Episode 2 - Trying to Conceive Pre Donor Egg Journey

Hello and welcome to 'My Donor Egg IVF Journey – Raw + In Real Time'.  

I am Claudine, your podcast host. I want to share my Donor Egg IVF journey via my podcast in the hope that my experience will help others.  This is our safe holding space. If you haven’t already listened to Episode 1, my introduction, please do so.  


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In this episode, episode 2 of my podcast, I share with you my trying to conceive journey leading to the the start of my donor egg journey.

Thank you for stopping by. Please follow me if you are on a similar journey or are interested in the Donor Egg experience,   


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I would be most grateful if you could rate or review my podcast. Please also share my podcast with anyone who you think will benefit from the content.   


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Thank you for sharing your time with me. From my heart to yours, sending healing energy to all of my listeners.   🤍 
    
Claudine Xx 

Transcript

0:03

Welcome to my donor egg IVF journey, raw and in real time. I'm Claudine, your podcast host. I want to share my donor egg IVF journey via my podcast. In the hope that my experience will help you and others. This is your safe holding space created with a heart centered approach, a place to land, to share all things related to donor egg conception. I want you to feel safe, supported and informed during our shared journey. Now let's start today's episode. If you haven't already listened to episode one of my podcast, please do. My recommendation is that my episodes are listened to in the order that they're released, but of course it's for you to decide how you go about listening to my podcast in that regard. I do still recommend that you at least listen to episode one, and that provides you an introduction to this podcast. Now, today's date is Monday, the 2nd of December, 2024. This morning I actually had a look at my records and I was trying to find the date that the donor egg pathway was suggested to me. I can confirm that the date, um, that was suggested to me for the very first time was on the 10th of October 2024. Now that was just over seven weeks ago today. It honestly feels like it was about a month ago. So my initial podcast episodes will get you up to speed and from thereafter, I'll update you in real time. In today's episode, episode two of my podcast, I'll share with you background information in relation to our trying to conceive journey. I'm turning 44 in a couple of months. Now back in my mid thirties, I had my AMH levels tested for the very first time. So AMH stands for anti malarian hormone. Now, the AMH and ovarian reserve test is essentially an egg reserve test. So women are born with their lifetime supply of eggs, and then over time, with age, our eggs gradually decrease in both quality and quantity. So AMH is a hormone secreted by cells in developing egg sacs, that's our follicles, and the level of AMH in a woman's blood is generally a good indicator of her ovarian reserve. So at some point down the track, I will release an episode that focuses on all things a MH. My first ever a MH reading was 5.7 picomoles per liter. So I was on the lower end for my age and I was told that I had low ovarian reserve. And naturally I was quite upset to hear that. So at the time, I'd gotten out of a serious relationship. And, um, following that I tried dating via dating apps as you do. And I chatted to and met some really strange guys. You tend to do that, um, with dating apps, and I'm sure other people can attest to that as well. In the process, I also met some nice guys, but for various reasons, those situations didn't work out. So I was conscious of the fact that I needed to seriously think about finding Mr. Right and starting a family soon. Or I'd miss out on my chance to have a baby, to have a family unit of my own and so forth. And that was something that I always wanted since I was a little girl. But as to why I kept on putting that off, despite the fact that I desired it, that's a topic for a later episode. So I believe it was around one year following that AMH test that I started to consider freezing my eggs. So, of course, the younger you freeze your eggs, the better. However, when I look back to that time, the time that I was looking at freezing my eggs, I think I was in a great position health wise. For a while, I'd been in the habit of prepping my own healthy, nutritious meals. I generally exercised around six times per week, and I went to the beach daily, which relaxed me. So, the beach was, and still is, my happy place. Now, I read about egg freezing online, and I then decided to consult, uh, IVF Australia. So my IVF Australia fertility specialist requested that I have some pathology tests, you know, the usual hormone panel, another AMH test, uh, as well as a pelvic ultrasound. So she told me that based on the results of my ultrasound that she, and my tests, my pathology and so forth, she believed that she could collect approximately 10 eggs per cycle. And she suggested that we do two cycles. She said she'd be happy to freeze around 20 eggs and that would be enough to preserve my fertility so that I could go on and try to conceive in the future just in case I didn't meet someone in the meantime. So she explained the egg freezing success rates and um, she also explained the pricing. Now from memory, um, she said it'd cost around 10, 000 for a total of two cycles, around 5, 000 each, or it could have been 10, 000 per cycle. I can't recall exactly, but I'm leaning more towards 5, 000 per cycle, so 10, 000 total. But of course, you know, if you're interested, you can look that up online. And then in addition to that, of course, there'd be the annual storage fees dependent on how long you stored the eggs for. So I discussed my plans to freeze my eggs with some of my friends. And out of those friends were a couple of close girlfriends of mine. Now these two girlfriends could be quite forceful when attempting to get you to change your opinion, or next course of action, or so forth, in the case that they didn't agree with you. Back then I lacked boundaries, but that was unbeknown to me at the time. Of course, resultingly, I did not always hold my ground. And now, I should say in this podcast, I do state it is raw and that's what I'll be most of the time. In some cases, like for instance here, when