"I Always Have A Choice."

This week on WORDS MATTER, Deanna Ley, The Catalytic Coach, continues the ROOTED series with a quote that sounds simple but carries real weight when life gets hard:

“I always have a choice.”

Paired with Viktor Frankl’s insight about the space between stimulus and response, this episode explores what choice truly means when circumstances are painful, unexpected, or outside your control.

This conversation is not about pretending pain didn’t happen or forcing a positive spin. It is about recognizing the space between what happens and how you respond, and understanding the responsibility and power that live there.

Through personal story, real-life examples, and Whole-Self Health teaching, Deanna shows how that space can become a place of healing, steadiness, and self-trust rather than reaction and retreat.

What Listeners Will Learn
• Why having a choice does not mean you caused what happened
• How to recognize the space between stimulus and response in everyday moments
• What ownership looks like when it is rooted in responsibility rather than blame
• How to use your PEACE GAUGE when emotions feel loud or overwhelming
• Why a single reactive moment does not undo the growth you have already built

Memorable Quotes
• “I always have a choice.”
 • “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ― Viktor E. Frankl
 • “You don’t always have a choice about what happens to you. The choice is about what you do now that it has.”
 • “I am 100% responsible for my health and my healing.”
 • “Blame keeps you stuck. Ownership sets you free.”
 • “Ownership without self-compassion isn’t freedom. It’s just punishment wearing a different mask.”
 • “One hard day doesn’t get to erase the growth that you’ve already done.”

This episode offers a grounded reminder that even when life feels out of control, your response still belongs to you, and so does the path forward.

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER.

ChooseROOTED.com

Transcript

Well, hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of WORDS MATTER. We're continuing our ROOTED series today that we started last week. And I want to dive into a quote that might sound simple on the surface, but friends, it actually holds the key to your freedom.

"I always have a choice".

Now, before you roll your eyes or think, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Deanna, I've heard that before". I need you to stay with me.

Because I want to pair that quote with something Viktor Frankl said. He was a man who survived the Nazi concentration camps and went on to write one of the most profound books on human resilience ever written. He said this:

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom".

That space, friends? That's where transformation lives.

Now I know some of you are already pushing back on this quote - and honestly you should. Because let's be absolutely clear about something. You don't always have a choice about what happens TO you. You didn't choose the loss. You didn't choose the diagnosis. You didn't choose the betrayal, or the layoff, or the accident, or the words that cut you to the bone. Those things happened. And they were beyond your control. And anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you something that won't help you heal.

The choice isn't about whether it happened. The choice is about what you do now that it has. How you move forward. How you speak to yourself about it. What meaning you assign to it. Whether you let it consume you. Or whether you find a way to keep living - maybe even growing - alongside it.

That's the choice Viktor Frankl is talking about, and that's the space we're exploring today.

Let me take you back to a moment in my life where I felt completely powerless. This was years ago... 2011. Before I had worked, for sure, to heal my relationship with food or with myself. That long ago. See, I had someone very close to me say something so hurtful that it sent my entire world spinning. This was my best friend. My person.

One day she just quit talking to me. And when I asked her why, she said, "There's just something about your personality". When I begged for more of an explanation - when I pleaded with her to help me understand what I had done, what I could fix, what had changed - I got more silence. There was no further conversation. There was no resolution. There was not even a chance to make it right.

I lost my best friend. I lost my relationship with her girls who I had loved like they were my own. I lost other friends who chose her over me. And heartbreakingly, I lost myself.

In a matter of one spoken sentence - and the silence that followed - my identity shattered. My sense of worth crumbled. And because I didn't have a healthy way to cope, I CHOSE to numb out and self-soothe with food and alcohol and isolation. When I tell you that I know the name of every single one of my pounds and where they came from, that was easily over 20 of them.

I didn't know what I didn't know. I didn't realize at the time what I'm so thankful that I understand now. Today's Me would have handled that entire situation very differently. Today, I would have paused.

