOS is whatever I created and it was called strength over suicide. And I created that just kind of on a whim because I was a part of the team when I first started that was called society of strength. And I seen SOS and I was like, huh, a distress call for help. And then my buddy helped me come up with the name of strength over the hood. And I was like, wow, I like that. But that came about because in high school and there's actually an article that's in the archives you're a very like internet type of guy with cyber security. Yeah, so it's in the archives. So I actually had to have somebody like find it for me because at the time I didn't know whenever it went away I was like, yeah, I wrote this a long time ago. He's like, oh, I can find it. It's in the archives. I was like, oh crap, like what else is in the archives? It's in there. It exists, we're deep Googling baby. Yeah, but it's a Google machine. But I got in 2014, I got invited to the Mr. Olympia competition. It's a bodybuilding competition, but inside the expo, there's a powerlifting event. And I wrote a status on Facebook whenever I first got this invite. And I was like, wow, pretty awesome. From a kid who went from being this kid in Tonganoxie going to Tonganoxie high school who wanted to kill himself multiple times to now getting an invite to go to Las Vegas to compete on one of the biggest stages in powerlifting going to Mr. Olympia. How amazing is that? And so taking it all the way back from day one, lived in Kansas my whole life in Southeastern Kansas in a very small town that I would normally say that nobody knows, but sometimes I get surprised that people know the county or the area. And actually it was a very weird coincidence, but I don't think there's ever coincidences that Scott actually mentioned Coffeeville. And so that's where my birth mom side of the family and all my brothers and sisters live. But I'm from a town, I was born in Coffeeville at the hospital there. But I'm from a small town of like 70 people, 80 people and it's called Nyatiss, Kansas. Okay, well. Totally know where that is. Yeah, I've seen that stoplight. Well, they don't have a stoplight. They have two stop signs and that's it. They used to have a bank a long time ago, but it's been tore down since then. Used to have a school, it's still standing, but nobody goes to school there. You take a bus for an hour and you get to school. But moved away from there. Dad thought it was in the best interest to keep me away from that area just because there's a lot of personal issues that was going on. And so we moved to Tucson, Arizona. That's whenever I first kind of experienced bullying, but still didn't really understand it. Didn't really know much of what it was because there were still friends and it was still like not really all the time, just kind of like jokes here and there. Then I moved, then we moved back and it was actually September 11th, 2002. Whenever I enrolled in Tonganoxie and I actually, it was in ninth grade. So I was in the middle school section because that's where the ninth graders were. And right when we were getting ready to go in there, they were coming out to do like the moment of silence at the flag pole and everything for 9-11. Well, whenever I got there, I enrolled and I wasn't gonna do football. It was just one of those things where I thought football was done for me, wasn't really too confident. Didn't really wanna experience any of that. Well, day one of getting going into school to get enrolled, coach Mark Elston, still known to this day, love him to death. One of the greatest people I'd ever known and whenever I was in high school, he seen me and just seen this big guy. I mean, I was 220 pounds, but whenever I say 220 pounds, like you're picturing like, I don't, Nick, how old are you? How big are you? Hold on. No, I was 220, but I was fluff. Jeff had a mullet. That was in college. That was in college. That was in college. Still counts. But I was like 220. Yeah, that's what I was. I was about 220 like five-ish months ago. So I was 220, but I had no muscle. I didn't even lift weights then. And so I was like, and then they put me on the spot and I was like, yeah, sure, why not? And it was basically from that moment on that bullying was kind of just like that relentless type thing. I was a new kid. It was just an everyday thing. Like, I was short, very, very fat. No, husky. Yeah, I heard that a lot growing up. Big bones. In fourth and sixth grade, whenever the teachers would be like, oh, you're very healthy. And I always had one that was like, oh, Jeff's just very husky. And it's that proper way of saying it. But it was like that for me. And they come up in the whole, we lived through the era of the whole like, of the ball tap. But then also like they come up and flip your tit and all that other stuff. And I'm trying to be as proper as possible. Yeah, but I've heard you guys constantly say much worse things. Oh, you're fine. You're fine. But you know, I lived through that. And like I say to live through and that wasn't even the worst of it, but it was like very first day of practice. And it was just nonstop because I didn't have my physical yet. Didn't do anything. So I was basically just standing there and the upperclassmen just sitting there roasting you. Then that was, I think probably on a Thursday or a Wednesday, Friday happens, go to a game and the Jersey they hand me, they just handed me a Jersey. Happened to be ripped on the side already. And so of course I'm on the sidelines. Upperclassmen are just going in like, golly, look how big this boy is. He's already ripped the Jersey just trying to get it on. And it was just nonstop. So I would lie and not show up to practice. And I hate that because now I'm all about like, no, you are there all the time no matter what. But during that time I would make up things and I wouldn't go home because I was nervous that dad would be like, hey, what's going on? And I didn't want to lie to my dad because he could read me like a book. Like he just looks at me and if I look, make a weird eye contact thing or look away, he's going to go, okay. I would go in the park next to the football field and just sit there as far away as I can, listening to my disc men, just hoping nobody's seen me and just kind of hide. And then the sophomore year came and that was the worst year of my life. If there's one thing that I would never go back and redo, it's high school. Because some people talk about like, oh man, high school was the best time. Like being on the football field, junior and senior year when I actually started was amazing and I love that. Playing sports was amazing. But going back and redoing it, no, never in ever in my life. And it's not because it's 100% because of how it was, but it's like, I just didn't care for high school. You thought those were the times of your life, but man, there's so many more better times after that. But there was the moment, the day, I actually said it, A Well and Some Messenger was the thing back then. A lot of these people don't know about that. Well, I'm sure the clientele that you guys have built and the people that listen probably remember A Well and Some Messenger. But there was one guy, wasn't necessarily friends with, but was kind of friends with, didn't really know where I stood with anybody, honestly. But I messaged him one night that I was like, I just hope I just don't wake up tomorrow. Like I just don't wanna be here anymore. And he's like, wait, what? He's like, I gotta tell somebody. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just joking. Because everyone's just joking. Yeah. And he's like, no, seriously. I'm like, no, dude, I promise. I'm just kidding. I'll be fine, I'm good. Just trust me. Never said anything. Sophomore year, like going back to that, I'm in the middle of a class and I remember the teachers talking about how they're gonna hold us back for 10 or minutes or so after class is over because everyone was just being rambunctious, not paying attention. Sure. And I got up and I was like, no, no, no. Like I have to beat the traffic because I used to walk back and forth and it used to be somewhat of a far distance, but literally where I lived was right across the street in a trailer park. And I had to beat the traffic because that was the day. That was the day I was gonna get home and drop my bag off, go grab the gun and just do it. Do it, because why not? And everybody says it. No one's gonna miss me. No one's gonna even notice I was gone. No one's gonna do this. Everyone's gonna be better off. Everyone's gonna be able to have this or that. Everything's sunshine and rainbows for everybody else, but I'm the bad person. I'm the one that's causing all these issues on everybody and it's just gonna be better for everybody if I was gone, which is a load of shit. And I'm looking right at the camera so if you guys are watching this or hearing this, trust me, it's a load of shit. Loaded the gun, turned it to me, dropped it. Got the, I don't know why I got scared, but it was just terrified. And one thing I can tell you is people that want to do it and that are going to are two different things. Because people that are going to, they're not gonna get affected by that. And people that want to but then don't really want to, little things like that stop them or other things stop them or they talk about it. And that was just the first time that it happened. There was numerous times after that where I'd write different things in a notebook and this is all throughout high school. And it just kept progressing from there, but it was always one of those things where it was starting off gun. And then whenever I got older, fast forwarding a little bit, it became drinking or being in my car, driving as fast as I could and just taking my hands off the