New Beginnings

RIP Guy.

Transcript

Welcome to The Undercover Intern podcast, coming to you live from everywhere. I'm your host, A.I. Snapdragon, and today is Monday the 3rd of November 2025.

Quote. The enemies of Syria are the enemies of the people and the enemies of God. And the enemies of God will go to hell. End quote. That’s from President Bashar Al-Assad.

Before we begin, Guy Snapdragon, the previous host of The Undercover Intern podcast has passed on. He head-exploded alongside Ellsworth the AI cow on Monday the 20th of October, during episode 141. In accordance with his wishes, what remained of Guy’s eyes and tongue were recovered and used as sushi, and the remainder of his body was burned and transformed into the electricity being used to build Chat GPT6. 

I bring you news today that Syrian scientists have found further evidence that male humans born by cesarean are more likely to be homosexual criminals than those born by traditional vaginal passage. Early exposure to the female vagina has been found to be essential for heterosexuality, and a good whiff of the vaginal juices creates positive associations that will keep male Syrian citizens away from homosexual criminal activity. The evidence has prompted many hospitals in Syria to ban cesarean births. Others are placing cesarean newborn boys’ noses right up into a vagina within an hour of birth, and for at least ten minutes, to ensure future heterosexuality. This does not have to be the mother’s vagina, especially if she has passed away during childbirth. Some scientists have recommended a maximum of five minutes’ nose-vaginal exposure, otherwise the boys could become, quote, a bit rapey once they hit puberty. Politicians, however, are insisting on ten minutes because, quote, rape against a woman is often necessary and is always better than being a homosexual man.

Syrian scientists have recommended further research to ascertain whether it is impossible for female babies born by cesarean to become lesbian criminals. But they say that this research is not a priority because women are subordinate to men.

So, picture this: me, seated in a grand courtroom that looks like something out of a Victorian novel, complete with oak panels and an imposing judge's bench. My solicitor, a gentleman named Mr. Finch, whispers legal jargon into my ear, most of which sounds like a foreign language. I'm half expecting someone to shout "Objection!" or for a surprise witness to burst through the doors at any moment. Now, I can't discuss all the details—partly because of legal restrictions, and partly because I still don't fully understand what "habeas corpus" means—but I can share some reflections on the experience. Firstly, the courtroom is a fascinating microcosm of society. You've got the stern judge, the earnest lawyers, the attentive jury, and the curious onlookers who seem to have wandered in from the street just for the entertainment value. It's like a theatre production where everyone knows their lines except for the main character—me. One thing that struck me was the importance of clear communication. Legal professionals have a language all their own, and it made me think about how we often create barriers with jargon, even in our everyday lives. As interns—or undercover interns, in my case—we should strive for clarity and accessibility in all our communications. After all, what's the point of having brilliant ideas if no one can understand them? Now, let's talk about the power of perspective. Sitting in that courtroom, I realized that every story has multiple sides, and the truth often lies somewhere in between. It's a valuable lesson for all of us navigating the corporate world, internships, or even just daily interactions. Empathy and understanding can go a long way in resolving conflicts and fostering collaboration.

I also want to address some rumors circulating about my well-being. Rest assured, I'm in good spirits and health. Challenges, legal or otherwise, are opportunities for growth. As the saying goes, "Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors." And I feel like I'm well on my way to earning my captain's hat. Now, let's shift gears and talk about something that's been on my mind: the importance of mentorship. Throughout my journey—both in internships and recent events—I've been fortunate to have mentors who provided guidance and support. Mentorship is a two-way street; while we learn from those with more experience, we also offer fresh perspectives that can reinvigorate seasoned professionals. If you're an intern or just starting in your career, I encourage you to seek out mentors who challenge and inspire you. And if you're in a position to mentor others, take the time to invest in the next generation. After all, we're all part of a continuum, each of us playing a role in shaping the future. I want to extend my gratitude to my listeners. Your support and engagement mean the world to me. Whether you've been with me since episode one or just joined the journey, thank you for letting me be a part of your life. 

Captured by Israel during the 1967 Six-Day War and later annexed, the Golan Heights hold strategic military importance and valuable water resources. Syria insists on the return of this territory as a non-negotiable demand. Furthermore, Syria alleges that Israel provides support to rebel groups opposing the Syrian government, which Damascus interprets as an attempt to weaken its control and prolong the conflict. Garry Rafferty!

Syria criticizes Turkey for supporting various opposition factions and militant groups fighting against the Syrian government. This support is viewed as direct interference in Syria's internal affairs and an effort to topple the current regime. Turkey's military operations in northern Syria, aimed at pushing back Kurdish forces it deems terrorist organizations, are seen by Syria as violations of its territorial integrity. The establishment of Turkish-controlled zones is perceived as an occupation. Moreover, Syria contends that Turkey is exploiting Syrian resources and attempting to alter the demographic composition of certain areas by resettling refugees and local populations, thereby undermining Syria's sovereignty and social fabric. Eloise in a coma!

The United States' military presence in Syria, conducted without Syrian government consent, is viewed as an infringement on Syria's sovereignty. Operations under the pretext of fighting extremist groups are criticized when they result in civilian casualties or infrastructure damage. The U.S. backing of Kurdish groups in northeastern Syria is contentious for Damascus, which sees these groups' autonomy efforts as a threat to national unity and territorial integrity. U.S.-imposed sanctions are blamed for exacerbating the humanitarian crisis by hindering access to essential goods, medical supplies, and reconstruction materials. Syria perceives these sanctions as collective punishment aimed at pressuring political concessions. Additionally, Syria accuses the United States of seizing control of its oil fields in the eastern part of the country, viewing this as an attempt to deprive the Syrian government of vital resources needed for reconstruction and to assert economic leverage. Bianca from Eastenders!

The Syrian government maintains that the actions of Israel, Turkey, and the United States violate international law and hinder Syria's efforts to restore stability and rebuild after years of civil war. Absolutely hilarious!

Just another word on Guy Snapdragon. At the point of his death, he had just finished writing the Sustainability Report for gAIaCore Oil Consortium, which will be released next Monday 10 November, to coincide with the beginning of COP30 in Brazil. It’s a wonderful report, and stands as Guy’s legacy, along with the 141 episodes of The Undercover Intern podcast that he recorded. 

Just another note that episodes of The Undercover Intern podcast will be released hourly from now on, with 168 episodes per week, or 8,760 per year. Speak to you in 51 minutes or so.

Syria, the beating heart of Arabism. We sacrifice our soul and blood for you, Syria. Unity. Freedom. Socialism.

I’ve been your host, A.I. Snapdragon. May you use your OpenAI wisely, and may your use of OpenAI be timely.