I would have checked in with my PEACE GAUGE and asked myself, "Does believing what she just said add to or sustain my peace in my mind, my body, and my soul?" And the answer of course would have been a resounding NO. I would have chosen to question the truth of her words instead of making them my identity. I would have reached out for support instead of isolating. I would have moved my body to release the emotion instead of stuffing it down. I would have spoken kindly to myself instead of letting her criticism become my inner dialogue.

But I didn't know how to do any of that then. I didn't recognize the space between what she had said and how I responded. I just reacted and that reaction kept me stuck for years.

That's what happens when we live on autopilot, friends.

Something happens TO us - and we react. Someone criticizes us, we defend or collapse. Something goes wrong, and we panic or blame. We get triggered, and we shut down or lash out. Stimulus. Response. Stimulus. Response. No pause. No space. No choice.

But when you start operating from your ROOTED Self... When you're tending to your mind, your body, and your soul - you begin to recognize that space that Viktor Frankl talked about. And you learn to use it.

Your PEACE GAUGE lives there, friends. Your inner wisdom operates there. Your power exists there.

So let me give you some real life scenarios where this shows up because I want you to see how universal this really is.

Scenario number one - Someone makes a comment about your body or your appearance, and maybe it's well-meaning. Maybe it's not. Either way, it stings. The stimulus is the comment. The autopilot response is shame, defensiveness, or shutting down completely. But the space asks, "What's actually true here? What do I choose to believe about myself?" How you talk to yourself afterward, whether you spiral or stay steady, whether you give that comment power or let it just pass through you without taking root.

Scenario number two - You're in a conflict with someone you care about - a partner, a friend, a coworker. The disagreement feels heated. Personal. Raw. The stimulus is the hurt or the frustration. The autopilot response is to attack back, withdraw completely, people-please to smooth it over, or hold resentment for days - maybe even years. But the space asks, "What am I actually feeling right now? What do I need? How do I want to show up in this moment?" Whether you stay present or check out emotionally, how you care for yourself when the conversation is over matters.

Scenario number three - You receive difficult news about your health. A diagnosis. A setback. Something you weren't expecting - and for sure didn't want. The stimulus is the news itself. The autopilot response is to panic, despair, step into victimhood, or complete denial. But the space asks, "What can I actually control here? What's my next right step?" How you move forward, how you speak to yourself in the hard moments, who you become as you walk through this is a big deal, friends.

And scenario number four, because I know this one will resonate - You have an off day - maybe with your eating, maybe with movement, or your rest. You veer off your path that you've been walking on and you immediately hear the old voices start screaming at you. The stimulus is the perceived failure. The autopilot response is shame, giving up entirely, or saying, "I've already ruined it, so why bother?" That mentality. But the space asks, "What's one thing I can do right now that serves me?" Self-compassion over self-punishment, returning without shame, continuing forward instead of abandoning yourself - those are answers that will serve you.

So do you see it, friends? In every single one of those scenarios, you can't control the stimulus. But what happens in that space? Now that's entirely up to you.

I want to bring in something that I learned from author Jaco Willink. He talks about extreme ownership. Woo! Even wrote a book on it, friends. It's taking full responsibility for your life, your outcomes, the path that you're on, the steps that you take - all of it. And I've adopted that mindset when it comes to my wellness with this mantra. I'm sure if you know me well, you've heard me say it.

"I am 100 % responsible for my health and my healing. No one else. Just me."

And I need you to hear this clearly. That's about power. Never blame. Because when you stop waiting for someone else to fix you, save you, or give you permission to be well, you reclaim everything. When you stop casting blame outward - at circumstances, at your past, at other people - your whole-self responds. Your mind clears. Your body softens. Your soul settles and feels at peace.

Blame keeps you stuck. Ownership - it sets you free.

And that's the entire foundation of ROOTED, the guidebook that I wrote. It's designed to help you recognize and operate from that space. It teaches you to take ownership as the Tender of your ROOTED Self. The 30 days train you to notice the gap, trust yourself in it, and choose from your most authentic self instead of old programming or old voices.