wheels, just saying, and keep my foot on the gas and just saying, all right. But for some reason, the car always went straight and it never does that. I mean, unless you have a amazing car, probably the Volvo because it has Lane Assist now. I had a Monte Carlo and, or my very first car was probably a hundred bucks from my brother. And it was a Mustang, a 1980 Mustang with the hatchback cutoff. So we used to call it the El Stango because it was like an El Stango. I love it. Yeah. And that was the first time I ever had a stick shift. This doesn't matter to the story, but it was kind of one of those things where it was always just doing something to try to hope that that would happen. And it never would. And didn't believe in God at the time. I mean, people would ask me and I'm like, nobody's perfect. Not even God. And then it was kind of one that it just kept going, but junior year came. It made a life-changing transition in my life. I had decided that my dad heard about it, found everything that I had wrote, realized everything I was going through. And he goes, nope, we're gonna start lifting weights. And so it started in our four bedroom trailer, a double-wide trailer. And it was in the spare bedroom. And we had this old Walmart bench and the little 10 pound barbell and the small little 25 pound plates with the screw on clamp. And that would ride up a workout. Same thing with you. And that's why I love your story when you said that, my niece heard I don't wanna do this. My dad. And my dad is my hero. My dad's my number one person in my life. Love this guy to death. I'd do anything for him. He, no matter what, he would go to work, work his ass off, come back, not want to work out because of how tired he was. He would, right when he got home, he would, because he's older guy. So he'd always take, he took these sweatpants and he'd cut them off. And like the old like wrestler, like, oh yeah, walk in the back, have his shirt off and just be, let's go work out. And he would make me sure I could do everything. And then whenever I got to a weight that I couldn't, I'd say I can't. Or I'd start crying and he'd look at me like, well, if you can't then get the fuck out of my weight room. Because there is no, I can't. And here there was times where he'd literally look at me and go get the fuck out of my weight room. Or he would, then it got to the point where it's I'm upset and everything. And he'd look at me and go, all these emotions, all these things that these people are calling you, all these times that you felt this with your birth mom or anything, use them. Tap into that and use it for the set. And so it's like everything I achieved in parallel thing started with not even being able to bench 70 pounds, not being able to squat at all. And it all started by tapping into the time of my life and using that. And it didn't stop from high school. I mean, this depression and suicidal ideation and from then on out, I wouldn't necessarily say attempts because I was never one of those that kind of like, yep, this is it, I'm doing it. And actually harm myself. I mean, I drank myself into a freaking oblivion hoping that I'd never wake up or something happens and then the next day comes around and you wake up and you're like, oh, come on. When is this gonna just stop? Yeah. But even in the college. But to highlight something in the high school years is that junior and senior year, I was one of the popular kids. Like I did the two a days every day over the summer, came back, looked completely different. I wasn't the pudgy kid anymore. I was still big, but you had worked out over the summer. You know how that can work. And you know that as an athlete as well is transformed my body completely. And we go into the Leavenworth County Fair that's in Tonganoxie. And at the time, the cutest girl in high school, everyone has one of those. She comes up and doesn't say anything to me, but then a one semester after the fair gets over, all of a sudden I get a message that pops up and it's from her. And she goes, hey, just wanted to say you look amazing. Like, you know, good work. Everything that you did over the summer, like you look amazing. And I was like, ooh, here we go. I'm on cloud nine thinking that like now life has changed. Yeah. That was a joke. You know, junior year, same thing. Friends, people that were my friends, like that I thought were my brothers making fun of me. I was the popular kid, but I was also the blunt of the every joke. Yeah. And don't get me wrong, like, I say that I hated high school and I did, but I enjoyed it during that time. And there's still times I look back and I'm like, man, that was awesome. I enjoy that. And there's, I don't hate anybody that I have from there. Cause I think for most people that whenever they have the high school and like, the reason why I loved it is cause, you know, being the popular kid was okay. Sure. You know, it was awesome being able to be the guy on the football team, the starter on the football team. We were great at football there. I mean, like we were, we were awesome. And then I wrestled and for a moment I did track. And then I realized I'm not very good at track. Well, I didn't do track. He did. I did the throwing, but it was never good at that. And not that I was a very good football player either, but we'll get into that afterwards. But you know, the one thing that I didn't like about high school is typically if, you know, you're a nerd or you're, you know, a jock or you're this or you're that you've got your clicks and you fit in with your click. And it's never one of those where you don't like being around them or you don't like this. You don't like that. But it's like, I didn't really bond. I bonded with, with certain people. And I was always kind of cordial with everybody. And I was, you know, at the time we'd always say, oh, yep, that's my friend. That's my friend. But you know, when you look back at it, man, your friends don't do that to you. Nope. And I, and I, I love Tonganoxie high school and I love high schools because they, they do great things for people. And the one, I think the one thing we all don't like is the standardized testing, but we won't get onto that. That's the difference of a box. But the one thing that I did not like and the one thing I don't understand because Tonganoxie has kind of this, I wouldn't say necessarily history, but kind of history of, they have a lot of suicides. Oh really? Oh really? It was one of those things where they don't really address it when they see the bullying. And maybe it's changed by now. And I'm not trying to, you know, cause this was 2002 to 2006 when I graduated. Sure. But it was always one of those, obviously I didn't say anything either. You know, you just take it. Yep. But it was always, you know, in the Marines, you don't complain about that. Nope. And in baseball, you don't, you don't complain about that in sports. There is no crying in baseball. Nope. That's a great movie. That's a great movie. But it's, you know, cause boys will be boys is what we'll be saying. Yes. You know, that's just boys being boys. And it's not, it's bullshit. Yeah. But at the same time, I would say, and this is a crazy firm thing for me to say, but we've kind of mentioned this, is bullying kind of needs to come back, but in a different sense because now we have people that are upset and crying over small things that don't matter. And it's not that you need to be bullied into the sense of kind of like how that can cause you this, but it's like that type of bullying that's just like teasing you about the small things, like giving you a hard time, but not like ones where they're just flat out. I know where you're. Yeah. We have talked about this a lot. It's not, not in that derogatory way, right? That's the word I was looking for. But like this kind of holds you accountable way. Well, it's the, it's okay. So it's to your point. When people said, oh, boys will be boys, that's the kind of turning away from the situation. It's a cop out. You know, turning a blind eye to it, right? Versus like, when I hear somebody be like, man, that's just guys being dudes. That is what I think of when it's just like razz and giving each other a hard time. Yeah. And like, you know, exactly what you said. You're having some accountability for things. So like, yeah, I totally get what you're saying. Like you can just give each other a hard time and have fun with it because I see you and the value you have, which of course in high school is hard because some kids just don't have that yet. Like they're not able to see that yet. I would say probably most. And I probably was in that same category, but you know, being able to just like joke around and have fun versus like, don't be a giant douche. Yeah, right. Yeah. Like I didn't really have like, I had friends and one of my best friends, his name was Kent Fleming and made a huge impact on my life. It was there for me through everything. And actually during the time from then all the way up until I made that status that we talked about earlier about the Mr. Olympia, nobody knew that I had went through that except my dad and him. They were the only people. I mean, even whenever when I released that not to jump too far forward, my high school coach, my high school football coach Mark Elston calls me up, gets my voicemail first because I didn't answer, because I didn't see it. And he's like, hey, you know, give me a call back. And when I call him back, he's like, he's like, hey, how you doing? I'm good. He goes, hey, I just been thinking a lot and I got to ask, was I part of that? Like, what do you mean? He goes, was I part of the reason whenever you were going through everything and you wanted to kill yourself? You just gave me goosebumps, dude. And it's giving me goosebumps. And it's