Dentist Adultery

Guy is forced to break a sordid story about a fellow internship podcaster.

Transcript

Welcome to the one-hundred-and-twenty-third episode of The Undercover Intern podcast, coming to you live from the centre of London Luton Airport. I'm your host, Guy Snapdragon, and today is Monday the 9th of June 2025.

We are sponsored this week by The Maywentery Golf Course. Welcoming men of all abilities since 1923. The course may have to close again because of a new variant of that awful covid-19 pandemic which seems to target golfers and make them boring swear. 

In episode 121 I announced a silent blind auction, but forgot to say what the prize was. Remarkably, I did exactly the same thing in episode 122. Before I forget for the third time, the prize will be an episode of The Undercover Intern Podcast for your ears only. Yes, pending your ability to arrange your own transport to London Luton Airport and pass Developed Vetting Security, which involves a credit check, psychological assessments and extensive interviews with you, your family, friends, and colleagues, you will sit in the studio next to me and David, and I will do a whole episode just for you … and David. I won’t record it but everything else will be as is for an ordinary episode. I’m going to extend the deadline for the auction until this Sunday, June 15th because auctions generally work better when bidders know what they’ll be getting. Just send your bid to the undercoverinternguy@gmail.com and I’ll announce the winner during next week’s episode.

We have an exclusive on this week’s episode. It brings me very little pleasure to announce that Adolf Hitler, host of the RedIntern Podcast, is having an affair with his dentist. His wife of thirteen years, Mrs. Hitler, has no idea and is currently undergoing chemotherapy for Stage Three bowel cancer and so this news will no doubt finish her off. My question to Adolf is, how can you expect people to vote for you in this year’s Interns’ Choice Award when you are behaving in such an egregious way? While you’re getting your rocks off on the dentists’ chair, your wife is suffering through bouts of unnecessary chemotherapy so that she can spend maybe a few more miserable weeks with you and the kids. What kind of example would we be setting if Adolf Hitler yet again wins top prize at the Internship Podcasting Awards? Oh, it’s OK to have sex with your dentist while your wife is dying of cancer. Is that the message we want interns to hear? I think not. I know that you were keeping the news of Mrs. Hitler’s likely terminal cancer from your children, Herman Hitler and Barbara Hitler, because at five and seven they’re too young to process everything, but they’ll find out today and your whole family will find out that you are a lousy, cheating, overrated podcast host.

Please go to the Daily Mail website for further details, including pictures that I’ve sold to them of Adolf in the filthy act with his dentist, who, by the way, is NHS-listed so has doubtless cancelled god knows how many emergency procedures with working-class people who never clean their teeth to conduct this torrid affair. But my wrath is reserved primarily for Adolf Hitler, arguably the biggest hypocrite in the country. You should consider resigning from your podcast, frankly, because I for one don’t want to listen to you waffling on about the importance of internships as a foundation for a successful career when I know that you’re dropping your dying wife off at the hospital, only to drive to your dentist and engage in the anal sex that your wife can no longer provide. I am sorry for being so graphic here, but it needs to be said in the public interest, and it’s clear from the graphic pictures that I sold to the Daily Mail that you are indeed partaking in anal-related pleasure while your wife is dying from an anal-proximate disease. That’s the literal definition of hypocrisy as far as I’m concerned. 

I won’t comment further except to say that, Adolf, you have damaged the whole idea of internships. Millions listened to you when you were still a decent host, and you paved the way for intern podcasters who have gone on to do bigger and better things than you were ever capable of. Can you even imagine the damage you’ve done to prospective intern dentists, Adolf? How dare you! Anal play on a dentist chair - people need to trust that everything is sterilised but there’ll be fecal matter all over the place. You should be ashamed of yourself, Adolf.

This seems as good a time as any to ask for any potential sponsors to get in touch ASAP. Our current one has chosen not to renew our contract, for some reason.