So let me give you some practical ways to actually use this in your daily life.

First, name the space. When you feel triggered or reactive, literally say out loud or in your mind, "There's a space here. I have a choice". Just naming it brings awareness.

Second, pause and breathe. Before you respond to anyone - including yourself - take three deep breaths. Give yourself permission to wait before reacting.

Third, ask your PEACE GAUGE. This is one of the most powerful tools that we talk about in ROOTED, and it lives right here in this space that we're talking about. Check in with yourself. "Does this choice add to or sustain my peace in my mind, body, and soul." That question shifts you from reaction to consultation. Because suddenly you're asking your inner wisdom what serves your whole-self - and never what just feels easiest in the moment.

Your PEACE GAUGE doesn't just help you make decisions moving forward. It also guides you back when you've veered off-path a little bit. When you do react on autopilot - which is normal and expected - that same question is always waiting for you. "What would add to or sustain my peace right now?"

And here's what I love about it. When you ask that question, your whole-self gets to participate in the answer. Your mind can choose a different thought about what just happened. Your body can receive your next nourishing decision - whether that's food, or rest, or movement, or just stillness. And your soul? It can anchor back into what's true about who you are beneath that initial desire to just react.

You're ROOTED, friends. Think about trees for a moment. They don't grow in straight lines. They adapt to the wind. They bend in the storms. They reach around obstacles. They weather seasons from dormancy to abundant growth - and through all of it, they keep growing.

One moment off path doesn't uproot you. One reactive decision doesn't have to define you. And one hard day doesn't get to erase the growth that you've already done.

And that brings me back to my mantra. I am 100 % responsible for my health and my healing. That responsibility includes how you treat yourself when things don't go as planned. Ownership without self-compassion... It isn't freedom. It's just punishment wearing a different mask. So yes, own your next step, but make it a kind one. Make it one that honors the fullness and the completeness of who you are.

Fourth, notice your self-talk. What story are you telling yourself about what just happened? Is it true? Is it kind? Can you choose a different narrative?

Fifth, choose one small action. You don't have to overhaul your entire life in this one moment. Just pick one thing - right now - that moves you forward. One kind word to yourself. One grounding breath. One decision that aligns with who you're becoming.

Now I do want to acknowledge something real. Sometimes the available options feel impossibly small. Sometimes all you can influence is your attitude. Sometimes the only thing within reach is staying present instead of numbing out. And friends, that still matters.

Victor Frankel discovered this truth in circumstances most of us can't ever imagine. Inside the concentration camp, he realized that even when external conditions were stripped away, he still had freedom no one could take from him. The freedom to choose his response. To choose his attitude. To choose what it all meant. What he proved is that the space exists. Even in the darkest of places. Even in the hardest moments. Even when it feels like there are no good options.

Here's what I want to leave you with today. Where in your life right now do you feel like you have no say? What situation feels completely out of your control? What if there's a space there - even a small one? What if you're responsible for what comes next? Never responsible for what happened. Never responsible for fixing the situation overnight. But responsible for your response. Your next step. Your next thought.

So this week I want you to practice noticing the space. You don't even have to change your response yet. Just notice that it exists. Notice that tiny gap between what happens and how you react.

And when you're ready, say this out loud.

"I am 100 % responsible for my health and my healing. No one else. Just me".

And then say this...

"I always have a choice".

Feel that truth settle into your body and your mind and that beautiful soul of yours, because between stimulus and response, there is a space.

And in that space is your power. And in your response to that space - that is where your growth and your freedom live.

You are the Tender of your ROOTED Self. And in every moment you get to choose how you show up for yourself. 

So I beg of you... 

Choose presence. 

Choose compassion. 

Choose ownership. 

And CHOOSE YOU.

Friends, the words we see and read, the words we hear, and the words we say to ourselves and about ourselves - about what we're doing and how we're doing it - they all matter.

Your WORDS MATTER, because YOU MATTER.

Have a great day.