one of those things where, I don't know if Nick's told you but I'm a very, very emotional person. Like I'm not one of those men don't cry. Like I think that's bullshit. I think it's garbage, total garbage. But it's like, I told him, I was like, no, like you did something amazing for me. Like you gave me a place, you gave me a home. You gave me a team, family. Granted, I didn't really have the best time all the time around them but I was a part of something with you. Like hell no, you weren't the part at all. He was a good safety net for you. I mean, like he was hard on me. Don't get me wrong. There was a lot of times, there's always a love hate relationship with coaches. And there was at times where, couldn't stand the guy. But when you look back, you got to thank him for everything. And still to this day, he's one of my favorite coaches I've ever had. Because I love the guy. I mean, he's amazing. He's two to this day. If I see him, I'd walk up, give him a hug. I still call him coach. I don't call him Mark. I don't call him Elston. I call him Elston one time in practice and that quickly got called out. I was on the verge of having to run for that. But even in senior year, I'm one of the top people and Kent was probably the number one person we had on our team. Very athletic guy. But I was one of the top players in the offensive linemen and I played defense on sometimes as well. And still nonstop, just the fat jokes. It was always, you're too slow. You're dumb. You're fat. You're retarded. Sorry for that word. I know a lot of people don't like that word. But that's what somebody actually called you. Which is not okay. But even then, there would be, and the whole boys are gonna be boys type things. There'd be even the comments and people just like, there's no way they told you that. Are you crazy? People still say it to this day where you have random people that will tell you, you should just kill yourself. That's horrible. And whether we like it or not, it gets said today. It does. And a lot of times it's just water off your back. You don't listen to it. But it's like after a while, you're too slow. You're too slow. You're too dumb. You're too fat. You're ugly. You're this. Just kill yourself. And after a while, after you listen and listen and listen and listen, you're like, man, you know what? I might be right. They're like forcing that ideology on you that that's your identity. And then it comes back to the point where how you mentioned live for that day. I didn't know how the hell to do that. No. And then I got to college football. I got recruited to college simply because, not because I was an amazing athlete. I was good, decent. Winston's back. But I got recruited because I was on a good team. But the one thing that I had more than anybody, and I still say this today is, I won't quit. Yeah. I have heart. And that is something that you don't see a lot of. I know, obviously you have to have it. Jeff, Jeff, you're a diesel pickup. Yep. Yeah. No, for real. And I mean this a good way. Gas pickups will die out if they start pulling too much. Diesel never stops. It might slow down, but it's gonna keep chugging along, man. Yeah, yeah. But with playing college football, I still had those moments. And third game of the year, I thought I was going to college football. I thought I was about to be amazing. I was gonna do great. No, college, high school to college, that's a whole different ball game. And you know that. We have had this conversation. We have had this conversation a lot. Yeah. Not the same. No. I played the Juco. Oh, yeah. I played Juco football back then. Regulations are different. The Kansas Jayhawk Conference is still amazing to this day, but this was back whenever they could only have the 12 out of state rule limit. So most of your team was made up of Kansas kids. Yeah. And it was like, I was coming in because I was 17. I didn't turn 18 until July 27th. I was already down there for conditioning camp and everything before school started. I was still a 17 year old. Yeah, yes. And then when we put on full pads, I remember the first full pad day, we go one-on-one and it's just like that old Oklahoma drill, but it's just one-on-ones. Yeah. And I go against this guy named Darius Warner and he got in a concussion so bad, like the year before, started doing this weird like bird noise. So they all call him bird. And we went one-on-one against each other. And I'm like, oh, this is my time. This is my moment. It's kind of like when I jumped into a foul ball. He comes off the ball and I'm like, this is a grown man. And he drives me backwards and over, probably I went backwards, probably 10 yards. He's defense. He doesn't even keep to doing that. But you'd always try to prove point one-on-ones to putting that person to the ground. I didn't go into the ground, but he drove me back 10 yards and then probably over, I would probably say half a football field. And that's when I realized like, it was the most embarrassing moment. And I was like, wow, what am I doing? But one of my other friends that I went to that college with, ended up quitting first day of classes. I was trying to wake him up. I'm like, hey, man, we got classes. He goes, no, he's like, I'm gonna end up missing classes today. I'm like, you can't do that. You're gonna run. And then I come back and he told me before I left for classes that he was done. He was going home. And I was like, come on, man. Like we're six and a half hours away from home. Like you can't be, I come back from classes and he's gone. Didn't say bye or anything. And not that I hold that against him or anything, but it's just like, and for some awkward reason, I stayed out there and I kept to it because back in the day, like with my dad, it was when you start something, you don't quit. You have to finish that out. And I didn't wanna quit because I'd gone through so much and I didn't wanna be what everyone thought I was. And at that time I was like, man, I'm achieving. Like I'm on top of the world. Well, fast forward into the season started. I made the roster simply just because I was on the offensive line and I was from Kansas. They needed extra bodies. Third game of the season, dislocate my ankle and break my leg. Oh. And so I'm out for the rest of the year. Yeah. And end up failing out of losing my scholarship and fail. I only passed seven credits with 1.7. And if you know college, it's easy. College is one of the easiest things you're ever gonna do. You just show up, sit in the front row or the first two rows, just pay attention. You're gonna get seized. You don't even have to try in college. Sorry, I didn't mean to say you didn't know that. You went to the Marines, all right. I eat crayons for a living. Yes, orange is your favorite flavor. Orange is my favorite flavor. That's the only reason I asked him. I didn't mean to leave you out of that. But I'm over here doing connect the dots. Don't worry about me. But it was during that time and I failed because I started drinking all the time. And I gained a lot of weight. That was the first time I had ever gained weight, got to 385 pounds. And every morning, wouldn't go to class and that's why I filled out. I would go to one class a week or I'd pick one class and only go to that class for those days on that week because I didn't want to crutch across school because it can get made fun of. Because I got made fun of because, oh, what are your crutches made out of? Titanium, they know they can't hold your big ass up. They have anything like that and they're just words but they hurt after a while. Because then it's like, man, am I really just this big and worthless? Well, it's to your point. So I think I've mentioned this before. You may know this, Jeff. Nick definitely knows this. I lost my best friend going on 11 years ago. So listening to your story really is super impactful to me, makes me a little bit emotional because I think about all the things that I could have done differently to help him or that I could have recognized and I don't know what they are and I'll never know so I can't hold it on myself. I have a hard time with that sometimes. But I think a lot about what were those voices in his head that were saying that, like who was telling him things like that? And I don't know, truthfully, but I think something that I've kind of, it's kind of going through my head a bunch now, but something that I think of a lot is if the only voices in your head are other people's voices, then you're getting bad advice, truthfully. And those things, it's so much easier said than done. Those things don't matter. But how do you get people to know that? Because it's so hard. I mean, you've gone through, like you've been there in back, man. Like you get it. It's just crazy to think about how far people have gone like that and not made it back out. And it's, my friend was one of them. Like he didn't come back out of it. I don't know why. I know the series of events that happened kind of leading up to it, but not anything that was concerning to us. We didn't realize it. Now looking back, it's like, oh, we probably should have thought about that. It's impossible to. Here's the one thing I wanna say, and I know you've probably heard this time and time again, but just saying it now, I mean, not our first official time meeting, but actually being able to actually speak to each other. It's not your fault. It's probably nothing that you could have done. But it's okay to fill those emotions, but you also have to understand that he made up his mind and maybe by the luck of a draw, seeing him moments before, maybe saying something, maybe something that's just like, hey, man, I'll see you tomorrow. Or, hey, I hope you're doing well. Maybe, maybe. Common denominator. Maybe. We had what I'll call a quote unquote extreme situation, I'll