Internship Podcasting Awards

Guy really really really really wants to win an award.

Transcript

Welcome to the one-hundred-and-sixteenth episode of The Undercover Intern podcast, coming to you live from the centre of London Luton Airport. I'm your host, Guy Snapdragon, and today is Monday the 21st of April 2025.

We are sponsored this week by The Maywentery Golf Course. Welcoming men of all abilities since 1923. Twelve of the club’s buggies were stolen on Saturday night in what appears to be a coordinated attack, and the three remaining buggies will be made available to accredited celebrities only. Everybody else will have to walk or bring their own buggy.

[Loud plane taking off] As you can hear, the inflatable pools have all deflated, as all inflatable pools eventually will.

Quote: By whatever name one calls it, genuine creativity is characterised by an intensity of awareness, a heightened consciousness. End quote. That is from Rollo May, and yes, you’ve guessed it, today’s episode is about the seventh annual Internship Podcasting Awards, which this year are taking place at Birmingham’s National Exhibition Centre on Saturday the 18th of October. In less than six months the great and the good of world podcasting will gather to watch The Undercover Intern win the most coveted prize in world podcasting, The Interns’ Choice Award. I say this mainly because I don’t think I could cope being runner up for the third year in a row. I say this also because I know that I heighten interns’ consciousness more than anybody else on the planet, and so I deserve this award.

Voting opens today through until the end of June and though officially each person can only vote once, there are ways around this. So be creative - if you’re a married lady, vote using both your maiden name and your married name, they’ll never check. If you have a relative who is dying or has recently passed, log into their email account and take a few minutes to vote for them, it’ll help the grieving process. If you had an imaginary friend as a child, bring them back to vote for their favourite internship podcast.

The RedIntern Podcast has won the The Interns’ Choice Award every year since 2019. I won’t deny that, at its peak, RedIntern was useful for recent graduates, and I also won’t deny that it was part of what inspired me to take up Internship Podcasting. But I can no longer listen to Adolf Hitler’s smug, lazy, self-serving content. I do listen to RedIntern, but only so that I know what not to do. Do you really think Adolf’s laugh is real? Those anecdotes are all made up, you know. I know that Robert Barnes has recently joined as The RedIntern Podcast’s producer, despite having ten months of unpaid Gardening Leave remaining after I sacked him for being useless. Do you think Adolf’s employed him for his dubious production skills? No, he’s employed him to irritate me and to show that he’s somehow above UK employment law. The amount of merchandise that they try and flog on that podcast - t-shirts, mugs, fridge magnets, cars, parrots, mattresses, LinkedIn Premium RedIntern membership, whatever that is. I mean come on! How many times does Adolf need to plug his book, which I hear had more than one ghostwriter by the way, on his show? Adolf’s never even been an intern! Did you know that? He went straight into PwC after Oxford, no doubt helped by the fact that his father is a senior partner there. How can somebody who has never been an intern host an internship podcast? He drives a lamborghini for god’s sake, he is not a man of the intern people.

But I don’t want or need to be negative. Vote on the basis that The Undercover Intern is simply better and that I am the authentic intern. I am also a genius. This award would mean so much for me. It would be vindication for what has been a difficult period recently. I have a lump on both testicles which is probably terminal and so 2025 is likely going to be my last chance to win. I feel like I have made sacrifices for my listeners, and I’m not just talking about the lung. I’m estranged from most of my family and friends, and have no time to find a wife or a girlfriend, I have all these legal issues, I don’t earn any money as an intern at Focgee—where the client is loved two point zero—I really do need this award because I just don’t have the energy if I lose again. 

I’ve noticed that pyramid schemes have gotten a bit of a bad name recently. But we need to remember that the pyramids are one of the wonders of the ancient world. Absolutely pointless things, functionally not literally, but still, millions flock to them every year. I'm asking today for you to arrange for five of your friends to vote for me. If you don't do this, you will die. If you do do it, you will die also. We are all going to die. But really, do it, just in case. 

There’s only so much that an undercover intern can take. I think if I don’t win this it’s all going to be over. I will end everything … this podcast … everything. I will probably just kill myself if I don’t win this time. Please vote for me.

To remind you of The Undercover Intern’s quality, I am going to play you a few clips from over the years. These aren’t even the best ones. This first clip takes us back all the way to January 2023, and episode number one:  Welcome to the first episode of The Undercover Intern podcast, coming to you live from the centre of London. I'm your host, Guy Snapdragon, and today is Monday the 23rd of January 2023. This podcast is for all you aspiring interns, let this podcast be the foundation stone for your career. End clip. I sound so nervous here, don’t I? [sounds the same as normal but static on recording].

We are reliable, with a new episode every single Monday. Here’s a clip from episode 49, which came to you live on Christmas day, the day of Jesus’ birth, in 2023. Would Adolf Hitler miss Christmas dinner to be with you? Here’s the clip: I do think the second coming of Christ will come in the form of a podcasting intern. I’m not saying it’s me, but then again if I was Jesus the second I wouldn’t go around bragging about it because people would try and hurt me even more than they already do. I’m just asking that listeners keep an open mind. Jesus the first didn’t even have a radio show let alone a podcast but it’s become the most effective way to get your message across to billions around the world. End clip.

We sometimes get political, as in episode 52 early in 2024: I think William Hague and Michael Portillo would have made for a formidable joint-Prime-Minister. I still do actually. End clip.

We sometimes get angry. Here’s a clip from the MS Word Q&A in episode 69: Page breaks? They pop up out of nowhere, ruining your flow on purpose. And then even with that horsey thing showing I can’t [swear] delete them. Bullet points? One minute they're fine, the next, your list looks like [swear] abstract art. Microsoft are taking the [swear]. End clip.

Most of all, we provide you with the practical skills to thrive in any workplace. Here is a clip from episode 94: The best way to do a Pivot Table is just to move things into those four boxes until it begins to make sense. Nobody actually knows how it works, and sometimes you just need to manually enter the numbers that you need. It will all be done by AI soon, anyway so focus your efforts on the soft skills such as networking and pithy out of office email responses. End clip.

Finally, who can forget these bloopers. Let’s start with a cheeky one. [Wet and salty]. Next, please remind me who our Chief Legal Officer is? [Michael Webb]. One from my recent crime-solving escapades next. [Ethan Murderer]. Finally, even after 116 episodes I still make the occasional mistake. [Get your act together].

Ah, so many happy memories. I hope I’m able to create many more, but that’s really up to you. I put everything I have into this podcast, have helped millions of nascent careers and the least you can do is vote for me multiple times to win The Interns’ Choice Award.

Please just vote for me. I cannot lose again this year.

I’ve been your host, Guy Snapdragon. My producer is Lee Buckingham. Michael Webb is Chief Legal Officer and Legal support comes from Paul Tout, Simon Warwick, Murray Mackay and Matthew Rook. Accountancy from Graham Cree. Security from David Jarrett. May you use your time wisely, and may your use of wise be timely.