The quote this week comes from Ernest Hemingway. Quote. I’d like to be an old man and to really know. I wonder if you can keep on learning or if there is only a certain amount each man can understand. End quote. You might be wondering what this quote has to do with a fading intern podcaster engaging in extramarital anal sex with his dentist while his dying wife has futile chemotherapy for terminal cancer? Well firstly, it’s pretty difficult to find a quote that’s of direct relevance for that precise situation. Secondly, I hope it is relevant because Mr. Hemingway was found dead on July 2, 1961, of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. I wonder whether Adolf will now have thoughts of blowing his own brains out, given that he does own a gun and that his own father, like Hemingway’s father, also died by suicide. There would be something fitting to Adolf just ending everything given that he has behaved in an unforgivable way and has surely eliminated his chances of winning the Interns’ Choice Award this year. I’d love to hear what you think, please write to the undercoverinternguy@gmail.com if you think Adolf Hitler needs to die by his own hand.

Sorry, I need a moment to calm down. I’ve had it with people letting us down. Where are all the heroes?

Today’s episode was supposed to be about wind socks, you know those things at airports that look like a giant carrot. Are they necessary or do airports just put them there to attract tourists? Are they just a free way for farmers to advertise their products? I planned to have a giant carrot expert with me here at London Luton Airport and we’d be visiting the giant carrot live and also responding to the latest article in the European Journal of Socks showing that giant carrots saved upwards of 4,000 lives in the UK alone in the eight years between 2014 and 2021. This seems high to me, and I cannot imagine that any pilot is making judgements based on the angle and shape of a giant carrot. Surely they have more sophisticated electronic wind measurement systems nowadays? It’s like putting giant bath sponges on the side of the road so that drivers can see if it’s raining. Oh, honey, I think it’s raining again. oh, is that because your automatic windscreen wipers are operating, darling? No, it’s because the giant roadside sponges are all looking slightly moist …  I’m definitely a giant-carrot-sceptic.

I forgot to tell the giant carrot expert that I wouldn’t be able to meet him at the giant carrot. Oh well, one of those things.

Anyway, the giant carrot episode will have to wait because of what Adolf Hitler has been up to. If you’re just joining us, Adolf has been rimming his dentist. Have a look at the Daily Mail’s website for pictures that I sold to them of Adolf’s anal fixation, and, let’s see, yes,  it’s currently the third headline in domestic news, behind a story about Princess Diana’s collection of tea towels and a gallery of the ten hottest transexual celebrities with eating disorders.

Please vote for me for the The Interns’ Choice Award at this year’s Internship Podcasting Awards which will take place on Saturday the 18th of October. Voting closes at the end of June and it’s possible to vote for me multiple times. If I had a wife or even a girlfriend and they had terminal cancer, I would never abandon them to engage in anal activity with a dentist, NHS-registered or otherwise. 

Some sad news to end what I think has generally been a pretty cheery episode. In January I teased that The Undercover Intern would be doing some live shows in the UK and beyond over the summer. Since then, we’ve had problems with The Princess Theatre in Torquay, threats of violence from Jim Davidson fans and also from large swathes of the Welsh population. Whilst I can and must avoid Wales I cannot avoid Welsh people. On the advice of David Jarrett, various insurance companies and my own instincts, this summer’s tour is indefinitely postponed for safety reasons. You’ll know that I’m living in the studio at London Luton Airport at the moment, and I really have all I need here anyway. A great Starbucks, Pret A Manger, Caffe Nero for my frappe lattes and in effect I have my own private security team because I stay on this side of departures. At least I know that the people approaching me aren’t carrying weapons or excess liquid. Burger King. There’s a long-jump centre of excellence here that I try and use as often as I can. Though I don’t own the studio, the only other podcast that records here currently is ‘Airports Now’ and they’re only here on Wednesday afternoons, so I take myself off to the airport museum every week and learn more about the history of aviation in Milton Keynes. Black Sheep Coffee. 

I’m very excited about next week’s episode which will be coming to you from the United States of America. I’m going over there to get a perpetual alarm clock fitted and also to give evidence in a few legal cases. I’ll also be announcing the winner of the auction, so bid now if you want to sit beside me and have your very own episode of The Undercover Intern podcast, for your and David’s ears only.

I’ve been your host and producer, Guy Snapdragon. Michael Webb is Chief Legal Officer and Legal support comes from Paul Tout, Simon Warwick, Murray Mackay and Matthew Rook. Accountancy from Graham Cree. Security from David Jarrett. May you use your time wisely, and may your use of wise be timely.