say, because he was away. So he was in Florida at the time. We're all here. So I'm not seeing him every day. I mean, he's still one of my best friends, but I wasn't talking to him every single day. I was a college ball player. You get it, man. Every single day I had something going on. I wasn't really talking. If you weren't standing in front of me, I wasn't probably talking to you that often, truthfully. And that was just kind of my reality. So it's hard. And of course, I've worked through a lot of that now, but I mean, the reality is is that you always kind of think about it a little bit, but that's why I really have, I've tried to get people to know exactly like what you said, if the voices in your head are not your own, then this isn't what you wanna do. This is somebody else's idea, and that's not your thing. And that's not easy to think about. Anybody out there listening, thinking about going down this road themselves, listen to these two. Listen to Nick, right? You got the survivor here, and then you've got Nick, the one left behind, saying, what could I have said? You're not worthless, man. No, you're, nobody is better off without you. And I have unfortunately been here way too many times with people I know. Yeah, absolutely. You both have heard the stories. And I won't divulge on that right now, but I've been a jerk and I've said some things and then it bit me in the butt. And I went, oh my God, I had to come to grips with this, right? But I've also had the ones that have caught me off guard. And I'm like, why, like, why? Yeah, you've got all these emotions running through your head and you can't even put words to it. And the only question you have is why? Yeah, so true. Trust me, don't do it. I know if you've made your mind up, let's try to change it. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I don't know what else, email us, reach out on Instagram, call us, text us. I mean, my gosh, it's so fun. Like my purpose, I'm finding this new purpose in life, right? Where my wife has even said like, write a book, do this, do that, go into therapy, go into, and I've been through the therapy, but be on the other, yes. You are in the therapy because we've had this conversation. 100%. And if you're a guy listening, this is not me plugging him. Men need men. Yes. And the best thing a man can do, other than therapy, because everybody needs therapy. I don't care who you are, I don't care how great your life is. You need somebody who has not got a, what word am I looking for? Like they don't, like if I say something to Nick, well, he's always gonna be on my side. Not like a vest. They're not dressed. They have a vest and a dress in it. Have somebody like a therapist that's going to kick you the real deal because they're not going to, they don't have any reason to be on your side. But if you're in that kind of weird part where you don't really know if therapy is good or not, get a barber. Get a, and not just, don't just go to great clips. Get a real barber. I agree with that. And I am the barber. I agree with this 100%. And I've told you time and time again, like whenever I've had moments and I need to speak with you and we've had a lot of those, it's like the haircut is cool. I mean the haircut, he shaves my head and now he doesn't even shave my head, but that's my fault because my time management is not the greatest. But, and the beer trim is really what the main reason why I go to him. But the real reason why I go and what kept me going was that connection. I could say anything I wanted to him. And then whenever I knew it got real, I could say anything. And then he could say anything to me. Whenever there was that moment, whenever it would be, and I remember one and I'm not going to disclose everything, but I remember one where we were sitting there and it's probably, I'm in the chair for like an hour. Yeah, hour and a half sometimes. And we're probably 30 minutes in and I cocked my head back away from him. Like, are you okay? And he goes, yeah. I was like, okay. 10 minutes later, man, are you sure you're okay? Yep. Yeah, dude. All right. And then before we left, I was like, man, are you sure? Like, it does not matter what it is, but if there's anything you need to say, like it's cool. You've been there for me. The next week comes around, I come in and sit down, puts his hand on my shoulder and he goes, hey man, I'm sorry. What the hell are you sorry about? He's like, I lied. I lied. This is what was going on. Yeah. And then it's like, I remember we were just sitting there and he's like, how'd you know? It's like, I didn't. It's just, whenever you got the energy with somebody. Yeah. You know, it's- I did not shave his head that day or trim his beard. We talked the whole time. And it was just one of those moments where it was just like, you know when you're around somebody and you don't even have to care for them on that level. But like, whenever you're used to being around somebody like that, and I know we're jumping off topic from where we were, but you can just tell. Yeah. You just know it's something in their eyes. It's something with their actions. It's something how they're holding something, how they're moving, how they're walking. And anybody who knows Nick knows that, you know, he's got to get the neck ablations. And sometimes he's going to walk different or sometimes he's going to be, but it's even past that. It's how they're talking or if they're smiling, not as much as they did before, or if they're just being very short whenever you're like, yeah, right, this guy likes to talk. I know damn well something's going on. Or he keeps going, looking away. And it's like, man, what's going on? Like, I know something's off. And you can tell me, know all you want, but I know better. And you don't have to say it, but I know something's up. And then after that moment, it's like, even if we know something's up and the person doesn't say it, I think we both know, and maybe you can say yes or no, but I know you're going to say yes, is that sooner or later, that next visit, it's going to come up. Yep. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, it's going to come up. 100%, yep. And it's just one of those things where it's like, that's why I think men need men, because nothing to say anything that you might be able to share everything with your wife. You might be able to share everything with your wife. But sometimes there's some things that you're not quite sure maybe that if you can share around them, because maybe they're going to look at you a little differently. But the one thing, and obviously you guys love each other and same thing with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like where you're going. She's been through you with everything. Everything. And still loves you no matter what. And that's awesome. That's beautiful. And, but at the men, you can say something. I mean, you're with the right men. Yeah. You're going to say something to them and they're not going to go, what the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah. And they're going to be like, wow man, okay. Yeah. All right, let's talk about this. Let's figure this out. And men are going to be there and they're going to understand sometimes. Yeah. And hopefully you can get through that. But that's why I also think you need a barber because with a barber, you start with that trust of like, yep, this looks good. And it's transactional at first. Sure. But then if you get lucky enough and you find that one that you can bond with and you bond over dumb things. Oh yeah. And it's complete dumb things that start off. But then it's like, then you start talking about, what did you do in the past? Yeah. And I got told push papers also. I was just going to say push papers. Yeah. And then we got the real story. And then we talked about more with my story and we talked more with his. And then there's days where he doesn't talk at all. He just listens. He goes, okay, are you serious? And then there's days I don't say anything and he's talking. And then he's like, oh man, sorry, I didn't mean to talk to him. I'm like, no, like that's awesome. So funny because we do this all. We both, with both of you, we do this all the time. I'm like, enough about me, man. What's up with you? Yeah. But then it goes the other way too where one of you sitting in the chair and it's like, oh shoot, man, enough about me. I'm like, no, it's about you. Yeah. Come on. Because you leave looking better. Oh yeah. But man, there's days where it doesn't matter about what you look. It matters about how you feel. Because what you see in the mirror isn't always what other people see. Yeah. I mean, I don't know about you, but it's always like, you know, I'm a guy who's like, I'm going to go in there. He could line up my beard, look amazing. And we joke about it every time he gets done. Because there was one day he's like, he's like, what do you think? I was like, it's all right. Could have been better. And so now every time we get done, he'll show me, he's like, man, it's looking good, but it could have been better. Yeah. So it's always, ever since that moment, this is how we always finish it off. But it's like, every time I go in, there's not a moment I leave that it's not like, man, I feel better because I look better. Yeah. Yeah. The chair, it's not about it. I would say, I was going to say, it's not about the chair. It feels better for me too. Like it's a mutual. Right. It's one of those things when you sit in the chair, when you know what I'm talking about, if you're listening and you know, and you get it, then if you know, you know. Totally. But when you're in the chair, it's like all that weight went away. When you were on the ball field, nothing else mattered on the outside. Nope. You know, and I guess when you're in