A Golfing Murder Investigation

Guy solves another murder case, easily.

Transcript

Welcome to the one-hundred-and-twelfth episode of The Undercover Intern podcast, coming to you pre-recorded from The Maywentery Golf Course. I'm your host, Guy Snapdragon, and today is Monday the 24th of March 2025.

We are sponsored this week by The Maywentery Golf Course. Welcoming men of all abilities since 1923.

The tragic death of Garry Rafferty, exactly two months ago today, has left the members of Maywentery Golf Course in shock. The once peaceful greens are now tainted with the aftermath of a brutal murder. Join me as I delve into the dark underbelly of this exclusive community and uncover the truth behind Garry's untimely demise.

It is 12:37pm. I’m now here, just off the green on hole 16, with its intricately manicured lawns and the daffodils announcing springtime, where Garry's head was discovered. The coroner's report revealed that a bunker rake was the likely instrument of death. But who wielded this makeshift weapon of destruction? Our first suspect is Simon Blackwell the club president. Known for his fiery temper and long-standing feud with Garry over proposed membership fee hikes, could he have taken their disagreement too far? Next, we have Daniel Fitzpatrick, Garry's longtime golfing rival. The two were often seen trading barbs on the course, their competitive nature boiling over into heated confrontations. Did Daniel's envy drive him to commit the ultimate sin? Then there's Ethan Montgomery, the eccentric groundskeeper. Rumors swirl about his troubled past and peculiar behavior. Was Garry's lazy divot replacement technique and constant criticism of course conditions enough to push Ethan over the edge? Or how about Roger Kensington, a former employee of the club who was recently fired for alleged misconduct. Roger was spotted lurking in the parking lot the night before the murder, raising suspicions about his potential involvement. Then there's the mysterious stranger, an unidentified man seen walking on the course near the 7th hole around the time of Garry's death. This man, described as potentially non-caucasian and wearing a dark hoodie and carrying a backpack, could hold the key to unlocking this case. There is also a possible financial motive, as Garry had recently taken out a substantial life insurance policy. Could someone close to him have seen this as an opportunity to cash in on his death?

It is 2:04pm. I’m in the clubhouse of the Maywentery Golf Course. I have just enjoyed a delicious cucumber sandwich. I’ll shortly be speaking to Marcus Brown, a club professional. Marcus was in the party of three behind Garry Rafferty on hole seven that fateful Friday 24th of January, and discovered Garry’s headless body shortly after 1pm. I’ll be asking Marcus whether he thinks Simon, Daniel, Ethan, Roger or the mysterious potentially-non-caucasian stranger did it. I’ll also find out if Marcus murdered Garry.

It is 3:15pm exactly. I’m now at hole 7, sat on Garry Rafferty’s bench. Marcus did not turn up for the interview, which only makes me suspect him more. Two months ago, this hole was flooded and Garry’s headless body was floating here, like a worm that lost its way and couldn’t swim. I want to know more about Garry the man. He was a maths teacher, so was he autistic? Did any of his students have a motive? Perhaps an unfair grade on a quadratic equations test? Why was he playing golf on a Friday in term-time? Was Garry having an affair? This kind of thing happens all the time. Amongst the belongings recovered on Garry’s body was a credit card. Was Garry in debt? And then there’s the suicide angle, which I dismissed initially but is it possible to chop your own head off with a bunker rake? Could an animal have then moved Garry’s head to hole 16? From where I sit, it’s about a mile away, so certainly cannot be ruled out. Maybe a fox or a large squirrel, or a colony of ants. We are around six miles from London Zoo and there are alligators there. Could one have escaped and walked here without being seen, then eaten Garry’s neck, and then walked back to the zoo? I doubt it, but I also don’t want to rule anything out at this stage.

It is 5:12pm. I have been walking around the course trying to speak to players. Without exception, nobody will talk to me, either on or off the record. I’m beginning to believe that there is a conspiracy. This cloak of silence is tangible. Somebody must know something, but if nobody knows then surely everybody knows? I think this goes to the highest level and I think Garry was killed because he knew too much. About what, I do not yet know. But I will find out.