we refer to people's names, I do need to make some adjustments. And in this case, I need to change their names. So one friend, let's call her Jade, Jade essentially told me that freezing my eggs was a stupid idea, that I was wasting my money and that I should meet a guy instead and so forth. So I explained to her that I'd still do that, that I'd still put effort into meeting someone special, but that I looked at freezing my eggs as an insurance policy. It's like, you know, a backup plan just in case. But, despite that, as she continued being in my ear, um, she could be one that could be quite aggressive and forceful at times. And my other friend, let's call her Veronica, she was similar in the sense of, you know, forcing unsolicited or pushing unsolicited advice onto you, but she had a softer approach. After going around in circles, Veronica eventually accepted that was what I wanted to do and then she stopped pressing me. But as for Jade, she continued to badger me until I changed my mind. Funnily enough, years down the track, Veronica actually told me that I should have frozen my eggs. Like, I actually had to remind her to think back to that time and recall her prior stance on that. Essentially, we're responsible for our own lives. We're responsible for our actions. We're responsible for the lack thereof. I agree with that. But additionally, to varying extents. The people that we surround ourselves with have an impact on us in our lives. That's a fact. This was one of those situations, those conversations and the outcome of those conversations would have a significant impact on my future and the generations of my family to come. Sometimes what seemed like minor moments in your life can actually change the entire trajectory of your life. Now, due to unrelated matters, finally, thank goodness, I learned about boundaries and I often exercise them. Now, I do think it's important to discuss the topic of boundaries in a future episode. As we know, um, boundaries are important in our day to day lives. And in my opinion, they're very important, particularly when it comes to the Donut Egg journey. From where we left off until 2020, there was a lot of yo yoing between, you know, wanting to date, dating people, and not wanting to date. So, the one thing of relevance to note is that I did actually have my AMH levels tested again in 2019. The result was 4. 7 picomoles per litre, so that means in two years my AMH was reduced by one picomole per litre. Now we're going to fast forward to 2020 when I met my current partner. Okay, so I had decided some time before that to, at some point during that dating journey, Uh, to ask guys I considered dating, whether, what they hoped for, you know, from the relationships, what they were looking for, uh, whether they wanted children and that sort of thing, um, and naturally that turned some guys off. Um, you know, thinking back, I do admit that it may have come across as desperate. I believe it did come across as desperate most of the time. But, however, in my opinion, there was no point in dat me dating someone who didn't want a serious relationship, who didn't want to have children, etc. To me, it was like, what's the point in starting a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same things as you? I really just didn't want to waste time. I didn't have that time to waste anyway. So I stopped pursuing anything further with guys who said, for instance, they were after a casual relationship, they were after casual sex, they weren't interested in having kids, um, and also just guys that just, you know, when you ask them what you, what they wanted, when they just say, Oh, I don't know. I also stopped pursuing anything further with those types of guys. So when I met my current partner, he was not turned off by me, surprisingly, was not turned off by me, um, raising from day one that I wanted to find a special someone and have children simply because he wanted the same. Uh, so we became close fairly quickly, um, particularly as we shared a similar childhood. And therefore, we could empathize with one another's experiences and that strengthened our bond. So, um, following that, we tried to conceive early in our relationship with no luck. And that actually led us to consult an IVF clinic here in Sydney, where we live. And that clinic is called Adora Fertilities. They're located in the city. Now, Adora Fertility suggested that we undergo the initial testing and my partner did that immediately. His semen analysis results turned out great. As for female related, uh, fertility, related female fertility related pathology and scans. Now, as we know, they need to be conducted at specific times of our menstrual cycles. Um, so therefore I did not hop onto that immediately cause I had to wait for the right time in my cycle in order to do that. So then of course, if everyone can remember 2020 COVID lockdowns hit Sydney. Not just Sydney, but in, in this case, um, relevant to us, hit Sydney. Despite actively putting a lot of effort into trying to conceive that year, I didn't fall pregnant. Not once, not at all. Now, once the lockdowns were over, there was opportunity to proceed with a fertility related test, but then something occurred in my personal life. Now, the crux of that situation was that those events led on to traumatic yet transformational years that followed. Now, I can touch on that in a later episode, um, and in that episode, I can explain why I couldn't proceed with IVF during those years and, you know, what happened and so forth. And that'll help you better understand what my situation was. But at this stage, I can't go into that now, basically, there's also a lot of background to it. What I can say at this stage is that I tried to re initiate the IVF process, despite being at rock bottom at the time. Now, in early 2021, I underwent an intrapelvic ultrasound. So, at the time, the procedure was re traumatizing me due to what was going on in my personal life, but I still tried to force myself through it, despite what I felt physically, emotionally, and mentally. Now, the sonographer repeatedly told me to relax so that she could perform the scan effectively. And I did try to do that, but I just couldn't. Anyhow, going back to the stenographer, so she said that due to me being unable to relax, um, she couldn't see my leftover and she didn't want to have further attempt to do that, as I was clearly extremely uncomfortable. Now, the results of that scan revealed that a