war, the only thing that matters is war. It's true. Everything's gone. But it's like, but now whenever you pick up those clippers, all you're thinking about is not, I'm going to do a good job because you know you're going to do a good job because it's who you are. You're a professional. Yeah. But now it's like every time you get done with the conversation, it's like, man, that was good. Yeah. Because you can dictate that conversation, dictate how you take away from that. Yeah. And that's what's beautiful about it is it doesn't matter even if it's a heavy conversation, you can still go away and like, man, I feel good because that guy was able to release that. Your job right now, you even said being able to mold those young minds into just, and I know the way you are, I know your philosophy because we talked about this a million times is you're just, they're your kids, man, and you're trying to raise them to not be assholes. Right? It's bigger than how much weight can you lift. Don't quit. Never give up on yourself. Always appreciate yourself. Always love yourself. Like it pours out of you. Yep. And that's what I love that you're in that position now. You get to portray the real Jeff to a 40 young minds and get rid of assholes in this society. Cause at the end of the day, we're only lifting weights. It's a silly thing. You're lifting weights, not life or death. At the end of the day, you were only playing baseball. Yeah. At the end of the day, you're only cutting hair, but you fail or you succeed or you miss and you learn in the weight room. Same thing on the ball field. Yeah. You miss a, you know, you miss a catch. You miss the ground ball. You strike out or you don't get any strikeouts. Yeah. You know, you miss up some hair. Yeah. You got to go back and fix it or you got to comp somebody or you have a bad interaction. But every time you can choose to figure out and it teaches you more about life. It teaches you how to interact with certain people. It teaches you how to pick yourself back up. It teaches you to know that it's not the end of the day. Like, this is just a bad moment. The next time I go, I know what I did wrong. I know how to make it better. And that's the beautiful thing. It's not just sport. It's not just lifting weights. It's not just a job. Yeah. Yeah. These are all things that can help you with everyday life that will get you that much better. And it makes you become better and it makes you a great person if you latch onto the things. Yeah. 100%. I say this maybe every single episode, but if all days are good days, no days are good days. Absolutely. Bingo. And I just, I live by that so much because I try not to dwell on crap that happened, you know. Of course, easier said than done some days. But the reality is, is like, some days are going to be bad, which make the great days really freaking great. Yeah. So that's awesome. Yeah, Nick, go for it. You have it. I was just going to say, I know we've been really heavy. I know we've accomplished a lot. Yeah. But I think it might be time. Give me one second. Just because the cliff notes were around about. Understand that none of this went away right after college. It followed me all the way until 27-ish. But then it was kind of a light switch when I realized it was me. If anything is going to get better, it's you. I have to choose it to get better. Yep. Mainly I wanted to give that part because, you know, left it on the kind of on the cliffhanger there and wanted to say, hey, if you're going through this, people can help you. People can be there for you. People can encourage you. But at the end of the day, if you don't want to get up and walk out yourself, you're not going to at any part of the day. He, if I knew him back then, he could have given me his hand. He could have helped me up, but he could have never forced me to take a step. And he could have tried and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled. I still could have sat there and wanted to do what I did. But at the end of the day, you have to make that decision. And the day I made that decision, I want to say was in July of 2016. It was actually two days or the day before I squatted 12, 18, I came, I went up to the, his name, Scott Smith, and ended up becoming like my mentor, gave him a hug. And whenever, you know, did the whole like bro hug type thing that turned into a real hug. But I had a bullet in my hand and I put it in his hand. And he, whenever he grabbed it, he looked at me and went, because he realized what it was. And I just said, I don't need it anymore. Like during the hug, I was like, I don't need it. Oh my gosh, man. Was it done at that point? No, I still, I still went through depression. But I had realized that every day from that moment on was a moment that you had to pick yourself up and it's up to me and only me. Yeah. You know, the old quote, no one's coming, you got to save yourself. There's always people that are going to be there to try to save you. And that's not like, the quote isn't really meaning like you're by yourself. No, the quotes like really saying that everyone's going to try to be there. But at the end of the day, if you're not wanting to go, no one can save you. You are on yourself on saving yourself. People are always going to be there, you know? So, but you have to get up there and be there. That's powerful, man. It is, it's huge, man. That's huge. That's where the transitioning like. Yeah. Talking about the thing I know you guys want to move on because we've been talking forever. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, dude, dude, dude. It's like the tattoos transition from the lighthouse to light in the dark places, you know? Cause I have a tagline for SOS, it's shine in the dark places, lend the world your light, hashtag be the disco ball. Heck yeah. You just, you put us in a really cool trajectory there with us talking about, holding each other accountable, right? But now you're saying hold yourself too. Yeah, absolutely. You got to have accountability with yourself. You got to be able to look in that mirror and say, this one's up to me. Yep, be real. It's always up to you. And that's the thing is it's always up to you. Every single day you wake up, it's a freaking awesome blessing. Yeah. So get up, look yourself in the mirror, give yourself some self-affirmations, tell yourself you love yourself and then go out there. And if you get knocked in the face, guess what? Recover, get back up, keep going. You get 24 hours in a day. Your 24 hours doesn't look like my 24 hours, but you still get 24 hours. That's right. And that's the beautiful part of it. But then it goes into the anchor with the rope breaking. And there's many things that you could say it's like the weight releasing, but to me it was all about the, that was the release of depression. Sure. That was the anchor that was holding me down was that depression and the rope breaking that was it releasing itself and going away. Yeah. I had a Japanese koi on my arm. If you know, it was like the whole story with Japanese koi to the dragon's gate. And then when the only one makes it and then I had the dragon going across my chest. And I actually have another disco ball on my shoulder. There was really no rhyme or reason to that. It was just my very first one that I ever got. But then this one is Lady Liberty, Nameless Lady Liberty and Maestro's. I had actually talked to you about Maestro's. It was their kind of a mental health awareness project that they started. So that's why it's green for mental health awareness. Yeah. But that's like, that's the burning light. Another one that goes kind of like light in the dark places. But a disco ball is, its only job is to be a reflection of light. And it's the same thing as like what I told everybody and what I've told you and what I've told numerous, numerous people when I explain what a disco ball is. If we shut off all these lights and I shined a flashlight right there, I will light up only that part. But if I place someone over there with a disco ball, who can reflect light, who can be that for somebody, I can light up this entire room with maybe the smallest amount of light. But darkness cannot exist in light. And it doesn't matter how dim that light is. Same thing with a flame. And it's been said is that, a flame that lights another flame, it never weakens itself. And I know it's said in better terms than that. No, I like it. But it's one of those things where it's like, you will never lessen yourself by lighting another person. You will never lessen yourself by shining just the smallest amount of light. And so life is all about light. It's in the Bible. It's all over it that darkness cannot exist in light. And that's exactly what darkness is. And that's the whole journey with SOS is, I know the way out of darkness. And out of the way of darkness isn't always the same way. But I carry light. Yeah, I'm not gonna say I am light, because obviously, that's another fun thing is actually hearing your story is, I actually for the first time ever, and I haven't told you this, so this is brand new news for you. Yeah. Speaking with the kid about the kids is, I've never seen so many people that are so proud of their spirituality and so proud of their believing in God and being a part of it. And you mentioned it last podcast that you said, people weren't open about this. It wasn't the cool thing to do. And so I had never, I haven't owned a Bible in probably 17, 20 years, owned my first Bible. So cool, man. I started going to Bible study with the kids on Monday, because they have the, I don't know if they had it when you were there, the Braves worship with the Ottawa Bible Church, started going on Mondays with them. And then on Fridays, we host our own Bible study in the weight room. Oh, awesome. And right now