Welcome to the Daily Blade. The Word of God is described as the Sword of the Spirit, the primary spiritual weapon in the Christian's armor against the forces of evil. Your hosts are Joby Martin and Kyle Thompson, and they stand ready to equip men for the fight. Let's sharpen up.
SPEAKER_01Welcome
back. This is day four of five things your wife or future wife needs from you as a leader. Today we are talking about your words. To lead your family well, your wife needs you to use your words and use them wisely. Men, your words carry weight, real weight. Whether it's at home, at work, or hanging out with friends, or discipling your kids, they weigh heavy. The question is, what kind of heavy are your words? Maybe you lead big things at work, or you are in charge of a lot of people and it requires harsh words to get the job done. So what do you do with that energy when you roll up to the house at 6 PM, ready to take on that second job as husband and dad? Do you continue the barking? Or do you figure out how to leave all that at the office, putting on the gentle giant face when you walk in the door?
I know it is a struggle because I have had many conversations with Joby about it. Some not so gentle but necessary conversations. One of the things I learned quickly after we had launched the Church of 1122, and Joby was suddenly in 10 meetings a day and in charge of everything was that he walked in with a different posture in the evenings. It was very different than being in charge of youth group. Lots of laughing and silliness allowed a very smooth, happy-go-lucky transition to home and kids in the evening. But sitting in a room full of adults trying to figure out how to steer this ship that launched ten times larger than we expected, that yielded a different demeanor at the end of the day. Thoughts were still reeling, anger and frustration still permeating the air around him. And then his words. He started speaking to me in a different tone. Everything was elevated or sounding like demands and instructions versus a loving partnership. One evening, when Joby, the loving husband and father we all knew and loved, didn't enter the house and some other version did, I just gently took his arm and said, Have you been in a lot of meetings today? I didn't even have to say anything else. He knew immediately what he had sounded like to me and the kids, and that's all it took. And I'd like to say that's how I always handled things, with gentle, loving kindness. But I would be lying. Now, let me be clear: Joby has never ever intentionally been mean or vindictive with his words to me or the kids. He has never talked down to me or the kids, and he has never tried to use words to harm or hurt us. But I have. Some of my biggest regrets have been my words early on in our marriage. I've said some harsh things to Joby and the kids. I have attacked him with my words out of frustration and anger more times than I'd like to admit. I don't do that anymore, praise God. But for years it was my mode of attack, especially when I felt like he was winning the argument. Words can change everything about a relationship with your wife,
your kids, your coworkers. When you walk into the room, does peace walk in with you? Or is everyone on edge not knowing what version of you they will be getting? There are over 100 passages in the Bible that directly reference how to use your words. So it's a big deal to God what comes out of your mouth. Because what you speak is what you think, and what you think reveals your true heart. Matthew 12, 34 says, For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Your words will reveal your true self. So what are you saying? Your words can either build up your relationship or they can destroy your relationship. Ephesians 4 29 says, Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up. A gentle, gracious tone goes a long way. I've seen it in my words to Joby, and I have felt it with the kindness and loving way he speaks to me. Proverbs 16, 24 says, Gracious words are like honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and healthy to the body.
Most arguments begin because words are spoken. Not a lot of fights happen in silence. Husbands and dads, maybe the best way to lead your family well is to not use your words. There were many times I wanted Joby to retaliate with his words after I fired off some not so nice things. But he never would. Not once in 26 years. And it took about 15 years for me to understand why. He was leading even in the silence. It's hard to fight when the other person doesn't fight back. So maybe if she is the fighter, you lead by not fighting back. Be the lead repenter. Be the lead encourager, but also be the lead disciple. Don't just expect to show up at church and let them disciple your kids. It begins with you. The
foundation of your kids' faith needs to start in the home. And that requires words. You pray over your kids every night, read scripture with your kids, have conversations about their faith. You believe that it's your job to teach them how to throw a baseball or football, or teach them how to ride a bike or surf or hunt or fish. You don't depend on anyone else to show your kids how to do these things. How much more important is their faith in Jesus than all of those things? Joby said in a sermon recently: the greatest threat to a church is not all the corruption and attacks that come from the outside. Churches have overcome outside attacks since the beginning, and that isn't changing anytime soon. The greatest threat to a church is apathy and complacency from within.
And I believe this is true for families as well. Men don't be complacent and don't assume your family knows how you feel. Speak words of love, kindness, encouragement, truth, and life to your family. If you lead with that, the harder, more disciplinary, stern, and serious conversations will carry more weight because they will be received from a place of knowing that they are loved by you. Proverbs 1218 says, the words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Men, your wife needs your words to bring healing. You may be a giant in many things, but at home, use gentleness and self-control as you speak to and lead your family. Amen.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for listening to today's episode. Before you go, if you want to help equip other men for the fight, share this podcast around and leave us a five star rating and review. Stay sharp.