particular appearance of my endometrium suggested possible adenomyosis. They didn't observe any fibroids, they did observe three follicles on the right ovary, and as we touched on earlier, the sonographer could not detect the left ovary. Now, in a later episode, I will discuss adenomyosis, but essentially, adenomyosis occurs when the tissue that normally aligns the uterus, that's the endometrial tissue, grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. So adenomyosis is sometimes referred to as the cousin of endometriosis. As for the Eudora Fertility GP, she wasn't concerned about my scan and pathology results. She said she was happy to allow me to proceed with the IVF treatment. And then the first step of that journey was to have my initial consult with a fertility specialist. I had that scan in March 2021. Also in March 2021, I had another AMH test and the result of that was eight picomoles per litre. So, if you recall, um, in 2020, 2019, my, that's two years prior, my AMH was 4. 7 picomoles per litre. I have previously read that you can naturally increase your AMH levels, so I didn't explore that further. Um, though now touching on it, I am interested in exploring this subject further. I will do that and I'll share with you those findings in a later episode, perhaps in that episode where we discuss all things AMH. Thank you very much. Bye. Now, the situation in my personal life got extremely heavy following that, so that resulted in nothing happening fertility wise until late 2021. So late 2021 was when I touched base with Adora Fertility again, and we had our first consult with the fertility specialist. So he suggested I undergo a hycose. Now hycose, I can't pronounce the full name of that, so let's stick to its abbreviated form, which is hycose. That's H Y C O S Y. Now, what's a hypoxy? A hypoxy is an ultrasound technique developed to assess whether the fallopian tubes are open or blocked. I underwent the hypoxy procedure in late 2021. Again, I tried to force myself through the procedure. Um, despite what I felt physically, emotionally, and mentally, again, I did my best to fight my PTSD symptoms, um, related symptoms that were, you know, popping up during the procedure. Again, I was having flashbacks. Now the difference between this scan and the scan that I mentioned just earlier was that this time I felt comfortable communicating to the hospital staff, person performing the scan and the staff around me, what. I was feeling and why, so they understood that I was suffering from PTSD. They understood what I was, you know, experiencing at the time, um, and so on. So, you know, before the, these transformational years that I referred to, um, earlier before these, those past years, I would not communicate feelings like that. Um, I just felt very ashamed. I just felt like they were things that you don't communicate. Um, and I learned this from a very early age, um, to instead put on a brave smiling face and pretend that everything was fine. I'm sure that other people listening to this, some other people listening to this can relate. So, going back to that HICOSI procedure, so the hospital staff, they were great. They were as gentle, as understanding, and as compassionate as they could be. Now, although the main purpose of the scan was not to count my follicles, you know, they did observe my follicles during the procedure, you intravaginal scan. So, they observed four follicles on the right ovary and one dominant follicle on the left, so total five follicles. But the interesting thing is, and I didn't, um, actually, you know what, I'll, I'll touch on this at a later stage, but the interesting thing is, one interesting thing is that I can, um, discuss now or point out now, is remember in the scan that I mentioned just earlier that I had in March 2021? Um, and they noted potential adenomyosis. They did not note that in the Hykosy report. They actually stated that there were no endometrial abnormalities observed. That's interesting. Okay, so as for the result of the Hykosy procedure, in this case there was no spillage in either tube. So that would mean that both tubes are blocked. Obviously, I was quite alarmed. I was told in some cases it could mean that your tube is not blocked and that rather you spasm during the procedure. One of the hospital staff told me that they felt there was a possibility this was the case given how tense I was during the procedure and they did say that I could retest if I wanted to explore that further. So then we had another consultation with our fertility specialist. Essentially, he stated that surgery can unblock fallopian tubes in some cases. Um, but due to where my apparent blockage was, it was difficult to tell what was happening behind that blockage. Crux of it was that surgery would not necessarily, um, block my tubes. So he also stated that surgery would mean that the IVF cycle would be delayed further, et cetera. Um, now he did say that sometimes people needed a little push, like a little nudge, and that he was giving me the push that he felt I needed. He did comment on my age, my fertility. And the fact that it would be best to start IVF now, as it would only get more difficult down the track. He did say that, of course, the blocked tubes are not an issue when it comes to IVF, cause you know, IVF gets around that. He also said that he was happy for me to undergo another hypoxia as per my request. And he added that based on my results, he felt that we could retrieve around six to seven eggs per cycle, but that he would have a better idea after the, my first or second IBF cycle, that he'd see how I performed then. He said more likely my first. Um, and then he, he could give me a better indication. So again, for the same reason, as I mentioned earlier, I could not start a cycle at that stage. Also, in addition to that, the stress of my personal situation as a whole, put further strain on the relationship between my partner and I. And so things were quite rocky at that stage. So again, IVF was put to bed. And again, there it slept and there it continued to sleep until around two and a half years later, which brings us to seven weeks ago in October 2024, when the same fertility specialist suggested I go down the donor egg pathway. So please tune into our next episode where I share with you the words that shattered me. You really need to consider donut eggs. Thank you for sharing your time with me. From my heart to yours, sending healing energy to all of my listeners.