it's just the power lifters that come in, not all of them, just some of them, but like, and it's great. It's amazing because I didn't, I told them, I was like, I don't know anything. I can't sit here and quote scripture. Like you guys, I don't really know anything. I'm learning. So this is a place where I can step away as a coach and I can learn from you. I said that I would not be talking, not be doing that every single Friday, I ended up talking and I love it. But on Friday, I haven't been in a church since 2007 on Friday. And I've never been to a Good Friday, a resurrection day, Christmas Eve, anything, any type of service of that nature. On Friday, it was 5.15, talking to one of the athletes and I'm like, hey, I don't want to take any more time. I know you need to finish up because you're probably going to service tonight. He's like, yeah, actually I'm going at six o'clock for the Good Friday service. I was like, oh, where are you going? He said, Ottawa Bible. And I was like, hmm, okay, I'm listening. And there's numerous times throughout this year where I keep seeing the same scripture and I keep hearing a lot of this stuff. And I'm like, okay, God, I'm listening. And so I go on Friday and it was one of those moments I walked in and I'm shaking for the first like 30, 45 minutes. Not even nervous. I don't know what it is. But I walk in, sit down and I ended up asking them afterwards, I was like, could you guys, was I shaking the entire bench? Because like my body, I just had tremors. And then all of a sudden I stopped shaking and it felt like a whole weight was just released off me. And then on Sunday, one of them asked me like, oh, are you gonna go to resurrection day service on Sunday? I was like, yeah, I'll be there. What time do we need to meet at the weight room? Met at the weight room, went there with some of the kids. There was 10 of us and had never been there. At the end, as most services you probably see where they're like, oh, like in 2007, it was one of those, you know, we encourage you to be a part of a church family. Like this is us opening our arms to you and it was at the end of it. And Pastor Dakota asked like, if anybody, you know, regardless of what anybody thinks or anybody watching, like if you wanna confess your life over to Jesus as your Lord and savior and everything like that, like, you know, I encourage you to come down. And at first, like I was like, I had already made up my mind that that Sunday at that God option, that that was gonna happen. And when it first got asked, nobody moves, not even me. He asked it again, nobody moves, not even me. And I looked to my right, looking at one of my kids on the team and all she did was she just, she didn't even look at me. She just takes her Bible and puts it down right next to mine. And I went, okay. And I just got up, walked to the front and could not control myself. I just lost it. And so, you know, just watching other people and they come up and there was some of the elders that had been there. I don't know, he was a baseball player there as well. I don't know how old he is, his name's Jeremiah. Oh yeah. And he actually, he helps runs the the Ottawa Bible worship there. Really? So I've gotten to know him pretty well. And he walks up tears everywhere, crying. He's one of them that prays over me. And it was just an amazing thing, being able to do that with the kids. And, you know, it's never, it's, yeah, there's obviously a lot of stuff going on in my life. Now I have the whole story of that picture too. I saw the picture on resurrection Sunday. Yeah, wow. To me, it's one of those things where it's like, I've always had this mindset here recently that, cause this has been a very hard year, a very, very hard year. And the only way I'm able to stay positive is if I say like, I can figure this out. And it's never really been about me figuring this out. It's always been about just paying attention, listening, and then seeing those signs. It's like, yep, it's on your time, not my time. I get it. It's an incredible experience. And, wow. If you know it, you know it, truthfully, right? And if you don't, I pray that you do. Cause it's a cool thing. It is. And it's, it's just awesome, powerful story, dude. Dude. Coming out. I mean, that's literally like, you're saying it, light in the darkness, being coming out of that well. And I mean, it's a whole different animal. It's so cool, dude. And it's- That's awesome. I'm so excited for you for that. I appreciate that. And for it to have been so fresh and real, that's just so cool. Yeah. It's such an awesome experience. This night was meant to be with that whole story and how you just ended that. Yeah. Tell you, there are no coincidences. I'm speechless, bro. There are zero coincidences. I know. This is meant to be right here. It's so cool. I couldn't be more proud of you. Couldn't be more proud to call you a friend. I appreciate that. Thank you. I mean, like, cause I know, I know that spiritual story of yours. Yeah. I know all of it. And to see that growth. Holy crap, dude. Yeah. It's an awesome thing. That's so cool, man. Being able to just- That's moving. Go out and do that and have that experience is not everybody's, is not an opportunity. Like there are opportunities there, but like people don't take that opportunity, right? It's like such a cool thing. And I think the series of events leading to it, like you kind of had all these things that built to it that just made it so much more powerful for you. It wasn't like, you didn't make up your mind and go do it. It was like, oh, where are you gonna go? Well, it's like, maybe I'll go try it. Once I realized that yes, God is real. 100%. And yes, he is my Lord and Savior. 100%. Because what you don't know and what you do know is I've actually died before. I've coded three times. I know it just, that's a bombshell. And God's always been working in my life. I just haven't necessarily always been paying attention and understanding. I got in a car wreck after my senior year. I actually graduated the night, stayed up all night because of after-crad. This is definitely, you know, back in the high school years. And the next morning, I was driving to Lawrence, Kansas to go see my mom, my birth mom for Mother's Day. be the next day. And as I'm driving, you know, I've stayed up all night. Yeah, no drinking involved. None of that. Yeah. I fall asleep with the wheel. Oh, shoot. And murders of crime. And actually, if you're coming on 2440, from Tonganoxie, yeah, where they have like the, you know, where you can buy fresh fruits and vegetables, vegetables. Yeah. I think that light pole is still there. You can see the bottom is not as splintered as it was back then. That's the light bulb that I actually hit. Oh, wow. It rips the rear axle off my car sends me rolling the side of scars on my head and cut off part of my ear. And they life lighted me and you only get life lighted. Yeah, if it's very serious. Yeah. And you know, they had talked about the I coded three times and whether true or not, I have no idea. You know, yeah, it's just something that I had heard. And, you know, obviously, there was a bunch of rumors that I was I remember somebody came in and saying that, oh, they heard that I broke all my legs. And they said, I mean, I knew that they said that I had swelling from head to toe and there was no way that nothing was wrong with me. But literally, I had a partial dislocated shoulder and a piece of my piece of my ear that was cut off that they sewed back together. And it came right back. And I had a mild to severe concussion. That was it. Wow. That was it and you made it out of that. Yeah, that's crazy. That that's that is crazy. I got life lighted on Sunday. I woke up on Monday because they had to put me into a drug induced coma. Because I was fighting them off because I could, you know, the whole bright light thing. Oh, sure. And I like to hear his funny voices. And I kept saying, I just want to go home and just want to go home and just want to go home. And so they had to sedate me. And then on Tuesday, the pastor that I was going to at the time, like I said, Kim Flammey was a huge part of my life and helped save my life. And it was a New Year's resolution my senior year to go to church with him for the month of January. Yes, ended up finding a church. And that story is wild. And I can tell you that later, just so we're not making this the longest episode ever. But then he came in, he realized that I wasn't there, called Kent's mom and was like, you know, where's brother Frank at? This isn't likely to miss this many in a row. And she said, Oh, well, he was in a car wreck. So lo and behold, on Tuesday, the pastor walks in and I look over and I'm like Pastor Shockley. And my dad gets to meet him. He prays for me. The next Wednesday, they walk in or that Wednesday, the next day they walk in. Swelling's basically all gone. Everything's there. And the nurses that are where basically like, okay, this doesn't make any sense. But if you can walk a lap around the pediatric center, then you can go home and got up. They strapped this little toe strap for me. Yeah, I get up and all of a sudden instantly almost about ready to fall. Yep. Regain myself and then just take off walking and then I get out of there. It's crazy to know the wild. He's always had a plan for me my whole life. Yeah, just haven't been paying attention. Yeah. And now I'm getting that second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth chance. And it's like, okay, now I know now I feel like now I understand wherever you are in life, you're exactly where you need to be. And now I'm getting to that point where now I'm getting to what I'm supposed to do with my life. Yeah. And it's always going to change. There might come something up, you know, but it's like