It is 6:12pm. I’m now in the locker rooms. Outside, the light is fading and the last of today’s players are on hole 18. I am just going to open what was Garry’s locker and his deodorant and car keys are still in here. It smells a bit musty. There’s also an envelope … let’s have a look … It says on the front, “to be opened in case of my murder”. This could be relevant, let’s see: Open quote. To whom it may concern, my caddy, Ben Ross, has made repeated threats on my life and I have reason to believe he has attempted to kill me on multiple occasions, including last week when hundreds of golf balls somehow landed on my head as I was leaving my house. I have reported this to the police but they do not have the resources to investigate. I do not have private criminal insurance. Yours, Garry Rafferty. End. Beautifully written, Garry could have been an English teacher rather than a maths teacher. This is an encouraging new lead, and I will investigate. 

It is 8:43pm. I’m now at home. I’ve just been onto London Zoo’s website and they currently do not have alligators, though they did in the past. Magnificent creatures. Zombie alligators? Probably not. The average human head is five kilograms and it seems unlikely that a fox could get a solid grip on this. Apparently a dingo did take and kill Meryl Streep’s baby in Australia in 1980, and it weighed around five kilograms also and I think a dingo is what they call a fox in Australia. I therefore cannot with certainty say it wasn’t suicide followed by fox. OK, just in case let’s just Google ‘Ben Ross Maywentery Caddy’. OK, this looks like his personal website. Yep, Hmm. Yep. Oh, I think Ben might have done it actually. Ooo, Ben is an angry angry young man. Let’s just check his Facebook too … OK. Now, this is basically a confession, oh crikey there’s a picture here of Ben holding Garry’s severed head, why has that got four likes? This Ben sounds like a real jerk.

It is 9:44pm. I’m now outside the police station. They will not let me record in there but I’ve just spoken to somebody at the front desk and tried to give them everything that I have. It probably won’t surprise any of us who have witnessed the decline of our national police system, but I’ve been told that there is no possibility of arresting Ben Ross until a detective is assigned the case in August. They cannot take any of my evidence at this point, so I have to hold on to Garry’s note and the picture of Ben holding Garry’s head for the next few months. I’m not sure where I’m going to put this.

It is 9:59 pm. I’m now in Garry’s car, which I’m just going to borrow for a while. [Sound of opening glove compartment]. Here, I can just store everything here. One thing missing is a clear motive for Ben to do this. It could have been about golf strategy. It could have been something as simple as club selection. Why did Garry keep Ben on as his caddy if he knew that his intent was murderous? Was he that good at carrying golf clubs? Would Garry still be alive if his driving game was better, if his shot from the seventh tee hadn’t landed in the sand? This certainly gave Ben the privacy for murder. The bunker rake gave him the opportunity. But why did Ben not just pummel Garry to death with a 6-iron? Why this 21st century fixation with decapitation? I will not rest until Ben is brought to justice. One thing I do know for sure is that where institutions have failed, we as a community must rise to fill the void. Armed with an unshakable commitment to truth and an amateur’s knowledge of criminal psychology, forensics, and investigative techniques, we are uniquely positioned to crack cases and bring resolution to the forgotten. When official investigations are on a waiting list, it falls to us to be the voice for the voiceless. By exhaustively researching cases, uncovering new leads, and shining a light on overlooked evidence, we provide an invaluable public service. Our podcasts spread awareness, jog memories, and crowdsource tips.

It has been a long day. I have solved my first murder case. Goodnight, dear listeners [sound of engine starting].

Don’t have nightmares, do sleep well.

I’ve been your host, Guy Snapdragon. My producer is Lee Buckingham. Michael Webb is Chief Legal Officer and Legal support comes from Paul Tout, Simon Warwick and Matthew Rook. Accountancy from Graham Cree. Security from David Jarrett. May you use your time wisely, and may your use of wise be timely.