International Women’s Day

Guy and girls.

Transcript

Welcome to the one-hundred-and-tenth episode of The Undercover Intern podcast, coming to you live from the centre of London Luton Airport. I'm your host, Guy Snapdragon, and today is Monday the 10th of March 2025.

We are sponsored this week by The Maywentery Golf Course. Welcoming men of all abilities since 1923. I should have mentioned in the last episode that New Men Membership applications must be written on coated Italian paper with a Visconti fountain pen, using blue ink. I’m very sorry if you applied without following these instructions, but you’ll need to have another go. The deadline for applications is tomorrow at 1:30am British Summer Time.

[Takeoff quietly] I’m not sure how much you can hear that, but we have installed sound proofing to the studio and so the regular accompaniment to this podcast will be more muted from now on. Please rest assured that that plane was at full throttle and has taken off safely. There will be no London Luton air disasters today. 

Ooo no. Oh my god. Jeeez … Oh, the human(ity) … Ah, no it’s just changing direction. It’s fine. I thought for a moment there that I’d finally be at the center of a major international news story... Those things are really rather agile for their size. Impressive … yes, it’s still going up. Perfect.

Let’s begin with a quote from one of my favourite women, Rebecca Solnit. It goes something like this: “Violence doesn't have a race, a class, a religion, or a nationality, but it does have a gender.” Slightly binary, Rebecca, but you have a point and a 2013 global study did find that 95% of convicted homicide perpetrators are male. Does that just mean that women are better at getting away with it?

Today we’ll be celebrating International Women’s Day, or IWD for short, using the first letters of each of the words. IWD was celebrated for the first time by the UN, which stands for the United Nations, in 1975. In 1977, the UN General Assembly proclaimed March 8th as the UN Day for Women's Rights and International Peace. It’s nice that IWD is associated with peace, though could somebody remind the wife of that - I wish she’d give me a bit of peace! [laugh track]. That’s just a joke and I don’t currently have a wife or a girlfriend and remain receptive to serious offers. IWD has grown to become a global day of recognition and celebration. It is an official holiday in many countries. In 2018 for IWD McDonald’s turned its arches upside down, so rather than an M, which stands for McDonalds, it became a W, which stands for WcDonalds. They also exclusively used bull meat in their burgers for one day only. For those of you that don’t know, bulls are the male version of a cow. Let’s see how much those men cows like being slaughtered and eaten for a day! Last year, France marked the occasion by guaranteeing the right to abortion in their constitution. Similarly, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Alabama, Idaho, West Virginia, Indiana, Kentucky and Oklahoma, which are all states in the United States of America, marked IWD last year by allowing all women to have abortions on March the 8th in the morning, though only if they are within the first six weeks of pregnancy, and only where the pregnancy was associated with a rape conviction involving a close family member, meaning a first cousin, brother, father, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, great-great-great-grandfather etc. 

IWD 2025 was actually on Saturday, and here at The Undercover Intern we’ve been celebrating throughout the weekend with cakes, a Book Club Meeting and a romcom film night. I’m still sore from yesterday’s charity netball match. For those of you outside of the British Empire, netball is a pastime enjoyed by ladies in Commonwealth countries, aimed at those for whom basketball is too frenetic. The aim, exactly like with basketball, is to get a ball into a net, but the netball ball is smaller and softer so easier to lift and less likely to hurt any women fingers. Players cannot run with the ball and are each restricted to a specific zone on the court, rather like a cook stays in the kitchen or a librarian stays in a library. Netball is a game that rewards swivelling, hip rotation and boundary awareness, all things at which women excel.

I have received criticism in the past that this podcast fails to include women sufficiently. To that I say, episode 38 Margaret Thatcher. It does not get more woman than that. The entirety of episode 38 was dedicated to Margaret Hilda Thatcher who incidentally was conceived exactly one hundred years ago this very day in the backroom of a Grantham grocery store, amongst assorted old rotting vegetables, cigars and boiled sweets which went everywhere as Alfred reached climax and Beatrice Ethel moaned in joy as the spermoloids for the UK’s first female Prime Minister were deposited inside her writhing conservative body. Margaret, as the first woman prime minister in the United Kingdom, smashed the glass ceiling for the likes of Liz Truss. Although Thatcher appointed only one woman to her cabinet during her eleven years as Prime Minister, Baroness Young as Leader of the House of Lords, and although she is quoted as saying, quote “I hate feminism. It is poison” and although she thought women were too emotional for leadership and although she thought that working mothers should rely on quote, ‘an aunt or granny’ to watch their children, and although she made swingeing cuts to social services and although she was a bully who didn’t listen to criticism …. I’ve forgotten my point … Ah, yes, I was explaining to listeners about the House of Lords. This is a lavishly decorated retirement home in London where unelected posh pensioners go to dress up, sleep, keep warm and occasionally make legislative decisions affecting the future of 67 million people.

[Crash] Sorry, I’ve just knocked over my lucky Des Lynam statue. Oh god, his nose has come off. ... I should explain that we’re using twenty-odd inflatable pools to help subdue the aircraft activity noise. They seem to be effective but they do take up rather a lot of space, and it feels more like a telephone booth than a podcast studio in here. We can probably glue Des’s nose back on? [Distant] Lee, could you take care of this? Don’t touch his moustache. Oh, Des.

As I mentioned in episode 107, just 2% of listeners to this podcast are female. I do hope to push that percentage up a little. First of all, in order to download this podcast, open a podcasts app, which is short for application, on your Android phone. Use the search bar to find the podcast you want to download or browse the recommendations. To find this one, you could just put in the word ‘Intern’ or ‘Undercover’ and it will be the top of the list because of its popularity. Once you've found the podcast, tap on it to see the list of episodes. Find the specific episode you want to download and tap the download icon next to it, which looks like a downward arrow or a cloud with an arrow. This one is episode 110, so tap that icon and give it a few moments to download, ideally using a WiFi connection which you can find in most houses nowadays.

Why would a woman choose this podcast over others? I have to accept the reality that you could be listening to Woman’s Hour. I am not a woman, and so what do I have to offer you? Thanks to Focgee - where the client is loved two point zero - I can offer you all sorts of things if you just give me a chance.

For example, here is my top advice to women listeners who are about to begin an internship, though it’s advice that I would give to any man too. First and foremost, don’t rock the boat too much when you’re there. I do things as an intern that are exceptional but that’s only because I am undercover and have twenty years of success and experience. Be humble and stay quiet. Listen. You are not going to change things overnight and one mistake can ruin your whole career. Make yourself useful, and never consider a task as ‘beneath you’. Somebody has to make the coffee. Smile. Make sure you do things on time and dress appropriately. Ask questions, but don’t ask too many questions and remember that your boss is busy and he won’t always have time to answer. Don’t gossip or giggle too much, as it can disturb your colleagues. Keep your hair long and in a ponytail. If in doubt, don’t do it. Listen to your fear. If you must cry at work, do it quietly in the bathroom. Don’t flirt, you’re there to work not start a family. Online shopping is to be done outside of work hours. A hand on the shoulder or a brief massage is not always sexual harassment, so please think twice before you go blabbing to HR.

I’ve been your host, Guy Snapdragon. My producer is Lee Buckingham. Michael Webb is Chief Legal Officer and Legal support comes from Paul Tout, Simon Warwick and Matthew Rook. Accountancy from Graham Cree. Security from David Jarrett. May you use your time wisely, and may your use of wise be timely.