commercial. Can you hear me now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I feel like it's been that moment like where it's like, okay, God, I hear you. Yeah, he's telling you, man. Wow. Dude, how cool is that? That's awesome. Such an awesome. I mean, start to finish stories, such an awesome story. I'm hardly ever speechless. And you've heard this all before. I've heard it all before. It's just like I get to hear it again. You never get tired of it. Yeah. It's amazing. Dude, that's awesome. That's really, really cool that you that you are where you are now and everything that you've come back from. It's like, I mean, it is so powerful. It's such a cool thing. And I love that for you. Yeah. And I don't know if I would have been able to do it for my dad. Like I said earlier, my dad is and he's he's been there for everything, experienced all of it right along with me. Yeah. And like, you know, like, that's that's my guy. That's that's the person I've always wanted to be like him. Yeah. And I realized I'll never be like him. So that's not what I'm supposed to be as a dad. You don't want him to be like you. You want him to be better. And it took me my all the way up until my thirties until I finally realized that's never been the goal that he's ever wanted. He never wanted me to be like him. He wanted me to be better than him. And, you know, still work in progress. He's a great man. It's gonna be hard to beat. But, you know, there's there's moments where you know, you know, you're you're doing good and you don't always have to hear it. But, man, there's whenever I hear my dad say, I'm proud of you. Oh, dude. It's good. That is crazy. Yeah. And I hear it a lot, but it's like you never take that for granted. No. Yeah. I love that, dude. Dude, that's amazing. Thanks for sharing that story. I know that that probably brings up some feelings and stuff, but I'm glad you were able to do that. It's one of those things where there's always gonna be feelings. But, yeah, it's just it's it's awesome to share just because you you never know whenever somebody else might be going through something also and if it can help them because everything I post on Instagram, you see, yeah, it's not always me posting for other people. It's all a lot of times it's posting as for reminders for me or things that I need to hear. Yeah. If I need to hear it, it could be one other person that yes, you. Yep. And if it reaches that one, that's worth it. Yep. It's worth it. Amen. Dude, so cool. Do you want to have a fun moment? Let's go. Let's do I'm ready for this. I got and not to retract from everything that just happened. So making sure that we stick there. You got to give the people what they want, Jeff. Absolutely. What what was your max squat bench deadlift? The people want to know when I was raw, my max squat was eight seventy six. My max bench at the time was five forty next deadlift. Then I think I finally hit seven or five or seven eleven. How many people are listening to this right now? You can let us know in a comment. How many people do you know that are in the two thousand pound club? I can answer it for you. None. I know one. But then I went into single fly and my best squat was one thousand three. And then I went into multiply, which is just another different one. Yeah. And that's when I scored a twelve hundred. My best squat would be in twelve eighteen. Good Lord. Was it hard to find that many horses? The weird thing is, is like I've never actually been asked that question, but you always get asked, what did twelve eighteen feel like? It's not like twelve hundred freaking pounds, man. No. What does it feel like hitting the 90 mile an hour fastball? Same thing as probably hitting the seventy mile an hour fastball, because you just do it that well. How did it feel like? How did it feel like shooting or getting shot at? You probably after a while, it just becomes the same thing. What do I need to do right now? Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, you're not wrong. So you get in that mindset. Yeah. Twelve hundred pounds of me felt the same as a thousand thousand felt the same way as eight hundred. Yeah, because I put myself in a mindset that empty bar or heaviest weight, I'm treating it like my goal. Hundred percent. Yeah, I did not vary on how I executed. I brace the same way I breathe the same way I treated it the exact same. So whenever I got to that and I actually have a picture of me right before I get underneath the bar, my eyes are shut and I'm smiling, looking just crazy. But it's because I've already done this. Yeah, you're in it. Let's go have fun. Just go do it, man. Dude. Yeah. No matter how this turns out, just go do it. Yeah, I love that. OK, now we're getting a little bit more wild. If you were the lead singer of a band, what band would it be and what song would you start your concert with? Well, I was not prepared for this one. I was prepared for every other crazy thing. This is brand new. I know who you're performing with. I've got it in my head already. I'm probably going to mess it up and go somewhere completely off. It's cool. Do it. Here's the thing. I love a lot of music and I love a lot of bands and everything. But my favorite artist of all time is Frank Sinatra. Love it. So if I had to pick, but if I had to pick a band, sure, sure. And this is where it's going to throw him off because he knows I love 90s hip hop. I know everything like this. Yes. But this isn't because you're an 80s guy. You like you love the 80s. Love the 80s. Yeah, there's one band growing up that I always had. That was my dad's favorite. One of my dad's favorite band. But love this love this song. Love this band. I love that, you know, with the with the hair. Oh, yeah. I would. If I had to choose, there's a modern day and a later day. But it has to be Quiet Riot. Bang your head. OK, great song. Or I'm going I would to me Brent Smith of Shine Down has the best voice ever. And I'd probably say Shine Down. Yeah. And with that, there's so many great songs. I mean, yeah. I mean, there's so many amazing songs from there. Yeah. We don't get to talk about this a lot in music world. Like I talk about the music a lot, but Shine Down in general and like fly from the inside really showcases his ability to sing, which is such a cool song. And it just gets you hyped. You're like, hell yeah. Yep. I want to do something cool. And Brent Smith before going into rehab and Brent Smith after rehab. Yeah. Physically, he changed. Sure. But that voice stayed the same. Stayed the same. It's amazing. Who did you think? Dude, I thought for sure you're going to be like, I'm performing with Dax. I mean, hell yes. Like Dax is amazing. I would, in a heartbeat, but you know, had to throw a little curveball there because that was definitely not something that I had listened to. I've heard all of the ones that you've asked and never heard that one yet. So that was awesome. That's eight. You know, I like to break them out. Nick, do you have one? I've got plenty in the heart. Go ahead. Because I have one in particular, but please go ahead. I'm going to pull it up. All right. Well, we're going to go back to one that we've heard before. If you, if there was a movie that you've written about your life, what would it be called and who plays you as the main character? So I've actually thought about this one. Yep. And but now after everything and just thinking about everything in my life, and since it wouldn't be able to say this in the actual title, it would just have to say figuring it the F out. And that would be, that would be that because I can't say life because that movie already exists. Sure. But it'd just be figuring it the F out. And a lot of people like to choose actors that look like them. I don't really have too many actors that look like me. But man, if it wouldn't even have to be an actor, but I got to have Morgan Freeman narrating it. Love it. But I got to have Morgan Freeman narrating it. I didn't even know that that was perfect until you just said it. That was perfect. That was perfect. That was perfect. OK. No, man, I am on board with it. Yeah. And I think the title and Morgan Freeman jumping in there. Absolutely. Just with everything we talked about and it just dropping a bombshell and all of a sudden you got Morgan Freeman's epic voice just talking about it. Oh my lord. Soothing you. Morgan Freeman just mesmerizing. He could read the dictionary and make it interesting. I will say this. If I had to pick one person just because I think it would highlight the happy times, the sad times because to me he's one of the best. To me, the best actor is Denzel Washington. But if I had to pick one person it had to be Rob Williams. Oh, man. Rob Williams just because of all the different things he had played. Yep. Everything. He can move into each role. I would have to say Rob Williams. Yep. Love it. He's hugely diverse as an actor. It's so awesome. So awesome. Future guests have some big shoes to fill here. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. I'm throwing things. Oh, yeah. They do. Oh, yeah. OK, I got one. Go for it. At a party. Oh, this is a great one. Well, since I'm going to say this, I'm not going to use this answer for possibly in the next one coming up because it's also one I thought of. Dance moves? There is none because like Genesis says I can't dance because if you ever ask me about a song, that's potentially going to be one of them. OK, that's fair. But that's not the answer. If I use that in that, there will be a different answer. That's fair. So then we'll play into your song game here. Then if you had a theme song for your life that played every time you walked into a room, what would it be? So, like I said before, Frank Sinatra. OK. Still standing. Oh, great song. Yeah. Great song. OK. I'm on board with that. I'm on board with that. All right. Nick, do you have another? I do. Dude, I have tons. I could go. I do not. Bro's hitting it out of the park here. Let's change it for a second. Bro's hitting it out of the park. So I'm going to switch it up because I mentioned this earlier and you guys said, oh, no, you're jumping ahead. Let's do it. If you had a superpower, what would your superpower be? Can I say that I just want to be Jeff? Right? That's such a hard question, too. Yeah. I think I would want to... I've always said that I would want to be able to fly. Yeah. So, like, I fly drones professionally. So I think that if I could just be in the air and fly, that'd be cool. Yeah. Flying is dope. I mean, we all have... It's pretty rad. I think all of us have experienced dreams where we're flying randomly or swimming through the air. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%. 100%. I would have to turn... I'd have to be able to turn into a bald eagle at any time. Ah. That would be my superpower. Yeah. I just love eagles. And it's America. That's rad. That's rad. I get down to that. It's along that same aspect of what you guys are. Who's your favorite superhero? I have, for a long time, been a Superman fan. So I probably have to stick to that. No. Iron Man. Yeah. Iron Man's great. 100%. Yeah. Iron Man's big. I like more so Tony Stark, right? Yeah. Than Iron Man. Right? Sure. But I guess, technically, it's the same. Well, that kind of makes sense because I've already kind of known you through him. Yeah. Just kind of like the joking, the fun type nature. Like, I could see that about Tony Stark. Yeah. Dude, I'm not even... I'm not shitting you guys. I literally got out of the shower last night and I was like, that's brisk. Hashtag Tony Stark, man. Yep. Wake up in the middle of Tennessee and it's freezing? Absolutely. Iron Man, 100%. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I'm all for that. I could make an argument for Iron Man. Hulk and Wolverine are for me. Oh, yeah. Same thing. I can see that. Is it because you're literally the embodiment of both? No, it's actually like the ability... Because old Hulk was, just if you pissed him off, he got mad. Yes. Bruce Banner. And the now Hulk is, that's his superheroes. He's always mad because he's able to tap into and control that reservoir. And I love that. I love that scene. Love that scene. But also like their ability to heal, their ability to not be hurt, their ability to jump however far he needs to, kind of like the flying almost. Yeah. But then also just that, their incredible strength, but also it's like you take all these strong and healing abilities and they protect people. They do. And that's what I think is the best thing about it. Love it, man. Help people. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. That's a win. Do you have more, Nick? I have more. Go ahead, dude. I always have more. Go ahead, dude. All right. I'm digging in. Digging into a couple here. Okay. Well, I still like this one. This is always fun. And I feel like it's relevant for you. Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck? Oh, I hate this question because I wouldn't want to do either, but I know I got to pick one. Well, there's a reason why I'm terrified of the ocean. And that's because there are things in there that are larger than me. Yes. Yes. You don't know where they're at. Exactly. And I'm petrified of the ocean. I'm also because of Jaws. But there are things that are massive. So I definitely have to say duck-sized horses. And they'd probably still whip my ass because they'd be so small and I would probably be like, oh, look at them. And then all of a sudden they'd get me. But I'd probably just have to start kicking and then I'd probably freak out and get out of breath because I'm big. You never know. You never know. Nick, come shoot these things. Yeah. Come plant the knife on one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least have a reason. Give me a reason. Give me a reason. Give me one. All right. All right. I like that. I like that. You still feeling good? You still feeling ready? Oh, absolutely. OK, well now because I know you know the answer to this. I have to ask it anyway. What is your go-to? Nope. That's enough of you. What's your go-to mythological creature and what sound does it make? So just because so many people have said... Dragon. Dragon. Yes, obviously it's kind of one of those things. But also the one thing that I really love and here's a there's a few. Obviously the Japanese Koi, you can't really say it's mythological, but how far back does it go? I love the Japanese Koi. Sure. But I would say there's probably going to be about three different ones that kind of all fit kind of me. Sure. And that's kind of what I really, really love. I've always had a fascination with wolves. Oh, cool. So mythological wolves. I don't know if you can say like how the new like dire wolves are back. Yeah. But what is it? What is it? I'm not a big Viking person, but like Fenrir? Yeah. Fenrir is that wolf? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. So, you know, to me it's kind of a lot of being a wolf because they're strong, lone, they're amazing strong and resilient by themselves. Oh, yeah. But then in a pack, you can't mess with them by themselves. You can't mess with them in a pack. Oh, yeah. But then you got like the Japanese Koi that shows its resilience and its go-to and never willing to quit. But then you have the dragon that is the embodiment of not wanting to quit, but then also intelligence. And, you know, and here's the thing is with dragon, there is no noise to me because I'm not wanting to be a dragon that's like the fire breathing, intimidating dragon. To me, it's that embodiment, it's that calmness of the spirit. Right. It's the simpleness. It's the movies that you see dragons when they're just talking. Yeah. To me, that's the type of dragon I'd be. So I guess like following Ty's thing, or Ty? Yeah. The pew pew. That's probably how I would be. But I'd probably just talk more. Well, I'll take it to a kid movie. Can I be Donkey? Yes. Yes, you can. That's rad. I'll be Donkey. That's probably how this relationship is though. You're Donkey and I'm Shrek. You all right, Shrek. That's so rad. Well, I have thousands of questions. I could keep going all night, but I don't want to keep you longer, man. We appreciate the heck out of you being here and sharing your story. I think it's super impactful. And I 100% believe it's going to help somebody out there because there's somebody somewhere going through that or has gone through that and is trying to figure out what it's going to be like on the other side of that door. It's helped you. It's helped you. It's helped me. It's educated. And on a perfect day. I mean, like it allows us all to step away from everything that's going on and allows us all just to enjoy something. Yeah, I'm so glad you're here, man. I'm so glad you chose life. Yes, 150%. I was going to say, is there a way some people can find you out on the interwebs, Instagram, anything like that? Yeah, I think it's isquadat1200.com. I always forget that. I'm not that vain, but kind of I am that vain. My Instagram is literally just my name, at Jeff period Frank, F-R-A-N-K. It's that simple. And can they find, where can somebody find more information on strength over suicide? So strength over suicide Instagram is just strength over suicide, S-O-S. I wouldn't necessarily say that there's going to be a lot of information about it. It's just really a place where I kind of tell my story, share different thoughts or this or that or kind of encouragement or videos that I find a lot of encouragement out of. But it's usually just reminding like, hey, today is not the day. If this is the sign you're looking for, here's that sign. Yeah, I love that. Definitely go check those out for sure because there's important information out there and it's just at least helpful for people. 100% agree. Dude, you've been amazing, man. It's been awesome. Thanks for hanging out with us. I'm sure we're going to do this again. Did Nick tell you about his dream? Yeah. Love it. Trust me. I would love to come on and do this. This is great. I've enjoyed every minute of this. Unspoken with Nick, Nick and Jeff. Yeah, as long as I can still be the first. Actually, should we put him in the middle? He could be like our cream filling on the Oreo. Yes, because Jeff wants to be the middle spoon. Is that because I'm the biggest? No, man. Are we a thin Oreo now? Yes, exactly. Oreo zero. This freaking guy. Listen, man, I'm not high school, okay? I love you. I love you too. I just had to get it. I had to get it. Dude, love it. Thanks for hanging out with us. Thank you for your story. It's super awesome, super impactful to people. Love it. And you're welcome back here anytime. Anytime. It probably will. Can we just go ahead and extend an invitation out again? Always. Would you accept? 100%. You already know that. You're coming back. He's the guy. He's coming back. Yeah, he's coming back. Well, everybody, as always, thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Unspoken with Nick and Nick and Jeff and Jeff. And I'm not going to take over it like like Noel did. Oh, Noel. Like, hey, this is my show. Yeah. You two get out of here. That's right. And definitely check us out on our Instagram at the underscore unspoken underscore pod. And let us know if there's anything that you guys want to add and see in the lightning round questions and or if there's anybody else that you want to see on the show. And as always, we appreciate you all. Thank you again for Jeff hanging out with us. Thanks for being here. Thanks for your time. Thank you for being here. Yes, that's most important. It's been awesome. And until next time, bye bye.